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00:00Hello everybody, welcome back to the channel.
00:14My name's Kevin, I'm a Geek, you're watching Kevin the Geek.
00:16Welcome back to Steel Game and welcome back to more of my Scottish content.
00:22If you missed it recently, I did a reaction to Chewing the Fat, you can go back and check
00:26that one out.
00:27Of course, I've done other stuff as well.
00:29As always, of course, please do consider subscribing if you're new, joining my Patreon, dropping
00:35your comments below, all the usual bits and bobs.
00:37But, we're doing this one, which is apparently, I think it's called Balls Up, if I remember
00:49correctly.
00:50Yeah, Balls Up.
00:58I thought Mick had a job.
01:08No, he only goes for a bit of fitness when he's after a young lassie from the pizza
01:27parlour and he's fighting against, oh God, I can't remember his name, the bookie, what's
01:34the bookie's name?
01:35Stevie!
01:36Stevie the bookie.
01:37So, be any change?
01:38No.
01:39I'll give you some advice.
01:40Advice, eh?
01:41Aye.
01:42Advice will buy my pie, won't it?
01:43A nice wee plate of advice and beans.
01:44Look, are you wanting my help or no?
01:45Fire away, sensei.
01:46Right.
01:47I'm playing on a football tournament this weekend.
01:48Walking football.
01:49It's all the rage.
01:50Right.
01:51There's a wee position going.
01:52A wee position?
01:53Like the striker?
01:54No, no.
01:55In the team.
01:56Your urine sample would get us disqualified.
01:57It's a different position.
01:58You interested or no?
01:59Any money in it?
02:00Thirty quid a day for two days.
02:01I'm not interested.
02:02I'm not interested.
02:03I'm not interested.
02:04I'm not interested.
02:05I'm not interested.
02:06I'm not interested.
02:07I'm not interested.
02:08I'm not interested.
02:09I'm not interested.
02:10I'm not interested.
02:11I'm not interested.
02:12I'm not interested.
02:13I'm not interested.
02:14I'm not interested.
02:15I'm not interested.
02:16I'm not interested.
02:17I'm not interested.
02:19Thirty quid a day for two days, I's up tae.
02:23Words.
02:24I'm good with.
02:25Numbers is no my forte.
02:26I was about to say.
02:29To be fair, it was ma Kiely's Heehaw.
02:34He always seems very intellectual.
02:38Shut up!
02:40It's sixty quid.
02:4360 quid.
02:45Sold.
02:49Is it going to be a mascot or something?
02:51Oh, it's Monday. I forgot about that.
02:53Oh, look who it is.
02:55The Chuckle Brothers.
02:57To me, to you,
02:59two pints...
03:01I just need a few minutes.
03:03What? Well, we normally come in here
03:05and say to Bobby, two pints.
03:07Well, give it to me with both
03:09barrels. Go on!
03:11All right, then. Two pints, you gas bag
03:13fanny bastard.
03:17Close enough. Oh, Jack, for
03:19God's sake. Well, you heard her. She gave me the
03:21green light. I mean, where does Bobby disappear to
03:23on a Monday anyway? It's a five-a-side
03:25thing. I didn't know Bobby knew four
03:27other people. Well, this is good,
03:29ain't it, eh? Nae pints. Good work, Jack.
03:31Scared away the barman.
03:33Isa. Isa,
03:35I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to upset you.
03:37It was only a bit of banter, darling.
03:39Please.
03:43Isa Hen, you'll never
03:45guess who we met on the way down here
03:47and what she tell us.
03:49What did she tell you?
03:51Two pints, prick.
03:53You couple of bastards.
03:55Can you imagine Bobby
03:57playing football? I mean, he's hardly Boris Beckham,
03:59has he? So, has
04:01Isa theoretically worked behind the bar
04:03all this time?
04:05Or is this just a new thing?
04:07Cos I don't think I've ever seen
04:09her do anything other than working in the wee shop.
04:11Neither's Boris Beckham, Jack. That's a made-up
04:13person.
