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00:00Good evening, everybody, and welcome to
00:03Whose Line Is It Anyway?
00:04On tonight's show, the man with the golden gun,
00:07Wayne Brady.
00:08From Russia with love, Karen Mariama.
00:11For your eyes only, Colin Mochrie.
00:13And the spy who loved me, Brian Stiles.
00:17And I'm your host, Drew Carey.
00:18Come on down, let's have some fun.
00:24Hello.
00:25Hi, everybody.
00:28Welcome.
00:28Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway,
00:30the show where everything's made up
00:31and the points don't matter.
00:32That's right, the points here are,
00:34they don't mean a thing, they're useless.
00:35Just like the lottery ticket in your pocket.
00:39And I've never seen a show before.
00:42What happens is we have all our performers come up,
00:43they're gonna make everything up
00:44right off the top of their heads,
00:45right in front of you.
00:46And then we give them points, I don't know why,
00:47it's just a little gag to tie the show together.
00:49And at the end of the show, we pick a winner,
00:51the winner gets to do something special with me,
00:52and that's why we'll never win an Emmy.
00:54So, let's get things going
00:57with a game called Film, TV, and Theater Styles.
01:00This is for Ryan, Colin, and Karen.
01:02What's gonna happen is they're gonna act out a scene,
01:04but I'm gonna make them adapt different styles.
01:05And what I need from the audience
01:06is some styles of film, styles of television,
01:08or styles of theater that you enjoy.
01:10Horror movies.
01:12Monsters.
01:13John Wayne is good.
01:15Guerrilla theater.
01:16Surfing.
01:16Guerrilla theater.
01:19One more, a couple more?
01:21Guerrilla theater.
01:22Infomercials.
01:22Okay, that's plenty.
01:23We got a lot.
01:24What we're gonna do is you're gonna start a scene,
01:27normally, and then after the scene gets started,
01:29I'm gonna buzz you,
01:29and then you come in with these different styles
01:31I'm gonna throw to you,
01:32and we'll see how it goes.
01:33The scene is Ryan is a WWII pilot.
01:36That's World War II.
01:37All right.
01:38I thought it was a wrestling pilot.
01:41So do a lot of people.
01:43That's why I had to say World War II.
01:45Pilot saying goodbye to his tearful girlfriend, Karen,
01:47as he leaves on a dangerous mission.
01:49Colin, his wounded co-pilot,
01:51promises to look after.
01:56I'm gonna think about you every day, Chip.
01:58I'm gonna miss you, darn it.
01:59Miss you.
01:59I'm gonna think about you once every three hours.
02:03Can we pick this up?
02:04I'm losing a lot of blood.
02:06Look, Johnny and I may not come back from this mission,
02:09but I want you to know that I...
02:10You didn't get the note?
02:12No.
02:14John Wayne.
02:16You two are brave, I tell you.
02:17You're too darn brave.
02:19And I'm just a woman.
02:20Don't you worry, you little schoolmarm.
02:22I'm gonna make sure I'm gonna bring
02:23your big padre back in one piece.
02:26It's a bad war, but someone's got up on it.
02:36I think you got your parachute
02:38cinched up a little tight.
02:41Uh, Gorilla Theater.
02:43Take that!
02:44Go!
02:45Go!
02:45Go!
02:45Go!
02:45Go!
02:45Go!
02:45Go!
02:45Go!
02:46Go!
02:46Go!
02:46Go!
02:47Go!
02:48Go!
02:48Go!
02:49Go!
02:50Go!
03:00Pokemon!
03:00Hello!
03:01Hello!
03:02Hello!
03:03I am Ichi!
03:05Please don't go!
03:10You're making my tail catch on fire!
03:12Jigglypuff!
03:18Pikachu!
03:24Monster movie.
03:28What happened to my co-pilot?
03:34I don't know.
03:35Oh, your ankle.
03:37I can't go.
03:38I'll meet you down there.
03:42Thank you, thank you very much.
03:48500 points apiece.
03:49Stick those points where the sun don't shine.
03:51Seattle and Washington.
03:58Let's go on to a game called Weird Newscasters.
04:00This is for all four of you.
04:01Colin, you're the anchor of a news program.
04:03Your co-anchor is Karen.
04:05Karen, you're playing a frisky granny.
04:09It says here, frisky granny with a crush on Colin.
04:12Oh, all right.
04:13Wayne, you're doing the sports.
04:15You're an inept fireman called to an emergency.
04:18And Ryan, you're doing the weather.
04:19You're a matador in a bullfight.
04:24So whenever you're ready, go ahead and start on here for the meeting.
04:32Good evening.
04:32It's time for the 6 o'clock news.
