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00:00How are you gonna afford Jeff Inchcliffe?
00:02He'll need first-class train fare, he'll need a suite at the hotel.
00:05Jeff Inchcliffe? Er, he's a Bolton scout. Juniors, mainly.
00:09So did you upgrade?
00:11I did, yeah. Saved it up from the housekeeping.
00:14Can I downgrade McConnell to a standard?
00:17What happened to the suite, Terry?
00:20And put Inchcliffe in the suite.
00:22There's no sign of him, Mr. Inchcliffe.
00:24It's my dad. He's had a heart attack.
00:27Oh, Steve, Steve, I'm sorry, mate.
00:29Steve Robson's dad's dying. Janice wants you to have a word.
00:32Right, Steve, let it all out.
00:35I favour the 4-5-1 formation.
00:39But both boys will get their chance.
00:43Keep some of it in, Steve, if you can.
00:45I'm sure I'd like any shirt you were wearing, Marnie.
00:48I'm sure you would, didn't you?
00:50He's made his intentions pretty clear.
01:00Come on!
01:11So, how's things?
01:13Fine. Thank you for asking.
01:16I'm fine, too.
01:18So, did Mr. Inchcliffe check in?
01:21Yeah.
01:23I'll have a look, shall I?
01:25See if the mysterious Mr. Inchcliffe turned up in the middle of the night.
01:31Yes, he has.
01:33Yes! Brilliant. What number?
01:35Sorry, sir, I can't give out guest room numbers.
01:38I paid for that room.
01:40Nevertheless, I ain't comfortable with it.
01:43Oh.
01:45Oh, right, right.
01:48We're here, are we? Right.
01:52Of course, sir, tipping is discretionary.
01:54Of course it is, yeah, yeah.
01:57Today, he's in room three.
02:00No.
02:02Oh, I've got to tip you for every number.
02:05You'd better not have 1,000 rooms, I'm telling you.
02:09Room 321.
02:11Room 321. Right.
02:17God, it's funny, but I'm nervous, you know?
02:20For Melky.
02:22Behind that door is the man who's going to change his life forever.
02:28Oh.
02:29KNOCK AT DOOR
02:31Hello?
02:37Steve?
02:42Sorry about your dad dying.
02:44Yes, thanks.
02:46Is he here?
02:48Is he here?
02:50Did you bring him down with you?
02:52No.
02:54Why would I bring him down with me?
02:56Bit of company, you know, on the road.
02:59It's not much company, Terry.
03:01Well, it's better than nothing.
03:03He's dead, Terry.
03:05Dead?
03:07When did this happen?
03:09Yesterday, I told you.
03:11About your dad, yeah, not about Hinchcliffe.
03:13I'm not talking about Hinchcliffe.
03:17Oh!
03:18Oh, thank God.
03:20So Hinchcliffe's alive, it's your dad that's dead?
03:22Thank God.
03:24Right, there's still a chance then, so where is he?
03:26My dad or...
03:27Hinchcliffe.
03:29Well, I don't know, I thought I might as well use the room.
03:32The room that I'm paying for, you know that, don't you?
03:34Yeah, yeah, well...
03:36Hey, now, you know what it feels like to pay for something
03:38and get nothing back, eh?
03:41Oh.
03:48And last but not least...
03:49Don't drink anything this man gives you, Ranjeet.
03:51Oh, come on, Kaskar, you don't still think I tried to poison your boy.
03:54Well, there are no other suspects.
03:56The kid's a bottler, it's nothing to do with me.
03:58You drink it.
03:59I don't need a drink.
04:00He doesn't need a drink, you see, Ranjeet.
04:02The finger of suspicion points clearly at...
04:04Right, I'll drink it.
04:06Lovely.
04:07Now there is no drink for my son.
04:09Morning.
04:10Last night?
04:11So?
04:12No.
04:13Oh.
04:14You?
04:15No.
04:16Oh.
04:17Still?
04:18Yeah.
04:19There's always tonight.
04:20Big news on Mercier, you guys are not going to believe this.
04:22He's playing no-one up front.
04:23Not 4-1-4-1.
04:24No, more like one-on-one with any guy he fancies.
04:28You're joking.
