Celebs Go Dating Season 13 Episode 7
Celebs Go Dating S13E07
Transcript
00:00Tonight!
00:01All right, Slug? Have a shit time.
00:04Ella's keeping it PG.
00:06I'm not going to drink, I'm not going to be crude.
00:09Have fun, but not up the bum.
00:11Chris hopes for a three-way.
00:13Oh, I got you a present, by the way.
00:15I called him up with a watermelon.
00:17Tristan's got some junk in the trunk.
00:19Are you a tripod?
00:21They call me the elephant, but...
00:23No-one's ever called me that.
00:25And Stephen's putting in the graft.
00:27I'm always going to have dessert.
00:29I like to go all the way to the cream.
00:39Welcome to Celebs Go Dating,
00:41the show where we take red carpet regulars
00:43and pair them up with the public,
00:45all from our world-famous celebrity dating agency.
00:48Our lady agents, Anna and Dr Tara,
00:50are already in with our fantastical frontman, Tom.
00:53For real, I really want to go on a nudist retreat.
00:58Me too, but fully clothed with binoculars.
01:01Are they really careful at supper time?
01:03Because if they served a casserole or something,
01:05and you've got a very hot gravy,
01:07and then suddenly it's in your pedenda...
01:09I mean, nobody wants hot gravy in a ball bag.
01:12No.
01:13Give it a try and tell me you don't like it with a straight face.
01:19Give me the hot sauce, hot sauce!
01:21And speaking of hot sauce, look who it is, this absolute baller.
01:26Come in.
01:27I don't say this often, but I like your jacket, Paul.
01:29Hello. We were just talking about you.
01:31We were talking about...
01:33Oh!
01:34Paul!
01:36You know what, though? My hand hurts a little bit.
01:38Can I just say, his arse is so hard,
01:41you've just broken your hand.
01:43I was just like, jeez, my hand...
01:45You might have to do the other one and say that I'm even.
01:48Right, that's enough slap and tickle, you lot,
01:50cos we've got celebs incoming!
01:53And tottering in for her spanking, fresh from a sexy funeral,
01:57it's Federation Street's Helen Flanagan.
02:00Hello, Celebrity Dating Agency.
02:02Hi, it's Helen!
02:03Oh, come in, do.
02:17Now, am I straight?
02:18In a word, no.
02:21God, you're a gazelle!
02:23Oh, look, chic en noir!
02:25I went for kind of, like, innocent white,
02:27and I've gone for black this time.
02:29You look like Lana Turner.
02:31She looks like she's put the dress on backwards.
02:33Oh, look at the shoes, they're lace!
02:37Gordon Bennett.
02:38Gosh, what exquisite framing of her magnificent contours.
02:43You know, I've got to be careful, I'm popping out of this today.
02:46I thought I'd go really sexy, but then my nipples...
02:49Don't tell me about it, my nips are harder to tame
02:51than a couple of Greek street dogs.
02:53No, I can't see any areola, darling.
02:55I'm just going to have to be careful.
02:57I think they're beautifully encased, actually.
02:59Thank you. Maybe I'll go a little bit like that.
03:01Yes. So I'll just cover with my hand.
03:03Have you got any double-sided tape?
03:05With Flanners popping out, look who's popping in.
03:08He's here for the nips, it's posh man beauty, Trissie Muffitt.
03:14Ooh.
03:15Hello, Tom. Tristan here.
03:18I got gas in the tank
03:20I got money in the bank
03:22I got news for you, baby
03:24You're looking at the man
03:26You're looking at the man
03:27Bonjour.
03:28Bonjour.
03:29Bonjour, ça va?
03:30Oh, les deux chico-noirs!
03:32It's good to see you.
03:33Hi, darling, you OK?
03:34How are you?
03:35Yeah, I'm good.
03:38Look!
03:39Did you two speak about sartorial wizardry before you came?
03:43We did, I said, you're going to match my outfit.
03:45As much as I love Tom,
03:46I've completely forgotten that you're still in the room.
03:48Somehow I've been distracted by Helen in that beautiful dress.
03:51I don't know how, but, you know, I'm just a man.
03:55Every time I see you together, you're flanking.
03:57Flanking?
03:58What's flanking?
03:59You're side-by-touching.
04:01Oh, OK, OK.
04:02This very hot flank is osculating this very hot flank,
04:07and then something's fizzing in the middle.
04:10Oh, wow.
04:11Is that how it works?
04:12Some sort of chemical reaction?
04:14It's interfering.
04:15It's interfering!
04:17Hello!
04:19All right, bye, darling.
04:22They are ready for you, Helen.
04:24Oh, amazing.
04:25Bye!
04:26So, as we leave Tom to flank all over Trissie Phipps,
04:30Helen's been summoned up for a chat with Dr T and Anna.
04:33If she can get in, that is.
04:35Push it!
04:36Oh, oh, oh, oh!
04:39I mean, that's a seamless entrance.
04:42Well, look at you!
04:44Helen Flanagan!
04:46I mean, you wouldn't wear this down out, would you?
04:50This is the first time the agents have seen Flanner
04:53since her second date with massage man Luke.
04:55Luke, think you're so gorgeous?
04:57You really are.
04:58I just can't see me and you going anywhere, though, can you?
05:01It's so much better when you pie someone while laughing.
05:04Tell us about the date.
05:06You know, he's lovely.
05:08If he was maybe 35 and would understand my life a bit better,
05:12maybe, but I've got three kids and I'm 34 and he's 23.
05:16It's just not going to work for me.
05:18And I try to be open-minded,
05:20but the conversation was running short of things to talk about.
05:23What happened? Was there, like, a revelation moment?
05:26I just realised it was just flirtation.
05:28Well, we've heard from you.
05:30Feedback is so important.
05:32Well, it's feedback time.
05:33We are actually going to call Luke right now.
05:37And basically, you're going to allow him to, you know, respond.
05:42Oh, you're kidding me.
05:44I am dreading speaking to Luke.
05:46Can't wait to get this by email.
05:50Just you do you. You're a good girl.
05:53On her date with Luke, Helen was very flirty and they even kissed.
05:58And then out of nowhere, she killed all the chances
06:01of any kind of romance in the future.
06:03We must feel pretty confused by this whole situation,
06:06so we want to give him a chance to have his say.
