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00:00I really miss Johnny Vegas in Benidorm.
00:03Hopefully at some point in the future he comes back.
00:06That would be absolutely wonderful.
00:08Because he's a big miss.
00:09You know, he was such a great character on that show.
00:25Hello everybody!
00:26Welcome back to the channel.
00:28My name's Kevin.
00:29I am a geek.
00:30You are watching KevinTheGeek.
00:32And welcome to my first post-holiday reaction.
00:37Whoa!
00:38I've been waiting a long time for this episode.
00:43And it's been a long time for me to get to the point of recording this one.
00:46And obviously, like I said, I've just come back from my holiday a couple of days ago.
00:52The plan was literally today I was going to come back.
00:54I was going to do a big bulk load of recording.
00:56I had IT issues.
00:58I've had so, so many different problems.
01:00So it's been an absolute nightmare.
01:02But thank you all for persevering with me.
01:04You guys really suggested taking the break after the last episode and waiting for this one.
01:10You know, until this point.
01:14And it would be a very good pausing point.
01:16Obviously, last time out we lost the Garveys.
01:19And I said we're gonna need something big to fill the hole.
01:25So, yeah.
01:27I don't know where we're gonna go for the rest of the series.
01:29But I'm eager to find out.
01:30So let's check it out.
01:32You can probably see.
01:34Also, technical issue wise, I've had to go with my older headset.
01:39My other one.
01:40The dongle has gone missing somehow, somewhere.
01:44But yeah, let's check out series 7 episode 3 of Benidorm.
01:54Someone sent me this version as well.
01:55They said it's the best version to do it.
01:59The do not disturb sign is hanging on the inside of your door for you to use.
02:05Yes, you're free to leave the room whenever you wish.
02:11You're welcome.
02:13We've got some thicc-o guests here, haven't we?
02:15Unbelievable.
02:18I had a man yesterday who asked me if the beach was air-conditioned.
02:23Well, I know the nudist beach isn't.
02:25So I assume the Levant is the same.
02:29Leslie.
02:30Good morning.
02:37Oh, welcome to the...
02:40Salon's very busy today.
02:41Oh, what?
02:42Oh, don't say that.
02:43I was hoping to nip in for a pedicure on my lunch hour.
02:47Is it safe to use an angle grinder in such a confined space?
02:50You bit that.
02:53Nothing.
02:56Good morning, Solana.
02:58How can I help you?
03:09What's Kenneth up to?
03:10Is he just suddenly very popular or is there something else up?
03:21Paper.
03:24Tiger, today's paper.
03:26No, thanks.
03:29Fancy a swim?
03:31No.
03:32What about a drink?
03:34No, thank you.
03:35You've got to crack your face sometimes, son.
03:37You've been sulking all day.
03:39I'm not sulking.
03:40It's called embarrassment.
03:41Everyone's embarrassed when they're a teenager.
03:44You've just got to work your way through it.
03:46You!
03:47I'm embarrassed about you!
03:48What are you embarrassed about me for?
03:50Let me think.
03:51What did my 52-year-old father do last night that could have possibly have been embarrassing?
03:56Code woman of slack.
03:57Perving over women half his age and when they said they weren't interested,
04:01getting into a fight with them.
04:02Which one was supposed to be half my age?
04:04You've got to be joking.
04:06They were a ripe pair of mantas.
04:08So why were you chatting them up then?
04:10Who keeps texting you?
04:12Auntie Terry.
04:13You tell her she's got to keep her nose out of my business.
04:17Don't believe a word she says.
04:18It's all a load of rubbish.
04:20You hear me?
04:20Okay.
04:25Hola.
04:31Bit of a step down from Tonya, innit?
04:35No offense.
04:38Jacqueline, we need to talk.
04:40Oh, morning.
04:42Morning.
04:43I've been sick with worry all night.
04:45Worry?
04:46What are you worried about?
04:48You don't remember I propositioned you last night?
04:51No.
04:52Really?
04:53Not that I remember.
04:54You just finished your drink, said you were having an early night and went off to bed.
05:00My god.
05:01I mean, he did say he wasn't going to pull the...
05:02Those two luggage hangers must have hit me hard last night.
05:04Wardrobbing with the door.
05:05Since I was 18.
05:06I think I'm still a bit tiddly.
05:08That is a relief.
05:10I've been wringing my hands all morning.
05:13I've been up since seven as well.
05:15Half the day's gone now.
05:17Don't worry about it.
05:18I've got nothing planned.
05:20Well, I say that, I might have a dip in the pool later on.
05:24Nice.
05:25I don't think I could spend another day just sitting, staring at the pool.
05:29Hey, it's lush.
05:30I tend to get panic attacks if I've got nothing to do.
05:32You know, alone.
05:34With my thoughts.
05:36Glynne, I said last night...
05:37Oh, is it Tom Saylor?
05:38Why don't you just call your wife and say you think this wife swap thing was a mistake?
05:43No, no.
05:45She's having the time of her life.
05:47Every time I text her to see if she's okay.
05:49She says she can't get enough of it.
05:52Well, Donald is an amazing man.
05:54You know, I instigated this whole thing.
05:58But I can't get over the fact that you're so happy with your husband
06:02spending time with another man's wife.
06:05My wife.
06:06Well, I look at it this way.
06:09Our next door neighbor has a drill.
06:12But it doesn't have a hammer function.
06:15You know, to go into solid walls like ours does.
06:19So we're only too happy to let them borrow it from time to time.
06:23But you can't compare your husband to an electric hammer drill.
06:28Well, lovey.
06:29Well, you say that.
06:31Mateo, can you help Leslie set up this competition he's doing in Neptune's for tonight?
06:36I think you'll need some tables from the Hawaiian function room.
06:39No problem.
06:45I've also heard loads of things about Mateo.
06:50Was he wearing makeup?
06:54I don't know.
