Frasier Season 6 Episode 18 Taps At The Montana
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Hey boys, how was dinner?
00:02Oh, let's just say when I picked my lobster out of the tank, I had no idea he was in for a better evening than I was.
00:11What happened?
00:12Well, it started out well enough.
00:14First, they seated us at a superb table, certainly better than the one next to us.
00:20I wish, unfortunately, they sat Daphne and Donny.
00:23Oh, jeez.
00:25Being very affectionate, of course.
00:27Whispering, laughing, holding hands.
00:30This is a place where people were trying to eat.
00:35Well, in an attempt to make things better, I suggested that Niles and I switch seats so that he could face the other table.
00:43Unfortunately, moments later, they seated Maris there with her new boyfriend.
00:52Also being affectionate.
00:54Grooming each other like spider monkeys.
00:59She was deliberately taunting me, playing the same coquettish games we used to play in restaurants,
01:04batting her eyes and coyly hiding behind her breadstick.
01:12And then to top it all off, the pouif we say we ordered was a grave disappointment.
01:17Yes, well, I urged him to send it back, but no, he didn't want to create a scene in front of Daphne.
01:21Oh, not that she even noticed.
01:23The way Donny was feeding her forkfuls of risotto as if she'd lost her arms instead of her mind.
01:28What is she doing with him?
01:31Well, some days it doesn't pay to get out of bed.
01:34Well, at the Shangri-La, the highlight of my day is getting out of bed so I can slam it back up into the wall.
01:41How long are you going to stay there? You can afford to go back to the Montana now, can't you?
01:45Yes, but thanks to Frasier, there's a tenant living there.
01:48May I remind you that you begged me to find you a sublet?
01:53Someone austere and dignified enough not to offend your starchy neighbors?
01:58Frasier, I'm not trying to blame you. It's just my whole world is crashing down around me and I want to go home.
02:04Well, I'm sorry, Nas. He's still got two months left on his sublet.
02:07Can't you give him a call and lean on him a little bit?
02:09Dad, the man has a lease. I can't be able to call him up and ask him to move out.
02:15Hey, hi, Dad.
02:17Hey, Bill.
02:18How was dinner?
02:19It was wonderful. You should have come over and joined us.
02:22Oh, well, you look like you had enough to contend with but with your table's fork shortage.
02:32Oh, Donnie takes such good care of me.
02:35You know, after you left, I made the tiniest comment about not liking the Poulet Fusay and he sent it back.
02:41That's nutty wine steward argued with him but Donnie made a bit of a scene with the owner
02:46and the next thing you knew, our entire meal was on the house.
02:50I've never been prouder of him.
02:56Frasier, I want to go home.
02:59I'll call Dr. McCloud.
03:02Dr. Crane, you're back.
03:05Yes, Mrs. Latimer. Fortunately, my sublet was able to move out early.
03:10I trust your tour was a success?
03:12A triumph.
03:14Good. Take care.
03:17Tour?
03:21I could hardly let these people know where I was living.
03:24I told them I was on a lecture tour of Africa so they wouldn't try to contact me.
03:27Ah.
03:30You know, Nas, maybe he isn't here. Maybe we should just let ourselves in.
03:33Right, all right.
03:40I'm home.
03:44Oh.
03:46Oh.
03:49I'm home.
03:53Oh.
03:55I can already feel the last four months dropping away.
03:59Yes, soon Africa will be just a memory.
04:07I just want to close my eyes and savor the serenity.
04:13What the hell is that?
04:18It's Dr. McClowry.
04:23Dr. McClowry, what are you doing?
04:26Oh, that was a ball change leading to a rift drop.
04:30You gotta lick it and stick it.
04:33When did you take up tap dancing?
04:36Oh, years ago. I figured if I didn't dance, I'd go crazy.
04:43Oh.
04:48I'm not sure he caught it in time.
04:52What, what, what?
04:54Oh!
04:56Oh, baseball, baseball house.
04:59Dr. McClowry, please. They're neighbors.
05:02You tell me about it. Why are those bunch of sourpusses, why all they do is complain?
05:07Sunshine ring.
05:13Oh, well, look who it is.
05:16It's the tenants board come to welcome me home.
05:19Carol and Alfred Larkin. You remember my brother, Frasier.
