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00:00Good evening, everybody, and welcome to Who's Line Is It Anyway?
00:05On tonight's show, suitable for all audiences, Wayne Brady.
00:09Maybe unsuitable for younger viewers, Chip Esten.
00:12NC-17 for nudity and language, Colin Bakery.
00:15And yee-haw, Ryan Stiles.
00:19And I'm your host, Security.
00:20I'm your host, have a fun.
00:30Welcome to Who's Line Is It Anyway?
00:33The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter.
00:34That's right, the points are just like opera in Alabama.
00:39That's right, they don't matter.
00:40So let's get the show going, see how it goes.
00:42Let's play a game called Weird Newscasters.
00:44This is for all four of you.
00:45Colin, you're going to be the anchor of a news show.
00:48Your co-anchor is Chip.
00:49Chip, you're a high-energy game show host.
00:53So kind of the opposite of me.
00:56Wayne, you're doing the sports.
00:58You're a sadistic marine drill sergeant.
01:00And Ryan, you're doing the weather.
01:02You get hit in the crotch with a football.
01:07So Colin, whenever you hear the music, take it away.
01:15Introducing Colin!
01:24Welcome to the 6 o'clock news.
01:25I'm your anchor, Colin Marines.
01:28And our top story today.
01:31Hollywood was saddened when Foghorn Leghorn died today at the age of 65.
01:37Memorial services will be held tomorrow, after which the deceased will be served with a nice orange sauce.
01:41And now over to our co-anchor, Smiley Dick.
01:51That's right, Colin.
01:52And you know the rules of the popcorn and leghorn game.
01:54Well, it's time to go over to sports with Wink Winkly.
02:11Wink.
02:11What are you looking at, boy?
02:13I'm about to talk to you about sports.
02:15You will see anything worth laughing about.
02:16Am I funny to you?
02:17Do I have a gesture's head on top of my head?
02:19Do I have a name tag that says, hi, I'm damn funny?
02:22No, I don't, boy.
02:23What are you looking at?
02:24We're looking at right now.
02:25You know who I'm talking to?
02:26I'm talking to you.
02:27I'm talking to you, Marine.
02:28Stand up.
02:28Who are you looking at, boy?
02:30Stand up.
02:30I'll tell you.
02:31You.
02:32You.
02:32Come on down here.
02:33Come on down here.
02:34Come on down here.
02:35Come on here.
02:35Look at you.
02:44What are you looking at?
02:45Can't you see me?
02:45You ought to see me with those glasses.
02:47You ought to see the movement of those glasses, boy.
02:49Look at me.
02:50Look at me.
02:50Don't look at me.
02:51Look at him.
02:53Where you from, boy?
02:54Where you from?
02:55Philadelphia.
02:55Where?
02:56Philadelphia what?
02:57Philadelphia, sir.
02:57Yes, Philadelphia.
02:58Philadelphia.
03:00The only thing that come out of Philadelphia is our steers and other forms of livestock.
03:05That's correct.
03:10You hear me, boy?
03:12Go.
03:13Let it up.
03:14Let it up.
03:15Let it up.
03:15Let it up.
03:16Let it up.
03:16Let it up.
03:17Let it up.
03:17Let it up.
03:21Carry on.
03:24I'm watching you.
03:25Don't I'll kick your ass.
03:28This just in.
03:29Beverly Hills, 90210.
03:31Cleveland Browns, 3.
03:35And now it's time to go over to weather with our happy weatherman, Happy.
03:40All righty.
03:41Well, we haven't got a lot of time, so we're going to make this quick.
03:44I'd like to say hi-dee-ho to all my friends out there in Fresno and offer my condolences
03:50for having to live there.
03:51All right.
03:52Let's check the weather.
03:52Well, we've got some sun moving in over the weekend.
03:57We should have three days of very good...
03:59Well, that looks like a...
04:05...three...
04:07...three...
04:07...three...
04:07...one...
04:08...three...
04:08...three...
04:08...three...
04:10...syrация.
04:11Jonathan Sands do not know what we're doing
04:14to.
04:15Back to you.
04:41That's all the news.
04:42Good night and good luck.
04:45Okay, now you have 30 seconds to grab as many points as you can.
04:56Go ahead and start.
04:57Grab the points.
