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Transcript
00:00:00Ok. Right. From Essex, like London. I'm Ronnie from London Town. London Town. Ronnie, Ronnie,
00:00:19Ronnie, Ronnie. Yeah, I'm Ronnie. I'm more like where the white was going, you know.
00:00:26Alright. I'm Ronnie.
00:00:33Ok. So this is my Ronnie O'Sullivan impression.
00:00:39Hi kids. It's me, Ronnie. Which Ronnie? There's only one Ronnie. Ronnie O'Sullivan.
00:00:47And today we are going to pot the white. No. No, we don't pot no whites around here. We only pot colours. Let's do this.
00:00:56So you're going to follow me all around the table and we're going to pot all the colours of the rainbow.
00:01:01Yes, yes we are. Because who am I? I'm Rocket Ronnie.
00:01:09Let's play some snooker.
00:01:12Working for the UK's lowest rated lookalike agency, Johnny Snookerman Barnard takes centre stage,
00:01:19navigating the agency's eccentricities before delving into the world of competitive miniature snooker. This is his story.
00:01:27Then when it comes to the adults one, I, well, I would be a bit more like less, hi kids,
00:01:34and I would be a bit more like hanging out, talking to them. Oh, let's have a beer. Let's kick back.
00:01:41Let's talk about the old greats. I'll sort of say about my time, you know, my friendship with Jimmy, old Jimmy White.
00:01:49And yeah, normally we've had a few crazy times, you know. So, but nonetheless, right back onto what else I would...
00:02:00Johnny, can you shut the fuck up, you're hitting me on my shirt.
00:02:31His opponent should be scared. The ladies want him, the gentlemen want to be him.
00:02:43He's a snookerman, the game has begun. One winner and they will be him.
00:02:50He's a snookerman and nobody can destroy the empire he's built.
00:02:57The snookerman, the snookerman, the snookerman, the snookerman.
00:03:10Great player and a great lover. There is nothing he does wrong.
00:03:31He does it all like no other. He's taken over the world.
00:03:45The ladies want him, the gentlemen want to be him.
00:03:50He's a snookerman, the game has begun. One winner and they will be him.
00:03:57He's a snookerman and nobody can destroy the empire he's built.
00:04:04The snookerman, the snookerman, the snookerman, the snookerman.
00:04:18You won't see his next move coming. In a second only a black ball left.
00:04:25And all of his lovers keep coming, but cause his name they can't forget.
00:04:30He's a snookerman, the game has begun. One winner and they will be him.
00:04:37He's a snookerman and nobody can destroy the empire he's built.
00:04:44The snookerman, the snookerman, the snookerman, the snookerman.
00:04:58Yeah, I mean, some nights, yeah, fucking hell, I mean, I finish work and I just want to,
00:05:18the thing I want to do is just kick back and it's like, oh, yeah,
00:05:24I've got to go down there, a cold shower.
00:05:27I got into acting 10 years ago, done a drama degree and yeah, it's like two years intensive
00:05:37and that was going well and picked up lots of different bits and pieces,
00:05:43like some touring theatre around Italy and yeah, a couple of theatre shows,
00:05:50like a few, like half a dozen in like small venues around London
00:05:56and it was actually one of them that I met Barry, he just came along to one
00:06:02and we got talking, Barry Keane, who runs the Prestige Lookalikes
00:06:07and we actually hit it off.
00:06:09Barry Keane initially refused to take part in this documentary
00:06:13as he objects to Prestige Lookalikes being featured as the UK's worst lookalike agency.
00:06:18He sent a lookalike of himself to take part instead.
00:06:22I'm the lead actor, director and writer of the best British horror films since Hammer
00:06:29and founder of Prestige Lookalikes, Barry Keane, obviously.
00:06:35We got talking about films, we're both very passionate about movies
00:06:41and then he also was telling me that he has all these ideas
00:06:47and a few of them were for horror films.
00:06:50So naturally I thought, great, let's collaborate, let's get some films made
00:06:58and yeah, we did, we've made a few films now.
00:07:02The Girl With The Two Masks was my directional debut.
00:07:08I like to think of it as my love letter to the giallo films of Dario Argento.
00:07:17But better if I do say so myself.
00:07:31Stop being a victim and stay a therapist!
00:07:38Okay, goodnight.
00:07:41Well I wake up with glass taped to my mouth
00:07:44so if I move my mouth or do anything basically it will cut my mouth up.
00:07:50Nice.
00:07:54But then also I get attacked, so it's like a needle in my arm
00:07:59and I basically got to, I'm forced to spray a picture, like a portrait from my own blood.
00:08:07Stop being a victim and stay a therapist!
00:08:18I was about to show it to my mum and she said,
00:08:22Johnny, it's Christmas Day, let's maybe do it Boxing Day, it's a horror.
00:08:27I said, alright then.
00:08:28And then, yeah, it was awkward, I was watching it with her and my dad
00:08:34and they were just like, what the hell is this?
00:08:36I think for me, why my dad does these films, it's because A is a bit of a cheapskate
00:08:43and blood's pretty cheap, isn't it?
00:08:45You can use bucket loads of it, it looks really good on film
00:08:48and it's just cheap to make, but it always sells.
00:08:51I mean, when I was little, when I was about four or five,
00:08:54we'd always watch like Hammer House of Horrors.
00:08:56Can you imagine being a kid in that household and you sort of go to bed watching like
00:09:00mutilations, death, blood and gore, screaming out in the middle of your night
00:09:04and your dad saying, don't worry about that, it's about the haunting you've got to worry about.
00:09:09Which I think, that's exactly where we got two maths from.
00:09:12He sort of watches all this stuff and he sort of rips it off.
00:09:15To Kill a Princess stars my lovely daughter, Margaret,
00:09:21and my current employee, Johnny, in a fantasy steampunk world.
00:09:28Maggie is the princess. She has to be killed.
00:09:32Johnny has to kill her.
00:09:34But they fall in love.
00:09:36A retro-futuristic Shakespearean tragedy, if you wish.
00:09:43What is this bollocks?
00:09:46Watch out for my cameo as a steam-powered Terminator.
00:09:54HE COUGHS
00:09:56HE GROANS
00:10:10Run! Oh, your dad!
00:10:13HE COUGHS
00:10:15Do you know what, Intercolor Princess, I quite like that because I come across as this real
00:10:25sort of kick-ass strong woman. I don't know if it's like ultimate feminist.
00:10:37Who was that? Who may be a little hoi, a little tall hoi that my father happened
00:10:44to sleep with. My sister would never be assigned a hoi.
00:10:48Essentially my character is out to kill the princess.
00:11:01It was a terrible shame you slipped away at such an early hour.
00:11:06At your father's gala you have quite an effect on me.
00:11:09And I was working with Johnny Bono and it's like this little love affair and we'd meet up at the
00:11:14palace and we had some scenes that was like sort of a mass ball. It's quite sexy but yeah and then
00:11:20he got killed. You're about to die. Do you have any last requests? Yeah. I'm thirsty.
00:11:30Sure, you're very thirsty. Maybe you would like that brandy after all.
00:11:50Every film we do, he just ends up dead. Some really gruesome horrible death.
00:11:54You just know he's never going to be in the sequel.
