Teacher Of The Year (2015)

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Genres - Comedy, Drama | Release Date - May 19, 2015 | Run Time - 82 min.

Surrounded by the eccentric faculty of Truman High School, Mitch Carter wins the California Teacher of the Year award and immediately receives a tempting offer that may force him to leave his job.

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Transcript
00:00:00The littlest shmoop in the chicken coop goes moop, moop, moop.
00:00:20Moop, moop, moop.
00:00:21Moop, moop, moop.
00:00:22Moop, moop, moop.
00:00:24The skinniest shmoop in the chicken coop goes...
00:00:28Scoop, scoop, scoop.
00:00:30Scoop, scoop, scoop.
00:00:31She's getting all that food, right?
00:00:33She's scooping it all up.
00:00:43This is Truman High, a charter school in southwestern Los Angeles, California.
00:00:54Mitch Carter is head of Truman's English department
00:00:57and was recently named California Teacher of the Year.
00:01:00He is now a nominee for the National Award.
00:01:02Love my job.
00:01:03Not every day, of course, but it's a good life.
00:01:13Ronald Dausche is the school's principal.
00:01:16Start now.
00:01:19Welcome.
00:01:21Truman is a newer high school, opened in 2007.
00:01:26Our first senior class just graduated this last spring.
00:01:29We serve over a thousand students,
00:01:31most of them from right here in good old southwestern Los Angeles.
00:01:36Some kids back there.
00:01:39Hey, guys.
00:01:44Terrific.
00:01:52And...
00:01:57We are fortunate enough to have some of the latest technology available.
00:02:01Beautiful chemistry labs.
00:02:03They did such a nice job on the installation.
00:02:06Two well-stocked computer labs training on many programs.
00:02:09Great start, great foundation, great base.
00:02:11We'll have the giant hammer come up here with a clock.
00:02:13Good douche!
00:02:15And, of course, our nationally ranked robotics team.
00:02:18Shoot something out. Oh, this is a great start.
00:02:30In 1999, I was writing for Mattel Toys for their Barbie doll website.
00:02:36Barbie for President.
00:02:38I was supposed to be writing Barbie's election platform.
00:02:42You know, more swimming pools.
00:02:45No brown shoes with black pants.
00:02:48Six months later, I was a teacher.
00:03:06This is a tough part of town.
00:03:08The kids know it's not going to be easy.
00:03:10We're giving them hope.
00:03:12Throwing them a rope.
00:03:14Throwing them a rope.
00:03:15The kids are appreciative of that.
00:03:19Of what we do here for them.
00:03:22For the community.
00:03:24It's, um...
00:03:26Wow, I'm getting a little filled up here.
00:03:30But, uh...
00:03:33I take a lot of pride in that.
00:03:35Douche!
00:03:36You know what? It's pronounced douche!
00:03:38Not douche!
00:03:40Douche!
00:03:42It's the same spelling, but the Dutch pronunciation!
00:03:45That is it, young man! That is it, I see you!
00:03:47That is detention!
00:03:48Detention for the entire year!
00:03:51Put the cameras away!
00:03:52Put them away!
00:03:54Put them away!
00:03:55Turn off those phones!
00:03:56Okay, you know what? As soon as I'm done here, that is it for you!
00:03:58Confiscated! Both of you!
00:04:00Phones are going to be gone!
00:04:06It's pronounced douche.
00:04:13Okay, let's get settled in!
00:04:15This is not a bad dream.
00:04:17It is Monday. You are back in class.
00:04:19I want you to take out your journals and take a look at the topic on the board.
00:04:22I want you guys to write about something that you like.
00:04:25But you hide it from your friends because you are afraid of what they will think.
00:04:30Okay, okay, okay, okay. I'll go first.
00:04:35When I was in high school, I really loved the ballet.
00:04:38My mother used to take me to see the Nutcracker every Christmas.
00:04:41But I was afraid that my friends would make fun of me,
00:04:43so I told them that she was taking me to a Laker game.
00:04:47All right, you guys are up now. You've got 15 minutes.
00:04:51I like to start class with a writing exercise.
00:04:53It gets their brains in the right place, especially on a Monday.
00:05:01Okay, what's your responses?
00:05:04Oh, come on!
00:05:05What's your responses?
00:05:08Oh, come on! I told you about the ballet.
00:05:11It's all downhill from there.
00:05:13Zola.
00:05:14Sometimes when I'm depressed, the only thing that makes me feel better
00:05:18is listening to Dora the Explorer song on my iPod.
00:05:23Marcus.
00:05:27One time when I was visiting my grandparents,
00:05:30I woke up in the middle of the night to take some Advil,
00:05:33and it was my grandpa's Viagra.
00:05:37You were supposed to write about something that you liked.
00:05:40Did you like that?
00:05:43Are you going to be talking to the other teachers, too?
00:05:48I think it's important, and this is why.
00:05:51I mean, yeah, I'm Teacher of the Year, which is great, and I love it.
00:05:55I love that you guys are here doing this movie.
00:05:57I think it's important.
00:05:58I hope we can show something about public schools and what's happening here.
00:06:01But the award itself is really the byproduct
00:06:05of all of our work together here at this school.
00:06:08Yes, I won it, but, you know,
00:06:14I don't do this by myself, I guess is all I'm saying.
00:06:17These kids don't get better just because I show up and do my thing.
00:06:22I'm not laughing. I'm being serious here.
00:06:24You come on.
00:06:26We are the Hammers, though we're not married.
00:06:28No, we are not.
00:06:29My name is Clive Hammer.
00:06:30I am Lowell Hammer.
00:06:31And we are guidance counselors.
00:06:32Well, we're college counselors.
00:06:34But we guide you to college.
00:06:36So we're kind of like religious leaders, shamans.
00:06:41It's actually shaman.
00:06:42It's shaman.
00:06:43Well, shaman suggests that we shame them.
00:06:45Which we're not afraid to do.
00:06:46Which we will use shame.
00:06:47So...
00:06:50We will answer questions.
00:06:51We've got experience.
00:06:52We speak from the hip.
00:06:53We throw it from the kneecap, which is even lower than the hip.
00:06:57Yeah, well, some guys will talk from the hip.
00:06:59We take it from the kneecap.
00:07:00We throw it from below the hip, which is even a straighter shot.
00:07:04Yeah, it's a straight shot, straight into your mouth.
00:07:06Think about it like this.
00:07:08If college were hell...
00:07:10And it is, guys.
00:07:12For a while, it's hell.
00:07:13Best time of your life, best years of your life.
00:07:15But it's hellish.
00:07:16It's like a burning inferno of hell and hatred.
00:07:18It's terrible.
00:07:19Think of us as like a two-headed dog.
00:07:21And we're sitting on that River Styx in a boat.
00:07:24Right, and we've got to take you across.
00:07:25You can't swim through the River Styx.
00:07:27No, you can't.
00:07:28You can't do that.
00:07:29I'd like to see you try it.
00:07:30I wish you could try.
00:07:31I dare you.
00:07:32You're going to burn your legs off.
00:07:33But you get with us.
00:07:34You're in the boat.
00:07:35We take you across.
00:07:36We guide you to where you need to go.
00:07:37We get you to hell.
00:07:38Yeah.
00:07:39No, I think the secret is we know everything.
00:07:42Assume that they know nothing.
00:07:44Kids are stupid.
00:07:45You have to start from that point and then work your way backwards.
00:07:48Or forward.
00:07:49Forward.
00:07:50Or laterally.
00:07:51Yeah.
00:07:52You asked when the applications are due for UCLA.
00:07:55Those were due yesterday.
00:07:56Yesterday.
00:07:58That is a no-apply zone.
00:08:00Yeah.
00:08:01So forget about that one.
00:08:02USC tomorrow.
00:08:04Exactly.
00:08:05So six essays.
00:08:06You knock them out tonight.
00:08:07You're good to go.
00:08:08Five-hour energy.
00:08:09Pop one of those in your mouth.
00:08:10Boom, boom, boom.
00:08:11You're gold.
00:08:12Get a couple of Coke Zeros.
00:08:14None of those calories.
00:08:16But you are still learning and you are still staying awake.
00:08:20Can she do that?
00:08:22Can you just hop out of here right now and just start on that process?
00:08:24She can't?
00:08:25She can't.
00:08:26Okay.
00:08:27You cram it tonight.
00:08:28Tonight.
00:08:29You'll get in there tonight.
00:08:30The problem is that teaching is tougher today because they put hormones in the milk
00:08:35so the girls start to menstruate at a younger age.
00:08:37It's awful.
00:08:39How do you know that?
00:08:41Morning, guys.
00:08:42Hey, morning, Wendy.
00:08:43Morning, Wendy.
00:08:44That is a lot of wrong answers there, Eric.
00:08:47Mm-hmm.
00:08:48Hey, check it out.
00:08:49Wendy's not wearing any underpants today.
00:08:50Jesus, do your kids know anything?
00:08:52That grading machine sounds like gunfire.
00:08:54I am aware of the results, Brian.
00:08:56You guys are worried about tests?
00:08:57She's going commando.
00:08:58Are you kidding me?
00:08:59Did you see these scores?
00:09:00Dude, I know you're married, but just look, for my sake, would you please?
00:09:04The average is 14.
00:09:05I can't even talk to you.
00:09:06Do you have a penis?
00:09:07Hey, Wendy, I brought that vanilla creamer that we both enjoy.
00:09:20Bam.
00:09:23Belly button showing.
00:09:25Bam.
00:09:29Cell phone and belly button showing.
00:09:31That's two.
00:09:33Enjoy your Saturday with me.
00:09:38Hey, there.
00:09:39Marv Collins, assistant principal and dean of students at Truman Heights.
00:09:43Actually, Mr. Collins, you can just look at me.
00:09:45Who helped Principal Dausche run the school?
00:09:47Principal Dausche does not need my help running this school.
00:09:51I think you can tell he's doing a pretty good job all by himself.
00:09:54You're not hiding the cell phones from me.
00:09:56You know you're getting detention, and you still have the cell phones out.
00:09:59No, yeah, I'm just the garbage man.
00:10:01You know, I take out the trash.
00:10:03Someone sees a future ahead of them, but you still have yours out.
00:10:06Put the cell phones away.