04:29Mercier's a gay?
04:31No joke.
04:32I was in town last night having my kebab.
04:34By the way, excellent, Donna, really spicy sauce.
04:36Yeah, right, anyway, yeah.
04:38I've seen him hug this guy,
04:40then go arm-in-arm into a gay club.
04:42Oi.
04:44Still, I don't think the coach's sexuality is important.
04:48No, I've not got no problem with both.
04:50So?
04:51So we just carry on as normal as if nothing's happened.
04:53Which it hasn't.
04:54Which it hasn't, yeah.
04:57Oh.
04:58Oh.
04:59I hear you were out last night, Raymond.
05:01I hope you haven't knackered yourself.
05:03Not at all, Sandra.
05:04Sure, Birmingham is a lively place,
05:06but no worries.
05:07I can take...
05:09Oh.
05:10Oh, come here.
05:12You like it, you like it, huh?
05:14A little bit of paper.
05:15All right, gentlemen, I have got the team sheet.
05:19Oh, thank you.
05:20Little G is on the bench?
05:22No, to be fair, that's a good team selection for a Parisian.
05:26Everybody keep the spirit up.
05:28We're going to make it, OK?
05:29Yes, we're going to make it.
05:36Yes, yes, yes.
05:37Well, it's a strike.
06:06It's a strike.
06:07Knockout competition between 16 teams.
06:10Those teams that don't progress go into the plate tournament.
06:14Those that don't progress from the first round of the plate
06:17go into the...
06:18Dorset?
06:19It's bowl.
06:20Well, if you're losing the bowl, you've done nothing but lose.
06:23That is one winner, 15 losers.
06:25End of.
06:26There will also be a trophy for player of the tournament.
06:30Oh, tell Ian Gravers, two Cs in McConnell.
06:33And there's two Ds in Dickhead.
06:37We expect fair play and have a zero-tolerance approach to violence.
06:43What are you looking at me for?
06:44It better end over here, it's started, eh?
06:46What, what, what?
06:49And may the best team win.
06:51Ah, shit!
06:53Ah, shit!
06:57Good luck, lads, good luck.
07:02Will you be using the substitute, Ellie?
07:04We'll see how it goes.
07:07Perhaps when Gordie has time.
07:10After a couple of minutes.
07:14Have fun, love.
07:15OK, Mum.
07:16Fun?
07:17Fun?
07:18Don't you dare let me down by having fun.
07:19Football is not about fun.
07:20It's about grit and determination.
07:22Blood, sweat and snotters, yeah?
07:23You listen to me, it's about pain, son, about pain.
07:25You have got to be prepared to die.
07:28Go on, you enjoy yourself then.
07:30OK?
07:34Believe, OK?
07:35Believe in here.
07:38OK, boys?
07:40Allez les rouges!
07:41Go!
07:42You're an inspiration to those boys, Raymond.
07:44Good luck.
07:46Good luck, love.
07:47Good luck, Jack.
07:48Let's go.
07:50Don't get too comfy there, love, that's for reserve.
07:53Just hold your commitment.
07:55Get in.
07:56A little more, a little more.
07:58And I know.
08:17It's the best way.
08:18He's going to get a card.
08:19Don't risk it.
08:20Substitute.
08:22He's got a substitute.
08:39Look, it's all for you.
08:41What's the point in Malky playing a blinder
08:43if Hinchcliffe's not even here to see it?
08:45That he might be enjoying himself.
08:46That he might be enjoying...
08:47It's not about enjoyment, Janice.
08:48It's not high school bloody musical.
08:50It's Malky's future, this.
08:55Where the fuck are you, Hinchcliffe?
08:57Shut up.
08:58Show yourself up.
09:09About bloody time.
09:13I'm going to go and get a burger.
09:15Yeah, well, stop, you know, just cos Malky ain't playing.
09:17I'm not staying here and watch us lose a lead.
09:20Yeah.
09:26Come on, Hinchcliffe!
09:30Let's go!
09:34We're going to win the Cup, we're going to win the Cup
09:39And now you're going to believe us, and now you're going to believe us
09:43And now you're going to believe us
09:45We're going to win the Cup
09:48Well played boys and girls.
