TV-G | 30min | Comedy, Drama, Family, Music, TV Series | Episode aired 27 November 1963
At an audition for a school play, Patty inadvertently steals the part of Cleopatra from Cathy, who becomes her understudy. Meanwhile, Patty arranges for a Hollywood talent scout to view the play, but her plans are jeopardized when she develops laryngitis. Cathy dutifully fills in for Patty, but Patty has other ideas after she makes a last-minute recovery.
Director: Stanley Prager
Writers: Sidney Sheldon, William Asher
Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron
At an audition for a school play, Patty inadvertently steals the part of Cleopatra from Cathy, who becomes her understudy. Meanwhile, Patty arranges for a Hollywood talent scout to view the play, but her plans are jeopardized when she develops laryngitis. Cathy dutifully fills in for Patty, but Patty has other ideas after she makes a last-minute recovery.
Director: Stanley Prager
Writers: Sidney Sheldon, William Asher
Stars: Patty Duke, William Schallert, Jean Byron
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Why don't you try out for the play, Patty?
00:07What for?
00:08I'm gonna be a brain surgeon.
00:09Yeah, it might be a blast.
00:11I'm not interested in the Starsville bit.
00:13I think actors are real cold cuts.
00:15I promised Strassman I'd try out for it.
00:17Who's he?
00:18He's the guest director this year.
00:20He's very big off Broadway.
00:22I'll be at lunch.
00:23Well, come in and wait while I audition, and I'll buy you lunch.
00:26You reached me.
00:28I seek no colour for your going,
00:30but bid farewell and go.
00:32When you sued staying, then was the time for words.
00:35No going, then.
00:36Eternity was in our lips and eyes.
00:38No, no, no, no, no.
00:39You're not ordering a banana split.
00:41You are Cleopatra, the greatest queen on earth,
00:44bidding farewell to her lover.
00:46Shall I try it again, Mr. Strassman?
00:48Over Shakespeare's dead body.
00:50Next!
00:51Who's your cousin?
00:53These are the words of the immortal bard.
00:56He has survived for hundreds of years.
00:58Please, please do not plunge him into oblivion this afternoon.
01:02I'll try not to, Mr. Strassman.
01:04I will appreciate it.
01:06England will appreciate it.
01:09Cathy didn't tell me she was going this route.
01:11Maybe she was planning to spring it as a surprise.
01:15Cathy's interdirected.
01:16She's just square enough to think this is some kind of big deal.
01:19Hopes Vengali doesn't wipe her out.
01:22Nay, pray you seek no colour for your going,
01:25but bid farewell and go.
01:27When you soothed staying, then was the time for words.
01:30No going then.
01:31Eternity was in our lips and eyes.
01:36How was I?
01:38I was moved, but not far.
01:40Can you wait in the wings, please?
01:43Next!
01:47When you soothed staying, then was the time for words.
01:51No going then.
01:52Wrong.
01:53Go.
01:54Next!
01:55You!
01:56Come on, quickly, quickly!
01:59No, no.
02:00I'm with him.
02:01I didn't come to...
02:02Hurry, I haven't got all day.
02:08I'm no actress.
02:09Then you're an excellent company.
02:10Let me see if you can read your mother tongue.
02:19Nay, pray you seek no colour for your going,
02:22but bid farewell and go.
02:24When you soothed staying, then was the time for words.
02:27No going then.
02:28Eternity was in our lips and eyes,
02:30bliss in our brows bent,
02:32none our part so poor,
02:34but was a race of heaven.
02:36They are so still, or thou,
02:39the greatest soldier of the world,
02:41art turned the greatest liar.
02:44That's what I want.
02:45That's it.
02:46You are Cleopatra.
02:48Me?
02:49You're raw, but you have fire.
02:51I've never heard a reading just like that.
02:54You have a spark that burns with honesty
02:56and glows with passion.
02:57You are an instrument that I can play upon,
03:00a clay that I can model.
03:02I never acted before.
