Chalky White hands out money to Daily Globe readers who identify him in the street and whilst idiotic Paul pursues several people who are not Chalky, Barry meets the man himself, claims his cash prize and agrees to take over Chalky's job from him. Of course nobody has told Paul, who pursues the retired Chalky to Spain, where Barry dispenses a five pound note to a lucky Spaniard.
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TVTranscript
00:00You
00:30To the region
00:49Hey Barry listen to this
00:52Every day the Daily Globe will publish a rhyme a clue to Chalky White's whereabouts
00:59Chalky white who's he then? Well, nobody knows. Well, what's he look like? Nobody knows could be anybody
01:04I've got an idea. We could look him up in the phone book. Good. I don't be silly
01:09He'll not be in the phone book. Isn't he on the phone then? Oh Chalky white isn't his real name. Oh
01:15Isn't it? No, no
01:16No
01:17He's some juice employed by the globe to walk around all day if anybody recognize him they go with a copy of the paper and
01:22It gives them five pounds brilliant. What's the clue then?
01:25Well, have a look. I've clocked you Chalky fair and square now punch my ticket. I've paid my fare
01:33The globe has trained you but you fail
01:36I've tracked you down at British Rail
01:40So, where do you think he is then Paul? It's obvious, isn't it? Where is that the dog pounds? Come on
01:45Excuse me, madam. Do you recognize me at all? It's all right. It's me Chalky white from the game
02:15Told you
02:19The globe has trained you but you fail I tracked you down at British Rail, it's a possibility I suppose
02:32Well, I can't see him
02:34Well, he said in the paper. He'd be wearing the disguise
02:37Excuse me. I couldn't help overhearing. Are you looking for someone? Oh, yes
02:42No, it's all right, we're not looking for anyone. Thank you, but I thought we were
02:46Everybody we know we're looking for Chalky
02:48Excuse me. Did you say talking areas? We're over there by the ticket barrier. Come on
02:58That's him that's Chalky white, how could you tell punch my ticket that's what it says on the rhyme
03:03Oh, look, he just looked at his watch. I've clocked you Chalky fair and square. We've clocked him now. Come on
03:09Let's go
03:40Oh
03:43Got the paper it's arrived. Right. What's he say then? I'll have a look
03:50Despite the cap you've never looked finer. It's Chalky white my dear old China. What do you think?
03:57Cap China, of course the art gallery
04:09I
04:31Think that's it Ben. Well, he definitely wasn't in the art gallery
04:34It says here
04:37Despite the cap you've never looked finer. It's Chalky white. My dear old China. Well, it is a China shop
04:43How he's wearing the cap?
04:47Despite the cap you've never looked finer. It's Chalky white my dear old China
04:56Despite the cap you've never looked finer. It's Chalky white my dear old China
05:00Despite the cap, you've never looked finer, it's chalky white, my dear old China.
05:07Despite the cap, you've never looked finer, it's chalky white, my dear old China.
05:13Oh dear, he's wearing earmuffs.
05:17Despite...
05:20Sorry, we thought you were someone else.
05:30Oh, what's it say today then?
05:32Let's have a look then.
05:36Here we are.
05:38It says, sweetness and light, that's chalky white.
05:41Today I anoint you with angel's delight.
05:44Mmm.
05:45Hey, we don't want any slip-ups today now, Pope.
05:47You're right, I'll take charge.
06:00To adore Him, ye behold Him, face to face.
06:09Sun and moon bow down before Him, dwellers for Him, time and space.
06:21Praise Him, praise Him, praise Him, praise Him, praise Him, just the Word, my friend.
06:36Are you sure you know what you're doing?
06:38Of course, it said in the paper, we've got to anoint him with angel's delight.
06:42But he's the vicar.
06:43No, he's chalky white, I know what I'm doing.
06:47Brethren, we are gathered here today to remember one of the great biblical figures, Noah.
06:53Who once said...
06:54Sweetness and light, that's chalky white.
06:56Today I anoint you with angel's delight.
07:01Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
07:17Hello.
07:18Hello.
07:19Hello.
07:20Hello.
07:21I'm really fed up now, Pope.
07:23Shh, I'm concentrating.
07:25Well, three days we've been at this now, not a sight, no sound of him.
07:28I don't think he really exists, I think it's all a big con.
07:31Of course he exists.
07:32There's a picture here of yesterday's winner.
07:34It says, chalky white was in the high street yesterday, dressed as an old man.
07:38Well, we were in the high street.
07:40I know.
07:41We were probably as close to church as we were to church.
07:44I know.
07:45We were probably as close to chalky as you are to him.
07:48No, if we were that close we would have spotted him.
07:50Well, he'll not get past us again.
07:52In this picture you can clearly see that chalky's got a gold ring on his right hand.
