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00:00Hello everybody, welcome back to the channel, my name's Kevin, I'm a Geek, you're watching
00:18Kevin the Geek and welcome back is very apt for this video and I hope you guys haven't
00:24missed me too much but yes, this is the day I have returned from my holiday and you might
00:32be looking and thinking, hang on he's not very tanned is he for having been away for
00:36nearly two weeks, that's because I'm recording this before I go away because yeah, my flight
00:45basically, this video would be going live around about the sort of five o'clock in the
00:51evening sort of time frame as is my usual thing with my weekday videos but I would be getting
00:57back literally like stupidly early hours of Thursday morning so I'm not planning on literally
01:05getting home, recording this straight away and editing it and exporting it and uploading it
01:13just to get out for five o'clock so that would be madness on my part and I don't know how many of
01:18my videos towards, well basically between now and the end of the month I'm going to be pre-recording
01:24before I go, it's possible that I may do all of June's and then from basically like July onwards
01:31that's when I do all the ones that after I've gone away, I don't know because like I said I'm
01:35trying to work it all out but hey, that's by the by, I'm sure I've had an amazing holiday as I can
01:40see into the future but this video here today is an Idiot Abroad series one episode eight, otherwise
01:47known as Carl Comes Home which I thought was very apt for the day that I come home from my holiday
01:55I don't know anything about this episode I have made my theories and my predictions about what
02:00the episode might be but hey I'm gonna find out right now, please subscribe if you're new
02:06please do drop me comments down below but let's check out Carl Comes Home
02:11What's this in the Guardian? Guardian guide, pick of the day
02:16all right well pick of the day this this will be a good review then
02:21I can see you're this ball aching and really dull series
02:27have you ever, has your balls ever ached? Have you ever watched a program and gone
02:31don't know if I'm enjoying this but my balls are aching, this is the dullest thing
02:35oh hang on it doesn't I don't know what that means his balls are aching because the series is that
02:40dull if tv that it doesn't like makes his balls why is it why don't you turn it off quicker
02:46you must get a twinge and go oh
02:52the seven wonders of the world okay Christ um yeah I uh I can't say that my balls have ached
03:01um I mean they've tightened a couple of times with some of the pain that Carl has endured you
03:06know at different times but in reality no I've just found it absolutely hilarious
03:16it's hard to let people know how bad it is oh Jesus
03:22I was ill fed up want to go home tired and didn't like where I was
03:27Carl where are you going no I'm not staying in that room what's it about
03:34the stuff that these eyes have seen
03:39oh for fuck's sake there we go that's my uh copyright options getting blocked
03:49your body's in proper shock I don't like having danger in my life
03:54Georgia why you were giving this all this shit excuse me guy one that's
03:58who we're giving all this shit too if I had a bad heart that could have done me in
04:06not doing any any more anyway it's the end of it just let me go Jesus Christ
04:15all right here we go Carl comes home hello and welcome to episode eight of an idiot abroad
04:21with me Ricky Gervais Stephen Merchant hello and the eponymous hero
04:27Carl Pilkington all right I suppose this is a roundup in a way we've watched the series we've
04:34laughed we've cried we've got angry I've got bored as well but welcome back Carl because
04:42you know it's quite an adventure
04:43and you can see it for miles goes on for miles over the hills and everything but so does the m6
04:57that was one of my best lines in the show honestly I love that one you know like a
05:01diamond in a turd oh yeah the pizza shitty old nappy whizzing through the air
05:14uh the stuff that these eyes I've seen right they'll remember it well it's funny you should
05:20say about your eyes because I've been consulting your diary here so the other reason I'm finding
05:29an idiot abroad the travel diaries of Carl Pilkington oh is that would anyone recommend
05:36has anyone read that and would anyone recommend that I read it let me know relax is that there
05:41always seems to be something going on something to take in I think I've blinked less since I've
05:45been here as I don't want to miss anything so my eyes have been open longer than normal
05:49maybe that's why my eyes are so tired when I was there I was using my eyes more when I'm here
05:53sometimes I don't know what they're doing
05:57are you with me no what do you mean life here can be quite boring for your eyes sometimes driving
06:04I get to some place and I go how did I get here and it's because you're not really looking where
06:09you're going while driving no it's only the little odd things in life that makes your eyes sort of go
06:14oh well there's been a lot of things isn't there food you've I you know what I'm actually I didn't
06:19didn't think I'd say this but I'm actually going to kind of agree with Carl briefly on on that point
06:24because I do drive in as a job currently um and um basically um a lot of of the time
06:35I'm going to be traveling down the motorway so on an average five day week you know I could easily
06:42say I could be going down like the m11 the m1 the m6 something like that um and often for like what
06:4940 50 60 miles before I have to turn off and okay yeah I'll have to move into different lanes and
06:55stuff like that but with all the modern cars a lot of them I'm just literally a whack on cruise control
07:02I will play an audio book or a podcast or play a bit of music or whatever and I'm I'm paying
07:09attention to the road but I'm not paying attention to the road if that makes sense like it could be
07:16literally oh my god I've literally traveled 40 miles like where has the time gone look so I I do