06:09And we want Helen to confront the effect
06:12of her confusing behaviours on her dates.
06:15Luke, hello. It's Anna and Dr Tara
06:18and I've got our lovely Helen here as well.
06:21We're in the agency. How are you doing?
06:23I'm good, thank you.
06:25We've just been going through your feedback
06:27from your last date with Helen.
06:29We felt it was important that you got an opportunity
06:32to tell us how it went for you.
06:34Yeah, of course.
06:36So, yeah, I felt the date went well itself.
06:40A lot of flirting going on.
06:42The odds kiss here and there.
06:44And then it just stopped out of nowhere.
06:46Like, it was quite abrupt.
06:48It was just, um, it was just really out of the blue.
06:51Like, I wasn't expecting it at all.
06:53So how were you left feeling?
06:57Um, like, deflated in a way.
07:02I'm just going to pass you over to Helen now.
07:04Here we go. Flan cam.
07:06Hi, Luke, how are you? I'm good.
07:08Hi, darling. Oh, I was...
07:10Honestly, I am so sorry.
07:12I'm really, really gutted that I made you feel that way.
07:16So I really am sorry.
07:19As I say, it just happened quick.
07:21It's just I wasn't expecting it.
07:23It was as if someone was panicking
07:25and they wanted to get it over and done with.
07:27Even if, like, it was, we'd come to an agreement
07:30I wasn't going anywhere, but at least I had my say within that.
07:35Oh, God.
07:37I think, for me, I just thought,
07:39oh, you know, you're a lovely guy, you're really hot,
07:42and, you know, you're really nice,
07:44but I didn't feel like our conversation was getting on deeper levels.
07:47I felt like I couldn't properly talk about everything,
07:50like me being a mum and things like that.
07:53It's life, isn't it?
07:55There's other things that come first
07:57and there's other things that are more important
07:59than being on a date, I guess.
08:04Erm, but I do want to apologise to you.
08:07Yeah, no, no worries.
08:09Oh, make it end!
08:11Right, see you later, Mum.
08:13Bye, darling. Bye-bye.
08:19How do you feel about that?
08:21I'm kind of a bit disappointed in myself
08:23that I hurt someone's feelings like that.
08:25But I'm going to learn from that,
08:27that conversation was mature and you as well.
08:30And I just want you to bear that in mind when we're talking about ages.
08:33Yeah, that was case in point, wasn't it?
08:35Case in point.
08:37You're a milf and maybe we'll set you up with a dilf.
08:40How about that? I love a bit of dilf.
08:42Don't look at me, Anna, I'm taken.
08:44Helen, you're going on a date.
08:47Bam!
08:48Ooh!
08:50So, this is Danny.
08:52He's no Bobby Beckles, but strong beard game, to be fair.
08:55Bald head, though. Good hat coverage.
08:5736. Older than you.
09:005'10". Look where he's from. Up north.
09:02And he's northern. He's northern.
09:04He's got kids.
09:06First reactions?
09:08Yeah, he's fit.
09:10Yeah, send me on a date with Danny.
09:12So, going in with Danny, yeah, I think it's about the shared values.
09:15You know, he is a dad, so naturally this conversation around children
09:18will probably be an easier one for you.
09:20You've got this. Yeah, I've got it.
09:22Right, girl, you get out there with Danny,
09:24and we cannot wait to hear how it goes.
09:26Thank you. Thank you so much.
09:28Go and enjoy and have fun.
09:30A great session. Thank you very, very much.
09:32Bye! Thank you.
09:34That was a lovely sesh.
09:36Good job, Taz.
09:37Yeah, good job, everyone, especially Helen,
09:39for not getting involved in that awkward mum fist bump.
09:44Now, to let the P-dog know the T on the H on the A in the T-team.
09:49FML.
09:51Quick, Paul, get those tabs minimised.
09:53I wonder what a filth the brunt dog's into.
09:55Yes!
09:56Oh, my God.
09:57Hello. Hello.
09:58Hey, babe.
10:00Close call, Paul.
10:01How goes it?
10:02Well, she went on the second date with Luke.
10:07OK.
10:08And the first portion of it, it was a great time.
10:11They were flirty, sexy, having kisses.
10:14Amazing. Yeah.
10:15She then immediately changed
10:17and was just like, oh, you know, this is not going to work,
10:20you're too young for me.
10:21It's her sudden revelation that was odd.
10:24It's very odd,
10:25and I wonder if her only mode of communication
10:29is just zero or 100.
10:31It is.
10:32It seems like that.
10:33There's nothing in between.
10:35Spot on. Spot on.
10:36So I think working on moving forward
10:38would be on communication and reading the situation
10:42and having that social etiquette.
10:44This is somebody who is glaringly becoming
10:47more and more obvious to all of us
10:49that when it comes to dating, she really doesn't have a clue.
10:52Yeah, she's a beginner.
10:53Big time.
10:54But it was a really good chat.
10:56She's kind of on track, I would say,
10:58with even more work to do from our part,
11:00but she's listening and she's receptive,
11:02so, you know, she's a good client.
11:04Good deal. Insightful session.
11:06It was. Yeah.
11:07I don't know why you lot are sat around looking smug.
11:10We've got loads to get through.
11:12Coming up...
11:14Chris brings a third to his date with Daisy.
11:17This is Walter, by the way.
11:18Nice to meet you, Walter.
11:19Tristan's put on the spot.
11:21Come on, then, where's this bloody love rap?
11:23Where's this shit bag?
11:24And things aren't looking up for Ella's date with Reece.
11:27Shit, this makes things so awkward now.
11:43Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating,
11:45where Love Island lothario Chris Taylor is on to his next date.
11:49On his previous date, Chris absolutely killed him.
11:52It was a good chat, it was a really great chat.
11:54Yeah, it was a great chat.
11:55No, I mean, literally, he deaded any chance of a second date
11:58with the beautiful Sukaina.
11:59I'm going to be honest, I just don't think we align that well.
12:03So Anna and Paul found him a new date.
12:05This is Daisy Ray.
12:07Daisy Ray. Christ!
12:09She's a lovely girl.
12:11Oh, she doesn't take herself seriously.
12:13She likes funny people.
12:14And sent him some homework.
12:16We don't want to change you, you're funny, you're enigmatic,
12:19but let's be mindful of this joker that kicks in, OK?
