The Jeremy Kyle Show (09 Jan 2017)
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CreativityTranscript
00:00You are watching On Demand. Please do not try to vote or enter any competition or other interactivity in this programme, as it may not count and you may still be charged.
00:10On today's show...
00:12How long have you been married to Susan?
00:14Just over a year and a half.
00:15When did you split up?
00:17I finished it on Saturday afternoon and she was in bed with another bloke Saturday evening.
00:23Today I want answers. I know she will fail the lie detector. I want a divorce. I'm better now. I want her out of my life for good, yeah?
00:44You want this for Michael? Here you go.
00:52Did you steal the tablet?
01:02No, I didn't.
01:03You devoured the DNA test?
01:05Yes, because when I came back to my mother when I was 18, my mother told me I was her daughter.
01:11I'm ashamed of you.
01:13I'm ashamed of you.
01:17From today onward, you'll watch my yard and make it you'll never see again.
01:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:33Good morning, guys.
01:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:42Hello, friends, good morning and a big, big welcome to the show.
01:44Now, our first guest today, Andy, is here to confront his soon-to-be ex-wife,
01:47whom he kicked out days ago when he claims he found out she was cheating.
01:51He says that in those four days, Susan has already found herself a new toy boy lover
01:56and he wants her out of his life for good.
01:59CHEERING
02:01He is not happy. Andy's on the Jeremy Carr Show, that way.
02:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:11How are you?
02:12Well, not great, cos you're here.
02:14Yeah, I am.
02:15Welcome to the show. Big, big, big...
02:18CHEERING
02:21So...
02:22CHEERING
02:25How long have you been married to Susan?
02:27Just over a year and a half.
02:28You see, frankly, if I was asked...
02:30Shut up!
02:31If I was asked to describe her, it would be that she is the village...
02:35CHEERING
02:38Well, that was a nice day.
02:40It was a brilliant day for me and friends and family, what I did invite.
02:44Now you say she's a cheating prostitute and I want a divorce.
02:47CHEERING
02:50Now, honestly, can you please bear with me,
02:52because this part's difficult for me.
02:54You say she's a sex addict.
02:56She's a very heavy sex addict.
02:58She doesn't know when to stop or calm down when she wants to.
03:02Be quiet, sex addict.
03:04Could I just ask what a sex addict is?
03:07I mean, how often a day does she...?
03:09When we first got together, it was nearly four times a day.
03:12CHEERING
03:15Four times a day.
03:17Four times a day.
03:18Four times a year.
03:20I had to cut it down as I've got a bad back
03:22and I didn't want to end up in a wheelchair.
03:24LAUGHTER
03:27I bought her everything, including special lingerie from...
03:31CHEERING
03:33From Hong Kong.
03:34Yes.
03:35Cost me a tenner on eBay.
03:38Yeah, that's fine.
03:40Let's talk about her and you at the beginning.
03:43It was great. It was physical and...
03:45Basically, the beginning of my life with her.
03:47Would you just sit down or just relax?
03:50Thank you. Carry on.
03:54Basically, the beginning of when I first met her, nine years ago,
03:57when she said we'd play with her first son.
03:59CHEERING
04:01What's that?
04:02It's the nightwear I bought her.
04:03Is that the lingerie?
04:06Shall I get somebody to model that?
04:08CHEERING
04:18You love this woman, but in the end, you say,
04:20it just all went wrong.
04:22You caught her texting other men.
04:24Other men without internet connection or money on her phone.
04:28You say she cheated on you, you believe, up to how many times?
04:31At least six times in the marriage
04:33and maybe three times before the marriage.
04:35CHEERING
04:37She's denying that. She's done a lie detector.
04:39You say I was a complete fool.
04:41She was controlling, she made me sell my beloved car.
04:44And the most expensive thing...
04:47CHEERING
04:50What did she say?
04:52Shut the hell up, you tramp.
04:54Thank you for that.
04:57The thing is...
04:58The thing is...
04:59Can you all shut up?
05:00CHEERING
05:02Oi, oi, oi, oi, go and sit down.
05:06Relax, save your energy.
05:09Within four days of me finishing this relationship,
05:12she's now with Michael, who's 18.
05:15CHEERING
05:17How old are you?
05:1938 in December.
05:20He's a boy, not a man, and it won't last,
05:22cos he can't handle her rubbish or afford her expensive taste.
05:26Today, I want answers.
05:27I know she will fail the lie detector.
05:29I want a divorce. I'm better than her.
05:32I want her out of my life for good, yeah?
05:34CHEERING
05:41She says,
05:43you were an awful husband, I want a divorce,
05:46leave me alone, and I want my stuff,
05:49including my lingerie, back.
05:52You ready for this?
05:54Susan's on the Jeremy Carr show now, right?
05:56CHEERING
06:03When you grow up, now that you've aged for once in your life,
06:06you'll stop looking like a G-shot.
06:08CHEERING
06:10I've got a better man in the pod, thanks.
06:13He's not a boy, actually.
06:15No money, no job, no life, I'm a drug addict.
06:18Really?
06:19I've done my research.
06:20Have you?
06:22Come on, then, what drugs does he take, then?
06:24I don't know what drugs he has, but I know he's a drug addict.
06:26Well, you're wrong.
06:27Being an a-hole, he's a coward.
06:29His mum?
06:30Whatever.
06:31He does, actually.
06:33Hello.
06:34Hello.
06:35Andy was an awful husband.
06:36He never paid me attention, he just played with his cars.
06:39Yeah.
06:40He used me for sex, and if I'm honest,
06:42and I think Alex, who's holding the camera behind you,
06:44should listen to this, he only used to last a couple of minutes.
06:46Yeah.
06:49What do you mean by that?
06:51He was just like, I'll have it with you,
06:53then when he's finished he'll go up and get dressed,
06:55or go and play with his cars.
06:57CHEERING
07:00Who's that?
07:02My friend Tanya, Susan's buys me at our wedding,
07:05and witness of the wedding.
