Kevin Reacts to Benidorm S9E3
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00:00Hello everybody, welcome back to the channel. My name is Kevin and I'm a geek. You are watching
00:15Kevin the Geek. Today we're doing series 9 episode 3 of Benidorm. But a very quick kind
00:21of pointer for next week. Please do just remember, I did mention in my monthly plans video, but
00:29the episode of Knowing Me, Knowing You with Alan Partridge this month, that one actually
00:35aired basically 30 years ago this month. So what I'm doing is I'm going to put that on
00:41the day that it originally aired for one day only. Which means, because it falls next Monday,
00:47the episode of Benidorm, which is series 9 episode 4, that will move to the Tuesday for
00:52one week only. So please don't put comments going, where's the next episode of Benidorm?
00:58Because I'll be very annoyed. Because clearly you guys aren't watching and paying attention
01:03to my intros or my outros, which is when I will always tell you stuff. But for right
01:07now, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Series 9 episode 3.
01:38Or eating.
01:54Yep.
02:03What's wrong with Jodie?
02:08Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
02:16Hey up! It's Grim Reaper!
02:29Yeah!
02:30It's the only thing that fit me. I'd sweated my bollocks off in that kaftan.
02:35Perfect, perfect. There's so many episodes that I've been doing obviously for October
02:41and they just seem to have like a little subtle thing that refers to Halloween. It's brilliant.
02:49I couldn't have planned any of these if I had tried and believe me, I did not try.
02:53So much it practically walked your washing basket on its own.
02:56Why did you have to bring the bloody sword thing with it?
03:00It's not a scythe or a sickle.
03:02Oh, shut up.
03:04Cheers.
03:05It's part of the costume, ain't it? Mind you, I wish they'd have had something a lighter colour.
03:09It's ten o'clock and cracking my arse already feels like River Ouse on a flood day.
03:14Brilliant. We've got a full day of this now.
03:19Oh, love. Did I frighten you?
03:22Just a bit.
03:23Oh, you poor thing. Do you want one of them serviettes from the bar to dry your eyes?
03:28Okay.
03:29Well, when you get it, get us a round of drinks in while you're at it.
03:32There's a good last one.
03:35Go on, Eddie.
03:40Here's one for you. Would you rather have sausages for fingers or no hands at all?
03:45I don't understand.
03:47There's nothing to understand. You've just got to pick one.
03:49No hands at all.
03:51Well, I don't actually know. I'll go for sausages for fingers.
03:54Because I was going to say, if I had sausages for fingers, I'd eat them.
03:57So I'd still end up with no hands.
03:59So, yeah, if I go with sausages for fingers,
04:01at least that means I will actually still end up in the same place,
04:05but I will have some food in my belly.
04:07There you go.
04:09Random thought in my head.
04:11Would you rather have sausages for fingers or no hands at all?
04:15I don't understand.
04:16There's nothing to understand. You've just got to pick one.
04:18Why? What's happening?
04:20Nothing's happening. It's just a question.
04:22Who's asking it?
04:23I'm asking. It's just one of those questions, isn't it?
04:25Would you rather be deaf or blind?
04:27Mate, to be honest, I'd rather just chill by the pool.
04:30Same.
04:31All right, boys.
04:32Sam, would you rather have sausages for fingers or no hands at all?
04:37How big are the sausages?
04:39Quite big.
04:40Can I have them on just one hand?
04:42Um, yeah.
04:43Definitely sausages for fingers.
04:45Right, I came to say hello
04:47because you two boys owed me a favour after yesterday.
04:50What happened yesterday?
04:51You backed out of my trip and lost me commission.
04:53Oh, yeah. Really sorry about that.
04:55But we thought the trip was free.
04:57Who gives out free trips to Ibiza?
04:59Look, my mate owns a bar on Caligirona
05:02and he needs two props today.
05:04Are you two up for it?
05:05What's a prop?
05:06A prop's someone who stands outside a bar and tries to get punters in.
05:09No, thanks. We've got our day planned.
05:11Have we?
05:12Yeah.
05:13Don't you remember?
05:14We're going to lie by the pool all day and talk to girls.
05:16And how much luck have you had with that so far?
05:19Well, we're just getting warmed up.
05:22We're playing the long game, innit, Joe?
05:24Yeah, man, the really long game.
05:27Really long.
05:28Well, this is perfect.
05:29I'm giving you a legitimate reason to be in the sun chatting to girls.
05:32Everybody loves the cheeky prop boys.
05:35Do they?
05:36Especially two good-looking charmers like you.
05:38Oh, I don't know.
05:4030 euros for a couple of hours' work.
05:42Right, I'll take that.
05:43What do you reckon?
05:44I reckon these good looks and this charm is being wasted around this pool.
05:48We're in.
05:50Actually, it depends on how many couple of hours it is.
06:02I might be reading this wrong, but I think I'm getting a vibe from her.
06:06I thought about that as well.
06:08She's probably got her own vibe.
06:10And if you think you can compete with that,
06:13then good luck to you, mate.
06:18Maybe. We'll see.
06:20I sent another email about that audition for Jodie.
06:23How many times do they need to be told,
06:25we're on holiday?
06:26Well, now they're saying we can do the audition here
06:28and email her video.
06:29Let's have a look, Mum.
06:33Hey, nice one.
06:34Could use the iPad.
06:35My iPad is upstairs in the safe
06:37and that's where it's staying.
06:38Way to enjoy our holiday,
06:39not fannying around making videos nobody's going to watch.
06:41Don't be such a misery.
06:43It'll be fun.
06:44They've sent the script.
06:46We just need two grandparents.
06:48Wahey!
06:49Sign me up.
06:50I'm ready for me close-up.
06:52What experience in acting have you got?
06:54Bet you've never stepped foot into a theatre.
06:56Oh, that's where you're wrong.
06:58I've been in The Crucible.
07:00Nice.
07:01Nice one, Grandad.
07:02I studied that.
07:03Who were you? John Proctor?
07:04No, Sheffield Crucible.
07:06Davies-Taylor Final, 1985.
07:09Went down to the last black.
07:11Blackpool Final.
07:12That's drama.
07:15To be fair, that's even better Crucible
07:17than playing The Crucible.
07:20I might as well reveal it now.
