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00:00Hello everybody, welcome back to the channel. My name is Kevin, I'm a geek, you're watching
00:18Kevin the Geek. And you know how I've said on shows like Benidorm and Death in Paradise
00:24in the past that watching a video that it's obviously quite clearly a very warm climate
00:31is really good when you're feeling cold. It's really, really bad when you've got a little
00:38bit of a heatwave going on and it has been absolutely roasting all day. It's been getting
00:45on to about 33, 34 degrees so far today and I'm recording this video about two o'clock
00:51in the morning because it has just been so, so, so hot all day and I can barely sleep
00:57as well. So I thought, let's be a little bit productive. Let's do at least something whilst
01:03I apparently can't sleep. So apologies if I yawn at any point in this. It is because
01:08it is early hours of the morning and it's quite tiring, but I just can't sleep because
01:13of the heat. So yeah, let's check out this latest episode of Benidorm. It's series eight
01:18episode two. Of course, as is always the case, please subscribe if you're new. Please
01:23turn on notifications. Please do consider joining my Patreon as well where you can get
01:28early access to my videos amongst other content and other perks as well. So let's check it
01:33out. This latest episode of Benidorm.
01:46It's from me dad. He's asking if it's all right for him to join us.
01:52You can tell that ignorant, selfish, inconsiderate, savage you call a father. If he comes within
01:5920 feet of me or our children, I will call the police.
02:04So that's a no.
02:06So is that a yes or a no?
02:09Same mindset.
02:19You know what? Why don't you have a paddle, Geordie?
02:21After the last week's episode, I've been having a bit of a think about it. I do feel a little
02:26bit bad for the granddad because let's put it this way.
02:32What has he really done in the one episode that we've seen with him? Basically, he's
02:37pushed his granddaughter in the pool with the intent of her learning to swim.
02:43That is just the way that people of that generation were taught themselves.
02:50That's the way they believe it's the right way to teach it.
02:53Is that necessarily a bad thing? Yes and no.
02:58But you know, they're people of a different era.
03:02Equally, you know, technically, you know, with the room thing, he did say that he called
03:08him and he paid to upgrade the room.
03:11So whilst, you know, they could have a bit of thing like you've got a worse off room
03:17than him. I mean, he did pay for it.
03:20So like they offered it to him and he just took it. He did pay for it.
03:24I don't want to. Of course you don't want to. She's been traumatised.
03:28The more we keep going on about this, the more frightened she's going to be of going
03:31in the pool. Our only daughter is frightened of going in the pool for one reason and one
03:35reason only. Oh, give it a rest. Give it a rest? He tried to drown her.
03:39Oh, as if he'd try and drown his own granddaughter. He just shoved her in.
03:44Oh, well then. How many times? It was just a slightly misjudged bit of fun.
03:48Thank you.
03:49Well, I wonder what other sort of fun he's got in store for us.
03:52Anthrax in our dinner. Mantraps in the bedroom.
03:55You want your grandad to sit with us, don't you, Jodie?
03:58It's not funny. I can't spend the rest of our holiday ignoring my own father.
04:02He may as well not have come.
04:04Well, at last we agree on something.
04:06Oh, give up. Where are you going?
04:08What have I done? Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.
04:10I just meant... I'm off to sit somewhere and read my book in peace.
04:13And don't worry, if my grandad attacks me with a sunbed, I'll shout for backup.
04:18HE LAUGHS
04:26Poor grandad. I still don't quite know the names yet, but I'll get there.
04:30Ah, Les, you have no idea how good it feels to be back in Benidorm.
04:34Yes!
04:35So Madrid isn't all it's cracked up to be.
04:37Oh, Madrid is beautiful, and the hotel I work in was amazing.
04:41It is having five stars.
04:43Five-star hotel?
04:45Yes, the staff and guests were very, how do you say, sophisticated.
04:49But there was always something missing.
04:52The energy, the excitement, the honesty...
04:56The vulgarity?
04:57The women wouldn't sleep with you, would they?
04:59Not one.
05:02Can you tell me what whiskies you have?
05:04Yeah, that one.
05:06Back in Benidorm, young, free and single.
05:10Hi, Jim. How do you say, giving the ladies a large girth?
05:14I think what you mean is a wide berth. Very wide.
05:18Yes. Women, they have brought me nothing but trouble.
05:21Now is the time to work hard and save money for my future.
05:26Dios mio.
05:27HE LAUGHS
05:30I'll have a large portion of that.
05:32Me too.
05:33Good morning, team. I'm pleased to inform you, after a successful trial yesterday,
05:38Amber starts with us today on a full-time basis.
05:41Yes.
05:42Let you already know...
05:43Well done, pet.
05:44..this is Mateo. Quite harmless.
05:47If you have to touch him for any reason,
05:49there is an antibacterial hand wash under the bar.
05:52HE LAUGHS
05:54Hasta luego.
05:56Excuse me, I've been waiting for ten minutes for a large whisky.
06:00No, you haven't.
06:01But, of course, how else would one ease oneself into the day at...
06:06..10.35?
06:08HE CHUCKLES
06:10It's very Heidi Heid today with all the yellow that's going on.
06:15Mario.
06:16Mateo.
06:17Is he all right?
06:18He's fine. He's just been living in Madrid for the past year.
06:21Come on, son. Off you pop. Collect some empties.
06:25Will somebody pour me a large whisky, please?
06:31Large whisky coming up.
06:36Morning. You're up early.
06:39Ah!
06:40Here they are. Andy Peters and Gordon the Gopher.
06:43Gordon the Gopher wasn't with Andy Peters, he was with Philip Schofield.
06:46That's what people thought, but believe me, that rodent was an absolute slut.
06:49Oh, no. I met him once, he was lovely.
06:53He means Gordon the Gopher, not Andy Peters.
06:55Did you change your flights?
06:56Yeah, all changed. We're now officially on holiday for the whole week.
06:59Hey!
07:00Right, you go and grab three sunbeds and I'll start switching things off in here.
07:05Hi, Kenny.
07:06Oh!
07:10Right. Well, we'd better get off then.
07:14Is that...?
07:15Oh, la.
07:18Is that the doorman guy from the...?
07:20Long time no see. How's it going?
07:23You're obviously here because Herbert sent you. What's going on?
07:25That's it, Herbert.
