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00:01Good evening and welcome to Who's Line Is It Anyway?
00:04On tonight's show, follow that card.
00:07Brad Sherwood, they're gaining on us.
00:09Wayne Brady.
00:10Don't worry, I drove one of these things in the Army.
00:12Colin Mochrie!
00:13And I think we lost him.
00:15Ryan Stiles!
00:16Randy Oaks, you're carrying one of those off the bike.
00:24Hello.
00:26Hello.
00:27Welcome to Who's Line Is It Anyway?
00:31The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.
00:33That's right, the points here are useless.
00:35They're useless like the rack of Speedos at the big and tall shop.
00:40You never saw the show before?
00:42How it goes is we have our performers come up,
00:45and they make up everything you see right off the top of their heads,
00:47and then I give them points, who knows why.
00:49And at the end of the show, we pick a winner,
00:50and the winner gets to do a little something special with me,
00:52and the loser has to do it twice.
00:54So let's get the show started with the game I like to call Let's Make a Date.
00:59This is for all four of you.
01:00Wayne is going to be a contestant on a dating show.
01:02Ryan, Colin, and Brad are contestants hoping to be picked by Wayne.
01:06And they really are in real life.
01:07And, uh, but on these cards here that they've never seen before,
01:10they're, we've given them a strange characteristic or identity.
01:13Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
01:16And Wayne has to guess who they are.
01:19So Wayne, whenever you're ready, go ahead.
01:21Hello, bachelor number one.
01:23Hello. Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi.
01:27Down, down, bachelor number one.
01:29I enjoy the great outdoors.
01:32What do you enjoy?
01:34I love the great outdoors.
01:35I'll go wherever you want to go.
01:36You want to go on a walk?
01:37I'll go on a walk.
01:38I'll go on a walk.
01:39I'll go on a walk.
01:40I'll do whatever you want me to do.
01:41Whatever you want me to do.
01:42You sound like a great Saturday night all rolled into one person, bachelor number one.
01:56Bachelor number two.
01:58I like a man who is strong.
02:03I like a man who is smart.
02:07But best of all, I like a man who knows how to work it on the dance floor.
02:15When I'm on the dance floor, I like the boogie.
02:18I'll make you forget all your troubles.
02:23And I bet you've got a great personality as well.
02:28Oh, yeah.
02:30Bachelor number three.
02:35Bachelor number three.
02:36Yes.
02:37I like a man who is well informed and kept up on today's topics.
02:40Don't look at me.
02:42Don't look at me when you ask me questions.
02:50I'm sorry.
02:52Um, tell me something.
02:54As a little child, did the other kids make fun of you?
02:57They were always busting my hump, if that's what you mean.
03:09Bachelor number one, what's your favorite food?
03:11I like anchovies.
03:12What's yours?
03:13I like bachelor number two.
03:18One and three.
03:19One and three.
03:20One and three.
03:21That's the third.
03:22One after you have Иис are Deckardänburg,
03:24Julia Arenday is a sorcerer celestial ray of space.
03:26What can our AOE as Marine Taney make sense?
03:28I think he's no one.
03:29Mom and terren Ihrerunde are the opposite.
03:30He's a recruit for like ministers.
03:32Salesforce are already a loner,
03:33he's a工程.
03:34我反映ando你 부탁 Jaán,
03:35he's a receiver,
03:36she's influenza.
03:37I don't know him.
03:38He's a billionaire,
03:39these girls instincts e ela,
03:41may not be queer.