06:54I don't think he was wearing any makeup.
06:56I don't think he was wearing any makeup.
06:57I don't think he was wearing any makeup.
06:58I don't think he was wearing any makeup.
07:00He was looking a little bit fresh and younger.
07:05Everything's okay?
07:06You're looking very fresh-faced.
07:08What is fish-faced?
07:10Not fish-faced. Fresh-faced. You know, youthful, boyish.
07:13Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
07:15I think I understood until you got to the bushy-tail.
07:18You haven't been to see Kenneth by any chance, have you?
07:22Kenneth?
07:23Yes. I notice business is very brisk for him lately.
07:28Most people seem to be leaving his salon looking 10 years younger.
07:32No. I do not know about this.
07:36Perhaps because I have a shave today, maybe this is why you like my bushy-tail.
07:39Close your eyes and lean forward.
07:41What are you going to do?
07:42Do you like working here?
07:44No.
07:46I'll rephrase that. Do you need this job?
07:49Yes.
07:50Then close your eyes and lean forward.
07:54What are you going to do?
07:57I'm going to jab you in the forehead with this drinking straw.
08:05Okay. Tell me when you are going to do it.
08:09Hello? Miss Temple Savage, can I open my eyes now?
08:14Has he had Botox or something?
08:17Right. Who's next?
08:19It's Lorraine next. Lorraine?
08:22Uh, Kenneth, could I have a word, please?
08:24Sorry, Joyce. I'm rushed off my feet.
08:26Fine. I'll just go and check your electricity supply.
08:30Make sure there are no imminent blowouts.
08:33That's blackmail.
08:35Or is it extortion?
08:38Actually, you're in luck. I was due a fag break anyway.
08:41Back in five minutes, ladies.
08:45Kenneth. Kenneth. Kenneth.
08:48Come on, buddy.
08:49Come on. We'll have to go outside.
08:51Hang on. This won't take a minute.
08:54I need to know what you're doing in there.
08:56Well, what we always do. Hair and beauty.
08:58Then why are you all dragged up like Dr. Kildare?
09:01Who?
09:02Kenneth, I need to know what's going on in my hotel.
09:05Head Office have been on the phone, and I just can't stall them any longer.
09:08Head Office?
09:09Crystal Hennessy-Vass herself.
09:12Well, we've started to diversify.
09:15Well, go on.
09:16Waxing.
09:16Eyelash tint.
09:17Bit of Botox.
09:18Botox?
09:19I knew it. Don't you need a license for that?
09:21Shhh.
09:22Do you?
09:23Keep your voice down.
09:23I'm sorry, Kenneth.
09:25I cannot allow backstreet Botox on my premises.
09:28This kind of thing has to be administered by a licensed medical practitioner.
09:32All right. Don't get your knickers in a twist.
09:34I'm not exactly Vera Drake.
09:37I don't see how I can keep this from Head Office.
09:40How many do you want?
09:42I beg your pardon?
09:43How many do you want?
09:45I beg your pardon?
09:46How many free Botox sessions do you want?
09:48Do you honestly think my loyalty to the Solana Group
09:51can be paid off with free Botox injections?
09:54Yes.
09:55Three sessions.
09:56Five.
09:56Half past seven.
09:57Six o'clock.
09:58See you there.
10:01Come on, hurry up. The clients are starting to turn ugly.
10:04I know. Why do you think we're doing this in the first place?
10:07Yeah, someone sent me this copy.
10:10So it's slightly different to the other ones I've done,
10:14which is just a full thing through.
10:16But they said very specifically for one scene,
10:21they're pretty sure that the file I would have had that I've been using
10:26would have a difference of music.
10:28And it's quite important, apparently, to to have a different kind of music.
10:34Important, apparently, to have that original piece of music.
10:39And so that's why I'm going with this one for this particular video.
10:53Right, better start thinking about a bit of lunch.
10:57A little light salad, I think.
10:59Got to get back to my fighting lights.
11:01It's going to take you a while, mate.
11:15Oh!
11:31Oh!
11:37Oh, my God.
11:50Oh!
11:53OK, this is going to add a new interesting dynamic.
11:58Oh!
12:11Nah, you look beautiful, Leslie.
12:22Hey.
12:28Sure, no problem.
12:37Yeah, right.
12:47Can't beat a bit of bullying.
12:58Yeah, he's got a point.
13:02Oh!
13:06Well, she's dead.
13:08OK, move out of the way.
13:09Move out of the way.
13:14What happened?
13:15Are you friends with this woman?
13:17No, but she's my sister.
13:18Oh, my God.
13:20What's happened?
13:21She has been hit on the head by a falling lemon.
13:23Falling from where?
13:24From a lemon tree.
13:26Well, the only tree around here is a palm tree.
13:28No, this is a lemon palm tree.
13:31It's exclusive to Benidorm.
13:32Of course, it is.
13:33It didn't hit her on the head.
13:34It hit her in the face.
13:36How do you know that?
13:36How does a lemon fall from a tree that high
13:38and then turn a corner to hit somebody in the face?
13:40I was once popped in the face with a banana
13:43at a wedding reception.
13:45I'll bet you were.
13:46That seemed to go around a corner.
13:48It nearly took me out.
13:50I'll bet it did.
13:51Oh, what happened?
13:52What happened to me?
13:53Where am I?
13:56Oh, hello.
13:59Who are you?
14:01You're fit as...
14:03Oh, my God.
14:05She is hallucinating.
14:09My name is Mateo.
14:11You have had a tragic freak accident
14:13where no one is to blame.
14:16Do you feel okay?
14:17What did you say your name was?
14:18My name is Mateo.
14:20Mateo.
14:22Mateo.
14:24Are you feeling okay?
14:25No, not really.
14:27Can you describe your symptoms?
14:28Well, for a kickoff,
14:30my auntie Mary's twitching like a rabbit's nose.