07:22It's a perfect opportunity to do it.
07:25So, obviously I have planned my Christmas month
07:28and the very first Christmas reaction
07:32that I'll be doing in December
07:34because it actually happens to fall
07:36on the day of, I think it's the UK Championship
07:40snooker final,
07:42I'm going to do a Christmas reaction
07:45to the old 90s snooker game show, Big Break.
07:49It is something I vaguely remember watching as a kid
07:52and I thought, hey, that'd be fun to do.
07:55So there you go.
07:56There's the first Christmas reaction revealed to you
07:59here in October.
08:00We've got enough drama on this oldie
08:02with you and Loretta at each other's throats.
08:04Quiet day by the pool will do just nicely, thank you.
08:07The commercial is set to be used
08:09in all European territories
08:11and the fee is £15,000.
08:16Can you imagine if she got it?
08:18She'd be able to pay her own school fees.
08:20There you go.
08:21Here, get up them stairs and get that high.
08:23Safe accommodations 3821.
08:26Come on, lazy arse, we're losing light here.
08:29They've been serving me with alcohol,
08:31so I got everyone lemonade.
08:32Nice.
08:33Here she is, my little Oscar winner.
08:38Don't put her off.
08:39Oh, it's so nice to be back.
08:42Did you manage all right in the salon while I was gone?
08:46Actually, Jacqueline, it was impossible without you,
08:48wasn't it, Liam?
08:49Oh, unthinkable.
08:50Really?
08:51Yeah, me and Liam were about to take turns
08:54nodding off in that chair.
08:55It took us almost three weeks
08:56to find the shopping channel on the telly.
08:58Oh, it's far, far too.
09:00You should have emailed.
09:02Oh, and I spent nodding off in this chair.
09:05Well, I am the sleeping partner in the business.
09:12Sleeping partner.
09:15Oh, dear me.
09:17Excuse me.
09:19What the fuck has Jacqueline been smoking?
09:22I want some of that.
09:24I want to wish I'd stopped leaving
09:25bottles of cava out at breakfast.
09:28Leaves me all gassy for the rest of the day.
09:32Right.
09:33Talking of gassy, I'd better go and fill up.
09:35I've got three airport runs today.
09:37Oh, and I need you to get your thinking caps on
09:40for a catchy new name for the business.
09:42Oh, I'm good at these.
09:43I've gone off Kenneth goes all the way.
09:45It's a bit of a mouthful
09:46and people might get the wrong impression.
09:47Kenneth, I've got bookings all morning.
09:48What are we going to do about walk-ins?
09:50Very easily solved.
09:53Yes.
09:59There you go.
10:00Whack that up on the door.
10:02Honestly, I'm an orange bob away from being Mary Portis.
10:05Oh, and Liam,
10:06did you ask around about borrowing a child seat for the car?
10:09That family with the toddlers confirmed the booking.
10:11Yeah, nobody's got one.
10:12Have you tried El Cisney?
10:13What the fuck's that?
10:14You know, the flea market on the road to Albion.
10:16I know what El Cisney is.
10:17I'm talking about that.
10:19Troy sent it.
10:21Derbyshire hair salon of the year award.
10:24Have we won that?
10:25We're nowhere near Derbyshire.
10:26No, don't be daft.
10:28It's for the salon in Derby.
10:30Troy said he wanted it in private place in Blago.
10:34An inspiration for us all.
10:37I'm overcome with emulsion.
10:39Right, I'm off.
10:40I'll see you later.
10:41Bye.
10:42I'm a bit suspicious.
10:45Is it just me?
10:47Does that look like a really, really bad security camera?
10:52Is it just me?
10:54Do we know about Kenneth running a taxi service from the salon?
10:58No, but I know he's going to mention it to him at some point.
11:01Don't worry about me.
11:04I'm a sleeping partner,
11:06and I don't talk immersely.
11:09No, you just grunt.
11:10Cup of tea?
11:11Or a glass of cava if you're going to the bar.
11:14No problem.
11:16I think you've had enough cava, Jacqueline.
11:26Talk about sleeping.
11:30I'm sorry, I'm not interrupting, am I?
11:39How can I help you?
11:40Mateo, the kitchen is in absolute chaos.
11:43What else is wrong?
11:44I need you to go to Benissa with Leslie to pick up some joints.
11:48Some joints?
11:51Really?
11:53Not those kind of joints.
11:55I've been let down by my supplier.
12:00Your supplier has let you down?
12:02Yes.
12:03Mr. Misavage,
12:06you are really feeling the stress?
12:08Yes, I am.
12:10Okay.
12:11I have one joint in my locker.
12:13One isn't going to go very far, is it?
12:16No, you do not understand.
12:18This is the good shit.
12:22Maybe we can go together up on the fire escape and have it.
12:29I'm sorry, I'm confused.
12:30The what?
12:31The good shit.
12:33On the fire escape?
12:35Why on earth would you do that?
12:37So nobody can smell it.
12:40Mateo, I can't believe what I'm hearing.
12:44Do you make a habit of doing this?
12:46No, no, Mr. Misavage.
12:48No more, not one a day.
12:50And always on the fire escape.
12:53Dear God.
12:55And I've been blaming the drain for all these years.
12:59Right.
13:00Meet Leslie in the reception in ten minutes and from now on...
13:04From now on...
13:08You use the lavatory like no one else.
13:13Yes, Miss Templestown.
13:17Talk about double-cross wires.
13:19Look at that.
13:50USB is unique selling point.
13:54They get a free shot with their first drink?
13:56No, man, that's every bar you walk past.
13:59You need a USB.
14:00My USB is my body.
14:02Girls love a bit of muscle, do you know what I mean?
14:04Oh, yeah.
14:05Why don't you take your top off and I'll point at you?
14:09No, mate.
14:10He can point at you and go, I'm with stupid.
14:13You need to find your USB.
14:15Hello, boys.
14:16So, you are our new props?
14:19Yeah, I'm Tiger, this is Joey.
14:21Okay, there you go.
14:23No drinking or smoking while you're out there.
14:25If you need any more flies, come inside and ask me or talk to Mario who you spoke to before, okay?
14:30Nice one.
14:32See you later.
14:37Hang on, I want to say, did I read that correctly?