04:15It's the pitch-up at the Claymore.
04:17It's no real football anyway. It's special
04:19football. Is that because Bobby's no right?
04:21No, it's walking football.
04:23What? It's all the rage.
04:25It's for fellas that cannae play any more
04:27but are still competitive.
04:29That's what dominoes are for, surely.
04:31It's like football. With all the
04:33speed, agility and all that dashing about.
04:35Oh, like Patrick
04:37Thistle.
04:39Oh,
04:41hello, Mr Sheathing.
04:43What can I get you?
04:45A dark heart rum, Mrs Derennet.
04:47I still don't like him after he killed
04:49old Eric last episode out.
04:51I know he didn't really kill him, but
04:53I miss Eric already. I don't know why.
04:55Lovely.
04:57Well, what's your news, eh?
04:59Who's dead now?
05:01Gerald McCarthy.
05:03He opened a tin of salmon that had been lying in his cupboard.
05:05A wee hole in it.
05:07Food poison. Oh.
05:09Defecated himself to death. Oh!
05:11Shall I?
05:13Aye, you're closest.
05:17I. D. Sheathing, funeral director.
05:19I joined the foundation and the Klansmen.
05:21Uh-huh.
05:23Oh, dear.
05:25There you are.
05:29Well?
05:33Sorry to be the bearer of bad news,
05:35but it would appear your friend Bobby has taken a heart attack.
05:37Oh, no.
05:39Oh, shit!
05:41I'm fine.
05:43So,
05:45I'm warming up,
05:47and about 20 minutes into this
05:49warm-up session, I start to feel a bit...
05:51I don't know.
05:55Right.
05:57These have been hanging about doing nothing for ages.
05:59Let's warm up.
06:05Oh!
06:09A mild heart attack.
06:11A massive heart attack.
06:13I'll have put a nab. What did you call it?
06:15Stent.
06:17A stent.
06:19It opens up your artery in that shoe.
06:21Brand new.
06:23Stents.
06:25Put stents in. Plural.
06:27Oh, does plural mean...
06:29two?
06:31No. In this case, plural means
06:3318.
06:3518 of the bastards.
06:37That's a record.
06:39Wow.
06:4318 stents?
06:45Yes.
06:47What can I now do?
06:49Go through a metal detector.
06:51You're Robo-Bobby now.
06:53That's very bizarre, man.
07:03Come in.
07:07How you doing? Fine, thank you.
07:09So, you are Michael, is it?
07:11You can call me Mick.
07:13Mick. What do you know about the job?
07:15It is a job.
07:17In existence. Right.
07:19How did you find out about it?
07:21Bird of moose. Bobby's moose.
07:23Bobby the barman for the clansmen.
07:25Can you do a dog?
07:27What?
07:29Oh, no, no.
07:31Is this a porno movie?
07:33No, it's not.
07:35As if it was for 60 quid.
07:37You have to be a dog.
07:39Could you do that?
07:41Act the dog? Aye, nae danger.
07:43Don't just act the dog.
07:45Live the dog.
07:47Be the dog.
07:49Where did he go?
07:53What are you doing?
07:55A shite.
07:57Like a dog would do. Legs all shuddering.
07:59Hot bone.
08:01There's a wee pish coming.
08:05I mean, she did say live the dog.
08:07What's this?
08:09It's another dog.
08:11Come here, you, and I'll sniff your balls.
08:15Oh, that's smashing.
08:17Nothing wrong with them balls.
08:19No, you misunderstand.
08:21It's not a real dog.
08:23It's a costume.
08:25A mascot.
08:27A mascot?
08:29For the walking football tournament this weekend.
08:31For the families and the kids.
08:33You know, entertainment.
08:35Like Goofy?
08:37Yes, sort of.
08:39So, you're at the sidelines.
08:41You're getting the crowd all going.
08:43Off you go.
08:45Out of these dobbers.
08:47Get these arseholes pumped.
08:53Could you send the next person in, please?
08:55No danger.
08:57I thought Bobby was offering him the job.