07:56Oh dear, so now we've got to look for a gold ring then?
07:58No need.
07:59Hold that.
08:02I've just perfected my chuckle gold detector.
08:05Really? How does it work?
08:06Well, whenever it gets near gold, the light flashes and it makes a noise.
08:09Come on, let's go and try it out.
08:11No, I'm staying here, I'm fed up.
08:13Don't worry about it yourself, I'll go on my own.
08:16Sorry about that.
08:18Musician are we?
08:19No, no, not me.
08:20Oh, going to a fancy dress party?
08:22Well, you've got a lovely day for it.
08:24I'll see you back at the house.
08:25OK.
08:26After I've won me fiver, I'm going down the shopping precinct.
08:32Excuse me, don't I know you from somewhere?
08:34Yes, yes you might do.
08:36I seem to connect you with the railway station.
08:38Yes, yes.
08:39Of course, it's Thomas the Tank Engine.
08:42No, I'm in the paper.
08:44Are you?
08:46Are you amateur golfer, scores hole in one?
08:49No.
08:50Are you skydiving granny has lucky escape?
08:53No, page 18.
08:55Oh, page 18.
09:00You're not, are you?
09:01Yes, yes.
09:02Sail now on at MFI?
09:04No, at the bottom, the bottom.
09:08Chalky White?
09:10You're Chalky White.
09:12Yes, yes at last.
09:14Sweetness and light, that's Chalky White.
09:16Today I anoint you with angels delight.
09:18You found me, sir.
09:19You're not a skiver on behalf of the globe.
09:21Here's your fiver.
09:22Thank you very much.
09:41Yes.
09:43Now to find Chalky White.
09:46Hey, I can't wait to tell Paul.
09:48Just imagine me spotting Chalky White.
09:50It must be great having a job like yours.
09:52What, you think it's good giving all this money away?
09:54I'm telling you, I'm fed up with it.
09:56Are you?
09:57I thought it must be really rewarding
09:58making all those people happy.
09:59Yeah, but it makes me miserable.
10:01I've not had a holiday for three years.
10:03Oh dear, that's terrible.
10:05It's terrible.
10:07I've not had a holiday for three years.
10:09Oh dear, that's terrible.
10:10Yeah, and I'm booked to go tomorrow
10:12and I can't go because I've got to work.
10:14Tell you what, how about if I take over for you?
10:17Would you?
10:18Yeah, I'd love to be Chalky White.
10:20Oh, it's a deal.
10:21Great.
10:22Meet me at the newspaper office tomorrow morning for your costume.
10:24What do I have to do?
10:25Well, what you have...
10:26I told you what, you can have a go now.
10:28Can I?
10:29Excellent.
10:30Well, try this costume
10:31and I'm sorry the wings and the halo are a bit grubby.
10:33I've been wearing it years.
10:34Oh, that's no problem.
10:35A lick of paint will soon sort that out.
10:37Oh, great.
10:43Sweetness and light, you're Chalky White.
10:45Today I anoint you with angels' delight.
10:48Hey, come here.
10:49Come here, I want my five pounds.
10:50Oi, oi.
11:06I know you're there, Chalky.
11:08Sweetness and light is your angels' delight.
11:36Thank you.
11:49Oh, dear.
11:51Oh, dear.
11:53Hello?
11:54Is anybody there?
11:55Who said that?
11:56Can't you see me?
11:57No, can't you see me?
11:59No, I've got this helmet stuck on me head.
12:01Oh, dear.
12:02Had an accident then?
12:03Yes.
12:04All me brother's fault.
12:05I wanted him to help me,
12:06but no, he wasn't bothered.
12:08I know exactly what you mean.
12:10My brother's useless as well.
12:11You're better off without him, I say.
12:13My brother never lifts a finger.
12:15I have to do everything.
12:16My brother's just the same.
12:18I mean, I have all these brilliant ideas,
12:20but is he interested?
12:21Really?
12:22Yes.
12:23I mean, last week I came up with this brilliant idea
12:25of an automatic lawnmower.
12:27But was he interested?
12:28No.
12:29Lawnmower?
12:30Did that involve him being strapped to a skateboard
12:33and being pushed round the garden with a pair of scissors?
12:35Hey, that's right, yeah.
12:37And then there was the time I turned his record player into a potter's wheel.
12:40Ruining his Betty Boo record in the process.
12:42That's right, but was he grateful?
12:44Of course, I'm the brains of the outfit, you know.
12:47Always have been.
12:48Always will be.
12:49So, what have you been doing today, then?
12:51Well, I've been looking for that Chalky White,
12:53you know, out the globe.
12:54Good grief.
12:55I've just seen him outside.
12:57Eh? Where?
12:58Well, he did say something about going to Scotland tonight.
13:02Scotland?
13:03Tonight?
