The Queens Nose - Season 7 - Season Seven - Episode 3
Children's drama series about a magical coin which grants wishes. Gemma finds out about the Queen's Nose but is sceptical, until her wish for Robin Hood to appear is granted. Carla starts salsa lessons and meets the dashing Duncan.
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TVTranscript
00:00Well, look, it's difficult for me too. All I'm saying is he's having a hard time fitting
00:18in and the least that you could do is walk to school with him. Anyway, I've got to go.
00:23Those pythons aren't going to feed themselves. Pythons? You're working at a zoo. Zoo, I wish.
00:29Cleaning up Mrs. Friedlander's. Can't be right keeping them in the bars, can it? Anyway, bye, sweetheart.
00:35Take care, Mum.
00:39Have a good day, Chief.
00:44Chief, aren't you going to get dressed before your customers arrive?
00:47I haven't had a single customer in the past 24 hours. It's been as quiet as listening to a feather falling on a velvet cushion behind a lead door.
00:59Well, I'm sure it'll pick up. See you.
01:04They're all off to the new shop over the road.
01:08What, the new shop has opened already?
01:10Even old man Marsh is avoiding me. Mr. Marsh. And to think I ordered in the hamster toilet especially for him.
01:19Traitor. See you, bye.
01:23Wakey, wakey, Jakey, let's hit the road.
01:30OK, look, Jammer, if there's no other way to convince you, I'm prepared to perform one wish.
01:36Just to show you because...
01:38What? Oh, it's your Queen's Bones fantasy.
01:43The Queen's nose. It's not a fantasy. It really does grant wishes.
01:48Course it does, Jake. Like, I wish this 50p would buy me a packet of smoky bacon crisps and grant me about 10p change.
01:56OK, look, Jammer, but I'm sorry you asked for it.
02:00I wish my cousin Jammer would turn into a...
02:03a snake till she believed me.
02:06Oh, I'm so scared.
02:11Good work.
02:12Come on, freak boy, let's go.
02:14Maybe I'll stand in the wrong way.
02:17Or maybe I was holding it with my left hand when I wished.
02:21No.
02:22Maybe I was standing on one leg.
02:24Whatever.
02:25Or facing north.
02:26Come on.
02:27Look, I'm doing something wrong now, but...
02:30but it really does grant wishes.
02:33How can you explain the fact that Frank can speak to me?
02:36The ferret talks.
02:39Well, that would be interesting, I suppose.
02:42I mean, obviously only I can hear him.
02:45Only you can hear him.
02:46Of course.
02:47Naturally.
02:48Go on, Frank.
02:50Say something.
02:51Tell me something.
02:53And I'll tell Jammer.
02:57OK, well, now he's not saying anything.
02:59OK, I'll be waiting downstairs while you and your ferret work on your communication.
03:07Why didn't you say something?
03:09I didn't have anything to say.
03:11But now I do.
03:12Watch for lunch.
03:15What?
03:16Goodbye, lunch.
03:19Obviously I have to make more of an effort.
03:21Maybe I could learn some tricks.
03:24No.
03:29We sell everything and more.
03:31Isn't a slogan, it's a poke in the eye.
03:33Well, maybe Chief can sue them for, I don't know, unfair competition.
03:38What's unfair?
03:39Well, they're too big and flashy and they're just too good.
03:42It's not fair.
03:43This is bad.
03:44I mean, what will Chief do?
03:45The shop is everything to him.
03:47Wait.
03:48I have the answer.
03:50I can save the cabin.
03:52You're talking like Superman again.
03:55The Queen's nose.
03:56If I can make a ferret talk, I can easily save a shop.
04:00Oh, the magic coin.
04:01Brilliant.
04:02I forgot we had a magic coin.
04:03Everything's great with a magic coin.
04:05Uh, Jammer?
04:08Would you mind if we went that way?
04:10I think it's a bit quicker.
04:12What?
04:15Look, if you are so scared of Wesley and his pathetic gang,
04:18why don't you use your magic coin to make them all disappear?
04:21Yeah, well, I might just do that.
04:24Queen's nose.
04:26Please make them disappear.
04:28Forever.
04:30Hey, J, why don't you come and hang out with us, mate?
04:33Oh, hang on.
04:34I remember now.
04:35It's because you're not invited.
04:37Right.
04:38Loser.
04:39Look, don't take it personally.
04:41Oh, right.
04:42How am I supposed to take it?
05:04Hey, Marshy.
05:05Mr Marsh, what's going on?
05:06What have you got there?
05:07Oh, you know, nothing much.
05:09I thought you were closed,
05:10so I headed over to the other place, the new one.
05:13They really are very cheap, you know.
05:15I bet they are.
05:16I bet they didn't have an automatic shoehorn.
05:19They did.
05:21An alarm clock that caught Shakespeare.
05:26Don't tell me they had a hamster toilet.
05:33And it was on sale, too.
05:37Oi, magic boy.
05:39I heard you got a magic cone.
05:41Can I have a bite?
05:43I can't believe you told them, Gemma.
05:46I didn't tell them anything.
05:48They overheard me telling Lauren.
05:50Ooh, stand back, boys, or he might rub his magic cone.
05:54Don't turn us all into chocolate flakes.
05:57Yeah, well, you shouldn't be telling anyone.
06:00It's secret.
06:01It's...
06:02It's nothing.
06:03That's what it is.
06:04You stopped acting like a freak for five minutes.
06:06Maybe people have stopped treating you like one.
06:15Good man, Jake.
06:17Now, Chief will be down after the match to lock up,
06:20and you can call on Gemma if there's a rush on,
06:22although I don't think there's any danger of that.
06:24Oh, and you know you can kick the switch machine
06:26if it makes that funny noise.
06:28All right?
06:29See you later. Bye.
