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We're moms. We're tired. We need a glass of wine. (oh and you can win prizes!)

Transcript

00:00 (phone ringing)

00:02 (children yelling)

00:04 (upbeat music)

00:08 - Hi, welcome to MomCave Live

00:17 where we may have lost our minds,

00:19 but we haven't lost our sense of humor.

00:21 And I have a guest today that's going to blow your mind

00:24 'cause she's hilarious and we have so much to talk about.

00:27 And I'm gonna put her on, ta-da!

00:29 Hello everyone.

00:31 Hello Jen, thanks for having me on.

00:34 - I'm psyched to have you on.

00:35 If you guys don't know Betsy, she's a funny lady.

00:38 She's on all kinds of TV and cool things

00:42 and she's a UCB improv teacher person.

00:45 And she is on "Why Mommy Drinks."

00:48 It's her very funny podcast that's on hiatus.

00:51 And you know, she's got a bunch of kids.

00:52 So we have so much to talk about.

00:54 - Just a whole bunch.

00:55 - Just a whole bunch.

00:58 But I think the very first thing to talk about

01:01 is the fact that this is the first time

01:03 that we've spoken to each other

01:05 in like 13 or more years, right?

01:09 - I think so.

01:10 It's been a very long time

01:12 since I've been able to speak with you face to face.

01:14 - I know, I know.

01:16 So I think that the story,

01:18 I don't know what your side of the story will be,

01:19 but I'll tell my side of the story

01:20 'cause I think it was pretty funny.

01:22 So Betsy is a teacher of improv at UCB.

01:27 I am, so we're in New York.

01:29 I'm an actor.

01:30 I took improv because it was the one kind of acting

01:34 that I was terrified of.

01:36 And I was like, I'm gonna make myself do this.

01:38 And so, yeah, that's what improv is, right?

01:41 But anyone who's not familiar with the whole improv scene,

01:47 it's dominated by boys.

01:50 I'm gonna say boys, not even men.

01:52 Young men, like in their 20s and 30s.

01:55 And they're really cool.

01:56 They know all the, you know,

01:58 they know all the what's trending

02:00 and all the things that we don't know anymore, right?

02:04 - Right.

02:05 - So I was pretty pregnant at the time

02:08 and I walk in the room and I see my instructor

02:12 and it's Betsy and she's just as pregnant as me.

02:16 - I forgot about that.

02:19 I remember you being pregnant,

02:20 but I forgot the detail that I was also pregnant.

02:23 - Yes, and I was like, oh my God,

02:26 these poor guys, they're gonna be,

02:28 but it made me feel better.

02:29 Like, at least I'm not the only old female

02:33 pregnant person in the room.

02:35 Not that you're old,

02:36 but we were older than them, for sure.

02:39 - But yeah, they were all like 23

02:41 and we were adult women who were having babies.

02:45 (laughing)

02:47 Yeah.

02:48 - Yeah, so that was good.

02:50 So you made that easier.

02:52 And one other quick story.

02:53 I remember that it was really, really hot one day

02:57 when we had class, like over a hundred degrees hot.

03:00 And Betsy sent out a message, like telling people

03:03 they didn't have to come to class.

03:05 It was so hot.

03:06 I don't even know if there was air conditioning.

03:09 And I fricking came to class and I was like,

03:11 if the pregnant woman can come

03:13 and the other pregnant woman can teach,

03:16 you 20 year olds, you're like snowflaking out here.

03:22 So we both showed up on a hot day.

03:24 - Right, we did.

03:26 We did, we were both there.

03:28 - How's it going over there in the land of teenager?

03:30 'Cause it's...

03:32 - It's rough.

03:36 - It's rough.

03:37 - It's rough.

03:38 So both of our--

03:38 - It's better in a lot of ways, right?

03:40 - Yeah, I mean, there are people that you can talk to

03:45 and enjoy certain things with and watch movies

03:48 that would have been inappropriate or probably still are.

03:51 - Yeah.

03:52 - But then again, they're also people

03:54 and they have opinions.

03:57 - Yes, yes, they do.

03:58 They have a lot of sassy, strong opinions.

04:01 - How do you deal with it?

04:06 What's your, are you improv mom?

04:08 Are you funny?

04:09 Are you like blowing it all up and being funny?

04:11 Or are you strict mom?

04:13 - A little bit of, call them A and B.

04:18 I was raised without a lot of boundaries.

04:22 And so it wasn't strict in a lot of ways

04:26 and everything was kind of loosey goosey.

04:28 And so my response to that is like,

04:32 I've got to have boundaries and rules

04:34 and I've got to make sure that my children

04:37 can count on what's what.

04:39 But then I'm also married to another improviser

04:44 and he was raised by perfectly lovely people

04:49 with boundaries, good boundaries.