14:40Ask me or talk to Mario who you spoke to before, okay?
14:43Nice one.
14:44Nice one.
14:46See you later.
14:50Barry Shite, I thought I read that.
14:52Barry Shite, Roberta Slack, Ubi30, what's that?
14:56Antonio Midget Stripper.
14:59I don't know who that's supposed to be.
15:01Barry Shite, I guess, is who that's supposed to be.
15:07Right, I've got an idea.
15:11I'm not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant plucker's mate.
15:14I'm only plucking pheasants because the pheasant plucker's late.
15:17What are you doing?
15:18A vocal warm-up.
15:19Let's stick to...
15:20She sells seashells on the seashore.
15:22Yeah.
15:23Or Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled pepper, where's the peck of pickled pepper Peter Piper picked?
15:27Joey?
15:28What about Peter Pector...
15:30Yeah.
15:31Peter Piper...
15:33Pector...
15:34Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled pepper, where's the peck of pickled pepper Peter Piper picked?
15:39Peter Piper picked a peck of...
15:44Hey, what are you doing?
15:45Just a bit of foundation.
15:46Bugger that.
15:47What kind of show are we making here?
15:49Don't be daft, Eddie.
15:50All the men on Downton Abbey wear make-up.
15:52I bet they do.
15:53Especially that butler who were a bit light in the loafers.
15:56All actors use it.
15:58They have to, to hide the decades of alcohol abuse.
16:03Here we go.
16:04That's it.
16:05We just need you to look your best on camera.
16:07In that case, stick a paper bag on his head.
16:09The rustling will affect the sound, but it'll be worth it.
16:13Right.
16:14Listen you...
16:15Oh, here we go.
16:16Anyone order a table for three?
16:18We could do with a tablecloth, really, look.
16:20There's supposed to be a classy restaurant.
16:23Can we just get this thing started?
16:24It's got to be sent over by two o'clock.
16:25And they know that you're on holiday.
16:27You're playing Jodie's grandmother.
16:28I don't look old enough to play her grandmother.
16:30You are her grandmother.
16:32I know, but I don't look old enough.
16:34Do you want this to be believable or not?
16:36What do I say in it?
16:38You haven't got any lines.
16:40Hang on a minute, no lines.
16:42I cancelled a hot stone massage
16:44and a pedicure to sit in the frigging background.
16:48You're supposed to be on holiday with us anyway.
16:50No, I'm not.
16:51I'm on my holiday and I'm visiting you on your holiday.
16:55Well, everyone just stop bickering and whining for one minute.
16:59Can't we all at least pretend to have a degree of professionalism?
17:02Let me know when you set everything up.
17:04I'm going over to my sunbed to learn me lines.
17:06Come on, Jodie!
17:10You've created a monster.
17:12Shut up.
17:13Right, a tablecloth.
17:16But then again, the apple never falls far from the tree.
17:22I'm saying nothing.
17:25Leslie, I hope you know what we are supposed to be doing
17:28because I have no idea which so ever.
17:31Bill was supposed to pick up some meat
17:33from a wholesale supplier in Benissa.
17:36But I've had an idea.
17:38Why am I not liking the sound of this?
17:40Look, I've got 500 euros to collect 50 kilos of meat.
17:44But I've made a few calls
17:45and I can get the same weight of meat for 400 euros.
17:49Leslie, maybe we should just go to Benissa.
17:52I am liking the easy life.
17:54We can't. I've cancelled the order.
17:56Oh, madre mia.
17:57Listen, why should Sam be the only one getting up behind us?
18:01Backhander is like a slap in the face, no?
18:04A little bit.
18:05What she did is a slap in the face
18:06when she finds out we're making more money on the side than her.
18:09I thought you liked her.
18:10I do, but that doesn't mean I want to be left behind
18:12when there's money to be made.
18:14All right, ladies, anything exciting happening?
18:17We're just nipping out on an errand for Temple Savage.
18:21Sounds interesting.
18:23There is nothing for the back of your hand here.
18:25I suggest you carry on with finding the lost luggage
18:28of angry, drunk people.
18:30To be fair, Eddie's still waiting.
18:37It's been two days, Eddie's still in those cases.
18:41Found a car seat then?
18:44Yeah.
18:45I had a look and lost property and there was one in there.
18:47Nice.
18:48Somebody might have left that behind by mistake and come back for it.
18:53Well, there'd be no point in them doing that.
18:55Why?
18:57Because I've got it.
18:59Have you got no scruples?
19:00Nah, yeah.
19:02Of course I have.
19:03I just get a bit lost under my bum bag when I'm lying down.
19:05You know what I mean, I mean a conscience, morals.
19:08Look, I'm a businessman, Liam, I haven't got time for morals.
19:12I need that car seat to run my taxi business.
19:14Pretty sure you need a taxi licence too.
19:17Small print, Liam, love, small print.
19:19And a driver's licence helps.
19:21British points don't count over here, so I'm good to go, thank you.
19:25That's all right, then.
19:30Anyway, I've got a bone to pick with you, young man.
19:34Troy texted me earlier.
19:36Were you going to make an appearance at the salon today
19:39or were you just going to let Liam do everything?
19:42What, and you think I told him?
19:44Well, it wasn't Jacqueline.
19:45She's had so much breakfast car for today,
19:47she can't even string a sentence together, let alone make a phone call.
19:50Works you up in the morning, four letters begins with C.
19:56Cock!
19:58Sorry.
19:59Don't be funny, Kenneth.
20:00You know I think you're a brilliant stylist,
20:02but you're hardly known for being the most hard-working.
20:04You're right.
20:06I think he's trying to catch me out.
20:08Do you think I should call his bluff?
20:10Yeah, text back saying you're working as hard as usual.
20:14No, hang on, don't say that.
20:18Ha-ha.
20:20Nice try, Troy,
20:22but I've actually been rushed off me feet all day.
20:27Thank you very much.
20:30But you're not rushed off your feet.
20:32No, I am.
20:33Chock-a-block with bookings all day.
20:35Just not cutting people there.
20:39Cock!
20:40Bloody hell!
20:42Did you get me something?
20:44Can you get your head in your sleep?
20:46I think she was on Trina in Crossford.
20:48I got there first!
20:50I got there way earlier.