04:57Get the points.
04:58Anyway, get the points.
04:59Get them.
04:59Get them.
05:00Get the points.
05:01Okay, time's up.
05:01Looks like Ryan has all the points.
05:12It's a bit of a secret stash.
05:14Let's go on to a game called Scene to Wrap.
05:17This is for everybody.
05:18Wayne and Chip are going to start making up a scene.
05:20Later on, Ryan and Colin are going to join them with the help of Mix Master Laura Hall and Jazzy Linda Taylor.
05:26In the house and in the house.
05:29Yeah.
05:30Hey, uh, what I need from the audience is the name of a real horror movie, a real-life horror movie.
05:38Frankenstein.
05:39Frankenstein.
05:40Oh, Exorcist, because that's the scariest one.
05:44Exorcist.
05:44Exorcist!
05:45So, Scald, Scene to Wrap.
05:50Wayne and Chip are going to start rapping about The Exorcist, and then, uh, these two hip-rapper guys are going to...
05:55Yeah.
05:58Artificial vanilla icy.
06:04We'll get jiggy.
06:05You watch.
06:05Oh, I'm watching.
06:07Can't wait to hear it.
06:07Let's go, Laura and Linda.
06:08Now, wait a second.
06:23Let me give you the scoop.
06:24My baby's flying and he's spitting a pea soup.
06:26Now, tell me, what can I do?
06:28You're the priest, so I'll come to you.
06:30Look here, I'm going to tell you what you do.
06:33What's that stuff that that baby just spewed?
06:34Oh, no, no, I think that you're dead, because your little baby got sixes on her forehead.
06:39Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, damn, boy.
06:43I'm here to say, here to tell, I have come right straight from hell.
06:48I want your soul.
06:49Gimme, gimme, why you do this to me, dear me?
06:54That's gimme.
06:55Dimmie.
06:56I'm your mama, say, dimmie.
06:57Oh, man.
06:57No, mama.
06:58Yeah, yeah, dimmie.
06:58Hey, don't you worry, because that's no other.
07:01That's my lady, that's...
07:02She's my mother.
07:03Hey, hey, it's a false reality that I think you're creating.
07:07That ain't no woman, y'all two horns, you're Satan.
07:09Uh-huh, that's right.
07:11Tell you, in the tub, he's Satan, Beelzebub.
07:13I think you're right.
07:15Hold.
07:15Hey.
07:16Hold.
07:17Hey.
07:22Back, back, devil, you must desist.
07:24I'm Richard Simmons, the exercise is.
07:26And one, two, three.
07:28And one, two, three, four.
07:31And point that baby.
07:32And point that baby.
07:33And make sure you let me point that baby.
07:35Point it up.
07:36Get it up.
07:37Get it up.
07:37Yeah.
07:37Get it up.
07:38Get it up.
07:39Get it up.
07:39Get the holy water.
07:39Get it up.
07:40Get it up.
07:40Get it up.
07:41Get the holy water.
07:42Get it up.
07:43Oh, yeah.
07:43Whoa.
07:44That possession gave me quite a scare.
07:46Hey, look at me.
07:47I'm Linda Blair.
07:48Oh, man.
07:52And here's an idea that I can't reject.
07:55This was scarier than the Blair Project.
07:57Oh, yeah.
07:58Oh, yeah.
07:58Way scarier.
07:59Hey.
08:01One more thing.
08:02I think this should happen.
08:03Stop this poor baby.
08:04Let's all talk in Latin.
08:05I wish I could end it.
08:17Every rap song I didn't like with a buzzer.
08:21It doesn't work that way, though.
08:24You just got to sit at the red light until it's time to go.
08:27Colin, extra 500 points to you.
08:29If you just.
08:35What the f*** was that?
08:40More ale, wench.
08:45Thousand points apiece.
08:46Let's go on to a game called props.
08:47This is for all four of you.
08:49Ryan and Chip.
08:50Let me get your prop.
08:52Oops.
08:53There you go.
08:54And this is your prop.
08:57Wayne and Colin.
08:59And what happens is they have to go back and forth
09:01and think of as many ideas with these props as they can.
09:03And starting with Ryan and Chip.
09:05Off you go.
09:06Happy Fourth of July!
09:08Psh!