09:55Who's the f***ing girl?
09:57Raymond, my coach, my star.
10:01I agree, he's tremendous.
10:03And I know that Sandra wants to shake you firmly by the hand.
10:07Brilliant.
10:09I'll give you a hug.
10:12Why not the hug?
10:18Great performance, eh Terry?
10:20I tell you, the coach, he's doing a job for me, you've got to admit.
10:23Yeah, yeah.
10:25Sandra, did you do the usual background checks on Mercier?
10:29I wouldn't have appointed him if I hadn't.
10:32Why?
10:33Well, it's just, you know, are you aware of his...
10:39orientation?
10:41Orientation?
10:42You know...
10:45sexually.
10:47I have no idea about Raymond's sexuality, nor any interest.
10:53It's just a forebelly, saw him going into the muscular arms last night with a guy holding hands.
10:59What, you're saying he's gay?
11:00No, no, no, he just suffers from cold hands.
11:02Yes, he's gay.
11:05So?
11:06Well, is it appropriate, you know, with the boys?
11:09He's gay, he's not a paedophile.
11:11No, and no, I'm just saying, better safe than sorry.
11:15What possible difference could it make?
11:17Look, Sandra, there's no history of that type coaching successfully.
11:21I mean, it's 7am, Fergie's on the training pitch, she's not cruising Canal Street.
11:24Come on, I can't believe I'm hearing this. This is your issue, Terry.
11:27I've got no problem with it at all.
11:29No, I don't have a problem with it, I just thought you'd like to be the first to know.
11:33You want Sandra that Mercier's a shale lifter?
11:36It'd take one second to know, he obviously told me.
11:38Cas got out.
11:39There's three of us.
11:40Three.
11:41You're the first woman.
11:42Thanks.
11:45Look at this, a tenner.
11:47£10 left from £400.
11:50I'm going to nip round the bullring this morning and get myself something to wear for this evening.
11:55I might have even bought you a new shirt.
11:59Just calm down, Janice.
12:01I know it was wrong to steal the money for Inchcliffe's swim.
12:03Janice was pretty upset, yeah.
12:05I knew I had to say something.
12:08Look, Janice, what it is...
12:11When I find out who stole this money, I'll bloody brain him.
12:14I mean it, Terry.
12:15It must have been a chambermaid.
12:17They're in and out of here all the time.
12:19Plenty of opportunity.
12:20What do you think?
12:23The thing I'm outlining is, you have got to be confident, yeah?
12:29Yeah, chambermaid, yeah, chambermaid.
12:31It's despicable.
12:32Yeah, bloody despicable.
12:34They're the scum of the earth, they are.
12:35Well, no, you don't want to be too harsh, you don't want their personal situation.
12:38Scum, Terry, that is all there is to it.
12:39Bloody scum.
12:40Maybe I should have been honest, you know, but I panicked.
12:43You know, I was just trying to buy some time to, you know, to get the money back.
12:47We'll speak to the manager.
12:49Oh, my God, no, I'm not having lunch here, Janice.
12:51You don't want to go accusing chambermaids on empty stomach.
12:53We will have a thorough investigation.
12:56We've got CCTV on every floor.
12:58We'll get to the bottom of this.
12:59Yeah, you'd better.
13:00Would you like to inform the police?
13:02Get a crime number for insurance.
13:04No, no, no, no, if we don't need police involved, then we don't.
13:07Don't we?
13:08Well, no, I might distract the boys, you know, before kick-off and, you know, put them off with the police.
13:13We're probably best off just writing this off, put it down to bad luck.
13:16Bad luck, nothing.
13:17I want that money back, missy.
13:21She's a woman, you know.
13:22Well, obviously, you know.
13:24Look, while I'm here, suite 321, the guy in there, that's not Inchcliffe.
13:29Could you boot him out?
13:31Oh, but go gentle, his dad's just died.
13:34Yeah, it helps.
13:35Of course it does, but one swallow doth, you know, doesn't make a summer.
13:41Profit margins just keep getting tighter.
13:43Yeah, people are getting bigger.
13:45Wider.
13:46So coffins need to be bigger, small wood.
13:49Yeah, and refrigerators, also bigger.
