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00:00Oh, you're wearing the t-shirt?
00:02I am the Shed Man.
00:04Oh, that is class.
00:05It actually looks really well, doesn't it?
00:07It's a lovely t-shirt. I must wear that to the pub the weekend.
00:09That would actually be very good.
00:11The boys will get a kick out of that now.
00:12The lads will get a kick out of that.
00:14I have 11 sheds out the back and I just keep looking at them.
00:16Because I love them.
00:21Oh, be gently!
00:27Stop asking why and just move!
00:30Jesus.
00:32So it must be true.
00:34Oh, no, leave him alone, leave him alone.
00:36An adventurous baby.
00:38Take him a bit more...
00:40It's brilliant.
00:42She's a savage.
00:50In the week when Ireland bid a fond farewell
00:52to our one-time Italia 94
00:54Toto Scalacci,
00:56we watched loads of Great Town.
01:00On Monday, E4 had us celebrating
01:02some more surprise nuptials.
01:06Oh, this is going to be car crash TV.
01:08Oh, my God.
01:10Oh, my God, he's a minger.
01:14RTÉ One shocked us
01:16with a trip to a Dublin suburb on Thursday.
01:22I could already feel my blood pressure
01:24going to mini-stroke level.
01:26And Netflix took us house hunting
01:28with some reality show Realtors.
01:30Bread still.
01:32It's meaningful to me that we can have
01:34the funeral at your house.
01:36Who died? Look up rip.ie there, will you?
01:44And how are you finding doing the guitar now
01:46because you've got PlayStation fingers?
01:48They grow for cheese.
01:50Yeah, it's good, like...
01:52Oh, my God!
01:54It's all right because...
01:56What the hell?
01:58Look at the curve on them.
02:00How is he going to play the guitar?
02:02I don't know.
02:04I'm good. No, it's good.
02:06Like, it's easy to play the guitar.
02:08Think you're going to be up on stage, do you?
02:10Yeah.
02:12Don't forget, I'm your mother.
02:14I'm your number one.
02:16What are you? The love of what?
02:18Love of your life.
02:20You're the love of my life.
02:22Oh, my God.
02:24This is a new show from a couple of old pals.
02:26Tension.
02:28Oh, my God.
02:30And pressure.
02:32Oh, my life.
02:34As we climb higher up the ladder than ever before.
02:36Even up to millions?
02:38Yes.
02:40I'm Ant, he's Dec, so please welcome your hosts,
02:42Ant and Dec.
02:44Are these the only people who fucking work in England?
02:46Ant or Dec?
02:48The show introduced us to a couple of savvy sisters
02:50hoping to score a big cash prize.
02:55They scrub up well, they look good.
02:57They're fucking in bits, will you stop?
02:59OK, ladies, are you both ready?
03:01Yes. Very best of luck.
03:03Yes, we're ready.
03:05Tracey, how many brothers are there in the pop band The Jonas Brothers?
03:07Two. Three.
03:09Two. Three.
03:11Ah, but they have a fourth one they don't really like.
03:13But he's not in the band. Four. Three.
03:15What is the sum of all the numbers on a standard roulette wheel?
03:17Ah, fuck.
03:19What's a roulette wheel? 184.
03:21666. What?
03:24The highest number officially recognised B vitamin is B what?
03:26What? 12.
03:2812.
03:30Too late. 12 is right, but you were just out of time.
03:32Just.
03:34Ah, lads, you should have given that to her.
03:36Ah, come on, Jesus.
03:38She said it on the team.
03:40So you start this evening with 20 lives,
03:42which means you can now take on the Limitless Ladder.
03:44So there's 20 lives to get all the way up the board.
03:46If you go under the exact answer,
03:48you will lose some of those lives.
03:50What?
03:53But if you give an exact answer,
03:55you'll bank the cash
03:57and you get five extra lives.
03:59This is very bloody confusing, isn't it?
04:01I'm so perplexed.
04:03I like this show. Simple.
04:05How many letters long is the surname
04:07of the actor Arnold Schwarzenegger?
04:0913. Oh, Jesus.
04:1112.
04:13S-C-H.
04:15W.
04:17S-C.
04:19There's two Zs in it.
04:2110.
04:25You're locked in. 13.
04:27Still in the game. Still in the game.
04:29I don't really understand the whole thing,
04:31but they're still in the game.
04:33No. Oh, it's not.
04:35What the fuck is this?
04:37This is the exact answer.
04:39S-C-H.
04:41It was a double G.
04:43It doesn't look that long when you're watching them in a film.
04:45You have just banked £100,000.
04:47Oh, my God.
04:50What would you do with £100,000?
04:52I'd put it into the other £100,000 that I have in the bank.
04:54You don't have £100,000.
04:56You wouldn't give me a fiver. I don't mind £100,000.
04:58On a packet of bird's-eye codfish fingers,
05:01what is the maximum baking time in minutes?
05:05This is your department.
05:07Well, because I'm a woman, I should always cook fish fingers.
05:09No, you're always cooking fish finger sandwiches and everything.
05:11Do you think eight's a safe bet?
05:13I think eight, at this point in the game.
05:15Girls, what are you cooking in an incinerator?
05:17You can't cook fish fingers in eight minutes. Surely you can.
05:20Do you want to take it down to seven? Yeah.
05:22Take it down to seven.
05:24Seven minutes. Five minutes.
05:26No, there's no way fish fingers only take five minutes.
05:28Well, if they were frozen, you could...
05:30Well, you'd have to suck them, don't you, to time out?
05:32How many lives are we losing?