03:42sit Ubu sit that's the number two make it quick you know uh I don't think I can compete against
03:55number three I can't beat this very well that's number three oh I speak French fluently what do
04:07you speak speak the language of love
04:37Wayne do you have a guess as to who these people are bachelor number one is a rabid puppy
04:53that's a dog
04:55that's number two is one of those old guys that you see hanging out at uh strip clubs at 2 a.m
05:05uh it says here Colin is the world's ugliest man looking for action so I'll take that
05:11and bachelor number three is Quasimodo
05:18that uh rabid dog Ryan Quasimodo and Colin mockery as himself
05:34don't even take any points from him throw him back in his face thousand thousand points for Colin thank
05:46you all right let's go on to a game called film TV and theater styles for Ryan and Colin they're going
05:52to act out a scene but I'm going to make them adapt different types of styles that I'm going to get
05:55from the audience the one for the audience is uh styles of film television or theater
06:01silent doesn't work good for TV but you know what I'm going to write it down anyway everybody
06:10always says silent I never say yes but this time I'm gonna
06:13uh sci-fi what what fantasy mystery disaster my sex life you just described fantasy mystery disaster
06:27what porn porn after school special what's the difference
06:33okay we got enough you're gonna start out regular and then I'll bring you in with the
06:41oh it's on the back of this car uh your scene is Ryan and Colin are two hikers on donkeys
06:46and are at each other's throats after three days lost in Echo Valley
06:52so uh start out normal I'll bring in with another style after you get started
06:55here we go hey hey hey will you move your ass ass ass ass mind if I turn off the echo echo yeah
07:11here we go science fiction king king king your your donkey it's flying that's right on my planet
07:29all donkeys fly I knew there was something odd about you mystery where did the donkeys go
07:39I don't like this I don't like it at all
07:44wait a minute did you notice we were riding up here they kept whispering in each other's ears
07:51we've been set up set up by two asses
07:56silent
08:01after school special
08:24five million points of course that's points that would never be used like my thigh master
08:42now let's move along to uh props uh we're gonna invite you guys into two pairs Ryan and Brad and
08:49Colin Wayne Ryan and Brad this is your prop you're welcome and you guys get this one you have to come
08:59up with as many ideas as you can using these props I'll buzz you in between go ahead Ryan and Brad
09:03welcome to Jamaica man pick your monopoly fortune card do you have a table for Tammy Faye Baker
09:19it's a hula hoop with a safety strap really oh I'm sorry you're all right
09:27daddy I'm a man I'm a man
09:30when the giant finds out you broke his reading glasses he's gonna be angry
09:37look at those ants fry you sure this will work Icarus
09:58hey don't forget if you keep it score at home for the most original scorebook you send to ABC the
10:20winner gets free cable
10:23I'm Drew Carey the fifth Teletubby nice to have you here
10:28let's go on to a game called News Flash this is for Brad Colin and Ryan
10:32uh Colin and Brad you are two anchors in the news studio Ryan out to the field you're gonna be a field reporter
10:38uh he's not going to the field he's going out to uh in front of the screen here you can see it's all green
10:42it's really green yeah but no matter what he turns around he can't see anything it's all I see is green yeah
10:50he has to try to guess what the image is behind him and Colin Brad are trying to give him hints so uh
10:56here we go over to Colin and Brad in the studio good luck so the priest says I thought you said stigmata
11:03we interrupt your regularly scheduled scheduled program to bring you our man in the field with
11:15a late-breaking story Ryan can you hear us I can hear you I can hear you indeed there's a lot of noise
11:20a lot of noise behind me as you can see but I can make out what you're saying yes
11:24now it seems kind of peaceful right now be careful be very careful well that was close
11:29oh no I see them closer wouldn't want to get hit by one of those no so is more
11:35well apparently it all started at our Ricky Martin garage sale about two days ago about two days ago and
11:42it hasn't stopped since he loves those fancy Cuban shoes doesn't he he sure does this right here has