04:51 He is much more like loosey goosey about everything.

04:54 So I do tend to be the bad cop

04:56 and he tends to be the good cop.

04:58 But I also think that tends to be the case

05:02 in a lot of heterosexual parent-child relationships.

05:07 - Yeah, I think mom does tend to be the bad cop

05:11 a lot of the time.

05:13 More often than not.

05:14 - Right, because, well, my thought is like,

05:17 I'm the one that has to get a lot of shit done around here.

05:19 And if no one's behaving,

05:20 mom is like the CEO of the family a lot of the time.

05:25 - Yeah, well, and also it's like,

05:29 are we allowed to swear on here?

05:30 - Oh, swear away.

05:32 - Okay.

05:33 I think moms know, if we fuck up,

05:36 no one is gonna be, I mean, some people may be,

05:38 but most people are gonna be like,

05:40 what did their mother do?

05:42 Right?

05:43 - Right, it's all about the mother.

05:45 - It's all about the mother and her failing.

05:47 And so I'm also like, oh gosh,

05:50 especially when they're 13, it's like,

05:52 oh my gosh, we're running out of time.

05:54 I got five more years to train you into being a person

05:58 and then you're gonna be out there

05:59 doing all kinds of wild stuff.

06:01 And if it's bad, they're gonna blame me.

06:04 - Totally.

06:05 - I've got to deal with good things.

06:08 - Yeah, I keep, when he is being not good,

06:12 I think to myself, he wouldn't be doing this

06:14 if I had done better up to this point.

06:16 I obviously did not train the child well enough.

06:19 - Yes, if I had been perfect, you would be perfect.

06:22 - Right, not gonna happen.

06:23 We're not.

06:24 - It's not, what a weird lie that we tell ourselves.

06:27 - No, not at all.

06:29 So you moved out to the sunny California years ago, yeah.

06:34 - Yes, we were in Brooklyn there for

06:37 about three years of kids.

06:41 And then we came out to California

06:44 to mostly just pan for gold

06:47 and stake our claim on territory.

06:52 None of that's true.

06:54 But we did come out here to pursue our entertainment dreams.

06:58 - Metaphorically, you were panning for gold.

07:00 - Yeah, metaphorically we were panning for gold

07:03 and hoping to stake our claim

07:05 in that maybe one day we'll own a home.

07:09 But yeah, the nice thing was that my husband

07:12 was working for a company that at the time

07:14 was just coming out here.

07:15 And then of course the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater

07:18 where we both work also is out here.

07:20 And a lot of our friends had already moved out here.

07:22 And you know that having kids in New York City

07:25 is really hard.

07:26 It's not a city that even tolerates kids so much.

07:31 - They're like a real father, really.

07:34 - Yeah, they're a real, yeah.

07:36 It's an adult, it's a city for adults.

07:39 Yeah, so coming out to California,

07:41 it was like, you can drive places,

07:43 you don't have to carry all your groceries home.

07:46 You don't have to worry about your child

07:48 running into the subway mouth on the tracks.

07:53 - Right, running out into the street.

07:56 Yeah, but I didn't know, I've never lived in LA.

08:00 I've been there.

08:00 It is more child-friendly.

08:03 - It is more child-friendly.

08:04 It definitely is.

08:06 Yeah, 'cause you can, if any,

08:08 at the very least you can drive places

08:10 and people don't have to encounter your children,

08:13 if anything.

08:14 - Right, and in a closed vehicle.

08:17 - And at the very least, if you need to change your baby

08:20 and there isn't a changing station,

08:22 you change them in your car.

08:24 - I know.

08:24 I pulled over on the side of the road one day

08:27 to change my kid.

08:28 And I pulled in front of someone's house,

08:30 not on the property, not in the driveway.

08:33 The man came out yelling at me.

08:36 And I've never forgotten that man.

08:39 - Isn't that funny how we remember?

08:42 - Yeah, just random things.

08:43 - My husband and I went to the Westminster Dog Show

08:48 one year.

08:49 - Oh, cool.

08:50 - And it was on Valentine's Day.

08:54 And when you come early, you can kind of be there all day

08:58 watching all kinds of dog events.

08:59 And you can kind of sit wherever.

09:02 But then there are some seats where

09:04 if the ticket holder shows up,

09:06 then they can just say, "Hey, these are our seats."

09:08 And you go, find a different seat.

09:11 And I'll never forget this older man

09:13 was so mean to us for sitting in his seats.

09:17 It's like 15 years later and I'm still like,

09:20 that fucking old man.

09:21 - That man, you'll remember him forever.

09:23 - I will.

09:24 - I know.

09:25 There's something about that.

09:27 Someone's watching us from New Zealand.