14:32Oh, she's gross.
14:36There's nothing wrong with her.
14:37She's got a massive black eye.
14:40What's going on?
14:41Is everybody okay?
14:43There has been an accident.
14:45I think they call it the force of God.
14:47Do you know where there are no responsibles?
14:49You want to pick someone up that palm tree
14:50to pull the rest of those lemons off?
14:52They're a death track.
14:54Mateo, Mateo, I want Mateo.
15:01What exactly happened?
15:03I think the lemon fall from the tree.
15:07Maybe it hit the woman in the face.
15:10You mean this wax lemon fell from that palm tree
15:14and hit that woman full in the face?
15:16Yes.
15:17It is a mystery.
15:19Take this lemon and put it with the fruit in the bowl,
15:21which just happens to be sitting on your bar.
15:24Let us hope, for your sake,
15:26the woman that got hit in the face with the lemon
15:28does not solve the mystery
15:31because that will put you out of a job.
15:34How many times has Mateo been threatened with losing his job
15:37and he always survives?
15:39I think this guy will be here to the end of the series, clearly.
15:45What was that on his shirt?
15:46What's going on?
15:47Clothes.
15:51I always love Kenneth's shirts.
15:54I'm afraid we've run out of supplies.
15:55A victim of our own success, you might say.
15:58What are you talking about?
15:59I've got an appointment at six o'clock.
16:00You're deaf.
16:01I've just told you we've sold out.
16:02Haven't we, Liam?
16:03Completely sold out.
16:04We've gone through more needles this week
16:06than a crack house at Christmas.
16:07Now listen to me.
16:08We had a deal.
16:09Look, it's not shampoo we've run out of.
16:11I can't just send Liam out to the Chinese shop
16:13to get a bag of Botox now, can I?
16:16We could always borrow some off Herbert.
16:17There you go.
16:18We can borrow some off Herbert.
16:19You don't even know who Herbert is.
16:21Yeah.
16:21No, I don't.
16:21But he's got some spare Botox.
16:24Keep your voice down, will you?
16:26Look, why can't you just wait until Monday?
16:29Wait until Monday?
16:29What are you talking about?
16:30My face is dropping with every passing second.
16:32Yes, he looks it.
16:33Thank you.
16:34For God's sake.
16:35Look, just go up to Herbert
16:37and ask him if we can lend three or four boxes.
16:40Three or four boxes?
16:41I'm not that bad.
16:42Calm down, they're not all for you.
16:43Have a next door in the Piccadilly bar
16:45having a well-deserved pint.
16:46Right, we'll give you a shout when we're ready for you.
16:48I hope you're not going to have a drink
16:50before injecting into my face.
16:52Well, what I was thinking of doing
16:54was getting completely hammered
16:55and then putting you up in front of the dartboard
16:56for that quiz tonight
16:57and then trying to score 180 in your forehead
17:00with three hypodermics.
17:02He's joking.
17:03We'll give you a shout when we get there.
17:04I don't think he is that joking, actually.
17:22So, basically, it's teams of two.
17:29That's what we're looking for.
17:30Right.
17:30One dart player and one quiz player.
17:33Now, we've only got space for four teams.
17:36So, come on, don't be shy.
17:38We're going to get started after this next one.
17:40I'll do it.
17:41I'll do it on my own.
17:42Are you any good with arrows?
17:44Arrows?
17:45Darts.
17:46Because I can't wait till Monday's eye out.
17:47Oh, they're actually playing the Bullseye music.
17:50Mind you, I'm not that good at general knowledge either.
17:54I mean, I love my puzzle books,
17:56but without Donald,
17:57I wouldn't know the capital of Paris.
18:01The capital of France.
18:03I don't know that either.
18:07Come on, you throwing the darts,
18:09me answering the questions.
18:11Weren't you once in a women's darts team?
18:14Not quite.
18:15A men's darts team.
18:16Dad, I'm putting our names down.
18:18Yeah, whatever.
18:20You could still be concussed.
18:22You know that.
18:23You should be in bed.
18:24I intend to be, and not on my own.
18:29How are you feeling?
18:30Oh, not too bad, thanks.
18:31I didn't put any makeup on my bruise
18:32because it hurt too much.
18:34You must think I look horrendous.
18:36Yes, but you cannot see the bruise.
18:39Any drinks?
18:40Yeah, same again.
18:41I'll be up there with a quiz.
18:43Okay.
18:45I don't think he likes you.
18:48Now, come on, ladies and gents.
18:49I know there's no prize,
18:50but it's only a bit of fun.
18:52There must be two more people out there
18:54that want to play.
18:56Me?
18:57I'll come there.
18:58I like darts.
18:58I'm going to start with the questions.
19:01Nobody else?
19:02Oh, they're boring, aren't they?
19:04Okay, I'm going to execute.
19:05Jesus, what the hell was that?
19:07You could have taken somebody's life.
19:08Bloody hell.
19:09Who was that?
19:12You've got your final team, my friend.
19:18Yes!
19:18Geoff Maltby.
19:20A.K.A.
19:22The Oligarch.
19:23Yes!
19:24And I'm Norris.
19:26She's my PA!
19:27And she's my PA!
19:28Yes!
19:29Get in!
19:30Let's do this.
19:32Just back!
19:40Oh, the rest.
19:43Oh, yes!
19:45I said, I said,
19:46the guard is leaving and a big hole to fill
19:49and Geoff is filling it.
19:51Get in!
19:57Now I know why you guys said to wait for this one.
19:59Oh, you fuckers.
20:09Easy!
20:10Easy!
20:12Easy!
20:12Calm down, fella.
20:14It's only a game.
20:16Not for Geoff.
20:18It ain't just a game for Geoff.
20:20Oh, yes!
20:25Bring it on, baby!
20:29No, my friend.
20:31Believe me.
20:33It's never only a game.
20:43Get in!