13:04I've got to get him!
13:05Chalky!
13:06Chalky!
13:07Chalky!
13:08Chalky White!
13:09Chalky!
13:15Morning, Barry.
13:16What do you think of our flying man costume?
13:18Well, I usually take a 28, but it's not bad.
13:20Oh, well, don't get in a flap over it.
13:23Right.
13:24You do know what to do.
13:25Oh, yes.
13:26I'd better be off now, then.
13:27Best of luck.
13:28I'll see you in two weeks.
13:30Have a nice...
13:32night.
13:39Hey, Paul, where have you been?
13:41You've not been home all night.
13:42I've got to find him.
13:43I've got to find Chalky White.
13:45Hey, I've got some really interesting news.
13:47I've got a new job.
13:48I nearly caught him last night.
13:49He was playing the bagpipes in Glasgow.
13:51Yeah, that's what I'm trying to tell you.
13:52I've got a new job.
13:53I'll catch him this time, though.
13:54They've printed his picture in the paper,
13:56handing over yesterday's prize.
13:57Yes, but Paul...
13:58Now all I've got to do is to wait for him to come out,
14:00look at his face and follow him.
14:01I know, but...
14:02Excuse me, excuse me.
14:05Hey, that's him.
14:06That's Chalky White.
14:07Yes, but Paul, I...
14:08Come on, he's getting in that taxi.
14:09We've got to follow him.
14:11Oh, dear.
14:30Hurry, sir, you're the last one on.
14:45Here's your boarding pass.
14:46Have a good flight.
14:49Just a minute.
14:50Just a minute.
14:51Where do you think you're going?
14:52We're following that man.
14:53May I see your ticket, sir?
14:54I haven't got a ticket.
14:55I see.
14:56But I'll buy one.
14:57How much?
14:58Hang on, now.
14:59You're not going anywhere
15:00until you've got a cage for that buzzard.
15:04That thing.
15:06That's not a buzzard.
15:07That's me brother.
15:08Oh, come along now, sir.
15:09Let's not play games.
15:11You see, we can't have that thing
15:13flapping around loose at 30,000 feet.
15:15There's the other passengers to consider.
15:17It'll have to travel in the cargo hold.
15:19I don't want to travel in the cargo hold.
15:21I want to go in the cabin with you, Paul.
15:23That's amazing.
15:25A talking buzzard.
15:26I've never seen anything like that.
15:28Wait here.
15:29Just wait here.
15:30My boss would love to see this.
15:34Hey!
15:35He thinks I'm a bird.
15:37Never mind about that.
15:38Get in these cases.
15:44Paul, there's something you ought to know.
15:46Just shut up and get in.
15:54It's amazing, I tell you.
15:56Five and a half feet tall with large wings.
15:58A talking buzzard.
15:59Can you believe it?
16:02Oh.
16:03Well, it was here.
16:07But he was here.
16:11I'm sure he was here.
16:15At least, I think he was.
16:27Oh.
16:50Fantastic.
16:52I think I'll go for a swim.
16:53Now, where's my trunk?
16:55Oh, I've been looking forward to this for three years.
16:58No more walking the streets, no more silly costume,
17:01no more giving money away.
17:04A complete break from Chalky White for two solid weeks.
17:16Chalky's flying high today with cardboard wings to fly away.
17:20His elastic band will give a twang
17:22and he'll fall to earth with a loud bang.
17:24What are you doing here?
17:25We've been following you, Chalky, haven't we, Barry?
17:28Barry?
17:29So you think I'm Chalky White?
17:31We know you are, don't we, Barry?
17:33Barry?
17:36Barry?
17:39Hi!
17:42It's Chalky White from England.
17:46Chalky's flying high today with cardboard wings to fly away.
17:56His elastic band will give a twang
17:59and he'll fall to earth with a loud bang.
18:02You've found me, sir. You're not a skiver.
18:04On behalf of the globe, here's a fiver.
18:12Ciao.
18:13Just a minute. You're Chalky White?
18:16Yeah, I tried to tell you. I was helping out my friend here.
18:19He took over from me yesterday so I could have a break.
18:22So it's all been a waste of time, then?
18:24Well, at least we can have a proper holiday now.
18:26Yeah, I suppose so.
18:28Just think, a nice relaxing fortnight in the sun.
18:31Great.
18:38I thought this was supposed to be a nice relaxing holiday.
18:40It's not my fault they keep recognising me.
18:42Oh, no! Here they come again!
18:44Chalky, Chalky, Chalky!
18:48Ch-Ch-Chalkovision! Ch-Chalkovision! Ch-Ch-Chalkovision!
19:02Ch-Ch-Chalkovision! Ch-Chalkovision!
19:12Ch-Ch-Chalkovision! Ch-Chalkovision! Ch-Ch-Chalkovision!