00:10:07Put the cell phones away.
00:10:08As you probably saw, we had a little kerfuffle this morning between a couple of our young men.
00:10:14Not their first go around, but let me tell you, it better be their last.
00:10:19Because one more infraction, and they're out of here.
00:10:24Uh, uh, uh, yeah, uh, Martin Luther King was very cool.
00:10:29And every year on his birthday, there ain't no school.
00:10:32Forget, forget, forget.
00:10:33Yeah.
00:10:36You getting a fight this morning? You're back in class this afternoon.
00:10:39How's that work?
00:10:41I don't know.
00:10:43You want to tell me what it was about?
00:10:45Nothing.
00:10:46Boy, I hope that's not true.
00:10:47I mean, if you're going to hit somebody, you better have a reason.
00:10:50I've got a reason.
00:10:51Yeah, yeah, I'm sure it's excellent.
00:10:52Aren't we going to be late?
00:10:54Yeah, hurry up.
00:10:55Late for what?
00:10:56Soccer practice.
00:10:58This is the first year Truman's fielded a varsity soccer team.
00:11:02Although I'm not sure you can call this soccer.
00:11:07I'd like to see us win a game.
00:11:09Or maybe just score a goal.
00:11:11That'd be nice.
00:11:12Most days I'd settle for a practice field with grass.
00:11:19Okay, shake it off, Derek.
00:11:22Hey, you're California Teacher of the Year.
00:11:25These guys know who you are.
00:11:27But you're telling me that you didn't recommend me?
00:11:29Absolutely I did.
00:11:30But they'd already seen the article in the Times.
00:11:33Picture of your family.
00:11:35They asked me about you.
00:11:38The National Association of Soccer Players.
00:11:41The National Independent School Association sent you to come get me.
00:11:45This is what I'm telling you, yeah.
00:11:47To lobby for them.
00:11:49What the hell do I know about lobbying?
00:11:51Well, it's not like you'll be the only one.
00:11:53It's a team and they want to make an addition.
00:11:55A veteran teacher who's had success in both public and private classrooms.
00:11:59To do what?
00:12:01To go on TV, make speeches, appear at schools, symposiums.
00:12:05They want you to be the new face of independent schools.
00:12:11And?
00:12:13$120,000 to start.
00:12:18Are you serious?
00:12:21To start.
00:12:23Plus an expense account, moving expenses, unbelievable health benefits.
00:12:27Moving expenses.
00:12:29To where?
00:12:31Well, we're in D.C. about two weeks each month.
00:12:34Some people decide to just move out there, some don't.
00:12:36D.C., I don't know if I can do that.
00:12:38Like I said, some don't. I didn't.
00:12:40And you don't have to decide right away.
00:12:43This is a job offer. It's not a job interview.
00:12:47Well, you're going to have to meet with the NISA director, Ellen Baer.
00:12:53But honestly, the way she talks about you, I think she just wants your autograph.
00:13:01Are you interested in that job?
00:13:03I don't know.
00:13:05A lot of changes to consider.
00:13:08The travel, for one.
00:13:10How much does Truman pay you?
00:13:13If you don't mind me asking.
00:13:17A little under 70.
00:13:22Is that why you're smiling?
00:13:25No, not just that. It's just, you know, when you teach, you kind of forget what it's like to have a real job.
00:13:31And I guess I thought maybe I'd never have another one.
00:13:35You don't consider teaching to be a real job?
00:13:38You just spent the day with me, did you?
00:13:43Oh, I'm so hungry. I'm so hungry. I want some belly. I want some belly.
00:13:52Oh, the belly's so good. So good. I couldn't possibly eat any more belly. I'm so full.
00:13:58Oh, wait. Yes, I can.
00:14:01So, what's this?
00:14:03The National Independent School Association website.
00:14:07Who they are, what they do.
00:14:10How's it look?
00:14:12Oh, you know. Tax exemptions, school vouchers, looking out for the interests of rich kids and their rich parents.
00:14:20It's basically everything I've ever fought against for my whole career.
00:14:25Nobody proofreads. This guy says his paper is about Mark Train.
00:14:32Unbelievable.
00:14:34They're not all like that.
00:14:36Look, Daddy. I drew a princess and she's saying I love you.
00:14:40Oh, that's beautiful, Angel. You spell better than Daddy's students.
00:14:43Stop it.
00:14:47Listen to this. The boy said, I was hungry, hungry, hungry. This shows he was hungry.
00:14:57Teacher of the year, huh?
00:15:05Had a lot of him, I forgot. Circumstance in place.
00:15:10Him say Magnificent.
00:15:13You know, I'm real happy that you guys are giving Mitch Carter all this attention and you're here to see him.
00:15:19But it's Ron Dausche, who's the motor behind this house.
00:15:23He's the kid in the hamster wheel, so to speak.
00:15:26This guy's going to be superintendent of LA Unified.
00:15:30I'm hitching my wagon to that star. Best believe that.
00:15:32I mean, he says put this campus on lockdown. It's lockdown.
00:15:36Miss Curtis, Nia cannot come to school dressed like this.
00:15:40Why not? She looks good.
00:15:42Nia, you can't. Look at your skirt. Leave something to the imagination.
00:15:48Why should I make them imagine it when I can just show it to them?
00:15:51You know, but I've had enough of this, all right? She is beautiful. I am beautiful.
00:15:55I was a JV cheerleader when I had her, all right? That, out of here.
00:15:59Uh, yes.
00:16:02Okay, let's get started. I have your Huck Finn papers for you.
00:16:07And I see that a lot of you are still making the same mistakes because you refuse to proofread.
00:16:13Look, if it's a problem with spelling or vocabulary, I can help you with that.
00:16:18But when the name of the book is Huckleberry Finn and you spell Huckleberry wrong?
00:16:23I can't do anything for you there. Or you spell your own name wrong?
00:16:26Come on, Mr. Carter. Nobody did that.
00:16:29Oh, no. Yeah, somebody did, Marcus. Or should I call you Macris?
00:16:36Ladies and gentlemen, in the eyes of the law, you are still children.
00:16:39But here, in this classroom, you are adults.
00:16:42So as much as I may disagree with you, I have to respect your decision not to get smarter.
00:16:47This is America, where the Constitution protects your right to stay down.
00:16:50The Constitution protects your right to stay down.
00:17:00Brendan had a bellyache and had to get more sleep.
00:17:05Please execute him.
00:17:09I wish I could go back.
00:17:12Wait, so you guys are here because Mitch Carter won Teacher of the Year?
00:17:16Wow, I didn't even know a decision had been made.
00:17:20I guess I was busy then. And that's for the whole city?
00:17:23Whole state.
00:17:25Whole state. Okay. He's a good guy.
00:17:28Really nice cat.
00:17:31Can I speak frankly for a second? Because I'm sorry, but he teaches English.
00:17:35Okay, that's a dead language. The kids already speak it when they come to school.
00:17:38I'm dealing with the future. It's robotics.
00:17:41I mean, in my class on Monday, it's Wednesday.
00:17:46Alright, let's assimilate.
00:17:50Alright, now you guys have won the last four city championships,
00:17:53and today we're going to make it number five.
00:17:55But more importantly, when the robots take over,
00:17:58and that day's coming sooner than people think,
00:18:00you guys are going to be ready.
00:18:03And you're going to be waiting for them, just like me.
00:18:06Okay? Let's fuse.
00:18:16Four years in a row, we've lost the National Robot Championships,
00:18:18otherwise referred to as the Super Robot Bowl.
00:18:21Today's the city's. City robots.
00:18:24We always rule that. And state robots, we fly through.
00:18:27We've had problems with the national robots.
00:18:31Not this year. Not this year.
00:18:37I guess, I mean, I'm just a little disappointed in your behavior.
00:18:40I mean, aren't you?
00:18:42Yes, Mr. Dosa.
00:18:44And if I suspend you, you're just going to feel like you're getting an extra week of spring break.
00:18:46So instead, you're going to have a week of in-house suspension.
00:18:53Now, Mr. Carter believes that soccer's been a good outlet for you.
00:18:56Yeah. Yes.
00:18:58He also feels that you should be allowed to continue playing, and I agree.
00:19:01Thank you, Mr. Dosa. Thank you.
00:19:03But he has also promised me he'd have you run sprints for an extra 20 minutes after practice every day next week.
00:19:09Ah, ah, oh, ah, ah, ah.
00:19:13Now take a pretzel.
00:19:17Not in here. Alex, crumbs.
00:19:23Jeez.
00:19:27There's not a lot of time during the day to teach a young man or woman a lesson like that.
00:19:33So, hopefully, I got through to him, made a difference in his life.
00:19:37That guy's a dick.
00:19:47Seriously, like, these are not lockers. This is for mail and news and bug spray. I'm just…
00:19:56What's up, Ian?
00:19:58Oh, hey, Stephen. Just got the Titan hot off the presses.
00:20:01Ooh, nice. Yeah, you guys are doing some great work.
00:20:04Yeah, you gotta check out the piece we did on the water fountain in the gym.
00:20:06Yeah, we tested it for bacteria. Covered in microorganisms.
00:20:10That's fantastic. How long have you been teaching here?
00:20:12This is my first year. My first full year.
00:20:14Almost a full year.
00:20:16This is great.
00:20:18I'm really making the paper my thing. I'm really proud of what the students are doing.
00:20:20Super. That article about Kathy Bannon's puppy?
00:20:23Yeah.
00:20:25Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's gonna be great. It'll teach a lot of kids responsibility about taking care of puppies and stuff.
00:20:29And that's something the kids need to learn about before they go on to college.
00:20:33Fantastic stuff.
00:20:35Good job, Ian.
00:20:37Thanks.
00:20:41What's happening, kids?
00:20:42Hey, man.
00:20:44What do you have this year?
00:20:46I don't know. What's the matter?
00:20:48Why is my kid an idiot?
00:20:50Because you're an idiot. In and out.
00:20:52Are you serious?
00:20:54Am I the only one who does that?
00:20:56That's genius.
00:20:58That's a brilliant idea is what that is.
00:21:00Teacher of the year.
00:21:02Don, where's my vest?
00:21:04Oh, where's my vest?
00:21:06I'm the vest guy.