09:01There's nobody else there, man.
09:03Looks like you're stuck with me.
09:11Anyone could do a thing in the costume.
09:13As long as you fit.
09:15I worked at a holiday camp.
09:17I couldn't fit in any of the costumes.
09:19You have to be quite on the small side.
09:21I actually reckon it's probably easier
09:23being in the costume
09:25than the person having to guide it.
09:27Honestly, you've got no idea
09:29of what they can and can't see.
09:31They were constantly bumping into tables and crap.
09:33Just because I didn't know
09:35what they could and couldn't see.
09:39Hey, Bobby.
09:41Ah, Jack.
09:43Liked her.
09:45What do they call it again?
09:47Salad.
09:49Cherries.
09:51But I've not got any stains on them.
09:53That's maybe because that's a tomato, Bobby.
09:55You eat a lot of salad now?
09:57No.
09:59Doctor's orders, but
10:01couldn't my calories eat well?
10:03Gee's a bit of beefy bake, eh?
10:05No, no, no. You've had a health warning.
10:07I mean, that's a shot across the bow, that is.
10:09Ah, yeah, yeah.
10:11Get back to your, what was it again?
10:13Walking football.
10:15I've been told to leave it for a bit.
10:17It's a bastard.
10:19Because there's a tourney coming up.
10:21Whoever wins it gets an AstroTurf pitch
10:23for their local community centre.
10:25And you can't even get a game of walking about kicking a ball.
10:27And how strange is that going to be?
10:29It's very competitive.
10:31Why don't you have a look for yourself?
10:33How long am I going to finish that?
10:35Two minutes.
10:37Chugga Brothers.
10:39To me, Jack.
10:43Oh, look who it is.
10:45Dennis Law and Billy Bremner.
10:47Shut up. We could have played for Scotland.
10:49Oh, wit it.
10:51Shut up.
10:53Two pints, you Nobby Stiles prick.
10:55Right, Victor, on my head.
10:57Right, yeah.
10:59Oh, God, he's taking his glasses off.
11:01Oh, you're on the team, boy.
11:03What team?
11:05Oh, we're putting a team together.
11:07Have a look at it. It's a piece of piss.
11:09And you, Bobby, since you can't play,
11:11are going to be our Matt Busby.
11:13Hey!
11:15Here, is there a free pie in at half-time?
11:17Yes.
11:19Come on, Jack.
11:21Oh, right, come on, that's enough.
11:23Right, wrap it.
11:27Oh, my God!
11:31I was not expecting that.
11:34Eyes of a goalie.
11:36What?
11:38Oh, here, we're going to need a name.
11:40Well, we're a pub team,
11:42so what about the Clansmen?
11:44Oh, I was the strip for that.
11:46White sheets, pointy hats, eye holes cut out.
11:48No, no, I like Jack Chester United.
11:50Oh, that's a good name, Jack, aye.
11:52Completely devoid of ego.
11:54How about you go for one in honour of...
11:58..of Winston?
12:00The Legless.
12:02Because they're always in the pub,
12:04they're getting legless after a few pints.
12:06There you go.
12:08That's my suggestion for the team name.
12:10What about the Victories?
12:12No, no, I've got it. Tammeer Rovers.
12:14No!
12:16Are we just naming our names now?
12:18You're all mince anyway.
12:20No, no, we'll call ourselves Craig Lang Old Team.
12:22I've got another good name.
12:24What, Heart Attack Midlothian?
12:26Stroke City?
12:28No, no, no, Craig Lang Old Team, agreed?
12:30I prefer Legless.
12:32Older Legless.
12:38Morning.
12:40You're Alfie Cuthbertson?
12:42Aye, that's me.
12:44What are yous after?
12:46We're actually from Klansmen and Craig Lang
12:48and we're looking for a friendly match
12:50and it's to warm up for that tournament at the weekend
12:52and we heard you had a team, so...
12:54Aye, that's right, aye.
12:56That's them. That's the Dream Team.
12:58A couple of them look like they're dreaming the new.