07:26Oh, he's not going to start charging me rent, is he? We had an agreement.
07:29Kenneth.
07:30Yeah?
07:31Oh.
07:32He died two weeks ago in a freak hair strain and accident.
07:36Oh, my God.
07:37Oh?
07:38Ooh.
07:43Oh, OK.
07:44This is the best holiday abroad I've ever had.
07:46When did you last go abroad?
07:48I've never been abroad. This is my first time.
07:50So, by default, then.
07:53Listen, there's an amazing beach five minutes from here.
07:56We can go there today, if you want.
07:58There's an amazing beach five minutes from here.
08:00We can go there today, if you want.
08:02To be honest, bruv, I'm just really enjoying the view from here.
08:07Mate, she is proper tidy.
08:09Yeah, I've noticed that.
08:10She keeps putting everything away after she's used it.
08:13No, mate, I mean she's fit.
08:15Oh, God, yeah, she's fit as!
08:18OK, here's the deal.
08:20I've got 20 euros that says I can get a number before you.
08:25I don't understand.
08:26I'm betting I could be the first to get that girl's phone number.
08:29Like a race.
08:30Who are you betting that with?
08:32Why don't you bet with me?
08:33I am betting with you.
08:34All right.
08:35But I need to know who the other bloke is first.
08:38What other bloke?
08:39You are the other bloke and the bloke I'm betting with.
08:42Am I?
08:43Sweet.
08:4420 euros.
08:4520 euros.
08:52Is there a prize?
08:54What?
08:55Is there a prize for getting a number?
08:5820 euros.
08:59All right.
09:00Does she know she has to give the winner a number?
09:05What do you think?
09:06I haven't got a clue.
09:07Yeah, clearly.
09:08You can say that again.
09:11I mean, there's being thick and then there's being that kid thick.
09:16I still don't know his name.
09:20I really hope they dial it down.
09:22At the moment, like, he's too stupid.
09:27Like, he's too brainless.
09:29He's too gormless.
09:30Like, at least with Liam, there was that lovable quality to it.
09:33It was so far with that guy, not so much feeling it.
09:37I've gone there three or four times to tell you about it.
09:40But the salon was closed.
09:43I assumed you must be a nullity.
09:45Yeah.
09:46Yeah, I had a little break.
09:49That was the reason.
09:50First one in years.
09:51You're just like Herbert.
09:53A workaholic.
09:54Yeah.
09:55That's why he left you the law.
09:58He's left me the salon in his will.
10:00Not just the salon.
10:02The club, his villa, this salon, all the others.
10:07Holy shit.
10:08What?
10:09You're a very rich man, Kenneth.
10:12I'm gone.
10:14There must be some mistake.
10:16I love my Uncle Herbert.
10:18I mean, I loved him.
10:20But I hardly ever saw him.
10:22Are you absolutely sure he's left everything to me?
10:24There is nobody else.
10:26When we spoke about it, he always said,
10:29there's only one person who's family to me.
10:31And when I go, he'll get the lot.
10:34From the M to the F to the G.
10:36There were readings this afternoon.
10:39Three o'clock in Herbert's office.
10:42Kenneth.
10:44I really need me job at the club.
10:47I know this is a lot to take in.
10:50But if you can see a way to keep me on,
10:53I'd be eternally grateful.
10:55I don't believe it.
10:57I don't believe it. I'm a bloody millionaire.
11:00Well, maybe a job here.
11:02I can make tea.
11:04Or jobs.
11:06You?
11:07You working here?
11:09You having a laugh?
11:10I'm sorry, Norman.
11:12I try to do my bit for charity,
11:14but business is business.
11:16And you scaring away my pensioners with that ugly mug of yours.
11:19That would be very bad for business.
11:21Oh, shit.
11:22Oh, my God.
11:23That's a bit harsh.
11:24What am I going to do with all that money?
11:27I'm rich.
11:28I'm rich beyond me wildest dreams.
11:31Drop the latch on the way out.
11:36What a bitch, Kenneth.
11:38I have a feeling that this isn't sitcom, it's a comedy.
11:43Something's going to go wrong, isn't it?
11:50Hello, darling.
11:52Mummy says you can sit with us
11:55as long as you promise not to try and kill me again.
11:58I'm sorry, sweetheart,
12:00but you're going to have to not speak in that daft accent,
12:03or else I can't understand you.
12:05I said you can sit with us
12:07if you promise not to try and kill me again.
12:09Oh, love.
12:11I didn't try and kill you.
12:13That's the way my grandad taught me how to swim.
12:16Yes.
12:17You want to try it in the dirty canal with a gob full of frog spawn?
12:21What?
12:22Never mind.
12:24Shall I come and sit with you?
12:26Yeah.
12:27Finally.
12:29She's easing off. Good.
12:30Is your mum cheered up a bit?
12:32Yeah. She says she wants to dance.
12:34Oh, that's a good sign.
12:36On your grave.
12:37Oh.
12:38What does that mean?
12:40No, not good.
12:41It's not good, Jodie.
12:48HE SNORTS
12:50Must have nodded off.
12:54It's very quiet, isn't it?
12:56It is now.
12:58Where's Kenneth?
12:59He didn't come out in the end.
13:01After all that carry-on asking us to stay on for the week,
13:05he's not even sitting with us.
13:08Yeah.
13:10Unless he and his friend have had an early siesta.
13:15When I said a siesta, what I actually meant was...
13:19Jacqueline, I'm not being funny, but I'm trying to read.
13:22Oh, sorry. I'll go back to sleep.
13:25I'm like that.
13:26No, no, don't do that.
13:27No, no, no, no.
13:29Yeah, I'm like Troy.
13:31If I'm in a good book, I need to focus.
13:34Do not interrupt me.
13:36Help me?
13:37Stuck in street outside Solana?
13:39Where's that from?
13:42Kenneth.
13:44HE CHUCKLES
13:45Well, are we going to help him?
13:47HE SCREAMS
13:48He might be stuck in a manhole.
13:50Wouldn't be the first time.
13:51I was literally about to say...
13:55Oh, all right, come on, then.
13:58Sorry, this is the third time you've cancelled.
14:00We can't run a hotel with no qualified first aiders.
14:04I understand, but we are in Benidorm,
14:07and most of our clientele are sausage bakers.
14:11Don't bother.
14:12I just have to sort things out myself, as usual.