13:52Embalming fluid's not cheap.
13:53No, never was.
13:54You know, it doesn't always make financial sense to apply a second coat, as it were.
13:59And there's the people that aren't dying.
14:02I mean, smoking ban, that hasn't helped.
14:04No.
14:05We'll get them in the end, obviously, but when?
14:08Will we be here?
14:10Which is why it's important to publicise feral funeral directors as much as possible.
14:18Mr and Mrs McConnell, may I have a word?
14:21Pardon me.
14:23There you go, Inch.
14:30This is my head of security. He'd like to ask you a few questions.
14:33We're just about to leave, it's a big game.
14:34We've got time, Terry. Go on.
14:36So, when did you last see the money?
14:38Er, yesterday evening, just after we checked in.
14:40And I left the bag in the room, that's why I know I didn't lose it.
14:43OK.
14:44And, er, at any time did you see anyone acting suspiciously?
14:48It's funny you should say that, cos that's just jogged my memory.
14:52What has?
14:53The idea of somebody acting suspiciously.
14:56Not idea, er, image.
14:58Go on.
14:59Erm, there was a guy, when I went up to check on the boys,
15:04they were hurrying down the corridor.
15:06And what did he look like?
15:08Total cry-much, you know.
15:10You've not mentioned this before.
15:11I mean, memory jogged before. How do I have now?
15:14Cry-much, you say?
15:16Yeah, erm, classic, hood, you know.
15:19Right, hoodie.
15:21Yeah, and a hat.
15:23And, er, did you get a chance to look at his face, sir?
15:26No, not with the hat and the hood, I couldn't really make...
15:30I'll check the CCTV.
15:32Did I mention the scarf? He had a scarf.
15:35Scarf? Mm.
15:37Right.
15:39So, basically, I'm looking for Scott of the Antarctic.
15:42KNOCK AT DOOR
15:44Can't wait any longer, guys!
15:46Right. Thanks for your time.
15:48Thank you. Keep us informed. Yeah.
15:50Solid bronze handles. It's what your father deserves.
15:53Give him the best, Vincent.
15:55Everything. Top of the range. Let's get going, Vincent.
15:58Yeah, you drive. I'm in a meeting.
16:00Now, of course, horse-drawn carriages are making a comeback.
16:06Oh!
16:11All right. All right.
16:13Yeah? OK.
16:15Want to get in the car? Yes.
16:18Give you a chance to see what it'll be like on the day.
16:21OK. Yeah?
16:23The flag won't be there. We've got some tissues on the...
16:26It's fine. One of the kids was sick.
16:36Nothing is impossible.
16:39It is a state of mind, OK?
16:42So if I ask you to live in temperatures of minus 50
16:46through snowstorms,
16:48in the darkest of Antarctic winter,
16:52you will say,
16:54no, no, it is impossible.
16:57Well, tell it to the penguin.
17:00Oh, God. He's talking about penguins now.
17:03Nothing is possible. He's talking sense.
17:05All right, now he's starting me ranting he's a bloody merino.
17:08Impossible is nothing. It has nothing to do with that.
17:11Be the penguin, boys.
17:14OK?
17:16Be the penguin.
17:23I can't believe he's starting me malking on the bench.
17:26Still, what did you expect, eh? You know what them lot are like.
17:29No.
17:31Well, they can't stick to one thing, can they?
17:33Life's just one big rotation, isn't it?
17:35Different team every day, different bloke every night.
17:38What are you on about?
17:40Haven't you heard?
17:42Mercy, eh?
17:44The play's been the opposition.
17:46You're kidding. No.
17:48Four Bellies saw him last night
17:50kissing a guy outside the butt burglars' arms.
17:53Kid you not.
17:55Well, I never.
17:58Raymond, good luck, Raymond.
18:00Yeah, what? Ah, yeah.
18:02OK.
18:04She's wasting her time.
18:06Yes, indeed.
18:09CHEERING
18:13WHISTLE BLOWS
18:20CHEERING
18:23WHISTLE BLOWS
18:31WHISTLE BLOWS
18:34WHISTLE BLOWS
18:37WHISTLE BLOWS
18:39Oh, f*** you!
