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00:01Good evening, everybody.
00:03Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway?
00:05on tonight's show.
00:06Oh, boy, something spells like Ray Brady.
00:09Hmm, what's cooking? Kathy Greenwood.
00:11Well, if it's Thursday, it must be Colin Mochrie.
00:14And better open a window.
00:16I'm making Ryan Stiles.
00:18And I'm your host, Drew Garrett, from my balance sheet of five.
00:25Oh. Hello.
00:27Hello, everybody.
00:28Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway?
00:29The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.
00:31That's right.
00:32The points are just like the brunette from ABBA.
00:37It doesn't really matter.
00:38If you ever saw the show before, what happens is our performers
00:40are gonna come up, make up everything you see off the top of their heads.
00:42Then I give them these fake E points that don't mean anything,
00:44just for jokes.
00:45And then we pick a winner at the end of the show,
00:46and the winner gets to do a little something special with me.
00:48And, uh, yeah.
00:52And looking at tonight's cast, I'd have to say,
00:54brace yourself, Kathy Greenwood.
00:56Uh, we're gonna start with a game called Film, TV, and Theater Styles.
01:02This is for Ryan, Colin, and Kathy.
01:04And what's gonna happen is they're gonna do a scene for you,
01:06but I'm gonna make them, uh, use different styles of television,
01:09styles of theater, or styles of film,
01:11that I'm gonna get from the audience right now.
01:13I need your favorite styles of TV, television, and film.
01:19Jeopardy!
01:20Melodrama!
01:21Sesame Street!
01:22Documentary!
01:23Documentary!
01:24Documentary!
01:25Documentary!
01:26Documentary!
01:27Documentary!
01:28Documentary!
01:29Indiana Jones!
01:31King Jones!
01:32Croc Hunter!
01:33Kabuki!
01:34Brady!
01:35Brady!
01:36Spanish Soccer!
01:37All right.
01:38That's enough.
01:39Okay, let's get at it.
01:40And the scene is...
01:41Oh, it's on the other side of this card I was writing on.
01:44Uh...
01:45I lost the card, man.
01:46It flipped upside down.
01:47The scene is...
01:48Colin is a mad scientist.
01:50Not angry.
01:51Mad.
01:52Crazy.
01:53Who comes home to find his wife Kathy in bed with Ryan,
01:56who is his latest creation.
01:57Should I...
01:58You guys start out...
01:59Start out normally and I'll throw in the styles when we get started.
02:00I hope I didn't disappoint you.
02:01Are you kidding?
02:02Why, it's superhuman.
02:04What the...
02:05Oh, my...
02:06I can't...
02:07What?
02:08Hey!
02:09Hey!
02:10Hey!
02:11Hey!
02:12Hey!
02:13Hey!
02:14Hey!
02:15Hey!
02:16Hey!
02:17Hey!
02:18Hey!
02:19Hey!
02:20Hey!
02:21Hey!
02:22Hey!
02:23Hey!
02:24Hey!
02:25Hey!
02:26Hey!
02:27Hey!
02:28You're, uh...
02:29You're home a little bit early.
02:30I didn't expect...
02:31Brady Bunch.
02:32Didn't expect you.
02:34Milk and cookies?
02:35Oh.
02:36I can't believe you did this before my big date with Davy Jones.
02:40Hey, you know what?
02:42Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!
02:45Hey!
02:47Indiana Jones.
02:49Look, I only had the one giant ball.