14:17There is a problem, Miss Temple-Savage?
14:19Yes, there is a problem.
14:20Due to our high turnover of staff,
14:22I realised weeks ago that we have no first aiders,
14:25which is illegal.
14:26So I booked a first aid course,
14:28but this is the third time they've cancelled.
14:30Do you need someone to show first aid?
14:33I can do this.
14:34Can you?
14:35I don't mean a quick mouth-to-mouth.
14:37I can do this.
14:38Can you?
14:39I don't mean a quick mouth-to-mouth
14:40on your pick of the female staff.
14:42I need a fully qualified first aider.
14:45Yes, I am quali-fully-fied.
14:47Quali-fully-fied?
14:48In my hotel in Madrid,
14:49I took a course to teach others first aid.
14:52Really, Miss Temple-Savage, I have the sticky foot.
14:55You have a what?
14:56Sticky foot, what's that?
14:58The paper to say I have the first aids.
15:01Oh...
15:02Certificate?
15:03Yeah.
15:04You have a certificate?
15:06Yes, it's what I'm saying.
15:08Certificate and sticky foot is a bit different.
15:10What on earth is going on out there?
15:13Oh!
15:14It's you, Kenneth!
15:15Are you all right?
15:16Of course I'm not all right.
15:18Are you stuck?
15:19No, I'm just testing out the horn.
15:21Oh, right.
15:22Where are you going?
15:23Of course I'm bloody stuck.
15:25What on earth is going on?
15:26It's Kenneth, he's stuck.
15:28I didn't know he had a car.
15:29Things can't be that bad.
15:30Very sporty.
15:32I bet it goes fast.
15:33With Kenneth in it, I'm not so sure.
15:35Oh!
15:36Will you stop your frigging chit-chat and help me to get out?
15:38Mateo, help him.
15:39You need to grease him up.
15:41Oh, I might have something in me cape.
15:44I'll bet you do.
15:48Oh, there we go.
15:52Now he needs the first aid.
15:53Mateo, will you get up the pavement to come inside?
15:55I have got a hotel to run, you know.
15:57You're welcome.
15:58Welcome?
15:59You nearly brought me bloody back.
16:01What the hell's going on?
16:02And why are you doing dressed like that?
16:04Between you and me, love,
16:05I'm about to come into an awful lot of money.
16:11Oof.
16:27Excuse me, mate.
16:28Yes, young'un?
16:29The girl with the blonde hair?
16:32What's her name?
16:33That's Amber.
16:38Can you give her this, please?
16:39Sorry, pal, I'm not allowed to do that.
16:41I could lose me job.
16:43Oh.
16:44Tell you what, just leave it there and I'll tip her the wind.
16:46Hey.
16:47What? Do you fancy her as well?
16:48No, I just mean I'll let her know it's here.
16:51Oh, right, okay, sweet, thanks.
16:53Hey, brother.
16:54Les, perfect wingman.
16:55No problem.
16:57Perfect wingman.
17:00Where are you going?
17:01It's time to wrap this competition up.
17:03Will you stop fanning around?
17:04I'm not fanning around.
17:05Oh.
17:06Is it?
17:07Yeah, I can't see her.
17:08Young lad left it for you, just here on the bar.
17:11Did you get the number?
17:12Um, not yet.
17:14Stand aside, bruv.
17:20Just what I always wanted.
17:22Alright.
17:24Amber, I'm Tiger.
17:25Hello, Tiger, what would you like?
17:27Well, I wouldn't mind your phone number for a start.
17:29Very funny, now what can I get you to drink?
17:32Uh, just a beer, please.
17:39Here you go.
17:40Oh.
17:42Why won't you give me your phone number?
17:44Have you got something against nice guys?
17:47Enjoy your beer, Mr. Nice Guy.
17:57Nice one.
17:59Oh, dear.
18:00Game over, my friend.
18:02You didn't get it.
18:03Oh, yes, that's 20 euros you owe me.
18:05Shut up.
18:06But I left her my number, so she still might call me.
18:09Mate, the bet was the first person to get her number, and that person is me.
18:15Yeah.
18:20Oh.
18:21What are you doing?
18:23I'm texting her.
18:26This is gonna go well.
18:30Hmm.
18:33Oh, to the G to the M.
18:36She texted me.
18:38Thanks for your number.
18:39You are so fit, Mr. Nice Guy.
18:42Oh, you complete dick.
18:44What? Did you leave your number on a napkin?
18:46Yeah.
18:47Why?
18:48What do you mean, why?
18:49Give me your phone.
18:55Why have you not got people's names on your phone contacts?
18:58I prefer to have all my contacts written down on a piece of paper in my bag in case I lose my phone.
19:05Okay.
19:09Okay.
19:10Bit weird.
19:11But what if you lose your bag and your piece of paper?
19:13What's up, brother?
19:27Another message.
19:29Can't talk while I'm working, but I really like guys who swim in their clothes.
19:33Will you?
19:35Oh, my days.
19:36I'm so in there.
19:38Swim in your clothes?
19:40She's crazy.
19:41Oh, no, you're not going to do it, are you?
19:42You're not going to do it, are you?
19:43Mate.
19:44He who calls the piper plays the tune.
19:47Yes, I am.
19:53You know what?
19:54If I was Tiger in this situation, you know, I would do this.
19:58If I knew that he didn't have my number saved.
20:02Oh, man.
20:03Today is going to be a good day.
20:05Yeah, I'd do that.
20:07It's an easy prank to play.
20:08Well, I must say, it's nice to be back in the bosom of a loving family.
20:13Anyone we know?
20:17I've always said it's pointless bearing a grudge.
20:20Life's so short, isn't it?
20:21Yes.
20:22Some are short, while other people's lives just seem to go on and on and on.
20:26We can have a go on the karaoke tonight, Joe.
20:28Well, we better check if your granddad has any more phantom heart attacks planned before we decide what to do this evening.
20:34I'm going to sing Let It Go from Frozen.
20:36Oh.
20:38Hmm.
20:42Yeah, both of you let it go.
21:01Thanks for keeping us informed, Grandad.
21:07What does he mean?
21:09We're going to be seeing a lot more of each other.
21:11Um, uh, you know, probably just means the rest of the holiday.
21:18Oh, mate.
21:19You're going to get it in the neck when she finds out.
21:26Okay, ladies and gentlemen.