00:21:08It's fun to joke around in the lounge.
00:21:10But I love this job.
00:21:12I love the kids. I love math.
00:21:15Most days I cannot wait to get to work.
00:21:18The magic math hat goes to Lamont.
00:21:22Yes, thank you, thank you, please, please.
00:21:25Oh, thank you, Lamont. Thank you so much for being so smart.
00:21:32But I have to ask, what is the mnemonic device?
00:21:38Oh, shit.
00:21:41I'm fired up about teaching.
00:21:43I do it with passion. I don't apologize for it.
00:21:46And I expect my students to match my passion with their own.
00:21:49I think they appreciate the effort.
00:21:51At the very least, they're entertained.
00:21:53And me. Co-sign.
00:21:55Co-sign. Co-sign.
00:21:57Are you rolling now?
00:21:59Yeah.
00:22:01That is so cool.
00:22:02I mean, it's like, it's like we're, it's like Spinal Tap or something.
00:22:10It's like, we're just teaching and you guys are filming.
00:22:14It's a little creepy, but I take my teaching and I turn it up to 11, to 11.
00:22:21I was never really good at accents, but 11, no?
00:22:25You don't know Spinal Tap?
00:22:27Wow.
00:22:29I say turn down the job.
00:22:30Are you nuts?
00:22:31Teaching is just calling.
00:22:32Take the money.
00:22:33Teaching is obviously not about cash. It elevates the spirit.
00:22:35Oh my god, do not listen to him, Mitch. This is just Berkeley jibber jabber.
00:22:38Why are you so mean to me?
00:22:39Because I can be, and I'm older than you, alright?
00:22:42Look, ten years from now, you'll be making almost the same as you do now.
00:22:45And you'll be killing yourself for not taking this job.
00:22:47Why is this the only way for me to make this kind of money?
00:22:50I love teaching. You know, apparently other people think I'm pretty good at it too.
00:22:53Why can't I make a hundred grand doing this?
00:22:55Because you can't take the money.
00:22:58If I'm coming on strong, that's not my intention.
00:23:00I just feel really confident that advertising with us is going to help your business.
00:23:05I'm the sales director at a local mixed media company.
00:23:08They let me work from home three days a week, which is really helpful.
00:23:11If we're right for you, then we're perfect for you.
00:23:14We, you know, we just want to meet your needs.
00:23:17That's all. If you're not happy, if it's not working for you, then I'm not doing my job.
00:23:22Yeah, I'm not interested in just making this sale and leaving you hanging.
00:23:27No, I'm going to use my customized software to monitor your account and make sure that your ad is generating sales.
00:23:35Yeah. Oh gosh, it's unbelievable. It tells us who's noticing your ad, where they're shopping, what they're buying.
00:23:42I can do that. Yes, I can do that.
00:23:45I can do that too. That sounds very fair.
00:23:48It is a lot to promise, but I hope that shows you how much I want your business.
00:23:53Okay.
00:23:55Alright, I'll send the contracts over first thing in the morning.
00:23:59Okay. Thank you.
00:24:03Bye-bye.
00:24:07Yay.
00:24:10Mitch, I admire your success in both the public and private sectors.
00:24:14Dan, I think your career highlights the best qualities of independent schools.
00:24:17Well, come on, you can't really compare Harry Truman Charter to Episcopal Academy.
00:24:21Charter schools walk the line. They're public schools that take advantage of many of private schools' benefits.
00:24:25Private and charter are practically the same thing.
00:24:27That's a very difficult argument to make, Ms. Baird.
00:24:30I couldn't agree with you more.
00:24:33How would you make it?
00:24:36Well, um, let's see.
00:24:44They both have entry requirements greater than residency.
00:24:47They both ask for a personal commitment of time or money or both from the student and frequently from the student's family.
00:24:54As a society, we choose to spend tax dollars on enrollment and fees at charter schools like Truman High.
00:24:59There is no reason why a few of those tax dollars couldn't go to private school tuitions as well.
00:25:05Even if it's not as much?
00:25:07A fraction.
00:25:09So, you can make that argument?
00:25:12Yes, ma'am.
00:25:13Yes, ma'am.
00:25:17Yeah, it would appear so.
00:25:22So, does that mean you want the job now?
00:25:24No. No, it just means I know I can do it.
00:25:29What the hell?
00:25:38Brian? What's going on, man?
00:25:40I got a problem.
00:25:41Why? What's happening?
00:25:42Ron suspended me today.
00:25:44What? Why?
00:25:45The fifth grader, he accused me of attacking her in tutorial today, and you know I did not do that.
00:25:49No, no, of course. I know. I know. Guys, please, just give me a second, alright? Please?
00:25:53Just back off. Please.
00:25:58She's an angry child. There has to be something going on at home, and at some point...
00:26:02Alright, have you heard from her parents at all? Have you talked to her mother or father?
00:26:05No, the mother I know has been in contact with Ron, but... and the worst part about...
00:26:08This is bad. This is so bad. Brian's in a tough spot.
00:26:12Why'd he come to you?
00:26:13I'm the union rep at our school, so he's supposed to come to me. Plus, we're friends. Good friends.
00:26:19We'll talk tomorrow, alright?
00:26:29Who is this girl? This is unbelievable.
00:26:31Her name is Faith Gregory, and he failed her last semester. He was trying to help her.
00:26:36I mean, that's why she was in his room to begin with.
00:26:38Well, can't Ron at least wait until he hears the story from everybody else first?
00:26:42I mean, he can't afford to, Kate. I mean, what if Brian did it?
00:26:45You think he did it?
00:26:47No, of course not. But, you know, Ron's just gotta cover his ass.
00:26:51Mitch, language, please.
00:26:54Oh, sorry. Hey, sweetie, can you go to your room and play for a little bit?
00:26:57Okay, Daddy.
00:26:58Thank you. I need to read you a book in a little bit.
00:27:01Okay.
00:27:02Okay.
00:27:03Can I say ass now?
00:27:05Oh my gosh, Jackie is pregnant. How is she handling this?
00:27:09I don't know. He was gonna give me a call after he told her.
00:27:12He hasn't told her yet?
00:27:14Well, it's not like I'd be rushing home to share the news with you, either.
00:27:18Huh. Oh my gosh, that is beautiful.
00:27:22Man.
00:27:23Oh, it's got a pool.
00:27:25A pool! We can go swim!
00:27:283,200 square feet, four bedrooms, four baths, and it is $414,000.
00:27:36No.
00:27:37That could get us a garage.
00:27:40That's quite a big difference from what we pay here.
00:27:46I don't know. It sounds like the interview went well, but also like there's gonna be way more travel than we expected.
00:27:55And even if we do move to Washington, D.C., he's gonna be gone a lot.
00:28:01He and Sierra have never even been apart for one day, so I'm not exactly sure how she's gonna take that, but...
00:28:09I don't even think we really have a choice.
00:28:12My job sucks, and I can barely handle that with one baby, much less two.
00:28:20I mean, when are we gonna get another opportunity like this, you know?
00:28:31Is it a boy?
00:28:33Don't start that.
00:28:35Come on, just ask him. Does it feel boyish?
00:28:39I'm at six weeks. It doesn't feel like anything yet.
00:28:43Okay, guys. Let's wrap for the night. Okay, thank you.
00:29:14Morning, guys. Let's have a great day of instruction. Huh?
00:29:18How you doing? Pull up those pants, young man. I can see your underwear.
00:29:21That's ridiculous. Why do you even have a belt?
00:29:24Hey, high five. Up top. Nope. We'll do that later.
00:29:27We will do that later, young man. All right.
00:29:30Who said that? You there. I see you.
00:29:34Yeah, Mitch found out that Truman was looking for new department chairs, and we applied at the same time.
00:29:38Why leave a private school like Episcopal to come here?
00:29:41I think Mitch was looking for the challenge of starting school from day one.
00:29:45Me, I just came because the pay was better.
00:29:48Any regrets?
00:29:50The kids at Episcopal weren't gifted. I missed that.
00:29:54I mean, you saw my class today.
00:29:57Okay, yesterday we talked about motors and motion.
00:30:00Can anyone name something that has a motor?
00:30:03Motorboat?
00:30:05Yes, a motorboat does have a motor.
00:30:08Anybody else?
00:30:10Fondra?
00:30:11A vibrator.
00:30:18Yeah, that's great.
00:30:20Look, my best students are fantastic.
00:30:22They'll go on to UCLA, Stanford, and they'll be great.
00:30:25But some of these other kids, I'm just at a loss to explain their behavior.
00:30:31We're going to watch a short film.
00:30:33A physics movie?
00:30:35Oh, God.
00:30:37Yes, Lamont, today we're going to watch Scarface.
00:30:44It can be tough sometimes.
00:30:48Very tough.
00:30:50I'm not saying you're an idiot.
00:30:52I'm saying what you're saying is idiotic.
00:30:54I see what you're saying.
00:30:56If somebody believes that they're born in the light of Uranus, and they think it makes sense.
00:31:01That's way too easy.
00:31:05I get that joke too much. Don't even go there.
00:31:07I get that too much. Don't even go there.
00:31:09How does that hurt anyone's feelings?
00:31:11Have you seen Ursula Featherstone's class?
00:31:14It's unusual.
00:31:16Okay, our quarterly test is tomorrow.
00:31:19And I think the best way for us to review our two books,
00:31:22The Miracle Worker, about Helen Keller, and The Diary of Anne Frank, is through song.
00:31:27So here we go.
00:31:50Shh, shh, shh, shh.
00:31:52Shh.
00:32:11And you're her supervisor?
00:32:13Yeah, yeah.
00:32:15So yeah, I've sat through her class many times.
00:32:17And I gotta tell you, even though it is unusual,
00:32:19her kids retain a lot of what she teaches them.
00:32:22In her test course, they always show improvement.
00:32:24This is what I'm trying to tell you.
00:32:26Each teacher reaches the kids in their own way.
00:32:28There's no one way to do this job.
00:32:31You're always looking for the new, better, shinier way to deliver basically the same old message.
00:32:37The thing is, if the message is solid, it's always worth learning.
00:32:42Okay, guys. How are you?
00:32:44How's everybody doing? We are the Hammer Brothers.
00:32:46My name is Clive Hammer.