07:24kind of get what Carl is saying with that one that that's the I didn't think I'd say
07:30and it's because you're not really looking where you're going while driving no it's only the little
07:35odd things in life that makes your eyes sort of go oh well there's been a lot of things hasn't
07:39there food you've seen some pretty grotesque things like that fellow there who was your
07:43driver in China oh man this is incredible oh yeah look at this lot thank you here you go
07:52he's all right what's he having over there
07:57good jesus does he know it's not all in one piece that noodle
08:03are we in a race I didn't realize I mean what why is he in a hurry I'm in his van should I be
08:11getting a move on he's meant to be giving me a lift
08:16the suction on that it's just one minute it's there it's like opening an airplane window
08:29that's it he's eating it I've hardly touched this
08:33what's he got now oh is this like the frogs or something what is that oh no the chicken feet
08:41you don't pick a food by what sort of feet it's got just just have chicken if he wants chicken
08:47we're paying he could have had anything he wanted he's spitting it out now he's just
08:51spitting his nails out by those things no thanks you're all right I don't mind he's been munching
08:56like mintos in the van he's never offered me one of them it gets the chicken feet suddenly he's
09:00keen for me he's just spitting stuff out he's chewing on it he's spitting on it I can't eat this
09:06I can't eat this
09:18nearly a year ago you're not having pudding are you
09:21I'm with you on that there's there's no reason to eat like that I don't think you'll ever hear
09:25of a Chinese man who starved to death there's no reason to street food out there I thought street
09:32food meant you know you have chefs on the street cooking food they don't they don't mean that it's
09:36street food whatever's crawling about they grab and eat yeah honestly are they dead they totes
09:43honest to god that market I thought it was a myth all that before I went I thought they don't eat
09:48weird stuff like that because there's no need there's loads of stuff in the world you don't
09:52have to get to that level yet I think even in lost that program they didn't even get to insects
09:58and coconuts at no point do you see one going off to eat a squid a lizard hey it never happened
10:06yeah there they just I'll have that not a problem just just shoving them in the face
10:10I mean I don't think they do I'm a celebrity get me out of there in in China
10:15it's the problem is lovely all you can eat buffet
10:17not a problem for them
10:18oh the spin oh that thing on the bus when they're all going
10:30it's disgusting doesn't matter where you're from I don't know what you have to do over there to
10:35offend someone just farting burping spitting that driver he farted three times one morning
10:42no one's ever went oh I had a laugh about it you dirty sod nothing just carried on
10:47but that's the way they are in a way are they right is that the way we should live I don't know
10:55it's a good question because I honestly like my mum she's she's notorious for being one of these
11:00if you burp you fart in front of her she's like oh you dirty animal and I'm like it's only nature
11:09so I don't know yeah there's there's I think in the western world there's stuff like like with
11:16etiquette that we we think of ourselves on that in other parts of the world would be second nature
11:24to them and it is strange that oh I think it's strange and it's not strange that we have these
11:32differences of opinions you know hey but that's culture and that's why I like culture
11:39noise has been a big thing on the whole trip um look here you're complaining about all the noise
11:46in brazil my ears just haven't stopped since they've been here they've been overworked with
11:51constant you know drums singing whistles chanting dogs
12:01helicopters gays
12:05gaze for your ego gaze wow be on that list but the one I met here just wouldn't shut up
12:11now I went to brazil during carnival time I had a whale of a time I really enjoyed myself great
12:17it's lively it's vibrant loads going on people are in good spirits color energy you nothing
12:23but whinging no because I don't like you know the carnival and the block parties it's all
12:29parties for me I've never liked them anyway I've never really had them I've never had a
12:33birthday party um I just when I see them you know like that advert for Iceland
12:39Iceland supermarket yeah you see Kerry Katona and Christopher Biggins have a volleyball
12:47I don't look at that and go that looks like good good night no but you're meant to aren't you
12:52it's meant to give you a good feeling Iceland supermarket look at the fun you can have with
12:55the food I don't know where that party would be happening but I don't look at it and go I'd love
13:00to be there and it was the same in Brazil I don't like false fun that's what it is false fun
13:08come around Thursday come around and have a drink and a chat I don't know how I feel on Thursday
13:13but you'd never get anything done if you didn't have a bit of planning no because you just um you
13:17go with it it's good because you could go up to somebody and go fancy coming around tonight I've
13:23got some beers in have a chat I wish you'd have said I'm going to a party no you're not no you're
13:28not because there isn't such thing as planning I'm just in the mood I'm walking down the street
13:32okay I'll see you yeah fancy coming around tonight no I need more notice than that really
13:41why I left a chicken out it's it goes off okay I'm gonna go along all right Steve you coming
13:47around tonight he's having chicken with me well no I didn't know that because we hadn't arranged
13:51that yeah I'm sorry yeah I can't eat a whole chicken do you want a chicken okay and there you
13:58go you see so my night is better than yours I'm eating your chicken there's no planning going on
14:04and I'm getting a free night of chicken what there you go now imagine if on the Wednesday before