20:52Offering up a slice of hummus.
20:54OK, as long as you keep the door open for walk-ins,
20:57as this makes up 50% of the business.
21:00Winking smiley face.
21:03You?
21:05You told him?
21:06I haven't said a thing.
21:07Why do I care?
21:08I get paid a wage.
21:09It doesn't affect me.
21:11It's not like I'm a partner in the business.
21:17What sleeping beauty it is.
21:19Mm.
21:21What sleeping beauty it is.
21:23Mm.
21:24She said she wouldn't say anything.
21:26What was Susie about that?
21:28It's easy to catch a mouse.
21:30You just need enough cheese.
21:32I'll be fine.
21:33Just give it a good rinse under the tap.
21:42Kenneth don't care.
21:44Ready.
21:46Action.
21:47Hang on a minute.
21:48I need to know what my motivation is.
21:50No, you don't.
21:51Beer and ugly women.
21:52That's where you're wrong.
21:54I don't drink beer.
21:55It bloats me so much.
21:56Terrible.
21:57So, you're admitting to the ugly women?
21:59If that's the crack about my ex-wife,
22:01I can assure you she didn't start out looking like that.
22:04No, but you started out looking like that,
22:06so what was her excuse?
22:08Mm.
22:09Right, that's it.
22:10Out of the way, you two.
22:11You're sacked.
22:12Sacked?
22:13You can't be sacked from something you weren't being paid to do.
22:16Yes, you can.
22:17Because I just sacked you.
22:18Can't we just get on with it?
22:20Yes.
22:21If you've sacked him, who does Geordie say a line to?
22:23He's supposed to be a grandad.
22:24Well, you can do it.
22:25Me?
22:26Playing a grandad?
22:27I barely look old enough to be a father.
22:28You do look tired, Billy.
22:30Oh, don't start with that again.
22:31You could get away with early 60s.
22:33Look, if we don't get on with this now,
22:35then we're never...
22:36You what?
22:37Hurry up.
22:38They need emails by two o'clock.
22:39Early 60s?
22:41Early...
22:42Bloody hell.
22:43What does that make you?
22:44120?
22:45Oh!
22:46I don't think it hardly matters.
22:47It's just a part you're playing.
22:48Me mum's right.
22:49It doesn't matter.
22:50You play the grandad, and you can play the grandmother.
22:52I beg your pardon?
22:53No way.
22:54It's different with the orthopedic shoes on the other foot.
22:56Yeah.
22:57Hang on a minute.
22:58Where's our Geordie?
23:00Oh, yeah.
23:02Geordie Dawson.
23:04Grandad, can we go to the park tomorrow for me birthday?
23:07They got a new playground there, and I'd love to go.
23:10Is that it?
23:11Well, that was easy enough, wasn't it?
23:13Is that it?
23:14Darling, we're just getting everything ready for you.
23:16It's all done.
23:17Can you email it to the address I gave you, please?
23:19Very happy to help.
23:21And when you get that, you need to forward it on to me agent.
23:24Of course, will do.
23:25Their agent?
23:26If anyone calls me, I'll be on the swings.
23:29OK, darling.
23:30We'll see who wears the trousers in your house.
23:39And all that I agree for nothing.
23:43Right.
23:44That's airport run number two done.
23:46Time for a coffee and a suck on me vape.
23:49A suck on who?
23:50The vaporiser.
23:51Oh.
23:53Now, I've been thinking.
23:56If it's not Jacqueline grasping me up to Troy and it's not you,
23:59who is it?
24:01Will you give it a rest?
24:03No, I will not give it a rest.
24:04I feel like I don't turn me back on anyone.
24:06It's like being in the pink trombone on jockstrap night.
24:10Oh, so you're open now?
24:12Somebody at the reception was asking earlier.
24:14Yeah, but I'm sorry we're not doing any walk-ins today, Joyce.
24:17Lovely Liam's rushed off his little ginger feet, bless him.
24:20I'm just telling them you're open.
24:22Whether you're actually doing any work is your own affair.
24:30You really think he's got someone spying on you?
24:32Of course.
24:33Since the day he took over the lease on this salon,
24:35he's been on my back about every little thing.
24:37Why don't you answer your phone?
24:39Why is the salon never open?
24:40Honestly, it's relentless.
24:41Well, both of those are quite reasonable requests.
24:43Yeah.
24:44Oh, so you're on his side, are you?
24:45I'm not on anybody's side.
24:46I'm just saying if I was paying the rent and bills for this place,
24:48I want it to be open every day.
24:49Liam, we're in Spain.
24:51It's not my fault they have a fiesta every time the mayor farts.
25:01Don't leave Mary's dye strips in too long
25:04or she'll end up bright yellow like the last time.
25:07Oh.
25:08Er, what?
25:11Oh.
25:13He's in a camera.
25:15There's no one there.
25:16Don't leave me now.
25:17Well, maybe you're right.
25:20Oh.
25:21Temple Savage.
25:22What about her?
25:23She's a mole.
25:24Don't say that.
25:25I think she looks lovely today.
25:26No.
25:27A squealer.
25:28A rat.
25:29Temple Savage is the spy.
25:31No, she doesn't even know Troy.
25:34Oh, hang on.
25:35Oh, hang on.
25:36It's the 15th of the month, isn't it?
25:3812 o'clock on the 15th,
25:41Mary comes in every month
25:44at the same time
25:46to get her roots done.
25:48Oh.
25:49That's true.
25:50He's pulling your leg, Kenny.
25:54No-one's spying on us.
25:56I don't know, Liam.
25:57Something stinks.
25:59And for once, it's not Mr Wu's conditioner.
26:06Oh.
26:08I thought so.
26:09It's that middle bit.
26:11Something stinks.
26:13And for once, it's not Mr Wu's conditioner.
26:15Look.
26:18I mean, just look.
26:20It's...
26:21It's just so obvious.
26:23I mean, like...
26:25It's not even, like, a hidden camera.
26:28That's, like, plainly obvious.
26:30And then, as well, again,
26:32you just need to look at it and go,
26:34it's clearly a camera.
26:36God, they're thick.
26:41Blow cam.
26:45Oh, God, this guy again.
26:55Wait a minute.
26:57Ring the wrong number.
27:00I don't get it.
