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00:00Good evening and welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway?
00:04On tonight's show, in space, no one can hear Wayne Brady.
00:08This time it's personal, Denny Siegel.
00:11Love is never having to say you're Colin Mochrie.
00:13And don't go with the basement, it's Ryan Stiles.
00:17And I'm your host, Gary.
00:18Come on now, let's have some fun.
00:19Hello, hello.
00:29Hello, and welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway?
00:33Whose Line Is It Anyway?
00:34Where everything's made up and the points don't matter.
00:36That's right, the points are like the drapes
00:38at Pamela and Tommy Lee's house.
00:42It just don't matter.
00:43What's gonna happen during the show
00:44is all these five performers are gonna come up here.
00:46They're gonna make everything up for you
00:47right off the top of their heads.
00:49And then I give them points.
00:50It's just a gag to hold the show together, really.
00:51It doesn't have anything to do with anything.
00:53And at the end of the night,
00:54we arbitrarily choose a winner.
00:56The winner gets to do a little something special with me,
00:58which is illegal in Alabama,
00:59but we're gonna do it anyway.
01:01We don't care what people in Alabama think,
01:03we're gonna do it anyway, right?
01:04That's right.
01:05Freedom, woo!
01:08Now, let's start out with a game called Let's Make a Date.
01:11This is for all four of you.
01:12Denny, you're gonna be appearing on a dating type show,
01:15hoping to be picking a bachelor
01:16that can make your dreams come true.
01:17Unfortunately, all we have is Ryan, Colin, and Wayne.
01:19And we're gonna give each of them
01:22a strange characteristic or identity,
01:23and you're gonna have to guess who they are.
01:27Now you know why I said, oh, no.
01:29Now, let's go off you go.
01:32Denny, whenever you're ready.
01:34Uh, bachelor number one.
01:36If I were a vehicle, I would be a convertible
01:39with my top always down,
01:42what kind of vehicle would you be?
01:46Oh, for sure.
01:47Me, me, me be big car, drive fast.
01:49Oh!
01:58Okay, that sounds intriguing.
02:01Bachelor number two.
02:03When I was a baby,
02:04my first words were mama and cookie.
02:08If you were my baby bachelor number two,
02:11what would your first words to me be?
02:15Oh, you wanna talk to me?
02:19You know, it's just give, give, give, isn't it?
02:22On my part, doesn't matter.
02:24Sleep, rain, snow, sunny, it doesn't matter.
02:28As long as you get what you want.
02:33Okay, thanks.
02:34Okay, um, bachelor number three, hi.
02:39Hello.
02:40Um, I don't own a telescope for a lot of reasons.
02:44But if I did, what I'm wondering is,
02:48if you were a constellation bachelor number three,
02:50what constellation would you be?
02:52I would be stars that...
02:55four!
02:56Alves!
02:57Alves!
02:58Alves!
02:59Come, aliens!
03:00We accept you!
03:01Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack.
03:02Okay, bachelor number one.
03:03Back to you.
03:04A lot of men brag that they can take their women around the world.
03:20Where would you take me?
03:21Ooh!
03:22Oh, I take you.
03:23Yeah, yeah.
03:24Take you to, uh, water planet.
03:25Yeah, yeah.
03:26Oh, how rude.
03:27I'm big, one big stereotype.
03:28Wow.
03:29That's really good, bachelor number one,
03:30because it's really important to me that a man has a good stereo.
03:35Bachelor number two.
03:36What?
03:37If I were waiting to hear from you...
03:38Yeah.
03:39...and then I did, I'd be so happy, I'd put on something pink and slinky.
03:44Would you?
03:45Would you?
03:46Yeah.
03:47And keep putting them in the slots!
03:48Slot there!
03:49Slot!
03:50Nobody's leaving!
03:51Nobody's leaving!
03:52Nobody's leaving!
03:53Nobody's leaving!