12:23Well, let's see if Chris can show his more serious...
12:26Oh, bollocks, he's got a watermelon.
12:29Hi, mate, could I have an espresso martini and a margarita, please?
12:34No problem.
12:35A new record.
12:36Chris forgot the homework before the date even started.
12:39Amazing.
12:40This is Walter, by the way.
12:42Nice to meet you, Walter.
12:44I went and bought her a watermelon, stuck some googly eyes on it,
12:47cos flowers are a bit crap, aren't they?
12:49Yeah, but you look less of a twat carrying them round.
12:52You could make them into a nice watermelon margarita one day, so...
12:56Mate, he can hear you.
12:59I've become really attached to Walter.
13:01Well, why don't you just cut a hole in him and fuck him?
13:04It would save everyone a lot of time and finally give Dr Torres
13:08Luckily, your honeydew to arrive...
13:10Sorry, Daisy Ray is here now.
13:14Chris isn't my usual type looks-wise.
13:16That looks isn't everything to me.
13:18My mum always says, I'm just really mean to my exes,
13:20I don't go for the best-looking guy in the room.
13:23As long as they're funny, that's usually the way to my heart.
13:26Walter, you might be in with a chance here, son.
13:29Do my honeydew pun. She'll love it.
13:32Hello. Hi. How you doing? You all right?
13:34I can't really walk in these. Oh, nice to meet you.
13:36I'm so tall. Sorry, I'm so tiny.
13:38I'm Daisy. Nice to meet you. You smell nice.
13:40Thank you. You've got a lovely face.
13:42Thank you so do you. Compliment for compliment.
13:44Do you want a leg up on there, or are you all right?
13:46No, I'm good, thank you.
13:48Then I might need a chiropractor after this to sort my neck out.
13:51Why? What's going on with your neck? It's so high up.
13:53Oh, from looking up. The quiff's nearly touching the ceiling.
13:55I know. It is quite long, isn't it? Yeah.
13:57Margarita for you. Yes, thank you very much.
13:59Cheers. Cheers.
14:01Oh. Top, tits, arse.
14:04And then table, and then eye contact.
14:09Oh, I got you a present, by the way.
14:11No, you didn't. Yeah.
14:13It's a watermelon with googly eyes on it.
14:16What? Have you actually bought that?
14:18Yeah, I made that myself.
14:20That's the face of a lady who's too polite to leave immediately.
14:23I actually do love watermelon. Do you?
14:25Yeah, I love watermelon. Well, that's a good start.
14:27I pulled in what with a watermelon. That's cute.
14:29Do you actually like watermelon? No, I feel like she's a...
14:31When I was a kid, my... I don't like cake,
14:34so my parents would stick candles in a watermelon for me on my birthday.
14:38That's quite sweet. My nan did that with me with roasted potatoes.
14:42I'm optimistic at the minute.
14:44She's very engaging and fun.
14:46The freaks are matching.
14:48You seem really fun and I like it. Mm-hm.
14:52I am fun. No, you are. I am fun.
14:54I'm just laughing at myself, saying it's stupid.
14:56It's my definition of me. I'm fun.
14:58So, as we leave Walter and his melon-of-a-mate Chris
15:01crushing over the pint-sized Daisy,
15:03back at the agency, Tom is keeping Tristan entertained.
15:07I bet these posh toffs are talking about something super intellectual.
15:10So, do goats have very big willies?
15:12Well, bigger than humans, yeah.
15:14Told you, it's like a TED talk. I'm going to take notes.
15:16Goat dick. Big.
15:18Not that I'm, you know, particularly familiar with goat's faces.
15:22You are with elephants, though, aren't you?
15:24That's a different story. Elephant expert, too.
15:26Are you a tripod?
15:27They call me The Elephant.
15:29They call me The Slug.
15:31No-one's ever called me that.
15:33You've got a macro member. I've never really had any complaints.
15:35The Hulking Caboodle. Yeah.
15:37And in your case, the Caboodle's a winner.
15:41I think they're about to be summoned.
15:43Hello.
15:45I surely shall.
15:47Bye.
15:48They are ready for you.
15:50They're ready for me. Into the lion's den.
15:52Oh, rested from my bosom.
15:54Always a pleasure. I'll see you.
15:56Ciao. Ciao.
16:03Oh, there we go. Come in.
16:05Hello. Tristan Fitz!
16:07Good to see you. Good to see you.
16:09You guys look really cool. Very beautiful.
16:11So do you. So do you. Thank you.
16:13Yeah, we are very well, thanks, babe.
16:15How are you? I'm good. This is a good day.
16:17This is your day, Tristan.
16:19It's nice to be here. Good.
16:21Let's start with the brunch.
16:23I think it's fair to say, isn't it, Paul,
16:25that out of all of our celebrities,
16:27you, my love, breezed it.
16:29Yep, it weren't a bad day in the office for old Fippy Whips.
16:32I think I would like to go on a second date with Georgia.
16:35And life.
16:37Tristan, you have bagged yourself two dates.
16:40Very lucky man.
16:42And the greedy little git dated both of them in one night.
16:45Lucky elephant.
16:47You look nice. You look beautiful, as you always do.
16:49Thank you. How are you? You look beautiful.
16:51Good to see you again. You too.
16:53I love this dress.
16:55Using his tongue, he whittled it down to Georgia.
16:58Ending things with Lauren in a typically chivalrous manner.
17:01You know, you're absolutely stunning,
17:03and I do like spending time with you.
17:05I do feel like there's maybe more of a connection
17:07between Georgia and I.
17:09I spoke to Lauren, said, I don't think this is going to go anywhere,
17:12and then I did see Georgia afterwards.
17:14Wow.
17:16OK. OK.
17:18And so we went back to mine.
17:20And...
17:22Introduced her to the elephant?
17:24All of our clothes stayed on.
17:26Ah, a fellow dry hump, welcome to the clan, my brother.
17:28Oh.
17:30We had fun. It was cheeky, it was funny.
17:32She's a lovely girl.
17:34The question is, what did Georgia think?
17:37Do you think you're a good match with each other?
17:40Yes. Ooh.
17:42I feel like we have a lot in common,
17:44we hold the same values in life.
17:46You're a true gentleman.
17:48What could Tristan improve on?
