Men Behaving Badly. S02 E02. Rent Boy.
First broadcast 15th September 1992.
Gary is worried that Tony might be gay. Tony exaggerates his German skills to impress Deborah.
Martin Clunes ... Gary
Neil Morrissey ... Tony
Leslie Ash ... Deborah
Caroline Quentin ... Dorothy
Ian Lindsay ... George
Valerie Minifie ... Anthea
Richard Strange ... Neville
Gary is worried that Tony might be gay. Tony exaggerates his German skills to impress Deborah.
Martin Clunes ... Gary
Neil Morrissey ... Tony
Leslie Ash ... Deborah
Caroline Quentin ... Dorothy
Ian Lindsay ... George
Valerie Minifie ... Anthea
Richard Strange ... Neville
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00You
00:30I
00:32I
00:59Yes, it's me
01:02I'm on the radio really now
01:09Funny one Chris. Yeah
01:13Okay, right three questions yes, it's a type of sheep isn't it oh
01:22Yeah
01:25Suck it out
01:27Yes
01:30Gary and finally for a 5,000 pounds. Shh. I'm on the radio. Are you nervous a little bit? Yeah
01:40Okay, Gary what's orange and can't get through a revolving door
01:48I'm gonna have to hurry you Gary and the answer is Judith charmers with a spear in her face
01:57I
02:01Hate practical jokes, don't you not at all mainstay of British humor
02:11You don't seem to go to work much oh
02:13We're pretty laid-back about that in the music biz. Yeah. Yeah, you must be to get away with a shirt like that
02:19What's it say Greek for puffs shirt is it?
02:22Kevin's bar and bazooka repair center Mykonos went there last year
02:27No, I wish I'd got him for something a bit more glamorous like the music business
02:31You don't get the snog banana Rama selling burglar alarms. I can tell you
02:37What what exactly does a record company executive do then oh
02:41You know, I'm customer interfacing looking at the market sometimes get to schmooze some artists. Oh
02:48schmoozing
02:50I've asked Dorothy, but she says you feel dirty afterwards
02:54No, it means talk to oh, yeah. Yeah
02:59Still I bet you managed to slip the odd backing singer a few inches every now and again
03:08Mind you one of the village people once gave me his phone number I
03:14Was sort of hoping that maybe you could introduce me to some of the women that you work with I work with guys mainly
03:21Oh
03:33Sorry movie
03:39Daring fellow like Van Gogh laterally creosote nipples sadness
03:46Hey
03:49If you can talk copper George, so can I
03:52No, it's a crossword clue. I've only got two to get I've never seen the point in crosswords
03:57Well, you have to fill in all the little squares
04:02Something better to do with my time so I see
04:06That's educational 20 things. You never knew about panties. Hey, don't get that sort of info in the independent. Do you?
04:12Independent do you
04:14Is that a typical page?
04:17television sex
04:19Severed limbs royal family sex. Yes, pretty typical
04:24calling Peabody
04:26Flamboyantly dressed presenter of get out of bed Britain recently holidayed with two male companions in gay
04:34Love Paradise Mykonos. Oh, why do you flatmate Tony had all of the in Mykonos? I wonder if he went with Colin Peabody
04:43Mind you Colin's already got a lot of young friends. I
04:48Always think thermos sounds like a Greek island, don't you?
04:53Bloke from the village people gave me his phone number once I work with guys mainly big boys
05:05Gary are you? All right? Oh, yes perfectly. I just found out I'm living with a homosexual
05:12Nothing alarming. I don't think that matters. Does it not a bit whoopee?
05:18my nephew's gay
05:20He told us last year during the top of the pops Christmas special Oh smashing
05:24Maybe the three of us should get together and open an antique shop
05:28Some people think that you're a bit old to be living with another man. I'm not living with another man
05:34He's there to pay the rent. Oh, I see a rent boy
05:42Maybe you chose a man because you've got suppressed urges. There's nothing wrong with my urges mate last night
05:49I dreamt I was strip-searching Sue Lawley. No completely normal
05:55I've often wondered what it'd be like to sleep with a man George
06:01You see first of all, no, no, no
06:06I'd have to give him Marjorie's side of the bed. My reading lights got an awkward switch
06:12Can we talk about something sensible, please?
06:16Pygmies pine for slang bulldozer
06:42I
07:12Was that you playing the guitar?
07:14Yeah
07:16Do you want to come and listen? No, I was thinking of cutting your hands off
07:24How'd you get that then I have no idea come in
07:33Have you ever played the bass guitar before no
07:42I
07:49Lesson number one
07:52What makes you think I want to learn and these are the holy
07:55Now some technical things first, right? Now, these are the strings
08:01And that's the cable now you get some coming curly some coming straight. This one's straight
08:08Cable strings, I'm with you so far. Yeah, this is the neck
08:14Some people are surprised how long this is
08:19And down here is where you get all the naughty high notes
08:23Down here is where you get all the floppy juicy notes
08:31Well, that's the basics over with anyway
08:34Anyway
08:36Anyway, I'm glad you've come down. So am I I wondered if you could sew a patch on me jeans
08:44To be joking. All right. Oh, can't you sew?