27:02OK, I have to go now.
27:05You must be Leslie.
27:07Yes, Mr Wu.
27:09I'm Leslie.
27:10This is Matthew.
27:11And you are looking for wholesale meat.
27:14That's right.
27:15What kind of meat you want?
27:16Mr Wu got chicken or beef?
27:18Whatever's going cheap.
27:20The chickens, when they are young, tend to go cheap.
27:23The cows, on the other hand, they go moo.
27:27Oh, my God.
27:28Oh, my God.
27:32Do you get it?
27:33Yes, yes, yes, yes, we get it.
27:35The cows go moo.
27:37Hey, crazy person.
27:39Do you have meat to sell to us or no?
27:41Hey, check yourself before you wreck yourself.
27:44Mr Wu got lots of meat.
27:47OK, let me look at the stock sheet.
27:50OK.
27:53Actually, we not got much chicken.
27:57We not got much beef.
28:00You want camel?
28:02If you making big pie,
28:04the hump stops the crust from sinking in the middle.
28:11Mr Wu only joking.
28:13Mr Wu does not sell camel.
28:16We got quite a lot of octopus.
28:18Mind you, very difficult to cook octopus.
28:21They keep reaching out the pan and turning off the gas.
28:26LAUGHTER
28:28Listen, if you're just going to sit there telling Christmas crap of jokes,
28:32we'll be on our way.
28:33OK, OK, let me have a look.
28:36I mean, to be fair, octopus is delicious.
28:38What about panda?
28:40We got quite a lot of panda in the deep freeze.
28:42Oh, it's going to be fresh, we're going to...
28:44Panda?
28:46You don't mean the big black and white furry bear?
28:49What other pandas do you get?
28:51What's that taste like?
28:54It tastes a bit like penguin, but not as fishy.
29:01Come on, we're off.
29:02Yeah.
29:05You are a strange man.
29:07Yes, yes, he is.
29:10That's the problem with the British.
29:12No sense of humour.
29:14But that is Spanish.
29:17There's one more place we can try, but it's in Alicante.
29:20It's a two-hour round trip and it's time that we haven't got.
29:23Maybe I call my friend Wolfgang.
29:25He has a farm.
29:27What kind of farm?
29:29Just a regular farm with cows, chicken, goats, pigs.
29:32Well, why didn't you bloody say so?
29:34We didn't ask.
29:36Get in the bloody farm!
29:45Remember, ladies, three shots inside
29:47and I'll be coming in for a drink with you in a bit.
29:51Make sure you do.
30:00Oh, my days, you're like the Pied Piper of Hamleys.
30:03What's that mean?
30:04It's a story about a bloke who plays the trumpet
30:06and gets followed by loads of mice and rats.
30:08Except you're doing it with women
30:10and you don't even need a trumpet.
30:12Well, I mean, they're all a bit middle-aged,
30:14but at least they're still getting in.
30:16How are the free kisses going?
30:18I won't lie to you, Ty, it's not going great.
30:21I'm smiling at all the pretty girls, we're getting nothing back.
30:24Pretty girls? Look at the months I'm dragging in.
30:27Mate, you need to caution it a bit wider.
30:30Oh, ladies, you look like you could do with a drink.
30:36All right, pal, get a free kiss, do I?
30:39Well, it's kind of meant for girls, but what the hell?
30:43Well, peace and love, my man, but just on the cheek, yeah?
30:46Nice one.
30:48Go on, then.
30:52Hey, I'm only joking, pal.
30:55Yeah, hilarious.
30:57Seriously, man, it was a joke. Yo, how's business, brother?
30:59Not great. Me and my mate are promoting this bar.
31:02I don't suppose you guys want a drink, do you?
31:04Well, there's 25 of us, the rest are on the beach.
31:07Oh, my days, 25 people, that would be amazing.
31:11The trouble is, Gary, the guy whose birthday it is,
31:13we played a trick on him and chucked all his clothes in the sea.
31:16Oh, that's funny.
31:19Yeah. Anyway, we can't bring him in your bar in just his pants.
31:23No, they wouldn't like that.
31:25Exactly. But maybe if you could borrow your T-shirt?
31:29Yeah, man, of course. I'm not even wearing it.
31:32And your flip-flops? Sure, no worries.
31:37And your shorts?
31:39Erm...
31:41I don't know.
31:43There's at least 25 of us. Actually, probably near 30.
31:46Shall we?
31:48Actually, my boxers look a bit like shorts anyway.
31:51Exactly. Right, we'd better get Barry the birthday boy.
31:54You mean Gary? Huh?
31:57You said his name was Gary.
31:59Oh, yeah. That's right.
32:01See you in five. Yeah, man.
32:03See you in five.
32:06Oh...
32:12Mate, where are your trousers?
32:15I've got a big gang of lads on the way.
32:19Oh, look at her. She's so happy.
32:21Imagine if she gets this job.
32:23Well, let's not get too excited.
32:26Why not? Why not get excited about things like this?
32:29Mind you, it's going to be very tricky if she gets really famous.
32:32You what?
32:34Well, you've seen how they hound these celebrities.
32:36They don't get a minute to themselves.
32:38She's auditioning for an advert for adult nappies.
32:40I don't think we're going to have to go ex-directory just yet.
32:42She's going to get it. I just know she is.
32:45PHONE RINGS
32:47Who is it? Number withheld.
32:49Well, answer it, then. What, she hasn't got it?
32:51Answer the phone. What, she has got it?
32:53Answer it! Answer it!
32:55Oh, for God's sake. Bloody hell.
32:57Hello, Billy Dawson speaking.
32:59Yeah, that's right. I'm Jodie's dad.
33:02Right.
33:04Right.
33:06I see.
33:08OK.
33:10Can you give me your number?
33:16Yeah.
33:180207.
33:20Yeah.
33:22Yeah.
33:24OK, I got that. I'll ring you straight back.
33:27Well...
33:29She got the job.
33:31I knew it! I knew it!
33:33But she needs to be in London by tomorrow afternoon.
33:36Well, what's wrong with that?
33:38Prices of flights to London last minute in high season.
33:40Yeah. Who cares about that? My mother-in-law lenders the money.
33:42Come on!
33:44Jodie! Jodie!
