The Queens Nose - Season 6 - Season Six - Episode 3
Children's drama series about a magical coin which makes dreams come true. Following Gregory's on-set antics, Melody's video is a disaster.
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00:00It's cool, isn't it? Yeah, you know, it's zany, isn't it? It's different. I think this
00:19one's the one. It's finally finished, isn't it?
00:23Oh, yeah, definitely. I think Melody's going to love it.
00:27I think you're really going to like the video, Max.
00:30I can't wait, Melody. I think it's going to look really good.
00:33Wicked. Come on, you lot. I want to see that video.
00:39You can't. It's not finished. It's all right, mate. I'm a professional, just looking for
00:43potential, you know what I mean? When did he arrive?
00:47No, Melody, it's not ready yet. Please, we need to have another look at it. There's lots
00:52of great stuff that I want to... Gregory, stop being such a perfectionist.
00:56Max is here. He wants to see my video. I want to see my video.
01:01That's right, baby. You're a superstar. I want to see you rock it to the top.
01:06What's that stuff? It's cool, isn't it? It's zany, isn't it?
01:28Yeah, it's different. It looks like a bunch of kids have made it.
01:33What's that thing in the background there? Looks like the biggest freak in the world's
01:37geekier, freakier brother. This is the first cut. You know, we're going to do lots of things
01:43to this. Can you just get out of here, actually? We're busy creating art.
01:49That ain't art, pal. That's next to his winning entry on Britain's cruddiest home videos.
01:56Max, wait. I'm very disappointed, Melody.
02:03But Max, you've got to understand. If there's one thing I understand in this
02:08business, image is everything. If you ain't got an eye and grip on your image, then you
02:12ain't got a zip. Wait.
02:16Oh, Melody, I can't get Treasure to calm down. She wants Mummy.
02:20Mummy? Melody, is that your...
02:23What, Treasure? Oh, no. No, no, of course not. No, she's Jack's, isn't she?
02:31Yes, it's terrible, really, but Jack's one of these young teenage dads.
02:40Yes, she's mine. But it doesn't have to be a big deal, Max. I mean, Posh has kids.
02:48Madonna has kids.
02:50Melody, I was going to take you to the top, but with that video and that husband and that
02:56baby... I mean, think about it. A baby, Wembley Arena. It just doesn't go together, does it?
03:04I'll see you around.
03:10What happened? What happened? My whole future just jumped
03:15off down the street. That's what just happened, Gregory.
03:20So that's it for Melody's pop career?
03:22Yep.
03:23Any more calls for the help game?
03:25Actually, there was one call for the help game.
03:28What was it?
03:29The news agents saying they were taking our car down, thus we coughed up more cash.
03:34Cheer up, everyone. How about another game of Kick the Stone?
03:37Oh, great. This is turning into the most boring summer ever. I wish everything wasn't so boring.
03:44I wish everything wasn't so boring.
03:47Everyone will get something out of that wish. And even if they don't, I will.
03:53I wish everything wasn't so boring.
04:01We'll be back later to finish the search. But if you can stay clear, there could be crucial evidence in there.
04:06You know, I do have my own highly sophisticated metal detector you can borrow.
04:10It also alerts you to the presence of cheese.
04:15I have no idea why, it just does.
04:18Ugh, washing up. Boring.
04:30I wish we could afford Coke. Water's so boring.
04:37Sam, have you made a wish by any chance?
04:39No, no, no. Why?
04:43Raspberry jam?
04:45Okay, maybe, maybe I wished for something.
04:49Sophie, I was right.
04:52Sophie thought it was magnetism from one of Gregory's inventions, but I took one look and said Queen's nose.
04:57Sorry, Sophie, but I made the wish for everyone.
05:00Spill the beans!
05:01Well, everything was just so boring, so I thought if I wished everything wasn't so boring, we'd all get something out of it.
05:07Sam, we agreed the Queen's nose came back to help Melody and Gregory.
05:11Yeah, but...
05:12The reason you're bored is because there's no work for the Help at Hand gang. We need work, not wasted wishes.
05:17What are you lot on about?
05:19Sophie, what's there to do?
05:21Nothing much, just how to get more work for the Help gang.
05:25Oh, right. Well, to my mind, you've not got your business head on.
05:30No?
05:31No, you see, look, if people aren't buying, you need to give them a free taste.