08:50Why do all men assume that women enjoy sewing well, I do it myself
08:56Only they never seem to come out smart, you know
09:04Oh
09:11Great look if there's anything I can do just say the word. Well, actually you can tear that down. I hate that sort of thing
09:16Oh, no, that's all right. You see I picked that up in Dusseldorf. It's
09:21Ironic. Yeah, she's campaigning for sexual rights
09:29We want sexual rights
09:34And we want it now
09:38Oh our birth beckon Bauer
09:42Well, actually there is something you can do for me sure I've got a letter needs translating no problem
09:50I'll bring it down tomorrow
09:52By the way, you haven't thought of playing a different instrument. Have you? Yeah, I have actually
09:59this
10:04I
10:21Got one what is it super vixens?
10:35I
10:37Love in a women's prison
10:44Their only crime was to have their needs it's a serious study of repressed sexuality in a pressure cooker environment
10:51It's mindless exploitative tat Gary
10:55Should we get it out then?
10:58I
10:59Say I'm supposed to apologize. I'm I've been perfectly normal heterosexual happens to find women attractive or pardon me
11:06Look, I don't mind seeing a film with sex in it. It's you that wanted to get out the best of flipper last week
11:13Classic not the third time
11:18Last week I had to listen to you sobbing through ET
11:22Something
11:23And tonight you come on all macho trying to get me to arm-wrestle with you. Yeah, well you started before I was ready actually
11:32And now you're pretending to be some sort of sex maniac what is the matter with you
11:37It's Tony he's um
11:42What he's a home
11:48Homeowner
11:51Gay Oh quick fumigate the furniture. Oh, you've got nothing against homosexualism in its proper place
11:57And where do you stand on bigotry? I see I suppose you'd be delighted with you to come and find your flatmates a lesbian
12:04Homophobic two minutes ago when he wants us to watch sex slave jail women love in a women's prison
12:10That's different. They're women for God's sake
12:16I ask you why do people have to peddle this kind of smart?
12:22Anyway
12:24What makes you think that Tony's gay
12:27Well, he's hardly conducting a meaningful sexual relationship with a woman is he neither are you?
12:32At least there's no question about my sexuality. Oh, yes, I'm so sorry the man was a live animal down his trousers
12:41But the other day I asked him just
12:43Conversationally like about the women in his office. He went all funny. He's probably never seen you with your tongue hanging out
12:50He's got girly hair and he holidays in gay love paradise Mykonos
12:56Bothers you so much. Why don't you just ask him?
12:59because
13:00It doesn't bother me
13:03It doesn't I thought you liked him. I do I
13:08Just won't be happy until he's out of my flat. That's all
13:13Here I reckon I made a mistake here
13:1612 across
13:18five letters God
13:20That's got to be Jesus, right?
13:23They're not the same thing though. Are they? Yeah, Jesus is the same as God in me bit younger
13:30What about Allah
13:33Now that's gonna put me done and me foreskin out of whack
13:37You sure about this I've been doing this crossword for two weeks
13:42Thank you. Tell me I'm not on top of it by now. I am
13:45Hey Nev you ever been to Germany
13:48Yeah, I toured there with black Sabbath actually. Oh
13:52Great days. Oh, yeah. Oh the camaraderie
14:00The band had this nickname for me. Yeah. Well Neville the lazy bastard roadie
14:08You didn't pick up any German while you're out there did you now I was only there a couple of weeks
14:13Got sacked for having sex with a groupie. Well, that's what they were for. Yeah, I was driving the van at the time
14:21Left the longest skid marks in Bavaria would call it the policeman guy
14:26Listen never told the girl upstairs. I'd translate this letter for her and the only German I remember is please come to bed with me
14:33Nice to see this neighbor. Oh, yeah
14:36Gorgeous. Yeah, just a little with the boyfriend. Yeah. Yeah, it's like going in a pub and finding a cigarette packet
14:43Still got fags in it
14:53Hello
14:55Tony
14:56Of course, it's my phone
14:59Hang on a sec. No this phone. You sold me. It was yours, wasn't it? No, I found it down. Mr. Bye, right?
15:06We expect for 10 quid
15:08Yeah
15:10Gary
15:11Hi. All right. And there this is Gary. He's a bloke who owns a flat I live in
15:16I've got just the thing you want mate. I sure mobile phone
15:20Well, I haven't have a couple of hours on my hand thought I'd come and catch you at work
15:23Oh, what do you think great tape?
15:26This is it is it? Yeah
15:28This is the glittering epicenter of your business empire. Is it?