11:47been happening for about ten minutes and I don't know what that is oh my goodness are you sure you're
11:54safe I am safe I'm wearing lead underwear at the moment and uh as you can see I'm keeping my distance
12:00because uh it just keeps coming this way and then going right back again oh that was a close one yeah
12:06it's been like that all day luckily your head isn't made of frozen chicken so tell me that's true our
12:13viewers at home exactly what you see since you're so close to the action well as you it started over here
12:19started right over here in this section and then it made its way right over here and right here is
12:25where it's just it's going to end right there
12:27amazing
12:29can I say something my father covered something similar to this in the 1930s
12:34really yes now that's when he was swamped with work
12:37right
12:39he was swamped with work at that time yes
12:41reminds me of a gary u.s. bond song
12:45does it indeed
12:47for the vh1 fans at home
12:49I wish I followed the music scene right now
12:53what do you call that exactly I'm not much of a expert
12:56well in high school we just called it a cheap date
13:01I don't know what you call it now
13:03now are you worried that your shoes could cause some concern
13:07I think I'm okay I think I'm okay there these uh these were killed by natural causes
13:13hit by a car
13:14oh were they
13:15these shoes here
13:16yeah Gator
13:17yeah
13:18alligator
13:19yeah
13:20there we go
13:21thank you Gary
13:23good job
13:25so what's the Gary u.s. bonds thing
13:29didn't you get do the Gator during a song of his
13:31you don't even know when you're throwing that out as a clue
13:33minus 500 points
13:39let's go on to a game that I'm gonna watch
13:42called
13:43Greatest Hits
13:44it's called Greatest Hits
13:45this is for all of you
13:46with help of Laura Hall and Linda Taylor
13:52Colin and Ryan you're gonna be TV guys
13:54talk about the latest compilation album
13:55and what's gonna happen is they're gonna try to think up songs and titles
13:57and trip up Wayne and Brad
13:59we're gonna try to sing the songs
14:00and what I need from the audience is a suggestion of something you'd look for in the Yellow Pages
14:06Psychiatrist
14:07okay good one
14:08Psychiatrist
14:09Psychiatrist
14:10Psychiatrist
14:11Psychiatrist
14:12let's go with the name of your album is Songs of the Psychiatrist
14:16and whenever you're ready off you go
14:18we'll be right back to our nature documentary
14:22Shlomo the Kosher Penguin
14:24in just a second
14:26you know we know there's a lot of people out there with problems don't we call them
14:30that is so true
14:31a lot of people who just can't think straight
14:32can't get their lives together
14:33that's why we're offering you a special offer
14:36a three CD set full of 13 songs
14:38concerning the Psychiatrist
14:40like that 1980's rhythm and blues hit
14:44your time's up
14:46boom
14:52oh oh oh oh oh
14:54now baby I don't want to make you mad
14:58but I've been listening to you droning on and writing in my pad
15:02you're a crazy type of creep
15:04and you are such a slouch
15:06why don't you get your crazy butt up off my couch
15:08your time is up
15:10your time is up
15:12your time is up
15:14your time is up
15:16your time is up
15:18your time is up
15:20your time is up
15:22your time is up
15:24your time is up
15:26your time is up
15:28your time is up
15:30your time is up
15:32your time is up
15:34your time is up
15:36it's a hard word
15:38it's not even a word really
15:40it's just two letters
15:42perhaps I should get some help
15:44your time is up
15:46you know
15:48when I was a young Rastafarian
15:52there is nothing I like better than listening to the reggae strains of
15:58half a phobias better than none
16:00oh no
16:02it goes
16:04something like this
16:06come again no
16:08come again no
16:10you know I am a buffalo soldier
16:12but I don't
16:14carry a gun
16:16and maybe you'll hear what I told ya
16:18a half a phobia is better than none
16:20no no
16:22no no no no
16:24no no no no
16:26no no no you do not care
16:28become myself a half a phobia
16:30mean I'm afraid of the dead
16:32I'm afraid of the height
16:34I'm afraid of the left
16:36I'm afraid of the right
16:38oh oh oh
16:40is better than none
16:42half a phobia is better than none
16:44maybe you cannot have one
16:46because half a phobia is better than none
16:48oh oh
16:50As long as there's been psychiatrists,
16:59there's been people singing about them
17:00behind their backs.