05:37Uh-oh, their lives have gone down.
05:39That's how far out they are, look.
05:41Who's deciding how many lives they lose?
05:43I don't know. I don't know. It doesn't make any sense.
05:45I just want to know how long you cooked fish fingers for now.
05:47I'm obsessed.
05:49Oh, no, no, no, no.
05:51Eight. So I get it.
05:53So the more steps off they are, the more lives they lose.
05:56The exact answer was...
05:58..15 minutes. Told you!
06:00Next up is a quarter of a million pounds.
06:03They're just feeling their way to a quarter of a million.
06:06This makes no sense.
06:08In athletics, the baton that is passed between runners
06:12in a relay race has a maximum length of how many centimetres?
06:17Who knows that?
06:19I'm going to say... What are you saying? I'm saying 25.
06:21I couldn't give a shit. It's about eight inches, innit?
06:24Cash out. Are you sure? Are you sure?
06:27£750,000 is £50,000.
06:29You've got to press it!
06:33What, have they done it? I was too busy counting.
06:35What is happening? I don't know what's going on.
06:37I don't understand this show.
06:41£100,000!
06:44£50,000 each.
06:46We're not going to let you go until we find out what the exact answer was.
06:49OK.
06:51Wow. That's only about 30 centimetres.
06:54There. Not even that, there.
06:56Yeah.
07:03Innit, I?
07:05I don't understand this big team with pasta, cos...
07:07I love pasta.
07:09There's no taste of it.
07:13If you make it right, there's a taste of it.
07:15Yeah, rubber. No.
07:17Yeah, cos it's rank. You just...
07:19No.
07:21It's like saying there's no taste of potatoes.
07:23There is. Exactly.
07:25It's a nice creamy butter... Because you season them.
07:27Yeah. Pasta, no.
07:29Potatoes, without the flipping seasoning...
07:31Well, they're lovely on their own.
07:33No, you won't get a taste of them properly.
07:35Any way, shape, form. Chipped them.
07:37Boiled them. Steamed them.
07:39Mashed them.
07:41Oh, it's just... Oh, yeah. Heaven.
07:43On Monday night,
07:45Virgin Media 1 kept us guessing
07:47as their brand-new drama
07:49came to a thrilling conclusion.
07:51Sally, she was attacked last night.
07:55The woman got attacked.
07:57It was on my way home, so I thought I'd take a look.
07:59Did you see anyone else there?
08:01Did you see anyone else there around?
08:03It's an Irish accent. It's so aggressive.
08:05I just find, somehow, when you do an ordinary Irish accent,
08:07it feels racist.
08:09It's not.
08:11Michael, pick up.
08:13Andrew ran off and...
08:15can't find him.
08:19She looks a shame.
08:21Yeah.
08:23No, he killed her while in the hospital.
08:25I hope not. Well, she's flatlining.
08:27She is, isn't she?
08:29Truce.
08:31Kathy and her husband, Ramey,
08:33spent some relaxing time at home.
08:37Calm up.
08:39Oh, my God, there's nothing like getting that call.
08:41She's not even getting a call. It's on the news.
08:43The woman has been named locally
08:45as teacher Sally Bowman,
08:47who last week was the victim of a serious assault
08:49after a night out in her hometown.
08:51I'm going to say the son did it,
08:53but in the end, the dad takes the rap.
08:55Yeah, good call.
08:57Yeah.
08:59I'd love to have been a detective.
09:01You'd be a really good detective. I'd love it.
09:03Yeah. I'd love it. And do you know what it is?
09:05Because you can't let anything go.
09:07I can't? You can't.
09:09You'll get to the bottom of something. I don't know.
09:11Is that a compliment or a dig?
09:15For the record, screen is displaying
09:17CCTV University Hospital,
09:19entrance area. Do you accept that the person
09:21seen here entering the hospital is you?
09:25No comment. No comment, he said.
09:27What's it called, that?
09:29He plead the fifth.
09:31Doesn't work with the wife, though.
09:33You re-entered the hospital,
09:35located Mrs Bowman's room,
09:37took a pillow and smothered her with it.
09:39Bastard.
09:41No comment.
09:43No comment.
09:45If you were in for more than...
09:49After Michael's release, we saw Cathy
09:51have a quiet moment alone.
09:57If he pops up against this window now,
09:59I'm going to get a heart attack.
10:01Is there someone in the back garden?
10:03I can't see.
10:05Fuck off!
10:07Oh, he's at the window.
10:09Oh, that's real creepy.
10:15Why wasn't the door locked?
10:17That's protocol when it's night time,
10:19you lock your door.
10:21Don't try and kill each other.
10:23There's a pool table there.
10:25That's a tree.
10:31He has her by the throat!
10:33Kick him in the balls!
10:35Put your thumbs into his eyes.
10:37Why would you do this?
10:39Why would you ruin my life?
10:41Don't fucking start kissing now,
10:43that'd annoy me.
10:45Some people are into that kinky thing.
10:47Because you killed my brother!
10:49And I begged for it!
10:56And I murdered your friend.
10:58It was him!
11:00He's only saying that to protect his son.
11:02No, that's too easy.
11:11Oh my God!
11:13I knew Jesus wanted to find God in this place!
11:15Oh my God!
11:17What the fuck, I wasn't expecting fucking God!
11:19Shut up!
11:21It's like the Merchant of Venice.
11:26That's a ruined door now.
11:28It's going to look like she killed him, Dad.
11:32How the fuck did she explain that to the guards
11:34when they come round?
11:39I'd have a glass myself, but not the time.
11:47He's alive!