15:32for a store really
15:34Where do you meet your clients?
15:36Well, I normally stand about here and they normally stand where you are
15:40And if it's Michael Jackson, they normally go down a kebab place on the corner
15:45You told me you were a record company executive. Well, you seem to be looking for a management type
15:49Yeah, look what I got a geek with a jumble sale
15:52Then it's such a bloody snob
15:54You told me you had a secretary. Well, she had to go to look after her baby babies
16:01Baby dogs
16:04I've been down the travel agent. Oh, you're going away. Yes. I think you're going to Mykonos actually. What's it like?
16:11Didn't get about very much. Oh, yes plenty of secluded bays. Are there secluded bays? Yeah, they've got them
16:17Yeah, did your girlfriend like it? Well, actually I just went to the mate. Oh
16:21nice
16:23Are you gonna go no
16:26I hope this job mix-up isn't gonna come between us. Well, we'll see shall we
16:33I
16:40Look
16:42Yeah, well if you must know I'm standing outside Tony smart records limited in bridge road market
16:47What?
16:48No, I don't know who you are. You know who I am
16:51Well, I'm not gonna tell you am I so you won't know will you?
16:57What what's that got to do with you I
16:59Oh
17:01I see officer
17:05All right, well I'll see you when you get here
17:30I
17:33Went to see Tony at work today
17:37Turns out all he runs is a little tiny secondhand record store
17:42Bangos your idea of having the Nolan sisters round for birth Borg in you
17:47Still haven't found out if he's a
17:53Well, I want somebody I can go to the pub with talk about women get drunk
18:00Pick up a tandoori come back. Watch the footy
18:04Open the fridge get out a cab. Oh stop, please
18:08so depressing
18:10Now I found out I'm sharing a flat with pillow biter man
18:15Gary shut up
18:17Well, it's not normal. Is it?
18:19normal
18:21After your suggestion last night that we experiment with whipped cream. I
18:25Was joking you bought six cans of it
18:30I
18:31Look just ask him straight out and shut up
18:35Hiya
18:37Hello. I
18:39Found this I thought I'd paint it up make an attractive lamp great, you know screw a bulb in the top make it nice
18:47Gary wants to ask you something. No, I didn't
18:51What was it? Worrying you Gary? Nothing. Was it something to do with sex?
18:57Do you like me to ask for you
19:00If you like that
19:03Tony Gary was wondering if you go
19:12What I actually said was
19:19Did you see no, I'm not
19:22You
19:27Had to embarrass me didn't you it's so irritating
19:31Hope I'm not interrupting anything. No Gary was just making a complete arse of himself. It's finished
19:38Fought the letter. Okay. Yeah hand it over
19:49Blah blah blah
19:52Dear Debra
19:53Who's it from a German? He ate in the restaurant all last week. We got on really well. Oh, is he nice?
19:58It was actually sort of blonde with a really sensitive mouth
20:04He couldn't write in English. Could he that would have been too simple
20:07Okay, okay
20:09Dear Debra. Thank you for the affection. You showed me. How is London those crazy red buses?
20:15I don't know about you. I worry about the European communities
20:19However, I thought I should write to say that I am a Nazi
20:26To say that I am already engaged to be married on I meant to tell you but I forgot find a nice English boy
20:34best wishes Herman Oh
20:38Bad luck Herman the German
20:40I
20:45Don't know what he's on about when he spoke for half an hour. I did German a level
20:54Dear Debra
20:56Thank you for talking to me when I was lonely in London
20:59Can I ask you a favor? My friend has a Morris Traveller car
21:05which he is seeking the timber for and
21:08Which he cannot buy here in Berlin
21:12Please send me some and I will send you the money best wishes Herman
21:19What did I say
21:24Him for asking me to send him car parts or you for being a pathetic lying scumbag, it's a tricky one
21:39Oh
21:40No, no, she's got brilliant legs. Trust me tapered, you know, we've already got the legs we
21:48know
21:49Right. We'll have Michelle Pfeiffer up to the knee and a woman off the special K advert up to the hip
21:57This is getting really complicated well, we're gonna be sharing a log cabin for like
22:04Eternity
22:06Might as well get the details, right? All right, let's recap. Hmm. The face is a singer with a cute nose from the Bangles
22:15bottom Kylie, obviously
22:18Alternating on a weekly basis with the Cuban sprinter in the leotard whose name we can't remember
22:28I was gonna go home and then you two started discussing which beers turn your urine blue and I lost the will to live
22:37I'm gonna stay the night then. I have to
22:41Not Dorothy
22:44Chance of you two treating women like human beings one of these days. Hmm. Sorry. Sorry
22:53So what about people we know
22:57Morning the chemistry doesn't wear a bra
22:59Oh great great lips, there's always Deborah, of course
23:29Can you do that
23:59You