07:07She was the maid of honour?
07:08Yeah.
07:09You're not with her, are you?
07:10No.
07:11I have a young, hot toy boy who does everything that he never could do.
07:14Yeah, he sat in the pod.
07:15Is he?
07:16Look at you looking all smug.
07:18Well, there's the bride and the groom,
07:20and the rather large bunch of flowers.
07:22Worst day ever.
07:23And the maid of honour.
07:25Tanya, let's talk about this controlling relationship,
07:28because you said...
07:33You said that, um...
07:35Yes.
07:36You said that he was no good at all as a husband.
07:38He called you a prostitute.
07:39Were you a prostitute?
07:40No, I weren't.
07:41He says that you texted other men and cheated six times.
07:45Really?
07:46There were no texts, but I got no credit and no Wi-Fi on my phone.
07:49So explain the messages you had on Friday from another lady.
07:52When did you split up?
07:53Before Michael.
07:55With the other lady.
07:56Before Michael.
07:57When did you split up?
07:59I finished it on Saturday afternoon,
08:01and she was in bed with another bloke Saturday evening.
08:04No, I wasn't, actually.
08:06In a hotel, paid for.
08:08No, I wasn't, actually.
08:09You look like you're absolutely loving every moment of this, darling.
08:12No, I ain't.
08:13Why are you treating him so badly,
08:14taking such a small amount of time to jump in bed with somebody else?
08:17I did jump in bed with somebody else.
08:21You've got a new boyfriend?
08:22Yeah.
08:23He's having Thursday...
08:24And?
08:25What?
08:26He needs to treat me better.
08:27You've only been with him for...
08:28How long have you been with him?
08:29Since the 14th.
08:34Was that...
08:37Was that Monday?
08:38No.
08:39What, Monday wasn't the 14th?
08:41Oh, yeah, actually, yeah, it was.
08:43So, Saturday, you were desperately upset, Sunday, you got over it.
08:47Ooh!
08:49Who are you?
08:50Who are you?
08:51Me?
08:52I was the best bridesmaid at your wedding, though.
08:55Yeah, and it was the worst day of my life.
08:57What do you mean, yeah, and?
08:58He's all right. Andy wouldn't hurt a fly, love.
09:00So, you saying the stuff that you are, why are you shut up?
09:03Ooh!
09:05It's a joke... Thanks, Tanya, bye.
09:07It's a joke that Andy is accusing me of cheating.
09:10I'll shove the results. I'm a loyal girl.
09:13So, you didn't cheat on him?
09:14No, I didn't.
09:15But the relationship was over.
09:16Why did you not finish it, then, if it was so awful? He finished it.
09:19Cos I thought I'd try and carry on, see if I can get it to work.
09:22You're in love with her still, aren't you?
09:24In a deep way, cos they're one other person.
09:27What's not in our care?
09:28It breaks my heart even more.
09:30I'm not coming back. I'm sorry.
09:32You love this, don't you? You're as smug as anything, you.
09:35You've used him, haven't you?
09:36No, no, no, why are you shaking like a little Nancy girl?
09:39No, no, I'm serious here.
09:41So, you've got an 18-year-old toy boy,
09:43you're well aware that Andy wants you back,
09:45but you're happy with your new man.
09:47You want a divorce. Yep.
09:48And you want a divorce.
09:49I want a divorce.
09:50When she walked off me just under a month ago,
09:53I actually started processes with a divorce with a solicitor.
09:56Isn't it true that you want your stuff back? Yep.
09:58What do you want back?
09:59All my stuff, all my clothes, my shoes.
10:02You've got her stuff with you, haven't you? Yep.
10:04I've got one bag of her stuff with me, right at the minute.
10:08Ooh!
10:11It's not going very well, is it, with that lingerie?
10:14Ooh!
10:16APPLAUSE
10:31Have you got all you've got? Ready.
10:34I gave you notice, you've got 24 hours...
10:37That's your stuff? Yeah.
10:39Are you happy you've got...?
10:41No, that's half of my stuff.
10:45That's just half of my stuff.
10:47Oh, hello.
10:48Do you want this for Michael?
10:50Here you go. Thank you.
10:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
10:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
11:07Is this from Hong Kong?
11:09Yeah. One of the items I bought for...
11:11It's nice, isn't it? It was.
11:15Anyway, there we go.
11:17So, you want a divorce and you want a divorce. Yep.
11:20So why don't you just get a divorce and we'll all get on with our lives?
11:23What's the matter?
11:27I ain't got a fund to sustain my money.
11:29You took all his money!
11:31Really? I took all your money when we got paid.
11:35It went on bills, food, and then it went on your cars.
11:38If Andy did his job in the first place, I wouldn't take over.
11:41He's more of a boy, I'm a man.
11:43I know that... What? He manipulated her.
11:46Right, so listen, we're going to go to a break.
11:48Your new toy boy's here, your ex-chief bridesmaid is your mate's here,
11:51you've got your stuff back, you both want a divorce, is that right?
11:54Yeah. Back in a minute, mate, thank you!
12:02You leave me? I want my stuff!
12:05I'm not having one bag like you just dragged out of me!
12:07It's not your wedding dress anymore, E-40.
12:09Go to your toy boy lover, take your clothes and do one.
12:12See you, love. Thanks.
12:21Have you been accused of cheating?
12:23Do you need to prove your innocence with a lie detector?
12:26If you're 18 or over and you want to be considered for the show,
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12:35You can call my team today. It's 09011.
12:38It's 123456.
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12:43Or email TALKATITV.com to get in touch with one of my team.
12:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
12:55Welcome back for the break. Andy and Susie used to be married.
12:58How long were you married for? A year and a half.
13:00He wasn't very good, you say. And you say she was basically a cheat.
13:03She was a prostitute and now she's with an 18-year-old
13:05and it just about sums her up.
13:07She'll take advantage and spend his money.
13:09I want a divorce, yeah?
13:11Make all the toy boys on the Jeremy Carl show that way!
13:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
13:22Come on.