03:04Oh, good.
03:05When I was in Hollywood, I directed dozens of...
03:08You directed in Hollywood?
03:10Well, I was an assistant director, actually,
03:12but it's the same thing.
03:13I worked with all the great stars.
03:15Garbo, Barrymore,
03:18Rintintin.
03:21What about me?
03:22Yeah, what about her?
03:23She's the talent in the family.
03:25Yes, I'm the talent in the family.
03:27You are sisters?
03:29Cousins.
03:30Well, you can play Iris and understudy Cleopatra.
03:35Understudy?
03:36Why don't you let me play Iris and Cathy play Cleopatra?
03:39You have captured the essence
03:40of one of the most complex characters in the theater
03:43and the thought behind it.
03:45You are instinctively a method actor.
03:47I can almost see your mind working.
03:50Tell me, what was in your mind when you said,
03:53no going then, eternity was in our lips?
03:57Lunch.
04:03Meet Cathy, who's lived most everywhere,
04:06from Zanzibar to Barclays Square.
04:09But Cathy's only seen the sights a girl can see.
04:12Her eyes are a crazy pair.
04:15But they're cousins.
04:18But they're cousins all the way.
04:22They're a matching pair.
04:25Different as night and day.
04:28But Cathy's adored some men you went to.
04:32The Ballet Russe.
04:33And now you're Susanna.
04:35Oh, Cathy loves her.
04:36Oh, Cathy loves her.
04:38Oh, Cathy loves her.
04:40And now you're Susanna.
04:42Oh, Cathy loves her.
04:44Oh, Cathy loves her.
04:46Oh, Cathy loves her.
04:48Oh, Cathy loves her.
04:50Oh, Cathy loves her.
04:52Oh, Cathy loves her.
04:54Oh, Cathy loves her.
04:56Oh, Cathy loves her.
04:58Oh, Cathy loves her.
05:02You should have heard him.
05:03He carried on like it was Innesville.
05:05It was flip time.
05:06I think it's very exciting that you have the lead, Patty.
05:09I didn't mean to take it away from you, Cathy.
05:11I guess I just swept him away.
05:14Well, at least you're playing Iris.
05:16Yes.
05:17There's no such thing as a small part.
05:19Only small actresses.
05:21Talent is what counts.
05:23Boy, this family's rotten with talent.
05:25And I mean rotten.
05:27Richard's gonna play Antony.
05:28That should deal history a mortal blow.
05:31This isn't just another play.
05:34It's Shakespeare.
05:36The greatest genius who ever lived.
05:39Very few people can do justice to the immortal bard.
05:43May I quote you?
05:44Martin.
05:45That's all right, Mother.
05:47Let him make fun of me.
05:49All great people have had to struggle against disbelievers.
05:52You see, I've been holding her back.
05:54She could have been Helen Hayes.
05:56It just so happens that Mr. Strassman thinks I can be a big movie star.
06:00He says I'm a natural.
06:02Who's Mr. Strassman?
06:03He's the guest director.
06:04He used to be an assistant director in Hollywood.
06:07An assistant director?
06:09If you'll excuse me, I must rehearse now.
06:13In praising Antony, I have dispraised Caesar.
06:18I am paid for it now.
06:21Lead me from hence.
06:24In praising Caesar, I have dispraised Antony.
06:29Wow.
06:30Are we gonna have to live with that?
06:32We must be patient, Ross.
06:33Patti belongs to the ages now.
06:35She might just surprise you, Martin Lane.
06:37Just think, when I woke up this morning, that little girl was just my daughter, Patti.
06:41Now she's queen of the Nile.
06:44Quite a day.
06:46You know, I can't make up my mind.
06:48About what?
06:49What shape swimming pool we should have in Hollywood.
06:58Alack!
06:59Our dream moon is now eclipsed.
07:02And it...
07:03And it...
07:04Potends.
07:05Potends alone the fall of Antony.
07:09I must stay his time.