05:36Show people what you can do and then watch the work flood in.
05:39Might be a way of making sure Sam doesn't get bored.
05:42And a massively interesting flick.
05:46So let's get out there.
05:49Hello, you look like you need professional help.
05:53It's free!
05:55No, honestly, go and have a cup of tea. I want to do it for you.
06:04Maybe people think because the service is free, it's not worth having.
06:07We need to think of something, because hanging around here is boring.
06:12Can anyone smell burning?
06:15Sam, your lamp looks on fire!
06:24Don't worry girls, everything's under control now.
06:27Great, it's just great. Sam, why can't you stay interested in stuff?
06:35Oh, I'm really sorry about all this, it must seem very strange.
06:39Oh, don't worry about us, dear. I haven't seen anything so interesting for a long time, have you?
06:44Really?
06:46Hey guys, I think I've got an idea.
06:54What?
07:03We're not in, don't hassle us.
07:06This is Glenda from social services.
07:08It's another message for anyone there about the whereabouts of Jack Hughes.
07:12Jack, if you get this, please call us. We want to help you.
07:16Thanks, bye.
07:24Pirate!
07:41Pirate!
07:43No, bad pirate!
07:45Back next door! Come on!
07:48This isn't home!
07:50Pirate mate, give me a break here!
07:52Jack, I need to get this thing back next door!
07:59Hey Jack, I've almost finished my prototype, the clean machine.
08:03Oh, it's like a shower, yeah?
08:05We're talking six, count them, six multi-directional shower heads.
08:10Plus, mini versions of those green fluffy car wash things.
08:13After you've used the clean machine, you won't have to wash for a month.
08:16Wow.
08:18So, Jack, do you know anything about the net?
08:23Want to give Melody a home page? Put a video on it?
08:26A video? Are you sure?
08:28Of course! Melody looks great in this video.
08:31I want it downloadable so everyone in the whole world can see it.
08:34If that's what you want.
08:36I used to do quite a bit of this while my old man was at work.
08:39First we've got to see if your server's got some web space.
08:41Plus, I'm going to send a copy to my contact at the top music TV channel.
08:46Do you know a big wig at a music channel?
08:48Better than that, Jack. I know a cleaner at a TV channel.
08:52And cleaners have access to all areas.
08:56Just porridge again, I'm afraid.
08:58We're going to have to run a tight ship till mine and Melody's careers take off.
09:02It's OK, Gregory. Porridge is fine.
09:04You don't have to be nice for the sake of it, Sam. I know it's boring.
09:09May I be excused? Thanks, bye.
09:13You know, Gregory, I wouldn't get your hopes up about my music career.
09:18Don't speak too soon. You never know what might happen.
09:22You might even net a number one hit. Right, Jack?
09:25Right.
09:27Well, as a matter of fact, I'm starting a new job today.
09:31I can't tell you anything about it,
09:33but it is going to be the beginning of a very exciting new direction for me.
09:37Good, that's great.
09:39We're starting a new job today, too.
09:41The helper hand gang's got a new aim, banish the old folks' boredom.
09:44Hey, I know who could help us liven things up a bit.
09:47Has anyone seen Pirate?
09:49No, I haven't seen Pirate since yesterday.
09:51I'm sure wherever he is, he's fine.
09:54Yeah, well, I hope so, because if anyone's let him out...
09:56Hey, there he is!
09:58Where?
09:59Oh, just missed him. I think he ducked behind the cupboard.
10:04Jack, why don't you come with us today?
10:06Jack, why don't you come with us today?
10:08Oh, I'd love to, believe me, I would,
10:11but I've got to get a hold of an old friend.
10:19Hello, I'm a brand-new digital TV. Would you like to switch me on?
10:23Sam, why couldn't you have wished for something more predictable?
10:26I'm so scared to be bored around you.
10:28I'm trying to have interesting thoughts the whole time.
10:30It's giving me a headache.
10:32Sophie, look, that's Melody.
10:35So this is her new exciting career.
10:37Poor Melody.
10:39It's all our fault for making a mess of that video.
10:41Maybe we could help her shoot it again,
10:43like her in the TV costume or something.
10:45That could look zany.
10:47I forgot. Zany's bad. Image is everything.
10:50I've got a much better way to help her,
10:52and you can make up for that selfish wish she wasted earlier.
10:54Ah.