20:47Where have you been?
20:48I told you I was going to the Piccadilly.
20:50I didn't think you'd still be there.
20:51I've always gone ages.
20:52Tell me about it.
20:53I've exhausted my repertoire.
20:54I did Wonderful World, Little White Bull.
20:57I texted you to see if you wanted to do Cinderella Rockefeller
20:59but you never replied.
21:02Are you drunk?
21:03No, I am not drunk.
21:04How dare you?
21:05I had three or four pints.
21:06Three or four pints?
21:08Oh, yeah, give us that here.
21:10The Wicked Witch of the West will be here soon.
21:12Want my face pumped with poison.
21:14Oh, I haven't seen these before.
21:16How much did Herbert charge you for these?
21:18They're not from Herbert.
21:19Who are they from?
21:20Curl Up and Die?
21:21No.
21:22Julie's?
21:22No.
21:23Oh, they're not from Benny in the indoor market, are they?
21:25She'll have mixed these up herself.
21:26I got them from the Chinese shop.
21:28What?
21:29I was taking the piss when I said that.
21:31I know you were but I've been everywhere else
21:33and nobody seemed to have any
21:34so I thought it can't hurt to ask and he gave me these.
21:36It's not actually Botox but it'll do the trick.
21:40How much were they?
21:41How much do you usually pay?
21:42Can't remember.
21:44About 80 euros a box.
21:45Four euros.
21:47Four euros?
21:48Per box.
21:48That's four boxes, 16 euros.
21:50But I haggled them down to 10.
21:52Liam.
21:53Wait.
21:55If you don't do this now, I'm cutting off your water.
22:01Um.
22:02Well?
22:02Well.
22:06Take a seat.
22:07Yes.
22:09This is gonna go so well, isn't it?
22:11Oh, look at that stare.
22:20Come on, fella, you're holding up the course.
22:22You don't understand, do you?
22:24It's not me against them.
22:27It's me against the board.
22:30I'm psyching the board out.
22:31Can you do it a bit quicker?
22:33Or we'll have a riot on our hands.
22:35Any time today, Geoff.
22:4216.
22:47Oh, go on, go on.
22:52What a great team!
22:56What a great team!
23:00Now I see why people say I needed this specific.
23:02Now I see why people say I needed this specific one for this music.
23:07Because this would have been on there.
23:08He had a few sugary drinks on the plane.
23:12You must have been giddy first day of your holiday.
23:15No, but I'm giddy now seeing you, Noreen.
23:18Okay, that's the first round, Geoff.
23:20The oracle.
23:21Oh, sorry.
23:21The oracle.
23:24And the question is, uh, general knowledge.
23:27Noreen, for 180 points.
23:30Oh, God.
23:31Philip Treacy is most famous for designing what?
23:35Oh, let me think.
23:41Um, no, he'll have to do it again.
23:45I mean, can I have the question again?
23:48Philip Treacy is most famous for designing what?
23:52I think the answer is cats.
24:03Does Treacy Phillips design cats?
24:07No.
24:08Philip Treacy, but is cats your final answer?
24:17Yeah, thanks.
24:19Yes, cats, final answer.
24:23I'm sorry, that's the wrong answer.
24:25But I can hand it over.
24:26Is it hats?
24:27It is indeed.
24:2928 points scored.
24:31God, I love Noreen.
24:33Clive to throw first.
24:40Go on, Dad, go on.
24:42Go, Clive.
24:44Two.
24:47Three.
24:49Another two.
24:50Seven scored.
24:51Maybe take your glasses off.
24:52You might actually be better at it.
24:53Don't be afraid of using the top half of the board.
24:56I'll always pull them out for you.
24:58Cheeky bastard.
25:03Oh, I'm so happy that Jeff is back.
25:05Look, we've not had him now for what?
25:07About four series?
25:08Well, three and a bit.
25:10Here, does my eye look a bit wonky?
25:12Yes.
25:13Well, it is wonky.
25:14You know, a bit dodgy.
25:15Everything's a bit blurred.
25:17Can you have a look?
25:18No, I think it's okay.
25:23I might have to go and have a lie down.
25:25Room 382.
25:26The thing is, I haven't got one of them signs for the door.
25:29Do you know what I mean?
25:31Do you think I might be disturbed?
25:33Well, do you mean like crazy?
25:36Is it not for me to say?
25:37No, I mean without the sign on the door.
25:40What are the chances of someone entering my private space?
25:45Room 382.
25:47Don't worry.
25:48The hotel is very safe.
25:50There is almost zero chance of any person entering your private space for the whole of your life.
25:58Story of my life, mate.
26:01You're coming off very strong.
26:02This is floor one, Mayor Parry.
26:04Go and look in.
26:05Hey, Clyde's up next.
26:11Whoa, whoa, whoa.
26:13Yeah, that was fast.
26:14Let's have a look.
26:1525, 10.
26:17Another 20, 55.
26:19Puts you in the lead.
26:20Not bad.
26:21He literally was throwing that like a guy I went to school with.
26:24There's a guy who's actually on the pro darts tour, a guy called Ricky Evans,
26:29who he's literally known as Rapid Ricky,
26:34because like most darts players, they'll be there and they'll be...
26:39But he will literally, he'll go up there and he'll just go boop, boop, boop, so fast.
26:44And he's surprisingly reasonably accurate for doing it that fast.
26:48Oh, Sean, Jeff's next on your bin.
26:52Oh, here we go.
26:53Someone go and make a cup of tea.
26:55We'll be back in an hour.
26:57Now, he's scoring big, but his team mate just can't seem to come up with the answers.
27:02Do you mind?
27:03Sorry, sorry.
27:07Just settle in now.
27:1555.
27:19Why do you keep talking?
27:20I'm just doing what I'm doing, I'm telling you.
27:22Don't just shut up.
27:24To be fair, he does sound like the one for the team.