00:32:48I am Lowell Hammer. We like to bring the hammer.
00:32:50Stop. Hammer time.
00:32:52Which is what we said. That's how long we've been doing it.
00:32:54We've been doing it for years, guys.
00:32:55So you probably don't remember MC Hammer, but we've been doing it back since his day.
00:32:59Yeah.
00:33:00When he had a day.
00:33:01And, uh...
00:33:02Think of us as liaisons between you and college.
00:33:05And some of you might not know what liaison means.
00:33:07But we are college counselors.
00:33:09Think of us as the people who define the word liaison for you.
00:33:12I asked for help in my financial aid application.
00:33:15And they told me to mark my ethnicity as caramel.
00:33:18Caramel? Why wouldn't we do our job?
00:33:20Who doesn't like caramel?
00:33:22Everyone loves caramel.
00:33:23You see caramel on an application, you're like, I want a piece of that.
00:33:25You hear that.
00:33:26I want a piece of that.
00:33:27You start to salivate, right?
00:33:29Pavlovian. You salivate. Kid's in.
00:33:33They said that if I want to go to Stanford, I have to wear more hats.
00:33:36They said Stanford likes hat people.
00:33:39Palo Alto's a hat town.
00:33:40Stanford is like a huge hat school.
00:33:42Yeah.
00:33:43I mean, you're not wearing a hat, you're not fitting in.
00:33:45And if you don't know that, then you're not doing your job as a college counselor.
00:33:49They said colleges would like me better if I lost 60 pounds.
00:33:53So, I'm bulimic now.
00:33:56But it's for my education, so it's okay.
00:34:00That was unfortunate.
00:34:01That was not a great...
00:34:02Was not our plan.
00:34:04I mean, she just kept...
00:34:06But if you look at her now...
00:34:07She kept losing.
00:34:08Look at her now, she looks pretty good.
00:34:09If she just keeps it, if she doesn't go any further, she's good.
00:34:15You don't need any of these states right here.
00:34:16Yeah, forget these states. These are just full of fat, mad people.
00:34:19That's right.
00:34:20You see these states? Fat, angry people.
00:34:21As you can see right in here, this is the Big Ten.
00:34:24A lot of football, a lot of drinking, a lot of keg stands.
00:34:28This is where you want to be.
00:34:29So, I mean, that is college right there.
00:34:31Yeah, if you think about college, think about a guy passed out in a bush,
00:34:35urinating on himself, all over his own pants.
00:34:37Like a homeless person would.
00:34:39That's University of Illinois right there.
00:34:41In a nutshell.
00:34:43On the crest.
00:34:44That is what it is.
00:34:45And then also, we're out here, guys. We're in California.
00:34:48You can stay here at home.
00:34:49If you don't want to go all the way out over here, stay here at home.
00:34:51Why?
00:34:52Three words.
00:34:53Weed is legal.
00:34:55Nailed it.
00:34:56Yeah.
00:34:57I don't know how we do it. It's magic.
00:34:58There are times when I wake up and I wish I knew.
00:35:01And then there are times when I wish I didn't know.
00:35:03And right now is one of those times.
00:35:05And I wish I didn't know that I do know.
00:35:08And you still don't know.
00:35:10Now, I know what you guys are thinking. I'll take it from here.
00:35:12I know what you guys are thinking.
00:35:14I got to get to New York City.
00:35:16Right? By Coastal.
00:35:17Get me to the Big Apple.
00:35:18I'll tail it up there.
00:35:19No.
00:35:20That is a bad idea.
00:35:21You are going to get cut.
00:35:22You're going to get cut a lot.
00:35:23We got cut.
00:35:24We went to New York City.
00:35:25We got cut twice.
00:35:26Same guy.
00:35:27And that, more than anything, tells you don't go see a matinee of Spider-Man the Musical on a Wednesday.
00:35:32Not during the middle of the week, you don't.
00:35:34Tail it up here.
00:35:35Hightail it down here.
00:35:36Amish country.
00:35:37Pennsylvania.
00:35:38Franklin and Marshall University.
00:35:39Great school.
00:35:40Go out there.
00:35:41You roll an Amish guy.
00:35:42That should be on all of your bucket lists.
00:35:43It's fun.
00:35:44Right?
00:35:45Get a couple cocktails in you.
00:35:46Get out there with some friends.
00:35:47They're not going to fight back.
00:35:48Maybe they'll throw a butter churn at you.
00:35:50Maybe.
00:35:54Second place.
00:35:55City finals.
00:35:58And forget nationals.
00:35:59We don't even qualify for states.
00:36:02I won the first place trophy, too.
00:36:03It was a silver cup.
00:36:05I could have drank my coffee out of it in the morning, but now it's just me and the little guy.
00:36:11There will be no Super Robot Bowl 5.
00:36:14That's for sure.
00:36:23The Scarlet Letter gives Hester the power to see the sin in others.
00:36:26So she knows that nearly everyone in the Boston area believes that they're sinners.
00:36:30When they learn of Hester's public sin of adultery, they jump at the chance to punish her because they want to prove their purity to everyone else.
00:36:37Hawthorne tells us that everyone sins, going back to Adam and Eve failing God in the Garden of Eden.
00:36:43And we feel so guilty.
00:36:44Oh, no.
00:36:45God is disappointed in me.
00:36:47We feel bad, and it sucks.
00:36:49If we would just let each other's mistakes go, we'd be so much happier.
00:36:53But we don't.
00:36:54No, we're constantly trying to make each other feel bad, hoping that it'll make us feel better.
00:36:58And that is where evil comes from.
00:37:00Not from the devil, not from hell.
00:37:03Evil is simply a byproduct of human fear and weakness.
00:37:08All right, how about Claudius?
00:37:09He dies like a bitch.
00:37:10All right.
00:37:13Yeah, that's a start.
00:37:14Do you have a citation from the play to back that up?
00:37:17Yeah, I wrote it down here.
00:37:19Oh, yeah.
00:37:20Defend me, friends.
00:37:22I am but hurt.
00:37:24That's good.
00:37:25Good, you got one for Ophelia?
00:37:27I use act four, where she goes crazy just before she kills herself.
00:37:32Wrote it here.
00:37:35Young men will do it if they come to it.
00:37:38By cock they are to blame.
00:37:41Um, why'd you choose that quote?
00:37:43I don't know.
00:37:44Did you say cock?
00:37:45Yeah, you went deep there, didn't you?
00:37:47Kind of sounds like rap.
00:37:48Young men will do it if they come to it.
00:37:51By cock they are to blame.
00:37:53That's better than that crap you pulled in my class on Monday.
00:37:55Oh, Coach, why you gotta play it like that?
00:37:56You have any lunch?
00:37:58No, I didn't have any lunch.
00:37:59Take half my sandwich.
00:38:00Thanks.
00:38:03Thanks, Doc.
00:38:04Thanks for coming, bitch.
00:38:05Uh, well, yeah, no.
00:38:07We gotta get right on.
00:38:08Well, I'm all over it.
00:38:09I spoke to the mother.
00:38:11We're gonna meet with them and Mr. Campbell tomorrow afternoon.
00:38:14Good, good.
00:38:15Okay, I'm glad we're dealing with it right away.
00:38:16Yeah, me too.
00:38:17God, hopefully we can keep this out of the papers.
00:38:19Oh, God, if the media gets a hold of it, then Brian's career is over.
00:38:23You're kidding, right?
00:38:25Why?
00:38:27Mitch, Brian's finished.
00:38:28At this point, I'm just trying to protect the school.
00:38:30But he didn't do anything.
00:38:31Well, he must have done something.
00:38:33Why? Because a girl who's failing his class says so?
00:38:35Look, Mitch, I'm not insensitive to Brian's situation.
00:38:38It's just that the school cannot afford...
00:38:40He's got a family, Ron.
00:38:41Have you ever heard of one of these problems resolving itself peacefully?
00:38:45The teacher always takes the fall.
00:38:47Right, because bureaucrats like you are pushing him off the cliff.
00:38:50I spoke to the girl.
00:38:51I spoke to her mother.
00:38:52Did you speak to Brian?
00:38:53I mean, five years he has bled for this place.
00:38:55Don't be so melodramatic.
00:38:56Did you talk to Brian?
00:38:58Or did you just fire him and send him on his way?
00:39:00I don't have time for this.
00:39:01I'd like an answer to my question.
00:39:03Mitch, be here tomorrow at 5 p.m.
00:39:05This meeting is over.
00:39:10The thing about Ron is he has his own managerial style.
00:39:13There's worse. There's worse principles than Ron.
00:39:15Okay, guys, what are you doing?
00:39:17We shouldn't be talking about our boss on camera.
00:39:19He's an idiot.
00:39:20Okay.
00:39:22Ron Dausche couldn't lead three people out of an elevator with a map and a flashlight.
00:39:26Eric, come on. That's a little harsh.
00:39:28Whatever. I don't care.
00:39:30I got tenure.
00:39:36It's not that I don't like Ron Dausche.
00:39:38I don't like the way he does his job.
00:39:40I don't think he's here for the kids.
00:39:43Are you here for the kids?
00:39:45Or are you here for your next promotion?
00:39:48I don't really know her very well.
00:39:50Just by reputation.
00:39:52What I do know is that Brian has such a good heart.
00:39:55I just don't believe it's true.
00:39:57Yeah, Brian's in serious trouble.
00:39:59But he knows better.
00:40:00You never let yourself be alone in a room with a student.
00:40:04Girl or boy.
00:40:06Or even two.
00:40:09They work in teams sometimes.
00:40:11And they see me. I'm down in the gym.
00:40:13I'm on the treadmill.
00:40:14Shorts, tank top.
00:40:15A lot of times I get sweaty at lunch.
00:40:17You don't know what these kids are going to think.
00:40:19And you, at that age, they can't resist.
00:40:22So I need to be the one who steps up and says,
00:40:26not today, mister.
00:40:28Or missus.
00:40:30Or both of you.
00:40:32Yeah. Yeah, we know the Campbells very well.
00:40:36The guys met in college.
00:40:37And then Jackie and I are really close.
00:40:42I mean, she's one of my best friends.
00:40:48I don't know, I'm just, I'm dying inside for this woman.
00:40:52But I swear to God, I have no idea what to say to her.