13:24Down, down, down.
13:26Down, down, down. Sit down. Sit down.
13:28Sit yourself down. Sit down like a dog.
13:31Sit down, do what you're told.
13:33No, no, no. Here's one.
13:35It's amazing, isn't it? You jump straight to her attitude and her answers.
13:38Yeah, it's amazing, isn't it?
13:41Oi! Oi!
13:43It's also amazing how much you still patently love her, isn't it?
13:46I love her and always have done for the last nine years.
13:48You said she was a prostitute, pal.
13:51She's a ground sheet.
13:53Any bloke, even, like, my friend, who I have held out,
13:56she bounced on him, start naked, right in front of me, and his best mate.
14:00This is Paul, who said,
14:01I lived with Susan and Andrew for a while
14:03and she was constantly trying to sleep with me.
14:05She would walk around naked and even tried to sit on my lap naked before.
14:09She treated Andrew like a slave and she was dirty.
14:12She would never clean up. She hasn't had a bath in three weeks.
14:16She's a troublemaker, a liar, a cheat, a thief and a backstabber.
14:19She stole money off me. I'm glad Andrew's finished with her.
14:22He could do miles better. She's gone.
14:24So, anyway, I stole money off Paul, right?
14:27Did you try it on with him? Did you lap dance naked?
14:29Yeah, I did, and he was telling me he loved it, actually.
14:32So, you basically nakedly tried to lap dance his...
14:35I wasn't nakedly. Every time I went for a bath, I tried to tell Paul,
14:38if you don't like how I walk around the flat,
14:40you know where the front door is.
14:42So, every three weeks... It's my flat, not your town.
14:45Hold on. Every three weeks, you walk around the flat naked?
14:48No.
14:49Cos he says you only had a bath every three weeks.
14:51Yeah, what, a bath?
14:52So, basically, when you had a bath, you got naked
14:54and started gyrating against his friends.
14:56You're in for a good time. Look at you.
14:58You look very... You look like the cat that's got the cream.
15:01How are you? I'm all right, thank you.
15:04You're in love with her? Yeah, I am.
15:06You've only known her four days?
15:08No, I've known her for the time before I went back in...
15:12Yeah, when she was... I never bloke.
15:14Oh!
15:15I think that's what she was living with.
15:18She didn't really come to the sun.
15:20So, you trusted her?
15:21The difference is, at the end of the day...
15:23Let him speak. The difference is, at the end of the day,
15:25going, that was dramatic, what?
15:26Maybe she was with him, but at the end of the day,
15:28look at you, you're cheating on her.
15:30Why do you...
15:33Get off the stage. You don't know me.
15:35You don't know...
15:36Do you know who I am?
15:38He's supporting his missus, Andy, not me.
15:40Missus?
15:44You don't know who you are.
15:46So, you're happy with her? Yeah, I am.
15:48What does she tell you about the way he treated her?
15:50Basically, I've been told, apparently, he treated her like a piece of...
15:53You need to get off the stage, Michael, mate.
15:55I don't need to...
15:56Tony, I've nothing against you, but could you allow me to do this?
15:59When I say, come on, then you come on.
16:01It's called the Jeremy Kyle show.
16:04You told my team you want to marry Michael.
16:08Yeah.
16:09Should he finish school first, or what?
16:11He's finished school.
16:12Does he? Do you work?
16:13No, I don't, but I'm thinking about it, yeah.
16:15Do you want to marry her?
16:16Yeah, I do.
16:17Why?
16:18Why? Because I want to.
16:20Well, until she goes to the next, mate, when she gets bored of you.
16:23I'll be you unless you're still in love with her.
16:25Right, that's it. Tony, the Chief Bridesmaid's on.
16:28CHEERING
16:34APPLAUSE
16:38It's got nothing to do with you. I don't even know why you're here.
16:41Excuse me? Nothing to do with me? I was your bridesmaid at your wedding.
16:44Yeah, and I'm grateful for that, but it's got... It's me and him.
16:47Yeah, so...
16:48Why did she bring the toy boy with you, then?
16:50Because he's my support.
16:51Barely four days you've been with him.
16:53I've known Andy for years.
16:55And why did you get with him, then?
16:57Because he's not my type, love.
16:59If we were, that would have happened years ago, right?
17:02There you go.
17:04He's known me when I was at school.
17:06When he was about 12 years old, love.
17:08He's known my dad for years.
17:10He can run after you quick enough.
17:12Actually, I have got to save you money and service in the park.
17:15You run after every people.
17:17When I have to do something, you don't do it.
17:19You've got to.
17:20You just don't want to get a job and get off.
17:23I'm getting a job, thank you.
17:24Funny, you're always getting volunteer jobs,
17:26but you rather want to do paid work.
17:28I'm getting a job, thank you.
17:30I can't work.
17:31I've got no ID to actually prove she's a British citizen on her at all.
17:36She doesn't even know Susan.
17:38Who?
17:39Susan.
17:40Why do you think this is so funny?
17:42Because of him.
17:44You're a joke, love.
17:45So was he.
17:47He plays with his cars constantly.
17:50He plays with his cars?
17:52Goes and buys cars for like 100 quid, 200 quid
17:54when there's bills to pay and animals to feed.
17:56I'm going to give you back so I can go to work and pay half of them off.
18:03What is this belief in this country that a man should pay every bill?
18:08Why aren't you able to go to work and pay half of them?
18:10I'm OK if I'm going to work.
18:12Answer the question.
18:13She's quick enough to jump on the nearest man.
18:15Why don't you get out of bed and go to work?
18:17Why don't you answer that?
18:22Go on, answer it.
18:23I told him I was going to work but he wanted me to become his carer.
18:26Oh, shut up, you.
18:28Go on, admit it.
18:29Basically, I'm mentally disabled with a knackered back.
18:32What did she just say to her?
18:33I'll get you.
18:34Don't make threats, darling.
18:37Sorry, I'm not going to be in this much longer.
18:39Good.
18:40Running away from the troubles, like usual.