21:28It is my pleasure today to give you the first aids.
21:31In today's course, I will be showing you how to make someone alive when they are dead.
21:35And how to squeeze people when they are choking on their sausage.
21:43Okay.
21:44First of all, if you find a holiday maker who has died, they will look something like this.
21:50They will, of course, be fatter, but this is all the poof I had.
21:54So, first, we have to make the heart of the person start again.
22:01Live it too fast.
22:05Do not worry.
22:06This will not happen to you with a real person.
22:09I will make a joke now about the girl in a bikini going down on me.
22:14But since this is a serious subject, I will not be doing this.
22:17Come on, man.
22:18This is ridiculous.
22:19Excuse me, lads.
22:20I am only halfway through.
22:21Halfway through?
22:22And now I will show you how to stop a drunk person from choking on their sausage.
22:26It is called the Heineken Maneuver.
22:28May I please have a volunteer?
22:30It is called the Heineken Maneuver.
22:32May I please have a volunteer?
22:34The theme is Heimlich, and that is not now the way you do it.
22:38Perhaps, Amber, you would like to choke on my sausage?
22:41I think we both know the answer to that.
22:47Okay, will you please hurry?
22:48Time is of the essence.
22:50That was actually a no from me.
22:52It was.
22:55Okay, Miguel, come here.
23:01Okay, look at them, not me.
23:03Yeah, please.
23:05It's quite creepy.
23:06Let us be imagining that Miguel is having trouble with his sausage.
23:12I'm sorry.
23:13It's corny, but I love it.
23:16First, we make a position behind the victim.
23:22And put your arms around just above his waist.
23:26You are then needing to pump him as hard as you can.
23:29You're going to pump him?
23:37He's choking on his own sausage.
23:46Mateo, are you all right?
23:47Big breaths, pal, big breaths.
23:49Wow.
23:51Thank you for your kind attention, ladies and gentlemen.
23:54This is the extermination of today's demonstration.
23:58Miguel, you are creepy.
23:59You literally put Mateo's sausage in his pocket.
24:03And, yeah, that was changed probably after this point.
24:09Pretty much any first aid course you go on these days,
24:11they say, don't do the Heimlich maneuver.
24:14You want to use the palm of your hand,
24:16and re-strike the back quite hard and firm.
24:20That's what you should do in someone choking,
24:22rather than the Heimlich maneuver.
24:26There you go.
24:32And, Kenneth, of all the sports cars you could have gone for,
24:35you went for a smart car.
24:39I can manage.
24:41Can you? Are you sure?
24:42I thought you were sick.
24:44Can you? Are you sure?
24:45I thought you were sick.
24:59Do you think you should wait and see
25:00how much money you've been left
25:01before you start splashing it about?
25:08Fair enough.
25:13That's not the only thing you can mess with both hands.
25:19Yeah!
25:33Oh!
25:44You've a stronger stomach than me, lad.
25:48Another large one in there.
25:49I think he's on about something different.
25:52Animal farm?
25:54I bet it's not as good as video.
25:59Listen, son, I need your help.
26:02Yeah, I think a few people around here need help.
26:05Thank you.
26:07I need you to drop into the conversation at some point
26:11that I'm coming to live with you.
26:14What?
26:15Do you mean your dad hasn't told you?
26:18No.
26:19I thought it was just your mother he'd not told.
26:22You're coming to live with us?
26:23Yeah.
26:25When?
26:26Straight after this holiday.
26:29Where are you going to sleep?
26:30I thought I would get in your room.
26:31You're going to college, aren't you?
26:33University.
26:34And I'm not going until October.
26:36Well, we can muck in.
26:38So if you could drop the hint at some point...
26:41Grandad, I think this might be better coming from you.
26:48Really?
26:49Yeah.
26:50Really?
26:52Okay.
26:53You might be right.
26:55I'll tell her tonight after a few drinks
26:58when she's feeling a bit more...
27:00Violent?
27:01Relaxed.
27:03I'll go with violent.
27:06There's a way, said a wise old man.
27:11Yeah, no, violence is definitely going to be what's going to be occurring.
27:18Is something wrong with him?
27:19Not right now, but...
27:21Ask me again tonight.
27:25Maybe.
27:26As solicitor, executor and friend of her...
27:36I happen to be very late.
27:39Sorry.
27:40Sorry.
27:41Sorry.
27:44I, Herbert Lionel DiCaprio III,
27:49declare this to be my last will and testicle.
27:54Did I just say testicle?
27:57Yes.
27:58I do apologize.
28:01Here we go.
28:02To Rodrigo.
28:05My head stylist and personal masseur,
28:09I leave 100,000 euros.
28:14Whoa!
28:15Order! Order! Order!
28:18We'll have order!
28:20As I was saying to Rodrigo,
28:23I leave 100 euros.
28:26You said 100,000 a minute ago.
28:29Yeah.
28:30Shut up!
28:32Now, no, you're quite right.
28:35100,000 euros and my infamous gold scissors.
28:42To Jordan Rivers.
28:44Jordan Rivers, yes.
28:46The best drag queen in Benidorm.
28:50Yeah, that's open to debate.
28:53I leave my collection of toupees
28:57and my mother's recipe for scuse...
29:01Heaven knows what the blazes that is.
29:04Scouse!
29:05Come on, get to the good bit.
29:07Do you mind?
29:09Everything else, my villa, cars,
29:13all 14 hairdressing salons,
29:17Benidorm nightclub,
29:19and entire savings and shares in DiCaprio Holdings,
29:24I devise, bequeath and give
29:28to the one person who has been like a son to me.
29:34Although our relationship has often been distant,
29:39the unspoken love and bond between us
29:44has always been there.
29:46The person to whom I refer and bequeath my entire estate
29:51as per appendix one is naturally, of course,
29:57none other than...
30:02Norman Fagan!
30:05Also affectionately known as Norman the Dormouse.
30:09Norman the Dorman.
30:11Norman the Dorman.
30:13Norman the Dorman.
30:15My flippin' God.
30:19I think Kenneth might regret being so rude to him now.
30:32Kenneth is dead.
30:35So Kenneth got nothing.
30:40How long did she say for you to sit like that?
30:42She said she was going to text me again soon.
30:45I think she's taking the rise out of you, mate.
30:47You've got to understand, Tyg.
30:49Some girls are strange.