03:54Nobody!
03:55What?
03:56What?
03:57What?
03:58What?
03:59What?
04:00What?
04:01What?
04:02What?
04:03What?
04:04What?
04:05What?
04:06What?
04:07What?
04:08What?
04:09What?
04:10What?
04:11What?
04:12What?
04:13What?
04:14What?
04:15What?
04:16What?
04:17What?
04:18What?
04:19What?
04:20What?
04:21What?
04:22What?
04:23What?
04:24What?
04:25What?
04:26What?
04:27What?
04:28What?
04:29What?
04:30What?
04:31What?
04:32What?
04:33What?
04:34What?
04:35What?
04:36thing in life is love or access to a big mall. What would you say the most important thing in life is?
04:48Hello Admiral! Hello Admiral! Miss Piggy, nice to see you. Who made the salad?
04:57Okay, uh, Denny, who are these three kids? Wow. It's gonna be really hard to choose because they're
05:04all really fairly male and, um, so I'm just gonna start with the first one. Bachelor number one,
05:11are you a kimono dragon? No. How rude! Oh, wait a minute. Bachelor number one, are you dating Woody Allen?
05:23No, but that's a great guest though. You're, you're some kind of Japanese. Have you seen Star Wars,
05:38the Phantom, did you see the movie? Yeah, oh no, you're Jar Jar? Yeah.
05:42Oh, my dream date. I have you on a big plastic cup. All right, well, I don't want to go out
05:53with Bachelor number two because he's clearly a disgruntled postal worker. But I'm kind of
06:02intrigued by Bachelor number three, who's clearly encompassing every paranoid mental illness known
06:09to Mac. No. No? No. Okay, then he's someone in my family.
06:17That's, uh, close enough. He's, uh, still hypnotized from last night's stage show.
06:21That's what it is. Thanks very much.
06:33Oh, Woody, y'all jokes are so funny.
06:35Okay, let's go on. God, man, that was funny. Let's go on to, uh, a game called sound effects.
06:47The sound effects for Colin and Ryan. Colin, you're going to improvise a scene and Ryan,
06:51you're going to provide sound effects that, uh, Colin has to respond to. There's his microphone.
06:54Um, and the scene is a day in the life of a busy caveman.
06:59Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
07:20Oh, oh, oh.
07:24Oh, oh, oh.
07:38It's not too difficult to...
07:46I cu-u-u...
07:52Oooh...
07:53Whoo!
07:55Whoo!
08:01D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d...
08:06Mhm.
08:15Uuuhhh.
08:20***
08:28Arrahh!
08:33Pfft.
08:34Pfft.
08:35Pfft.
08:36ROAR!
09:06Oh, oh!
09:14ROAR!
09:20ROAR!
09:23ROAR!
09:29Thank you very much!
09:34Thank you very much.
09:42510 points for each of you.
09:44Actually, only 500 points, but the camera adds 10 points.
09:48Makes you look like you have 10 more points than you do.
09:51Now, we're going to do a game called Props.
09:53This is for all of you.
09:54Ryan and Denny, this is your prop, believe it or not.
09:57Good luck.
09:59And Colin and Wayne, there you go.
10:02They have to come up with as many ideas for these props as they can.
10:06And I'll buzz them in between.
10:07Ryan and Denny, go ahead and start.
10:10No, I'm telling you, it's like a totally bitchin' wave.
10:14I remember back in 1984, we would sit outside drinking lemonade.
10:23Today, we bury Pamela Anderson.
10:30Feed me, Seymour.
10:32Hey, you look like you're troubled, Tim.
10:39Be back with...
10:40No!
10:41Ah!
10:43Well, Miss Kitty, you got to head out of town with me.
10:49This is the worst Pac-Man massacre I've ever seen.
10:55Yeah, laugh all you want, Sonny.
10:56You'll droop too when you're my age.
10:58A little-known fact about the Alps, when they get wet, they roll up a little.