02:52just have a drink we'll talk about it I'm disappointed in you especially oh are you
03:09well one giant ball from you is not enough I'm sorry
03:12Spanish soccer telecast look I slept with her wife I slept with her two times and it was
03:28crocodile hunter don't get too close to him he's dangerous what are you talking about he's
03:46he's exciting he's he's so strong and he's oh my don't listen to him she is one great woman
03:52don't get too close to her I keep her long and can bite you watch this as I approach her slowly
04:00Melodrama and what exactly do you have to say about it
04:08just lie down on the railroad tracks my dear
04:20Jeopardy how are you going to get out of this predicament what is a bigger gun
04:28that was just great thousand points to Wayne hey Wayne
04:42let's go on to a game called song styles this is for Wayne with Laura Hall
04:50I'm going to take a few stairs
04:58thank you for you sir the blue shirt what's your name Cyrus what are you for living Cyrus I'm retired
05:06from what Cyrus Cyrus is retired from a lots of things what favorite job did you have any favorite
05:15job when I went in the merchant marine he's a merchant marine come on down here Cyrus you want to have Wayne sing a song
05:23good
05:25all righty Wayne you're going to sing a song to Cyrus who's retired from a lot of things he's retired
05:39used to be a merchant marine though and you'll be singing to him in the style of Mae West
05:43Mae West singing to a guy in an old-time western saloon sure thing Mae West
05:55hey there big boy
06:03belts
06:11oh I like myself a great big man
06:25man a great big boy like Cyrus who can do anything many kids he's sired but he doesn't remember because he's retired
06:37Cyrus a heck of a guy never afraid to give a job a try oh you see when I see him I'm beaming because my heart flips for a merchant seaman
06:52oh
06:54Cyrus
06:56oh I love you oh Cyrus
07:00I'm thinking of you oh big boy let me do that job oh look he's so svelte and I know he's not a slob cause he's up he's Cyrus I know you heard me said he's he's
07:14oh
07:16oh
07:18oh
07:20oh
07:22oh
07:24oh
07:26oh
07:28oh
07:30oh
07:34oh
07:36oh
07:38oh
07:40oh
07:42oh
07:44oh
07:46oh
07:48oh
07:50oh
07:56oh
07:58oh
08:00oh
08:02oh
08:04oh
08:06oh
08:08oh
08:10oh
08:12oh
08:18oh
08:20oh
08:22oh
08:24oh
08:26oh
08:28oh
08:30oh
08:32oh
08:34oh
08:44oh
08:46oh
08:48oh
08:50oh
08:52oh
08:54oh
08:56oh
08:58oh
09:00oh
09:02you must be the new guy
09:04yeah
09:06I wasn't expecting a new guy
09:08as a matter of fact I operated by myself
09:12but I thought I'd test him out see if he knew what he was doing
09:16scalpel
09:18that's the pointy thing right
09:22I made my first mistake
09:24but luckily I was a quick thinker and I knew how to cover
09:28just kidding
09:38I now knew he wasn't who he said he was
09:40when handing a scalpel
09:42you never do it pointy end first
09:50could you help me out here
09:52sure what are you operating on
09:54it's a nose
09:56sure
09:58sure you seem to know all the jargon
10:02but I didn't like the way he was stirred to slice it off
10:04to me a nose is something you have on the front of your face
10:06makes it easier to smell
10:08I'm just a private dick but I know these things
10:10alright Antoni
10:12the game is up
10:14I know you're rearranging people's faces because you want to look better
10:18I had no idea what he was talking about
10:28but I went along with him
10:30yeah sure
10:32I found this plan in your desk drawer
10:34where you're going to rearrange the faces of everybody in the world
10:36so you will be the best looking person in the world
10:38and then it sort of dribbled off after that
10:40I was bluffing
10:42I could tell by looking at him
10:44I had already worked on him
10:56thank you
10:58thank you
11:02thank you
11:04that's great we'll be right back
11:06with this course and with more who's lines and anyway
11:08don't go away
11:10hey welcome back to who's lines and anyway
11:18the show where everything is made up
11:20and the points don't matter
11:22and hey if you want a transcript of tonight's show
11:24you should have hired a stenographer
11:26okay our next game is called News Flash
11:30this is for Ryan, Cathy and Colin
11:32Ryan, Cathy you're going to be two anchors in a studio
11:34anchors?