27:27Can we have a bit of order, please?
27:29If for God's sake, how am I supposed to concentrate with that racket going on?
27:33Hey!
27:37Thank you.
27:40You've never been to the Alley Pally for the darts, mate?
27:44Well, that's too quiet now.
27:52You're just taking the piss.
27:54No, mate.
27:55It's you that's taking the piss.
27:57Just throw your darts.
27:59Talk about I'm good and ready.
28:00You're holding it all up.
28:02You know what the problem is with my son, don't you?
28:06He's an idiot.
28:08Well, I suppose that's consumptive.
28:11Yeah.
28:12No, his problem is he was born too soon.
28:16How do you mean?
28:17Well, these days, they have untold numbers of conditions.
28:23Asperger's, autism, ACDC.
28:28But when I, Geoff, was around...
28:29ADHD.
28:31Well, he was just annoying.
28:37Well, if you tell Penfield here to calm down...
28:40Well, you started it.
28:42All right.
28:43Game on.
28:44The oracle on the floor.
28:5055 to beat.
28:52Come on, Geoff.
29:01That's five scored.
29:02Come on.
29:03Come on, Geoff.
29:13Keep it together.
29:14Keep it together.
29:23Oh.
29:25Oh, he's actually got his own personalised darts.
29:28Love it.
29:30Yeah!
29:33Da-da-da!
29:36Better than all the rest.
29:38Easy!
29:39Easy!
29:40Easy!
29:41Shall we just go on?
29:43Have a bit of order, we'll have a question.
29:45Noreen, how many wings does a butterfly have?
29:50Oh, now, I know this one because it's a trick question, isn't it?
29:56No.
29:56Not really.
29:57A butterfly has no wings.
30:01Is that your final answer?
30:03No wings.
30:09Final answer.
30:11I'm sorry.
30:12It's all well and good being good at darts, if you can't get the answers.
30:17Oh, I was thinking of a caterpillar.
30:24Poor Noreen.
30:26Unbelievable.
30:27You've got to love Noreen.
30:30Yes, my friend.
30:31Ba-ba-ba-da!
30:57Sounds like diabetes in a glass.
31:02Of course.
31:03How are you feeling?
31:04Eh?
31:05The incident today, when you got hit in the face with a lemon.
31:09I inadvertently recorded the whole thing on my phone if you wanted to have a look.
31:14I've seen enough videos of me falling arse over tit, thanks.
31:17I can't think of one of me doing it sober is going to be much different.
31:19You've obviously forgiven him.
31:21Forgiven who?
31:32Uh-oh.
31:42Oh.
31:43Oh, dear.
31:45Thank you very much.
31:47Something for you?
31:49I'll have a vodka and coke.
31:51No lemon.
31:52I've heard they can be lethal in the wrong hands.
31:56Oh, yes.
31:57We've got a lot of lines to fill in here.
32:00She looks like a road map of North Wales.
32:02I think we're going to need more than one session.
32:05More than one session?
32:06I think we need a foot pump.
32:07Do you mind not discussing me like a piece of meat?
32:11This is the free consultation.
32:13Free?
32:14How many people actually pay you to psychologically rip them to pieces?
32:19Look, we have to assess the condemned building before we try to underpin the foundation.
32:23Will you just get on with it?
32:25She's right, you know, we're wasting valuable supping time.
32:28True.
32:30Mm-hmm.
32:34Liam.
32:37Let the magic begin.
32:42Mark!
32:43What the bloody hell's the matter with you?
32:44I haven't got anywhere near you yet.
32:46It's a needle.
32:47What about it?
32:48Yeah, it's gone.
32:49Oh.
32:50So why have you booked in for a course of Botox?
32:52Because I thought my eyes would be closed.
32:54Then close them.
32:55Close your eyes.
32:56I can't now.
32:57I've seen you holding a needle.
32:58Close your eyes.
33:03That was just me hand.
33:05I'm sorry.
33:06Right, forget it.
33:07Please, please, have you got something I could bite onto?
33:11Like a piece of wood.
33:12You want to bite onto a piece of wood?
33:13We're not sawing your leg off.
33:15I could do my lullaby.
33:16What lullaby?
33:17When I was a teenager, I used to sing a lullaby to my sisters to send them to sleep.
33:21She's hardly a baby.
33:23There were 22 at the time.
33:24Oh God, the mind boggles.
33:26Right, get on with it.
33:28Are we going to get to meet the sisters then or something?
33:32Go to sleep, go to sleep, close your big bloodshot eyes.
33:39Go to sleep, go to sleep, the Sandman waits for you.
33:47That's 20, which makes a total of 100.
33:59Not bad.
34:00To take the fifth round.
34:01Come on, Nori, get an answer.
34:04Your question is on ancient history.
34:07Oh, for God's sake.
34:08You've just asked him, where do the Wombles live?
34:11It's inconsistency.
34:12I'm sorry, I'm just reading the question.
34:13It has to come out.
34:15Who?
34:16Archaeologist Howard Carter is most famously credited with discovering-
34:22Susan Cartman.
34:22What?
34:23Susan Cartman.
34:24Howard Carter, Howard Carter.
34:29He's cheating.
34:30What are you talking about?
34:31I'm just standing with my arms crossed.
34:33Yeah, and who crosses their arms like that?
34:35Gentlemen, gentlemen, best of order, please.
34:39Nori, do you have an answer?
34:41Um, Howard Carter.
34:47I don't know why they're so worried.
34:49He's trying to help, but she's still rubbish.
34:50The same old one who needed a wash in Tate, lads.
34:52No, I'm sorry.
34:54He discovered Tutankhamen's tomb.
34:57Howard Carter, I mean.
34:58Not that young lad from Tate, lads.
35:01Hang on, weren't you meant to be firing these questions over?
35:03Well, it's too late now.
35:05The next question is for Tiger, and it's on television.