11:49This is turning more and more into a horror movie, isn't it?
11:51I know.
11:56Do you know what I never understand?
11:58When people get smothered by bags,
12:00why not just poke a little hole where your mouth is?
12:02Coffee!
12:04Coffee!
12:06Coffee!
12:08Hey, sir, husband, home and home.
12:10How are you, love? Is the dinner ready?
12:12What the fuck?
12:14What kind of fucked up?
12:16The show's final scene saw the happy couple
12:18enjoy a meal together.
12:20If you could just put those memories in a box
12:22and tape it shut.
12:25You put it in the shed
12:27and then...
12:30day by day...
12:32What is that?
12:34It's a hand.
12:37..you'll gradually
12:39forget.
12:41There's his body in there. Yeah.
12:43Now, if you were married to someone
12:45and they were being, like, accused of murdering someone,
12:48would you stick by them or would you go against them?
12:51Well, it wasn't that I'm married to her, so...
13:07In Dun Laoghaire...
13:09My Instagram ad algorithm
13:12attacked me the other day.
13:14..friends, David and John...
13:17With this exercise,
13:20for pelvic floor muscle exercises for men.
13:23When I got the ad,
13:25I was immediately, like,
13:27we don't have a pelvic floor.
13:29No, I thought it was her sphincter.
13:31Which isn't a pelvic floor.
13:33Do we need to exercise that now?
13:35Does that get loose, the odour that you get?
13:37Oh! More gay dread.
13:39This man was telling me
13:41that I need to look after my pelvic floor.
13:44And, look, if there's one thing culture has taught us,
13:47it's that we should always trust strange men off the internet
13:50and what they say. Yeah.
13:52Yeah, I mean, look... Was he in your DMs by any chance,
13:54or was it an ad?
13:58On Thursday, a documentary on RTE1
14:01pulled back the curtain on the shocking reality
14:04of Ireland's recent past.
14:06It's been a year of protests like no other.
14:09Pussies! Pussies! Pussies!
14:12Pussies! Pussies! Pussies!
14:14Amid mounting concerns about record numbers of asylum seekers
14:17arriving in Ireland.
14:19Oh, look at the tricolour. Abused.
14:22But how does it get from this...
14:25..to this?
14:26That's dreadful.
14:27People are fighting for their country,
14:29but I can see the two sides.
14:31I get it. There is people with genuine concerns.
14:35But the crowd that are going out doing that
14:38are not the people with the genuine concerns.
14:44Oh, this is going to boil my piss.
14:46Yeah, I could already feel my blood pressure
14:48going to mini-stroke level.
14:50Back in March, a campaign was under way to block this site,
14:53which has been earmarked for asylum seekers in Culloch.
14:56We've welcomed many a nationality into this country.
14:59But there's more Irish all around the world
15:01than there is in our own small island. Yeah.
15:03Not everyone was happy to see us here.
15:06Are you happy with your reception here?
15:08It's just an excuse to spread misinformation
15:11and slap journalism on it.
15:13Just let him film.
15:15The man who intervenes is Joe O'Shea, a local resident.
15:19I want to know what's coming in today,
15:21because that's another town getting built in there.
15:23Not being transparent, maybe, is nice to locals.
15:27Asylum seekers here are being constructed as dangerous others.
15:31Communities are calling for consultation.
15:34I think we do need more dialogue in this area
15:40in relation to the issue of migration more generally.
15:43That's fair. There should always be open dialogue.
15:46The concerns raised by Joe O'Shea and other protesters
15:49about what they term as illegal migrants
15:52is a reference to the number of asylum seekers
15:54who arrive without passports.
15:57But at the same time, these are people fleeing war.
16:00No, I know. Do you know?
16:01The Department of Justice told us that it's unable to say
16:04how many asylum applicants presented without passports.
16:07But the problem out there is all these men,
16:10illegal, undocumented men, they're letting in.
16:13But I'm telling you now, if my country went into war or danger,
16:16I'd bungle my kids into another country for safety.
16:20Later, the dock took us back to Coolock
16:23as the protest began to take an ominous turn.
16:27At 3am, Garda public order units
16:29begin clearing the camp at the side entrance.
16:32The 100-day-old blockade is removed within minutes.
16:36But, like, does it also not kind of highlight
16:38an absolute naivety from the guards?
16:40Like, if they were to dissemble that encampment
16:42and think that nothing would happen?
16:44Protesters have arrived,
16:45but the Garda presence here has been scaled back.
16:48You're a dirty, filthy nigger, you!
16:52Ooh!
16:53She never used the N-word. Never.
16:56None of these are wanted, you dirty, filthy bastards!
17:00Can you ever, ever imagine your mouth ever saying those words?
17:04You big, black, Nigerian bastard! You toll molester!
17:08There's other ways around this,
17:10other than slagging people off and violence.
17:14That's not slagging, Tracey, that's violence.
17:16That's... There's other ways around it.
17:19Well, listen...
17:23Racism is on the increase, and I hate to say it,
17:25and I always said it wasn't.
17:27I thought we were a great place to live.
17:30At the reception area,
17:31a man smashes the car-rear window with a pole.
17:34Fuck!
17:37Like, have the guards not shown up at this stage?
17:39No, they had pulled it back.
17:41He then throws the six-foot pole
17:43and it strikes a security guard on the head.
17:46Jesus, it felt like he was throwing that at us.
17:49He's barely conscious...
17:52..and his eyes are rolling in his head.
17:57Oh, God, the police thought they were going to show it to us.
18:00I didn't realise it was this bad.