11:35oh news anchors
11:36I thought you made like anchors
11:38Colin
11:40what Colin is doing
11:42is he's covering a breaking news story
11:44he doesn't know what's behind him
11:46because when he turns around all he can see is a green screen
11:48it's like the things your weathermen use
11:50in your local news show
11:51all the monitors are covered up
11:52he doesn't know what's on any of the monitors
11:53he can't see a thing
11:54and he has to guess what's there
11:55with hip tips from Ryan and Cathy
11:57hip tips from Ryan and Cathy
11:59so whenever you're ready
12:00you're going to be news anchors in the studio
12:01and try to help Colin out
12:02take it away
12:03I'm talking Tijuana
12:05a bucket of chicken
12:06and maybe some tequila
12:07I'm finally ready to say yes
12:09hello
12:10we interrupt this program for a special news bulletin
12:13we take you out to the field
12:14where we hear from award winning reporter
12:17Colin Mochrie
12:18Colin can you hear us?
12:20I can barely hear you over the commotion happening behind me now
12:31this is amazing in all my years of journalism
12:37I have never seen a sight like this
12:39Colin, I find it hard to believe you've never seen this
12:44never in my entire
12:46I mean look at this
12:47doesn't it make your eyes bulge?
12:51Colin, Colin, I am in fear of my life
13:05Colin
13:07Colin
13:08Colin
13:12can you keep us abreast of what's going on there?
13:18Biden
13:19can you keep us abreast of what's going on there?
13:22yeah
13:24well this all started with the news that Cathy Lee was leaving
13:27and then things have just exploded into what you see here
13:32oh
13:33Colin
13:34are you slacking off the job here?
13:37was this really what you were supposed to be reporting on?
13:40did you say slacking off?
13:42I just mean
13:43did we
13:44no I am here
13:45and I will be here
13:46till this story has come to its end
13:50I am not leaving until all this has calmed down
13:54and you get every spot
14:06did you see that?
14:13Colin
14:14it's no secret to it you got a bum deal on this assignment
14:29yes
14:30but you have to keep up with the bump and grind of everyday business
14:35well I'm trying
14:37I've never felt like this before
14:39I have never felt more alive
14:42is there any end in sight?
14:45oh there's many many in sight
14:47and uh
14:48everybody here has just had a big smile on their face
14:52from the minute I got here until this very moment
14:55how can you not?
15:02Colin uh
15:03any idea where you are?
15:05uh
15:06partially nude women dancing
15:08yes
15:12there was an old strip club from the whatever they were twirling the castles
15:23that was wrong in so many levels
15:26man
15:27wow
15:28woo man
15:29well hey a point for every grandkid of theirs that just saw that
15:33now we are going to move on to a game called Motown group
15:36now we are going to move on to a game called Motown group
15:38this is for Wayne, Colin and Ryan
15:40you guys are going to be singing uh
15:42you guys are going to be singing uh
15:44you guys are going to be singing uh a song like a Motown group
15:46you know like the temptation or something like that
15:48and you are each going to sing a verse of a song
15:50while the other two do backup
15:51and you are going to be helped by Laura Hall and Linda Taylor
15:53Laura Hall and Linda Taylor
15:54now what I need from the audience is a suggestion for a manly profession
16:01Navy SEAL
16:04Navy SEAL
16:05Navy SEAL
16:06Navy SEAL
16:07uh
16:08you are going to do the song
16:09Do the Navy SEAL
16:10take it away whenever you are ready
16:11here we go
16:14now if you want somebody to dish us gravy
16:29trust me little baby you can join the Navy and be a SEAL
16:33yeah and be a SEAL
16:36oh
16:38you can protect somebody's life
16:40and end it with a knife
16:41be a SEAL
16:42cause that's real
16:43just be a SEAL
16:45let's be a SEAL
16:52I'm a Navy SEAL
16:53I really love my job
16:55he really loves his job
16:57everybody says look there goes happy bob