11:04Blistex delivery for Mr. Jagger.
11:21Oh, yeah.
11:23We'll be right back with more whose line is it anyway?
11:26Don't go anywhere!
11:27Welcome back to whose line is it anyway, the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.
11:38I had a nice break.
11:38I hope you did, too.
11:39I had a sandwich and a pizza and a six-pack of beer.
11:42Now, let's go on to, uh, because I'm a pig.
11:44Okay, now, let's go on to a game called Moving People.
11:48Moving People is for Colin and Ryan.
11:50They're going to improvise a scene, but they can't move unless somebody moves them.
11:56What's your name?
11:57Dallas.
11:57Dallas, I should meet you, Dallas.
11:58What's your name?
11:59Joe, are you together?
12:00Dallas and Joe?
12:02Sure.
12:02You're together now.
12:03Come on up here.
12:04Meet, uh, Colin and Ryan.
12:05Another big game for Dallas and Joe.
12:07What's your favorite thing?
12:10Dallas, Joe, Colin, Ryan.
12:11Now, uh, pick a person.
12:12You each get one person.
12:14Yep, you get stuck with Ryan.
12:15Sorry, Joe.
12:17Uh, Ryan and Colin are mannequins, okay?
12:20They can't move unless you move them, so put them in a position right now.
12:22Any position you want them to be in, they can't move unless you move them, so put them in any kind of position.
12:25Okay, any kind of position you want.
12:27Let's, uh...
12:29All right, that's good.
12:30Let's start right there.
12:32The scene is, while tracking some dangerous outlaws,
12:35Ryan, who's Tonto,
12:37and Colin, who's the Lone Ranger,
12:40are ambushed.
12:41Ambushed by the outlaws.
12:42So go ahead and start the game.
12:43Mm, Kimo Sabe been working out.
12:47Tonto, try to concentrate.
12:49Mm, me sorry.
12:50I'm going to try to raise over this rock here,
12:53just to see what the outlaws are doing.
12:55Mm.
12:55Maybe I'll stand on my tippy toes.
12:57No, let me just think about what I'm going to do.
13:01Mm, I can't seem to not touch you.
13:03I love you so much.
13:05Oh, good friend.
13:06Please concentrate.
13:08Yes, I can walk fine.
13:10Oh, good.
13:10But me now stop touching you.
13:13All right.
13:13Why don't you get your own gun under your holster?
13:17Mm, you think Tonto ready for her own gun?
13:19Yes.
13:21Tonto been working out as well.
13:27You hear that?
13:28What?
13:28You hear that, Lone Ranger?
13:29Yes, I do.
13:30Me here.
13:30Horse is coming.
13:36Uh, I can't.
13:38Oh, oh, what a splitting headache.
13:41Look into my eyes.
13:42I never look into your eyes.
13:44They're over here.
13:44I know where they are.
13:45I will not look at you.
13:46Tonto.
13:47Never.
13:47My friend.
13:48Never ever will I look at you.
13:49I'll strangle you.
13:50I will not look at you.
13:51I'll strangle you.
13:52You can say all the words you want to me.
13:54I will never look in your eyes.
13:56Tonto, we've been through so much.
13:57I no look.
14:01I'll put my hand down, but I no look at you.
14:04Oh, me hungry.
14:07All right.
14:07Over the ridge, over there.
14:09Where I'm about to point.
14:12Maskman, you know, you know I will never look at anything besides this spot on ground.
14:17I know.
14:18Come over to the horses and get the guns.
14:21All right, but me hope it's not too far from spot on ground.
14:24All right.
14:25Otherwise, me have to move head.
14:27Well, that's close enough to the horse.
14:28Here, take this gun.
14:29Catch.
14:33Sorry about the sissy throw.
14:34Look.
14:36Kimasabi.
14:37What?
14:37Me block spot on ground with hand.
14:40Good, Tonto.