00:11:57It's Christmas day and I'm actually with Maggie, like our characters are together.
00:12:05He's playing my dad. And this whole scene just goes all a bit tits up.
00:12:14It's a small bit for me thanks. Oh come on love, have a big bit. It's Christmas.
00:12:27It's already awkward and yeah like Maggie's character's saying like oh
00:12:34why didn't you tell your dad about me? But I'm just kind of there's a reason why.
00:12:39We can tell her. Don't look at me like that. Tell me what? He's trying to contain it. He's trying to
00:12:49try to hold it down. But he can't. Let's do a countdown. Ready? Three, two...
00:13:00No!
00:13:13Shit!
00:13:19What's happening? I'm sorry babe. Yeah he turns into his uh into the chihuahua man
00:13:27which is like half chihuahua half whale.
00:13:31So
00:13:51didn't we tell you not to stop taking your medication?
00:13:53Stay. Listen. Stay. Stay. Dad. Dad. Dad. Get the fuck off me.
00:14:02Dad. And I just don't tell my mates about this film because who wants to say my dad did this
00:14:07film where we got to dry hump you know me, my guy, well me, you know Johnny. Like you know it's a bit
00:14:16weird isn't it? I mean so she gets all this burnt chicken that's been all messed up anyway and sort
00:14:24of enticed like throw this chicken down this burnt chicken and suddenly my dad goes off and he's he's
00:14:31eating this burnt chicken. I don't even know what these films are about.
00:14:50I think my dad thinks he's a bit like sort of Tim Burton where he's got his sort of his Johnny Depp
00:14:55and he's you know he's Helena Bonham Carton which is obviously me and obviously Johnny's
00:15:02Johnny Depp but honestly it's just because he's cheap if I'm honest. He just don't want to pay
00:15:06anyone. I mean poor Johnny gets paid nothing really. He just does them for free on this promise
00:15:13that he's going to be this massive horror actor. I'm not sure it's going to happen because he just
00:15:18dies and I'm done. He's a bit ridiculed poor guy and I mean me I don't know how many more I'm going
00:15:24to do to be honest. I mean I'm all for a bit of fun you know getting a bit creative and all that
00:15:30you know getting out of my comfort zone but like you know a couple of the ideas he's thrown at me
00:15:36I've actually had to say no because they're just too too bizarre. I started the Prestige Lookalikes
00:15:44agency in 2018 hiring the very best lookalikes the UK has to offer.
00:15:52The name's Bond. James.
00:15:58Bond. James Bond. No I'm only joking my name's actually Pete. Yeah I'm a professional
00:16:05James Bond impersonator. Daniel Craig impersonator. Yeah so I'm here today
00:16:12putting the final touches to my one-man show that I've been developing over the last couple of years.
00:16:17It's called 10 Hours to Die. It's 10 hours long because you know we're in the binge age you know
00:16:25people love binging and that's what we're bringing that to the stage rather than
00:16:30like home tv you know. So it's me, Omni Todd, re-enacting every scene, every action, every song
00:16:36from every one of Daniel Craig's five Bond films.
00:16:43Yeah it's never been done before as far as we know and that'll probably never be done again.
00:16:48It's hard, it's hard but once you get into it and you're channeling that Daniel Craig energy
00:16:53it's like otherworldly and you feel like he's watching over you and guiding you through it.
00:17:00So yeah it's not too bad. I'm fit, I go to the gym, work out as well like he did.
00:17:06Eight days a week he said, I'm nine days a week. Taking good care of your body.
00:17:15To the right, to the right, to the right, to the right. You are a funny man Mr Bond.
00:17:24Yes, yes, yes. You know I've studied him I know he's worked so hard on them films
00:17:30and like he broke his leg making one of them. He's had so many injuries because he did all his own
00:17:35stunts and I think the least I can do is push through for 10 hours. In the context of the time
00:17:40he put into all them films 10 hours is nothing. Skyfall, let the sky fall, when it crumbles,
00:17:47when it crumbles we can stand tall. Yeah I think it's going to be all right and we've got breaks
00:17:55you know after each film we have the four intervals because people are going to need them
00:17:59to refresh, go toilet, that kind of thing. I'll need to go toilet, can't go 10 hours without going
00:18:04toilet. Q, Q are you there? What are they safe Q? Yes they're safe. Bond have you left the island?
00:18:16There's a slight problem with the blast doors. No, no, no Bond
00:18:20the missiles have already launched just get out of there. Well that's not going to work.
00:18:25Oh god, oh god, it's all all right. Can you put Madeline on please? We just need more time.
00:18:35You have all the time in the world.
00:18:40I love you.
00:18:44I love you too. She does have your eyes.
00:18:48I know.
00:19:18You just got to look at the other Bonds, people who played Bonds before and they're still very
00:19:28present in our minds and I think Daniel Craig is is going to be present in our minds for years
00:19:34and decades to come so I think and he's still working you know and I think the more work he
00:19:39does, more films, more doors will open for me as an impersonator. Do you know my poor dad?
00:19:46I remember once he'd been on this date with this woman and she dumped him because she said he
00:19:50looked like Toby Jones. He took it really to heart and then he kind of went screw her,
00:19:55I'm actually going to make money off this. I'm going to actually start my own look-alike agency,
00:19:59be Toby Jones and then see what she thinks then. There's more money in it than acting,
00:20:06no matter how many roles were being offered to me, none. Oh Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry, Barry,
00:20:14don't talk to me about Barry. Yeah, I worked for Barry for about 18 months during which time he
00:20:23got me no work. He seemed a lot more interested in pimping himself out as a Toby Jones impersonator
00:20:31but there ain't much of a market for Toby Jones look-alikes when you can have Daniel Craig so
00:20:37yeah, I ended up getting my own work in the end so it's been alright to be honest but no thanks
00:20:43to Barry. I've had different people come and go but we've optimised it to just me and Johnny
00:20:52at the moment. What was that? Yeah, over the years I've had a few people say to me, you know what,
00:21:00have you seen Evil Dead? I'm like yeah, I know what you're going to say, yeah, I look like Bruce
00:21:05Campbell. I've got a kind of Bruce Campbell look to me and I kind of like that. If anyone,
00:21:11Bruce Campbell, yeah, he's an Evil Dead character. Ash, it's wicked, really cool character. So yeah,
00:21:19we go to game conventions and comic conventions and movie conventions. There's lots going on
00:21:26in London and yeah, there was a bit of noise with that. That was quite fun actually. Okay,
00:21:33so looking like Ronnie O'Sullivan, personally, I definitely don't think I'm the spitting image by
00:21:39any means and you know, his physique's not the same really, you know. Nonetheless, there is
00:21:45definitely, I could see a bit of me in him and vice versa. You can visit the Prestige website
00:21:52to hire Johnny for parties, corporate events, hen-doos and grand openings. Anything you want.
00:22:03He's the UK's 17th rated Ronnie O'Sullivan lookalike, but we've had to refer to him as
00:22:11Snookerman for legal reasons. They sent a letter. He's only the 17th best, but to my knowledge,
00:22:21I'm the number one Toby Jones lookalike in the world and fucking only.
00:22:29I can't do this anymore. This is out of bollocks. He's my landlord. I owe him rent.