09:29 Hi, Tina from New Zealand.

09:31 - Hello, Kiwi friend.

09:33 - Wow.

09:34 Okay, cool.

09:36 I was also thinking about the fact that

09:40 since both of our oldest children are about the same age,

09:45 both of our youngest children are about the same age,

09:48 but I only have two and you have three.

09:51 - Yes.

09:52 - So, how did you get...

09:55 You can see I didn't even...

09:59 How did you get this pickle?

10:00 No, how did you know you were ready to have another?

10:02 Because that's why my kids are so far apart

10:05 because I can't even think about having another kid

10:07 till they're like really old

10:09 'cause I can't deal with a lot of little kids.

10:12 - Well, I...

10:14 So, I have a lot of siblings.

10:17 So, my parents had me and then when they divorced,

10:22 my dad remarried and had three children with my stepmom

10:26 and my mom adopted three more children.

10:29 So, I'm used to being one of four in any given situation

10:34 and I am one of seven.

10:37 So, I knew that I wanted to have a few kids.

10:42 I was pretty sure I wanted to have at least three

10:46 'cause that felt like normal to me.

10:49 And two of my brothers are 18 months apart

10:54 and they have always had a beautiful relationship,

10:57 just like best friends, just peas and carrots, those two.

11:01 And they really compliment each other well in so many ways.

11:05 And I was like, wow, as someone who was at least,

11:09 at least eight years older than my next sibling,

11:12 I really wanted my kids to have what I didn't have,

11:17 which in addition to just having the same parents

11:22 and living in the same house,

11:25 was just like, yeah, like being able to play

11:27 with each other.

11:28 'Cause I was always like a little adult

11:31 and I didn't have anyone to play with.

11:32 So, I wanted that for them.

11:36 And so, I ended up having my first two 20 months apart,

11:41 which in a lot of ways was really great

11:44 because they are the bestest of frenemies.

11:48 - Yeah.

11:49 - But I think, especially when they're older,

11:54 I think that's gonna be really valuable.

11:56 - Yeah, I think so.

11:58 - But it was like hell on earth there.

12:01 I mean, it was really hard.

12:03 - Yeah. - It was really hard.

12:04 - I mean, I find it very hard with one, so yeah,

12:08 two, that little.

12:09 I don't know, some people don't let the chaos bother them.

12:15 And I've tried to be that person,

12:16 but I'm never gonna be that person.

12:18 - Me neither.

12:20 - No, I'm a Virgo, I'm a firstborn.

12:24 Yeah, I'm a perfectionist.

12:25 Yeah, I mean, so much of parenting is though,

12:31 letting go of control and capitulating to that chaos.

12:37 Improviser, I am, in a lot of ways,

12:42 I am very comfortable in chaos

12:45 and sort of trying to find my little corner of control

12:49 in the chaos.

12:50 But a scene is one thing, your life is a whole other thing.

12:57 I used to feel a lot more in control

13:00 until the pandemic and lockdown started.

13:04 And then I was like, everything's terrible.

13:08 - Yeah, I was like, do whatever you need to do

13:10 to not feel like you're driving me crazy.

13:14 - Drink vodka all day and you can be on screens 24/7.

13:19 - That's what happens, yeah.

13:20 - Yeah.

13:21 - That happens to everybody though.

13:24 And I think we lost some ground

13:26 that we won't get back because of that.

13:29 - 100%, 100%.

13:32 - So it's just-

13:33 - Yeah, screen restrictions, it is 2023

13:37 and we are still nowhere near

13:39 where we were before the pandemic.

13:42 - Oh, us neither.

13:43 And my kids go to a Waldorf school

13:46 that technically has a no media policy.

13:49 And I'm saying this on the internet.

13:50 So please people from that school don't kick us out.

13:54 But yeah, they're not supposed to have media

13:56 up until a certain grade.

13:57 And then after that, only on the weekends.

14:00 And I don't fully violate it 'cause I have some rules.

14:05 But my kids have no media.

14:08 You're shocked.

14:09 - I'm sorry, go back.

14:11 The school that you pay money to send your children to.

14:18 - Told you, a lot of money.

14:20 Told you, you're not allowed to show your kids media

14:25 until a certain age and even then only on the weekends.

14:29 - They do say that.

14:30 I get the concept and all in theory sounds lovely

14:35 and would work.

14:36 - Oh yeah.

14:37 - Everyone could do it.

14:38 It would be great.

14:39 And our kids would grow up and be like

14:40 little house on the prairie.

14:42 - Yes.

14:44 - It doesn't work that way in real world all the time.

14:49 I work from home.

14:49 - No.

14:50 - No.

14:51 - Yeah, but you sound like my son

14:56 'cause of course he hates that policy.