33:46Yeah, that's going to be an expensive flight.
33:48You got the job!
33:50SHE SCREAMS
33:54From a five-second video.
33:57You've really got the sun, Jacqueline.
33:59Oh, do you think?
34:01Yeah, a neck in a bottle of cava for breakfast
34:03and crashing out for the day really agrees with you.
34:06Right, no rest for the wicked.
34:08I'm going back to the airport. I shall return.
34:11You should get one of those car stickers that say
34:14Little Princess on board.
34:16Not sure I can get away with calling myself little anymore, Jacqueline.
34:19Oh, you know what I mean.
34:21For the baby.
34:23So are the drivers know to take a daisy round you.
34:26Jacqueline, we're in Spain. I can't put a baby on board sign up.
34:29It's like Mad Max out there.
34:31You'd be like a red rag to a bull with these lot.
34:33Generally, you do need to be extra careful now, Kenneth.
34:36It's not just yourself you've got to worry about.
34:38I don't know where this reputation of me being a bad driver's come from.
34:41Four out of the last six of my accidents this year
34:43have been other people's fault.
34:45There's a lot of bad drivers about.
34:47I'll put my cap on.
34:49Right, keep this blind shut while I'm gone.
34:51I'm not sure what Troy's up to, but we best play extra safe.
34:54I don't want him finding out about all this stuff when he arrives tomorrow.
34:57Gonna find out eventually.
35:00It's not exactly an easy thing to hide.
35:03Yeah, well, you know who makes a fuss about everything?
35:05I just want to tell him in my own time when I'm ready.
35:08Adios, amigos.
35:09Yeah, especially when you're in full view of the camera.
35:12Yeah, see?
35:16They're not coming back, are they?
35:17No.
35:18I don't think so, mate.
35:20You know what really hurts?
35:23I bet it wasn't Gary's birthday after all.
35:26Dude.
35:27Probably not.
35:32I think I'll head back to the hotel.
35:34You won't get paid.
35:36I don't deserve to get paid, Tag.
35:38I haven't got a single person to go in.
35:46Joey, come on.
35:48Four for one.
35:50And one for all.
35:52What are you doing, man?
35:54We are going to do this properly.
36:11So we bet it was a bit boring.
36:19Come on, Joey.
36:38Do they really need the leaflets?
36:40They're literally right there.
36:49Tsk.
37:14No.
37:15Yeah.
37:18She kills all the animals herself.
37:20What does she do?
37:21Just look at them?
37:23Very funny.
37:24But since Helga was released from prison, the farmers never made so much money.
37:27Maybe we should change.
37:29Change?
37:30Of course.
37:31Always the best price for you, my friend.
37:33Hey, your sister, what was she in prison for?
37:36Oh, seven years.
37:38No, I mean, what did she do?
37:40Mateo, some questions it is better not to ask.
37:43Oh, shit.
37:46Oh!
37:48She's creepy.
37:50Okay, we can deliver in one hour.
37:52I'll come back then if you want to collect yourself.
37:54I would like you to deliver to the Solana.
37:56I have developed a sudden aversion to farm jack life.
38:07Oh, my days.
38:08I'm beat.
38:09Yeah, me too.
38:10When do we get our money, dude?
38:12I need to buy me some new threads.
38:15I'll buy my flip flops and walk back if you want.
38:17Mate, I couldn't do that.
38:20Let's go arms.
38:27Oh, man, you're the best mate anyone could wish for.
38:30We are the best team any bar could wish for.
38:33Damn right.
38:34They're a nice duo, I'll give them that.
38:36I can feel an all-inclusive beer coming on.
38:37Yeah, man.
38:38Joey's an idiot.
38:40Let's not beat around the bush with that.
38:43He's an idiot.
38:45But even Tiger, they do have a good dynamic.
38:48I will give him that.
38:52Hey, where are you going?
38:54You missing the party?
38:56The big party caused by us?
38:58The prop boy dream team?
39:01Are you all right?
39:03What are you both doing here?
39:05What do you think we're doing here?
39:07She's got a point, Tag.
39:08We should have finished 20 minutes ago.
39:09We're going back to the Solana to celebrate.
39:11You coming for a drink?
39:12What exactly are you celebrating?
39:14A job well done.
39:15What?
39:16Just look at the place.
39:17It's heaving.
39:19Impressive.
39:20Very impressive.
39:22If it weren't the wrong bar.
39:23What?
39:24No, no, no, no, no.
39:25Wait a minute.
39:26You said the Western Bar at the end of Cale Girona.
39:28This is the end of Cale Girona, and that's the only Western Bar.
39:31First of all, this is the beginning of Cale Girona.
39:34The hotel is there, so this is the beginning of Cale Girona.
39:37This is not called the Western Bar.
39:39It's called Cowboys and Indians.
39:41Well, it's a Western Bar.
39:43Hang on.
39:44We spoke to the manager, and he was expecting us.
39:47Is there a problem?
39:49Here we go.
39:50You said you were expecting us, didn't you?
39:53No.
39:54There you go.
39:55What?
39:56You came to my bar, and you said you were in your props.
39:58What kind of bar manager would I be if I stopped people who wanted to work,
40:01especially for free?
40:02Dude!
40:04Have a good day, boys.
40:05Oh, and thanks for the business.
40:08Yee-haw!
40:10Dude!
40:13Oh, shit.
40:14Meanwhile, I've got Jose, the manager of the Western Bar, going crazy because I let him down.
40:19Right, it's a ten-minute walk.
40:20If you set off now, he might be all right about you doing a couple of hours.
40:23Sorry, Sam, we're off. We're knackered.
40:25Can't you just...
40:26Don't worry about the money.
40:27You can pay us tonight like we arranged.
40:29Joey, let's just go.
40:30Yeah, yeah, get out.
40:35Damn!
40:40What do you mean you've got no money?
40:42Just as I say, I'm spent up until my next pension.
40:45You've got to be joking.
40:46You're always spraying your money around.
40:48I know.
40:49That's why I don't have any until my next pension.
40:52How am I supposed to get £466 in the next few hours?
40:56Haven't you got a credit card?
40:58It's maxed out.
40:59Looks like I'm not the only one who sprays money around.
41:02Look, I might have an answer, but I'll have to be the one to go back with her.