10:55Yes, OK.
10:56Hello, I'm a brand-new digital TV.
10:58I wish that we...
10:59We wish...
11:00We wish that Melody's video could be really, really successful.
11:05Of course he can get to number one.
11:07But can he stay there?
11:11No, no, I'm just watching a video Kina left on her desk.
11:14I don't know which bunch of clowns made it,
11:16but I tell you, it is, without doubt.
11:20The best thing I've ever seen in my entire life.
11:23Jez, Brittany, it's history.
11:25Clear the schedules and get this on the air right now!
11:28And Roxy! Roxy, find that cleaner, give her a job!
11:32That woman should be my boss.
11:34Welcome, ladies and gentlemen.
11:36As you know, we're here giving you a free sample of how to banish your boredom.
11:40So, um...
11:42Welcome to the show.
11:45Over to Sam.
11:47Hello.
11:48Um...
11:49To start things off today,
11:51I'd like to introduce an up-and-coming singer to you all, Pansy.
11:54What?
11:55Sing.
11:56I don't want to.
11:57Sing.
11:58Pansy.
12:00Um...
12:01Uh, OK.
12:02I'd like to start with one of my personal favourites.
12:06One man went to Moe,
12:08Went to Moe Meadow.
12:10One man, two men, one man and his dog
12:13Went to Moe Meadow.
12:1434 men, 33 men, 32 men, 31 men.
12:16Went to Moe Meadow.
12:18Three men, two men, one man and his dog.
12:20One man, 30 men, 29 men, 28 men,
12:2222 men, 21 men, 20 men,
12:2429, no, 19 men,
12:2619 men, 18 men, 17 men,
12:28I don't think I've ever been so bored in my whole life.
12:3016 men, 15 men, 14 men,
12:3213 men, 12 men,
12:33On the contrary,
12:34I think this is the most exhilarating music I've ever heard.
12:39Five men went to Moe,
12:41Went to Moe Meadow.
12:43Five men, four men, three men, two men, one man and his dog
12:47Went to Moe Meadow.
12:49Pirate, oh pirate.
12:53Why don't you come down, pirate?
12:54I've got some lovely birdseed.
12:58OK.
13:00That's the way you want to play it?
13:03I have ways of making you squawk.
13:13Pick a card, any card.
13:17Now look at it and I shall tell you what it is.
13:19I must have seen this trick a thousand times.
13:22It's boring.
13:32Is it the Queen of Clubs?
13:34Yes, yes it is.
13:37Great, excellent.
13:46How are you going to get rid of her now, love?
13:48How am I going to get rid of her?
13:50That's easy.
13:52Shazam!
13:57Shazam!
14:03You've got a thingy up your sleeve.
14:06It's easy, you're just wiggling your doohickey, then.
14:11Shazam!
14:15Shazam!
14:18Shazam!
14:20Shazam!
14:23Shazam!
14:24Shazam!
14:25Shazam!
14:26Shazam!
14:27Shazam!
14:28They must be enjoying this.
14:30Right, I mean they're getting a bunch of holidays thrown in for no extra charge.
14:34Free car with every digital TV.
14:38Free house with every car.
14:43Free car with every digital TV.
14:46Free house with every car.
14:50Free house with every...
14:58Right, if this works it will restore my faith in Gregory.
15:04A result.
15:06I'm not quite a genius, but I'm not just a nutcase.
15:20Ah!
15:21Ah!
15:28You'll get hungry eventually.
15:31And when you do, I'll be waiting.
15:37You left the door open, you bitch!
15:40Alright, let the treasure hunt begin.
15:44Show me the money!
15:46So, to make your chocolate fantasia cake,
15:49all you have to do once you've mixed the eggs and the flour and the cocoa and the butter,
15:53is to get some caster sugar.
15:56Caster sugar?
15:57Do we have any caster sugar?
15:59I thought Delia Smith was bad, but this is boring.
16:16Yeah!
16:47Excuse me.
16:48No!
16:49You took it, you can't give it back.
16:51I've got 350 of these to get rid of.
16:54No, can you sign this for me please?
16:57Sign it?
16:58Yes.
16:59Yeah, and for me.
17:00Me too.
17:04Where's he put it?
17:09Get rid of him, Dave.
17:17Yeah, what do you want?
17:19Hi there.
17:20I'm just looking for Jack Hughes.