00:22:35There's the only reason why I'm doing this. I worked for him for a week and I regretted that.
00:22:41Look, what do you want to know about him? I'll tell you anything. Things do come in for Ronnie
00:22:46and I'm out there doing the work. I'm doing some random, some of the things. It's unbelievable.
00:22:55Some of the things that I end up having to do and he rakes in the payday. I get a cut,
00:23:01but really for what I'm doing, I should get a lot more. I'm a professional at what I do
00:23:06and he just didn't get me any work. He promised me the earth and he just didn't deliver.
00:23:13There's pub nights. That's quite a big one. They normally love to have, even if it's a darts
00:23:20competition, they like to welcome on. Hey, and here's Ronnie O'Sullivan to do some trick shots
00:23:30and people do double take sometimes for that. I was booked out by this woman who was a hen party.
00:23:39I thought, oh, interesting. I rock up to do some trick shots. I've got my cue and everything.
00:23:49I go to rack up the table and they're already half gone. They're all really merry and they're
00:23:56like, well, come on then. You still got your bow tie on. I thought, well, yeah, I'm going to do
00:24:03some shots. One of them actually, she actually threw a Johnny at me. It landed in my face like a
00:24:14condom in its packet. Barry knew about this. Barry knew that that was one, a hen party and
00:24:22also that they wanted me to strip, but I didn't know that. He didn't tell me and he's done a few
00:24:30things like that, but that was the worst. No, I was not happy at all. No, I stormed out of that
00:24:36place. I said, well, I've got to go. There's no way. Fuming, fuming. I just gave him a text and
00:24:44said, oh, where are you at, Baz? He said, oh, I'm in the pub. I went into the pub and as soon as I
00:24:51saw him, I didn't care. I didn't care. I just picked up the pint and I threw it in his face.
00:24:56I want to be an actor. I'm doing this for a bit of money. We're supposed to have a partnership
00:25:03here and that's just taken it way, way too far. I can't do this forever. Put it that way.
00:25:11And I've got a reputation. So when I hear about the agency being regarded as the worst in the
00:25:22country, that still backfires on me. It's the lowest rated. If you look it up, it's right down
00:25:30there. So it's just a bit poor, isn't it? I have. I've had auditions where people say, oh, aren't
00:25:38you that Ronnie lookalike for that really bad agency? And it's like, well, okay, yeah, yeah,
00:25:47yeah. And then most of the, well, they don't want to see me again, really, which is a shame.
00:25:54Johnny's a nice lad. I wouldn't pay to see him as a Ronnie O'Sullivan lookalike.
00:25:58That would be a bit of a stretch. He has eyes for Barry's daughter, Maggie.
00:26:03Barry wouldn't like that. I know this is a documentary and all. I don't know how much I
00:26:09can share. But yeah, I've got some feelings for her, for sure. Yeah, it just is a bit of a tricky
00:26:18one because, you know, being Barry's daughter, you know, he does have a bit of a thing about
00:26:24that as well. Me and Johnny, we had this really nice scenes together and suddenly it's like my
00:26:31dad got all like pissy-assed about it. Actually, there's been a couple of times when we wanted to
00:26:37like say to Barry, like, okay, can we, should we do a kiss? Should we snog?
00:26:43Suddenly it arrived at him totally different, that I'm suddenly murdering him.
00:26:47It's like, it's almost like a subliminal message, like this is going to happen to you,
00:26:50Johnny. Touch my daughter and all that. I don't even like him that much anyway.
00:26:55I think it's because he likes me. Yeah, Maggie's, she's a catch. She's really like,
00:27:02yeah, she's, she's, she's, yeah, stunning. Yeah, she's really stunning. So, yeah.
00:27:09In any other universe, they'd be made for each other. Anyway,
00:27:14can I do the thing, as I mentioned before, I used to work for Barry.
00:27:20Normally, I would not have a beard, but today I've got one. Baldie and Slappy.
00:27:33What a chance that that happened. Complimentary cookie. Get off, get off.
00:27:40My old dad, my old daddy, he died again. What a chance that that happened. Sweeter than a
00:27:46hazelnut. The, um, complimentary cookie. Complimentary cookie. Get off, get off.
00:27:54And bald. What a chance that that happened. You get the idea of that anyway.
00:28:00Okay, so I've actually got a gig coming up. It's quite soon. It's next week, actually,
00:28:05next weekend. And, yeah, a big name in the world of miniature snooker, a guy called Wolfgang,
00:28:13and he's going to be playing. It's miniature snooker, and there's championships and people
00:28:19take it quite seriously. They really do love it. And, yeah, just with the half time, I'm going to
00:28:26be keeping the crowd entertained with my routine. So, yeah, we'll see how that goes.
00:28:35Hello, I'm not Peter Ebdon, and I'm here in a bubble bath to explain the rules of snooker to
00:28:39you. Snooker is a cool cue sport played on a rectangular table with pockets. The goal is to
00:28:45score points by potting balls in a specific order. At the beginning, there are 15 red balls set up in
00:28:52a triangle shape, and then the individually colored balls have their spots on the table.
00:28:57Now players take turns using the cue stick to hit the white cue ball, trying to pot one of the red
00:29:02balls first, followed by a colored one. Each ball they pot earns them some points. Red balls are
00:29:09worth just one point each, but the colored ones are a bit fancier. Yellow is two points, green is
00:29:15three, brown is four, blue is five, pink is six, and the black one is worth the most at seven points.
00:29:21The player pots a red, then a color, then another red, and another color, and so forth. The colored
00:29:27balls that get potted are placed back on the table until all the red ones are gone. The really cool
00:29:33part is that as long as they keep potting balls legally, players can keep their turn going,
00:29:38creating what's called a break. But beware, there are foul rules, and if someone messes up, the other
00:29:44player can earn penalty points. The game ends when all the balls are potted, and the player with the
00:29:49most points is declared the winner. Remember, there's more to snooker than just this basic stuff,
00:29:55like clever strategies, safety play, and other tricks that make it a real blast to play and watch.
00:30:00Snooker is traditionally played on a 12 foot by 6 foot table, but the world championships of
00:30:06miniature snooker are conducted on a table just 36 inches in length. Of mixed European heritage,
00:30:14Wolfgang grew up in East Berlin as the son of a highly ranking Stasi official.
00:30:21Secret documents revealed he was snuck into the houses of dissidents
00:30:25to subtly rearrange furniture so the victims thought they were going crazy.
00:30:30Be it an open window, a cat flap, or any nook and cranny, he would squeeze his way in.
00:30:39After the fall of the Berlin Wall, Wolfgang found a new outlet for his love of cramped spaces,
00:30:44the world of miniature snooker.
00:30:48We're taking a halftime break during this qualification match
00:30:52between Wolfgang and Prince Pretty. Don't go anywhere. Here comes the halftime entertainment.
00:30:59Good evening, everyone. I'm your Ronnie O'Sullivan look-alike. Any ball, any pocket?
00:31:08Go for blue in the middle.
00:31:10Blue in the middle. Great. I like to do a sort of line.
00:31:18Now I'll just put these in my pockets. Okay, here we go. I really hope you're having a good time.