30:51I once went out with this girl,
30:53and she got really turned on when I topped up her mobile.
30:56Oh my God.
30:57Yeah.
30:58She used to get really horny if I put a fiver on her pay-as-you-go.
31:01Yeah, I bet she did.
31:02If I put a tenner on it, oh my days.
31:05So the more money you put on her phone, the better she was in the sack?
31:08Oh, I don't know about that.
31:10We never met.
31:11She lived in Nigeria.
31:12Nigeria.
31:22Those straws in your ears look hot.
31:25But can you fit more in?
31:27Also, tonight, can you wear a Mancini and Neptunes?
31:31It will drive me crazy.
31:33Oh no.
31:34The thing that I don't understand is,
31:36I've had four texts from her in the last 15 mins.
31:40But I've been watching her,
31:42and she ain't picked up her mobile once.
31:47Tyga.
31:48Oh shit.
31:49Yes, mate?
31:50Do me a favour.
31:52Sorry, mate.
31:53I wondered when you'd realise.
31:54Get us a few more straws from the bar,
31:56and see if you can find one of them Mancinis
31:58from the shop just outside the hotel.
32:01However she's sending these texts,
32:03she deserves everything.
32:08Mate, believe me,
32:09it will be my pleasure.
32:11Oh, this is cringy.
32:13It's so pantomime.
32:15It's so pantomime.
32:17Can't believe it.
32:19Won and lost a fortune in the space of a few hours.
32:22Well, technically, you never actually won it.
32:25Yeah.
32:27A life of luxury snatched from under me nose.
32:29It's hard to miss what you never had.
32:32So close,
32:34yet so far.
32:36You didn't fit in that car anyway.
32:38Oh, shut up while I'm trying to feel sorry for myself.
32:40Hey, don't take out on Jacqueline.
32:42It's not her fault your uncle didn't leave you a penny
32:44to scratch your arse with.
32:46Oh, here we go.
32:47Rub it in wide, don't you?
32:49Go away.
32:52Oh, shit.
32:53Hello, Kenneth.
32:56You left a bit sharpish.
32:58We'd better get ready for tonight.
33:01Yeah, come on.
33:02I've got to put my face on.
33:04Put my hair in the top knot.
33:08Oh, shit.
33:10It's funny how a few hours can change someone's life.
33:14Isn't it, Kenneth?
33:15Not for me.
33:17I'm in exactly the same position as I was in this morning.
33:20Well, not quite.
33:30What's this?
33:31It's a bit of business from your new landlord.
33:34Me.
33:36I've done you a very tasty deal on the water, Lechy.
33:4013,000 euros.
33:41Oh, shit.
33:42Is this a joke?
33:43No, Kenneth, it's business.
33:45Of course, I could have waited until tomorrow to bring you this,
33:47but as you said,
33:49wouldn't want to scare your pensioners with my ugly mug.
33:53Oh, very bad for business.
33:55Oh, shit.
33:58You've got 28 days to pay.
34:02It's the least I could do.
34:04After all, we're practically family.
34:13Oh, yeah.
34:15You left before the solicitor could give you this.
34:21You never know.
34:23Might be stuffed with 100-euro notes.
34:25It's not going to be.
34:2828 days, Kenneth.
34:31Never be rude.
34:33Leave it.
34:36I'm finished.
34:41Well.
34:44Like a fool, I went and stayed too long
34:49Yeah, I'm wondering if your love's as strong as mine, baby
34:55Oh, baby, here I am
34:57Stacked, filled and delivered all yours
35:00I can't believe you still haven't opened it.
35:03I don't know what's inside it.
35:05That is why she's saying to open it.
35:07It's obvious what it is, it's money.
35:09It's left to cash, so you don't have to pay any tax on it.
35:13That would make sense.
35:14Give us it here, I'll open it.
35:16That ain't going to deliver.
35:20I think he needs a large drink first.
35:23Oh, now
35:25Touch this hand, baby
35:29Here I am, babe
35:31So if it's alright with you, I'll just be dressing as Leslie in the evenings, not during the day.
35:36Going full-time seemed a good idea at first, but it's kind of taken all the pleasure out of it and made it a bit of a chore.
35:44Plus, I can't fit a towel on a radiator at home for all the dry and brass.
35:49Leslie, I've always said you can come to work dressed as Frankenstein's monster as long as you do your job.
35:56I'm sorry, that's not what you've come out tonight, is it?
36:00Eleven hours!
36:04Oh, Jeff!
36:05I beg your pardon.
36:06Jeff!
36:07Eleven hours!
36:08Jeff's back!
36:09You went on your paintballing trip this morning.
36:12We've been out for eleven hours.
36:16I always say you should never put a time limit on enjoying yourself.
36:20And judging by your breath, you obviously didn't.
36:24Alright, I've had a drink.
36:26But when you pay to go on a trip, you kind of expect that you're going to bring us all back.
36:32This is absolutely ridiculous!
36:34They wanted us so much to come back, and now they won't let us in our rooms.
36:37We use gloss paint!
36:39What?
36:40What kind of dickhead uses gloss paint at a paintballing match?
36:46Well, there wasn't anybody else there.
36:48We just shot at each other.
36:49Where's Norway?
36:50Have you seen my mother?
36:52Why do you think I should?
36:54Because there were only three of us.
36:56The man who cleans the guns joined in.
36:58Nobody told us he was a psychologically damaged war veteran.
37:01It was like a scene from American Sniper.
37:06She is a senior citizen, not a skirting board.
37:11It's not our fault she's so unexpected.
37:14That lunatic!
37:16Sending my mother out!
37:18It was disgusting!
37:25Excuse me, Norway?
37:26I'm sorry.
37:27How many times?
37:28They won't let us in to our rooms.
37:31It's taken us a four mile walk, and two trains, and five buses.
37:36Just standing all the way, because they won't let us sit on the seats.
37:40And now, they won't let us in our little rooms.
37:47If you'd like to come with me.
37:49Thank you!
37:50And welcome back!
38:03You like this place so much that you cannot keep away, huh?
38:05It's not the place I'm interested in, it's you.
38:09Okay, now we're talking turkeys.
38:13It was only a matter of time, I guess.
38:15Don't flatter yourself, Matteo. It's purely business.
38:18Oh, hey Kim.
38:21I was going to have a word with Mario, but it's been quite busy.