14:11you went what day is it now what day was today Tuesday so Tuesday we're all walking down the
14:17street I always get emails from people going are you coming out next week I don't know
14:21I don't know he gets emails like it
14:29hello I'm Mr. Ashik Ashik nice to meet you Carlitos
14:37all right didn't wave back so that's they don't know what that means or they hate me already I
14:42don't know he reminded me of Bill Odie just looking at him thinking I haven't seen the goodies for ages
14:56and then the other Baba look like Jim Morrison
15:12um
15:19I've still completely forgotten about that I know at least you only watched
15:22that like a month or two ago oh my god
15:30oh god there's so so much stuff in the show that I've just completely forgotten about over this last
15:37you know almost a year since I first started watching this show
15:41but as soon as I see it it comes flooding straight back
15:44I don't do that I've always said you only need seven mates to get you through life that's it
15:49that's why you know I mentioned Snow White with the midgets she had a more covered
15:53seven mates to get you through life that's it that's why you know I mentioned Snow White with
15:57the midgets she had them all covered in seven same thing again with friends I don't want a lot
16:02of interesting characters tell us about your favorites who are the ones that stick in the
16:06mind what about Celso in Brazil
16:14my ghost walking in when he passes each one he passes goes oh
16:23I'm not religious but yeah someone um told me recently that Kelso passed away last year
16:31uh which is sad uh but I did say uh in the responding to your comments video that it's
16:37um at the start of the month uh you know from what you know tiny glimpse we saw into Kelso's life
16:44in this uh in this episode you know he lived life to the max and just had
16:56you know just the most amazing fun and it is sad that Kelso passed away um but yeah I'm sure
17:05that you know if if if he could look back on his life and he's knowing he's about to lie
17:12die you know he could think I have led a very fulfilling life I've enjoyed myself I've brought
17:20joy to other people I mean I could be completely wrong then I hope I don't I've not offended
17:25any relatives of Kelso there who or friends that knew him much better than I ever would have done
17:31so I apologize if I did you know with my thoughts there but you I think you I hope you get what I'm
17:36saying there I thought he was all right Celso how do I look you know it's a different sort of mate
17:42what was your first thought when he walks out looking like that
17:48oh jesus what was that it's just weird it's like you've had
17:52Wurzel Gummidge sort of change the head change the heads it's a little bit freaky
17:58why are you referring to Wurzel Gummidge why do you make no effort to try and speak to people
18:03in terms they might understand what's the chances of him fell in Brazil knowing who
18:06Wurzel Gummidge is I mean I don't know there's people watching this who won't remember who
18:09Wurzel Gummidge is he just seemed very sort of well well into the arts and it's his mates as
18:19well
18:25I've never sort of met a gay man so gay it was just that voice that sort of over the top
18:32nice enough but I can't see us getting on long term no do you know what it's not for everyone
18:39gay because I don't know what I'd do well if you're gay you'll be loving it won't you I wouldn't
18:44yeah I don't think I'm suited to it why just the lifestyle what do you mean parties and stuff
18:51because the lifestyle the way they they walk about over there showing off being quite okay
18:55you wake up gay tomorrow what's the first thing you do do you get a boyfriend or do you play the
19:03field I think you play the field yeah you're gonna talk are you gonna talk the same yeah maybe in
19:09time I suppose things rub off if I'm knocking about with John Inmans of the world I'm probably
19:13gonna start maybe they're a little sort of uh give me something to say uh oh hello I haven't seen
19:20you for ages all right so it'd be a bit different maybe they oh hello right okay it'd be little
19:27things like that and people would suddenly go you met Carl recently sounds different so you go you
19:31go home you go home you go go your dad goes all right so how's it going been doing any DIY recently
19:36hello dad I am I've been there for a bit
19:40oh wait what am I for Carl how's Suzanne uh I'm not with her anymore
19:49this is pointless because it's not the life I would choose okay but you've woken up gay
19:56but I wouldn't I wouldn't believe it then I just go I feel a bit happier today don't know why
20:01but then you start going oh you go down you buy a gay magazine you're flicking through
20:05you're looking at more cock than you've ever seen before in your life and you're loving it
20:09you look down so much happened what do you do next I just wouldn't look at that magazine again
20:15no you're loving it you go oh I can't believe I haven't seen this magazine before
20:19I've seen knobs before have you where you've seen knobs all the time where in gyms and that
20:26and don't say you don't look because you do when you're in a gym because it's there
20:31what is don't look if you're going like that that's that's more of a worry if you're not
20:34happy looking a knob in the face there's something wrong you should be comfortable with
20:57oh my god oh god oh god you're literally crying you're making me
21:05oh if you're not happy looking at knobs in the face oh god oh my word oh my word
21:15carl said some insane stuff over this dude's last things oh that takes a cake because it's there
21:21what is don't look if you're going like that that's that's more of a worry if you're not
21:24happy looking a knob in the face there's something wrong you should be comfortable with it just just
21:35so you have always been a big fan of what society would generally term freaks you know one of your
21:41your favorite movies is the elephant man which is why we were very excited when we sent you to
21:46see the elephant babba see this is why I gave carl a whole heap of respect for how he interacted