00:41:01What's going on at that school, what's been going on at that school,
00:41:04is disgusting.
00:41:06And people need to hear about it.
00:41:09We've just been bystanders this entire time.
00:41:12And I had no idea how that would end up hurting our family.
00:41:16And people need to know.
00:41:19If it wouldn't have been us, it would have been somebody else.
00:41:22I don't understand how someone so young could be so full of hate.
00:41:28So full of just vile and vicious anger to lash out like this.
00:41:33And I hate to say it, but the person that I look to is the mother.
00:41:38And I don't understand how she could have let this happen.
00:41:41And, you know, I'm about to become a mother.
00:41:43And I hate to be so judgmental, but if in 18 years I've become like that woman,
00:41:52I don't know how I could live with myself.
00:41:57This is the crib from Kate and Mitch.
00:42:00They gave it to us right after we told them that we were having Jackson.
00:42:04And now, of course, they need it.
00:42:07But they're letting us keep it because they're just wonderful.
00:42:11And they've been there for us through this, too.
00:42:14They were the first ones that we told.
00:42:17I met with a lawyer, which is bizarre.
00:42:23And I never expected to actually be in a situation of having to defend myself.
00:42:31And I waited for a phone call from my principal, Mr. Duchesne.
00:42:38And that didn't come.
00:42:42So I'm expecting to have to defend myself tomorrow.
00:42:47And hopefully be able to take care of my family.
00:43:02To say that parent-teacher conferences tend to cause some anxiety amongst the faculty would be a gross understatement.
00:43:09We've got a diverse bunch of personalities, and we all deal with the night in our own way.
00:43:22Personally, I can't say I dislike them because sometimes they're great.
00:43:26We know he's not studying enough.
00:43:28We took away his computer, his telephone.
00:43:30His TV. That's good. That's all good.
00:43:33It's an important part of our job.
00:43:35And when a conference goes well, it can really make a difference.
00:43:38Well, let's talk about some strategies you can employ, okay?
00:43:41If you would just turn the television off for five minutes and let him do his homework.
00:43:45Oh, how's the view from the grandstand, Phil?
00:43:47I'm the one raising him while you're out vacationing with your whore.
00:43:51In reality, though, it's usually a long night.
00:43:54Normally, I like the kids to believe that there are no stupid questions.
00:43:57But sometimes I think Marcus asks questions just to disrupt my class.
00:44:02Really? Can you give me an example?
00:44:08Well, last week, in the middle of a quiz, he raised his hand to ask me if I'd ever considered how weird the Teletubbies are.
00:44:15I love that moment when I tell the mother what her kid's been up to, and she makes that face.
00:44:21What?
00:44:23I call it the I'm-going-to-smack-his-ass-with-a-hairbrush-in-the-parking-lot face.
00:44:27The I'm-going-to-smack-his-ass-with-a-hairbrush-in-the-parking-lot face may not be my favorite thing about teaching, but it's definitely in the top five.
00:44:36Ooh, angry parents.
00:44:38Rough night, rough night.
00:44:40I don't like getting yelled at, I'll tell you that much.
00:44:42What is wrong with them?
00:44:43Well, honestly, what do you guys expect? You might be the worst guidance counselors of all time.
00:44:47I take that as a compliment.
00:44:48I like that. I'll tell you why. Because what would be worse is if you said nothing. We provoked a reaction.
00:44:54Yeah, that's what we do.
00:44:56You told students in my class that they probably wouldn't survive the day.
00:44:59Some of them won't. Or didn't.
00:45:01I don't know about that.
00:45:03Gotta rise outta ya.
00:45:04Mrs. Rose, simply put, your son is too stupid to be on the robotics team.
00:45:09How dare you say anything like that about my son?
00:45:11No, it's not me. It's nothing personal. I'm just wondering, did you drop him as a child? Was he deprived oxygen for over three minutes?
00:45:17How dare you say anything like that about my son?
00:45:19All I'm saying is if he doesn't get his act together, then I'm gonna design a robot specifically to choke him out.
00:45:25Um, Eric and I do a cover band.
00:45:28You know, this is one of the things, you know, we talk about Teacher of the Year, and I think a lot of times guys who go out and do all kinds of extracurricular activity, um...
00:45:35They have to make it happen.
00:45:37Yeah, and we're, you know, we show the kids...
00:45:39Not just in the classroom.
00:45:40Right. We show the kids that there's a world outside of school.
00:45:42Mm-hmm.
00:45:43And so we have a cover band. It is of a band I was a big fan of. It's called the Indigo Girls.
00:45:48Hmm. Yes, it's one of your favorites, isn't it?
00:45:50It is true. And, uh, so it's a duet and, uh, duo. And so one problem is...
00:45:56I don't... I don't play the guitar.
00:45:58Not a note. And, uh...
00:46:00And I don't sing.
00:46:01No, but the... Unfortunately, it was a duo, so I needed someone else, and you had weekends free.
00:46:05And so we'll do a gig down at, like, Ruby Tuesday's.
00:46:07You have no control over these kids!
00:46:09I see.
00:46:10You haven't taught my son one thing. He has not learned one thing in your class.
00:46:14Mrs. White, may I ask you a question?
00:46:16Oh, you have a question for me?
00:46:17Yes, if you don't mind.
00:46:18Oh, really? What is it?
00:46:19Why did you come here tonight?
00:46:21Excuse me?
00:46:22If you came here to find out how your son can do better in my class and get a higher grade, we can keep on talking.
00:46:29But if you've come here to yell at me, then this conference is over.
00:46:34Boom, baby!
00:46:37And don't you win!
00:46:42I swear to God, I would give back half my salary if they would let me punch a parent once again!
00:46:49Yes!
00:46:52So, we play Closer to Fine, and we'll do it at local establishments, and, uh...
00:46:57It's the only song I know.
00:46:59And I don't know it at all.
00:47:01You know, that's a problem, because he doesn't, uh...
00:47:04But I look good, so...
00:47:06And it's a duo, so we have to do it together.
00:47:08I add color.
00:47:12You add maybe too much color or something.
00:47:14Anyway.
00:47:15In some of the places we play, you know, it's not a colorful bar.
00:47:18Sometimes.
00:47:27So, Alex has been improving lately, but he does very little homework.
00:47:32Alejandro has been improving lately, but he does very little homework.
00:47:37I don't know what to do, Mr. Carter. He lies.
00:47:40He says he does his work, his homework, but I can't check it because I don't speak English.
00:47:46She says she doesn't know what to do because I lie and tell her that I do my homework,
00:47:50but she can't check because she doesn't speak any English.
00:47:54Asshole.
00:47:55Yes.
00:47:57Yes.
00:48:03Hey there.
00:48:06People will say we're in love.
00:48:09Parent-teacher conference, huh?
00:48:11I don't miss those.
00:48:13I didn't know you taught.
00:48:14Oh, three years. It wasn't for me.
00:48:17Look, John, um...
00:48:19I'm interested. I really am.
00:48:21But I... I'm just... I'm gonna need a couple of days.
00:48:24Well, my advice was to leave you alone, let you make up your own mind.
00:48:28But I got overruled.
00:48:31In favor of what?
00:48:33They told me to come right over here and raise the offer to $150,000.
00:48:39What?
00:48:41$150,000?
00:48:43To start.
00:48:51You're their number one draft pick, Mitch.
00:48:54Look, you call me tomorrow. Let me know what you want to do.
00:49:00Okay.
00:49:06Can I ask what you're thinking?
00:49:10I'm thinking it's an amazing opportunity.
00:49:15And I'm thinking it could change my life.
00:49:18So what's the problem?
00:49:21I'm trying to decide whether or not my life needs changing.
00:49:30Beep, beep, beep.
00:49:54You have to hear him out.
00:49:56I've heard this before. It's a great idea.
00:49:59Thank you, thank you. Let's just stop right there, okay?
00:50:01I'll tell you why it's a great idea.
00:50:02Because we have the oldest, wealthiest, healthiest generation retiring now that are still useful.
00:50:07They could contribute.
00:50:08My father. My father is 70 years old. He's a surgeon.
00:50:11They're about to force him out of the operating room.
00:50:13What the hell is he gonna do?
00:50:14He's gonna live another 40 years with today's technology.
00:50:17He's gonna go crazy.
00:50:18He should be here teaching AP biology, coaching the golf team, and making a contribution.
00:50:23Like he wants to.
00:50:25Here's what's gonna happen with that idea.
00:50:27Once you leave this building with that idea, it's gonna go to the bureaucracy.
00:50:30And once they get a hold of it, they're gonna shut it down.
00:50:33No!
00:50:34Because it's time.
00:50:35They didn't come up with the idea, so it's impossible to change.
00:50:38No, you need to start. You need to change from within.
00:50:42Hey, who's the union rep? That's you.
00:50:44Yes.
00:50:45So we need to go in through the union and get them to change the rules.
00:50:48Exactly why I mean.
00:50:49No, I wouldn't say I'm worried about Mitch.
00:50:51I just wish he'd find more ways to have fun with his job.
00:50:54That's what I'd do.
00:50:55That's what I'd do.
00:50:56And how does the man begin the act of intercourse?
00:51:00Anybody?
00:51:02Lamont?
00:51:03He puts his penis in her thing.
00:51:05In her thing.
00:51:07No, no.
00:51:08It's called a vagina.
00:51:11It's a lovely word.
00:51:13Vagina.
00:51:14Vagina.
00:51:16It's lovely.
00:51:18How many jobs do you know that you get paid to make teenagers feel nauseous?
00:51:26Have you asked anyone yet?
00:51:27Keon, homework.
00:51:29Oh, I couldn't do it, Mr. Carter. It was raining.
00:51:33What does that even mean?
00:51:36Okay, guys, we have our test on Wednesday, so that means I need all your journal work.
00:51:41Not so quiet, please.
00:51:44Everybody get quiet.
00:51:47Quiet, please.
00:51:52Marcus, if you don't shut up, I'm going to throw you out that window.
00:51:56Whatever.
00:51:57There's only two stories.
00:52:01You guys are killing me.
00:52:03You're killing me.
00:52:06When his face turns all red like that, he just cracks me up.
00:52:13On Thursdays, I have lunch duty in the courtyard.