18:02Outside, his stretcher is met by jeers.
18:05Get him out!
18:07I'm sure they can't put asylum seekers in there now,
18:09if that's what's going to be going on.
18:11Jesus, it's probably due to them, yeah.
18:14The public order unit arrived at the scene
18:16at 1pm that afternoon.
18:18Arrest the whole fecking lot of them.
18:25I guarantee you've been here now for...
18:28..most of them don't give a fuck about the immigrants.
18:32They just want to be in trouble and cause hassle.
18:39These people belong to a small but influential fringe
18:42within the protest movement, but they're gaining ground.
18:46You'd wonder how it'll all end, wouldn't you?
18:50But I would resist reducing it to a public order element.
18:53There is a very large amount of people
18:57which feel very disenfranchised and cannot be ignored.
19:01It's such a shame, in a way, that, like, I look at the tricolour now
19:04and it gives me anxiety.
19:06If I'm out at a march and I see a tricolour flying,
19:10I automatically presume there's some hate motivation behind it.
19:17In the Liberties...
19:19Do you have a dose of Divine Mercy with Ginny and I?
19:21No, I don't. At three o'clock every day?
19:23..friends, Tracy and Anita.
19:25She's the most religious dog I ever came across in my life.
19:28Very religious dog.
19:29Do you remember Mike Henney went over for Communion?
19:31Yeah. She goes to mass all the time.
19:33Coming out and giving out that the dog was in the church.
19:35Yeah. No, Jack goes to mass religiously.
19:37No, I know that, yeah.
19:38Don't you?
19:39I don't reckon that'll make her Communion, Anna.
19:42She'd be lovely in a frock.
19:45It's gone very commercialised now, it's all about the money.
19:48Is she christened? Yeah.
19:50She got christened at the statue.
19:52Yeah, so did Mike Henney.
19:54They'd be good if they didn't get christened,
19:56but cats are afraid of water.
19:58Last Monday, we tuned in to Channel 4
20:00to witness the return of everyone's favourite wedding show.
20:04All across the UK...
20:06I know true love is out there for me.
20:08They pair these people up and they get married,
20:11like, they've never met each other and they get married
20:13on, like, the first date, essentially.
20:15..22 brave singles are taking an astonishing leap of faith.
20:20True love means everything. I hope that she is the one.
20:23Oh, this is going to be car crash TV, innit?
20:28Love married at foresight,
20:30because I think they have goddamned some balls to do that.
20:36In the episode, we followed Christina's attempts
20:39to find a shortcut to long-term love.
20:41Oh, God, I just want to put on that skirt a bit.
20:43Animals has always, like, been my thing,
20:45and I set up my own dog walking business.
20:48What's a dog walker?
20:50She walks dogs. Oh, right.
20:52Due to my caring nature, like, I can be taken advantage of.
20:56Who's you, Emma?
20:59I like a guy who is adventurous, fun.
21:05He has a chicken!
21:08I absolutely love music. I've got a piano.
21:12Ah, he's a lovely set of ganaches, isn't he?
21:14He seems, like, a nice, genuine lad, doesn't he?
21:18I'm very close to my mum. I'll tell her absolutely anything.
21:21And the night I lost my virginity, I came home and told her.
21:24You're going to be like that with me, aren't you?
21:26You're going to tell your mother everything.
21:28He's a bit eccentric as well. They probably would suit, I'd say.
21:33So, I just want your advice on something,
21:35because if I do this thing at the wedding
21:37and they say they're going to go really well,
21:39I'm going to be divorced straight away.
21:42No!
21:43Oh, no, that's not a good idea.
21:45Oh, yeah, well...
21:48Well, it's supposed to be a serious thing, you know what I mean?
21:50Getting married and meeting someone for the first time.
21:52I agree with his friend.
21:53I think it's just a joke.
21:55Yeah, be a woman, she might just get there, you know?
21:57The year can say bye-bye.
22:03Don't do it.
22:04Does he have the teeth?
22:05Son, don't do it.
22:06No!
22:07I know.
22:08Oh, no, why?
22:13Oh, my God, he's a minger.
22:15No, don't do that!
22:18Like a lizard.
22:23Oh, my God.
22:24Oh, my God, take them out.
22:26Are you all right?
22:27No, don't, please take them out.
22:29Take them out.
22:30Oh, my God.
22:31Oh, my God.
22:32Oh, my God.
22:33Oh, my God.
22:34Oh, my God.
22:35Take them out.
22:36Oh, please take them out.
22:37Take them out.
22:44He's like a hole puncher for fucking four sheets.
22:49Oh, you look petrified.
22:54He's so fucking...
22:56You look so...
22:58I'm so sorry.
23:00She likes him, Tracy.
23:01Sorry, but I can't watch this.
23:03It's not jaws, Neil.
23:04It's two tick people getting married without knowing each other.
23:07I now declare you to be joined together as husband and wife.
23:13You're actually getting married and you've never even met her.
23:15Yeah.
23:16That's the concept of the show, Ted.
23:18Ciarán, you may kiss your bride.
23:21Thank you very much.
23:25You're getting emotional.
23:26I know.
23:27There's something wrong with you.
23:29Later, we were teary-eyed as crooner Ciarán
23:32prepared one more romantic gesture for his new bride.
23:36Do you know what?
23:37They might go the whole way.
23:38Do you get married again, no?
23:39Didn't, I would not.
23:41That washing down and cooking and cleaning.
23:43Where you going?
23:44Where you going?
23:45What time you be back at?
23:46What's for dinner?
23:47Fuck all.
23:49Oh.