35:08What is Delboyne's surname?
35:12Chutter.
35:13Yep.
35:14No, no, no.
35:14I'm not having that.
35:15No way.
35:16What are you doing, man?
35:17It is Chutter.
35:18That's the right answer.
35:19What are you doing, man?
35:20That is enough.
35:21You're no longer in the competition.
35:22Look, it's a fix.
35:23Have you heard the questions?
35:24They've been asked.
35:25Come on, son.
35:26Let's sit down and have a drink.
35:29Come on, come on.
35:32I want to speak to the manager.
35:34It's a bloody disgrace.
35:35You've not got a clue, none of you.
35:38Look, man, I'm just meeting the president in a minute.
35:40I'm just meeting him off the pier.
35:42But it's wonderful.
35:43You look 10 years younger.
35:44Well, I must admit, I do feel that.
35:48Oh, my God.
35:52I don't think Joyce has you mad, Jeff.
35:54Yeah, has she?
35:56The quiz is over.
35:57I knew this was a bad idea.
35:59It is him, the mama's boy.
36:00He's causing the trouble.
36:01She's not my mum.
36:02She's a business associate.
36:04Please.
36:05She's a peer.
36:05Can we finish the quiz?
36:07We came a day early because we saw it on the website.
36:11Sorry, I can't have any more trouble.
36:13No more trouble, please.
36:16I promise.
36:17Get this wound up and get the karaoke on.
36:20Sit down.
36:26Is Tampa savage?
36:27You're OK?
36:28I'm fine.
36:29Come on, get it wrapped up.
36:31I'm not sure that that was both of us at the end of it.
36:34Who cares to fail around on its own cheers?
36:37Would all contestants please swap places with the partners?
36:41You've got to be joking, huh?
36:42Sit.
36:45All right, Cathy to throw first.
36:48No, he may suddenly actually be an incredible good dance player.
36:54Excuse me, my face feels rather strange.
36:58Well, of course it does.
36:59Everything feels strange the first time.
37:01Even you must remember that.
37:03A bit of tingling in the face is very common.
37:05Yes, but you injected me in my forehead
37:10and I can feel it in my neck.
37:12Well, let's face it, a bit of tightening around that baggy old gizzard
37:15isn't going to do you any harm, is it?
37:19No offence.
37:20None taken, I'm sure.
37:24Right, sup up.
37:25Where are we going?
37:26Anywhere.
37:27Where are we going?
37:28Anywhere.
37:33I do not know what to say.
37:35It was an accident.
37:36I might have brain damage.
37:37And you think being hit in the head with a lemon could make it worse?
37:40No, I mean you might have caused it.
37:43Tequila!
37:44You know, in my family, we have a saying.
37:47A lemon in the face is better than a toad in the hole.
37:53That's quite a specific family saying.
37:55Yeah.
37:55Claro, my mother, she's very wise.
37:58Yeah, but we got quite a wise saying in our family and all.
38:01Where there's blame, there's a claim.
38:03Please, you do not understand.
38:04I could lose my job here.
38:06I don't want you to lose your job.
38:08But I reckon I am due some sort of compensation.
38:11Please, I get nothing.
38:13Look, my trousers, they are empty.
38:16I very much doubt that.
38:26I beg your pardon?
38:27You what?
38:28I said, I trust you more than you on your evening.
38:32I think she said, I trust you more than you on your evening.
38:36Oh, right.
38:37Very good, thank you.
38:43There's not a ventriloquist on tonight, is there?
38:48She's used to talking with a gag in her mouth, isn't she?
38:51So now we've got Tyler for Clive, 31 to beat.
38:59You're shut in now.
39:03Leslie, you got told to shut in.
39:05What do you think you're doing?
39:07It's all right.
39:08You can take that one again, son, if you want to.
39:11But it is a trouble making.
39:12Oh, wicked.
39:16Nice.
39:18What do you think you're doing?
39:19I thought it helped you.
39:20I said, I don't know, you dick.
39:23Come on, ladies.
39:24Do you mind saving this little domestic for later?
39:26We've a match to finish.
39:31You're not your war.
39:3358 scored.
39:34No ring.
39:35You need 59 or more to take the final roll.
39:38Come on, Dobie.
39:39Trouble 20.
39:39I don't think these are the right glasses for this sort of thing.
39:43For a Clive.
39:45Right, here we go.
39:50Bloody hell.
39:55Do us all a favour, love, and find you the glasses.
39:57I've left my readers in my room.
40:00Come on, get on with it.
40:01Just concentrate and look at the board.
40:04If you see where you want to be in a trouble 20,
40:06know where you're at the right height.
40:07Just about three foot two wide.
40:09Like mother, like son.
40:10Excuse me, PA.
40:14It'd be helpful if you looked at the board.
40:17Hang on.
40:19Hang on.
40:25What the hell is he doing?
40:32Right, throw it at me head.
40:34What?
40:35Hang on a minute.
40:37Throw the dart exactly the same, but at the top of my forehead.
40:40Yeah, go on, Noémie, you can do it.
40:42Give me the dart, he said.
40:43Don't think about it.
40:45Just do it.
40:4759 to take the roll.
40:49Come on, Noémie, you can do it.
40:54Hey!
41:01Your question is unpopulated.
41:04Bring it on.
41:05OK.
41:071960s piano playing legend Gladys Jordan was better known as who?
41:15Um.
41:17This is easy.
41:18Shut up.
41:19I'm most sorry, Jeff.
41:22Can I hear the question again, please?
41:251960s piano playing legend Gladys Jordan was better known as who?
41:32Even I know this one.
41:33Stevie Wonder?
41:35I'm going to have to press you for an answer.
41:38I've got it.
41:40It's a trick question.
41:41The answer is Liberace.
41:44You think Liberace's real name is Gladys Jordan?
41:47I'm sorry, Jeff, that's not the answer I've got on the call here.