00:31:24Wolfgang, he'll be back here in a couple of minutes.
00:31:28All right.
00:31:37Okay, ladies and gentlemen, this is my final trick shot for tonight.
00:31:42Now, I don't know if you've seen me do this before, but this is my favorite.
00:31:47I made this a couple of years ago. I'm very proud of this shot. This one's called Hell's Cross.
00:31:53No clapping, but that's all right.
00:31:57Thank you very much. I hope you enjoyed that. I really hope to see you all again.
00:32:01What is he doing here? What is he doing here with the documentary crew?
00:32:06They should be filming me. I am the greatest player. I will win this bloody whole tournament.
00:32:11And who's that pretty little friend over there?
00:32:15Do you want to go with a real champion tonight?
00:32:16Hey, get your hands off her.
00:32:17Creepy bastard.
00:32:18Get your hands off her.
00:32:19Sorry, ladies and gentlemen. Sorry. Sorry. Hello. Hello. This is Hugh.
00:32:24Well done, son. All right. Come on, man. I'll get you out of here.
00:32:29See you, mate.
00:32:30All right.
00:32:32Sorry about this, guys.
00:32:34I've been worried for you.
00:32:35See you, lads.
00:32:35You'll be seeing me, all right.
00:32:49It's a good job I was there, isn't it? No. It's just not good enough. No, I don't like
00:32:55the fact that they were kind of, you know, leaning. I don't like leaning. You know,
00:33:01leaning in like that. No, they're getting a bit too close for my liking. A bit too bloody close.
00:33:08We're not having words with her. I'm not going to be having words with him.
00:33:12Yeah. And when I mean words, I mean words. Proper 1970s northern words. You know what I mean?
00:33:20He does it again. An easy qualification for Wolfgang.
00:33:27We'll be seeing him defend his title at the finals of the world championships of miniature snooker.
00:33:44Snookerman, you're a disgrace. Everything you do is a disgrace.
00:33:50It's a disgrace of doing a documentary about your shitty liquor-like business.
00:33:55I am the one they should be focusing on. They should be following my story on the way
00:34:01to winning the world title of miniature snooker. If you're not such a pussy,
00:34:08I dare you to enter a qualification match to the finals.
00:34:11Let me know. I can fix it for you.
00:34:17If you dare. I hope to embarrass you in front of your little princes.
00:34:21If we ever face each other because you're a pussy. Disgrace. Peace out and piss off.
00:34:41Can we go around the table and can you tell me whom you're all having affairs with?
00:34:56Dobby's free. Free Dobby. Masticate Dobby a sock.
00:35:04You see, I reckon that I'm a better Toby Jones than Toby Jones.
00:35:13You know, I mean, just look at the quality of this work already. Hello,
00:35:18Dobby. See, you can just drop into it like that. I've never been hired out as a Toby Jones look-alike
00:35:24but then I've not put myself out there. Well, I named my daughter Maggie because of Maggie's
00:35:29acture. The Iron Lady. Inspiration. No one's ever happy with the boss they've got. All my past
00:35:38employees up saying I'm the worst boss. At least they had a boss. If it weren't for me, they'd be
00:35:45on the door, wouldn't they? Ratings. The lowest rated look-alike agency is rating it. That's what
00:35:52I say. Who's rating it? It's just a matter of opinion. That's all.
00:36:04Right, one thing that's important when you're
00:36:09the boss of a highly powered look-alike place
00:36:16is you have to keep in shape. I do like
00:36:23to keep myself torned, you know, keep myself torn.
00:36:33So, each morning
00:36:38a little bit of exercise. Right, quick workout.
00:36:44Right. You see, the snooker guys don't have to go to all this trouble.
00:36:56Now, the thing is, Johnny's gone into the proper tournament now,
00:37:02so I'm going to get him into some training. He's got to get disciplined, you know, the way I am.
00:37:11I'm going to be encouraging all that.
00:37:15So, I've got to get myself in shape as well. Now, Johnny, as usual,
00:37:23has been complaining about not being able to fit his snooker cue
00:37:30into his flat. What I say is, instead of complaining about it, do something about it.
00:37:40You know, work with the problem. Don't just come complaining to me.
00:37:46Can't deal with all your problems. Adapt to the situation. Just stop bloody moaning.
00:37:55I'm going to be right there beside him, every step of the way.
00:38:03He's got problems and I'm going to sort them out with him. He needs to work on his game.
00:38:11And because of this gig that I've got him, there's going to be a lot more work coming his way.
00:38:20And I'm going to be right there making sure
00:38:26that he gets that work. What we could end up doing is going right to top,
00:38:33right to top at look-a-like business. All down to me. Yeah.
00:38:44How's it going? All right? Not so bad, lad. How are you doing?
00:38:49I'm beginning to look better. I can see that, actually.
00:38:52Yeah, you've got your little webcam on the go there, haven't you?
00:38:54Pretty good, eh? So, yeah, you know, it's not really, not really ideal. You know, like,
00:39:02this has been good enough up until now, but I really do need some more space, you know.
00:39:08Well, have you seen where I'm living? You're in a bigger place than I am.
00:39:13Yeah? You know, you just make do, make do, you know? Angle your, tell you what,
00:39:21tell you what, you know, it's like, like me old man used to do with cycle proficiency, right?
00:39:27Right, listen up. You used to put the cones tighter together that you had to cycle around,
00:39:32so when you took your test and they were wider apart, it was a doddle. Same with your flat.
00:39:39When you've got all the room in the world in tournament, you're going to be brilliant.
00:39:42So actually, it's good for your training to be where you are, eh?
00:39:47The only thing is, it's just so limited, the space. As you can see, it's just,
00:39:53I can manoeuvre around so much, you know. Okay, I can, I can look, I can look into it.
00:39:59I can look for you, you know. Let me have a think. I'll catch you later, all right?
00:40:07Remember, please, just get that, get that flat for me.
00:40:12So, yeah, I'm having my first ever proper game in a basement.
00:40:37I don't really know what to say. It's just a bit of a, yeah, it's cold and it's dingy,
00:40:45and I'm sure it is a tactic. Choosing this location, it sounds like he knows exactly
00:40:52what this spot is, and I'm sure, you know, he knows exactly what he's doing.
00:40:57Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen, to this qualification match for the finals
00:41:02of the Miniature Snooker World Championships. Best of five. Let's go. Nadra to break.
00:41:11He's set up nicely for the pink.
00:41:18Nadra takes the lead.
00:41:22Snookerman to break.
00:41:25Red goes down. He makes it look so easy. Nadra doesn't like that. Nice rollback
00:41:31off the blue. Snookerman pulls it back. One all.
00:41:44Pots it. Pink-tastic. Black attack. Snookerman takes advantage and can see blood in the water.
00:41:55Just this black to win. He does. He does it.
00:42:02Snookerman has signed himself off to the finals.
00:42:06Over the moon. Over the moon, really. This is a perfect start. Perfect start.
00:42:11Sure, yeah. He could go all the way, I bet. He's a real talent. Well, yeah. Yeah. Good luck. Yeah.
00:42:20We caught up with Snookerman three months before the finals.
00:42:24Unfortunately, he's received some bad news. This is what happened.