14:58 And he's like, wait, we pay the school.

15:01 They can't tell us what we can do when we're at home.

15:04 You're paying them.

15:05 I'm like, dude, you don't know how big

15:07 of a scholarship you're on.

15:09 - Your kids going up to cops.

15:13 I pay your salary.

15:15 - Right, exactly.

15:15 - They can't arrest me.

15:16 - They can't give us a ticket.

15:19 We pay for them.

15:20 - Exactly.

15:21 - That is 13 year old reasoning if I ever heard it.

15:24 - Oh yeah.

15:25 Oh yeah.

15:27 - Yeah.

15:27 - Yeah, screens are a whole, yeah.

15:31 It's a sensitive subject in the house.

15:35 - It is.

15:36 We're like twitching when we think about it.

15:37 Well, this next thing I'm gonna ask you

15:40 could be a much larger, more serious conversation

15:43 but I don't wanna have a serious conversation.

15:45 I don't know about you.

15:46 But I loved when your podcast first came out

15:50 and the name of the podcast is "Why Mommy Drinks."

15:53 I thought that was a great title.

15:54 I love it.

15:55 Now, of course I do drink.

15:57 And this was a little before the whole,

16:00 like it really, the sober mom movement really kicked in

16:04 when you started.

16:06 But now I feel like there's a backlash

16:09 against moms drinking at all almost

16:13 or just talking about it online

16:15 like as if it's a glamorization or promoting.

16:17 I don't know.

16:18 I was wondering, did you have a backlash?

16:20 How do you deal with that?

16:21 What are your thoughts?

16:23 - Great question.

16:25 Yeah, when we started "Why Mommy Drinks"

16:28 felt right for a few reasons.

16:30 One, it was taking advantage of wine mom culture

16:35 which was just, we were right in the middle of it.

16:40 And it truly-

16:43 - They are why we drink.

16:45 - And they are why I was drinking quite a bit.

16:48 But yeah, as time went on and mom culture

16:56 had like a big backlash, you know,

17:02 that's fair like from moms themselves for the most part

17:06 but also from outside of that.

17:08 Yeah, people were like, "Ew, I don't like the..."

17:10 Yeah, like the title was definitely a turnoff

17:12 for some people.

17:13 And if we were to rename it,

17:14 we'd probably rename it something else, but.

17:16 - Why Mommy Smokes Sweet.

17:20 No, I'm just kidding.

17:20 - Why Mommy's on Death.

17:22 (laughing)

17:23 - Right, that's a whole other story.

17:25 - But I don't know.

17:29 I felt like the title was to the point.

17:32 It was just like, "Oh, look, I'm broken.

17:34 I need a drink."

17:36 And this is why.

17:37 And in every episode, we're gonna tell you

17:39 why we're kind of broken this week.

17:42 But also like, yeah, fucking a lot of moms do drink

17:49 and right or wrong, a lot of them use that to cope

17:52 and, "Hey man, get off our jocks."

17:55 (laughing)

17:56 Just trying to do their fucking best.

17:58 - Right, right.

17:59 I mean, we're sensitive to people who are struggling.

18:02 - Over.

18:03 - But we're, yeah, we're not saying everyone should.

18:06 - No.

18:07 - We're just saying we need a drink.

18:09 - Yeah, it's not called why mommy ought to drink

18:12 all the time.

18:13 And if you don't, you're out of the club.

18:16 Yeah.

18:17 - Yeah, yeah.

18:17 Okay, I felt like that was something we have to talk about.

18:20 It's very--

18:21 - Thank you.

18:22 I think that was a great question.

18:24 - You're very welcome.

18:25 Well, Betsy, I could talk to you all night,

18:27 but I'm sure nobody wants to watch us hang out all night.

18:29 But this was super fun.

18:32 And you guys should check out Betsy on all the places.

18:34 She's Betsy-Stover on Instagram, I believe.

18:38 - Betsy.Stover.

18:39 - Dot, dot.

18:40 Betsy.Stover.

18:42 - Betsy-Stover on Venmo though,

18:44 if you just want to send her some money.

18:46 - If you want to send her some money.

18:48 Yeah, Venmo her.

18:50 That's great.

18:52 Thank you for talking with me.

18:53 This has been super fun.

18:55 - It is such a thrill to get to see you.

18:57 I could talk to you all night.

18:58 - I know, same.

18:59 Well, we'll have to think of something fun to do together.

19:02 So yeah.

19:03 Okay, everybody go check her out.

19:05 - All right.

19:06 Good night, everyone.

19:07 Thank you.

19:08 - Bye.

19:09 - Bye.

19:09 [BLANK_AUDIO]

Why Mommy Drinks | Betsy Stover | MomCave LIVE

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