04:34I'm your anchor, Les Miserable.
04:36Yes, you are.
04:37Yes, you are.
04:39All right, our top story today.
04:41According to a recent scientific report, men think about sex every six seconds.
04:45And because...
04:46Mike Wallace.
04:52And now over to you.
04:53Hello there.
04:55I'm Francine Lee.
04:56And I love watching you talk.
04:58I want you to set me free.
04:59I'm 60, but I feel like a nubile teen.
05:06You're kidding yourself.
05:10And now why don't we see what's happening in the world of sports.
05:13Winky.
05:15You got it, Sparky.
05:17Hello?
05:32Back to you.
05:37I made you a pie.
05:41I'm freaking out.
05:43And now, over to the weather.
05:46Stormy.
05:47Thank you very much.
05:48Well, it looks like we've got sunny weather all over the country, except for one place.
05:52Seattle, Washington.
05:54With the...
05:54In Seattle, Washington.
06:00As you can see...
06:02Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
06:32Go, go!
06:33Go, go!
06:34Go, go, go!
06:35Go, go, go!
06:36Go, go, go!
06:37Go, go, go!
06:38Go, go, go, go!
06:39Go, go, go, go!
06:54Well, that reminds me, tomorrow we have an interview with Al Gore.
06:58That is the news!
06:596 o'clock, see you tomorrow!
07:02Uh, great, a thousand points to each of you.
07:11And, uh, you know, also, the same time we're on Diagnosis Murderers on CBS,
07:15a lot of old people watch that show, and apparently there's hundreds of people every week
07:18who don't live long enough to find out who the murderer is.
07:21It's a true story.
07:24They all live in Seattle.
07:27A thousand points for that great kiss that Karen planted on Colin.
07:30That was great.
07:31And, uh, it wasn't as good as a kiss that Colin gave me on the Drew Carey Show, but it was
07:37all right.
07:38It was a lot easier to watch, I'll tell you that.
07:43Uh, let's move on to a game called Song Styles!
07:46For Wayne.
07:48For all right there, it's just the world.
07:50La, la, la, la, la.
07:53You, sir, can I have your name, please?
07:56Bob.
07:57Bob, nice to meet you, Bob.
07:58What do you do for a living?
07:59I'm a pastor.
08:00Uh, oh, he's a pastor.
08:01Come on down here, Bob.
08:02Nice to meet you.
08:03Say hi, everybody.
08:04Okay, I love to make it easy for Wayne.
08:11Wayne, you're gonna be singing about Pastor Bob in the style of a James Bond theme song.
08:19And the Bond villain you're singing about is Pastor Bob the Bond villain.
08:40He's the man who talks to God every day.
08:45He does it in his pastoral way.
08:48He's the man, call him the pastor.
08:53He has the Bible.
08:55He carries it around like a gun.
08:59Back evil spirits set on stun.
09:02Cause he's the pastor.
09:06And God is his master.
09:09He is the one from who he gets his orders.
09:13He's the king.
09:15He knows no spiritual or mental borders.
09:19He doesn't have a collar cause he's not a reverend.
09:23He doesn't wear a hat, he's not the Pope.
09:26But because he's a very good pastor,
09:30To get to heaven is what he hopes.
09:35That's what he hopes.
09:38That's what he hopes.
09:41That's what he hopes.
09:42That's what he hopes.
09:46Welcome back to Who's Liners and Anyway, the show where everything is made up and the points
10:09don't matter. That's right. Like borders to Germans, the points don't matter. Let's go
10:14on to a game called Party Quirks. Just for everybody, Karen, you're going to be hosting a party.
10:19Wayne, Colin, and Ryan, you're going to be the guests. We're going to be giving each a strange
10:21quirk or identity written on these cards here. Karen, why don't you come down so you don't see
10:23them? And you start the party. Don't bring these guys in one at a time with a doorbell. You have
10:27to guess who they are. Okay. So whenever you're ready, Karen, start the party. Oh, boy. Melon balls.
10:37Oh, come on in. Hello. Hey, man, you got something? I got, I got, hey, you.
10:43Roof, roof, roof. Slam. Roof, roof, roof, roof.
10:50Roof, roof, roof, roof. Ah, no. Roof, roof.
10:55Get off me, no. Get off me, no. Get off me, no. Get off me, no. Get off me, no.
11:02Oh, goodness. I am so glad I invited you, Charlie, because you're so much fun. Oh, hello.
11:12Oh. Oh. Hey. It's new. It's a new outfit. It's see-through. Oh, oh. Okay. Frank, ow.
11:28Hey, Karen. Hey, man. Hey, man. Give me some pieces. I am so glad I invited you. All right.