38:24What is going on?
38:25I wanted to have a word about your first day course this afternoon.
38:29How much did you get paid?
38:31I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to be in discussions with matter of financial persuasions.
38:35200 euros.
38:37How do you know this?
38:38You've not stopped bragging about it all night.
38:41So, there were ten people on your course.
38:45I reckon that's 20 euros each to give a trap shot on what farce it was.
38:49What? You cannot be blacking my mail like this.
38:51No problem.
38:53Firstly, where did Joyce go? Let's see what she has to say about it.
38:57Okay, okay.
39:00Take the money.
39:02Thanks.
39:04And I'm going to do a first aid session for the same people in our own time.
39:07So, we're actually doing you a favour.
39:09Doing me a favour? I am out of pockets.
39:12It cost me ten euros to buy that blow-up doll.
39:15Yeah, right. Like you didn't have that already.
39:20She's got him sussed.
39:22I like this. I like Amber.
39:30You've got to give her credit.
39:32She hasn't even looked at me once.
39:34Yeah, she's good.
39:35Although, you'd think she'd at least give you a wink when you did those 100 press-ups in the Fred Finstone playground.
39:40I wouldn't have been able to see it anyway.
39:42I went slightly dizzy and I couldn't see anything for about 20 minutes after that.
39:49Here we go again.
39:52Great. If you can tell Maria you've got 20 euros and I will text Jose and Gregorio.
39:57But remember, big secret. We don't want to get Matteo into trouble.
40:01Nice.
40:11I've been texting a lot today.
40:13Yeah, yeah. Me old man. You know how he likes to know what's going on.
40:17Tell him about Amber and the texting. He won't believe it.
40:20Nah, he won't.
40:22You know what? If he knows him, I think he would believe it.
40:25It took a long time considering it only came from over there.
40:28Oh, my days. You're not going to believe what she wants me to do now.
40:34Sing her a karaoke song and strip naked?
40:37Yeah. How do you know that?
40:39Lucky guess.
40:40Mmm, lucky then.
40:41Anything for you.
40:50That your dad again?
40:51Yeah.
40:52Yeah.
40:53Yeah.
40:57I kind of misclimbed. I'm not going to lie. I quite liked him.
41:00I presume we're not going to see him in this series.
41:02Thank you to Jonathan, Benny Dob's original Motown singer.
41:07We'll have more from him later.
41:09But first, it's time to hear from your good selves.
41:13It's karaoke time!
41:18And first up we have a young lady who I've been told would like to be
41:21a professional singer when she grows up.
41:23So let's hear it for a star of tomorrow, Jodie Dawson!
41:29Come on, Jodie. Be good.
41:31Remember to smile and don't forget to breathe.
41:34Yes, it's a hard song.
41:36She can't be much of a singer if she forgets to breathe.
41:39Dad!
41:40God's sake.
41:41I'm just saying.
41:43Come on, Jodie.
41:46Oh, God.
41:55Oh.
41:58Oh.
42:01Oh.
42:15Oh.
42:34I'm sorry. It's very hard to concentrate with Jodie in the background.
42:46Sorry, this is doing me head in.
42:48Are you telling me?
42:49She's a professional singer.
42:50I can't wait for my modelling contract to come through.
42:52Would her?
42:53I mean us.
42:54Just sitting here staring at that bloody parcel.
42:57Get your grubby paws off.
42:59You might be a millionaire.
43:02Who wants to be a millionaire?
43:05You're serious?
43:07You'd come home?
43:08Do you love it here?
43:10I could barely make ends meet when I was working men-free.
43:12I just have to admit it.
43:14I haven't got the money to start from scratch.
43:19Unless...
43:20Come on!
43:27Yeah, this should put a smile on your face.
43:35Oh, come on. I can't stand it.
43:37It's like Christmas.
43:39Donald always used to tease me on Christmas Eve with a massive package.
43:55Well, what is it?
43:57What's he left you?
44:00He's left me his bloody teeth.
44:09Happy Christmas!
44:12And a Merry Christmas!
44:16The cold never bothered me anyway.
44:32Is she still singing?
44:34Oh, Joyce!
44:35Come on, darling.
44:36Well, the talent doesn't stop there.
44:39Ladies and gentlemen, next, if your ears can take it...
44:42Joyce!
44:46Oh, Joey. Right, Joey.
44:48I'll try and remember Joey.
45:07Wasn't your fault, darling.
45:09It sounded rubbish.
45:10It was their fault, not yours.
45:12He was in the wrong key, Joe.
45:14I'll ask the DJ if he's got any other versions next time.
45:16You know what you need, don't you, Joey?
45:18What?
45:19Dad, you need a professional karaoke set-up.
45:23You know, with a microphone and a speaker
45:25and little telly with the words on the lot.
45:28Yeah. Do you know how much they cost?
45:30400 quid.
45:32That's what I've just paid for.
45:34Do you need a karaoke machine for?
45:36For my lovely little granddaughter.
45:38Are you serious, Grandad?
45:40It gets delivered the day we get back.
45:44Oh, that's so nice.
45:48Well, I'm going to be saving that much money
45:50coming to live with you lot.
45:51I thought there's no point in that money
45:53just sitting there in the bank.
45:54I beg your pardon?
45:55Oh.
45:56Same again, is it?
45:57Oh, way to repeat it.
45:59Where's your job?
46:00She seems to have got it.
46:02I see your job.
46:03She seems to have taken it quite well.
46:05She has?
46:08There's no way on earth
46:09that man is moving into my house.
46:11You think?
46:12I'll tell you something right now.
46:13If he moves in, I'm moving out
46:14and I'm taking the kids with me.
46:16Do you understand?
46:17Right.
46:18I am going to get absolutely hammered.
46:21Sod her before the sodding teeth,
46:23sod the solana and sod blow and go.
46:26I'm down in this, I'm getting off into the old town.
46:28There is a way of staying here.
46:30What do I want to stay here for?
46:31Beer and old people,
46:32fire the loads of karaoke.
46:33No, in exactly 20 minutes' time
46:35I shall be hanging upside down in the bears' bar
46:37like a spatchcocked chicken.
46:38All of this lot will be a distant memory.
46:40No, I mean a way of keeping the salon.
46:42No, I've had enough.
46:43I'm not going thousands into debt
46:45just to do half a dozen bloom rinses every week.