00:52:16The kids like to tell me what's going on in their lives.
00:52:19Well, we wish they'd stop doing that.
00:52:21I cheated on my chemistry test. He didn't even see.
00:52:25Jenna and all her skinky friends still talk crap about me.
00:52:28I just think it's funny.
00:52:30Can't get this itch on my left nut.
00:52:32Thanks for the update, Novak. I appreciate that.
00:52:38Audrey, do you need something?
00:52:41I'm his girlfriend.
00:52:43You're his girlfriend?
00:52:45How is that possible?
00:52:49Wow, your students are so into your class.
00:52:59Well, don't sound so surprised.
00:53:01No, no, it's just, it's not, it's just I've seen the school's test scores, and the history departments are the lowest.
00:53:08By quite a bit, unfortunately.
00:53:10Why do you think that is?
00:53:12Our department lacks depth.
00:53:18So you can see here very clearly where the country was divided during the Civil War.
00:53:23Fun fact, Kentucky was sort of the Switzerland of the Civil War, because they were neutral.
00:53:29Another fun fact, North Carolina is where my parents live, so, and the Mason-Dixon line is what actually divided the North and the...
00:53:38Guys, can you just please listen to me? I'm really...
00:53:42Look, no one cares about this stuff, alright?
00:53:45I'm not going to pretend that they do. You'll never need to know this again.
00:53:48But for today, I need you to know this, alright?
00:53:51I just, can you just take one standardized test that says you've learned anything that I've taught you?
00:53:56Just even like a 25% would be enough for me to keep my job and my crappy little apartment,
00:54:02and I can drive my used Honda Civic back to the house that I cry myself to sleep in.
00:54:06You know what, fine, I will go to the principal's office.
00:54:09I will, does that not mean I'm supposed to you?
00:54:14What do I say to this kid? What do I say to her mother?
00:54:18Try to pin them down on something factual.
00:54:22The only way this is all going to turn out well is if you get the facts out.
00:54:28And choose your words carefully.
00:54:30As soon as you make a judgment on the girl or her mother, you're going to be in a war you can never win.
00:54:36But I'm not just going to sit there and let Brian get buried for something...
00:54:39I'm not telling you to. Just remember that the parent sees their child as an extension of themselves.
00:54:44There's nothing more personal to them.
00:54:46Right. Right.
00:54:49Oh, Brian Campbell, that guy's going down hard.
00:54:52That's going to be ugly.
00:54:54I'm so glad I don't have to go to that meeting.
00:54:56I have a colonoscopy this afternoon.
00:54:59Not really looking forward to that either.
00:55:01It just goes to show you how much I do not want to go to this meeting.
00:55:06He didn't do it!
00:55:07He's a predator.
00:55:08He is not a predator.
00:55:09You ever been in a teacher's lounge?
00:55:10Yeah.
00:55:11And you reach for the French vanilla coffee creamer?
00:55:13One time he took it from you as you guys were both reaching at the same time.
00:55:17And used it up.
00:55:18That's not predatory.
00:55:19And used it up.
00:55:20That is not predatory.
00:55:21I was fearing for my sexual well-being.
00:55:23Oh, come on.
00:55:25I'm praying for him.
00:55:28Last night I prayed for him.
00:55:31Jackie.
00:55:33She's being as supportive as she can be.
00:55:35Yeah.
00:55:36Because I didn't do it.
00:55:37Yeah, of course.
00:55:39I'm still killing her on the inside.
00:55:44And when they fire me.
00:55:45Come on, man.
00:55:46You don't know that.
00:55:47Ron has to fire me.
00:55:49That's what I would do.
00:55:50Just try and keep it together, please.
00:55:53All right?
00:55:55My career is over.
00:55:58Hey!
00:55:59What am I going to do for a job?
00:56:00Will you stop whining about the future and focus on right now, okay?
00:56:06Protect your family.
00:56:07Protect yourself.
00:56:09It's not done.
00:56:12Ah.
00:56:20Ah.
00:56:24I'm just going to...
00:56:26Can I...
00:56:29Yeah, go.
00:56:30Go.
00:56:31We got time.
00:56:35I'm just going to...
00:56:38Go.
00:56:40Go.
00:56:44I'll be right back.
00:56:55Shit.
00:57:06I was doing a problem on the board.
00:57:10And he came up behind me and he started massaging my shoulders and then he slid his hands down in front of me and started rubbing my breasts.
00:57:20It's okay, Faith. You don't have to go into details.
00:57:22She will have to discuss them with the police, however.
00:57:24Well, it was my understanding from our phone conversations, Mrs. Gregory, that you wanted to keep the police out of this.
00:57:28I swear, I didn't do anything.
00:57:30Yes, you did.
00:57:31For God's sake.
00:57:32Faith, please don't.
00:57:33Mr. Campbell, please control yourself.
00:57:34You're disgusting.
00:57:35Please.
00:57:36If he says one more word to her, we're leaving.
00:57:38So it's Brian, Mitch, the girl, and her mother. No lawyers?
00:57:42Apparently, Ron is working as hard as he can to keep the whole thing off the record.
00:57:46Well, why am I not surprised by that?
00:57:50I don't know, but if I was going into a meeting like that, I wouldn't want Mitch representing me.
00:57:54Really? Who else would you pick?
00:57:56I don't know, but...
00:57:57I don't know. Mitch would be my first choice. He's a really good man to have your back.
00:58:01He has a problem. He's too good. He's too nice.
00:58:03Wrong.
00:58:04Okay.
00:58:05Mitch is good. He's not nice.
00:58:07What's the difference?
00:58:08He's a good man. But you get on his bad side, teacher, student, anybody, good luck.
00:58:13Faith, let's just get through this.
00:58:14I did nothing wrong.
00:58:15You're going to jail, you bastard!
00:58:16Okay, alright, let me just interject here for a second, okay?
00:58:19Faith, I understand that you're upset, and none of us are suggesting...
00:58:23You think you can just grab any girl you want because you're the big boss?
00:58:26I did nothing wrong.
00:58:27You call grabbing my boobs nothing?
00:58:29No, no, that is awful, Faith.
00:58:31He shouldn't work here.
00:58:32And he doesn't anymore.
00:58:33Hold on, hold on. Faith, right now you just went like this when you talked about what Mr. Campbell did to you,
00:58:40but earlier you said that he was behind you.
00:58:44Oh, right, that's what I meant.
00:58:47What difference does it make where they were standing?
00:58:49I don't think we have to rehash all the details.
00:58:51Faith, I understand that you don't like Mr. Campbell's class, and clearly you don't like Mr. Campbell.
00:58:57I hate him.
00:58:58And that's okay.
00:58:59That's enough, Mr. Carter.
00:59:00You're about to ruin a man's life and his career, maybe send him to jail.
00:59:05So what we need from you right now is to tell the truth.
00:59:09How dare you? My daughter is not on trial.
00:59:12How did Mr. Campbell touch you?
00:59:15He was looking at me like he wanted to.
00:59:21But he didn't, did he?
00:59:27No.
00:59:28Faith!
00:59:29Oh, thank God.
00:59:31You shouldn't have failed me, you asshole!
00:59:33What is going on here?
00:59:35I assure you that we'll do whatever it takes to resolve this issue.
00:59:39That was pretty rough.
00:59:41How are you feeling?
00:59:46Like I've been doing this job for a hundred years.
00:59:51With a hundred more to go.
00:59:56John.
00:59:57Hey, it's Mitch.
00:59:59Hi, how you doing?
01:00:01Yeah, um, I'll take it. I'll do it.
01:00:06Yeah, listen, let me talk to you about the details later, okay?
01:00:09I just, I, I...
01:00:11Okay, great.
01:00:13Great, thank you.
01:00:15Bye.
01:00:32Daddy!
01:00:33Hey, hi.
01:00:35Hello.
01:00:37So what happened?
01:00:38You're not gonna believe it.
01:00:40She made it up.
01:00:42What? How do you know?
01:00:44She admitted it.
01:00:46Oh, my God.
01:00:47I know, right?
01:00:48Oh, my God.
01:00:49Yay, family hug!
01:00:56It's over.
01:00:58How did it happen?
01:00:59I squeezed it out of her.
01:01:01You squeezed it out of her, what are you, on law and order or something?
01:01:03I could be.
01:01:05I'm gonna go call Jackie.
01:01:06Um, hang on, hang on, I, um...
01:01:10I, um...
01:01:13I took the job.
01:01:16You did?
01:01:17Yeah.
01:01:20Well, it's good.
01:01:23It's good, it's gonna be good.
01:01:26Yeah.
01:01:27You'll be all right.
01:01:28Yeah.
01:01:31Bye.
01:01:39I'm making my peace with it.
01:01:42I mean, the money is unbelievable.
01:01:44And, uh, when the baby comes, Kate will be able to take as much time off work as she needs.
01:01:49Maybe she won't have to work at all.
01:01:55It was the right decision.
01:01:57You wanna put him in the car?
01:01:58Yeah.
01:01:59Let him go to the movies or something?
01:02:02Yeah.
01:02:10Just coffee for breakfast?
01:02:11Yeah, I gotta get to school early.
01:02:13Well, let me at least finish making your lunch.
01:02:15No time, gotta go.
01:02:18What's the rush?
01:02:20Well, I have to finish grading all my papers this morning so that I can have a meeting with Ron this afternoon.
01:02:25Oh, you're gonna tell him.
01:02:27How's he gonna take it?
01:02:29The way I'm gonna tell him?
01:02:31Not well.
01:02:33Oh, my God, I should sell tickets to this meeting.
01:02:37Daddy?
01:02:38Daddy?
01:02:39Sweetheart, what's wrong?
01:02:41I thought you left without saying goodbye.
01:02:44Oh, well, you were sleeping, honey.
01:02:47I didn't want to wake you up.
01:02:49You always have to say goodbye, Daddy.
01:02:51You give me my milk and water too.
01:02:54Okay, okay, okay, okay.
01:02:56I'm sorry.
01:02:57I'm sorry, sweetheart.
01:02:58I'll do it tomorrow, okay?
01:03:00I promise.
01:03:01Okay.
01:03:18Oh, yeah, what?
01:03:19What?
01:03:20Yep.
01:03:21Okay.