09:08Ooh!
09:09Psh!
09:09Ah!
09:10Psh!
09:10Ooh!
09:11Eh, man!
09:12Eh, man!
09:15And that ended the Second World War.
09:17See page 139.
09:20Calm down, Bessie.
09:21Your hands are cold.
09:22Shut up.
09:23Whoa!
09:27I ain't gonna say it.
09:30Man, how long have these lifesavers be in your pocket?
09:35And if you just send in your money, we will send you a lifesavers.
09:42I thought the Coliseum was a little bigger than this.
09:47Hair in my ears?
09:48Yes, there's hair in your ears.
09:49Yes.
09:49Yes.
09:49Do you like French women?
10:01Transport.
10:05Okay, and there's your fries.
10:08Here we go.
10:09I got a chili off.
10:10Oh, we're gonna go to the commercial.
10:13more who's line is it anyway the show everything's made up the points don't matter hey if you're
10:27keeping score at home i'm gonna tell you about a special who's line offer we have we're gonna
10:30give away free tickets at walmart tomorrow morning to the big who's line is it anyway
10:34beatles reunion uh make sure you're up bright and early when walmart opens tomorrow ask them
10:39for your free beatles tickets you won't be sorry uh okay let's go on to a game called newsflash
10:46this is for ryan chip and colin ryan and chip you're two anchors in the news studio colin you're
10:50gonna be in the field covering a breaking news story uh he actually won't know what's behind
10:54him because he's in front of what we call a green screen turn around look at that and no matter how
10:57hard he looks at it all he ever sees is green uh but through the magic of tv we get to see what's
11:02behind him and he doesn't he has to try to guess what it is with hints given by uh ryan and chip
11:07so off do you write a chip in the studio i just can't go if someone's watching
11:10i can't either we interrupt this program for a special news bulletin colin can you hear us
11:16yes yes i i can barely hear you i'm i'm just trying to stay out of the way of everything
11:22that's happening over here colin you always get these dangerous assignments how do you do it
11:26i don't know i guess it's because i actually know no fear oh
11:29colin can you tell us how all this started yes i certainly can it was a cola taste test that went
11:39horribly wrong now are you familiar with these naval movements well um i can't actually get close to
11:51them uh to actually uh you know just talk so uh i'm going to try and get them later but there seems
11:59to be a lot of confusion colin on a personal note may i say you look very chic this evening well thank
12:05you you know i have a new cologne oh you're always you're always there with the bear facts and we thank
12:10you for that can you tell us anything more about this young lady
12:13well of course she's very popular in these parts i'm sorry colin i'm having problems hearing you
12:23can can you hear him i can't hear him i can't hear him i can't hear him at all you can't should i yell a
12:29little no now i can hear you perhaps if i gesticulate will that help is the situation shaky as it appears
12:37to be any idea where you are i mean uh the old arabian night scene with harems and belly
12:56dad colin 500 points if you wave your arm in the air wave like you just don't care yeah there you
13:09go 500 points for you let's play a game called greatest hits this is for all four of you with
13:14the help of lora hall linda taylor colin and ryan are going to be tv voiceover guys talking about a
13:23latest compilation album and wayne and chip are going to try to sing songs that they make up and
13:28what if the audience has something you'd look to find in the other pages doctor uh we're going to
13:33do doctor okay the songs of the doctor whenever you're ready and let's hear all about the hit
13:38compilation album songs of the doctor hi we'll return you to suddenly snoozing in just a moment but first
13:44have we got a deal for you the medical profession and music go together like french fries and bananas
13:51hey are you talking doctors yes i am thanks for the help you know we have compiled a wonderful cd
14:00collection of music about doctors the bangles the beatles the rolling stones those are just some of
14:09the bands that have been to doctors they're not on the album but still there is a connection
14:14you know in the 80s there was a new wave you could say of music new wave boy those acting lessons
14:23really helped haven't they and one of the first groups doing that new wave music of course was devo
14:30and their great medical hit hmo
14:39get a health plan fill out that form do you have insurance