21:55with the elephant shoes off down there oh it wasn't as shocking as I thought it would have been
22:03I think the weird thing is with elephant babba is it's different from elephant man because with
22:09elephant man there was a build-up he's walking about with a sack on his head you know what is
22:12under there I mean the first thing I always used to worry about where he got that hat from that
22:17fitting it's a normal cap he had on elephant man who was that made for but then he had the sack
22:23on top as well a little hole and I remember watching it as a kid thinking can I say anything
22:27in the hole and then he takes it off and he's like oh god that's well weird now with elephant babba
22:33it wasn't as weird do you know the elephant man the weirdest bit of it is when he's walking
22:37out with that head but with a suit on yeah because it doesn't match okay but in India
22:42because he's sat there if you went to a tailor and they say have you got anything to go with this
22:46they'd go not really yeah whereas with the fella in India it sort of goes with it goes with it so
22:52it wasn't as shocking sure yeah now there's the one arm babba who the fella who had his arm in
22:58oh yeah that's ridiculous from a distance although it looks friendly it's like he's going like that
23:03like oh here's carl and the camera crew I sit down um two fellas sat next to him
23:09worshipping and they loved him yeah yeah you know I asked all the normal questions what you're
23:14playing at uh why are you doing I asked all the normal questions what you're playing at
23:20I agree though I agree what you're playing at apparently there's other babas with like two arms
23:25one uh one foot in the air really it's mental
23:28it's proper mental but are they standing up or they're laying down with one foot in the air
23:32well I suppose if you knock him over that's it and he's down for good
23:38oh oh yeah oh what are you doing yeah yes what the hell are you doing look a knob in the face
23:48I was happy looking the knob in the face it's what he was doing to it he was just showing you his
23:51trick oh oh but that probably would get him to the final of Britain's Got Talent
23:55Amanda Holden would be a huge fan of that wouldn't she
23:59I mean I'll never forget it he can't with the names the names go with him it's like old-fashioned
24:04names how they say that if you're a baker you'd be known as Mr Baker that's how names caught on
24:09so the fact it's called elephant babba and one-armed babba you don't go who's that one
24:13again I can't quite picture him I don't believe they are called elephant babba and one-armed
24:17babba they are called that when I went around that camp and I was saying to people one-armed
24:22babba knocking about they were going yeah he's three tenths down everyone knew him it was like
24:25a council estate you have nicknames John the Screwabout where's Tattoo Stan it's all the same
24:30thing all these little nicknames yeah now if I said where I don't know his real name but if he
24:35was called I don't know Neil or whatever Neil about Neil what's Neil what's he doing the camp
24:43and he goes you're like elephant elephant babba
24:47so it's convenient
24:51he's so genuine though isn't he there's certain things I've learned
24:55tell us what have you learned I learned that babies in China a lot of them are square heads
25:02hey what right what
25:06can we look at this clip
25:10he's a big lad has he got a square head
25:17I can't tell yeah but why do they have square heads I asked some questions and the main answer
25:27seemed to be so they don't roll out the cot what no way how do they make sure their baby gets a
25:35square head they'd somehow they stick a book to the back of his head when he's born when you're
25:40born you bet your head's soft that's right yeah do you remember a dinner plate to your head when
25:44you were a kid yeah a ladle but I didn't get all the ins and outs and this is what I'm saying
25:50what is that that doesn't stop them rolling out the car if you've got a square head it's not like
25:54they couldn't roll out baby's heads remember your head is quite big as a baby
25:58right the body's the body's sort of like that and his head is trying to roll and it can't because
26:03it's like that and it's attractive apparently do it do it again the baby's in the car like that
26:10I mean I've heard of I think it was Japan maybe that there was a thing I don't know if they still
26:20do it or whichever country it was it may may not be Japan but whichever one it was there was a thing
26:25that I think I remember that they would like wrap babies and children's feet like really tightly to
26:33prevent their feet from going too big I mean I don't know whether that was ever true or not but
26:39I've definitely read that somewhere years ago and it would wanna sort of it's a good girl either
26:46yeah so now do it with this ground how is it stopping it I don't understand so because it's
26:50kind of going you can't roll what shape is a wheel round right some people think you are a
26:57character that we write and direct if we'd created a character as brilliant as this do you think we'd
27:01have flogged it to sky definitely not there's loads of weird good point is I think there's
27:09fish in here that I've read about that are so see-through that they're invisible so I don't
27:14even think they know they exist because other fish don't go up to it and like mate and stuff
27:19I don't know how it works but they just it's like they're not there to us or to them they
27:23might as well not be there it's a really weird I don't know all the facts if you're invisible
27:28you'd eventually get ignored a lot and you'd go well there's no point acknowledging anyone
27:33because no one can see me don't think that's how it works of course it is think if you were
27:40invisible and I walk past you I'm gonna ignore you because I can't see you you can't communicate
27:46because I'd go who was that and eventually you just go I can't be bothered communicating
27:51so you're just there floating about eating so that's probably why they carry on because they