13:02So how long he's been playing?
13:04Well, that's the thing, we've only just started.
13:06We're brand new to this, you know.
13:08How long have they been playing?
13:10That's four years now.
13:12Jesus, that mob looks as if it would take
13:14four years to pit their boots on.
13:16Hear that, boys?
13:18That's them starting with the trash talk, eh?
13:20When and where?
13:22Your gaff?
13:24Well, 11 o'clock in the morning, if that suits you.
13:26I'll be 11.
13:28I've got the doctors at 11.
13:30My prostate.
13:32Lovely.
13:34Does one go earlier, say 9 o'clock?
13:36Nine's no use.
13:38Pat's daughter comes round today's breakfast.
13:40Suffering.
13:42Just tell us the time!
13:44How about this, 1 o'clock?
13:46No, the homey-ups coming today, my feet hurt.
13:48You'll need to cancel it, Ricky.
13:501 o'clock is fine.
13:52Good.
13:54Er, you boys wanting a drink?
13:56To seal the deal?
13:58Erm, well,
14:00we could probably stay for one, but, you know,
14:02cos we wanted to stay much fit, didn't we?
14:04Yeah, yeah.
14:06Oh, dear.
14:08I've got a bad feeling about that.
14:10Ah.
14:18Oh, dear.
14:20Oh, dear.
14:22Bloody racket.
14:30What is it?
14:32We've slept in.
14:34You any aspirin?
14:36Oh, aspirin, no.
14:38No.
14:40Paracetamol.
14:42Have they given them the loopy juice?
14:44Look, I said, I am...
14:46Would you like a town and country magazine as well?
14:48I've got a W.H. Smith.
14:50Do you have a linsep? That's all I've got.
14:52I guess I am desperate.
14:58Come on, you...
15:00Oh, no. Oh, no.
15:02No!
15:04Oh.
15:06You're supposed to...
15:08Oh, my word.
15:10That's going to taste vile.
15:12Oh.
15:14Oh.
15:16Let's not go in too heavy with this mob.
15:18I mean, look at them.
15:20It's a sin. Aye.
15:22Let them score a couple of pastas, eh?
15:24For their dignity.
15:26Poor bastards.
15:28Lamps to the slaughter, eh?
15:32Yeah, they're going to be really good, aren't they?
15:3411-0?
15:36That's embarrassing.
15:38Humiliating.
15:40My ankle's way up like a balloon.
15:42I warned you it was competitive.
15:44There are no easy games in this division.
15:46All you did was shout and ball.
15:48Garbage.
15:50Stick to what you know and get me a drink of bollock.
15:54I think the problem is...
15:56The problem is you let 11 goals in
15:58standing talking to bloody Mary McDermott
16:00at the fence.
16:02It's not their fault, mate.
16:04We're a lot of catching up today.
16:06Then you should have been catching the bastard and balls.
16:08Let's face it, we're shite.
16:10We wouldn't even make it through
16:12the first round of that tourniquet.
16:14Tournament.
16:16Which is what we'll be wearing
16:18if we play that mob again.
16:20We tried.
16:22Is it going to be one of those things where they
16:24end up going to a tournament, they do pretty well
16:26and then they face them in the final?
16:28Typical sitcom
16:30predictions there.
16:32We failed. There's no shame in it, you know.
16:38Oh, wow.
16:40Good fit.
16:42Now, have you got friends in this tournament?
16:44Aye.
16:46Jack and Victor and that.
16:48No favouritism.
16:50You have to be the tournament mascot.
16:52Impartial.
16:54If you break that rule, no payment.
16:56That's nae worries.
16:58Naebody knows I'm doing it.
17:00And I'm not letting anybody know.
17:02Why not?
17:04Well, the social for a kick it off.
17:06In fact, it's a pure brass neck.
17:08You don't have to worry.
17:10No one will notice you.
17:12You've got the head, remember?
17:14Aye.
17:16Where is it?
17:18Make sure you take your hat off.
17:20Because you're going to be roasted.