41:07What do you mean?
41:08I've been saving up here, Miles, for years.
41:11I'll probably have enough, but only for two tickets,
41:13and I have to be one of the people travelling.
41:16Oh.
41:17Well, what do you say?
41:21Do it!
41:22You get to enjoy the rest of your leisurely taste journey.
41:25Win-win!
41:26It was the 3rd of September
41:30That day I'll always remember
41:34I just thought, we seem to really be dialling down on the karaoke
41:39in most of these episodes these days, don't we?
41:42It used to be like pretty much every episode
41:44you'd have at least one or two characters all doing the karaoke.
41:46You barely get them these days.
41:48Well, I have to thank both you and Leslie.
41:52What started out as quite a sticky wicket
41:55has turned into an unmitigated success.
41:59We have been, as you say, saving the day.
42:02And I must congratulate the kitchen staff.
42:04This chicken stew is delicious.
42:06I've never tasted anything like this.
42:08Try it.
42:09Mind you, they did get a bit carried away
42:11and forgot to make a veggie option.
42:13Yes, Leslie's in the kitchen now, fixing this.
42:15Oh, yeah?
42:19Is everything all right?
42:21It is good.
42:23Very good.
42:25Mateo, what is wrong with the stew?
42:27Nothing.
42:28Nothing.
42:29The stew is good, but the chicken is not chicken.
42:33What does this end?
42:35It's conejo.
42:36It's what?
42:37Cornetto.
42:38How do you make stew out of that?
42:39No, conejo.
42:42What kind of meat is it?
42:44It is...
42:45Is that rabbit?
42:47Baby rabbit.
42:50You've made a stew out of baby rabbits?
42:53Yes.
42:54It's normal.
42:55It's typical in Spain.
42:56But the English?
42:58No.
42:59It's a very nice meat, actually.
43:02I remember seeing it on a menu when I was in Seville a year or two ago.
43:12Rabbit is actually very surprisingly common in a lot of Spanish cuisine.
43:19It's very...
43:24It's a strange meat.
43:25I mean, people call it gamey, but I don't quite get that as a term.
43:29I don't quite know how to refer to game.
43:33What is gamey?
43:34They are not liking this.
43:36Listen, everything will be okay.
43:38As long as all the staff know not to tell anyone that they're eating baby bunny rabbits.
43:43What's wrong with that?
43:45I understand.
43:49What's wrong with...
43:51Like I said, I'm eating rabbit.
43:55I mean, it's a little bit different when you have a father who...
44:03I didn't have it, luckily.
44:05But my sister had a pet rabbit.
44:07It died once.
44:09And he made his famous rabbit stew.
44:15Do you see where I'm going with this?
44:18Yeah.
44:19And then he decided to tell my sister.
44:21Who was, what?
44:23Six, seven, something like that?
44:25Apparently?
44:27Yeah.
44:28At that moment, yeah.
44:29Don't tell them!
44:30The rest of the time, you just say, yeah, we're having rabbit stew.
44:33Just tell them, it's rabbit stew.
44:37I'm sorry about the position you've been put in lately, Jacqueline.
44:40Oh, don't worry about me.
44:41I've been in more positions than a Russian gymnast.
44:44No, I mean about Kenneth and his taxi runs.
44:46You are a partner in Blow and Go.
44:48He's got such a cheek telling you not to tell Troy.
44:51I wouldn't blame you if you have.
44:53Have what?
44:54Told Troy about Kenneth's taxi business.
44:57Oh, don't be daft.
44:58I've got no money invested in the business.
45:01Troy just made me a partner to make me feel included.
45:05I thought you were annoyed when you didn't answer my text earlier today.
45:08I didn't get a text off you.
45:10Did you not?
45:11Honestly, these bloody Spanish mobiles.
45:13It said, um, hey, Jacqueline, thanks for keeping Kenneth's little secret.
45:20He'll tell Troy in his own time, but he's so stressed and tired
45:24with the late nights and early mornings,
45:26he doesn't need Troy criticising his choices right now.
45:29Any more thoughts about a name?
45:31No, I didn't get that.
45:33Oh.
45:36Oh, sugar.
45:37What?
45:38I sent that to Troy by mistake.
45:40Oh, shit!
45:41Look at that.
45:42The sweet smell of success.
45:45It's 200 euros, then.
45:47Nice!
45:48And you said this taxi business was a bad idea.
45:50Right.
45:51Food.
45:52Oh, Matteo, love.
45:54I'll have the steak and kidney pie and falafel.
45:58We have slight problems in the kitchen today.
46:01We only have a stew or veggie surprise.
46:03Oh, stew.
46:05Don't know if I fancy that.
46:06What kind of stew?
46:08Just regular stew.
46:09And what kind of meat is it?
46:12It's what we are calling mystery meat.
46:16It's fun for the children, no?
46:18Veggie surprise for me.
46:20Yeah, for me as well.
46:21I'll go with the mystery meat stew.
46:24I think I've had every kind of meat.
46:27I bet you have.
46:28So I'm happy to solve the mystery.
46:30Muchas gracias.
46:36I'm surprised Kenneth didn't go for it.
46:41Benny Doll's very own Motown Jonathan there.
46:44He'll be back later.
46:45But first, the star of the show is you.
46:48It's karaoke time.
46:50Finally!
46:51Starting in five minutes' time.
46:53Oh.
46:54Okay.
46:55One mystery meat stew.
46:57How was veggie surprise?
46:59Oh, I beg your pardon.
47:02And one veggie surprise.
47:04Would you need anything else?
47:06No, I'm okay, thanks.
47:08Excuse me.
47:09I'm going to sound really stupid here,
47:10but this veggie surprise looks like it's got meat in it.
47:13Yes, I know.
47:14This is the surprise.
47:19Actually, as surprises go,
47:21you've got to admit, that's quite a good one.
47:24Yeah, but not if you weren't expecting it.
47:26Mum, I'm too excited to go to sleep.
47:28You are going to bed right after our tea.
47:31Where is that bloody waiter?
47:33You excited about going to London, Geordie?
47:35Oh, all right, we're all excited, but that's enough.
47:38And you don't mind going with your nana, darling?
47:40I told you, I don't mind who I go with.
47:42Oh, we are all so proud of you.