18:42Oh, no.
18:43Like every time when she gets in with the boys.
18:44You haven't said an awful lot, have you?
18:46No, he's a bit quiet. He's a mouser, actually.
18:48Oh, it's gets him when he's having it all harder, what we've seen.
18:52Did you have sex on the first date?
18:54She likes it three or four times a day.
18:55No, we didn't.
18:56No, we didn't have sex on the first date.
18:57But she's a...by the way.
18:59Oh!
19:01Do you really think...
19:02I really...
19:03There are low moments.
19:04I wouldn't do that.
19:05So, explain something to me.
19:07You want a divorce, right?
19:09I don't believe you.
19:10I think you're still in love with her, you donut.
19:12This is just sex, mate.
19:13She's going to use you and abuse you.
19:15Trust me, I went out with her before I was 12 months.
19:17You went out with her when?
19:18Beforehand.
19:19So, there's something else that you've got out the back for, isn't there?
19:22Yes, there is something, Kelsey.
19:24Get it, mate, cos I'm dying for us.
19:26Come on.
19:27She's not having it.
19:28So what, bring it later?
19:29It's all going to charity.
19:31What is it?
19:32A wedding dress.
19:33I can go and get another one.
19:36With a load of other jewellery and other clothes I've bought on the past.
19:40You've got to get divorced.
19:41Yeah, I'm getting divorced.
19:42Hurry up and give me one.
19:43So, I don't mean to be rude, you want to get divorced,
19:45slash I'm not sure you do, you definitely want to get divorced.
19:47I definitely want to get divorced.
19:48You're just the new man, you're happy, everything's great, life's good, yeah?
19:52Yep.
19:53This test, what did we do it for?
19:55Cos he finally thought I was cheating on him.
19:57You've cheated on some other people in the past, haven't you?
20:00Yeah, that was the past, Tanya.
20:01You're the only person on the Jeremy Carl show
20:03to ever try to clap your hands and miss.
20:05That was my favourite part of it.
20:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20:12Once a cheat, always a cheat.
20:14So, you're going to say, let's give it your side a minute,
20:17you say, he was a control freak, he was a bully, he was boring,
20:20he was into his cars, I didn't cheat, he finished it,
20:22I have every right to move on, me and Michael are happy,
20:25Bob's your uncle, you say, hello, hi.
20:27I want a divorce, I want you out of my life,
20:30and I don't want to ever see you near my front door ever again.
20:33When it all goes wrong, I'll never see you again.
20:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20:38Like you always do when your boyfriends and relationships go downhill.
20:41We asked Susan, during your relationship with Andy,
20:43did you personally kiss anyone else, you said no, why did you say no?
20:46Telling the truth. You're a liar, love.
20:50And she knows it, during your relationship with Andy,
20:52did you have sexual contact with anyone else, she said no.
20:55This test says you're a liar as well.
20:57No surprise, you know you're filthy.
20:59During your relationship with Andy,
21:01did you have sexual intercourse with anyone else?
21:03It's called a full house, you cheated on him, weren't you?
21:08How many men, or should I say...
21:10Don't do that flouncy look on me, love, it doesn't wash.
21:13How many men did you cheat on him with?
21:15I've lost count.
21:17CHEERING
21:19Can I say something, right?
21:21The easiest thing in the world is to sit here and think,
21:23oh, this woman's this, this woman's that.
21:25Look at me a minute, this is important.
21:27It's horrible when you love somebody and it's not reciprocated.
21:29You're better than this, you've got good friends.
21:31For God's sake, don't even lower yourself to your level.
21:33Do you know what you need to do?
21:35I ruined a seven-year relationship for six months on my sofa.
21:38Who saved you?
21:40Why don't you take your stuff and your toy boy lover
21:43and go and find some happiness, cos you won't.
21:45No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
21:50LAUGHTER
21:55CHEERING
22:00Now, there's nothing you say to other people.
22:03Bye, see you.
22:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
22:10I know, listen, it's all very raucous.
22:12There's the proof, look at me, mate, it never is easy,
22:15but the truth is this, it's not...
22:17I knew she was doing it, even from day one we got married.
22:20This is proving and catching it.
22:22And the thing is, it's not even that, you know,
22:24and you've got to promise me one thing,
22:26you achieve nothing supporting him by making threats.
22:29The best way to treat somebody like that,
22:31cos you know what's going to happen,
22:33is he's going to wise up when he's grown up,
22:35he's a young kid that's been given it on a plate,
22:37and let's forget it's not about him, it doesn't matter about that.
22:40It matters about...
22:42CROWD GASP
22:44I want my wedding dress.
22:46Go and get the wedding dress, Dee.
22:48Go and get the wedding dress.
22:53CHEERING
22:57LAUGHTER
23:04LAUGHTER
23:09It's not your wedding dress any more, he bought it.
23:11Go to your toyboy lover, take your clothes and do one.
23:14See you, love, thanks. Bye.
23:16CHEERING
23:20Go on, give me that little baby.
23:22Bye! See you, baby, see you!
23:25Bye!
23:30Um...
23:32Yeah, no.
23:34LAUGHTER
23:38Cos you just told that, Laura, put your hands through there.
23:41Put your hands through there, Laura.
23:43What are you doing?
23:44I just think it's probably the only time in the world that's going to happen.
23:47Um...
23:49Do you want to marry her? No, thanks.
23:51LAUGHTER
23:55Laura, blown out, listen, you're better than that,
23:58don't lower yourself to that level, you've got good friends,
24:01I know it's difficult, listen, we'll work with you,
24:04just no threats, be mature, be dignified,
24:07walk away, all right? Yeah.
24:09And, um, I hope very...
24:11Who's coming back now? Ben, I'll be.
24:13What are you doing now? I want my dress!
24:15You're not getting your dress!
24:17He's marrying Laura now!
24:20I want my stuff, I'm not having one bag,
24:22like you just dragged it out of me!
24:24Do you know something? Listen to me.
24:26I'm going to put this really, really closely.