46:48We've got a business proposal.
46:51You what?
46:52Me and Jacqueline.
46:53What do you mean?
46:54I want to expand in Europe.
46:55And there's cheek old puddin' and custard on the menu.
46:57Get a couple of them down your neck.
46:58You know what I mean?
46:59I don't want your money.
47:00Good, because I'm not giving it to you.
47:02I want to take over the lease to blow and go.
47:06What about me?
47:07Well, you stay on
47:08as equal third partner and head stylist.
47:11And I'm guessing you're the other third.
47:13I'm going to be more a sleeping partner.
47:15Why doesn't that surprise me?
47:22Well,
47:23how's this going to work?
47:25Are you moving to Spain?
47:27No, of course not.
47:28I've still got the salon back home.
47:29I'll come out every few weeks,
47:31have a few days in the sun
47:32and see how everything's going.
47:35What about Gavin?
47:36Well, that's obvious.
47:38I've not mentioned him since we got here.
47:40We split up.
47:41Oh!
47:42No.
47:43This is it.
47:46I need a fresh start.
47:47What do you say?
47:48I say
47:49let's first drink to you being a single man.
47:51Oh, no, I don't want to do that.
47:52I've still got a lot of respect for Gavin.
47:54You've got to be the only one who does.
47:56Fat whinging cow.
47:57Ding dong, the witch is dead.
47:58Whoa!
47:59We can all talk about it tomorrow.
48:01Are you still going into your old town?
48:08I'm sexy and I know it.
48:10Joey,
48:11this is a gift present.
48:13Check it out.
48:14Things seem to be hotting up here very nicely.
48:17Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah.
48:19Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah.
48:21Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah.
48:23Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah.
48:25Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah.
48:27Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah.
48:31That's exactly why I'm looking for a man,
48:33not a boy.
48:36No.
48:41I've done everything you've asked me, Amber.
48:44Now, tell me of a date.
48:47Oh, no.
48:48That's right.
48:49You said
48:50strip naked.
48:56He better not.
48:58Oh, no.
48:59Joey, don't do it.
49:00It was me.
49:05It was me.
49:06It was me.
49:07It was me all along.
49:08Get them out of here.
49:11Where are you going?
49:12Come on, you know.
49:13Out.
49:14Get out.
49:15What do you think you're doing?
49:16Get them outside.
49:17I mean, they stopped him at that point.
49:19Why didn't you park me?
49:20They didn't stop him at the back.
49:21Can you park?
49:26You could bring a tear to a glass eye.
49:36Okay.
49:38Once again,
49:39quite a bit to talk about.
49:43So, we have Jeff back.
49:45Something I wasn't prepared for.
49:47I definitely was not expecting it.
49:49Of course, with Jeff
49:51comes the obligatory Noreen.
49:53However,
49:55we also have Pauline.
50:00So, this is going to be the first time
50:02we have Jeff and Noreen together.
50:06That is going to be
50:10really, really interesting.
50:14That is going to be
50:16a very intriguing dynamic.
50:20Yeah.
50:22I've thought about this for a long time
50:25thinking I'd love to see them together.
50:28I have no idea how their dynamic is going to play out.
50:31I've had so many different thoughts in my head
50:34how they could play out.
50:37I don't know how it's going to happen.
50:39So, I'm looking forward to that.
50:43That was just the briefest, merest teaser.
50:47Just to let us know,
50:48hey, we're back!
50:50Before we actually get into the point of going,
50:53right, this is what we're doing with them.
50:56So,
50:57we, of course,
51:00have Tiger and Joey.
51:07I don't know.
51:10Joey, right now,
51:13is annoying me.
51:16But,
51:19I get the feeling
51:21I might warm to him
51:22in the same way that I warmed to Liam.
51:25I mean,
51:26they're going down a much thicker route
51:29with him than we really had with Liam.
51:32Although, on one hand, you do have to forget,
51:35you do have to remember
51:37how, you know, stupid
51:40Liam was in the early days.
51:42And maybe if we give him enough time,
51:44we could warm to Joey in the same way.
51:47So, I'm prepared to give him the chance.
51:49I'm prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt, you know.
51:53At the moment, yeah, he's too thick.
51:55But he's sweet and he's endearing
51:58from what we have seen so far.
52:00I like
52:02the silly, boyish banter
52:06that there is between Joey and Tiger.
52:09They've got a nice friendship.
52:11And we've never,
52:12we've never really had that on the show.
52:15Tiger's really the only one that we've had.
52:17Like, we've had a couple of girl pals,
52:19you know, with Sam,
52:20obviously she was with Natalie,
52:22and then the next season she was with Trudy.
52:24Never really had like a boy, sort of,
52:26romance kind of thing.
52:28The closest we really had
52:30was between Tiger and with Michael.
52:34But at that point, obviously,
52:35they were still on the young side.
52:37So, now they're sort of more,
52:39a little bit more mature anyway.
52:41You know, hopefully we can see
52:43a bromance on the show.
52:45That'd be quite nice to see.
52:48Amber,
52:49I am digging straight away.
52:53She
52:55has got sass
52:56and she knows how to stand up
52:58to the likes of Matteo.
53:00But she's also quite,
53:02again, quite sweet and endearing.
53:04You know, that,
53:06like she said,
53:07look, this was a farce, what you did.
53:09You paid,
53:10you got paid 200 pounds,
53:12200 euros,
53:13for basically nothing.
53:15That's not fair.
53:16So, give us the money
53:17and we'll share it out to everyone.
53:19But,
53:21she makes it very clear.
53:22It's like, don't let on to Joyce.
53:24We don't want to get Matteo into trouble.
53:26I really like that about her.
53:29So, she's, I think,
53:30going to be a really nice addition
53:32to the Solana team.
53:35I mean,
53:36Matteo is back to his absolute best
53:40with his wisecracks
53:41and his flirting and everything.
53:44Love it.
53:45Love Matteo.
53:46And then the other family.
53:49Are there any of them?
53:50I don't think any of them are here.
53:51Let me just,
53:53let me just quickly check.
53:55Here we go.
53:56So,
53:57we've got Rob,
53:58Billy,
54:01Sharon,
54:02Jodie and Eddie.
54:04So,
54:06Rob was the son,
54:07if I remember rightly.
54:08Jodie's obviously the daughter.