00:42:32I'm not going to lie. Gutted. Yeah, I feel gutted. I was really getting into it.
00:42:42Yeah, really excited. And yeah, you know, it all seemed to be going well. And then
00:42:53yeah, they had to bring this thing back up.
00:42:57Hello.
00:43:00As the leading representative and the number one ranked miniature snooker player in the world,
00:43:06I regret to inform you all today of a bigoted integration from one of my fellow players.
00:43:17It's just a tweet. It was just a silly tweet. But, you know, it's Twitter for you. And
00:43:24I mean, bloody hell, it's 12 years ago. 2009.
00:43:28On the 5th of June 2009, Johnny Boner, also known as Johnny Boner,
00:43:335th of June 2009, Johnny Boner, also known as Snookerman, tweeted the following, and I quote,
00:43:44dolphins are just gay sharks.
00:43:49Yeah, I just, I've always had this thing about dolphins looking like gay sharks. That's all.
00:43:56I apologize for the homophobic rant from my fellow professional.
00:44:04This act will not go unpunished. The Federation of Miniature Snooker have therefore
00:44:14annulled the qualification of snooker men in the championships and will be replaced
00:44:22in the competition for my good friend, the ambassador. That is all.
00:44:28Why has he got to dig up this bloody tweet from years ago? You know, this guy, seriously, like,
00:44:37what a prick. You know, you think you're all that, but you're not. You're not. You're just a prick.
00:44:43Giving it large.
00:44:46Wanker.
00:44:52I just feel like, you know, this world can be so, so hard sometimes,
00:44:58and you just want to do something, you know, just want to do something.
00:45:02And then you get some, some, someone like Wolfgang come around the corner and, you know,
00:45:09or someone, there's always someone or something that gets in the way, right?
00:45:14And I was, you know, I was enjoying this, and I was working hard at it,
00:45:17and I was, I like to think that was, yeah, I like to put on a good show.
00:45:33Sorry.
00:45:41Should we stop?
00:45:47I don't know. Yeah, maybe.
00:45:51As your future world champion, I am getting sick and tired of the internet suggestion that I got
00:45:57Snookerman suspended, because I am scared to face him in a game of miniature snooker.
00:46:03This is complete bullshit. I have no time for this shit, man. This is all I have to say on the matter.
00:46:09Snookerman is a jackass and deserves everything that has happened to him.
00:46:13He's nothing but a stupid fool and a depressing waste of time. Good night.
00:46:19So welcome to my new, my new abode.
00:46:24And yes, it's about time I had an upgrade from Barry, really.
00:46:29So Barry owns this place. He's the land, he's essentially my landlord.
00:46:32So he's now, yeah, he's my boss and he's my landlord.
00:46:36So the pressure's on a bit.
00:46:39Yeah, there was, there is this one particular photo.
00:46:42I don't know if you've seen it, but yeah, it's, um,
00:46:46it's a Photoshop image.
00:46:48They kind of copy pasted my face and they put it into a scene where,
00:46:55a picture where you got this, got this, got like the sea and then you got this, this dolphin.
00:47:04And then, and then you got me and the dolphin's actually raping me.
00:47:08The dolphin's really, really given it to me, man.
00:47:17Treasure Island was good.
00:47:19It was good to be part of the Long John Silver's entourage.
00:47:23They'd be a noisy bunch of lovers and swabs though, Captain.
00:47:28My name is Blood Boiler.
00:47:31Oh yeah, and why do they call you that?
00:47:35Because when I gets angry, I go bonkers.
00:47:40And when I gets bonkers, well, my blood boils.
00:47:45And then when my blood boils, well, I get a little bit overheated
00:47:50and say things that I later regret.
00:47:53I could do with the money right now.
00:47:55And, um, yeah, like I had three callbacks for that.
00:47:59It's for the Quavers.
00:48:00There's a new Quavers advert and a bit of a wacky one.
00:48:04Yeah.
00:48:05It's like the character, I was going to be the main character, the Quaver connoisseur.
00:48:11And they just said to me, well, you know, I'm going to be the main character.
00:48:16I'm going to be the Quaver connoisseur.
00:48:19The Quaver connoisseur.
00:48:21And they just said to me, well, you know, step into the camera
00:48:27and they dressed me up as a giant block of cheese.
00:48:29And I just had to say the one line, I'm the Quaver connoisseur.
00:48:34It went a bit more like, I'm the Quaver connoisseur.
00:48:41But they went with someone else.
00:48:44Yeah.
00:48:44They just went with someone who apparently just had a bit more of a French look.
00:48:49Yeah.
00:48:49I did say like, well, you know, is there anything I can do to make myself look more French?
00:48:54But I did sort of send them a photo with a sort of curly moustache.
00:48:59Maybe they just didn't get it.
00:49:02Yeah.
00:49:03Maybe they just, you know, they're busy, aren't they?
00:49:05Love the character of Rodney Trotter.
00:49:08Classic.
00:49:09One of my favorites.
00:49:10It's just the national gem, isn't it?
00:49:14Only fools.
00:49:15And so I saw this ad and I thought, brilliant.
00:49:20Because again, a couple of people told me that I look kind of like, I remind them of Rodney.
00:49:29So not just that.
00:49:31I think I have got that kind of quirkiness, I guess.
00:49:36So yeah, I emailed them over and said, hey, yeah, I was so excited.
00:49:42And I was right, I was there.
00:49:45I was there like the next day.
00:49:47And in for an audition, there was a lot of people and I could not believe it.
00:49:52I could not believe it when they actually called me back.
00:49:56And they said, OK, we actually got a workshop, a couple of things.
00:50:00And we did.
00:50:02I'm going to kill you.
00:50:05You set her up to go on out with me.
00:50:09You paid her.
00:50:12Trigg, why do you call me Dave?
00:50:16My name's not Dave.
00:50:18My name's Rodney.
00:50:20It is definitely Rodney.
00:50:23And the reason they call me Rodney is because Rodney is my name.
00:50:29We'd done the scenes and they were going well.
00:50:31And then, yeah, for some reason, like, yeah, they gave me a call like a week ago
00:50:41just to say, I'm sorry, Johnny, but we can't use you.
00:50:49I said, really?
00:50:50Wow.
00:50:52OK.
00:50:53And they said, yeah, it's the other guy.
00:50:56He's just he's just a bit taller than you.
00:50:59And I just I said, well, how about I wear platform shoes?
00:51:02I said, no.
00:51:05Just gutted, gutted.
00:51:10The 1-4-7 break is a perfect score in snooker,
00:51:13achieved within a single visit to the table.
00:51:16There's a thriving speed running community within miniature snooker,
00:51:19with people recording themselves on camera performing their fastest 1-4-7 break
00:51:23and submitting these runs to an online leaderboard.
00:51:27The ambassador has not only used his influence as sponsor to appropriate himself
00:51:31snookerman's former spot in the tournament finals,
00:51:34but he's also lobbied the organizers to reserve a wild card place
00:51:38for whoever holds the current 1-4-7 break record as his opponent in the quarterfinals
00:51:43under the pretense it'll make the competition more exciting.
00:51:46By anticipating this inevitable loophole,
00:51:49the ambassador has taken the 1-4-7 break record for himself,
00:51:53so will bypass straight to the semifinals as things stand.