41:51I can throw it over to Clive.
41:53Mrs Mills?
41:54Invalid question.
41:55No idea.
41:57Invalid question.
41:58Piano solos cannot be categorized as pop songs.
42:01Oh, I think you're splitting hairs now, son.
42:04This is just rubbish.
42:05Where are the proper questions?
42:07Somebody ask me any of the names of the 44 presidents of the United States.
42:13Go on, ask me.
42:14Number six, John Quincy Adams.
42:17Number 19, Rutherford B. Hayes.
42:2035th, John F. Kennedy.
42:23All right, all right, that's enough.
42:25What is the chemical element symbol for mercury?
42:29Hg.
42:30What's the longest river in Europe?
42:32The Volga.
42:33Who was the youngest person to ever have won Wimbledon?
42:36You don't know, do you?
42:37The Empress?
42:38Charlotte Dodd.
42:391887.
42:40Come on, son.
42:42Let's try and be magnanimous and defeat.
42:45Yeah!
42:47It's a joke.
42:49It's null and void.
42:52Look!
42:53Look!
42:55It's not even a real dartboard, anyway!
42:59Look!
43:01Look!
43:03Look!
43:09I am the oracle!
43:10Hear me roar!
43:12Hear me roar!
43:15Can you hear me up here, please?
43:17Can you hear me, everybody?
43:19Can you hear me, oracle?
43:29Are you feeling all right, Mrs. Templer-Summage?
43:31No, this is nothing.
43:33We're all trying to lie down.
43:39Darren, get some music on.
43:41Get over here.
43:42Give me a hand to get her outside.
43:45Come on, this way.
43:47The Empress is listening.
43:51She's literally a plank.
44:00Mumbo number five!
44:03Come on, son.
44:05Let's have a little renaissance.
44:07What's it all about?
44:09It's a joke.
44:15Come on!
44:18He's back!
44:24Yes!
44:25And we love it!
44:27No!
44:45Whoa!
44:47A day out!
45:14Oh, don't worry.
45:16He's already paid in full.
45:18And I think if I play my cards right,
45:20he might give me another instalment tomorrow night.
45:22Oh!
45:24Ooh.
45:26Yeah, that's right.
45:34Here you go, son.
45:36Nice cup of horlicks.
45:38Where did you get that from?
45:40I brought it with us.
45:42You see, you can always rely
45:44on your old mum.
45:46Yes!
45:48Have you taken your tablets?
45:50I don't want you getting all upset again.
45:52Dr Loomis gave me a spare bottle,
45:54you know, for your panic attacks.
45:56They're not panic attacks.
46:00People don't understand what it means
46:02to be a tortured genius.
46:04You're like your father.
46:08On our last holiday,
46:10as we went through customs,
46:12he shouted,
46:14I have nothing to declare
46:16but my genius.
46:18Wild.
46:20Wild? He was furious.
46:22They found 2,000 ciggies
46:24and a novelty lighter
46:26in the shape of a hand grenade.
46:32Feels funny,
46:34us half in separate apartments.
46:38Do you want me to pull out a Z-bed?
46:40No, Mother.
46:42I'm 40 years old.
46:46I'll be fine.
46:48All right, son.
46:50See you in the morning.
46:52See you in the morning.
46:56Do you want me to leave the light on
46:58in the other room
47:00and this door ajar
47:02just as a nightlight?
47:04Yes, please.
47:08Good night, son.
47:10Good night.
47:34I love Noreen.
47:38I just want to give her
47:40a big, big hug.
47:46She's like everyone's perfect mum
47:48and grandma.
47:52I love Noreen.
47:54I just want to give her
47:56a big, big hug.
47:58I love Noreen.
48:01She's like everyone's perfect mum
48:03and grandma.
48:09Damn!
48:11Who's pop star impression will win
48:13the next heat of brand new Harry Hill
48:15Stars in Their Eyes? Find out tomorrow at 7.
48:17Sunday at 6.45,
48:19which celebs can hack the pressure
48:21performing new skills? It's new
48:23Get Your Act Together with Stephen Mulhern.
48:25If it's food and a possible love story
48:27you're after, head over to ITV B Next
48:29for dinner dates. What's next
48:31on ITV at 6?
48:33Okay.
48:35Well,
48:37that
48:39yeah
48:41there's quite a bit to talk about
48:43with that one.
48:45Right,
48:47where the bloody hell
48:49do we
48:51even begin
48:53with that one?
48:55All right.
48:59Let's start
49:01with the obvious.
49:03Jeff.
49:05Jeff's back!
49:07You know what?
49:09It's ironic
49:11because
49:13right before I went on holiday
49:15I did
49:17literally the very last video
49:19that I released before I went away.
49:21It was my reaction
49:23to the Travelman episode
49:25which featured
49:27Johnny Vegas
49:29where he and Richard Ayoade went
49:31to Dubai.
49:33And I said
49:35in that
49:37that
49:39I kind of missed him
49:41and I've missed him on Ben and Dom
49:43and I'd love to see him back. Little did I know
49:45literally the next time I watch Ben and Dom
49:47he would be back!
49:49So
49:51Yes! Yes! Yes!
49:53Yes! Yes! Yes!