17:24Yeah, they don't recognise us here.
17:32Look at these poor kids, Jack.
17:34They seem happy enough.
17:36Look at that boy.
17:38Nae boots.
17:40The ball's burst as well, but I'm still running a boot.
17:44That's how we used to play back in the day.
17:46Nae boots, burst ball.
17:48What's changed?
17:50Nothing.
17:52Absolutely nothing.
17:54Here, son.
17:56What is it, mister?
17:58What do you want to do when you grow up?
18:00Just going to go for Scotland in a World Cup final.
18:02You've got to get to the World Cup first.
18:04We are not giving up.
18:06We need to win that tourney.
18:08For the Waynes, they need that pitch.
18:10That's the attitude.
18:12Yeah!
18:14We haven't got a chance.
18:16Nonsense.
18:18Wait till I show yous this, right?
18:20There we are.
18:22Two at the back,
18:24one at the front,
18:26and a roving midfielder.
18:28Look at that.
18:30Midfielder.
18:32Little triangles.
18:34Possession is key.
18:36You just get more tired
18:38before your brain's chasing the ball.
18:40You sound like a football manager
18:42instead of an old slobber cabbage.
18:44Yeah!
18:46That's literally what Ted Lasso came up with
18:48when he went to Amsterdam.
18:50It's all based on the
18:52Dutch total football philosophy.
18:54Yeah.
18:56My da used to manage a junior football team
18:58down that hill.
19:00Used to drag me round every ground in the country.
19:02Guess over time it all just sunk in.
19:04Wow.
19:06So you've been slapped in.
19:08So what?
19:10Get up.
19:12Slap them back.
19:14Bit harder.
19:16Can you do that?
19:18Do you have that in you?
19:20What do you say?
19:22You're fired, Isa. You're the new manager.
19:24You're in charge of the kit,
19:26and the oranges.
19:28Fair enough.
19:44I guess this is supposed to be
19:46a variant on the rocket team.
19:48Go on, lads!
19:50That was...
19:54Oh.
19:56Oh!
20:18Oh!
20:26Hooray!
20:28Tournament day.
20:30Aye, as long as Isa doesn't get distracted in goal.
20:32Don Revy.
20:34The infamous dirty leads, eh?
20:36Bremner.
20:38Bobby Collins, the Glasgow street fighter.
20:40Norman, bite your leg hunter.
20:42Reviled throughout the top flight
20:44for their dure and cynical approach
20:46to the beautiful game.
20:48If you have any of the requisite skills,
20:50if you canny beat them...
20:52Beat them up!
20:54You're basically a bunch of useless, piss-poor,
20:56pathetic journeyman wankers.
20:58You've got nae option but to play defensive.
21:00Pack your inbox,
21:02wait for a chance.
21:04Now, it isnae pretty, but it can be effective.
21:06We are gonna kick our way
21:08to glory, boys.
21:10And I don't mean the ball.
21:12I mean their balls.
21:14And don't forget why you're doing it.
21:16Aye, the three pies.
21:18Oh, for a new pitch for the Waynes.
21:20For the Waynes!
21:22And the pies.
21:24And the three pies.
21:26Yeah.
21:48Hey!
21:52Hey!
21:54Hey!
22:02Oh!
22:04Come on, lads!
22:06This is shame!
22:10Shut up, you bunch of bastards!
22:12Come on!
22:14We can get through here!
22:16Hold still. We've got 30 seconds.
22:18Righty-o!
22:20Oh, the brand of chaser.
22:34Bloody hell!
22:40I mean, that's not walking, though.
22:42That's standing football.
22:46How did you know it was me?
22:48Just a bad guess.
22:58The old team versus the Weirbridge Walkers.
23:02Semi-finals, boys.
23:04Weirbridge.
23:06Nae pushovers, but then naebody expected us to get through the quarters.
23:08Oh, boy.
23:10What a touch of cramp gives her up doing here.
23:18Oh.
23:22Water!
23:28No, no.
23:30Scoosh it in my mouth and listen to my coach.