17:50It would be nice to see more of his...
17:52Bank balance?
17:54Playful side.
17:56Taking the piss out of things alongside his charm.
17:58Yeah. All right.
18:00I agree with Georgia.
18:02Tristan comes across a bit serious, especially on dates.
18:05But I think there's a reason why he struggles to be a bit more fun,
18:08and we need to get to the bottom of it.
18:11Can we talk about your romantic relationships?
18:14So about a year and a half ago,
18:16I came out of a three-year on-and-off relationship with Liv.
18:19Liv Bentley? Yeah, Liv Bentley, yeah.
18:21That was really hard.
18:23We broke up twice or three times in that period,
18:25and we always ended up back together.
18:27There was never any cheating, any scandals or anything.
18:29It was just something didn't fit
18:31when it came to how we communicated our feelings to each other.
18:34Did all of this play out on Made in Chelsea?
18:36A lot of it did.
18:38I think what we need to do is really unpack you, right?
18:41If you go to the press, right, and you look at it,
18:43Tristan is a Lothario.
18:45Which is why, from the minute you've walked in,
18:47we've all been trying to figure it out.
18:49Come on, then, where's this bloody love rap?
18:51Where's this shitbag?
18:52And I don't believe the shitbag is in there at all.
18:54So why? Why does the press say it?
18:56I've never cheated in my life.
18:58You know, I would never purposefully string along two women.
19:01There's never been an overlap or crossover with anyone I date
19:03on the show or anything like that.
19:05And that's kind of what affects me a lot,
19:07is people's preconceived judgement of who I am.
19:09Something that I heard someone throw into the equation somewhere.
19:12So, again, your life, and that's no shade on Tallwiz at all.
19:15Lady that perhaps was into adult work?
19:19Oh, yeah, that was before Liv.
19:21How was that? I'm curious.
19:23It was great, yeah, amazing.
19:25I actually...
19:27I'd seen a video of hers, if I'm honest,
19:30and I was like, she's absolutely stunning.
19:32I was attracted to her and I was like,
19:34OK, well, there's something very striking about her,
19:36despite the fact that she's naked.
19:38It's hard to say.
19:40OK, so I probably initially judged a book by its cover
19:42and then I started chatting to her,
19:44so I sent her a message on Instagram.
19:46And I just said, listen, I think you're beautiful,
19:48I'd love to go for a drink if you fancy,
19:50and she responded and we met up.
19:52And if I'm being honest, you know, back then I was probably like,
19:55oh, this will be a bit cheeky, a bit fun, let's see what happens.
19:58And then we met and I thought, wow, this woman is amazing.
20:01Interesting. So a full relationship?
20:04I'd say, like, it was going that way quite quickly
20:07and the honest-to-God truth is why it ended,
20:09is because we started filming Men, Chelsea again.
20:11Why would that have...?
20:13I don't know what it was.
20:15You know, she wanted to kind of commit to something more serious.
20:18I was starting to maybe struggle a bit more with the fact that,
20:21you know, we'd be in bed together and then she'd kind of get up
20:24and go do her work and... Interesting.
20:26And then that was clashing with Chelsea
20:28and it all got a bit overwhelming
20:30and I kind of didn't want to tell them about her
20:32because I wanted to kind of keep it private and it just...
20:35Yeah, OK. Wow. That's a bit sad, though.
20:37Yeah, it was a bit sad. Because you end that
20:39and then it seems like very quickly thereafter
20:41you then enter a relationship with Liv.
20:43Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
20:45I think there's been a few occasions where I've almost
20:47self-sabotaged a situation because I feel like maybe
20:49I'm not worth what that person's looking for
20:51or, like, what they deserve at the time.
20:53Well, we will set you up on another date with Georgia
20:55and I think it's safe to say that we are both
20:57really looking forward to our next chat.
20:59Yes. Nice. Me too. Thank you, Tristan.
21:01Honestly, Julie, thanks for opening up. Appreciate it.
21:03Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thanks, Tristan.
21:05Always a pleasure. You're a total gem.
21:07Enjoy. Excellent. Excellent work.
21:09Appreciate it. Thanks for your time.
21:11Goodness me, that was quite the session.
21:13I did not know we were going to go that deep.
21:17Jeebus.
21:19I know that I need to loosen up with people I'm dating, you know.
21:21It takes a lot for me to let someone into my inner circle.
21:23But I know deep down that I have this
21:25fun inner child
21:27that is just desperate to come out and play.
21:29So, hopefully, George can be the girl
21:31that I can be myself with.
21:33Oh, I'd love him to go and do something really silly.
21:35Yeah.
21:37I think he'll want to.
21:39I bet you he'll have anxiety
21:41over thinking about something silly now.
21:43Yes.
21:45As Tristan heads off to do something silly,
21:47like, oh, I don't know, put eyes on a watermelon,
21:49something crazy like that,
21:51we're back with Love Island's random quiff man
21:53and his dainty date, Daisy.
21:55Cheers. Eyeballs.
21:57Their date's been off to a superb start,
21:59with a meeting of oddballs.
22:01The agent's told me that I need to get deep on dates.
22:05Ooh, gold star for Chris.
22:07He's actually taken the agent's advice on board.
22:09So I think we should play a game.
22:11OK.
22:13Where's your go with this?
22:15I think we should play never have I ever.
22:17OK.
22:19I don't know if that's, like, quite steep.
22:21Yeah, yeah, yeah.
22:23I'm withholding judgement at the moment.
22:25You familiar with the rules?
22:27I am.
22:29OK, I'll go first.
22:31Never have I ever...verjazzled.
22:33Come on, mate, I've had deeper pizzas than that.
22:35Big up, Chicago town.
22:37So you've never verjazzled?
22:39No, that's not my era.
22:41How old are you?
22:43How old am I? In years, 33.
22:45Fucking hell.
22:47Ancient you are.
22:49Do you like dating really old men?
22:51Because how old are you?
22:53Clearly, I'm 23.
22:55Do you like men with grey pubes?
22:57Yes, I do, actually. I've got a top three.
22:59Larry Lamb, George Clooney, then Philip Schofield.
23:01Schofield used to be first, but, you know.
23:03Do you know what? I've never had a man with grey pubes.
23:05Well, let's not talk about that, all right?
23:07I'm ten years older than you.
23:09Young-hearted, though.