14:41Good.
14:41Now just concentrate on the desperados.
14:43What desperados?
14:44That's the bad guys.
14:46Over there.
14:47Over where, Kimasabi?
14:49Then change direction.
14:51Me try to move own head, but won't help.
14:54Oh, my goodness.
14:56Now I'm only staring at one spot, too, Tonto.
14:59Someday I hope to see Whirl.
15:03It looks like it's too late for us, good friend.
15:06We've got no way to protect ourselves, and I'm just flailing, flailing.
15:11Oh, I imagine it's so beautiful over there.
15:22So much to see, so little time.
15:25Hey, help me get this large apple off the tree.
15:28What is tree, Kimasabi?
15:30It's over here, Tonto.
15:32Tree?
15:32Move your head.
15:34My head?
15:35You mean my head moves?
15:36Yeah!
15:38Thank you, Tonto.
15:39Yeah!
15:40Okay, thanks.
15:43Thank you, Dallas and Jones.
15:46Hey, that's just a friend over here.
15:47And she has a break.
15:48Have a great night.
15:54Well, that Joe sure can't take a hint, can he?
15:59All right.
16:00Points to everybody.
16:01Now let's do a game called, oh, my favorite game in the whole world.
16:04I'm a wide world.
16:05Guess what that is?
16:06Hoedown!
16:09Yeah!
16:11There we go.
16:12Yeah!
16:14I'd love me a hoedown, man.
16:16This is for everybody with the help of Laura Hall on the piano.
16:19Laura Hall.
16:21What I need from the audience is a suggestion of a reason you would call a lawyer.
16:27Bad neighbor.
16:29Bad neighbor.
16:30That was a good one.
16:31Thank you, whoever had the bad neighbor.
16:32Let's hear the bad neighbor hoedown.
16:35Laura, whenever you're ready.
16:36Who knew that when I moved into my house, my new neighbor would be such a louse.
16:51He's just like Jar Jar Binks, because he is always rude.
16:55Peeking in my window when I'm breakdancing nude.
16:58I once had a neighbor living there was really hard.
17:06I used to find legs and arms buried in my yard.
17:10My husband said, honey, you really should be calmer.
17:13But I said, it's your fault.
17:15We moved next to Jeffrey Dahmer.
17:17Parties with drunks and naked girls are happening next door.
17:25There is an awful racket.
17:26It's shaking up my floor.
17:28There's in and out and things are happening.
17:30I know I shouldn't grouse.
17:32But boy, I hate living next to the White House.
17:35I really hate the guy who lives next door to me.
17:43I wish he would move real far so I couldn't see.
17:47People running naked.
17:49It's really, really scary.
17:51But I guess that's what you get when you live next door to Drew Carey.
17:55Drew, Drew Carey.
17:57We'll be right back with more Who's Live? Is It Anyway?
18:02Right after this, don't go anywhere.
18:10Hey, welcome back to Who's Live? Is It Anyway?
18:12Tonight's winner, Ryan Stiles.
18:14Ryan Stiles is the big winner tonight.
18:16That's right.
18:18He is the big winner.
18:20Because he's the winner, we're going to help him do a very special game.
18:22It's called Helping Hands.
18:24Colin is going to be his hands for him.
18:25So he didn't even have to use his hands.
18:26All he has to do is kind of stand there and talk.
18:27And then I'm going to help him out.
18:29And I don't know why we're wearing these festivals.
18:31Let's find out from Wayne.
18:32Wayne, what's the gag here?
18:33Ryan is a Green Beret teaching Drew how to survive in the wild and live off the land.
18:37All right.
18:39You ever been out in the woods before, Carey?
18:41You ever had to live by the land?
18:43No, I haven't.
18:44What do I do?
18:45Tell me what do I start with.
18:46First you salute me.
18:46Let me show you the rock right way.
18:48Ha, ha, ha.