24:28Go and play your stupid...
24:30Shut up, you. What are you going to do?
24:32What did you just say? I said, get stuffed.
24:34That just about does it, get stuffed, see you later.
24:37Listen, listen.
24:39Rise above it, OK?
24:41Rise above it and try and be dignified, all right?
24:45This is Karen's very nice, she's very misunderstood.
24:48She'll look after you, thank you, Karen.
24:50Give them a round of applause.
24:52Right, come here, come here.
24:54Come here.
24:56Do you ever think you'd stand on national television with me
24:59with a wedding dress?
25:01That's my sister. After the break,
25:03theft lie detector on that stage with no wedding dress.
25:06Right back, thank you.
25:08You say to Daryl, prove to my family that I'm not a thief.
25:15Get off!
25:17Get off!
25:19Sit down and shut up.
25:21Get off the damn stage and do one.
25:29APPLAUSE
25:39Thank you, my friends, welcome back.
25:41Our next guest today, Lisa, is here to find out once and for all
25:44if her sister Kayleigh has stolen from her.
25:46Lisa says that Kayleigh is a troublemaker, a pathological liar,
25:49and strongly believes that she stole her iPad when she was house-sitting.
25:52According to Lisa, she left Kayleigh in her home for several weeks
25:55and when she returned, she'd fled the country
25:57and she'd taken the iPad, a speaker and her knickers with her.
26:03Cos you'd do that, wouldn't you? You'd go,
26:05do you know what, I've got to skip the cussery, mate, I've got to leave.
26:08I've stolen somebody's G-string.
26:10Lisa's on the Jeremy Carr show now.
26:12APPLAUSE
26:19What?
26:22Yeah, I just...
26:41Right, I'm going to get Lisa back, guys.
26:43The problem with the microphone is rusting, we've changed the top.
26:46Give Lisa a round of applause, please.
26:48APPLAUSE
26:52Not good enough.
26:54That sort of behaviour is not acceptable. Sit down.
26:57I understand the emotion and I was trying to explain to the audience,
27:01the pictures on that iPad were of a young nephew of yours who's passed away.
27:05They were irreplaceable and the emotion is high,
27:08but you can't act like that. Do you understand? Yeah.
27:10I found my iPad was missing and I asked Kayleigh about it,
27:13she got defensive, it made me suspicious.
27:15Tell us the story as you know it.
27:17Well, it is...
27:19I went down to my dad's auntie, cos I found my dad's auntie,
27:23since we lost contact when I was a child.
27:26So it was only Kayleigh at my home
27:29and I put the iPad behind the karaoke machine.
27:32No-one didn't know where it was.
27:34You'd left her in your house. Yeah.
27:36When you got back, the house had been rooted through. Yeah.
27:39You say she's a liar and she's got history. What sort of history?
27:42Like, all the lies come out of my mouth.
27:45There's nothing but lies, lies, lies.
27:47Like, all my family knows she's lying, brother.
27:49You say we're travellers.
27:51It's the lowest of the low in our culture to steal from your own family.
27:54And the reason, Jez, that our emotions are high,
27:56not only because of those pictures of my dead nephew,
27:58but because of the fact that you believe she's crossed the line. Yeah.
28:02But what if she hasn't, darling?
28:04If she hasn't, Chuckie, I apologise.
28:06But you think it is her? Yeah.
28:08Could you talk about your knickers, please?
28:10I know that's a ridiculous thing to actually say on national television.
28:13She had a certain type of knickers, so does Steve.
28:15They were missing too. What does that mean?
28:18One of these, I always got trousers full of underwear.
28:22And when Kylie washed her clothes and dried them,
28:26I noticed there was my knickers in with her clothes.
28:28So you think she nicked your knickers? Yeah, honestly.
28:31Pinched your iPad and nicked your knickers? Yeah.
28:33She even took my sixers.
28:35I trusted her in my home, and if she's done this, I will never trust her again.
28:38She says, today, you say, I want her to do a lie detector.
28:41That is the absolute truth I want to know, right? Yeah.
28:44So much for this story. And I say the same to you, Kylie.
28:47You think, for one moment, you two can do that out here.
28:50There is no show and no story.
28:52Steve, will you come in the middle, please?
28:54Will you come in the middle? Kylie's on The Jeremy Kyle Show that way.
28:57APPLAUSE
29:06Can I ask the obvious question? How the hell do two blood relatives,
29:09two sisters who used to be, you know, close,
29:12think that that is any way to treat each other?
29:15Cos she lies all her flippin' time.
29:17Anything comes out of her mouth is...
29:19Is there really? Well, that nails it.
29:21Is there really? I don't think so.
29:23You say, today, I'll prove to my family that I'm not a thief.
29:28Why would they accuse you, then, unless they...
29:30Cos she was down my auntie's door, she was a tab.
29:32I rang her on the tab and go, yeah, she had a tab, but...
29:36I had my mobile.
29:41Struggling a little bit.
29:43Erm, sorry.
29:45You were... A tab's a tablet.
29:47Yeah, she had a tab.
29:49Slow down, slow down, I'm an old man.
29:51Did you steal the tablet?
29:53No, I did a Nautilina, yes.
29:56Did you nick her knickers?
29:58What, knickers?
30:01The knickers in her drawer.
30:03The knickers in her...
30:05...drawer.
30:07The ones.
30:09Yeah, like this.
30:11Like this.
30:13SHE SCREAMS
30:17Nick it.
30:21Did you nick... No, you didn't nick her knickers.
30:23I nicked twice. No, I didn't.
30:25Why are you shouting at me?
30:27Next. Next question.
30:30Why are you shouting at me?
30:32You say that she's never been a sister to me,
30:34she's a bully and a troublemaker and she treats me like rubbish.
30:37In fact, the entire family have ostracised me
30:39and when I prove that I'm telling the truth today,
30:41I'm disowning them, I'm done, I don't need them.
30:44Yeah.
30:45Why is your mum here and if she... No, not why is she...