05:22Oh, and Mr. Probst.
05:24See here, Crane.
05:26We abhor noise in this building.
05:30Oh, I couldn't agree more.
05:36And what do you call that?
05:38What do you call that?
05:40I believe that was lick it and stick it.
05:47This has been going on for months.
05:50We would have contacted you if we'd known how to.
05:53Well, I'm sorry, but Dr. McClowry's moving out now.
05:56I'm afraid the board is leaning towards rescinding your lease.
06:01What? Why?
06:04Because you're a menace, Crane.
06:08You always have been.
06:10You have some bit of a reputation in this building.
06:14What with all the raucous parties you've hosted.
06:17I'm not a well man.
06:19I have a serious heart problem, and I demand quiet.
06:23We all do.
06:24Well, Mr. Probst, I assure you...
06:25Shut up.
06:26We're having a board meeting tomorrow evening in which we intend to discuss your situation.
06:31And if I were you, I wouldn't plan on unpacking.
06:38So nice seeing you again.
06:49It was good of you to go to all this trouble for your brother, Dr. Crane.
06:52Yes, well, in a way, I felt responsible.
06:54Oh, really? I don't know why.
06:56Just because you sublet my apartment to Bojangles the Loon.
07:02Oh, I'll get it.
07:05Niles, will you relax, please? Give me that.
07:08Oh, relax? How can I?
07:09In an hour, these people could vote me right out of my home.
07:12Which they won't do if you show them a good time at this little reception.
07:15A couple of drinks, some food, some witty conversation.
07:18They'll realize what an asset you are to this building.
07:21Hi, guys.
07:22Oh, hey, Ross.
07:23Great party, Niles.
07:29I was a little surprised to get your last minute invitation.
07:32You're not trying to set me up with anybody, are you?
07:35Don't be ridiculous.
07:37Good.
07:38You're here because the caterer canceled.
07:40Now, listen.
07:41I need you to open the wine, cut up some limes, and hang up this coat.
07:46You actually think I am so hard up for a night out
07:49that I would spend the evening pushing drinks in God's waiting room?
07:56Ross, please.
07:58You're paying for the babysitter.
08:00All right, Tom.
08:02What am I, the dishwasher?
08:04No, Dad.
08:05You were invited because it just wouldn't be a party without you.
08:08That's right.
08:09Although there may be a few women here that are unattached.
08:13You might just take a shine to an old debonair dog like yourself.
08:18I'm just a piece of meat to you guys, aren't I?
08:25Oh, there goes that damn loose earring again.
08:29Thank goodness it didn't fall into the punch bowl.
08:32We don't want someone choking on it, do we?
08:34Although nothing says party like a tracheotomy.
08:39You must tell us all about your African tour, Dr. Crane.
08:43Yes.
08:44Did the local people actually enjoy your lectures?
08:48Well, yes, quite a bit.
08:50Except, of course, for the pygmies, most of it went right over their heads.
09:00I'll get it.
09:07Oh, the rest of the board, pleased to see you.
09:15Dr. Crane, while you were on the subcontinent,
09:19did you happen to spot any rare African waterfowl?
09:23Just one, but it was already spotted.
09:30I'll get it.
09:34Shoo, shoo, shoo!
09:36For God's sake, Niles, will you do something with this damn bird?
09:39Quiet, quiet, quiet.
09:41There you go, over here.
09:43Niles sucks!
09:50Boys at the Shangri-La love teaching her things like that.
09:53It's so tiring.
09:55Right back at you.
09:57Frazier, please, hurry with the hors d'oeuvres.
09:59The guests are already hostile toward me.
10:01I'm not going to win any points by starving them.
10:03Stop it, Niles.
10:05Oh, don't tempt me.
10:11Oh, Dr. Crane.
10:13Who is that distinguished-looking man over there?
10:18I've been trying to catch his eye,
10:20but he's far too engrossed in that gardening book.
10:23Well, that is actually my father, Martin.
10:26Dad!
10:31Don't mind him. He's painfully shy.
10:33Oh, I know just how he feels.
10:36I'm a bit of a shrinking violet myself.
10:38Martin!
10:40Martin!
10:42Martin!
10:44Martin!
10:46Oh, Martin!
10:51Do you see that obnoxious old lecher?