23:11Oh, right, fine, well, it works, then.
23:13I'm such an old time.
23:15We'll just ignore the decade, that's fine.
23:17That is a whole one third of my life.
23:19Huh.
23:21That is problematic.
23:23To be fair, I'm 33 and I do need to grow up.
23:25Go on, it's your go.
23:27Never have I ever had a tattoo on my bum.
23:29You don't?
23:31No.
23:33I'm getting one now.
23:35I've got Larry Lamb on my left bum cheek,
23:37George Lamb on my right bum cheek,
23:39Dave Lamb in the middle, bum dying with me.
23:41Written just above my arse crack.
23:43That was a rubbish one, wasn't it?
23:45I thought you were the type of person to have, like,
23:47someone's name on your bum or something.
23:49What must you think of me?
23:51Are we still playing this game?
23:53Yeah.
23:55You go, you go, and then we're getting serious,
23:57because you're being silly.
23:59That's what an entire decade of maturity will get for you.
24:01OK, never have I ever dated
24:03somebody with a micro-penis.
24:05Get a little swig in that, babe.
24:07I don't know.
24:09Cos you're on one right now.
24:11I...
24:13This is going great.
24:15It's going brilliant.
24:17It's my favourite date so far.
24:19I feel like you're being sarcastic, and that's rude.
24:21It sounds sarcastic, doesn't it?
24:23No, no, no, honestly, I'm not being rude.
24:25It's just my voice. I can't help it.
24:27Is this why you struggle to, like, talk serious?
24:29No-one believes me when I'm being nice.
24:31No. It sounds sarcastic.
24:33It does sound sarcastic. I'm not trying to be sarcastic.
24:35No. Say something nice.
24:37Really, go on.
24:39Try and say something nice.
24:41Something nice.
24:43Or something serious.
24:45I can't see it happening.
24:47Why don't you tell me something really deep about yourself?
24:49No, we won't do that.
24:51No, but that's what you were asked to do,
24:53so why don't you do that?
24:55Yes, go on, Daisy girl.
24:59Coming up...
25:01Rhys impresses Ella.
25:03I know that I'm an incredible person,
25:05and I'm glad that you can see that there is more to me.
25:07Most guys would run.
25:09I'm not most guys.
25:11Chris goes balls to the wall with Daisy.
25:13I have 1.5 testicles.
25:15What?
25:17And Stephen has to call the cavalry.
25:19How's it going?
25:21He's a really nice guy, but it's all a bit serious.
25:33Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating,
25:35where Ella, say it like it is,
25:37Morgan is getting ready for a second date with Randy Rhys.
25:39Oh, my God, I'm late again.
25:41Go on, get working.
25:43Ella was reunited with Rhys at the agency brunch
25:45where sexy secrets were revealed.
25:47You guys had sex, right?
25:49Yeah, bits happened.
25:51But Rhys' pieces wasn't enough.
25:53I did send Rhys a message
25:55saying that I'm not sure if I wanted to go
25:57on another date.
25:59And it wasn't long before he won her background.
26:01You are a gentleman,
26:03and, like, you've been super respectful to me,
26:05so I think I'd like to go on a second date with Rhys.
26:07CHEERING
26:09I didn't go into that brunch
26:11expecting for me to pick Rhys for a date.
26:13That was, like, the last thing I thought was going to happen.
26:15But I was like, do you know what?
26:17This man feels mugged off,
26:19then I do what I did with him,
26:21and then I...
26:23obviously dump him over text,
26:25yet he still comes back.
26:27And I just think he just likes me for me,
26:29and I'm not used to that.
26:31I don't want to be all glitz and glam.
26:33I'm not going to drink, I'm not going to be crude,
26:35I'm not going to...
26:37If anything, I'm going to use this to, like,
26:39talk about serious things
26:41and show a different side of me.
26:43And have fun. Have fun,
26:45but not up the bum.
26:47Bad luck, Rhys.
26:51Back to Chris's date with Daisy now,
26:53and he's still struggling to follow the agent's advice
26:55about going deep with the chat.
26:57Say something serious.
26:59Why don't you tell me something really deep?
27:01Erm...
27:03Oh, here we go again.
27:05I've only got 1.5 testicles.
27:07What?
27:09Yeah. I've only got half a left ball.
27:11The other half's in the Albert Hall, apparently.
27:13Thanks for telling me. Thanks for really opening up.
27:15That's opening up?
27:17That's not opening up. I don't tell many people about that.
27:19Oh, really? That was a traumatic point in my life.
27:21I had to have an operation on it and try and save it,
27:23and they saved half of it.
27:25So I've got half a bollock. I called him Arthur.
27:27Obviously I'm not going to go deep on a first date.
27:29They're for fun. They're for fun and jokes.
27:31This actually has been lovely.
27:33That's been very nice.
27:35Yeah, I've enjoyed it. Yeah, me too.
27:37Good back and forth. What do you think?
27:39I can't tell with your...
27:41being sincere.
27:43No-one can. It's been a thrill.
27:45To meet you. You too.
27:47There's nothing in that.
27:49Now he goes deep.
27:51Jesus Christ.
27:53I am an ick, to be fair.
27:55Shall we bounce? Yeah.
27:57Do you want a piggyback?
27:59Yeah. Do you actually? Really?
28:01Are you sure you've got me? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
28:03Oh, my God, I'm going to flounce. Well, I can't hold you.
28:05You've just got to go. You've just got to move.
28:07Just go quick. Please choke me as much as you can.
28:09I really enjoyed my date with Chris.
28:11He was really funny.
28:13I think we have similar personalities, so we could bounce off each other.
28:15I just wish he'd let me know a little bit more
28:17about who he is and him.
28:19Nearly there. Please just latch round my throat if you can.
28:21Daisy's a lot of fun,
28:23and there was a spark,
28:25but she is an entire decade younger than me.
28:27That's a lot of years.
28:29Very nice to meet you.
28:31Lovely to meet you.
28:33Are you taking Walter with you? I'll take Walter with me.
28:35Are you actually? Yeah, I want a memento.
28:37Yeah, we'll look after him. See you later.
28:39Bye. Bye.
28:41Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse,
28:43Chris's date goes home with another man.
28:45Fair play, Walter.