23:50I'm going to sing you a song, babe.
23:51Oh, Jesus, no.
23:53I'm going to sing.
23:54Sometimes in our lives we get a little bit sad.
23:58He hasn't an oat in his body.
23:59No, no, no.
24:00Along with all the jokes and farts
24:03I promise to take care of your heart
24:06I'll make you laugh until you piss
24:09And then after that you can take a shit on my chest
24:13What?
24:14Good God.
24:15And if you're worried about the mess
24:20I'm choking.
24:21I'll wear a vest
24:23I don't know what to do for the honeymoon now.
24:26Go away from me.
24:27Go away from me.
24:29Would you do it all again?
24:31Yeah, I think I would.
24:32Probably.
24:33We're 16 years in now.
24:34So four years time, maybe 20 years
24:36to renew the vows and stuff like that.
24:39That'd be nice.
24:41There'd be a lot of people that was at the first wedding
24:43that wouldn't be invited to the second one, though.
24:46Oh, Jesus, I tell you that.
24:58In Donegal...
25:00I was going past the chapel one day.
25:02There was very few cars at the 11 o'clock mass.
25:05Sisters, Barbara and Janet.
25:08There's fewer and fewer people going to mass now, you notice?
25:11Yeah, but the 7 o'clock mass on a Saturday night
25:13you cannot park in the chapel grounds or in the town.
25:16And I'm very, very sorry.
25:17You can't tell me that, oh, I went to mass on the Sunday.
25:21Sunday is a Sabbath, not Saturday.
25:24Why would you go to mass on a Saturday night?
25:26Sabbath is for other religions.
25:29To make it up is to go fucking along.
25:31On Thursday, the news on Virgin Media 1
25:34brought us this round-up of a busy few days in the Midlands.
25:38Now, it's over for another year.
25:40The annual outdoor extravaganza
25:42that is the National Plowing Championship.
25:44I've never been to the plowing.
25:45And it's always very close by to us, but I've never been.
25:47I went once.
25:48And that was enough.
25:49Now, Sir Paul, are the organisers happy
25:51with how this year's championship went?
25:53Rat niska.
25:55We're in the name of fuck.
25:56Yeah, so, Colette, overall figures show
25:58that 244,000 people attended over the three days.
26:02244,000!
26:04That's three Taylor Swifts.
26:05I'd love to go down to it.
26:07But here, I will go down there and be flooded.
26:09One of Europe's largest outdoor events
26:11featuring thousands of exhibitors
26:13with everything from farming to fashion.
26:15It's huge. It looks like a natural picnic.
26:17We should go some year.
26:18I swear to God, I would go down with you,
26:20just for the crack.
26:21I would definitely go down.
26:22Next year? Seriously? For a day?
26:24Yeah.
26:25Road trip.
26:26How long does it take?
26:27And how long of a drive?
26:28It's in Leash.
26:29Where's Leash?
26:30An hour and a half?
26:31No, it's longer.
26:33Where's Leash?
26:34It's that way, isn't it?
26:35Up.
26:36Or is it down?
26:37I should know this from that board game,
26:38Discover Ireland.
26:39I used to love that.
26:40Is that the one we had little roadblocks on?
26:42Yeah.
26:43That was cool.
26:44That's how we learned all the counties.
26:45Yeah.
26:46It's fantastic to say thank you to the farmers
26:48for what they've done.
26:49How many farmer's journals do you have to collect
26:51to get the hat?
26:52The 2024 winner of the brown bread competition is...
26:57Do you know when Americans talk about Ireland
27:01and Guinness and potatoes,
27:03and then they probably Google it,
27:05and then they see shit like that?
27:06A brown bread competition.
27:08What's your problem?
27:09Rose.
27:10Yeah!
27:14Oh, she's got lovely baking hands.
27:16Look at the hands.
27:17Hi.
27:18Proper baker's hands.
27:19There was also another big competition today
27:21with Rose Egan from Offaly winning the national award
27:24for the best brown bread.
27:26You should have went and entered into this.
27:28Your brown bread is unreal.
27:29100%, I think you should go into that competition,
27:32the brown bread competition.
27:33I think you should.
27:34Next year.
27:35Flabbergasted.
27:36I never expected to win it.
27:38Did she win a car?
27:39Look how happy that lady is.
27:41Managing Director Anna Mae McHugh
27:43was on hand to congratulate the winner.
27:45She's the owner of the Plough and Championships.
27:47How do you own the Plough and Championships?
27:49She started it.
27:50And it started very small in 1931.
27:52She started in 1931.
27:54Yeah, she's 140.
27:56Over at the innovation arena at Enterprise Ireland,
27:59the latest developments in farming for future generations.
28:03What?
28:04Where'd that go?
28:05I think I'd be a very good farmer.
28:07I'd love to own my own land.
28:08You'd be great because, first of all,
28:10you'd be up before the cows.
28:11Yeah, absolutely.
28:12So that's half the battle.
28:13You're awake anyway.
28:14Then you'd just open their eyes,
28:15be like, what's that underneath?
28:16They'd be pulling their teeth.
28:18And Joan would be like, what are you doing?
28:20I'm not awake yet, I haven't consented.
28:28In Tipperary...
28:30No.
28:31The man with the big belly.
28:33I'm going to have to do something about it, Dad.
28:35I can't do anything about it.
28:37Anastasia and her dad, Noel.
28:40We're going to have to go walking, the two of us.
28:42Yeah, we'll do a lot of things.
28:44I'll get you one of them smartwatches
28:46and we can track your steps.
28:48Do you not want to shift the bit of weight?