17:03But one of the best early rock classics
17:05was, of course,
17:07Freud or Jung.
17:08Who knows?
17:20Ever since I was a little kid
17:24I don't know my psyche or my head
17:26Oh, baby, why don't we go
17:29Tell me what the hell's an ego
17:31Oh, is it Freud?
17:34Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah
17:35Well, I've been crazy, crazy, crazy
17:37since the day I was born
17:38Early, early evening till the early morning
17:41I don't know whether I'm straight or hung
17:43Cause I don't know whether Freud or Jung
17:45Are the ones for me
17:47Cause I haven't quite figured it out
17:49I like his, I pull up down
17:50Where's Freud or Jung?
17:52Freud or Jung
17:53Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom
17:54Freud or Jung
17:55Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom
17:57Freud, Jung
17:57Vroom, vroom, vroom, вroom
17:59Freud, Jung
18:00Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom
18:02Freud, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom.
18:04So I'm like this.
18:12Hey, folks, don't worry.
18:13We're going to find out who the winner is
18:14where this story shall
18:15See you later in a minute.
18:19Welcome back to Who's Lying Is It Anyway?
18:24Try Twitter, Wayne Brady.
18:25Keep it going for Wayne Brady.
18:26How about it?
18:28Wayne Brady.
18:29So these guys are going to help me do a game we call World's Worst.
18:32Let's step up to the World's Worst step here.
18:34And we have to come up with as many examples as we can of the World's Worst what, Wayne?
18:38World's Worst...
18:39World's Worst...
18:40Not as easy as he thinks.
18:43That's right.
18:44I earned my money, pal.
18:46That's all I can say.
18:47World's Worst Nightclub Act.
18:52And now with my appendix gone, all that's left to do is sew me up.
19:00Thank you very much.
19:02Runs McLean's on Crystal Avenue.
19:09Capital of Washington is Olympia.
19:11Capital of Oregon is Salem.
19:13Capital of California is Sacramento.
19:15Capital of Idaho is Bursi.
19:17Capital of Nevada is...
19:19The capital of Florida is the F.
19:25The capital of Washington is the W.
19:28The capital of...
19:30Hi, Colin!
19:38Say hi to...
19:41Hey, Drew!
19:42Hey, Dave!
19:43How are you?
19:52Yeah, da-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta.
19:54See, now this one's sticking out a little more.
20:03Watch.
20:10All right, if everybody's ready,
20:13I spy with my little eye.
20:16Something that is green.
20:17Green.
20:22Is this your card?
20:24It's your card.
20:31Now, please be very quiet as I get the lion to cough.
20:41Welcome back to Hootliners.
20:45Welcome back to Hootliners.
20:46And anyway, tonight we're getting the show
20:48with Brad and Colin.
20:49Read the credits.
20:50I want you to read the credits as two excitable reporters
20:52covering the rivals at a big awards show.
20:54So go at it.
20:55Good night, everybody.
20:56Thanks for watching Hootliners.
20:57See you next time.
20:58Oh, the limousine is opening.
21:00I do believe I see Drew Cary.
21:01Oh, my goodness.
21:02Oh, my goodness.
21:03Oh, my goodness.
21:04Mark Levison is wearing a beautiful Jimmy Mobile tonight.
21:06Oh, my goodness.
21:07Oh, and Ruth Phillips has some wonderful shoes.
21:09I've never seen Night Lights before.
21:10Those are designed by Brad Sherwood and Linda Taylor.
21:12Oh, and look, Lionel Max Passamonte.
21:14And Eric Wilker.
21:15I tell you, he gets more and more handsome
21:16with every passing award show.
21:17I just saw him on Baywatch with Ray Miller and Julie Ryan.
21:20They were phenomenal together.
21:21Ted Ashton, Chris Gale.
21:22Those are all people who owe me money.
21:25We are doing great.