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Video Information: 14.05.2022, NIT-Calicut, Greater Noida, U.P.
Context:
~ How can one handle negativity?
~ Why do we connect with negative people?
~ Why do we value family above all else?
~ Will our family always be there for us?
~ Who benefits from negative people?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~
Be a part of the Live Sessions: https://acharyaprashant.org/hi/enquir...
Want to read Acharya Prashant's Books?
Get Free Delivery: https://acharyaprashant.org/en/books?...
~~~~~
Video Information: 14.05.2022, NIT-Calicut, Greater Noida, U.P.
Context:
~ How can one handle negativity?
~ Why do we connect with negative people?
~ Why do we value family above all else?
~ Will our family always be there for us?
~ Who benefits from negative people?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~
Category
📚
LearningTranscript
00:00Namaste Sir, I'm Shelly. My question is how to deal with the toxic people in our daily
00:09life and sometimes their behavior adds negativity and upset in my life and how to deal such
00:17situation and how to stay positive when we are when I'm dealing with such personalities.
00:24You are Shelly you said? Yes, Shelly. Shelly, how did you first of all manage to accommodate
00:32so many toxic people in your daily life? Like attracts like. My question to you is how did
00:42you first of all have so many toxic people gravitate to you? How did that happen? It's
00:49a miracle. Not so many Sir, one or two people they are always. Even those two people, how
00:57are they managing to stick around? Why are they still in your sensory or mental domain?
01:08Why do you see them? Why do you think of them? Because I can't avoid them. No, that's exactly
01:18what toxicity is. That's exactly what toxicity is. Something that cannot be avoided. That's
01:24everybody's apology and explanation. Just as you say you cannot avoid toxic people. Similarly,
01:32the toxic people say they cannot avoid being toxic. That's everybody's apology. Now, what do
01:39you do? Tell me. My problem is I'm always reacting them. You always? I'm always reacting
01:51them when they are manipulating, when they are judging. I used to think that I will be silent,
01:58but in some situation I can't. So I will. No, no, we need to stick to my question. Why are
02:06these people there in your life at all? They are my family members. So why do they need to
02:19be necessarily there in your life? Who told you that the family is bigger than everything else?
02:27You are not born to be a family woman. You are born to be liberated. Liberation is bigger than
02:38everything. Your gender, your identities, your roles, your relationships, all of these are
02:45subservient to your existential purpose. You do not exist to be a family member. You are born
02:57alone, you will die alone. What is this thing about family? The only thing that will remain
03:03with you is the height of consciousness you could reach. In fact, the ones who have known have told
03:13us that if you could reach great heights and even transcend the heights, those heights remain so
03:22much with you that even your death does not matter, you become immortal. Will the family remain with
03:31you always? They are already bothering you so much. Not everyone, but some people. Because
03:41just two days back, they are judging, manipulating and I can't control, so I reacted. But that
03:49affected me. You are not being fully willing to consider my question. If there are such people,
04:00what compulsion do you have to have interactions with them? Please tell me. And it is these
04:11compulsions that fuel the toxicity. If toxicity knows that it would be thrown out of the window,
04:21it would change its ways. But it does not mend itself because it knows it would be accommodated.
04:29Why do you accommodate it so much? And by accommodating it, are you doing yourself any
04:38good? Are you doing the other person any good? That person will continue to remain toxic. You
04:44will continue to suffer. You will continue to feel like a victim. He will continue to be himself.
04:53Who is gaining?
05:00Nobody is gaining, right? You know, what is the fundamental problem? This feeling of obligation,
05:08this feeling of compulsiveness, this feeling that you are indebted, that there is a great
05:17responsibility to bear all nonsense. And all of this arises from an ignorance of one's true nature.
05:29Since we do not know who we really are, therefore we
05:32take on all kinds of needless roles, responsibilities and identities.
05:38Every second lost to mischief is a second that you owed to your own inner progress.
05:53Every second lost to toxicity is a moment stolen away from its right utilization.
06:04Do you see what kind of loss that is?
06:11Also, remember, we are talking of just one side of the story. If we manage to bring
06:21those two so-called toxic people to this conversation, they will have their own tale to tell.
06:28Toxicity is not something necessarily present in a person.
06:33It breeds in an environment, not really in a person.
06:39And if it is there in an environment, there are many people responsible for it.
06:46Stop being one of those who are responsible for that toxicity.
06:52Stop being one of those who are responsible for that toxicity.
06:59You can support toxicity actively by displaying toxic behavior,
07:07or you can support toxicity passively by tolerating toxic behavior.
07:14Active or passive, support is support, is it not?
07:24And there is fun in portraying oneself as the victim of toxicity.
07:29We are not just victims of toxicity, we are supporters of toxicity.
07:33We are not just victims of toxicity, we are supporters of toxicity.
07:44Please understand,
07:49all these concepts that have been implanted in our minds,
07:54that cohesion is of prime importance, that
08:00staying together is of prime importance, that being
08:10a good-mannered and dainty girl, a woman, is of prime importance.
08:15These are junk principles.
08:28The real principles of life have never been taught to us.
08:34What really matters in life is not your good etiquette, but your deep wisdom.
08:45But wisdom is something we never respected, never quite cultivated with intent.
09:00Instead, we value a lot of other things, and those other things, they are actually valueless.
09:09We have just been taught to value them.
09:13Stop giving values to things that have none.
09:22Call a spade a spade.
09:26And it's not about being vindictive,
09:31being vindictive.
09:37It's not about retribution.
09:43In some sense, it is also about helping that other toxic person.
09:50Somebody has to call him out, and that need not be done with a lot of anger.
09:57That has to be done as an exercise in factfulness.
10:04Why not tell it to the other person that he or she is displaying sick behavior,
10:11that that person's behavior is adversely affecting
10:17the mental well-being of a lot of other people, at least one other person.
10:21And you do that honestly, and you do that without any violence.
10:29If the other person is his own well-wisher, he will listen to you.
10:37That must be your intention. And if he does not listen,
10:41then you cannot foist yourself on someone.
10:46People improve by their own consent.
10:52If you tell the right things to a person and he does not want to improve,
10:58you cannot force him to.
11:02That's not in your hands. But your own well-being is definitely in your hands.
11:07I repeat, there is no obligation, no responsibility to stay put in an environment
11:14or with people who adversely impact your mental health.
11:20Anything else?
11:22No, sir. Thank you, sir. Thank you so much.