07:11To flatter Caesar?
07:13Would you mingle eyes with one who ties his point?
07:17Not know me yet.
07:19Antony, you follow her.
07:22And remember, bathe the stage in colors.
07:24I want to see the reds of passion, the blacks of hatred, and the magentas of jealousy.
07:30I feel like a rainbow.
07:32Now go on, suffer.
07:35Together, with my brave Egyptians all, by the discanding of this pelleted storm,
07:40lie graveless, until the flies and gnats of the Nile shall bury them for prey.
07:46Bravo.
07:47Well, let our mamas rest a while.
07:50Did I suffer enough?
07:52I was moved.
07:53She sure is great, isn't she?
07:55I bet she'd really have a chance in Hollywood.
07:57Don't you think so, Mr. Strassman?
07:59Hollywood is a city without a gate.
08:01It has no entrance.
08:02And the walls are so thick that the cries of talented people screaming to get in
08:07are unheard by the Philistines inside.
08:10What does that mean?
08:11It means that motion picture studios don't cover high school plays.
08:15If you could get them to this one, I bet she'd melt their neons.
08:23Like high.
08:24I'll bet Eleonora Giusa never said like high.
08:27Of course not. She was prehistoric.
08:31Well, you all set for the big opening, Friday?
08:33It's a slide.
08:35You sound pretty cool about it. Don't you have any stage fright?
08:38Great actors don't get stage fright.
08:41Seems to me I read somewhere they did.
08:43We don't.
08:45Well, it's nice to get it from the horse's mouth.
08:48Daddo, working on a newspaper must be a real blast.
08:54Well, we're not as glamorous as you show people, but it's a living.
08:57It's more than a living. It's life.
09:00I mean, when you sit behind your desk,
09:03you hold the pulse of the world's heartbeat in your hand.
09:06I do.
09:08I didn't know you were interested in the world's heartbeat.
09:11To develop as an actress, you must develop as a human being.
09:14Be interested in all the songs of life.
09:16Is that Shakespeare speaking or you?
09:18It's me.
09:20The real me.
09:23What is the real you trying to say?
09:26Simply that I'd love to come down and see the newspaper sometime.
09:29You've been to the office.
09:31No, I meant the whole paper.
09:34You know, the printing press and everything.
09:39I may owe your Mr. Strassman a big fat apology.
09:42When would you like to go?
09:43Now.
09:47Hi there.
09:48Where in the world have you been?
09:50Down at the Chronicle.
09:51Ever seen a Linotype machine?
09:54It's a review of you in Cleopatra.
09:57But it hasn't opened yet.
09:59Listen to this.
10:00But Jack, I have never seen a young actress
10:03with a fire and vibrant personality of Patti Lane.
10:06The enclosed review will give you some idea.
10:09I recommend that the studio sign her before someone else grabs her.
10:12You can see her Friday night bringing her magic fire
10:15to Cleopatra at the Brooklyn Heights High School.
10:17It's signed Lou. How do you like it?
10:19Wait. Who wrote it?
10:21I did.
10:23Then who's Jack and who's Lou?
10:25Jack is Jack Warner.
10:26It doesn't matter who Lou is.
10:28But won't Jack Warner know who Lou is?
10:31I'm not sending this letter to Jack Warner.
10:33I'm sending it to Dory Shari with a copy of the review I wrote about me.
10:37Doesn't Dory Shari have his own picture company?
10:40Sure.
10:41You're writing a letter about you to Jack Warner
10:45and you're mailing it to Dory Shari.
10:47Why?
10:48I don't get it.
10:49I'm afraid I don't either, Patti.
10:51Simple.
10:52Hollywood's a city without a gate.
10:55You can't just walk in on the Philistines.
10:57You have to use some imagination.
11:00Ever read about the fall of Troy?
11:02They used a wooden horse.
11:04Now I get it.
11:06She's going to use a wooden actress.
11:13I don't understand this, Mr. Shari.