27:56just eat they've got nothing else to do what have they got to do if they could see each other
28:03but you're not going to see them so I can't prove it
28:09there's people out there who said I'm an actor called Graham yeah I wish I was I wish I was
28:14well change your name to Graham and become an actor no because then they go oh we knew that
28:18so the reason you're not changing your name to Graham and becoming an actor is that you don't
28:22want to give idiots the benefit of the doubt well no it's also that thing of remembering that you've
28:27changed your name it's like I told you didn't I when I was a kid and I changed my name to Brett
28:30everyone in the family went along with it and I kept forgetting
28:33they kept shouting me and I was ignoring them the voice isn't working
28:36it's not a holiday I have to keep reminding you it's not a holiday my friend you're making a
28:50travel program for the television I can never enjoy anything can I get out of the dead sea
28:56put some clothes on and do some fucking work
29:00fucking shit I've got a little surprise for you you're spending the night in a cave Carl
29:06what for
29:09it's funny yes it was
29:17I had some sort of new pudding that I've never had before carrots with sort of
29:21milk and sugar on it I enjoyed it I don't know if I'll find it in London
29:24I don't want to watch you eat carrots on the TV
29:28in HD
29:31I reckon I've had about when I was a kid
29:34I am knackered and I don't know how to get that across to them at home that I'm pissed off
29:38Carl this is for my amusement and if you're having a bad time
29:42bumping up and down on a camel with your testicles being battered
29:46that's good entertainment that's what I'm giving back this is what I'm giving back to society
29:51it has been great entertainment and we can't lie no one can lie about that it's been great
29:56yes okay some people may say that it's ball achingly dull
29:59but for most people it's been absolutely hilarious
30:02that's the other thing as well that um people think that you know because
30:07I call you a little round-headed chimp like buffoon moron mank twonk I could go on
30:17some people they mistake that for bullying what would you say about people who say
30:20that me and Steve bully you if they think I am being bullied what are they doing
30:25when they come to me help where's Esther Ransom why hasn't she been on the phone
30:29leave him alone nothing's happened everyone's saying that I've seen that everywhere
30:32Carl's being bullied well first of all I'm nearly 40s don't worry about me
30:36two well if you're worried about it do something
30:39fair point
30:40I've had post delivered to me and because you say Carl Pilkington's got it like a fucking orange
30:45people think they can do it I got some lamps delivered
30:49in a box somebody along the way I don't know who either the bloke who packed them
30:54the courier or I don't know how many people involved in packing lamps and getting them
30:57to me but somebody wrote on the box head like a fucking orange now that shouldn't happen
31:05of course there were a number of instances where we had planned stuff that you were
31:09completely unaware of in fact most of the trip you had very little idea where you were going
31:12to go what was going to happen I think a highlight for both Ricky and I was when we gave you some
31:16very important training in the event that you were captured during the time
31:21oh yes the the the hostage stuff
31:43yeah I think you're out of order
31:44what is going through your head when those guys grabbed you you did not know they were
31:47going to attack you and grab you and drag you in the back of a van
31:52it all went black
31:54um I heard a lot of shouting going on I didn't know what was happening I thought is this it
32:00have I been taken hostage they put me hands behind me back it's put one of those tie things
32:05on it was cutting into me and I'm thinking is this for the program or what because this is proper
32:09it's not it's not a nice thing I've never experienced did you they often say in those
32:16moments where you think maybe your life is going to come to an end that your whole life flashes
32:19before your eyes is that what happened no because I said to you I nothing I had a bag over my head
32:24I couldn't see a thing I've got a minute I'm sorry are you English you English yes talk to me
32:30who are you when you go who are you
32:36you do a posh voice who are you
32:40because it's terrifying that not knowing what's going on
32:44he sent me mobile what mobile what is the number of him I don't know I don't even know my mom and
32:49dad's number maybe this is part of the setup I don't know but my body didn't know because it was
32:56going through the same thing as Terry White would have gone through or whoever else had been tied
33:00to a radiator did you learn anything from that though that was important training to make you
33:11able to cope if such a terrible thing did occur to you if you go to places that you're in danger
33:15of being kidnapped you're meant to have a code word so that when the people who've nicked you
33:22call up the London office yeah they go we've got Ricky Stephen Carly right and the London office
33:28go yeah yeah give us your code word well at the time it was congress tart what how are you going
33:36to slip that into a conversation no you don't slip it in they've got a bag over your head guns to your
33:41head or whatever tell them you've been kidnapped and you go congress tart and they go bloody hell
33:45he's been kidnapped before you know it the a-team's coming in right so how's it going
33:52congress tart what congress tart okay uh it's uh it's carl he said congress tart so he's definitely
33:59been kidnapped who are they what do they want right who am i talking to now because then ask
34:05him what do you want he's asking what you want well there's no one here to do that bit of role
34:11so maybe you should tell me what they're saying they said um they just said they do want to use