17:23No, no, I'm afraid he's not here.
17:25Bye.
17:27Really, do you know where I can get hold of him?
17:30I'm from social services and we were just...
17:33Well, I don't know nothing about that, love.
17:35Sorry, bye.
17:37What are you doing round here, if I may ask?
17:40Well, I'm the cleaning lady.
17:45I'm the cleaning lady, a man.
17:48I'm the cleaning man.
17:51Oh, OK.
17:53Right, well, if you see Jack, you will ask him to get in touch, won't you?
17:57Yeah, yeah, sure, no problem.
17:59Bye.
18:05Oh, look, it's the cleaning lady.
18:09Right, get this flat searched.
18:11Turn that sofa over.
18:15Blimey, she's only going to pull the old bill. Let's get her out of here.
18:19We've been stitched up. Grab what you can.
18:22You're coming with me.
18:25Well, it might be worth something.
18:28It might be a Norwegian bling or something.
18:36Yes, so we had a whip round and we wanted you to have this.
18:41Oh, that's very, very kind of you, but there really is no need.
18:46No?
18:47No, you see, this is an introductory offer, first visit free.
18:50So when would you like us back?
18:52Well, we were thinking, if we paid you this money, you might agree not to come back.
18:58Not come back? But...
18:59You see, it was a little too exciting.
19:02Some of us have rather high blood pressure.
19:06Do you prefer things to say a little more...
19:08How shall I put this?
19:10Boring?
19:18Pirate!
19:19Pirate, where are you, pirate?
19:23So Romeo wanted them signed.
19:25I mean, I don't really know what was going on.
19:29I suppose they must have seen me at the talent contest.
19:32Gregory, is the TV fixed yet?
19:34Of course it is. It's better than ever.
19:44I thought I told you not to play that... that thing ever again.
19:50But it's not on video, Melody. This is the music channel.
19:54Sure, sure it is. Turn over now.
19:59And this is the underground hit that has almost caused a meltdown on the web
20:03as people across the globe have literally freaked for its zany vibes.
20:09Oh my gosh! Try the other channels.
20:13She's literally come from nowhere. The original...
20:15It's finally happened.
20:16Check her out. Melody Parkour.
20:17At last! My public have found me. I'm a star!
20:24Melody, Melody, Melody! Look what we've done!
20:27Oh no, it's him again. Look what we've done, Melody.
20:30Max, you're back!
20:32Back? I never went away!
20:34Honey, we have to make plans.
20:36But first, I need you to sign this very straightforward contract.
20:40Oh, that's great, Max. Really great.
20:42Sure. I'll sign right up.
20:45Oh, great, Melody. This is great.
20:48Oh, Mel, well, that looks like... bog off.
20:54Oh, does it?
20:56Oh, that's what you better do then, don't you think, Max?
21:01Melody, we can be great together. You, me...
21:04Oh, Greg, the video guy, your adorable daughter Pleasure.
21:09It's Treasure and no one sacks Melody Parker.
21:13Melody, please, you're unsacked.
21:16Yeah, well, now you're sacked. Goodbye!
21:20Bye!
21:23Bye!
21:34What about Japan?
21:36I don't know.
21:38Shouldn't you start a world tour in London or New York?
21:41I'm a bit... bored.
21:44I said I'm bored!
21:47Hello, I'm bored! Cue mayhem!
21:49Sam, what are you doing?
21:51I was feeling a bit bored, but nothing happened.
21:54No singing, no dancing, no jam, nothing.
21:58Don't you get it? We made things exciting ourselves so we don't need The Wish anymore.
22:03The Wish is over.
22:05I suppose I could do Paris.
22:07Do the fashion shows and the concert in one hit.
22:11Of course, there could be problems with Pirate in quarantine.
22:16Look, this is getting really serious. Has anyone seen him?
22:20Pirate? Yeah, I saw him. Just a minute.
22:29Hello, everybody!
22:34Jack, that's not Pirate.
22:38You're right.
22:40That was...
22:43was Pirate's sister, Polly.
22:47I think I saw a Pirate in the... in the bathroom.
22:51Jack, you're hiding something from me! I know you are!
22:54What have you done with Pirate?
22:56Nothing! It's just... when I went next door, I accidentally...
23:04Pirate!
23:06Pirate!
23:12Pirate Featherback.
23:14I'm Pirate.