11:15The envelope was addressed to you
11:17but the letter was addressed to Jack Warner.
11:19It must have been sent here by mistake.
11:22Whoever they're talking about certainly seems to be talented.
11:26She's a talented con artist.
11:29This is the oldest trick in the world.
11:31Look, she even had phony reviews printed.
11:33Oh.
11:34Shall I throw it away?
11:36No, I like your initiative.
11:37Have someone cover the show for us.
11:40Yet have I fierce affections and think what Venus did with Mars.
11:45Oh, Charmian, where thinkest thou he is now?
11:49Stands he or sits he?
11:52Or does he walk?
11:54Or is he on his horse?
11:56Oh, happy horse.
11:58Yes.
11:59I have to make a move down stage here.
12:01This is where Mr. Strassman wants some greens.
12:03He'll have to see a florist.
12:05Honestly, Kathy, I don't dig all that way out stage.
12:08I just let go and do what comes naturally.
12:11Whatever it is, it's very effective.
12:13Better work Friday night.
12:16Oh, happy horse to bear the weight of Antony.
12:19Do bravely, horse.
12:21Cleo, your mom says to turn your soups on.
12:23I simply cannot work with these constant interruptions.
12:26I must be let alone.
12:27Do you want me to tell Mom and Dad to move out of the house?
12:30Nobody appreciates what a terrible strain we artists go through.
12:39Let's eat.
12:41Child.
12:43All right, let's start from the beginning of scene three.
12:45All right.
12:46See that eight seats, second row, center are put aside for opening night.
12:49But I'm afraid the whole second row's been taken by the faculty, sir.
12:52Well, get them back.
12:53All the picture studios are asking for tickets.
12:55I can't understand it.
12:56They say that even Dory Sherry himself might be coming.
13:00Maybe he's heard of my work.
13:02Mr. Strassman.
13:06Hey, where are the girls?
13:07Patty's in the kitchen rehearsing.
13:08Kathy's cuing her.
13:10They gave me a preview.
13:11Patty's surprisingly good.
13:13Boy, that's a mother's love.
13:15She has a natural acting talent.
13:18Oh, she gets that from my side of the family, my Uncle Ben.
13:21He was a used car salesman.
13:23I don't know about your Uncle Ben, but Uncle Dory Sherry's interested in her.
13:27He's ordered four tickets for tomorrow's opening.
13:30The Dory Sherry?
13:31That's right.
13:32Somebody wrote to him about Patty.
13:34I wonder who that could have been.
13:35Martin, what if Patty decides she really wants to be an actress?
13:41Well, send her to a good psychiatrist.
13:44Patty, would you like some hot chocolate?
13:46No, thank you, Mama.
13:47I have to watch my figure.
13:49Cleopatra didn't.
13:50How do you know?
13:51She was before your time.
13:52I've seen pictures.
13:54I just came in to say goodnight to all you dear, sweet people.
13:59Well, goodnight to dear, sweet you.
14:01I want to let you know that no matter what happens after tomorrow night,
14:06I'll never forget any of you.
14:09That's a very comforting thought.
14:12And we will never forget you.
14:15Are you planning on running away?
14:17No.
14:19After tomorrow night,
14:21you may all be in for a big surprise.
14:24But no matter where I go,
14:27I'll take you with me.
14:30Goodnight.
14:32I bid you fond goodnight.
14:34Dream sweet,
14:36until tomorrow brings the morning light.
14:44I wonder if they could build us a ham-shaped swimming pool.
14:47In certain circles, that's called a prima donna bid.
14:51You know something, Natalie?
14:53I really admire her.
14:55I mean, she didn't go after that part.
14:57They came to her.
14:58But she's really worked at it.
14:59She rehearses night and day.
15:01And I think it's begun to broaden her interests.
15:03When we went down to the newspaper,
15:05she spent the whole afternoon in the composing room.
15:07Yeah.
15:08Goodnight, folks.
15:12Patty's going to be good tomorrow night.