30:48I tell her by my mother, yeah.
30:50You've demanded a DNA test?
30:52Yeah, cos when I come back to my mother when I was 18,
30:55my mother told me I was not her daughter.
30:59And I think so.
31:01My own mum wished me dead,
31:03always tells me she's not my real mum, I need DNA.
31:06Her house is dirty, she's always tidying up, it's a nightmare.
31:09Basically, at the end of the day, I'm happy with...
31:12Who's that?
31:14Who's that? Shut your mouth now,
31:16cos you come on here, I swear I will bang you on.
31:19Who's...
31:21You're making threats because you don't do it correctly.
31:24Who's the lady on the left? My mother.
31:27No, that's not... Your mother's on the right, love.
31:29Who's Kirsty, then?
31:31My sister's back friend, as she says.
31:33She was running Kirsty down the...
31:35Kirsty's on the Jeremy Carr show, that one!
31:44How dare you ask your mum for a DNA test?
31:46Keep your answers, Victor, do you hear me?
31:48We're going to go over the top now, do you hear me?
31:52Let's go on now, lads.
31:55SHOUTING
31:57Get off!
31:59No, I can't do that!
32:05Shut your... mouth now, can you?
32:08I swear to God, don't even go...
32:10Try it!
32:12Stop it, don't even think about it.
32:14Sit down and shut up.
32:16No, I won't.
32:18No, you will! No, I won't!
32:20No, you will! No, I won't! Yes, you will!
32:22No, I won't! Then get off the damn stage and do one.
32:33I'm going to calm this down in here for you
32:35and get the mother and try and get her back with her small boyfriend.
32:38Don't go anywhere. Right back.
32:40Get out there and behave like a human being, OK?
32:45She sends pictures of her private parts to people.
32:49Get off!
32:51She was showing bits to the public.
32:53Get off!
32:55Get out of there!
33:03Oh, what are you doing again, are you?
33:05Have you heard the news? The NTAs are back.
33:07Oh, the NTAs. Why don't you take a promo, Jess?
33:10Cos everybody will vote for you. No, they don't.
33:1212 years, 2,000 shows, I've been abused, I've been threatened,
33:15I've been ill, everything's happened in my life,
33:17nobody gives a damn about me. You're not...
33:19Nobody's interested. I'm not...
33:21Oh, and there it is, isn't it? It's all about you.
33:24It's about Big Steve. Everybody Big Steve.
33:26Nobody gives a damn about Jess anymore.
33:28Well, do you know what? I'm going to a dark room to lie down!
33:48Mmm!
33:58The security guard on Jeremy Galshaw.
34:01Very, very butch, very manly.
34:06Protect me for a change.
34:08You like the big man, do you? I love the big man.
34:17Big Steve!
34:20Good morning, and welcome to my show.
34:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
34:36Thank you very much indeed. Welcome back for the break.
34:38Sisters at War, Lisa and Kayleigh.
34:40You understand that what happened earlier can't...
34:42Can you come with me a second, please? I don't know where Kayleigh's gone.
34:45Come on, someone.
34:48The reason for coming here is to try and...
34:50What are you standing there looking aggressive for? Sit down.
34:54The reason that we came here was to get this sorted.
34:57You say, I didn't steal the iPad, I didn't do anything.
35:00I don't believe my mother's my mother.
35:02I've always been the black sheep. Shut up.
35:04Shut up!
35:06If you carry on swearing and threatening people,
35:10we cannot prove in your mind that you're innocent.
35:13So discover what the word dignity means,
35:15get out there and behave like a human being, OK?
35:18Nicely done.
35:26What is your problem with your sister?
35:29Police.
35:30Well, you've always felt like she's lied about you. Why?
35:33Cos she always has. I just can't tell the truth.
35:35You were looking after her house and things went missing.
35:37That would put you in anybody's mind in the frame, sweetheart.
35:41Did you steal? No.
35:42Then how did you know where her tablet was hidden,
35:44behind the karaoke machine? Cos nobody else...
35:46I didn't. The tab was on the table in her kitchen, where she was...
35:51Hang on. No, shut up.
35:53Wait a minute, you told my team that only yourself knew
35:56that that tablet was hidden and when you realised that it was gone,
35:59the only person that could have done it...
36:01Cos, Jeremy, my telly's been there, yeah? What?
36:03My TV's been there. Yeah.
36:05My karaoke's been there. I had a plastic box.
36:08Behind there was my iPad.
36:11Time I went and came back on the 1st of September...
36:15Did you see me take it there?
36:17No, cos you weren't there. I was already...
36:19Kirsty, you're Lisa's friend. You say you grew up with both of them.
36:22You're shocked by this, the relationships in the toilet.
36:25You hope that Kayleigh hasn't stolen it.
36:27But the principle is disgusting. Yeah.
36:30Do you believe she's...
36:31I would not have thought she would have done it to her own sister.
36:34Do you believe she has? If she has, then I'd be shocked.
36:36But I do think she knows who has, if she has...
36:38Did you steal the tablet? No.
36:40Why are you so angry?
36:42Cos you'll be my shooter.
36:44Somebody blames it, you'll be the same.
36:46But surely there's a way to deal with it.
36:49You say, um, I will prove my innocence.
36:52You're sort of stuck in the middle, are you?
36:54Not really, no.
36:56Cos Kirsty was not in contact with the tablet at the moment.
36:59No, I wasn't around when the tablet went missing.
37:01I wasn't around.
37:03You know that your boyfriend, Jamie,
37:06Lisa told us that he told them that you stole the tablet.
37:09Jamie was not involved. Jamie's on the Jeremy Carr Show, that way.
37:20You thought she nicked it, didn't you, Jay?
37:22Ah, no, she haven't, no.
37:24Sorry? No.
37:26You told them that you thought she'd nicked it, didn't you?
37:29Oh, no, she didn't nick it.
37:31Why did you tell them you thought that she had, then?
37:33Oh, I didn't. You didn't? No.
37:37I think you did tell them that, didn't you?