28:47Someone else who could learn a thing or two from Walter
28:49is Stephen,
28:51who, after two unsuccessful dates,
28:53is getting ready for his first date with Danny.
28:55Third time's a charm, eh?
28:57Right, girls, I'm going on my date.
28:59What should I wear? Shall I go cash
29:01or shall I put a shirt on?
29:03What do you reckon, babes? Sausages.
29:07Oh, I've got a text message.
29:09Oh, it's from Paul.
29:11Stephen got news of his next date
29:13when meeting up with ex-partner Daniel.
29:15Here's your next date. You'll be meeting Danny.
29:1740. He's thumbs up, a dry sense of humour
29:19and good banter.
29:21See, this sounds more like it.
29:23Ding, ding, ding.
29:25So, my initial
29:27impressions of Danny are...
29:29He seems a little bit
29:31up my street, if I'm honest.
29:33Yeah, I think he's going to be a good match.
29:35I'm going to go in there,
29:37listen more and
29:39take a bit of a back seat on this one.
29:41I'm going to let Danny take the lead
29:43and see how it flows
29:45and, yeah, just be more
29:47inquisitive.
29:49Or a bit of CK1 for luck?
29:51Just in case.
29:53I'm not sure it's that lucky.
29:55Babs, what do you reckon?
29:57Does he look nice?
29:59There he goes,
30:01freshest-smelling cock in Brighton.
30:03Meanwhile, Ella's arrived
30:05for her second date with Rhys and she's
30:07planning on keeping things nice and casual.
30:09I did not have a second date
30:11lined up on the cards with Rhys,
30:13but I'm actually really excited.
30:15I've tried to tone it down and
30:17I want him to see a nicer, softer side
30:19of me, rather than kind of
30:21bold, bolshie, Ella.
30:23Oh, my God.
30:25All right, Slag? What the hell?
30:27That table over there. Oh, right,
30:29it's one of those novelty diners where the wait is a ruin to you.
30:31People are weird, aren't they?
30:33Right, there you go, this is for you as well.
30:35What does it say?
30:37Have a shit time. Thank you.
30:39Plowed more than a farmer's field.
30:43Oh, my God, I've got an idea, I've got an idea.
30:45This is no time for colouring in,
30:47Ella. Rhys is about to arrive.
30:51I'm walking into this date slightly more nervous
30:53than the first time.
30:55I'm hoping to break down some walls,
30:57ask her what she's actually thinking,
30:59and find out a lot more about her.
31:01Oh, you look really nice.
31:03Thank you, so do you. I'm so excited to see you.
31:05My God, Rhys is looking
31:07fit, but, come on,
31:09Ella, I'm going to be serious
31:11and I'm going to keep this PG
31:13for once. Oh, my God, wait.
31:15OK, so, this is my message to you.
31:17Rhys, I'm sorry for being
31:19a knob at times.
31:21I love you. Aww, what's the back say?
31:23OK, I don't... Oh, it says plowed more than
31:25a farmer's field, which isn't trail.
31:27No.
31:29Shut up!
31:31Yeah, how are you, anyway? I'm good, how are you?
31:33Yeah, I'm good.
31:35Can I actually talk to you
31:37about the brunch? I know I've
31:39said sorry, but also thank you for...
31:41For what? Having my back. Told you I had it.
31:43I still... I know that I'm an incredible
31:45person and I'm glad that you can see
31:47that there is more to me, but if I
31:49was in your shoes, I...
31:51Most guys would run if they were you.
31:53I'm not most guys.
31:57I know, and this is
31:59what I'm, like, starting to be like.
32:01You need to stop self-sabotaging.
32:03You've probably self-sabotaged so many, like, half-decent people.
32:05Yeah, I know. Because of, like, obviously
32:07stuff, like, personal stuff.
32:09So, you're amazing.
32:11Like, any lover would be lucky, so be it.
32:13And you've just got to
32:15make sure you know that.
32:17Give people a chance at love.
32:19Oh, I think I love you.
32:21Aw, he's a good one, Ella.
32:23Rhys is being so sweet
32:25and reassuring. He's saying all of the right
32:27things. So maybe
32:29these PG dates aren't that bad after all.
32:31While Ella and Rhys hit
32:33things off...
32:35Across town, this horny little
32:37puss-puss... The cat.
32:39..is watching Stephen arrive for his
32:41date with Dishy Danny. I'm really excited,
32:43actually. I've seen a picture of Danny. He's
32:45definitely up my street. After
32:47my meeting with Paul, I've taken on the
32:49advice, I am going to sit there
32:51tonight, really listen to my date, try and
32:53get to know him as much as I can, instead
32:55of just me going on about myself
32:57and how funny and handsome I am.
32:59So far,
33:01Stephen's had an absolute
33:03shocker on his date. You generally feel
33:05really, really horny. I think it's
33:07probably best if I get going. He got
33:09pied off on his first date.
33:11Oh, my God, have I just been pied? And the second
33:13date was a total car crash. You've been quite
33:15sensible tonight, but we're on a first
33:17date, and I thought you might
33:19be a little bit more fun.
33:21So the agents have
33:23set Stephen up with 40-year-old Danny,
33:25who's closer to his age and enjoys some
33:27good bands. I'm a little bit nervous about
33:29my date with Stephen, but mainly because I've
33:31not met him, and it's not very often that I
33:33go on dates with someone that I've not met
33:35before. Stephen?
33:37Stephen? Oh, hello, mate. I thought he was going to
33:39have a match tonight. How are you doing? All right?
33:41I'm good. How are you? Nice to meet you. Danny, yeah? Yes.
33:45How are you? All right? I am good. I am
33:47good. So this is a strong
33:49star. Danny's definitely a good-looking
33:51lad. How's your day been?
33:53Yeah, good. Yeah, I've just been lounging around,
33:55you know, preparing myself.
33:57Yeah. I, uh...
33:59Sorry.
34:01I haven't done something like
34:03this before, so I'm a bit
34:05more awkward than I anticipated.
34:07Hang on. Don't worry.
34:09Look, your profile said you like banter.
34:11I do like banter, yeah.
34:13I wouldn't say I'm a naughty boy, I just
34:15like to take the piss. Yeah.
34:17OK. Thank you so much. I appreciate it.
34:19Cheers. Cheers.