47:44What's this? We haven't ordered yet.
47:47Special stew for everyone tonight.
47:49Oh, what a kind of stew.
47:53Oh, get it, Hettan.
47:54There are people starving in Halifax.
47:56Yes! Yes, Eddie, just get it, Hett!
48:03Mate, I'm not feeling this stew.
48:05Do you want to try the veggie surprise?
48:07Veggie surprise?
48:14Good one, Joey.
48:15That's the first really good one he's had.
48:17Oh, there you are.
48:18I didn't recognise you with your clothes on.
48:20Listen, that wasn't our fault today.
48:22We made a genuine mistake.
48:24And OK, it was the wrong bar,
48:26but we packed the place out and I think we did a good job.
48:29Calm down, don't get your mankini in a twist.
48:31I bring good news.
48:33Jose from the Westerbar was pissed off he didn't turn up,
48:35but the bar opposite where you were
48:37was so impressed with the crowd you pulled
48:39they've asked if you can work for them a couple of hours tonight.
48:42I don't know. I think we've had enough for one day.
48:45What do you say, Joey?
48:46My old man always said,
48:48why spend money when you can be earning it?
48:51Why not do both?
48:53I tell you what, why don't we do it all together?
48:55Wouldn't mind seeing you in your pants again.
48:57What about me?
48:58I want talking to you.
49:01Right, we'll be leaving in ten minutes.
49:03But first of all, I feel a song coming on.
49:09OK.
49:13Ladies and gentlemen,
49:14just before I start us off with the karaoke,
49:16I've been asked by a few people
49:18about the food being served this evening.
49:20We're glad you're enjoying it.
49:22And if you want to make it at home,
49:24just see your favourite barman, Matteo.
49:27He'll be pleased to give you his recipe
49:29for a little baby rabbit stew.
49:34Oh, my God!
49:38Is that right, what she just said?
49:40Judy, it's OK.
49:41It's a baby rabbit!
49:59Honestly, Liam, you're driving along with the wind in your hair.
50:02And the sound of children screaming,
50:04drowned out by banana armour on the sound system.
50:06You wonder why you spend most of your days
50:08cooped up in that salon, you rarely do.
50:10You're not thinking of leaving the salon, are you?
50:12No, don't be ridiculous.
50:13Some things in life you can't fight.
50:15I was born to style.
50:16But I am going to tell Troy tomorrow that I'm going part-time.
50:19Thanks, love.
50:21Did you hear what Sam said?
50:22It's all rabbit.
50:23Doesn't bother me.
50:25There's not much veg in it for stew, is there?
50:29Mind you, if it is rabbit,
50:31he'd probably eat all the carrots.
50:39Another text from Troy.
50:41So excited about seeing you tomorrow,
50:43the champagne will be on me
50:45for us to celebrate the pitter-patter of tiny feet.
50:50So that's why he's been sending angry, stressed-out messages.
50:54Why?
50:55I know him and Gavin have talked about it,
50:58but I can't believe he's done it on his own.
51:02He's adopted a baby.
51:07Again, cross wires.
51:15We didn't even really hear Sam's song there, did we?
51:20It was all punctuated by people going,
51:23oh, it's baby rabbits too.
51:27I mean, they overdid that, didn't they?
51:32Like, again, I maybe can concede.
51:36If there's loads and loads of little kids there
51:40and you say it like that and go,
51:42it's little baby rabbits,
51:44then yeah, a little kid might go,
51:46I was eating a little bunny rabbit.
51:50Then yeah, of course, the kids,
51:54but if you just go, yeah, you've got rabbits too,
51:57it's no different than you eating chicken.
52:00And a chicken, again, if you say,
52:02oh, you're having curry tonight,
52:04yeah, yeah, what's in it?
52:05Oh, it's a little baby chick.
52:07Again, little kids are going to,
52:09little baby chick, raising a chick.
52:14Look, they overplayed that.
52:17They did, they overplayed that dramatically, my God.
52:23The question I have though, though,
52:25is at what point did they cock up the order?
52:29Because when Matteo went to the guy, Wolfgang,
52:36he said 50 kilos of chicken,
52:40deliver it in an hour,
52:43and yeah, it's all going to be fine.
52:47So at what point did it all go wrong
52:49and then they've got no chicken,
52:50so they have to make rabbit stew?
52:54You know?
52:56Dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.
52:59Yeah, great, good episode, you know,
53:03not great, you know,
53:05not really great top tier stuff.
53:08Sorry.
53:12Imagine someone biting on a spoon
53:14and I'm just getting,
53:15I've said it before,
53:16I get this sort of horrible feeling.
53:19It's like,
53:22sorry, I'll be a bit.
53:24Yeah, it's not going to be a top tier level.
53:29It's not.
53:30We know that.
53:32It was fun.
53:34I enjoyed what they did.
53:35Interesting what they're doing with Sam and Joey.
53:39I just wish we try and make Joey
53:42a little bit less of a moron.
53:44You know, he's lovable,
53:46but yeah, there's just,
53:49we need to,
53:51we need to find the Liam balance,
53:53as I like to call it.
53:54Like Liam was really, really annoying,
53:55but they tamed him quite quickly
53:57and made him lovable
53:58whilst still being a bit of a goofball.
54:01Joey's not quite lovable goof yet.
54:05You know, he's lovable, but annoying.
54:09A little bit like me in that regard.
54:12So again, don't forget,
54:14like I said, right at the very start,
54:15next week Ben and Norman's moving to a Tuesday
54:17for one week only.
54:18After that, I'll be back on a Monday
54:20as is always the case.
54:22But of course, if you're new, subscribe,
54:24turn on notifications,
54:25drop your comments down below,
54:26consider joining the Patreon,
54:27because very soon,
54:30of course, I'll be beginning
54:32Outnumbered series two on the channel
54:34on a weekly basis.
54:36But a couple of days before it's supposed to go live,
54:40I am going to be releasing every seven episodes
54:43on my Patreon.
54:45So of course you get early access
54:47with all my videos anyway,
54:48but that will be especially, especially early.
54:51So make sure you stay tuned for that.
54:53But for now, my name's Kevin.
54:55I am a geek,
54:56and you've been watching Kevin the Geek.
54:58Goodbye.