10:53Well, you're going to have to be a lot more specific.
10:58The one in the blue jacket.
11:00I'm about this close to slapping him.
11:02What? That is Mr. Hawkins.
11:04He's the vice president of the tenants' board.
11:06Well, I don't care who he is.
11:08He just pinched me.
11:10Roz, please, the man is 80 and arthritic.
11:13How hard can he pinch?
11:15Ow! Ow!
11:19It's not working. People are not talking.
11:21They're not mixing. People are pinching.
11:23Stop it! Stop it!
11:25The party is just starting. Everything's going to be just fine.
11:28Don't you touch me!
11:32Daphne, how are those other...
11:38Baby.
11:41Oh, dear God.
11:47This bird's dead.
11:49How did this happen?
11:51She must have eaten some of the hors d'oeuvres.
11:54You mean the ones I just served to Niles' guests?
11:57You are very welcome.
11:59Oh, Frazier, I am so sorry.
12:02I completely overreacted.
12:04People really perked up once they saw those appetizers of yours.
12:07People really perked up once they saw those appetizers of yours.
12:10You know, I think the Niles Crane party curse has finally been laid to rest.
12:20What?
12:29Will somebody please tell me what happened?
12:32I'm going to let Daphne tell you.
12:38What is it?
12:40I don't mean to alarm you, but there's something wrong with the hors d'oeuvres.
12:44What? How do you know?
12:46A little bird told me.
12:52No!
12:54Sorry. Sorry. I forgot the garnish.
12:58I'm just dreadfully embarrassed about this.
13:00Give me that. Thank you very much.
13:02It's just chef's prerogative.
13:04Oh, you understand, of course.
13:06Oh, for God's sake!
13:13Did you see how it happened? Anything?
13:16Well, I did hear her last words,
13:18but I don't think they bear much comfort to you.
13:22Oh, God, Niles, I'm so sorry.
13:25My God, the mayonnaise must have gone bad.
13:27Or the crab.
13:29Or the pate.
13:31Which one did she eat?
13:33I don't know. Daphne, smell her beak.
13:37All right. All right.
13:39Niles, are you all right?
13:41I just need a moment.
13:43Oh, Dr. Craig.
13:45That's long enough.
13:47Excuse me. I'm afraid I spilled punch on my dress.
13:50I need a towel.
13:52No, no. You're much better off using that.
13:55Yeah, this bread.
13:57It's more absorbent.
13:59Really?
14:01I call it nature sponge.
14:04All right.
14:08It's working.
14:15All right, what do we do now?
14:17Daphne, you get rid of baby.
14:19I'll get rid of this tainted food.
14:21Yes, but we still have a room full of hungry guests
14:24with nothing to serve them.
14:28Oh, God, would you look at that?
14:30She must have swallowed my earring.
14:32That's what killed her.
14:34Oh, that means we don't have to destroy the hors d'oeuvres.
14:36Frasier, Frasier, stop.
14:38Are there any left?
14:40Yes, we're in luck.
14:44This intrepid little crab puff has survived.
14:47Now all I need is a very sharp knife and 16 toothpicks.
14:53Niles.
14:55I am really getting tired of these people.
14:57The old lady just handed me a piece of wet bread.
15:00Oh, this party is doomed.
15:02No, no, Niles, listen.
15:04Don't panic.
15:05We've got everything we need to make more hors d'oeuvres.
15:07All we need is time.
15:09You get out there and stall.
15:11All right.
15:12Mrs. Latimer.
15:13May I get you some punch?
15:15Well, your father wanted to get me some,
15:17but that was quite a while ago.
15:19Please allow me. Here.
15:21By the way, where is that adorable bird of yours?
15:24Um, she's resting.
15:28Travel really takes it out of her.
15:31You didn't take her to Africa, surely?
15:34Well, she has family there.
15:41Ah, Mr. Probst, having a good time?
15:43Look here, Crane, if you're not going to feed us,
15:45we might as well take the vote right now.
15:47No, no, no, no, please, please.
15:49I mean, you bring the gourds, you take the hors d'oeuvres away.
15:51What kind of a game is this you're playing with us?
15:53Well, I'm not, I'm not...
15:55Oh, what a good idea!
15:57Why don't we all play a game?
15:58Anyone have any suggestions?