11:46Hello. Hello. Hello, Karen. Thanks for inviting me. Hello, Ryan. Oh, you look beautiful.
11:53Oh, hey. Fist sticks. Do you mind if I just... Yeah. Oh, my God.
11:59Whoa. That was close. Couldn't see what I was eating. Better plug in a lamp.
12:03I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I ruined the whole party.
12:16Oh, my God. A criminal on the lamp. No. I'm a bad boy. Bad boy. What am I gonna do?
12:25Oh. Oh. You're Mike Tyson.
12:30Ooh. Ooh. Hey. You know what? I'm not a car that you can try out.
12:35No. I'm not a car. I'm not a car. You're testing a car. No.
12:38No. Oh. You think I'm a vending machine. Yes.
12:41I'd be okay with you if I took a bath with you, toaster.
12:48What?
12:50I can't believe you're so suicidal.
12:53No.
12:53Suicidal.
12:54No.
12:54Whoa.
12:56Oh, boy.
12:58Where is he first?
12:59He's a cat.
13:01A suicidal cat.
13:02No, and he's going through how many lives do cats have?
13:04He's a cat that's using up all nine lives.
13:07Yes.
13:11You are a breaking and entering thief that's running away from a...
13:19Could be.
13:20On next week.
13:20What show would he be on if he was a breaking and entering thief?
13:23Oh, cops!
13:24Yes!
13:34That was fantastic.
13:35Don't ever go on Celebrity Jeopardy.
13:36The last game is called The Millionaire Show.
13:43It's for Colin and Ryan and Wayne and Karen.
13:46Colin, you're going to be host of a game show called The Millionaire Show.
13:50Ryan is a contestant on the show.
13:51Wayne, you're the friend at home, the lifeline.
13:53And Karen is the friend of the relative in the studio audience.
13:56The twist is, this is the 1930s gangster version of The Millionaire Show.
14:03So go ahead and take it away.
14:04The 1930s gangster version of The Millionaire Show.
14:07Hello, I'm Phoebus Regan.
14:10Today we're going to make a millionaire, but I don't want anyone to talk about it after you see it.
14:14Forget anything that happened here.
14:16Do you understand?
14:18We bring you back your name?
14:21Bugsy Bugsy.
14:23Your name!
14:25Bugsy Malone.
14:26That's right.
14:28You are two questions away from getting a million dollars.
14:31I ain't answering any more of your questions.
14:32You're going to answer your questions!
14:35Don't make me pull my gat.
14:39That's a gun.
14:40I know.
14:43Are you ready?
14:44All right, I'm ready to hear what you have to say.
14:46Answer these questions, you'll get a million dollars.
14:48How do I get the million dollars?
14:49I want it in small bills.
14:51You'll get it the way you get it, and you'll get it that way.
14:53Oh!
14:53I didn't even do nothing.
14:57All right, listen up, tall guy.
14:59Chaucer is A, a playwright.
15:06B, a bad way to pronounce saucer.
15:09C, a fruity drink.
15:13Or D, that dirty squealer who's under the ocean with cement overshoes and a dick...
15:19Shut up about that!
15:21D doesn't count!
15:22I'm ruling out D right now.
15:24It never existed.
15:24All right.
15:25So, what's your answer?
15:29Saucer sounds right.
15:30Fachasa, I'm going to have to make a call up into the audience until...
15:34No, I'm going up into the audience to one of my relatives.
15:36All right.
15:37My dear mother's up there.
15:38Ma!
15:38Can you hear me?
15:39Yeah, I can, Bugsy.
15:41But Mommy's a little drunk on hooch.
15:44Ma!
15:45He's grilling me.
15:45I need some answers.
15:46I tell you, I'm just a dame.
15:48I'm torn between A and C.
15:49A and C.
15:50I'm going to go with A, but I'm just a dame.
15:54Apparently, my mother's Jewish and I'm not.
15:58I'm going to have to go with B.
15:59Is that your final answer?
16:00No, C's my final answer.
16:02C's your final answer?
16:02Yeah.
16:03That's the last one.
16:03That's my final answer.
16:04You're not going to say it anymore.
16:05A.
16:05A's your final answer?
16:07What?
16:07Your final answer's A.
16:08A.
16:09A's your final answer.
16:09What are you talking about?
16:10That's your last answer?
16:11Yes!
16:12You picked A.
16:13You lousy stupid!
16:15Yeah, that's right.
16:15What?
16:16Yeah, that's right.
16:16Put it in there, buddy.
16:22Here is your next question.
16:24The capital of Paraguay is A.
16:29Nuki-lama?
16:31C.
16:32Muki-waka?
16:34C.
16:35Liki-niki?
16:37Or D.
16:37Is the capital of Paraguay the P?