17:01happy bob
17:03everybody come and give it a whirl
17:06everybody come and give it a whirl
17:07boy really like to be a girl
17:09the North
17:13oops
17:14I've always wanted to be a SEAL
17:18all of my life
17:20all of my life
17:22so I went away
17:24said goodbye to my wife
17:27goodbye to my wife
17:28when I get in my suit
17:30people think I look cute
17:32I just like the feel of a tight rubber suit
17:34I say it's Navy SEAL
17:36Navy SEAL
17:38Navy SEAL
17:39here we go now
17:40do this
17:41now first you put your wetsuit on
17:43and then you grab your knife
17:44and then consult your manual
17:46it just might save your life
17:47and then you have to put your oxygen tank
17:49don't get a buzz
17:50and then you crack somebody's neck
17:52like Steven Seagal does
17:53it's real
17:54hey
17:55then you'll be a Navy SEAL
17:57yeah
17:58you'll be a Navy SEAL
18:00a Navy SEAL
18:03you'll be a Navy SEAL
18:06you'll be a Navy SEAL
18:09shut up
18:16all right, we'll be right back
18:17we'll be right back
18:18with more Who's Line
18:19ready for this
18:25welcome back to Who's Line Is It Anyway
18:28hey, tonight the winner is Kathy Greenwood
18:30Kathy Greenwood is the winner tonight
18:33uh, and to be punished
18:34the rest of us are going to do a hoedown for you
18:36yay, a hoedown
18:37a favorite thing to do, right?
18:38it's the best
18:39we love our hoedowns, man
18:41with the help of Laura Hall on the piano
18:46I want to hear from the audience is a suggestion of something that would change your life
18:52okay, we're going to do the lottery
18:53lottery hoedown
18:54about winning the lottery
18:55so lottery hoedown
18:56uh, take it away
18:57Laura Hall when everybody
18:58the hoedown about the lottery
18:59if I had money
19:08here's what I'd do, you see
19:10I'd make it my mission
19:12to help celebrities
19:14I'd even help one guy
19:15who I consider my friend
19:17I'd spend all of my money
19:19to make Michael Jackson black again
19:21well, if I won the lottery
19:30here's what I would do
19:32I'd buy a car
19:34and maybe a house or two
19:36but this is what I'm wondering
19:38and this is what I'm asking
19:40if you won the lottery
19:41why would you waste it on Michael Jackson?
19:43I'm sitting here on my couch watching the TV
19:54they're picking all the numbers of my favorite lottery
19:58I am so excited
20:00when fortune calls
20:02I'd never been so happy
20:04with someone picking my
20:06winning the lottery would be kind of funny
20:17boy, I don't know what I'd do with all that money
20:21a lot of people think that it would be kind of scary
20:25but I would buy the show and fire Drew Carey
20:29I'll be right back with more Who's Line?
20:31Minus Ryan Stiles
20:32I'll be right back with more Who's Line?
20:33Minus Ryan Stiles
20:34I'll be right back with more Who's Line?
20:35Minus Ryan Stiles
20:36I'll be right back with more Who's Line?
20:37Minus Ryan Stiles
20:38Hey, man
20:39I just killed you
20:40it's just a joke, man
20:43Hey, welcome back to Who's Line? Is It Anyway?
20:45Tonight we're going to end the show
20:46with someone reading the credits
20:47that someone's going to be Colin
20:49Colin, I want you to read the credits
20:50unaware that the rest of these guys
20:52are behind you stripping with tassels on
20:54So, whenever you're ready
20:56go ahead and read the credits
20:57and start stripping
20:58We'll see you later
20:59This was The Bell for Television
21:01by Dan Patterson
21:02Drew Carey, Ryan Stiles
21:03and the executive producer
21:04Mark Leveson
21:05Boy, I just feel the heat
21:07from other creative juices
21:09Drew Carey's the host
21:10Ryan Stiles, Don Murphy, Wade Brady
21:11Kathy Greenwood
21:12Eric Walker and Steele Improved
21:15I tell you
21:16you've got to keep abreast
21:17of everything that's happening here tonight
21:19Alison Sedaris, Julie Rye
21:21all wonderful people
21:22I tell you
21:23no nudes is good nudes
21:25Oh my
21:27Oh my god
21:28Oh my god