18:41WHISTLE BLOWS
18:46CHEERING
18:51Come on, Ranjeet.
18:53What were you thinking, Ranjeet?
18:55It's a team game.
18:57Yes, and it's Ranjeet who's letting the team down.
18:59Stop saying Ranjeet.
19:01Did anyone else of you miss? It was Ranjeet, wasn't it?
19:03Was it definitely... Oi, look.
19:05Oi, the pad there.
19:07Ranjeet. R-A-N-J-E-E-T.
19:09Oh, my God.
19:11Terry, look.
19:13No, he never saw me play.
19:15I've got to tell the kids.
19:17Kids, hey, kids.
19:19Listen to me, listen to me.
19:21Listen to me. You've got to seize the day.
19:23Seize the day.
19:25Carper did the day.
19:28Tell your dads you love them.
19:30Thank God Inchcliffe's not here to see this.
19:32I did it!
19:43Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
19:45Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
19:49Come on, come on, come on!
20:05Yeah!
20:07Yeah!
20:21Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.
20:23Remember, my little penguins,
20:25halfway is no way.
20:27I want to go all the way.
20:29That's fine by me.
20:31Depends which way he's going.
20:33Great game, Jack.
20:35Ah, good game.
20:37And Ranjit, what an excellent goal.
20:39Right now, come, come.
20:41Well done, coach.
20:43Two good wins.
20:45The team have responded well to your sensitivity.
20:47Sensitivity?
20:55As a coach.
20:57OK.
21:01All right, Ashes, well done, everyone.
21:03Yeah!
21:05And now,
21:07semi-final tomorrow.
21:09So, let's get back to hotel
21:11and straight to bed.
21:13Aw.
21:15All right, I'm joking, I'm joking, I'm joking.
21:17Come on, we'll have dinner at restaurant on Farrell's.
21:19Yeah!
21:23And then, straight to bed.
21:25Aw.
21:27No starters and no steaks.
21:29Can the grown-ups stay up, Sandra?
21:31Well, somebody's going to have to drink champagne
21:33that Vincent will be buying for us.
21:35No champagne! I mean it, Sandra!
21:37Yay!
21:45Little girls, haven't you?
21:47There we are.
21:49He's in a good mood.
21:51Might stumble into his room by mistake later.
21:53Aw, Debbie.
21:55Don't you know?
21:57Know what?
21:59He likes to go in through the outdoor.
22:01Well, that's OK.
22:03I don't mind it once in a while.
22:05I used to let Jack's dad do it on his birthday.
22:09No, no, no, no, no. Not with women.
22:11With men.
22:13Janice.
22:15Just because he's not interested in you,
22:17now he's gay?
22:19All right, don't believe me.
22:21But he was seen blowing some guy in Club Thump
22:23last night.
22:25No.
22:27Come on.
22:39Everyone, order.
22:41Order.
22:43I'll order a bottle of champagne, please.
22:45Ignore that.
22:47She didn't mean it.
22:49I'd just like to say a few words.
22:51Ashes, ashes, ashes!
22:53Ashes, ashes, ashes!
22:55Lovely, lovely, lovely, lovely.
22:57Now, secondly, and seriously,
22:59I think the team
23:01should get upstairs.
23:03Come on, guys.
23:05My mum's right. We need to get upstairs.
23:07To watch more porn!
23:13What are they like?
23:15Can I say a few words?
23:17Like where?
23:19Table is yours.
23:21A bend in the road is not the end.
23:23Unless you fail to make the turn.
23:25I think today
23:27we made a sharp turn.
23:29Yeah.
23:31It hasn't always been easy.
23:33I know there have been some difficult decisions.
23:35But at least we've been honest with each other.
23:37Honest?
23:39That's rich coming from him.
23:41Debbie, shush.
23:43I beg your pardon?
23:45Well, why weren't you honest with us?
23:47Why didn't you say you were gay?
23:49Champagne, anyone?
23:51Champagne, anyone?
23:53Whether I'm gay or not
23:55is irrelevant.
23:57Not for me it isn't.
23:59Yeah, you should have told us.
24:01There seems to be a problem
24:03with having a gay coach.
24:05Is that right?
24:07No.