00:51:57With his ban from miniature snooker ending,
00:51:59this loophole also gives snookerman his only chance to get back in.
00:52:03Whoever records themselves performing the fastest 1-4-7 break
00:52:06before midnight of the competition gets an automatic placement.
00:52:10The game is on.
00:52:12Yeah, got my table back up and running,
00:52:16and I'm putting in some hours, I'm shooting some good shots.
00:52:20I'm quite excited about this.
00:52:22So, basically, I started this whole idea.
00:52:25It's very simple, you know, I was quick, I'm clever.
00:52:30The ambassador coin.
00:52:32It's simple.
00:52:33Once I take your money, yeah, I can show you things.
00:52:37I'll give you a lot more back.
00:52:39Some of my clients are incredible, yeah.
00:52:41You should see them all over the place.
00:52:43They're everywhere.
00:52:44I mean, you won't be able to find them, but they are everywhere.
00:52:47It's like a game of snooker, yeah.
00:52:49You sit there, you plan your moves.
00:52:52It's on a miniature table.
00:52:54The world is miniature like a bank, right.
00:52:57So all I thought was, take the same element, bash them all together.
00:53:01And that's why I'm here.
00:53:02That's why I sponsored this thing in the first place.
00:53:05And so that's pretty much what we have to do.
00:53:09We've got to beat his record.
00:53:11The guys are full.
00:53:13The snooker man.
00:53:14What a stupid name anyway.
00:53:16It's so obvious, isn't it?
00:53:18Snooker man.
00:53:19What we playing?
00:53:21Snooker or we playing business?
00:53:24That's all I'm saying.
00:53:26Okay, Mr. Ambassador.
00:53:27So what I'm going to do is I'm going to smash the title away from you.
00:53:36You're not going to know what's going to hit you, yeah.
00:53:38It's going to be like a bit humiliating.
00:53:42Without me literally pulling your trousers down, that's pretty much what's going to happen.
00:53:46If I get that 1-4-7 break, right, I'll get two spots.
00:53:51I won't have to play anyone after this.
00:53:53I'll be straight to the semifinals.
00:53:56So all you're saying is you're not going to get me.
00:54:00I'm untouchable.
00:54:02The first ever record of the 1-4-7 break was set by Colin in 2017,
00:54:07which was smashed by Twitch streamer Queenie two years later,
00:54:11breaking the sub five-minute barrier.
00:54:14With less than a month before midnight of the finals,
00:54:16Ambassador set a time of 4 minutes 42.
00:54:20New to the speed running scene,
00:54:21snooker man stole the record the following week.
00:54:24Wolfgang, you are going down the prick face.
00:54:28You and the Ambassador.
00:54:29Setting up a back and forward rivalry between the two.
00:54:54Oh, yes!
00:54:57With only hours to go before the deadline, snooker man got this run.
00:55:10This has all been worth it.
00:55:12So please, please join me for the finals.
00:55:16This will be televised and I'm going to win it.
00:55:20I'll see you then.
00:55:21Hello, my fans.
00:55:22So what you don't realize now is I've had the record for a while, OK?
00:55:27OK, I've been sitting on this.
00:55:28With minutes to go before midnight,
00:55:30Ambassador uploaded a video he recorded over a week earlier.
00:55:34As you can see, I did it in the time scale.
00:55:37And yeah, I've been holding the footage, waiting out Mr. Snookerman.
00:55:40So you won't have time to get yours in.
00:55:42That puts me in the spot where I want to be in the finals.
00:55:44And you're not going to be able to compete with me.
00:55:46That makes me the snookerman, snookerman, snookerman.
00:55:50Snookerman.
00:55:52Welcome to the grand finals of the world championships of miniature snooker 2022.
00:55:58We're here, guys.
00:56:00A nonstop thrill ride of ball potting action for you all to enjoy.
00:56:06A huge controversy has held its cloud over the competition this year,
00:56:10as the ambassador has not only paid his way into the competition
00:56:14through sponsoring the tournament,
00:56:16but he has also had the 1-4-7 break record.
00:56:20Taking up two spots for himself in the finals.
00:56:24Effectively, he now has a buy-in past the quarterfinal stage,
00:56:28as he can't play against himself.
00:56:30All he has to do is show up to take the W.
00:56:35Here he comes.
00:56:38This is completely unprecedented, folks.
00:56:51The crowd here at the snooker zone are letting him know what they really think of him.
00:57:03What are you all on about?
00:57:05I haven't gone out before, yeah?
00:57:06You know I've got the 1-4-7 lockdown.
00:57:09Yeah?
00:57:13I don't even need to be here today.
00:57:15This is weird.
00:57:16I don't need to be here today, but you know I'm sailing through this.
00:57:20Sailing!
00:57:25What's snookerman doing here?
00:57:27He's not meant to be here.
00:57:29Wait, what's that I'm hearing in my earpiece?
00:57:32Snookerman's what?
00:57:34Ladies and gentlemen, last minute rule change.
00:57:37I'm getting told by the organizers that they've decided to let snookerman compete
00:57:41as the second-placed 1-4-7 break record holder.
00:57:47It's on, guys.
00:57:48We have a match on our hands.
00:57:50Let's quickly check on the tournament quarterfinal brackets.
00:57:53Wolfgang, the world's number one ranked player, faces off against Heatseeker.
00:57:58Fishfinger says his work cut out against Colin.
00:58:01Big Boy versus Queenie looks tasty.
00:58:04But let's head straight to Ambassador versus Snookerman.
00:58:08Sponsor versus wildcard.
00:58:10Best of three.
00:58:11Let's go.
00:58:20So
00:58:42Ambassador, playing games with the referee as we kick things off.
00:58:50He breaks.
00:58:57He gets the pot.
00:59:03Racking up a nice break in the first frame.
00:59:14I do not believe he wanted to do that.
00:59:17Snookerman is up.
00:59:20Snookerman is feeling the nerves, too.
00:59:25What a miss.
00:59:26A very cagey start to the game.
00:59:28Who can blame them?
00:59:30Lots on stake here.
00:59:32Ambassador to win the first frame.
00:59:361-0 to Ambassador.
00:59:40Don't worry, Maggie.
00:59:41It's all still to play for.
00:59:44Snookerman to break.
00:59:45Let's see how he does.
00:59:51That's a very unsporting gesture from Ambassador.
00:59:57Seven points with that pot of the black.
00:59:59Right back at him.
01:00:00Let's see how he likes it.
01:00:05Oh, no.
01:00:05He should have been more focused on his game.
01:00:08Ambassador looking for the double on the black to take the second frame.
01:00:12Whoa.
01:00:12He's left an easy pot on for Snookerman.
01:00:17One off.
01:00:18Final frame.
01:00:20Whoever wins this frame passes through to the semifinals.
01:00:24He can get his own chalk this time.
01:00:34He's clearing up.
01:00:39What's Ambassador trying here?
01:00:41No time for trick shots in a game this important.
01:00:45Snookerman's back on the table.
01:00:47Let's see what he's made of.
01:00:50Nice.
01:01:00Boom.
01:01:01Snookerman wins the match.
01:01:03Smashed it.
01:01:05He's punched his ticket into the next round.