15:14Good?
15:15She's going to be a smash.
15:20Kathy, will you pass me the serve, please?
15:24Good morning, group.
15:25Good morning, dear.
15:26Good morning.
15:27Hey, where's Patty?
15:28She's getting dressed.
15:29She overslept.
15:31Now, there I was, so nervous that I couldn't close my eyes all night,
15:34and Patty overslept.
15:36Well, you really have to hand it to her.
15:37Most kids would be in a state of panic
15:39if they knew Dory Sherry was going to be out front watching tonight.
15:43There's our little star.
15:44Good morning, darling.
15:45Good morning, Patty.
15:47Hi, sis.
15:48Hi.
15:52Eric?
15:58How is Patty?
15:59She still can't talk,
16:01but there's nothing wrong with her.
16:02It's psychosomatic,
16:03the influence of the mind or the body.
16:05Patty is terrified of opening tonight.
16:07But it's just a school play.
16:09Well, apparently, she has a feeling that a great deal hinges on it.
16:12She has a fear of failing,
16:14and the easiest way for her not to fail
16:16is not to put herself to the test,
16:18so her larynx simply refuses to function.
16:20Why don't we try putting her in front of a telephone?
16:23Look, Martin,
16:24there must be something you can do.
16:26There's nothing to worry about, Mrs. Lane.
16:28This condition will go away the moment her fear goes away.
16:32That would be too late.
16:33The show opens tonight.
16:41I'm so sorry.
16:43Why don't you go back to bed?
16:46Do you want to go to school?
16:49You want to go to school and tell them that
16:52you're not going to be in the play?
16:54What are you going to say to them?
16:57Moron!
17:01All right, once again, please.
17:03Well, there you are. I was getting worried.
17:05We can't have anything happen to our leading lady on opening night.
17:08Now, I'd like to run through the death scene once more.
17:11Get the ass.
17:13Do we really have to?
17:15What are you whispering for?
17:16We can release four seats, Mr. Strassman.
17:18I just got the message that the group from Warner Brothers isn't coming.
17:21I'm ready to rehearse the death scene, Mr. Strassman.
17:24But Dory Sherry will be here, sir.
17:34I feel disloyal taking your place, Patty.
17:36You should be on that stage tonight.
17:38Well, that's show business.
17:40There'll be other shows, dear.
17:42Sure, there will.
17:43Gee, I'm sorry about this, kitten.
17:45Are you sure you're going to be all right here alone?
17:47Dr. Lewis wants you to go to bed.
17:50Dr. Lewis wants you to stay in bed and gargle every hour.
17:53We'll be back just as soon as the show's over.
17:56Don't worry, Patty.
17:57You just relax.
17:59Know that I'll be right there doing the best I know how.
18:02I won't be as good as you, of course.
18:04But the audience won't be disappointed.
18:07I mean, Cleopatra will be on that stage tonight.
18:11I want to wish you all the luck in the...
18:15world?
18:17I'm getting my voice back.
18:19I can play the part.
18:21You'll see Dory Sherry.
18:27Shall we get the show on the road?
18:48Well, Kathy, I just dropped in to tell you not to be nervous.
18:51I'm not.
18:52Oh.
18:53Well, you'll be fine.
18:55But just remember, speak up.
18:57Ringing tones.
18:59Not now to hear thee sing.
19:01Not now to hear thee sing.
19:04Well, that's the general idea.
19:05Better remember the colors.
19:07I'll try.
19:08All right, break a leg.
19:12Break a leg.
19:13Break.
19:17Not now to hear thee sing.
19:21Not now to hear thee sing.
19:25Not now to hear thee sing.
19:31Oh.
19:32Hello?
19:34Oh, hello, Mr. Castle.
19:37No, they're not here.
19:39They went to the theater.
19:41It's our annual school play.
19:44I was supposed to star in the production of Antony and...
19:49Cleopatra.
19:51Can you hear me?
19:54You can?
19:56Bye.