34:23I can feel he's quite
34:25nervous. I think I'm going to have to
34:27carry this a bit more. On the little
34:29blurb I got of you,
34:31it said that you were a change manager.
34:33What is a change manager? To be honest, I don't even know
34:35what I do all the time.
34:37So, what do you do? I work predominantly
34:39with companies that are implementing
34:41different technologies, different systems.
34:43And my job is to
34:45understand all of the different
34:47ways and all of the different people
34:49that change will impact.
34:51It will impact...
34:53Yeah, I think we've lost him.
34:55Stavon,
34:57he's finished.
34:59Stavon?
35:01Stavon?
35:03One word registered with him.
35:05Stavon?
35:07Coming up! Could you see this going somewhere?
35:09Rhys has Ella in his sights.
35:11I do want, like, your 100%
35:13attention. You don't want me dating
35:15anyone else? Well, not really, no.
35:17And Stavon puts Danny on the spot.
35:19When you see the pictures, do you think,
35:21yeah, he's cute, I fancy him, or...?
35:23I thought he would look like a fun guy.
35:25That doesn't shout out, yeah, he's gorgeous.
35:31Stavon?
35:39Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating,
35:41where we left Ella and Rhys getting deep.
35:43Like, I've always just wanted
35:45someone, um,
35:47respectful and who just treats me
35:49like the person that
35:51I should be treated as.
35:53Basically, the way that my dad treats my mum
35:55is just to let yourself
35:57open. Yeah, but I feel like I'm
35:59really open today. This is not like...
36:01I know! I'm still a little bit nervous.
36:03You know what makes me laugh? Literally before this,
36:05I was like, I hope she, like, opens up.
36:07You have to remember, I haven't dated
36:09in so long.
36:11And I am
36:13still... I've still got walls up.
36:15But I think... Time.
36:17I need to give you a chance, but obviously I'd
36:19also like you to give me a chance.
36:21It's going to sound a bit weird.
36:23I do want, like, your 100% attention.
36:25You don't want me dating anyone else?
36:27Well, not really, no.
36:29Rhys, this is a dating agency.
36:31Is that bad of me?
36:33Is that bad? No, I just wish...
36:35I'm really shocked. Why?
36:37Shit, this makes things
36:39so awkward now.
36:41God, this is so awkward.
36:43This is a celebrity dating agency,
36:45not the celebrity
36:47settle-down agency. I don't know
36:49what to do. I do want to
36:51date Rhys again, but
36:53I also want to keep learning.
36:55This is one thing I do do.
36:57I do jump in, and I
36:59get so ahead of myself, and I basically
37:01don't want to put all my
37:03eggs in one basket.
37:05But then it just means for me that
37:07I have to make sure I'm...
37:09I have to make sure I stand out. Could you see this
37:11going somewhere? Between
37:13me and you? Yes, I do. You really could?
37:15Yeah, really. Oi!
37:17Food's ready, go get it!
37:19Calm down, you gobby knobhead.
37:21Come on, then. Any time
37:23today would be nice.
37:25Oh, this restaurant would stress me out. I don't think it's the best place
37:27for a date.
37:29Across town, Stephen's trying to find the
37:31fun side of a nervous Danny.
37:33What does that say up your arm?
37:35OK, it says what we play in life. What we play in life?
37:37It's supposed to say what we play
37:39is life, which is a Louis Armstrong quote.
37:41OK. But
37:43he was doing the outline, and then
37:45as he was colouring it in back this way,
37:47his stepsister was sat next to me and I looked and I went,
37:49fuck. And he's like, what's wrong, does it hurt?
37:51I'm like, no, it doesn't hurt, it's wrong.
37:53And he's like, oh, well, I showed you the paper, it's your fault.
37:55Oh, no! Now I've got a fun story to tell.
37:57Well, it weren't that fun, to be honest.
37:59LAUGHTER
38:01Now, now, play nicely, Stephen.
38:03Remember what Paul said about not taking the piss?
38:05Right, I'm going to pop to the loo.
38:07OK. Enjoy.
38:13Hang on, that's not the toilet. Where is he?
38:15Who's he calling?
38:17Hello?
38:19Hi, Dan. It's me.
38:21Daniel as in ex-husband Daniel?
38:23What the fuck, Stephen?
38:25I've called Daniel for some advice.
38:27He's my go-to. How's it going?
38:29Mmm.
38:31He's a really nice guy,
38:33but it's all a bit serious and a bit...
38:35like, one note.
38:37It's a bit dry.
38:39Should I cut and run?
38:41Do you know what? I would give it more time.
38:43At the end of it, there's still no connection.
38:45Then you've got to tell him.
38:47OK. All right, look, Dan, thanks for the advice.
38:49OK. See you later.
38:51Bye-bye. Bye. Bye.
38:53Right.
38:55So I've spoken to Daniel.
38:57He said, get back into the gate and just enjoy yourself.
38:59Be you.
39:01So I'm going back in.
39:03I'm going to bring the banter up a bit.
39:05Blimey, brace yourself. Here we go.
39:07All right. Yeah, that's better.
39:09No chilli on your willy?
39:11No chilli on the willy.
39:13Actually, do you want a little dessert?
39:15Sweeten it up with something.
39:17Oh, he's going for the classic dessert flirt again.
39:19Well, I'm not really into starters,
39:21so I'm quite happy to jump straight to the main
39:23and have a bit of dessert.
39:25Totally fine.
39:27It didn't work last time,
39:29so why on earth would it work this time?
39:31If you're having dessert, I'll have a dessert.
39:33Yeah? Yeah. I'm always going to have dessert.
39:35Good to know. Yeah.
39:37I like to go all the way.
39:39I love you, boy. OK.
39:41Do you not?
39:43Do you like to stop halfway?
39:45No. No. Fuck no. All the way.
39:47All the way up to the cream.
39:51No? Yes.
39:53That's what I like. Yes.
39:55That's why I'm going with the fondant.
39:57It's like a nice, hard exterior with a soft, creamy inside.
39:59Well, there you go.
40:01I think we found a bit of common ground.
40:03We both love spontaneity.
40:05Yeah, I'm really feeling this.
40:07And with one of Stephen's dates
40:09finally going in the right direction...
40:13..back with Ella and Rhys now
40:15at the world's weirdest restaurant
40:17where the waiting staff are...
40:19There's a bill. ..clearly not looking for a tip.