01:01:07He's becoming a real fan favorite with the crowd.
01:01:13We didn't even expect to see a match here.
01:01:18What a turn up for the books.
01:01:19You couldn't write it.
01:01:35I smashed it.
01:01:36I smashed it.
01:01:37You saw the way the game flowed.
01:01:40You know what I mean?
01:01:42His true colors came out.
01:01:43The way he got up and stormed out.
01:01:46That is the true ambassador.
01:01:50He's an idiot.
01:01:52He's gone.
01:01:52He's gone.
01:01:53Let's look at the story so far, guys.
01:01:56Wolfgang steamrolled past Heatseeker and faces Colin in the semifinal.
01:02:01And Snookerman meets Queenie, a hot favorite in this tournament.
01:02:06Will we see the rivalry between Snookerman and Wolfgang end in the final?
01:02:11I can't wait.
01:02:13My name is Queenie and I am the champion of Hong Kong of Mini Snooker.
01:02:19Picked up my first cue when I was three years old playing a regular snooker.
01:02:22But I really, really fell in love with Mini Snooker.
01:02:25It's just there's a skill involved in miniature snooker because of the space or the lack of space.
01:02:34And since then, I just play and play snooker every single day.
01:02:37It's my life.
01:02:38I live for it.
01:02:40And I've been training for this ever since I was literally three years old.
01:02:44So yes, of course, I'm going to win today.
01:02:47But I live for it.
01:02:49Man, I'm just, I'm buzzing.
01:02:51I'm buzzing.
01:02:52I can't stop buzzing.
01:02:53I'm just so happy.
01:02:54Like, oh, like, I can't say enough.
01:02:57But all the work, all this, mate, it was draining, draining.
01:03:03You know, I couldn't sleep a lot of the nights and I'm here to win.
01:03:06I'm not messing about.
01:03:07I'm here to take it.
01:03:09I'm here to take the final.
01:03:10So just two more steps.
01:03:13I've just got, I've got the semis next.
01:03:15So I'm aware that there's a new boy in town called Snookerman.
01:03:21And no one's heard about him in Hong Kong before.
01:03:25So I don't really know what he's doing here.
01:03:28If he's only been playing for, I don't know, like, how long he's been here for?
01:03:33Like two months?
01:03:34And I've been here for at least five years.
01:03:38I mean, I guess he's good if he's here, if he's coming in.
01:03:42But he can't be experienced, man.
01:03:46Yeah, I look forward to meeting him, I guess.
01:03:49But hey, you know, I'm all here for a friendly, decent game here.
01:03:52You know what I mean?
01:03:54This is what we're here.
01:03:55We're here to play some good snooker.
01:03:57So bring it on.
01:03:58I'm just looking forward to it.
01:03:59May the best man win.
01:04:02Welcome back, sports fans, to the semi-finals of the World Championships of Miniature Snooker.
01:04:08Let's see how the new fan favorite, Snookerman, did up against the master of the game, Queenie.
01:04:15We have highlights from all the action coming right up.
01:04:19In this best of five, Queenie, looking too cool for school, secured the first frame.
01:04:26But Snookerman made his way back, winning the next three.
01:04:33Let's hear from the loser.
01:04:35Yeah, well done, Snookerman.
01:04:37I think it was a fluke.
01:04:41It's fine, it's fine, it's fine.
01:04:44Okay, done.
01:04:47Colin was also no match for Wolfgang in the semi-finals.
01:04:51Wolfgang versus Snookerman is our grand final.
01:04:55There's something we also need to show you guys.
01:04:58Before Wolfgang walked out for his entrance today, look who came out with him.
01:05:03Barry Keane, a once-trusted business associate of Snookerman.
01:05:08Some would say a close friend, was seen walking out with his arch rival in his win today.
01:05:17What is Barry doing managing Wolfgang?
01:05:19What does this betrayal mean?
01:05:21How could he?
01:05:27Wolfgang, well, Wolfgang is, well, you know, he's a man of the people.
01:05:32He understands the media.
01:05:33He knows what to say and what not to say.
01:05:36So I'd rather go with someone like that.
01:05:39But madame, I don't know what he's playing at.
01:05:42Do you know what?
01:05:43That slug guy's gonna get his little slug nut right off.
01:05:47And he even dresses like a waiter.
01:05:49Look at his waistcoat.
01:05:50I mean, jeez, he looks like he should be more serving cheap plonk or something in Costa del Sol.
01:05:57Snookerman, I hope you're doing well.
01:05:59Looks like Barry has decided to manage a waiter for a change.
01:06:03You may call him a sellout, but he's just buying it.
01:06:06It is now my time to take what I am entitled to, to become the world champion of miniature snooker.
01:06:17So Barry, Barry leaving me to go with Mickey Mouse gang, I mean, Wolfgang.
01:06:23I think he's having a bit of a midlife crisis.
01:06:25I think he's a bit lost.
01:06:27I think he's actually going a little bit doolally, you know.
01:06:31I don't really want to say anything to Johnny Bonner.
01:06:34Nothing at all.
01:06:35He's got nothing to do with me anymore.
01:06:39And I don't want anything to do with him.
01:06:40So, you know, Johnny, you know, good luck, but goodbye.
01:06:45Hi, Johnny.
01:06:46If you're watching this, I hope we're friends still.
01:06:51Because do you know what?
01:06:53It's just horrible without you.
01:06:55And just so you know, whatever happens, I wanted you to win.
01:07:00In fact, I'm just praying for you to win tonight.
01:07:03I just, I just want you to go and smash it, whatever happens between us.
01:07:08I just, part of me just thinks that it's just sad.
01:07:15Even if we've lost our friendship, I hope you go and win that match.
01:07:18All right, smash that guy.
01:07:21Go and smash them all, Johnny.
01:07:22You're the best.
01:07:27Ladies and gentlemen, the time is now.
01:07:31Right here, right now, in that room, in that hall, you're going to see me kick Wolfgang's ass.
01:07:38Snookerman, I hope you're watching this.
01:07:42Look into my eyes.
01:07:45Look at me in the eye.
01:07:46Are you listening to me, Wolfgang?
01:07:49In that hall, I'm going to ruin you.
01:07:52I'm going to ruin you.
01:07:54I'm going to expose you for the absolute Mickey Mouse that you are.
01:07:58The absolute pussycat.
01:07:59You're giving it a rudge.
01:08:01I am going to kill you out there.
01:08:04It's nothing.
01:08:05I know, I know it's all a front.
01:08:08I know that you are just one big fat loser.
01:08:11So get your ass back to Loserville.
01:08:14You look like Rooney O'Sullivan after a crystal meth addiction.
01:08:18You need to switch up this snooker game because it ain't working no more.
01:08:21Because I'm here.
01:08:23You have the acting ability of an amateur porn star.
01:08:27The snooker playing ability of a disabled.
01:08:30I'm here and I'm going to ruin you.
01:08:33I'm going to punish you so bad.
01:08:35So bad.
01:08:36I am going to wipe the floor with you in the finals.
01:08:40Take yourself and the Mickey Mouse gang.
01:08:44Just pack up and leave.
01:08:45Get the hell out of here.
01:08:46You will suffer.
