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FunTranscript
00:00Petting zoos, can we finally stop calling them fun?
00:04Petting zoos were always on the short list of budget-friendly things to do on a 1970s Saturday,
00:10along with matinee movies, skating rinks, mall crawling, and bowling.
00:15However, the petting zoo was the only option that could end with fecal matter and gauze bandages.
00:21The main takeaway from petting zoos was that really smelly animals can have bad days, too.
00:26Petting zoos sounded so good on paper.
00:28We'd get to spend quality time with domesticated farm animals,
00:32and they wouldn't have to produce eggs, milk, or meat for a while.
00:37Win, win.
00:39But petting zoo residents weren't the usual breed of goat or sheep.
00:43Endless hours of unsolicited petting had left them bitter and cynical.
00:47We weren't children to them.
00:49We were dried corn delivery systems.
00:51Never let them see the cup.
00:54I don't blame the captives at a petting zoo for taking the occasional ounce of flesh
00:57or chewing a random piece of clothing.
01:00They didn't ask for this assignment,
01:02and I would probably do the same thing if I were in their position.
01:06I would hope the vending machines were filled with slices of pizza, though.
01:11Go ahead and pet me, kid. I've got nothing but time.