49:55Now, I was thinking
49:57in that sort of final
49:59scene
50:03that they've not mentioned
50:05it at all
50:07but Chantel
50:09isn't here nor is baby
50:11Julio nor is the
50:13supposed baby that Chantel
50:15and Jeff are going to be having together
50:17or I presume have had by this
50:19point
50:21I presume
50:23they're going to turn up in the next episode because
50:25Noreen did obviously say
50:27they arrived a day early
50:29because they're
50:31because of the
50:33quiz so it makes sense
50:35they go out a day early
50:37they do the quiz, Chantel, Julio
50:39and the other baby
50:41come from next week, excuse me
50:45So looking forward
50:47looking forward to having Chantel back
50:49really looking forward to seeing her
50:51because
50:53that
50:55in that specific episode
50:59that was series 1 Jeff again
51:01that was Jeff
51:03oh god I think
51:05it was maybe
51:07yeah I'm pretty
51:09I'm 99% certain it was
51:11episode 5 of the first series
51:13because it was the penultimate one of that
51:16where they did the quiz
51:18in that
51:20which led to the Garvey's winning
51:22they won some money so they went to the beach
51:24on the last day
51:26I'm pretty sure it was episode 5
51:28but yeah Jeff's
51:30outburst is literally
51:32so reminiscent of that
51:34episode and
51:38he is a guy
51:40that is so unhinged
51:42but
51:44he was showing
51:46you know real signs of
51:48improvement with Chantel
51:50towards the end of series 3
51:56which
51:58I'm now actually thinking
52:00do we maybe not have
52:02Chantel
52:04could it be that the reason that he's
52:06sort of reverted a little bit
52:08is maybe that they've broken up
52:10I don't know, we will obviously have to wait and see
52:12who it is
52:14but
52:16what hasn't changed
52:18is his relationship
52:20with Noreen
52:22oh my god
52:24I have missed Noreen
52:26so much
52:28so so so so
52:30much
52:32excuse me
52:34yeah
52:36Noreen she is just
52:38so wonderful as a character
52:40so ditzy
52:42so lovable
52:44a pure heart
52:46of gold
52:48and I love her
52:50and I tell you what
52:52I would like
52:54now that we've got Jeff back
52:56even if it's just once
52:58we see Noreen
53:00Jeff
53:02and
53:04oh what's her daughter's name
53:06um
53:10I don't know what I want to say
53:12Janine or
53:14something like that
53:18yeah I can't remember her daughter's name
53:20but yeah whatever the daughter's name was
53:22see the three of them together
53:24that would be
53:26interesting to see the dynamic
53:28between them
53:30as for other new characters
53:32we've got one other new one
53:34sort of
53:36so Terry
53:38the sister of Clive
53:40who was in the
53:42opening episode
53:44and that was the scene
53:46where we saw Clive in the UK
53:48and
53:50I said at the time
53:52it was a bit weird that they
53:54chose to show Clive on the phone
53:56because they would never really
53:58do that normally
54:00you just see one side of the conversation
54:02and so
54:04you saw Clive in the UK
54:06and you also saw Terry
54:08so it was a strange one
54:10then
54:12to see Terry in that
54:14it now makes sense that they've brought her into the show
54:16they've brought her out here
54:18so it was a very brief introduction
54:20in episode one of this series
54:22to then bring her in
54:24full blown into this
54:26and she's cringe
54:28she's really cringe as a character
54:30I mean we've had
54:32some cringey characters before
54:35the likes of Trudy
54:37and Sam
54:39and what was her friend's name
54:41erm
54:43erm
54:45I can't remember
54:47it was the one that Sam was friends with in series
54:49four
54:51yeah series four
54:53she went on Loli and then the next year
54:55she came on Loli with Trudy
54:57yeah she's a very
54:59crude and vulgar
55:01character this Terry
55:03but you know what
55:05I think she's going to
55:07compliment Clive better than
55:09Tonya did I mean don't get me wrong
55:11I love Hannah Waddingham but yeah
55:13I think Terry will just compliment Clive
55:15a little bit better
55:17and it'll be interesting to see what dynamic Tiger
55:19has with her
55:21erm and Joyce
55:23Joyce has now got Botox
55:25or some sort of Botox
55:27knock off so she's going to be ill
55:29and maybe off for a while
55:31we'll have to see
55:33but that is
55:35the end of my reaction to Ben and Dom series
55:377 episode 3 I thank you so very much
55:39for patiently
55:41waiting whilst I was away
55:43I really did enjoy myself
55:45I really did have a great time
55:47abroad and hopefully
55:49you can see that I've got a nice
55:51tan to show
55:53for my time away
55:55it was very hot out there
55:57unfortunately food wise
55:59it didn't work well for me
56:01in terms of my slimming world
56:03diet
56:05yeah that's the problem with all inclusives
56:07a lot of time they add a lot
56:09of cream and cheese
56:11and oil and stuff
56:13erm
56:15so yeah that's
56:17not done my belt size
56:19any good whilst I've been out there
56:21but hey I really enjoyed myself
56:23and
56:25apart from my feet
56:27if you missed
56:29because I did a release earlier on today
56:31I did my monthly plans video
56:33for the month of July
56:35and I briefly spoke in that
56:37that when I was out there
56:39I got bitten to high heavens
56:41by insects and mosquitoes
56:43and something
56:45out there and literally my feet
56:47really swelled up to the point that I had to go
56:49to the doctors literally the day I got back home
56:51and get antibiotics and everything
56:53it was really bad and to be fair
56:55I'm really itchy
56:57so at any point in the next few videos
56:59if you see me suddenly lean down
57:01and you hear some
57:03kind of thing
57:05it's literally
57:07I'm scratching my ankles or my legs
57:09where I've still got the bites
57:11and it's just
57:13very painful
57:15but yeah that's going to do it
57:17sorry for a little waffle at the end there
57:19don't forget to subscribe if you're new
57:21don't forget to drop your comments as well
57:23of course on the original YouTube video
57:25don't forget if you look in the video
57:27sorry the pin
57:29no yeah the video description
57:31there's a link to my
57:33Google Drive document where there is
57:35a list of all of the things
57:37that I have done reactions to on the channel
57:39so if there is something that you've
57:41thought about maybe suggesting you can always
57:43check it on there see if I've already done it
57:45if not give me suggestions
57:47for new stuff that you would like to see me do
57:49on the channel but for now
57:51my name's Kevin I am a geek
57:53and you've been watching Kevin the Geek
57:55goodbye