01:03:22And how about the headphones for good measure, okay?
01:03:26Your lucky day.
01:03:27I'm giving you a break, but you got two, okay?
01:03:30Thanks.
01:03:32For the smart-ass look you just gave me.
01:03:35Yeah, enjoy it, okay?
01:03:38I don't need it.
01:03:40Listen, the whole Brian Campbell situation is unfortunate, but I have nothing to say about it.
01:03:47Well, you just said it was unfortunate.
01:03:49Then I have nothing else to say about it, okay, Mr. Grammar?
01:03:53We were hoping to talk to Principal Dausche about it.
01:03:55Yeah, that's not going to happen.
01:03:59It's a brand new day.
01:04:00They offered me my job back.
01:04:02I did not take it.
01:04:03I've been offered jobs at other schools over the years, and I stayed there because I thought things were going to change.
01:04:09I thought Dausche, the douche will be the douche for the rest of his life.
01:04:14He's going to have to wake up, look in the mirror, and see himself, and that's enough punishment for me.
01:04:17I kind of hope he wakes up with VD.
01:04:21Ah, that's a little bad karma.
01:04:25Just the kind that hurts when he pees.
01:04:27It's burning.
01:04:31Who is the third president of the United States?
01:04:33Answer, Mr. Donovan's a homo.
01:04:35It's not true. It's mean. It's politically incorrect.
01:04:38And I just, these kids, I don't know what to do with them.
01:04:41I mean, I come in every day, and I do my best, and they just yell, and they don't listen, and I don't know how to control them.
01:04:46No, that's your first mistake.
01:04:47You're not going to be able to control them.
01:04:49They're very energetic.
01:04:50They're going to be all over the place.
01:04:52What you have to do is learn to conserve that energy and try and redirect them in the direction you want them to go in.
01:04:57What are you guys talking about?
01:04:59Ian's just having a little trouble in his history class.
01:05:01A lot of trouble.
01:05:02History? Who cares about that?
01:05:05I'm in the robot business, and business is booming.
01:05:11What's the width of a child's neck?
01:05:17Actually, business is not booming.
01:05:19Business is off to a terrible start, and I'm not handling it well.
01:05:22You call this efficient torque?
01:05:24Is that a joke?
01:05:25I have a joke for you. Knock, knock.
01:05:27Who's there?
01:05:28Second place!
01:05:29Are you insane?
01:05:30Terrible start over.
01:05:32What do you have?
01:05:33Get under the table. Get under the table.
01:05:35Slide over. Slide over.
01:05:37What do you have here?
01:05:41Actually, that's pretty good.
01:05:42All right. You keep up the good work.
01:05:44Oh, don't be such a crybaby.
01:05:49Yeah, Mitch won Teacher of the Year.
01:05:51I've accepted that.
01:05:52But I will tell you it's not just about teaching.
01:05:54Huh?
01:05:55He has a vest on all the time.
01:05:57Who's the teacher in the vest?
01:05:59Teacher in the vest, vest, vest.
01:06:01Kardashian.
01:06:02Jesse James.
01:06:03Jesus.
01:06:04Publicity figures.
01:06:05Boom.
01:06:06Huh?
01:06:07Not me anymore.
01:06:08Next year, whole new attitude.
01:06:10Oh.
01:06:11Who's the guy in the new glasses?
01:06:14Teacher of the Year.
01:06:16Honestly, she's got nothing going on.
01:06:18I mean, seriously.
01:06:19Like, she's got some kind of, like...
01:06:21But she's braindead, right?
01:06:22Girl.
01:06:23She doesn't listen.
01:06:24So you think so?
01:06:25I mean, girls are all the way up top.
01:06:29Hey.
01:06:30Hey.
01:06:31Brought your lunch.
01:06:32Oh, how sweet, Mitchie.
01:06:34Mommy brought you lunchie.
01:06:36Yeah.
01:06:37Can I, can I...
01:06:39Can we go to your room for just a second?
01:06:41Yeah.
01:06:42Shut up.
01:06:46Right?
01:06:49Don't take it.
01:06:53If you think it's the wrong move, don't take it.
01:06:56No, no, no.
01:06:57I have to.
01:06:58I have to.
01:06:59Yeah, I know I said that, but...
01:07:03I was wrong.
01:07:07I, I don't want to see you working so hard.
01:07:09You're killing yourself.
01:07:11But I don't mind it.
01:07:13But I do.
01:07:15I do.
01:07:16I do.
01:07:21I just want us to be together.
01:07:25We will be.
01:07:27We are.
01:07:30Always.
01:07:34Okay.
01:07:35Okay.
01:07:37Okay.
01:07:44So, when will you tell your students?
01:07:46That I'm leaving?
01:07:48Um...
01:07:49I don't know.
01:07:52I might not tell them at all.
01:07:55Isn't that the coward's way out?
01:07:57Absolutely.
01:07:58But I just...
01:08:00I'm just not sure that I can handle the goodbye.
01:08:03You're quitting?
01:08:04Why?
01:08:05Well, actually, Ron, I'm quitting because of you.
01:08:08Me?
01:08:09Why?
01:08:10Have you told other people?
01:08:11No, of course not.
01:08:12Come on, relax.
01:08:13I'm not quitting because of you.
01:08:14Oh, my God.
01:08:16No.
01:08:17Why would you say that?
01:08:18Because I'm trying to help you out.
01:08:20I'm trying to help you understand why the teachers don't respect you and the kids don't like you.
01:08:24I don't know either of those things to be true.
01:08:26Sure you are.
01:08:27And I know it's killing you because you're trying so hard to be liked.
01:08:30Yes, I try very hard.
01:08:31Yeah, I know, and that's the problem.
01:08:32Okay?
01:08:33It's not your job to be liked.
01:08:34It's your job to lead.
01:08:35Well, you know what?
01:08:36I just think that maybe you and I have very different ideas about how to do this job.
01:08:39You remember when you invited the entire faculty to your birthday party except for three teachers?
01:08:44I realized my mistake, and I invited them the next day.
01:08:47Do you remember the meeting you called to draft a new mission statement for the school,
01:08:50and you invited the teachers, the parents, and the kids all into the same room?
01:08:54That wasn't my meeting.
01:08:55It was a zoo, Ron.
01:08:56I mean, the teachers were fighting with each other, calling each other names in front of the parents and the kids.
01:09:01That was Rita's meeting.
01:09:02They are all your meetings.
01:09:04God, can't you just own it?
01:09:06Can't you just say, yeah, I am responsible?
01:09:09Aren't you tired of being such a pussy?
01:09:11No, you win one award, and you think you know everything, huh?
01:09:13Is that it?
01:09:14I know what the students at Truman think of me.
01:09:17Ron, the kids think you're a dick.
01:09:21Okay.
01:09:23We are finished here.
01:09:24Yeah.
01:09:25It's okay.
01:09:26I was already done.
01:09:30Jesus Christ.
01:09:32That might be a little bit more than he's used to, huh?
01:09:33You think?
01:09:44All right, guys.
01:09:45You had a great week of practice.
01:09:46Just remember, we play together, we win together.
01:09:49Count off.
01:09:50One.
01:09:51Count off.
01:09:52One.
01:09:53That's right.
01:09:54That's right.
01:09:55You play as one, and we will win.
01:09:56Hands up.
01:09:57One, two, three.
01:09:58Thomas.
01:09:59Let's go, boys.
01:10:00Get out there.
01:10:01Probably not today, though.
01:10:03This team is pretty tough.
01:10:05But my guys are making a lot of good decisions, and they'll be rewarded for that eventually.
01:10:10Yeah!
01:10:11All right, Chris.
01:10:12Nice stop, buddy.
01:10:13Nice stop.
01:10:14Let's go.
01:10:15Get it out now.
01:10:16Teaching sometimes feels like you're leading the kids through a dense fog.
01:10:19The worst part of this job is the fear that you might not be taking them in the right direction.
01:10:23Come on.
01:10:24Push it up.
01:10:25Push it up.
01:10:26And then suddenly, it's nothing but clear skies.
01:10:32Oh!
01:10:34So when will you tell your students?
01:11:01That I'm leaving?
01:11:02Um...
01:11:03I don't know.
01:11:04I might not tell them at all.
01:11:10Isn't that the coward's way out?
01:11:12Absolutely.
01:11:13Yeah, but I just...
01:11:14I'm just not sure that I could handle the goodbye.
01:11:19You know, uh, we've been talking to them all week.
01:11:24The students?
01:11:25What'd they say?
01:11:26He works harder than any teacher I've ever seen.
01:11:29He's kept me after class and said he, you know, like, don't act like I'm forcing this
01:11:34knowledge on you.
01:11:35You know, I got something that belongs to you, so you gotta take it.
01:11:38When he talks to you like that, let me tell you, that'll make your ass pick up a book
01:11:42and study.
01:11:43He had a real cool swag about him.
01:11:44Man, thank you for your swag, Mr. Carter.
01:11:48I told him I wasn't a good writer.
01:11:50He says we're all writers.
01:11:51He doesn't just make you a better writer.
01:11:53He changes the way you think.
01:11:54For the longest time, I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, you know?
01:11:58But now I do.
01:12:01I want to be a teacher.
01:12:03He's the best.
01:12:04The best?
01:12:05The best.
01:12:08He's the best teacher I ever had.
01:12:11Well, that means a lot.
01:12:18My daddy helps kids learn and get smarter.
01:12:23He helps them read and write and have a better life.
01:12:27My daddy is a teacher.
01:12:41We did the VFW?
01:12:43Yes, we did the VFW.
01:12:44Definitely won't be doing that one again.
01:12:45Well, we did, and we did at preschool.
01:12:47We did the preschool.
01:12:48Kids, those kids loved it.
01:12:49Yeah, they were into it.
01:12:50They were into it.
01:12:52They were clapping and singing.
01:12:53Singing right along.
01:12:54They didn't even know the words either.
01:12:55No, and I think sometimes when you don't know the words, it frees you.
01:12:58It's better.
01:12:59Why do you need to know words to songs?
01:13:01A lot of times, words hold you back.
01:13:03Okay, let's lose the smirk.
01:13:05Oh, and you're still going to laugh.
01:13:08Okay, that's fine.