23:36What an absolute pair of pricks.
23:42Orange, Bobby.
23:44Get me an orange.
23:46Just throw it at him.
23:48Can you take the seeds out?
23:50I'll take your seeds out, you prick.
23:52Thanks very much.
23:54We're quite finished.
23:56In hard, nae shirking.
23:58That's how folk get hurt.
24:00Win every 50-50 and leave no man standing.
24:02Come on!
24:04Into these bastards!
24:06Yeah!
24:08Right, nil-nil.
24:10Let's get the hammers out.
24:16Oh!
24:20They're actually moving this time.
24:22Oh!
24:24You dirty bastards.
24:26Oh!
24:30Ha ha ha ha!
24:32Hey!
24:34Drop the boon and I'll bite the shite out of you.
24:36Come on, Keglan!
24:38You're taking sides.
24:40You were told.
24:42Whistle.
24:44What are you doing?
24:46There's kids here.
24:48I'm not fiddling with my knackers.
24:50I'm trying to push my hernia back in.
24:52Oh!
24:56Ha ha ha!
24:58Ha ha ha ha!
25:00Oh, my word!
25:04Wow!
25:08Whoa!
25:10Ha ha ha ha!
25:14Oh!
25:16Top goal scorer.
25:18Park Mill, the final.
25:20You need to ask yourselves,
25:22are we ready to step up
25:24and be champions, legends?
25:26We are 20 minutes
25:28away from greatness.
25:30I need all of you to stay focused.
25:32Laser focused.
25:34Yes!
25:36Ha ha ha ha!
25:38Oh, yeah.
25:40Get a grip of yourselves.
25:42Laser!
25:44You're like four George Bests.
25:46Move!
25:48Robbie, clean that up.
25:50Yes, boss.
25:52Whoa!
25:54Bunch of slackers!
25:56Yeah!
26:02Jesus.
26:04Look at this, boys.
26:06What is that?
26:08That's Park Mill's main man.
26:10He looks like a shaved Highland coo.
26:12He combined his arm last year.
26:14We've not got anybody
26:16on our team that could handle that.
26:18What we need is a hard man.
26:20An enforcer.
26:22Someone that doesn't take any shite off of anybody.
26:24Right.
26:30Who?
26:36Park Mill Bastards United.
26:38Bastards United.
26:42Come on, Park Mill.
26:44Get this lot mucked up and put in the canal.
26:50Oh!
26:52That's your last warning.
26:54Well done, Mick.
26:58Oh!
27:02Oh!
27:08Oh!
27:14Wow.
27:18Who are they bringing in?
27:20Oh!
27:24Oh, my God. I didn't even spot that.
27:26I thought you were in the nuts.
27:30Oh!
27:32Oh, man.
27:34He's just kicked that old boy's leg right off.
27:38Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
27:42Mick, that's it.
27:44Aye, that is it. Stick your 60 quid up your arse.
27:50Halftime!
27:52It's only 3-0.
27:54That's not bad.
27:58Any last-minute advice, Isa?
28:00You do your best, boys.
28:02That's all I can ask.
28:04Who are they bringing in?
28:06Where is he?
28:08He's on his way.
28:12I'm trying to work out who it could be.
28:16Maybe Naveed?
28:18Because Naveed's not been in this episode yet.
28:20That would be quite funny if it's Naveed.
28:24Maybe that angry barman.
28:26The one who had done a quiz in a previous episode
28:28then he came back to cover for Bobby
28:30a few episodes ago.
28:32Maybe him?
28:34Imagine if it's Naveed.
28:36Naveed's just a real hard-ass.
28:40He's here!
28:42Referee! Substitution!
28:44Hey!
28:46It is Naveed!
28:48I'm Merlin.
28:50Yes!
28:52It looks like a bastard in the house.
28:54Okay, Naveed, here's what you have to do.
28:56Oh, my God!
29:10Get off.
29:12Oh, my words!
29:22Oh!
29:24Oh, Sam!
29:28Hey!
29:32Yes, Winston!