28:50No.
28:51I like the weight.
28:53Why, because you're able to rest the yoghurts on your stomach?
28:56Yeah.
28:57Don't remind me I have a yoghurt outside to eat.
28:59Oh, you do actually, it's in the fridge.
29:01You broke a KitKat into it, did you?
29:03I love it.
29:04Nice.
29:05Yesterday, a moving documentary on RTÉ One
29:08started by showing us a very shocking statistic.
29:14Dead, Jesus.
29:15If it's one in ten, the odds are every single one of them
29:18knows somebody who's died by suicide.
29:20E.J. Donoghue, 17 years old.
29:22We're talking about a national crisis.
29:24There's so many travellers taking their own lives.
29:26See, the whole travelling community is so marginalised over here.
29:29Before, people have a chance to really grieve one person.
29:34These are the suicides you never hear about.
29:37Because they're travellers, do you know what I mean?
29:40Eamon McDonagh, 25 years old.
29:42Thomas McDonagh, 17 years old.
29:44Katie Ryan, 15 years old.
29:46Jesus Christ.
29:48Babies so young, like...
29:50Patrick McDonagh, 12 years old.
29:54Oh, my God, he's only a child.
29:56A baby, yeah.
29:58How do you comprehend something like that?
30:00You don't.
30:02What went so tragically wrong?
30:04Everyone loved him so much
30:06and he didn't realise how much he was loved.
30:08She's the last child.
30:10Devastated of the world.
30:12Happy birthday to Patrick!
30:15Happy birthday to you!
30:17Why is a child even thinking of that at that age?
30:20That's so scary.
30:22I just thought he was so happy.
30:24You wonder what was going through his head.
30:26And then you've got them...
30:28How do you catch it?
30:30Look!
30:32Look at my jacket, I tipped it!
30:34Right, where's your jacket now? You're getting ready?
30:36It must be very hard to, like, pick up the pieces
30:38when you've got other children.
30:40He was, like, my, like, best friend.
30:42I miss him.
30:46Ah, that poor child.
30:48I miss him.
30:50I miss him.
30:52Poor child.
30:54Jesus, terrible.
30:58It's heartbreaking looking at his books
31:00and that's a fact of good God it is.
31:02All I'm looking for is just a message.
31:05No-one knows what's going on inside anybody else's head,
31:08do they?
31:10We have this little stick man.
31:12Like, I don't know, it's like he's on his own
31:15and he's crying.
31:17So he's just depressed, the child?
31:19There could have been something going on in school, you know?
31:22Even though we don't want to find out,
31:24but we do want to know, we want answers, like, you know?
31:27I'm afraid, son, you won't get answers.
31:32We didn't get any answers.
31:34No.
31:38Catch it, catch it, can't even move that one, it's too stiff.
31:42Watch, look at it.
31:44Go on, my man, go on.
31:46Seems like a nice family day, like they're all together.
31:49Came here to the house, so I got everything ready to do with dinner.
31:52Boy, I said to Patrick, I said,
31:54what do you want to eat, son?
31:56He says, what do you want, chips and all?
31:58And he goes, oh, Mummy, just chips and red sauce.
32:00I said to Leona, just call Patrick for his food.
32:06And I heard a scream.
32:08Oh, my God.
32:11I knew there was something wrong, but I didn't know what.
32:15Oh, God.
32:17Leona was just screaming.
32:23They brought me to hospital.
32:25When I got there, they brought me to the little room.
32:31They told us we lost him.
32:34How angry would you be?
32:36I would just actually, I would, like, tear the world in, I swear to God.
32:39I wouldn't be able to cope.
32:41I'm no good with phones.
32:43We didn't pass any notice of the phones.
32:45But when he passed away, we started taking notice of the phones,
32:48started realising it was the phone, it was the phone.
32:51It was a proxy phone.
32:53Oh, lads.
32:56He was hiding stuff where he was being bullied.
32:58I never told us.
33:00That's terrible. He didn't deserve that.
33:02That's shocking. It is shocking.
33:04We can see why the government now, they're trying to bring in
33:06banning phones for definitely primary-skill children,
33:09even up to 14, 16.
33:11They left him feel like he had nobody or no-one to turn to.
33:14They took everything away from him.
33:16You see, if he was getting it on the phone,
33:18there was no break for the chap. Ever. Ever.
33:21For me, like, mentally, just watching, like, social media,
33:26like, fucks with my head so much.
33:29I can't imagine being that age and not kind of,
33:32and being brought up that way, thinking this is the only way, like...
33:36Later, we watched as Patrick's parents attempted to come to terms
33:40with the loss of their beloved son.
33:43It's going on ten past two in the morning,
33:46and we're going to do Darkness Into Light for our son Patrick.
33:49I remember the very first one we ever did.
33:52It was a bit, it was kind of eerie, but everywhere you looked,
33:56you're just looking at people that have been touched by suicide.
34:00We're holding a lot of pain by losing Patrick.
34:03We all have the same pain.
34:06One woman said there as we were walking, she says,
34:09it's a new day, and I felt different when she said it, you know?
34:13I felt like there is, there is reasons,
34:16there is days to keep on going, you know?
34:18When it happens to somebody in your family,
34:21the amount of people that come to you, and you never know.
34:25They've touched their family.
34:27That's what shocked me most. Yeah.
34:31I'm delighted we've done this for Patrick,
34:33and not just Patrick, for everybody, for all the children and adults out there
34:38that's feeling sore inside, just, we can fix it, you know?
34:42Just talk and we can fix it.
34:44It's all you need to do is talk.