01:13:09I will be treated fairly and taken seriously, okay?
01:13:15So enjoy it.
01:13:17I'm not going to write all that out again, you know.
01:13:21Maintaining a strong relationship with the parents, well, that's another key.
01:13:25Nia, would you excuse us, please?
01:13:28Nia.
01:13:29Okay.
01:13:30He's going to use his imagination on Mommy.
01:13:34I couldn't help notice you're not wearing a wedding ring.
01:13:37That is true.
01:13:38Um, neither am I.
01:13:40Look what we have in common.
01:13:42Oh, my God.
01:13:45Secret is contacts.
01:13:46You got to have a lot of contacts all over the place.
01:13:48We got them everywhere.
01:13:49And you don't just have the contact.
01:13:50I mean, you have to hang with these people.
01:13:52You got to get intimate with these people.
01:13:54You literally have to...
01:13:55Hang on a second.
01:13:56Hello?
01:14:00Okay.
01:14:01All right.
01:14:04Who's that?
01:14:05Didn't get in.
01:14:06Great.
01:14:07Another kid didn't get in.
01:14:08See?
01:14:09But that opens up a slot for another kid.
01:14:10So that's how we look at it.
01:14:11You got to have a positive attitude.
01:14:13And then you got to have contacts.
01:14:14I don't know.
01:14:15But it seems to me that the trophy for Teacher of the Year
01:14:18ought to go to the teacher with the most trophies.
01:14:21That's just math.
01:14:22But I don't teach math.
01:14:23I just teach robotics.
01:14:24That's not going to be important in the future whatsoever.
01:14:27Whatever.
01:14:28Just let the baby have his bottle.
01:14:30You plagiarized this whole paper.
01:14:32No, I didn't.
01:14:33Yes, you did.
01:14:34You cut and pasted the entire thing from the Internet.
01:14:36No.
01:14:37See here?
01:14:38You accidentally...
01:14:39So you've been teaching for 25 years.
01:14:4025 years.
01:14:41Wow.
01:14:42Yeah.
01:14:43Wow.
01:14:44I don't know if that's in your frame.
01:14:45Is that what it's called?
01:14:46Frame?
01:14:47I don't know if it's in your frame.
01:14:48But there's some kids back there.
01:14:49Yeah.
01:14:50Ready and willing and able to learn.
01:14:51Let's have a great day of instruction, you guys.
01:14:52Bye.
01:14:53Bye.
01:14:54Bye.
01:14:55Bye.
01:14:56Bye.
01:14:57Bye.
01:14:58Bye.
01:14:59Bye.
01:15:00Bye.
01:15:01Bye.
01:15:02Bye.
01:15:03Bye.
01:15:04Bye.
01:15:05Bye.
01:15:06Bye.
01:15:07Bye.
01:15:08Bye.
01:15:09Bye.
01:15:10Bye.
01:15:11Bye.
01:15:12Bye.
01:15:13Bye.
01:15:14Bye.
01:15:15Bye.
01:15:16Bye.
01:15:17Bye.
01:15:18Bye.
01:15:19Bye.
01:15:20Bye.
01:15:21Bye.
01:15:22Bye.
01:15:23Bye.
01:15:24Bye.
01:15:25Bye.
01:15:26Bye.
01:15:27Bye.
01:15:28Bye.
01:15:29Bye.
01:15:30Bye.
01:15:31Bye.
01:15:32Bye.
01:15:33Bye.
01:15:34Bye.
01:15:35Bye.
01:15:36Bye.
01:15:37Bye.
01:15:38Bye.
01:15:39Bye.
01:15:40Bye.
01:15:41Bye.
01:15:42Bye.
01:15:43Bye.
01:15:44Bye.
01:15:45Bye.
01:15:46Bye.
01:15:47Bye.
01:15:48Bye.
01:15:49Bye.
01:15:50Bye.
01:15:51Bye.
01:15:52Bye.
01:15:53Bye.
01:15:54Bye.
01:15:55Bye.
01:15:56Bye.
01:15:57Bye.
01:15:58Bye.
01:15:59Bye.
01:16:00Bye.
01:16:01Bye.
01:16:02Bye.
01:16:03Bye.
01:16:04Bye.
01:16:05Bye.
01:16:06Bye.
01:16:07Bye.
01:16:08Friendship.
01:16:09Intelligence.
01:16:10Gratitude.
01:16:11Humility.
01:16:12And trust.
01:16:13These posters were meant to encourage the students.
01:16:14Whoever vandalized these posters, didn't think about that for one second.
01:16:15Some of you guys might be virgins.
01:16:16It might be a little...
01:16:17It's OK.
01:16:18It's OK.
01:16:19It's OK.
01:16:20It's OK.
01:16:21It's OK.
01:16:22It's OK.
01:16:23It's OK.
01:16:24It's OK.
01:16:25It's OK.
01:16:26It's OK.
01:16:27It's OK.
01:16:28It's OK.
01:16:29It's OK.
01:16:30It's OK.
01:16:31It's OK.
01:16:32It's OK.
01:16:33It's OK.
01:16:34It's OK.
01:16:35It's OK.
01:16:36It's OK.
01:16:38It's OK.
01:16:39Guys, it's OK.
01:16:40Sexuality, that's where you come into your own.
01:16:41You're going to find it out.
01:16:42You literally come into your own couch.
01:16:43I'll tell you where you're not going to find your sexuality out.
01:16:46North Dakota.
01:16:47No.
01:16:48That's a black hole of sexuality.
01:16:49I mean, nobody finds anything up there.
01:16:52I'm Asian, but I wear colored contacts to make my eyes blue.
01:16:55They say that's exactly what they're looking for at USC.
01:16:58We were teaching that girl a lesson, OK?
01:17:01You sometimes have to be fake to make it in LA.
01:17:04USC is full of phonies.
01:17:05Period.
01:17:06We said it, right?
01:17:07If you want to fit in, you'd be a phony.
01:17:09And by the way, I would say that to USC's face.
01:17:12You're a phony, USC.
01:17:13If they had a face.
01:17:14Babe, USC had a face.
01:17:15I'll say it to George Lucas.
01:17:17You're a phony.
01:17:18Yeah, no, I know Mitch wouldn't teach with you.
01:17:20And I'm OK with it now.
01:17:21I've accepted it.
01:17:22He plays the Reuben from the farm, right?
01:17:24I'm the guy in the vest.
01:17:25Oh, scarecrow.
01:17:26Not buying it.
01:17:27You know what it is?
01:17:28It's branding.
01:17:29That's what he's done.
01:17:30It's like a sex tape in the guise of a vest.
01:17:33Now, now.
01:17:34I want you to know that you may think this is funny.
01:17:37But this is not some kind of joke, OK?
01:17:40And if I ever find out what this...
01:17:44...intrepid meaning...
01:17:48...I'll ruin you.
01:17:50Soft sticks, lightly on the slap.
01:17:52Right in front of the clickers and everything.
01:17:54Hold that, man.
01:17:57That's terrific.
01:17:58Gonna brighten this up here.
01:18:00There we go.
01:18:01It's brightening it up.
01:18:02Interesting.
01:18:03I didn't know that you could do that.
01:18:05Wow.
01:18:06Do you call this sufficient torque?
01:18:08Yeah.
01:18:09OK, I have a joke for you then.
01:18:10Knock, knock.
01:18:11Knock, knock.
01:18:12Knock, knock.
01:18:13Knock, knock.
01:18:14Come back in time.
01:18:16I was gonna play it out,
01:18:17because it's almost even funnier.
01:18:19You all right?
01:18:20Sorry.
01:18:21Almond.
01:18:22Nevada.
01:18:23Nevada.
01:18:24Stay away from Nevada.
01:18:25You can go, but you're gonna kill me.
01:18:28You can go, but you're gonna kill a hooker.
01:18:35All right, pause, pause, pause.
01:18:44OK.
01:18:45We rolling?
01:18:49That's good.
01:18:50Yeah, you learned a chord.
01:18:51I'm gonna just play this chord.
01:18:52Yeah.
01:18:53Over and over.
01:18:54Honey, trust me,
01:18:55that's how Poison got a career,
01:18:56so don't sweat it.
01:18:57My balls are itchy.
01:18:58Slow down so I can hear the word balls.
01:19:00My balls are itchy.
01:19:02My balls are itchy.
01:19:05Think about it.
01:19:06Mm-hmm.
01:19:07Look, you wanna act?
01:19:08Mm-hmm.
01:19:09Act itchy balls.
01:19:10Act like you got itchy balls.
01:19:12Make them itch.
01:19:14My balls are itchy.
01:19:17If I was telling you,
01:19:18my balls are itchy,
01:19:19and I was telling you,
01:19:20this is how I would say,
01:19:21my balls are itchy.
01:19:22My balls are itchy.
01:19:24Ha, ha, ha.
01:19:29Oh, shit.
01:19:30All right, Arno.
01:19:31Here we go, buddy.
01:19:32Here we are.
01:19:33You got this.
01:19:34Rolling.
01:19:35Scene 100, take four, marker.
01:19:36Boom.
01:19:37Ha, ha, ha.
01:19:38Ha, ha, ha.
01:19:39Ha, ha, ha.
01:19:54Ha, ha, ha.
01:19:55Ha, ha, ha.
01:19:56Ha, ha, ha.
01:19:57Ha, ha, ha.
01:19:58Ha, ha, ha.
01:19:59Ha, ha, ha.
01:20:00Ha, ha, ha.
01:20:01Ha, ha, ha.
01:20:02Ha, ha, ha.
01:20:03Ha, ha, ha.
01:20:04Ha, ha, ha.
01:20:05Ha, ha, ha.
01:20:06Ha, ha, ha.
01:20:07Ha, ha, ha.
01:20:08Ha, ha, ha.
01:20:09Ha, ha, ha.
01:20:10Ha, ha, ha.
01:20:11Ha, ha, ha.
01:20:12Ha, ha, ha.
01:20:13Ha, ha, ha.
01:20:14Ha, ha, ha.
01:20:15Ha, ha, ha.
01:20:16Ha, ha, ha.
01:20:17Ha, ha, ha.
01:20:18Ha, ha, ha.
01:20:19Ha, ha, ha.
01:20:20Ha, ha, ha.