16:00How about murder?
16:01We played it at Irene Warner's party.
16:04It was a hoot.
16:05So, how do we play?
16:07Well, here.
16:08Someone tear off a few slips of paper
16:11and on one of them write the word murderer.
16:14Then we'll pass them out and then everyone hide
16:17and we'll turn out the lights.
16:19And then the murderer kills someone
16:21and they lay down on the floor
16:22and then we turn on the lights
16:23and the detective tries to solve the crime.
16:26I'll tell you what, I'll volunteer to play the detective
16:29for the first round.
16:30Let the mayhem begin.
16:32Oh, Martin, there you are.
16:35Come, hide with me.
16:37I know a little nook where no one will find us.
16:43Well, this game's a lot scarier than I thought.
16:48All right, turn out the lights.
16:51Everyone, hide!
16:57Ah, you can't see.
16:59Can I help you, sir?
17:01I don't have my glasses.
17:02Can you tell me what it says on this thing?
17:04It says murderer.
17:06Good, then you're dead.
17:10This party just gets better and better.
17:16How soon?
17:17I'm going as fast as I can.
17:18The first batch should be ready in five minutes.
17:20All right.
17:22Five minutes it is.
17:24Ready or not, here I come.
17:27My goodness, the foul fiend has struck already.
17:31Turn the lights on.
17:33Good heavens, he's struck twice.
17:35That's not really in the rules, is it?
17:37No, sir.
17:38Uh-uh.
17:39Once dead, you cannot move or speak.
17:40Take your cue from Mr. Provost.
17:42All right, everyone.
17:44Did any of you see anything suspicious?
17:48Any odd behavior?
17:51Why don't you just guess who did it so we can get this thing over with?
17:55Not yet.
17:57This is very intriguing.
18:00I think I'm going to have to think about it for...
18:07five minutes or so.
18:10Maybe this game was a bad idea.
18:14No, the fun's just starting.
18:16I tell you what, let's turn out the lights again,
18:18and we'll let our craven villain ply his dark trade once more.
18:23Are you quite sure those two didn't die of starvation?
18:27That's very funny.
18:29Will you just turn out the lights, please?
18:31All right, everyone, hide!
18:34Frasier, I have a question.
18:35No, Ros, no talking.
18:37Just tell me, can the murderer commit suicide?
18:41Well, no, Ros, that wouldn't make much sense, would it?
18:44Well, that's what I thought, but Mr. Probst is the one who murdered me.
18:48Oh, was he?
18:50Yes.
18:51Well, then, Mr. Probst, I don't think someone is playing by the rules, is he?
18:56You see, this way, no one else can get murdered, can they?
19:02Mr. Probst?
19:05What is it? What are you doing?
19:08Nothing, Ros, nothing.
19:10Are you taking his pulse?
19:12Trying to, I just can't find one.
19:16Oh, my God, but he fell down.
19:18I thought it was part of the game, it didn't even look real.
19:22Okay, it's time to wind the game up.
19:24The appetizers are ready, Mayor.
19:25Say, they are delicious.
19:26I think this party is finally back on track.
19:33Niles, I'm afraid Mr. Probst has passed on.
19:39What?
19:41Yes, you see, I think that heart condition of his finally caught up with him.
19:46Dead?
19:47No, no, no, he's sleeping.
19:54Old people love to nap.
19:56Mr. Probst, time to wake up.
19:59Niles, Niles, he's gone.
20:01Oh, oh, my God, this is awful, how could this happen?
20:08Shouldn't we notify someone?
20:10Well, oh, he was a widower, he had no children, he lived alone in this building for 25 years.
20:15Oh, this is so awful.
20:17Mr. Probst was right, I am a menace.
20:19No, Niles, this is not your fault.
20:21But it happened at my party, that's all they'll remember, I may as well pack my bags.
20:25I'll tell you what, there's no need for that.
20:27I think we can still get him out of here without anybody noticing.
20:30How?
20:33You go find Dad.
20:35Tell him to call one of his friends at the police department, one of his good friends, all right?
20:40I'll handle the rest.
20:42What's the rest?
20:44I'm going to use the gang to distract everyone.
20:47I will take everyone into the kitchen for questioning, thus drawing their attention from the bodies.
20:53What do you mean bodies?
20:55Rod.