34:47That was a tough watch.
34:49It's not right.
34:51She'll never get over it. God help her.
34:53Oh, no, never for it.
34:54We might say a prayer for her over the next few days.
34:57Yeah. Yeah.
35:00I think the hardest part about it is when someone's sick,
35:05and they pass, you can always kind of be like, oh...
35:08There's a reason for it?
35:10Like they're not in pain anymore, like... Yeah.
35:15There's always the, what if...
35:30In Cork...
35:32I was minding my own business, right?
35:35In the shower, having a ball.
35:37Dale and her wife, Dawn.
35:40I was like an eel, like, hairless from eyebrow down, right?
35:45And then, like, let me pick up the shampoo.
35:48Let me pick up the shampoo to wash my hair.
35:50Oh! I also told you.
35:53When? In the morning when I wasn't paying attention?
35:55No, I told you the whole time.
35:57In the morning when I wasn't paying attention.
35:58No, I told you the week before I was going, I'm taking the shampoo.
36:01And you go, yeah, yeah, of course you are.
36:03Do you want to know the best part?
36:04What? I never use the shampoo.
36:08On Thursday, Channel 4 recruited us
36:11for a brand new episode of this brand new series.
36:15In this series...
36:16All the way!
36:17..15 celebrity recruits...
36:19This is me.
36:20This is my team.
36:22And, shut up!
36:23..have been taken to the other side of the world.
36:26I love the guy that does the voiceover.
36:28He sounds like he'd fucking headbutt you.
36:30They'll be put through the most gruelling stages
36:33of SAS selection.
36:35Now, the fun question where every celebrity show
36:37is wondering who any of them are.
36:42I've got to finish making this shite.
36:44Do you do something like that?
36:46I love that.
36:47What?!
36:49In the show, we were introduced
36:51to The Only Way Is Essex star Bobby Norris.
36:54Shut up!
36:55Einstein once said,
36:57nothing comfortable comes from comfort zones.
37:00He also said, life is a rollercoaster,
37:03you've just got to ride it.
37:04I thought Ryan Keaton said that.
37:06Does he ever say a wisdom note, does he?
37:08So, last time, I gave it the Barry Big Bollocks
37:11and I jumped out of a helicopter
37:12and knocked myself unconscious
37:14and I broke a couple of ribs.
37:15I'd say he stinks of rollies that close.
37:18How do you know?
37:19Because he's always parped
37:20and every time he's parped, he's always smoking.
37:22Yeah, but if you were always parped,
37:23you'd always be eating fucking crisps.
37:25Turn around.
37:28Oh, my God.
37:29Wowzer.
37:30Uh-oh.
37:33I'm cramping me fucking leg.
37:35The recruits must traverse two parallel bars
37:39suspended 335 feet
37:42above the Canyon River.
37:47Fuck.
37:48I'm going to put my balls on the table and do it.
37:50Yeah, but they're suspended.
37:52Damn.
37:53Do I make great TV?
37:54Move forward to the edge.
37:55Stand on the edge.
37:56I'm trying, I'm trying.
37:57Stand on the edge!
37:58I'm trying, Steve.
37:59I can't stand up.
38:00Will you fucking walk?
38:02You're doing two completely different things.
38:04Well, coordinate the fucking things
38:05before I come over there and throw you off.
38:10Right.
38:12Fail.
38:13No.
38:14Catastrophic fail.
38:17Oh, they fouled him.
38:18What, really?
38:19My God, some of them are going to be capped up
38:21with the buoyancy of their lips.
38:22Do you know that?
38:23They'll go in the water there.
38:24They'll all just be floating like that.
38:27For their next task,
38:28the DS have designed a scenario
38:30where the recruits will have to make
38:32a life-or-death decision.
38:34Let's keep the gaps closed up.
38:37They're so fucking angry at them.
38:38Yeah.
38:39I'd say you'd be standing there farting
38:40like a good thing.
38:41Attempting the hostage rescue...
38:43OK, take your earplugs out
38:44if you've got them in.
38:45Just listen to me for a minute.
38:46..is number five, reality TV star Pete Wicks.
38:49Oh, my God.
38:50Could you imagine you're a hostage in a war zone
38:53and bloody Pete Wicks comes up
38:55and tries to lift you and save you?
38:57I'd just go,
38:58put a bullet in me, Pete.
38:59I'm dead.
39:00Get in there! Get in there!
39:01Get in there!
39:02Get in there!
39:03As they enter the building,
39:05they must correctly identify the hostage
39:07whose hands abound
39:10and then act decisively
39:11to deal with the terrorist threat.
39:15That's deadly.
39:16See that man?
39:17Yes.
39:18He's going home to see his family
39:20because of the fucking actions you took in this building.
39:22Yes, darling. Yeah?
39:23He's going home to see his family
39:25cos he's finished work for the day.
39:27That's a strong pass.
39:28Number five, well done.
39:30Good man, Pete.
39:31Oh, my God.
39:32Yeah.
39:33Next to attempt the hostage rescue
39:35is Robbie Norris.
39:37This poor bastard's going to shoot whatever he sees.
39:39He's going to shoot his own dick, I'd say.
39:41Get over there!
39:42Get over there, you fucking idiot!
39:44It's all arms and legs, isn't he?
39:46He's like...
39:47Whoa, get in! Get in!
39:49Come on, you can do it!
39:50Get in!
39:53Good shot. The floor is dead.
39:55He's not even looking.
39:56He shouldn't even look when he's shooting.
40:01Ah!
40:03He's closing his fucking eyes!
40:08Stop!