14:49what you got to do in case you didn't know in the usa you need an hmo the only problem with this
14:56understand you can only see a doctor when they want you to i know you came to see see me yeah you
15:03have to pardon our bureaucracy and i think that if you cure your ills then we will write prescription
15:09for these brand new pills for these brand new pills get an hmo get an hmo hmo get an hmo
15:29good times great times i'd say great memories you know
15:34i guess you figured out by now that colin and i like to take in a lot of theater
15:43and there's nothing we like more than show tunes nothing that's
15:47sorry no no you look like you had something urgent to say we have show tunes i'm married and i think
15:53i think one of our favorites is rogers and hammerstein's hit
16:02take two and call me in the morning
16:07hey paul what is it son i've got a splitting headache the size of arkansas
16:12i know what can cure your ills my boy take just two pills and you'll be fine
16:25i'll be fine paul tell me is that what you're saying if i take these tablets they'll cure my migraine
16:37yeah well your headache's as big as the nation that's why i'm writing this prescription
16:44and i am just gonna give you these pills and you won't have a predilection to taking other ones
16:51paul you're crazy
17:01you know the year that song was written they were quite heavy into the bottle that's right
17:09and funny enough that show closed three hours before it opened
17:14you know oh man
17:18you know oh i need a doctor
17:24oh i break me up you know
17:26the 50s seem to be the time when music and doctors really seem to collide
17:35yeah as we're going to see by this great hit by chubby checker cough will i twist
17:41here we go
17:55welcome to the doctor's office here's a brand new day brand new dance i'm sure that you're gonna love
18:02oh
18:17now don't you mind while these are hold i'm sorry if my hands are a little cold
18:22a little cold, now cough, just cough while I twist, yeah, don't worry, I won't take them
18:30off, just turn your head to the left and cough, yeah, just cough, all right, I'll be right
18:51Welcome back to Who's Lying's in the airway, tonight's winner is Colin, Wayne, and Ryan, Colin, and Ryan, ladies, what we're going to do is we're going to do a game for you called Questions Only, and what's going to happen is Wayne and I are going to start, we can only ask questions in the scene, if we mess up, we have to go to the side, and somebody else takes our place, a little contest, Sue's the most clever guy, coming up with questions only, and what's our scene there?
19:19Your scene is that you are desperate soldiers trapped behind enemy lines
19:22Desperate soldiers trapped, did you see that?
19:26Sergeant, are we ever going to get out?
19:28What are you asking me for?
19:30Aren't you in charge?
19:32Would you like to go to the infirmary?
19:34Do I feel sick?
19:39I was just taking a dramatic call, oh man
19:42Jeez
19:43Jeez
19:44What's your name, son?
19:46Can't you see?
19:50Easy, slow down
19:51Slow down on the board
19:54I'm sorry, okay
19:55Are you here's a new guy?
19:58Fassus Das
19:59Is that a foreign language I hear?
20:03Can't you tell I was just testing you?
20:05What for?
20:05Wasn't that buzzer a bit premature?
20:15Don't you know I've always had that trouble?
20:19Jerky
20:20Hmm, isn't this delicious?
20:26Pardon?
20:28Did your mother make this?
20:29How do you know my mother?
20:31Who doesn't know your mother?
20:32You're right back for more Hoot Lines
20:42and everyone spunk away
20:43Welcome back to Hoot Lines and Anyway
20:48We're going to end the show tonight
20:49with Ryan and Chip through the credits course
20:51I want you to read the credits
20:52like two Square Dance callers
20:54Two Square Dance callers
20:55Thanks for watching everybody
20:56Have a good night, bye
20:57Hey about here, Drew Perry
21:00Oh, Dane Petron
21:01Hit him in the head, hit him in the knee
21:03Hit him in the eye so he can't see
21:04Arthur Tom, that's Tom Part
21:06And Danny Breen, he's after dark
21:07Come on through
21:08Oh, ho, ho, ho
21:09Everybody going down
21:10Never going to do another hoedown
21:12Stephen Bloom, he's good though
21:13Everybody, do say do
21:15Oh, ho, ho, ho
21:17Oh, Julie Ryan, such a ringer
21:20Great than that three-headed singer
21:21Bow to your Christelle bow
21:22Bow to your Christelle bow
21:24Kind of scary
21:25Hey, look, there's Drew Perry
21:26Kind of a hoedown, isn't it?
21:29Thank you
21:31Thank you
21:32Thank you
21:33Thank you
21:34Thank you