20:56No.
20:57Get down, you've got to get back on the floor.
20:59No, lay in hell.
21:00All right, all right, how's this?
21:02I will pay your airfare for that vacation of yours next month.
21:07No way, it's just too creepy.
21:10First class?
21:11Business.
21:12Done.
21:13All right, get down.
21:16Watch out.
21:17Oh.
21:18Shh, shh, shh.
21:19Oh, okay, professional, professional.
21:21I found Dad hiding from Mrs. Latimer.
21:23He called his friend.
21:24Great, all right, I'll start getting everyone in the kitchen.
21:28Wait, wait, won't they wonder why there hasn't been another murder?
21:30Good point.
21:31Couldn't we move this along?
21:33Oh, quiet.
21:35Here, the wagon's on its way.
21:36When it gets here, let me deal with it.
21:38All right, thank you, Dad, I really appreciate this.
21:40Dad, we need one more favor.
21:42You are now the killer.
21:43Listen, come on, you've got to murder somebody, preferably in the kitchen.
21:47Oh, come on.
21:48You're not going to make somebody lie down on this dirty floor again, are you?
21:51Oh, there you are, Martin.
21:53Have you been hiding from me?
21:55I did?
21:56No, you're just the person I've been looking for.
22:00Oh.
22:04All right, turn on the lights.
22:06Everyone.
22:07Rose, you okay?
22:08Yeah, it's a carnival down here.
22:10Everyone, there has been another murder in the kitchen.
22:18I am ready to solve the crime if you will all join me in the kitchen.
22:27Why can't you solve it right here?
22:29Well, I could, you see, but that wouldn't be proper.
22:32You see, the hors d'oeuvres are in there.
22:35Come along.
22:36All right, everyone.
22:38We've got food.
22:40Don't touch the crime scene, please.
22:42Thank you very much.
22:44On your way.
22:47Thank you very much.
22:48Hurry, his fingers are getting stiff.
22:54All right, then.
22:56Before I determine the identity of the killer, there are a few questions I'd like to ask each of you.
23:04I'll get it.
23:05No.
23:06No one leaves until I've solved the crime, except you dead.
23:11All right, then.
23:14I think I shall begin by drawing a diagram of where each of you were standing when the first murder occurred.
23:27Oh.
23:31We have established that Miss Finn was talking with Mr. Larkin in the upstairs hall at 8.14.
23:45And he muttered something.
23:51Why do you keep looking out there?
23:53I'll ask the questions around here, Mrs. Larkin.
23:58He already told you your father killed Mrs. Lattimer.
24:01Mrs. Hawkins saw him.
24:02Mrs. Hawkins thought she saw him.
24:04No, Martin did kill me.
24:07And he's got a lot to learn about playing gently.
24:12Mrs. Lattimer, we have already broken the no eating while dead rule, but we will stand fast on the quiet one.
24:22I'm bored and I'm going home.
24:25No, no, no, wait, you can't blame Niles for this, because...
24:31My father is the killer.
24:35Yes, the case is closed.
24:37My father is the killer.
24:39Yes, the case is closed.
24:41Shall we all play another round?
24:43God forbid.
24:44Mom.
24:45Where's Probst?
24:46He just left. He wasn't feeling well.
24:49Yeah, so I hope he's all right, poor man.
24:51Oh, who cares? I never liked the old coot anyway.
24:56You didn't?
24:57I was planning to vote for you tonight, just to annoy him.
25:00Me too.
25:01Well, why don't we vote right now?
25:03Consider it done.
25:05Jim Crane, welcome back.
25:07Harold, let's get out of here.
25:13Doesn't he have anything stiffer than punch to drink?
25:16I don't like looking at dead bodies, much less touching them.
25:20I think he's got a bottle of vodka in the freezer, Ross.
25:22Oh, great.
25:36Thank you. Thank you so much for this second chance,
25:39and I can assure you from now on,
25:41this will be the quietest apartment in the Montana.
25:44Oh, my God!
25:46Good night.
25:57Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling
25:59For salads and scrambled eggs
26:03Mercy
26:05And maybe I seem a bit confused
26:08Well, maybe, but I got your pegs
26:14But I don't know what to do
26:16With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs
26:21They're calling again
26:24Good night, Seattle, we love you!