34:17me as bargaining power but what do they what do they want we see but what do you actually want
34:26but what do you want is it money they're giving money money okay million uh two five million
34:32pounds too much i'm not spending that sort of cash you don't do that i'm not spending that
34:38this is what worries me i'm not spending five million to get you back that's what's worried
34:43because that's what would have happened can't we negotiate put the put them on
34:47yeah here's ricky right you've got to play him as well though hello hello who's that never mind
34:53who it is where's my five million can't afford five million at the moment we're gonna kill this
34:58kid if you don't give us a five million getting sick of him why why what's he doing he's just
35:04shouting congress talk give him the money give us the money okay i wouldn't have got him to call
35:13you actually there's no way there's no way it's okay oh god oh god you know we laugh don't we
35:29with jess and you know i think if the situation genuinely did occur there was a code word
35:38they went through to ricky and steve and they knew it was a code word so they knew it was a
35:43genuine threat i don't think they would have been taking the piss they're doing it here
35:47for comedy effect but i don't think they would genuinely have done it in real life
36:00it's not really a dance is it it's like a little bit of a shuffle
36:04is this something i don't think i don't think i saw in this episode it's just that
36:07a couple of weeks ago not really uh not using this like a deleted not even adding not even
36:13adding that sort of thing to it just a bit more with the face even
36:21is that sort of old man shuffle who's you know when old men are
36:24sort of a bit pissed up and the pants have fallen down a bit
36:37but you know he killed a bit of time there's nothing else to watch
36:43and i was tempted to sort of add sort of join the line and then do that and see if they copy it and
36:49that would be me giving them something and is that interfering
36:53maybe it wouldn't look frightening by the time you know if another tribe came in and they're
36:58all stood over there looking like lionel blair you know they're just gonna go right let's get
37:02them we can handle these i mean i'm so jealous of you being in the peruvia jungle
37:08didn't you have a whale of a time of course he didn't he's a cow
37:12fucking hell
37:15when i go home people watching it will sort of go yeah but you know i've seen all this
37:20ray mays and bear grill sucking on elephant shit and all that it's hard to let people know
37:25how bad it is out there when i came out of there i'd had no phone signal five days no phone signal
37:35stuck in the jungle the amazonian jungle in a one-man tent and then with a tribe for a couple
37:40of days called suzanne up and said all right i'm safe and all that expecting to get like a hero's
37:46welcome all i got was oh it's reassured me that if he died i'd be all right is what she said 16
37:55years i've been with her not a day's gone by i haven't spoke to her at some point she turns
38:00around says that i'd be all right if you were dead all right cheers for that i've got to call ricky
38:04now i called you up but what i had a meeting with everyone and they weren't sure about the title
38:10carl pilkington seven wonders um i came up with ideas they'd really like let's push it through
38:17wonder when it's by you um and if you're abroad well no we didn't we didn't say anything we
38:26didn't say anything about that we said it's carl pilkington seven wonders hello yeah but they were
38:32they were saying you know who's carl pilkington who's the idiot abroad you what you're the idiot
38:39abroad they loved it they absolutely loved it yeah well he would because you said it you know
38:43what they're like that's great ricky yeah yeah we'll do that we're not having an idiot abroad
38:49it's carl pilkington seven wonders i've been through a load of shit no it's not you're sat
38:53there giving them bloody shit titles we're not having an idiot abroad we're not having it it's
38:58the one one thing that i said that i'm happy with i've got i don't want people thinking i'm a div
39:05you are a div but we love you for it just the producers and me and steve and all the things
39:11from sky and marketing and i absolutely loved it as soon as i came up with it they started
39:15writing it down so well i'm back in a in a couple of days we'll we'll have another little meeting
39:21about that let's have another little meeting was he all all croissants and free coffee
39:25they all sat around on their arse yes that's great ricky any other ideas pour us another coffee
39:30i'm sick of that lot call them now and tell them that we're not doing series two
39:35nip that in the bud i'm not doing anymore that's yeah you are yeah you are people love it i've had
39:42enough no let's come on let's think of something else you can do seriously what about this we're
39:46not going to sort that out today idiot abroad fool's gold i give you a million to spend and
39:52you've got one year to make two million sounds quite cool i've got a double a million yeah
40:01you can you can gamble you can put it all on a horse or you can put a little bit on a horse you
40:05go to dragon's den you go i've got an idea clippable mug what about the tie with like
40:11you can carry scissors in and stuff it's already out there is it originally what was the first
40:15thing you do with that if i said you've got you've got a year to make one million you've
40:19already got this million just do loads of stuff well then go on and what was the first thought
40:23what you knew antiques and um buy antiques flog them on art are you any good with that in bulgaria
40:31do you know about what was that bulgaria in bulgaria that's sorry sorry because i've that's
40:37literally where i've been on another day is bulgaria i just want to hear what he said about
40:40that antiques and um buy antiques flog them on art or buy a house in bulgaria do you know about
40:47buy a house you're gonna buy a house in bulgaria that's your first thought