37:39How long have you been with her? Three months.
37:41Three weeks? No.
37:43Have you been three weeks, Liz? No.
37:45Three months? You tell my mum, Stevie. No.
37:47Three months? No.
37:48So you must have been cheating on your mum with him?
37:50I know.
37:52Exactly.
37:53Do you know anything about my...
37:55When the tablet went missing?
37:57Yeah. So how the hell would he know anything about this?
37:59Why is he here?
38:00Cos he has...
38:01She sends pictures of her private parts to people.
38:04Who's that? It's my sister, Jay!
38:06It's my sister's on her tablet as well,
38:08so you go and shut your mouth, it's nothing to do with you, all right?
38:11Just shut your mouth. Sorry, you send...
38:13She doesn't even want Facebook. Sorry, what?
38:15She puts them all over Facebook. What?
38:17Her private parts.
38:18You send...
38:19You send pictures of your bits? No, I don't.
38:21Yes, you do. Is there anything to do with you?
38:23So you do, then? Is there anything to do with him?
38:25So you do, then? Is there anything to do with him, OK?
38:27Do you send pictures of your private parts?
38:29Yes. No.
38:30She's been with her partner 11 years.
38:32I've got two kids from my partner.
38:34Listen, I don't know about your private parts,
38:36but she says you're flashing them all over the Facebook thing.
38:39Why is your mum...? You don't think your mum's your mum?
38:41Why does that...?
38:42Cos my mum told me when I was 18, coming back to her,
38:44she was not my mother.
38:45That'll do it.
38:46Maria's on the Jeremy couch, her mother now.
38:58Don't you start being aggressive.
39:00I'm not going to talk. I know.
39:02I'm ashamed of you.
39:03Girls! Girls! Girls!
39:05Do you know my mother?!
39:07If I had, I would.
39:09Who is your mother? I don't know.
39:11What's her bloody name? I don't know her!
39:13I don't know her! I don't know her!
39:15I don't know her! Could you go and sit down?
39:17It's all right.
39:18I'm going to sit down.
39:20I'm going to sit down.
39:21How are you? I'm all right.
39:23You're ashamed of her? I'm ashamed of her.
39:25Disgrace. Disgrace.
39:27Of the way you live in.
39:29God.
39:30We were draggy like him.
39:32I was just stinking.
39:34I don't care about...
39:36I'm so proud of you!
39:38I'm so proud of you!
39:39I'm so proud of you!
39:41I'm so proud of you!
39:43I'm so proud of you!
39:45Yes, we'll do that.
39:47Shut your mouth as well, illibid.
39:50Shut your mouth as well, illibid.
39:52LAUGHTER
39:54Welcome to the show.
39:55Trying to understand what's going on.
39:57Is she your daughter?
39:58Yes, she is.
39:59Shut up. Sorry, were you there?
40:01Yes, she is.
40:02Why didn't you tell her you weren't?
40:04Well, she's lying, cos I didn't.
40:06So you did tell me when you were pegging your woman!
40:08Bring it down, Octave, a little bit!
40:11You didn't say you're my daughter!
40:13You didn't tell her, did you?
40:15LAUGHTER
40:16Could you speak a bit deeper?
40:18Seriously, sir!
40:19Seriously, sir!
40:20Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
40:22LAUGHTER
40:24What are you looking at?
40:25I'm showing bits to the public like you did,
40:29and I got proof!
40:31She was showing bits to the public?
40:33Yes, on Facebook!
40:35Yes, she is, she is!
40:36Anything to do with it?
40:37Yes, plenty to do with my daughter!
40:39Anything to do with it?
40:40No problem with me, yeah!
40:41Sorry, hold on there.
40:42Hold on, hold on.
40:43What did you just say?
40:44She was on the toilet, and me was over there,
40:46and she told me bits.
40:47Two and a quarter of her favourite bits!
40:49Anything to do with it?
40:50She's even stolen sex toys!
40:52LAUGHTER
40:54Sorry, hold on a minute.
40:55Hold on, hold on, hold on.
40:57Shut up a minute!
40:59She stole her mother's sex toys?
41:01Oh, do apologise.
41:03I can't find them in my house.
41:05What were they?
41:06Dildos!
41:07My best friend got married in July the 23rd.
41:09Does it matter?
41:10What were the sex toys?
41:11We had a handsome party, and I won the competition.
41:14What did you win?
41:15A dildo.
41:17I won the big one.
41:18Diamantes.
41:19Diamantes?
41:20Well, like a purple pulsar.
41:22Will you bring your voice down?
41:24You sound like you've got one.
41:25I can't hear a word you're going on about!
41:27That's a lie.
41:28Did you steal her sex toy?
41:30Do I want a sex toy when I've got a man?
41:33Yeah, and you robbed your sister's boyfriend at the same time!
41:37Yeah, I know!
41:38And you took my boyfriend off me!
41:40I didn't do it!
41:41I didn't do it!
41:42I didn't do it!
41:43That's what you are!
41:45I didn't do it!
41:46I didn't do it!
41:47No!
41:48You stole her boyfriend, her dildo, and her bag.
41:50What did she steal from you?
41:52I didn't steal anything off me!
41:53I won't even let that in my house!
41:55Seriously, sir!
41:56And you did!
41:57And you did!
41:58Yeah, because someone's just saying she did!
42:00And you!
42:01And you did!
42:02And you!
42:03And you!
42:04And you!
42:05And you!
42:06And you!
42:07And you!
42:08And you!
42:09And you!
42:10And you!
42:11And you!
42:12And you!
42:13And you!
42:14And you!
42:15And you!
42:16And you!
42:17Hey, ladies!
42:18Don't you move.
42:19You all right, Steve?
42:21Oh, God!
42:22I've been here before.
42:23Nursinger in the pod!
42:27Listen, we'll discover the truth, we've got to do that.
42:29That's what we came for.
42:30Come on, we came here for the truth and we want the truth!
42:33Let's stop shouting.
42:35This iPad...