24:11Gentlemen,
24:13is there a problem?
24:15Well?
24:17No.
24:19My problem is with the rotation policy.
24:21Right, as Terry says,
24:23he has a different team every game
24:25and a different guy every...
24:27No, I never said that. He's misquoting me.
24:29I don't think we're playing the right system.
24:31I stand shoulder to shoulder with Terry on this.
24:33You may disagree with my policies,
24:35with my strategy,
24:37but we're in the semi-final.
24:39I'm sorry, but I am the coach.
24:41I'm sorry he's the coach, isn't he?
24:43Is that right, Sandra?
24:45Oui, oui, that is right, Raymond.
24:47The rotation policy is neither there nor there.
24:49Completely irrelevant.
24:51But just for the record,
24:53I'm not gay.
24:59But I saw you going to a gay club.
25:01Yes, it's true. I was in a gay club.
25:03I don't deny it.
25:05So you are gay?
25:07No, I'm not, but my friend is.
25:11In that case,
25:13let's have that champagne!
25:15No, no, no.
25:17We don't know.
25:21The whole incident was...
25:25was unfortunate.
25:27But, you know,
25:29at least it cleared the air.
25:31And, of course,
25:33everybody who went straight to the bar
25:35forgot about ordering dessert.
25:37So pluses and minuses, you know.
25:39I was embarrassed
25:41by Terry's behaviour.
25:43I personally never believed
25:45he was a gay.
25:47Or gayed.
25:49Of course, the kids won't
25:51just have ice cream, you know.
25:53Always have to have what the adults are having.
25:55You know.
25:57Chocolate brownie or whatever.
25:59Not cheap.
26:01Do you want to come out
26:03to a club with me tonight?
26:05A straight club
26:07where men and women can...
26:09Debbie,
26:11listen, I'm really sorry,
26:13but you are just not my type.
26:15What about
26:17my lovely blue calves
26:19and my muscular eyes?
26:21Yes, you are very attractive.
26:23For a mother.
26:25For an older woman.
26:27I mean, it was me.
26:29I wasn't serious.
26:31I was just having a bit of fun.
26:35Come on, let's have another drink.
26:37You might
26:39as well be gay.
26:43Hey, Debbie.
26:45How's it going with Mercia?
26:47It's not.
26:49He says he's too scared of falling in love
26:51with me.
26:55I'm seeing another one.
26:57Oh, I don't know.
26:59Big day tomorrow.
27:01Perhaps we should get an early
27:03night. Terry McConnell,
27:05what are you suggesting?
27:07Mr and Mrs McConnell, we've been through
27:09the CCTV footage and there's still
27:11no sign of this hooded character,
27:13but we'll keep looking.
27:15I appreciate that. I know you're doing all you can.
27:17Oh, one other thing, sir.
27:19Mr Hinchcliffe still hasn't checked in.
27:21Do you want me to continue to hold the suite?
27:27No.
27:29We'll keep the suite, thank you.
27:31We can cancel our room.
27:35Oh.
27:39Oh, this is a new low
27:41for you, Terry McConnell.
27:43How could you steal me money? It's our money.
27:45All right, how could you steal our money?
27:47Exactly. How could I steal our money?
27:49I don't know, but you did.
27:51Look, Janice, I don't want to nitpick, but technically speaking, all our
27:53money is my money. Okay.
27:55And all this suite is my suite.
27:57Janice, love.
27:59If Hinchcliffe turns up, will you let him have the room?
28:01Oh, I'll let him have the room, all right.
28:03And if he's half-decent, he can have me and all.
28:11Thanks, Harry.
28:15Oh, Vincent.
28:17No, don't carry cash.
28:19No.
28:21Oh, Vincent.
28:23No, don't carry cash.
28:25No.
28:51No!
28:53No!
28:55No!
28:57No!
28:59No!
29:01No!
29:03No!
29:05No!
29:07No!
29:09No!
29:11No!
29:13No!
29:15No!
29:17No!
29:19No!
29:21No!
29:23No!
29:25No!
29:27No!
29:29No!
29:31No!
29:33No!
29:35No!
29:37No!
29:39No!
29:41No!
29:43No!
29:45No!