29:48Wow!
29:50Oh, my God!
29:52Naveed breaking another leg is what did it.
29:54I mean, that's crazy.
30:08Oh, my God!
30:10Dave Gregland doing Doggy Style.
30:12Oh, my word!
30:14I need to go back and properly read this
30:16at the end of the episode.
30:18I won't do it now, but I'm going to read this properly
30:20at the end.
30:48Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.
30:50Nice!
30:52Memorial pitch.
30:54Shameful.
30:56A disgrace to the community.
30:58It's good, isn't it?
31:00Aye, it's good, aye.
31:02Anyway, man, can we get an autograph?
31:04Aye, of course you can, son.
31:06No problem at all.
31:08Shall I get Doug for the paper?
31:10My pleasure, wee man.
31:12Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
31:16He's had that costume on for over a week.
31:18Fame-hungry, smelly bastard.
31:20Oh, yeah.
31:22It's going to reek.
31:24You sweat a lot in them costumes.
31:28Oh, all right. Let's go back.
31:30Let's check out...
31:32Let's read the...
31:34the stuff on the...
31:36on the hair.
31:38Here we go.
31:40Right.
31:42Because they would have gone to a lot of effort for this.
31:44So I want to...
31:46I want to properly...
31:48just see what it says.
31:50Because, you know, like I said,
31:52they would have gone to a lot of effort here.
31:54So, Dirty Craig Lang do it doggy style.
31:56Brawl, shameful penches, referee in hiding.
31:58Craig Lang old team won the new pitch for the local community
32:00of the Walkinsons Football this weekend
32:02but their dirty tactics incited a full-on rammy.
32:04Even the tawner's
32:06fluffy mascot dog disgraced himself
32:08during the pitch invasion when he mounted
32:10and humped the referee.
32:12The old team's shame game
32:14shocked even the most hard-knocking football team
32:16the Patamir bastards when Craig Lang's local
32:18shopkeeper, Naveed Harid, was subbed on
32:20at the last minute to blast Crusher Tate
32:22off the pitch.
32:24Ref is feeling completely traumatised
32:26and he's remaining in hiding until the whole
32:28disgusting debacle blows over.
32:30I mean...
32:34I mean...
32:36I thought Naveed would just kind of come on
32:38and just be a little bit, you know, rough and tumble.
32:40I did not expect him to go full
32:42full-blown Vinnie Jones
32:44and
32:46Eric Cantor and pretty much kung-fu
32:48kick him to destroy his legs.
32:50Oh, wow! I mean...
32:52Wow, okay.
32:54So, Harid
32:56causes confusion with erratic opening hours.
32:58Locals are dismayed as they
33:00find themselves without essentials like
33:02bog rolls and flumps on a Friday.
33:04For the last few weeks, the local convenience store
33:06has pulled the shutters early and nobody knows
33:08why. One local pensioner claimed
33:10it was utterly baffling whilst another
33:12dejected resident said they felt
33:14abandoned. Rumours
33:16have it that Naveed and wife Mina
33:18have decided if you have frozen the frame
33:20and are reading this article
33:22then you should really tweet us at
33:24Stillgame.
33:26Wow!
33:28Okay.
33:30Yeah, I think
33:32I think we should tweet
33:34them there.
33:36Yeah, that's clever.
33:38That's clever. That's really, really clever.
33:40Can I
33:42just move this?
33:44Right, I'm just going to have to
33:46do my best with it with that being in the way.
33:48£35 million to fix
33:50potholes and improve Craig Lang
33:52roads. Residents will be throwing a massive
33:54party. Record funding has been
33:56announced which will see an end to Craig Lang's
33:58terrible tarmac troubles.
34:00The state of the roads, pavements and lanes
34:02joining Osprey and Eagle Heights
34:04to the canal basin has been sending residents
34:06round the twist since the severe cold
34:08snap of two years ago when numerous cracks and holes
34:10started to appear. The neglect has only
34:12made things worse with residents having to contend with
34:14twisted ankles, sprains and ridiculously
34:16embarrassing falls on a daily
34:18basis. Yeah, going back to
34:20what, maybe episode two I think it was. Wasn't that
34:22where they were falling over a lot?