40:51how much is the house in bulgaria 100 grand right how much do you want to sell it for i'm gonna sell
40:56it for 200 i'm gonna do it you're gonna double your money on a house within a year you gotta
41:00make 130 i'm spinning plates here you've got to keep flying to bulgaria to check on the local
41:06builders on it right in bulgaria yeah plate spinning right antiques on the go i'm buying
41:12you're buying scratch cards how many
41:165 000 scratch cards i'd have some kids doing that i'd say right you can have a fiver
41:22um i haven't got time i'm giving them to do this is the worst idea i've ever heard
41:32i hope this actually got made into let me know if this ever got made into a tv show because i
41:36really want to watch this i mean it hasn't if you've got money you make money that's a fact
41:42not always bulgaria it's somewhere i know bulgaria is good for property
41:50there's a lot of things that you can do with property it's sort of in between greece and
41:54turkey classic cars and doing a lot so you're doubling your money on a classic car in a year
41:59yeah but i've made stuff i've made inventions what have you done the dragon's den like you
42:03say the clip on my idea like you have your cup there but look at that saucer every time i have
42:09i have a little bit of tea i'm talking to you i've got to go like that i've got to look exactly
42:12where i'm putting it again right clipable mat is stuck on it's attached to it at all times that's
42:17ridiculous and if i want i'd have to put it down there i could put it down there and just have a
42:21cup as to the surface that i can put it on it's attached washer proof dishwasher proof it's an idea
42:30i'm out
42:44most of the world is grim
42:50louis armstrong did that what a wonderful world song
42:55i don't know what he's going on about
43:00if louis had seen what i'd seen he wouldn't have brought that out
43:06you talked a lot before you went on the trip about how probably your happiest holiday time
43:11was when you were younger where we used to go wales wales port maddock right year after year
43:17after year it was brilliant and why was it so great it's everything you want it's a good like
43:21you know it was a good holiday park right weather was good i had loads of mates there
43:26there was always kids knocking about who i got on with arcade beach it was hell's angels down one
43:33end um i remember watching them thinking i want to be one of them because they looked hard all
43:42the leather on and that and uh i don't know you see this again this might not be true but my mom
43:48told me it might have just been to put me off she said to be a hell's angel you got shit in your
43:54pants
44:10so what you're saying is you have nothing happy memories of your glory days back in wales
44:15and you know you were whinging when we were sending you on these trips you're like oh i had
44:17a great time back in wales blah blah blah well we sent you back to wales let's have a look how you
44:21got to wales okay every holiday we had we'd go to this place in wales this campsite mom dad's
44:32got a caravan there it's designed it's high tech i want you to experience it it's all right isn't it
44:44this is good isn't it you know loads of space for stuff
44:47and big fire simple pleasures eh three bedrooms it's got
44:55but what's good is normally
44:59say if um your gran comes in oh i didn't know
45:03your whole family's coming where can i stay you just go hang on watch how quick this is
45:08oh no that isn't one hang on you stay there
45:25not exactly quick is it
45:30yeah maybe move the table car
45:38uh
45:48light an angle that's not right is it
45:54you can just sort of you know
46:08i remember getting chicken pox when i was here
46:16i just sat in the bath with a load of salt stop them itching uh
46:24i burnt my hand badly because joan rossi was with us on holiday and she gave me a plate with sausage
46:30rolls on it and she handed it to me with a tea towel i just grabbed the plate stuck to my hand
46:34a lot of injuries happened here
46:39a lot of injuries do happen on holidays i'll tell you about mine at the end if i remember
46:44they've put us right next to a family of 12 or whatever
46:48and they seem to sort of be out there all night they've got a table there with all sorts
46:53game of monopoly you don't have a quick game of that oh they're there for the night now
46:59your company now if i was there i'd be quite happy sat here i'd probably put the telly on
47:03have a cup of tea or something relaxed but because you're here going what do you do now
47:07what do you do now it's like i've got to try and impress you
47:13what's wrong with you sitting here now the air's coming in they're getting on my tits
47:22i always used to come to do crabbing
47:25but it's a bit of a ropey day today isn't it although he said you've got good weather in
47:29wales this isn't i don't really want ricky and steve to see like this
47:37things broke
47:41will you go back
47:44it's been a bit rubbish hasn't it it's been a bit rubbish i don't know is it because i've changed
47:50is it because i've been around the world and seen other things and then seeing this doesn't
47:54doesn't work anymore i've sort of messed up the fact that i used to like simple things and now
48:01you know as soon as i'm booked holiday i'll be going never mind
48:07forget having a swim in a pool where's the local tribe
48:14one of my ambitions for the series i mean i know ricky's got his own agenda but i was hoping that
48:19you know maybe travel would broaden the mind that's the phrase
48:22yeah we hear do you feel now the dust has settled like a different carl you're saying about the
48:29broadening of the mind i've put more stuff in the mind and whenever you do that something has
48:35to go why does it have to go no no um the mind this everything's only got a certain amount of
48:40space there's never an endless supply even with computers to go disc space full or whatever it's
48:45the same with the brain but when i learn a new fact i don't have to make room i don't have to go
48:50right i've got to chuck some out i'm out now of course you do unless you're stephen hawking who's
