Actress and author Gabrielle Union reveals why she wanted to go public about her fertility struggles and her personal experience with unsuccessful IVF treatments and multiple miscarriages.
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00:00 You have been very open and I treasure the fact that you're bravely acknowledging that you've had infertility issues.
00:05 Yes.
00:05 I know it's difficult to do.
00:06 So, I'll leave it to you.
00:08 What's gone on in the last three years that has caused issues for you?
00:12 Um, well I, I, initially I didn't know what, what the issue was.
00:16 I, I got off, I got off birth control, I was, I got married and I was ready to start a family.
00:20 Um, and I didn't...
00:21 Mary Dwayne Wade, by the way.
00:22 Yeah.
00:23 Wonderful basketball player.
00:24 [applause]
00:25 Congratulations.
00:26 Thank you.
00:27 He has good taste in women, you should tell him that.
00:28 I, I, I remind him of that daily.
00:30 Um, but yeah, and I didn't think there was going to be any problem and there was.
00:35 So, I was always having these early miscarriages, some through, from IVF and some just, you know, naturally, you know, happening on our own.
00:43 How many miscarriages did you have?
00:45 Literally, that's why I lost track.
00:46 It's, it's somewhere like eight or nine, give or take.
00:48 Oh.
00:49 Yeah.
00:50 Yeah, the first one was the most brutal because we told people and we were so excited and, um,
00:57 you know, you, you, you dream of, of this moment and those dreams were just crushed.
01:03 And then they just happened in sort of rapid succession over the next few years.
01:08 How has this affected you physically?
01:10 Oh gosh.
01:11 So, with IVF, you know, there's bloating and the bloating can mimic, you can actually look like you are in your second trimester of pregnancy.
01:20 Which, because, you know, there was like bump watch, you know, for like, you know, a hundred times, you know, in the last few years.
01:27 Everyone's like, "Oh, she's pregnant, she's pregnant."
01:29 And really, I'm just bloated trying to get pregnant.
01:32 But the excitement just led to confirmation of pregnancy and I'm like, "There's no baby."
01:38 And, um, when it doesn't work, it can be absolutely devastating.
01:43 And as women, we are, there's so many women hiding in plain sight, suffering in silence.
01:50 Nobody wants the world, which is what it feels like, the world to think that you're defective or less than a perfect woman or less than capable.
02:00 And there's just so much shame and mystery and guilt that surrounds fertility issues.
02:08 And that's why I wanted to include it in my book because I'm tired of it.
02:11 It needs to stop.
02:12 Well, you don't look very defective to me.
02:14 I'm not.
02:15 But I do want to ask you though, it's a lot to go through.
02:19 And I've been hearing you describe it.
02:21 I feel, I think we all feel the pain in your voice.
02:25 Why was it so important to talk about it now?
02:27 Why not talk about it in ten years when this is all fixed and done?
02:31 Why do you feel the urgency to be out in front of this?
02:34 Because there's no reason to feel alone.
02:36 There's no reason to suffer in silence.
02:38 There's no reason to feel like you're SEAL Team 6 getting to a doctor's appointment because you're afraid of what someone's going to say about a medical issue, which drives people further and further into the shadows.
02:51 And you're literally suffering in silence.
02:54 And I'm saying no more.
02:55 Enough.
02:56 It's the frustration you're expressing that I resonate to the most.
02:59 I get it.
03:00 And folks feel like they're defective.
03:02 You use that word, it's the perfect word.
03:04 And it's so far off target of what's really going down.
03:08 And it's remarkable that you've tackled it.
03:10 I think it's not just infertility.
03:12 You're doing this throughout your life.
03:13 And you talk about it beautifully in the book.
03:15 You have a very different perspective on balance, which caught me off guard, right?
03:18 And I got to say, we always talk about women needing to balance stuff out.
03:22 Share with everybody your pretty passionate sentiment about this.
03:26 Well, when I noticed, you know, I listen to my husband's interviews.
03:28 He gets interviewed literally daily.
03:30 No one has ever asked my husband, "How do you balance it all?"
03:33 You know, my husband has full custody of his kids.
03:36 You know, he's got a ton of brands going on.
03:38 He plays basketball.
03:39 He's won championships.
03:40 No one has ever asked him about balance because there's no expectation for a man to have balance.
03:46 As long as you bring home a check, that is balance.
03:48 And that's when I decided I'm not answering this question ever again.
03:52 I'm going to find balance how I find balance.
03:54 And some days there will be no balance.
03:56 And that's okay.
03:58 That is okay.
04:00 And that's what gave me balance.
04:02 Right.
04:03 You know, trying to come up with some crazy answer about, "Well, you know, I just take time and I do yoga."
04:09 No, I don't.
04:11 If those days I'm just going to sit in front of the TV and watch Stranger Things and eat a tub of ice cream, that might be my balance that day.
04:18 Some days I work out.
04:19 That might be my balance that day.
04:21 And the fact that we let men off the hook, I feel we should let women off the hook.
04:25 And stop asking that question.
04:26 Find balance however you feel.
04:27 Hallelujah.
04:28 Thank you for watching.
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