01:08:48You will suffer.
01:08:49Well, I'll tell you what, man.
01:08:51Get your stuff and get out of here.
01:08:54Because I'm going to ruin you.
01:08:56I'm going to ruin you, mate.
01:08:59Fuck you, snooker man.
01:09:00Eat shit and die.
01:09:03It's the moment you've all been salivating for.
01:09:06The grand final of the world championships of miniature snooker.
01:09:11Winner takes all.
01:09:12The battle of the ages.
01:09:15Defending champion Wolfgang takes on a new upstart in this industry, snooker man.
01:09:22Let's look at the tale of the tape.
01:09:24Wolfgang far outclasses snooker man in every department.
01:09:28But I wouldn't rule him out.
01:09:30Snooker man has overcome every obstacle Wolfgang has thrown his way.
01:09:34Is this going to be the greatest upset of all time?
01:09:38Let's go.
01:09:40A somber walk in from snooker man.
01:09:45He's taking this moment in.
01:09:47He's come so far.
01:10:03Here he comes.
01:10:04The reigning defending champion with his manager.
01:10:07Wolfgang!
01:10:09The crowd has a very clear favorite.
01:10:15Breathe in.
01:10:16Breathe in, baby.
01:10:21It's the Wolfman.
01:10:23Show some respect.
01:10:30I don't know about everyone at home, but the hairs on my neck are standing up.
01:10:38This spooky ominous mask being brought out by Barry there.
01:10:44Double pot from snooker man on the break.
01:10:49What a miss.
01:10:51Wolfgang takes advantage.
01:10:57Really taking his time around the table here.
01:11:14Wolfgang lines up his shot.
01:11:33Wolfgang takes the lead in the grand final.
01:11:44God only knows what's going through the mind of snooker man now.
01:11:51Can he compose himself?
01:11:53Bang!
01:11:53Plonk!
01:11:54Poof!
01:11:55Splashdown!
01:11:55Bazinga!
01:11:57Snooker man has pulled it back and Wolfgang isn't liking that one bit.
01:12:02The contrast in reaction from the keen family tells you everything you need to know.
01:12:08Wolfgang restores his lead.
01:12:10A double thumbs up from Barry to his client.
01:12:132-1.
01:12:26Here we go.
01:12:27Snooker man matches his nemesis.
01:12:30Two all.
01:12:35Oh my god, guys.
01:12:36They're both neck and neck on three a piece.
01:12:39It's come down to the final frame.
01:12:41My heart is in my mouth.
01:12:44They think it's all over.
01:12:48Wolfgang's on championship point.
01:12:51He's surely won this.
01:12:52She can't watch, nor can I.
01:12:58He's taken it.
01:13:00Wolfgang is your world champion.
01:13:02What a tournament.
01:13:03Commiserations to snooker man.
01:13:14He put up a great fight and should be proud.
01:13:20Wait, what is the referee taking an interest in?
01:13:24He's seen something?
01:13:25Yes.
01:13:25There's been a fall of the projector.
01:13:28What do you mean?
01:13:28It's not over yet.
01:13:30The ref is calling for VAR.
01:13:33The video assistant referee has pulled this up.
01:13:37He double tapped the white.
01:13:39That's a foul.
01:13:40Snooker man has a chance to win.
01:13:45Yes, yes.
01:13:53The black will be re-spotted.
01:13:55If he can pop this, he's won.
01:13:58This is the biggest moment of his life.
01:14:01Do or die, snooker man.
01:14:03You can do it.
01:14:04We all believe in you.
01:14:08Yes, he's done it.
01:14:10Well done, champ.
01:14:11You deserve it.
01:14:13Why is Wolfgang harassing the referee?
01:14:15He lost fair and square.
01:14:18What chaos.
01:14:21And now he's grabbing his manager.
01:14:22Do something.
01:14:23You're my bloody manager.
01:14:25Do something.
01:14:26Hey, go.
01:14:34You okay?
01:14:34Pow, a punch to the face.
01:14:37He really deserved that.
01:14:46And this love story comes to an end.
01:14:50I think snooker man needs to work on his kissing action.
01:14:53They look like a couple of wet kippers.
01:15:03As the trophy gets presented to the champ,
01:15:17I want to thank you all for being a part of this broadcast.
01:15:21Yes.
01:15:24I hope you all join us again next year.
01:15:26Have a great evening, all.
01:15:28Well done, snooker man.
01:15:33Thank you.
01:16:03That applies for my own job.
01:16:04After reading Del's ad, I'm not bronca.
01:16:06I'm no git.
01:16:07A million air, yeah, I predict.
01:16:10Hey, Cassandra, I'm in love.
01:16:11I really didn't write my name on my coat.
01:16:14I promise you, I'm not 14.
01:16:16Hey, please don't laugh.
01:16:17Don't be mean.
01:16:18I just don't wanna be a pangwangjangja.
01:16:23Time for me to get myself a brand new car.
01:16:27I just don't wanna be a pangwangjangja.
01:16:31Time for me to make another piece of art, art.
01:16:45I found a watch missing for 300 years.
01:16:49A watch that tells you where you are, anywhere in the world.
01:16:53We'll get it auctioned.
01:16:56Who knows?
01:16:57Maybe we can sell it for 10, 15, 20 grand.
01:17:02I just don't wanna be a pangwangjangja.
01:17:06Time for me to get Del Boy a brand new car.
01:17:11I just don't wanna be a pangwangjangja.
01:17:15Time for me to make another cornflakes art, art.
01:17:26I just don't wanna be a pangwangjangja.
01:17:46Let me introduce you to a man.
01:17:50You've probably heard his name.
01:17:57World champion, the very best.
01:18:05His opponent should be scared.
01:18:11The ladies want him.
01:18:13The gentlemen want to be him.
01:18:17He says no comment.
01:18:20The game has begun.
01:18:22One winner and they will be him.
01:18:24He says no comment.
01:18:26And nobody can destroy the empire he's built.
01:18:32There's no comment.
01:18:34There's no comment.
01:18:36There's no comment.
01:18:38There's no comment.
01:18:40There's no comment.
01:18:49Great player and a great lover.
01:18:59There is nothing he does wrong.
01:19:05He does it all like no other.
01:19:13He is taking over the world.
01:19:19The ladies want him.
01:19:21The gentlemen want to be him.
01:19:25He says no comment.
01:19:27The game has begun.
01:19:29One winner and they will be him.
01:19:31He says no comment.
01:19:33And nobody can destroy the empire he's built.
01:19:39There's no comment.
01:19:41There's no comment.
01:19:43There's no comment.
01:19:45There's no comment.
01:19:47There's no comment.
01:19:49There's no comment.
01:19:51You won't see his next move coming.
01:19:55In a second only a club ball left.
01:19:59And all of his lovers keep coming.
01:20:01But cause his name they can't forget.
01:20:05He says no comment.
01:20:07The game has begun.
01:20:09One winner and they will be him.
01:20:11He says no comment.
01:20:13And nobody can destroy the empire he's built.
01:20:19There's no comment.
01:20:21There's no comment.
01:20:23There's no comment.
01:20:25There's no comment.
01:20:27There's no comment.
01:20:29There's no comment.
01:20:31There's no comment.