34:24Drivers have fared no better and have been swerving
34:26in unnatural ways to avoid holes and pedestrians.
34:28Craig Lang's new councillor,
34:30Macrone, says he
34:32is heralding a smooth new service
34:34to Craig Lang which will be the envy of everyone
34:36around. He also pointed the finger
34:38at his predecessor, Councillor McVitie
34:40I remember him, for having
34:42had other priorities.
34:44This has been Craig Lang's biggest campaign in recent
34:46memory and the momentous news means
34:48it is bye-bye to
34:50galumphy maclumph phase.
34:52The biggest of all the
34:54potholes which pose a whopping
34:561.7 metres in diameter
34:5870 centimetres depth. That
35:00is a massive pothole.
35:02One local resident describes it
35:04as hell's swimming pool.
35:06Whilst another
35:08admits feeling
35:10sentimental at its impending
35:12departure, glumpy is like
35:14a trusty friend to me. Wow.
35:16And then finally,
35:18giant veggies
35:20take over plot. Down at the local
35:22biodynamic vegetable plot
35:24the gardeners collective can't believe their eyes
35:26or stomachs. The fruits and vegetables
35:28of their labours are plain to
35:30see with an abundance of outrageously
35:32large produce sprouting from
35:34every planter. One local gardener was so
35:36delighted with his haul of massive
35:38plums
35:40his massive plums
35:44that he entered them into the regional
35:46vegetable growers competition where they came second
35:48only to a giant marrow in the shape of
35:50a submarine complete with a
35:52sky.
35:54God, this is bonkers.
35:56Another gardener proudly boasted that
35:58the mega superstars now is out
36:00of business. But it's not all joy as
36:02one disgruntled local described it
36:04as out of control. It's like
36:06day of the...
36:08Day of...
36:10Triffids?
36:12Can anyone explain that to me?
36:14That makes no sense to me. Day of the Triffids.
36:16I'm guessing that's like an inside joke
36:18or a
36:20Scottish thing. The secret to the
36:22success of the plot is closely guarded with one
36:24resident trying to cover their tracks by claiming
36:26they don't even know what biodynamic
36:28means. As is
36:30the courier, we suspect
36:32it's a combination of hard toil
36:34and leftover fusilier.
36:36See, that one wasn't quite as good.
36:38That one. I'm not going to lie. That one's
36:40not quite as good.
36:42Definitely the
36:44one where, yeah,
36:46rumours have it Naveed and wife
36:48have decided that if you've frozen the frame
36:50and are reading this article, you should really tweet us.
36:52Yeah. Yeah, you should.
36:54You should, shouldn't you?
36:56Wow.
36:58Okay, I've definitely done
37:00a big round-up of this episode
37:02without really doing a round-up.
37:04So if you have stuck with me to this point,
37:06fair play to you.
37:12Put it in the comments below. If you've reached this
37:14point, what was it?
37:16Put glumpy
37:18face in
37:20the
37:22comments. Let me know that you've
37:24reached this point. It's a bit in that article
37:26there.
37:28That was great. That was
37:30really, really good.
37:32I'm looking forward
37:34to another episode.
37:36Like I always say,
37:38since we've kind of moved over to
37:40Series 7 and onwards,
37:42there hasn't been a dip in quality for me.
37:44There really hasn't. And what may it continue?
37:46Even though
37:48we are now nearing the end.
37:50This is the last
37:52still game for August.
37:54And then when we do the next episode,
37:56I will be able to officially say
37:58that next month,
38:00the show will be over.
38:04That's crazy.
38:06In October, the show is over.
38:08Madness.
38:10Right, you know the usual drill.
38:12Subscribe, comment, Patreon,
38:14all the usual bits and bobs.
38:16For now, my name's Kevin. I'm a geek.
38:18You've been watching Kevin the Geek.
38:20Goodbye.