16:44Hey.
16:45What are you trying to pull on me?
16:48You had an A and two C's in there!
16:52Hey, there's no need to get...
16:54Oh!
16:56Oh!
16:56Aha!
16:57Oh!
16:57I'm going to have to make a phone call for this one.
17:01It's tricky with the A and two C's in a D.
17:06Someday they're going to invent a phone where you can just push buttons.
17:08You're crazy!
17:09I'm calling my warden.
17:14He's my best friend.
17:18Yeah, she?
17:19Warden.
17:19Warden.
17:19It's bugging me alone here.
17:21Meh.
17:21You're out of the joint.
17:22Out of the stir.
17:23Meh.
17:24Stop.
17:25Mind me found out I was missing, huh?
17:28Meh.
17:29You think it's funny now?
17:30Warden.
17:30I'm going straight.
17:31I ain't stealing it.
17:32I'm winning it.
17:33I just need the answer.
17:35Is it A, C, C, or D?
17:39Okay.
17:39It might help if I knew the question, you student, you duty.
17:42I've forgotten myself.
17:43It's the capital of Paraguay, Warden.
17:45You're from there, for God's sake.
17:47It's P.
17:47P.
17:48The big P.
17:49Alrighty.
17:50Thanks.
17:51Meh.
17:52That's one smart sheep.
17:55I'm going to have to say P.
17:57P.
17:58So your answer's D.
18:00I'm saying C.
18:01That's your final answer?
18:01No, I'm going to change it to C.
18:03That's your final answer?
18:04Yeah.
18:04That's your last answer?
18:05Hey, I'm going to say D.
18:06You're going to say D?
18:07But if it's not D, you're going to find yourself in cement shoes at the bottom of the...
18:11I don't know what river, but I'll find one.
18:13So you're picking D?
18:14I am picking D.
18:16Oh.
18:18Oh.
18:19Duh.
18:20Of all of the crazy answers you could have picked, you are a millionaire!
18:25Get out of here!
18:26Yeah!
18:26Yeah!
18:26Yeah!
18:27Hey!
18:33We'll be right back by who the winner is Don't Go Away!
18:42Welcome back to Who's On Is It Anyway?
18:45Uh, tonight's winner, Kiri Mariyama!
18:47Kiri Mariyama is here tonight.
18:48Yeah!
18:48Yeah!
18:48Yeah!
18:49Yeah!
18:49Yeah!
18:50Yeah!
18:50The rest of us are going to be punished by doing a hoedown for you.
18:53No one in here from the audience, Things That Scare You in the Middle of the Night.
18:57The Wife!
18:58The Wife!
18:59The Wife!
19:00Let's do a hoedown about the scary wife.
19:04Take it away, Laura Hall.
19:06Oh, I got married about a year ago.
19:17I'm as happy as can be, I think you all should know.
19:21But my wife, I'm glad I didn't marry, Except in the morning she looks like Drew Carey.
19:27Well, Wayne gets worried about his little wife, Cause she is the love of his life.
19:42But every night, just about three, Oh, Wayne, she's out with me.
19:49Every night, my wife scares the life out of me, With her ugly hair and scars all you can
20:08see.
20:09Marrying someone that ugly really wasn't my plan, I accidentally married Dennis Rodman.
20:15You know that my wife, she is my best pal, I will have to say that she is quite a gal.
20:26When it comes to wives, she is the best, She's the finest in the land.
20:33Now I'll get some sex.
20:34I'll get some sex.
20:37Hey, welcome back to Who's Line.
20:38We're going to have the show tonight with Wayne and Karen reading the credits for you.
20:51I'm watching you read the credits as two Who's Line fans waiting to meet the cast at the
20:56stage door.
20:57Good night, everybody.
20:58Thanks for watching.
20:59See you later.
21:00Hey, there's Drew Karen, Ryan Stiles.
21:01Oh, yeah.
21:02He's welcome there.
21:03Hey, tall dude.
21:04She puts on Ryan's makeup.
21:05Oh, my God, that Wayne Brady is so cute.
21:07Hey, look, it's Drew Karen.
21:08Oh, my God.
21:09I got the same glasses, dude.
21:10Oh, baby green, those colors.
21:11Oh, my God.
21:12Who the hell is Eric Wilker?
21:13I don't know, but Steven Bloom says Karen Ryan is really fun.
21:15Lionel.
21:16Lionel.
21:17Hey, look at the guy.
21:19Oh, my God.
21:20Oh, my God.
21:21Oh, my God.
21:22Please.
21:23Please.
21:24I love you.
21:25I love you.
21:26I love you.
21:27I love you.
21:28I love you.
21:29Yay.
21:30Yay.