42:36There is a serious side to this iPad because of those photographs, right?
42:40There's that line that you don't cross when it comes to family.
42:43Let's just go and do this and get this done, all right?
42:46Get her over with at least, come on.
42:47Yeah? Is she your daughter?
42:49Yeah. She's definitely my daughter.
42:51Go and do this together, calmly. Don't rise to it, just calm down.
42:54Give them a round of applause for that again.
42:56APPLAUSE
43:02So, two things here. One is you say your mum said...
43:04Wills, can I have the DNA, please?
43:06You say that your mum said once to you that she wasn't your mother.
43:11Maybe she might have said she wishes you weren't your daughter
43:14cos of your foul mouth.
43:15Sorry? End of esp.
43:17The DNA test results show that Maria, of course,
43:19she's your biological mother.
43:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:26So, Kayleigh, you maintain that although you were house-sitting
43:29in Lisa's house, you didn't nick anything, no?
43:32So you didn't steal the iPad,
43:35despite the fact that it was hidden in your mind
43:38where nobody would know, behind the karaoke machine
43:40next to the television, beside a plastic box.
43:42How about that for a memory, no?
43:44Shut up.
43:45You have changed your story quite a lot, haven't you?
43:48What do you mean?
43:49You've been accused of stealing the iPad, her knickers, her sex toys.
43:52Why do I want a pair of knickers when I've got a pair on?
43:55Why do I want her sex toys?
43:57They said that you don't have...
43:58Kirsty, shut your mouth, right?
43:59Kirsty said to my team, the reason you stole them
44:01is that you go through them so often you never have them on,
44:03so they need to find a pair. I don't know if that's true.
44:06You've just proven that this lady's your mother,
44:08but you say she stole your boyfriend.
44:10Yeah, I stole my...
44:13Well, when do you have three little children to look after?
44:16Me ask Kayleigh, did you steal the iPad
44:18that went missing from Lisa's house?
44:20She said no.
44:22This test says your sister's a liar.
44:24GASPING
44:27Stop! Stop!
44:29You're better.
44:31I can't! I can't!
44:33Where can you go?
44:35God forgive me.
44:37I can't look at you.
44:39On my baby's life, I can't look at you.
44:42Get off the... Do that. Get them off.
44:44Just get the hell out of here, you disgusting vile human being.
44:47LAUGHTER
44:53Listen...
44:57Those are pictures of one of...
44:59Those are pictures of a deceased nephew.
45:01Just sit down and calm down a minute. Come here.
45:03No, I'm not going anywhere, Mum.
45:06Right, listen to me. Come here.
45:08Just calm down a minute, OK?
45:11One at a time.
45:13How low can you get?
45:15That's the lowest of the low.
45:17And let me just repeat again,
45:19a lot of people that would tune in would go,
45:22it's an iPad, yeah, you steal off your own family,
45:24that's disgusting, but more than that,
45:26there were pictures there that are irreplaceable.
45:28You knew that in your heart of hearts.
45:30I tell you, it's astonishing to me.
45:32If my dad, if he was alive today,
45:35I'd have even had a picture of my dad and me together.
45:39Or my dad and me together when I was that child.
45:41I want you to do me a favour, to put closure.
45:44How low can you get?
45:46I want you to prove that you're a better person
45:48by listening to me.
45:50We, you and me, cos you're going to prove
45:52that everything that you did before was wrong.
45:54Know that you were right,
45:56and when you're right, you act in a dignified way.
45:58I knew all along.
46:00You, to finish this, are going to walk with me.
46:02You raise your voice, a shout or scream,
46:04you're gone as well.
46:06You should look her straight in the eyes and go,
46:08you're fine, and do me a favour, come here.
46:10You do not need to be anything other than dignified.
46:13Do you understand that?
46:15Do you?
46:17That is worse than that.
46:19Do you understand?
46:21Look at me.
46:23I shouldn't be doing this, so don't let me down, all right?
46:25Calmly.
46:27Promise?
46:29How would you do that?
46:31I have done it!
46:33Don't rise to it.
46:35Of course you did it, you're a thief.
46:37And you know she's a thief, because you told them before.
46:39I never stole from any of my family.
46:41You were the liar and a cheat.
46:43We come from a travelling family.
46:45Do you know what?
46:47I am ashamed to say that to my sister.
46:49It's got nothing to do with us.
46:51From today onwards,
46:53I'm going to wash my hands and my kids will never see you.
46:55You're going to ruin my daughter's speakers.
46:57She's only six years old.
46:59How sick would you do?
47:01Would you like if I'd done it to you?
47:03No.
47:05I swear.
47:07Better, better.
47:09I mean it.
47:11You know where you are.
47:13She's not worth it.
47:15You're not even big enough to confess, are you?
47:17Did you steal it?
47:19She just admitted she stole it.
47:21Don't even go there.
47:23Get out.
47:25Everybody else, get out.
47:27Who told you to get in here?
47:29Both of you, go.
47:31You admit you stole it, yeah?
47:34You're disgusting.
47:36Get her out.
47:38Get her out of my building now.
47:40Come here.
47:42She admitted it.
47:44Get her smug face and her little boyfriend's chops
47:46off my television screen.
47:48Listen to me.
47:52Like I said, that's disgusting and it's low.
47:54She's omitted it.
47:56Not much lower.
47:58Listen, whatever family you come from,
48:00there's a line you don't cross and she just crossed it.
48:02What you do is you don't make threats,
48:04you don't try and get even,
48:06you keep your head down and she will be judged
48:08by a lot of people for what she is, all right?
48:10I'm sorry.
48:12That's the truth, all right?
48:14Listen.
48:16Go that way.
48:18Give them a round of applause.
48:26Well, good morning.
48:28I feel I've been right through the ring.
48:30If you're on the show and you need my help,
48:32visit our website, the details are on screen.
48:34To my guests, to this audience and to you four at home,
48:36you know who you are. I'll see you very soon.
48:38Take care. Bye-bye for now.
48:40APPLAUSE