40:09He's fucking killing everybody.
40:11Turn around.
40:14You've shot the hostage.
40:18Oh, you've shot the fucking hostage.
40:21That's a fucking feel.
40:23Yeah, stop.
40:24I expect better from you.
40:26Get out there.
40:27So, if the hostage takers had a gun,
40:30he would have been dead about ten minutes
40:32before he even got to shoot the hostage.
40:34All right, Brambo.
40:35Fuck.
40:37HE SIGHS
40:45In Dun Laoghaire, friends, David and John.
40:49You know what I'd like to do?
40:51I'd like to go paddleboarding in Portobello.
40:53In Dun Laoghaire, they have them, the standard paddleboards.
40:56Yeah, we'll do that.
40:57You don't want to go paddleboarding in the canal
40:59because if you fall in, I'd be worried that you get infantigo.
41:02Wheel's disease from the rafts. Yes, yes, yes.
41:04Oh, that'll be lovely.
41:05Or I could bring a kayak.
41:06We'll do this in your clean water, will we?
41:08Yeah.
41:09Get away from the inner city.
41:10This week, a returning Netflix series
41:13showed us around some very expensive homes
41:16with these very fancy people.
41:18I feel like you don't get many American Marys.
41:21No.
41:22I love it.
41:24Dad, this is selling Sunset,
41:26where they sell the million-dollar homes.
41:28I fucking like this, yeah.
41:30What's up, fam?
41:31Hi.
41:32It's brown themed.
41:33I know, right? We're matching.
41:35Oh, God, aren't they those fools from TikTok?
41:37No, like, they're huge.
41:39They're the most followed people in the world.
41:41What did you do?
41:42Dance on TikTok.
41:43Dance on TikTok.
41:45I love this outdoor area.
41:47This pool is so nice.
41:49It's perfect.
41:50Wowee.
41:51I'd love an outdoor pool.
41:53I know, but it's no cork, Donny.
41:55Thank you. Now it's our job to sell it.
41:57Yep.
41:58Oh, Jesus.
41:59Oh, my God.
42:01Oh, God.
42:03You.
42:04To take a bath here?
42:06Oh, no, I don't think I'd take a bath in that, would you?
42:10I'd be afraid someone would see me when I'd be in the bath.
42:13I wouldn't worry about that.
42:15Once you get a view like this, you can't live without it.
42:18Oh, God, I'd be fucking in my element there, man.
42:20Oh, you would be in your element.
42:23You know I love a balcony.
42:24Everyone, Nico, would just follow us around.
42:27We were showing houses.
42:29Yes, I do.
42:30I know it's hard to focus on real estate.
42:32Yeah.
42:33And I am really proud of you.
42:35It's his wife.
42:36Not at all.
42:37What's he touching for?
42:38They used to go out with their best friends now.
42:41It's meaningful to me that we can have the funeral at your house.
42:44Who died?
42:46Look up r.i.p.e. there.
42:48OK, don't stop talking about it because I don't want to cry before the people come.
42:52Oh, don't do the...
42:55We watched as a grieving Jason tried to find solace in the only way he knows how.
43:01With Nico's funeral coming up, I'm looking for any type of distraction.
43:05I thought it might be fun to take Mary and Brett, look at Ferraris,
43:08and maybe I'll treat myself to a new car.
43:10Maybe I'll treat myself to a Ferrari.
43:13I want to test drive it.
43:14We can make that happen, yeah.
43:15Jesus.
43:16Put your seatbelt on.
43:17Yes, definitely.
43:18Small penis.
43:19Yep, his dick.
43:20Big car.
43:21Oh, car wreck.
43:22Yeah, that's what they say.
43:25Oh!
43:27Like, no, don't be doing that shit in a fucking car park again.
43:29Oh, I'd love that now.
43:31If you don't have any money in the world, would you buy a car like that?
43:33No.
43:34I would.
43:35I'd buy a house.
43:36I'd buy two houses.
43:38But you can't drive a house if you can't.
43:40No.
43:43This is the one.
43:44Oh, what a dick.
43:46Later, we watched as Mary and Jason gathered all their friends
43:50to celebrate the life of Nico.
43:54OK.
43:55The weather change is suggesting there's going to be a change
43:57in the tone of the show, John.
43:58Oh, the funeral, darling.
44:00I love you.
44:03Fuck off, it's a dog.
44:06If you cry for about five minutes after dog days,
44:08then you move on.
44:09That's it, you move on.
44:10As a man who has gone through many dog deaths,
44:13it is so, so sad.
44:15Because you...
44:16But it's not him!
44:17Yeah.
44:21Losing a dog is a big thing.
44:22What the hell?
44:27Oh, he's bringing his dog friends.
44:29Tell me you're rich without telling me you're rich.
44:36What would you be wearing?
44:38I'd wear a four-suit.
44:41They obviously have money to piss up against a fucking fence.
44:44Thank you all for being here, not only for me and Mary,
44:49but more importantly for Nico, because...
45:02Because he had a great 18 years.
45:04What the fuck?
45:05It's OK.
45:06Is there two of him?
45:07He changed so many people's lives, and especially Jason.
45:15Did you see the other one of him?
45:18And we just want to tell you how much we love you, Bob.
45:21We love you very much.
45:23You know what?
45:24I know some people are going to watch this
45:26and be absolutely ripping the piss out of it.
45:28I'm on board for this.
45:29I'm so on board with this.
45:30I think this is lovely.
45:34You're not getting no funeral!
45:36Don't even expect a funeral!
45:37Don't even expect a funeral, you dick!
45:47.