19:58Not now to hear thee sing.
20:01Hey.
20:05Quiet, everybody.
20:06Curtain's going up.
20:12Nay, but the sturdage of our generals o'erflows the measure.
20:16Those his goodly eyes...
20:18It's a shame Patty had to miss this.
20:21But Kathy's very good, isn't she?
20:24She's a real actress.
20:25Her father will be delighted.
20:27Patty will kill herself.
20:39You're doing fine, Kathy.
20:40Do you really think so?
20:41Mean it.
20:42Mean it.
20:43It's dying.
20:44There's no fire.
20:48Where's the queen?
20:50That's your cue.
20:54I'm sorry I'm late, Mr. Strathman, but I couldn't help it.
20:57But over there.
20:58You're supposed to enter from over there.
21:01Never mind.
21:02It's too late now.
21:03Go on from here.
21:04The queen, my lord.
21:05The queen.
21:06Oh, my lady.
21:07I have news.
21:09I stand here.
21:13I have news.
21:16Speak up and answer my forebodings.
21:18I talked to Caesar, O Cleopatra.
21:21I cannot hear you.
21:25I've talked to Caesar, O Cleopatra.
21:27Come, falter not, but tell me the tidings.
21:31Yes, tell me.
21:32There my heart is melted in its own anguished fire.
21:36The message I implore you.
21:39The message I implore you.
21:42Antony?
21:46The news is evil.
21:48He sends so poor an opinion of his wing,
21:51which has superfluous kings for messengers.
21:54Agrippa has begun to fight.
21:57Caesar's will is that I shall be taken alive.
22:01Oh, Antony.
22:06How heard you this?
22:08Secure for me this message,
22:10written in the greatest of services.
22:20Go, Eros.
22:21Send his treasure after.
22:23Detain no Jedi, charge thee.
22:25Agrippa has begun to fight.
22:27Caesar's will is that Antony be taken alive.
22:32That is verily what it says.
22:36Go to her and comfort her, my lord.
22:38These arms shall await your return.
22:40So shall these.
22:43I am finished with thee.
22:45With both of thee.
22:46I bid you do.
22:51Give me my robe and my crown.
22:54I have immortal longings in me.
23:06She's the funniest thing I've seen in years.
23:10Why doesn't one of them get off the stage?
23:13Which one?
23:15Where's the ass?
23:16Give me the ass.
23:18I was here first.
23:19It's my ass.
23:25Peace.
23:27Peace.
23:30Peace.
23:32Peace.
23:36Peace.
23:44It's all my fault.
23:46I should have gotten off the stage when you came on, Patty.
23:49I just got caught up in the part.
23:52I'm sorry.
23:53It was all my fault.
23:55I never should have barged in on you.
23:56You were in the middle of a show.
23:58Well, you should hear the audience.
24:00We're a smash.
24:01It's the best company I ever directed.
24:03I want to thank you for one of the most enjoyable evenings I've had in years.
24:07Oh, my name is Ryan.
24:08I'm a talent scout for 20th Century Fox.
24:11You were excellent, young lady.
24:13Thank you, Mr. Ryan.
24:15How about you?
24:17You were sensational.
24:19Her name's Patty Lane.
24:20L-A-N-E.
24:22She's my sister.
24:23She's our daughter.
24:24Well, you must be very proud.
24:26I think you've got a movie star on your hands.
24:28We have a picture coming up with a part that's perfect for you.
24:32You can come in tomorrow with your mother and father and discuss contracts.
24:35What do you say to that, Patty Lane?
24:56Here's Kathy who's lived most everywhere
24:59From Santa Bar to Barkley Square
25:02But Patty's only seen the sights
25:04A girl can see from Brooklyn Heights
25:06What a crazy pair
25:08But they're cousins
25:11Identical cousins
25:13And you'll find
25:15They laugh alike
25:16They walk alike
25:17At times they even talk alike
25:19You can lose your mind
25:21When cousins
25:24Are two of a kind