40:21Is there any questions you have
40:23about what I've been through at all?
40:25Because surely you've never, like, dated someone like me.
40:27No, I haven't. I haven't.
40:29I do have questions.
40:31OK, go on.
40:33I'll ask you on a fair day.
40:35And that, ladies and gents and celebs,
40:37is how you do it.
40:39Get in there, Rhys-y boy.
40:41That was so sweet.
40:43That was good, right? I just kind of swung and swaggered.
40:45I do have some questions.
40:47OK, fine, deal. We'll save it for the third date
40:49because I've already realised I want to go on a third date
40:51with you anyway. You promise?
40:53Yeah, I promise.
40:55What's wrong with me?
40:57I've really done a good turn.
40:59I think I've fallen in love with you.
41:01Here we go.
41:03I'm going to repeat them last time, though.
41:05Have you got a jacket?
41:07No, I didn't obviously dress very appropriately, neither.
41:09Oh, are you being serious?
41:11Yeah.
41:13That's very sweet of you.
41:15My date with Bella was really good.
41:17It was different because I feel like her attitude
41:19going into this date
41:21was a lot different.
41:23I am going to be a good girl tonight
41:25because as much as I would love
41:27to continue this,
41:29I want to look forward to the next date.
41:31And now I know we're going on a third date,
41:33it just gives me something to look forward to.
41:35So, thank you for the amazing date.
41:37And I'll start to grab my scissors
41:39and I'll see you soon.
41:41OK.
41:45Keep it PG.
41:47I feel like the second date went really well.
41:49And I'm walking away with a smile on my face
41:51and I am walking away on my own.
41:53I'll see you soon, yeah?
41:55OK, love you. Love you too.
41:57Bye.
41:59If this doesn't show I've done Adrian's proud,
42:01then God knows what will.
42:05Across town, we left Stephen finally having
42:07flirty fun with Danny.
42:09Let's hope he can keep it up.
42:11Boner.
42:13What do you think people's first impressions
42:15of you are
42:17having seen you on Gogglebox?
42:19Do people form an opinion of you
42:21and who you are before they know you?
42:23Well, you tell me. Did you?
42:25Well, no, because I didn't really know who you were.
42:27Yeah, yeah, yeah.
42:29I knew what you looked like.
42:31And when you see the pictures, do you think,
42:33yeah, he's cute, I fancy him, or...
42:35I thought you looked like
42:37a fun guy.
42:39Uh-oh.
42:41That doesn't shout out, yeah, he's gorgeous.
42:43Oh, God.
42:45I'm feeling a bit put on the spot now.
42:49I didn't think you were an unattractive person
42:51otherwise I wouldn't have come on the date.
42:53Hang on, what's going on?
42:55Things were going really well a few minutes ago.
42:57When someone starts
42:59to question or say things,
43:01like, oh, so you didn't look at my picture and
43:03weren't blown away by how handsome and good-looking I was.
43:05I didn't say that.
43:07No, but your mouth suddenly puckering up into a cat's bum hole did.
43:09I didn't say that.
43:11OK.
43:13That's the sort of stuff
43:15that then I get a bit
43:17taken aback by,
43:19because I feel put on the spot.
43:21OK.
43:23I think we're finally having a little bit of banter
43:25and a flirtation, and then Danny accuses me
43:27of thinking that he should
43:29fancy me. I mean, he should,
43:31but what the fuck?
43:33What is your idea
43:35of a good first date?
43:37Not this one.
43:39My idea of a good first date is
43:41being able to talk
43:43comfortably and openly
43:45and some laughter, and
43:47during the date I'd probably be
43:49a little bit tactile if it felt
43:51right, and I felt that it was
43:53something that was reciprocated.
43:55Why are you doing this to yourself, Stefan?
43:57You would be tactile, and you've not been that tactile.
43:59I haven't, no.
44:01So, therefore, you're not feeling it.
44:03I thought we'd established that.
44:05I'm feeling very confrontational.
44:07You can say that. Oh, no, I'm not.
44:09I'm just trying to get to the bottom of it.
44:11On a date, I'm happy to
44:13discuss what it was.
44:15I think that
44:17I get along with you really well.
44:19I would probably say that
44:21there's not a spark for
44:23more than something platonic.
44:25Cool. Yeah,
44:27cool. Cool, cool. I'm cool.
44:29Well, that's fine.
44:31That's fine.
44:33So,
44:35that's the end of the date.
44:37Well, look, it was lovely meeting you.
44:39It was lovely meeting you as well.
44:41Every success for the future.
44:43Good luck with the dates.
44:45Cheers, Danny. See you later.
44:47See you later.
44:51We'll get another one of them.
44:53I fucking hated that.
44:55Well, that went well.
44:57I think the first part of the date
44:59was really good. I really enjoyed
45:01meeting Stephen. I thought he was a really
45:03warm and genuine and open person.
45:05The second part of the date
45:07felt like it took a little bit of a turn.
45:09I'm not really used to
45:11someone being that direct
45:13about, do you fancy me or not?
45:15Dan, do you want to go on a date
45:17or what? Yeah?
45:19Come sit here. Well, the night wasn't
45:21a complete loss then. I had to ask
45:23Danny in the end if he fancied me
45:25because I was getting nothing from him
45:27that indicated that. So then
45:29I just had to ask him, do you fancy me?
45:31And he flat out said, no.
45:33Look, this is my third date.
45:35They've all been the same.
45:37No banter, no giggles,
45:39no flirting. Maybe they're
45:41all a bit too young for me. Find me some
45:43dirty old man that's going to think I'm a bit of crap here.
45:45We're trying,
45:47Stephen. We're trying.
45:49Tomorrow night!
45:51God, that is
45:53dancing to the max.
45:55There's a shocking store for Ella.
45:57Oh, darling. Bring it in to
45:59Papa. A tough call for Jamelia.
46:01Perhaps we call him.
46:05I'm horrified.
46:07And raw emotion for Stephen.
46:09He was probably one of the best things ever happened to me.
46:11That's really beautiful.
46:13As a celebs, if you had a penis for the day,
46:15what would you do? Go.
46:17If you have a drive to drive to Burnley.
46:19It's like somewhere at Lord of the Rings. Dating!
46:21But if you're not lying down the day anymore,
46:23it's over.