54:10Sharon is obviously the mum.
54:13I'm not sure which way round it is.
54:15Billy,
54:16Steve Edge,
54:17Eddie,
54:18Bobby Nutt.
54:19Actually, no.
54:20I know the name Bobby Nutt.
54:21He's quite an older actor.
54:24So, Eddie, I'm presuming,
54:26is the granddad.
54:27Billy is the father.
54:32Correct me if I'm wrong on that.
54:33But,
54:37I like Eddie.
54:39Oh, I like granddad.
54:40No, if it's not Eddie.
54:43What I think,
54:47is,
54:48because I saw compare them to the Garbys a little bit last week.
54:51And,
54:52there is still that little bit of an element that rings true.
54:56But,
54:57obviously I sort of compared them to Madge a little bit.
54:59That,
55:00Madge,
55:01was,
55:03Madge and Eddie,
55:04they're like the ones that the other,
55:06like the son-in-law and the daughter-in-laws,
55:08you know, don't necessarily like.
55:13Bobby,
55:14sorry, Eddie,
55:15I think he's,
55:19I think he's,
55:21more caring.
55:23But, he's more misunderstood.
55:27It's more of a generational thing.
55:28Whereas, Madge was just,
55:31mean and cruel and nasty and spiteful and venomous.
55:37Every other adjective you could put in there for that.
55:42He is caring.
55:45I didn't mean to push you in.
55:47I wasn't trying to drown you.
55:49It's just, that's the way that my granddad taught me to swim.
55:52And,
55:53that's what I think it's supposed to be.
55:56His daughter,
55:57sorry, his granddaughter is really upset.
55:58And, he buys her a karaoke machine,
56:00you know,
56:01these little things.
56:02I mean, yes.
56:03Okay.
56:04It is with an ulterior purpose to sort of,
56:06butter up Sharon and,
56:10ease the thing about him moving in.
56:13But, he is still doing a nice thing.
56:15And,
56:16how many instances did we ever really see that of Madge?
56:20Hardly any.
56:21I don't think we,
56:22there's probably not a single one I can remember.
56:24There may have been one.
56:26You know,
56:27maybe on one of those days that Madge had a bit of an off day.
56:29Like she was ill,
56:30or she thought she was dying,
56:32or something.
56:33But, yeah,
56:34there must have been at least one.
56:36Just one,
56:37if anything.
56:40Rob at the moment,
56:41I'm wondering if he's maybe adopted.
56:42Because,
56:43most of the family,
56:44they're quite Northern.
56:45Apart from,
56:46you know,
56:47Jodie putting on the American accent,
56:50quite a bit.
56:52Rob sounds a little bit,
56:53posher.
56:54So,
56:55yeah,
56:56I don't know why,
56:57but I'm just wondering,
56:58is he maybe adopted?
56:59He just sounds a little bit posher than the rest of the family.
57:01Or am I overthinking that?
57:02I don't know.
57:04And then,
57:05we've had the storyline with Jack.
57:07I was about to say Jack,
57:08not Jack.
57:09What am I going on about?
57:10Kenneth,
57:11and Norman the Doorman,
57:14and Troy,
57:16and Jacqueline.
57:17That's probably where I got Jack from.
57:20Right,
57:21first of all,
57:23we've addressed
57:24Gavin and Troy splitting up,
57:26and apparently that's it.
57:27That's them done.
57:29I never even thought to question last week,
57:31like,
57:32where is Gavin?
57:33I just thought,
57:34hey,
57:35he's here.
57:36Yeah,
57:37Troy's here.
57:38Maybe Gavin just wasn't available when he's back at home.
57:40So,
57:41that was a bit of a bolt out of the blue.
57:42Are they going to undo that?
57:43Are they going to bring Gavin back in,
57:45and they do a bit of reconciliation,
57:46maybe,
57:47you know,
57:48where they,
57:49you know,
57:50where Troy proposed to Gavin?
57:51Yeah,
57:52maybe we'll see with that one.
57:54But yeah,
57:55don't ever be mean to someone
57:56when you don't know the potential outcomes.
58:00Yeah,
58:01Kenneth had it coming.
58:02He had it coming.
58:04He had it coming.
58:06He only had himself to blame.
58:10Yeah,
58:12he did.
58:13He brought it on himself there.
58:14Yeah,
58:15I think if he'd been nice to Norman,
58:18and kind of,
58:19you know,
58:20gave him that security,
58:21like,
58:22no,
58:23you can come over,
58:24you know,
58:25or yes,
58:26you can come in here and help out,
58:27then,
58:29you know,
58:30he probably would have,
58:31you know,
58:32got away,
58:33and Norman probably would have honoured,
58:35you know,
58:36Herbert's original agreement to let him have,
58:38you know,
58:39rent free and whatnot.
58:40As it was,
58:42Kenneth was a little bitch,
58:44and he got screwed in the arse
58:46as a result of it.
58:48It's as simple as that.
58:49And some people could probably question,
58:51like,
58:52was that maybe a test of Norman's?
58:55You know,
58:56did he know that he was getting everything,
58:58and,
58:59you know,
59:00he tested Kenneth to see,
59:01you know,
59:02what kind of,
59:03you know,
59:04was he going to be nice about it,
59:05or was he going to be an arsehole?
59:06I don't think he would have,
59:07because obviously,
59:08you saw that with the,
59:09sort of,
59:10his reaction was like,
59:11oh my God,
59:12I got the money?
59:13So,
59:14yeah,
59:15I enjoyed that episode.
59:16I did.
59:17People are talking about the dip in quality,
59:18and I can see where
59:19the stuff that's definitely not as strong
59:21as some of the earlier series,
59:22but we're in season eight.
59:23You know,
59:24it's still got something,
59:25even if it's not quite as strong as it once was.
59:28But there you go.
59:29That's going to round up this latest reaction.
59:32Don't forget to check out my Patreon,
59:33if you haven't done so already,
59:34where you can get early access and other perks.
59:36Please subscribe if you're new,
59:37and please drop your comments below.
59:39But that's going to do it for today,
59:40and episode two,
59:41series eight of Benidorm.
59:43Benidorm.
59:44And episode two,
59:45series eight of Benidorm.
59:46For now,
59:47my name's Kevin.
59:48I am a geek,
59:49and you've been watching Kevin the Geek.
59:51Goodbye.