48:57got it all on hard drive where's that thing where's that thing that i want to remember
49:04you might go i remember knowing something like that before when you were talking about bananas
49:08now i had that fact about if you eat more than six it can kill you
49:12no that's definitely not that's not a fact is this a fact no levels are dangerously high if
49:17you have six bananas now i didn't when i walked in here today i mean i've got five over there
49:23i don't want to risk it by getting another one i went in that place you're having makeup on
49:26i saw a bowl of bananas i said there's six bananas there you know why there's only six
49:30seven would be dangerous this is what happened what fact squeezed out of your
49:35brain to accommodate the banana information i don't know because i forgot it perfect
49:52there's no doors or anything
49:54blue
50:16what the fuck is that
50:23i think the pickup truck is a camel
50:28the lights are changing
50:34a load of bees here
50:37he's anywhere safe no oh yeah no definitely not
50:48that's a testicle
50:54marcello marcello not bad okay
51:15i'm not putting myself above my station here
51:17i thought it was going to be the new paling soon found out i didn't know much but then i
51:25put myself out to learn a bit more it's been a journey people watching it have been on my journey
51:37everything i've been through we've seen
51:48uh
51:55i mean they say travel broadens the mind but i don't know if it does
51:59buggers it up i'm knackered
52:05oh my word
52:08oh my word to the person who said that the card comes home episodes are uh possibly better than
52:22the actual show itself you you you're definitely not far wrong with that i mean that
52:32was something that i was kind of a bit nervous about coming into
52:37because i thought i've loved every episode that we've done so far all these seven different
52:41countries the seven wonders that we've seen and all the the activities you know he's got to on
52:45his way carl coming home and talking about it i thought
52:51you know are we going to get the comedy are we going to get the wisdom or the the carl wisdom
52:57and yes we did we got it in bucket loads and it was amazing it was amazing to kind of refresh my
53:07memory of all these different things of course we've we've seen over the last you know god god
53:14knows how many months uh yeah you know with with this uh you know last 10 months that we've been
53:20watching this show um uh and i'm so glad i picked it back up obviously i kind of left it for a
53:26couple of months after christmas um uh yeah and it was it was absolutely fantastic so i definitely
53:34definitely want to do series two definitely tell me if he did that show that they were talking
53:39about about turning a million into two million or whatever because i i'd be damn damn uh intrigued
53:45to uh to watch that if that ever did get made thing and and the the burn that that that we
53:53so yeah um i suffered a burn as a as a child on a holiday uh i was in mallorca and a woman
54:00managed to knock um like a jug of freshly poured black coffee and it literally like on my arm it
54:09was probably about i don't know probably about the size of my hands worth literally on my wrist
54:15obviously i was you know six years old so it's obviously a lot smaller um but you get the idea
54:20of the scale and um it's something that i um i'm still baffled about to this day i got an
54:31explanation from school but i don't know whether it is scientifically accurate or not but it's a
54:35thing so with burns traditionally you go in you run it under cold water and you know you cool it
54:43down and typically for for like a proper scalding burn you you need to be running for like 20 odd
54:48minutes under the cold water to you know to try and cool it down and obviously like i said i'm six
54:53years old i'm screaming the place down they took me into kitchens they're running under tap
54:57and then when they get the bandages out to sort of wrap up my wrist uh you know to try and you
55:03know stop it and everything they put raw potatoes on it they literally were cutting a potato they
55:10got some raw potatoes like slices of it uh there's like two or three of them they literally laid it
55:15out on my arm and then just sort of wrapped the bandage around my around my arm which is the most
55:22bonkers thing i think you know i've said it to so many different people and they're like why why why
55:28and i i spoke to my science teacher years later so again if you're wrong uh mrs mitchell bunce
55:35you lied to me or you were wrong in your information but apparently there is something
55:40in potatoes i don't know whether it's the starch or there's something but that helps with healing
55:47and you know in reality for something yeah that was literally pure black coffee literally straight
55:54onto my arm i should have had like some kind of scarring i mean you there's literally nothing
55:59there is literally nothing on my arm at all um i for weeks after i had this humongous scab on there
56:06uh but no i never got like an actual scar and i mean i do have uh very faintly uh you can't
56:13probably can't really see it on on the camera but um there was a burn when i worked in a restaurant
56:19years years years later and i've still got kind of got that so like i said that should have given me
56:24a massive humongous scar on my wrist but it didn't and clearly people need to be told about raw
56:31potatoes in basic first aid courses that's it sorry we've gone off on a bit of a tangent there
56:36but i did promise i'd say that if i remembered so that is it that is the end of my reactions to
56:42series one of an idiot abroad let me know what your thoughts were do you want me to continue i
56:48mean i'm probably i'm gonna do it anyway because i really did have a lot of fun with it uh of course
56:52don't give me spoilers but uh do drop your comments down below do please subscribe if you're new but
56:57for today i am back off my holidays normal service will resume from today and so my name is
57:05kevin i am a geek and you have been watching kevin the geek goodbye