18:50Ha, ha.
18:51Hey, you learn fast, Carey.
18:54Yeah, first we're going to do a little...
18:56Hand, hand, combat.
18:57We'll skip that.
18:59Yeah, we'll skip that.
19:00Carey, sometimes you're out in the woods.
19:03Yes?
19:03You're not going to find any sort of convenience store out there, any sort of fast food place.
19:08You've got to learn to live off the land.
19:10What do you do, dig in the dirt or something like that?
19:12Dirt, Carey?
19:12Yeah.
19:13You know what vitamins are in dirt?
19:14No, tell me.
19:16Carey.
19:17Dirt, to some, is very edible.
19:21What does it taste like, I wonder?
19:22Dirt, to some, is very good.
19:23Oh!
19:23Oh!
19:23Oh!
19:24A worm!
19:24Oh!
19:25A worm!
19:25The dirt is best washed down with diggly worms.
19:26That's right.
19:27And what do you use to drink out the wild?
19:40Where do you get your water and all that stuff?
19:41Well, I'm hoping they're scrubbing this canteen right now.
19:43Yeah.
19:45Please let there be some...
19:46Oh, there it is.
19:49How's that?
19:50Oh, that's good stuff.
19:51Yeah.
19:54Now, tell me, how do you disguise yourself so people don't see you when you're out, besides
19:58with the clothes we're wearing, of course?
19:59Hey!
19:59Still working on the dirt.
20:02Well, there's all kinds of ways...
20:03Why don't you spit it out in your hand?
20:04All right.
20:05There's all kinds of ways...
20:06There's all kinds of ways to disguise yourself, Carey.
20:10Thanks for asking.
20:11This here?
20:12Yeah.
20:12This is paint.
20:13Yeah.
20:13Paint that helps you blend in.
20:14You notice I'm wearing the vest?
20:16Yeah.
20:16This would...
20:17For instance, this is brown paint.
20:18Right.
20:19If I put this on my face...
20:21Yeah.
20:21I'd be a tree.
20:22Look, I'm a tree.
20:23You can't see me.
20:24You can't see me.
20:25A little green.
20:26If I take a little green...
20:27Take a little green and I just put a little bit on the end of my nose...
20:31Yeah.
20:31Look, I'm a frog in a tree.
20:33Frog in a tree.
20:34Can't see me.
20:35Can't see me.
20:35Frog in a tree.
20:36And then I pounce.
20:37And you pounce.
20:38And you pounce.
20:39Thanks for watching Hoos Line.
20:41Before we get ready, don't go away.
20:48Hey, welcome back to Hoos Line.
20:50We're going to end the show tonight with Colin and Wayne reading the credits for you.
20:54Colin and Wayne, you're going to read the credits as two drill sergeants.
20:57Two drill sergeants read the credits.
20:58Good night, everybody.
20:59We'll see you next time.
21:00All right.
21:00Ted, help.
21:01Dad, I'm going to make my cousin.
21:03I'm going to make my...
21:03I said Drew Carey, Ron Staub, Dan Patterson.
21:05You better produce that show, boy.
21:06You give me money, Bruce Coward.
21:08You give me money.
21:08Now, Tom Park, Drew Carey, you big sissy.
21:12Ron Staub, Colin McQueen, KP.
21:14We're going to get into this guy in five seconds.
21:16One, two, three, four, five, five.
21:17Eric Hawkins, a tit-hub, Stacey Gale.
21:19She's super-bundered.
21:20I don't want to come on down.
21:21And I don't know, Danny Camongo.
21:23I don't know, he's done all.
21:24Dana Peterson.
21:26God help.
21:26Rally film.
21:27God help.
21:28On ABC Sound.
21:29God help.
21:30God help.
21:30God help.
21:30God help.
21:31Anyway.
21:32God help.
21:40I'm angry.
21:41God help.
21:41God help.
21:45Go.
21:46Christ.