06:32Everyone's got something to do.
06:35Everyone except me and you.
06:37Oh, what's on your mind?
06:39I just...
06:41I just miss my dad, that's all.
06:43I mean, Chief and Carla are all right.
06:45Even Gemma doesn't mean to.
06:49Hi.
06:50Hello.
06:51Can I help you?
06:52Well, yeah, maybe.
06:53I'm looking for a book on magic for my magic hat.
06:55And I'm looking for a sandwich. I'm starving.
06:57You don't have any sandwiches, do you?
06:59Do they look like they sell sandwiches?
07:01Yeah, well, according to the sign, they sell everything.
07:03We did ask in the shop over the road, but they were so rude.
07:06And plus, we thought your shop looked much nicer.
07:08Well, we do have practically everything.
07:11Ah.
07:13This should do the trick, so to speak.
07:18This is great. Perfect.
07:19Yeah, well, I hope it's not too good, Sophie.
07:21To be honest, life without magic is a lot more relaxing.
07:24Although, we did still have the Queen's nose.
07:27I could wish for a sandwich as big as a bus right now.
07:30Sorry, hang on.
07:32Did you say the Queen's nose?
07:35You know about the Queen's nose?
07:37Know about it? I've got it in my pocket.
07:40Well, it's doing me any good.
07:42There you go.
07:43I knew there was something about this shop.
07:45The Queen must have led us here.
07:47Hold on. I don't think this is the Queen's nose.
07:49It's not?
07:50She's right, you know.
07:52Yeah, this is just an ordinary 50p.
07:54Is it?
07:57Hey, don't trust them. They might be lying.
08:00They seem to know what they're talking about, Frank.
08:02Uh, excuse me, did you just talk to your ferret?
08:05Uh, yeah.
08:07This'll probably sound crazy, but...
08:09The coin.
08:11It made it so I can hear him talk.
08:13Listen, after some of the stuff it did to us, that's nothing.
08:15And plus, he's a cute little fella, isn't he?
08:18There it is.
08:20The Queen's nose.
08:22Where?
08:23Here.
08:24Great.
08:25Hey, hey, hold on. It's not ours. It's his now.
08:28Nah, it's all right. You can keep it.
08:31All I've done with it so far is make a ferret talk so people think I'm crazy
08:34and mess up running the shop.
08:37In fact, since I've found it, my dad's gone abroad.
08:40I've got bored at school and, well,
08:42I'm about as wanted round here as a toothache at a birthday party.
08:46So maybe it's best if you take it.
08:48Listen, the coin hasn't caused you problems. It's come to help you.
08:51It only turns up when it's really needed.
08:53I hope it works properly and everything will turn out all right.
08:56OK?
08:57Yeah.
09:14I don't get it, Frank.
09:16Why was it in there?
09:18Well, I figured if you had the real coin,
09:21sooner or later you'd decide you didn't want to talk to a ferret any more
09:25and I'd lose my voice.
09:27And my best friend.
09:29Oh, Frankie, don't be like that.
09:32You're my best buddy.
09:33That may be true, but I wouldn't go broadcasting it.
09:36Oh, Gemma, nice to see you.
09:38Yes, I've cleared up the confusion with the coin
09:42and I'm pleased to say I am back in business.
09:45Please, give up.
09:47This is just too sad.
09:49Go ahead, cousin.
09:51Make my day.
09:52Just rub the nose and make a wish.
09:54But be careful what you wish for.
09:56Because it's going to happen.
09:58Oh, sure.
09:59Right, so if I was like...
10:02I wish that...
10:04Robin Hood was here right now, it would happen, would it?
10:08You're cold! Have the soup, my dear.
10:11Be an assistant.
10:13I...
10:15And you really...
10:17Looks like you owe me a rather fat apology.
10:20Hey, Robin.
10:21Hey!
10:22And now, how can I be of assistance to you two, my lesions?
10:27Oh, we're fine.
10:29It's Aunt and Chief and this place that needs help.
10:32Very well.
10:34Carla, Carla Greenspan.
10:36Yes?
10:37I am Robin Hood.
10:40Oh, right.
10:41I'm here at your service to assist and protect you.
10:47Um...
10:49Can you dance?
10:50Um, I think not.
10:53What I can do, however, what I most enjoy doing,
10:56is rubbing from the ridge and giving to the poor.
11:00Oh, right.
11:01Lovely.
11:02Um, but I'm going to go and do a dance class,
11:04so maybe you'd better push off.
11:06No, no, no, no, fair ladies.
11:08Sweet Maid Marian.
11:10If you desire to dance, then that is what we shall do.
11:17Oh, good grief.
11:20You waited.
11:21I'm so sorry.
11:22No trains, no taxis, and then could I find a florist?
11:26I'm so glad you waited.
11:29Sorry, is this guy bothering you?
11:31Um, no, not really.
11:33I think you'd better get off to your fancy dress party now, love.
11:36Very well.
11:37Good night, good sir, and farewell, sweet maiden.
11:41I bid you safe passage and Godspeed.
11:44I bid you safe passage and Godspeed.
11:47And now I'm off to rub from the ridge and give to the poor.
11:54He's really into that whole Robin Hood thing, isn't he?
11:59It appears identical in every way to an ordinary coin.
12:02But where's it from?
12:04Who made it?
12:05And more importantly, how does it work?
12:07I told you, you rub the nose.
12:09Oh, sure, it's as simple as that, is it?
12:11You rub the nose and these vivid shared hallucinations just happen, do they?
12:15Look, Gemma, they're not hallucinations.
12:17They're real.
12:18Of course they seem real.
12:20That's what hallucinations do.
12:23Oh, fairly, I must say, the yonder ward drove like some...
12:28Spaciousness of Sherwood Forest.
12:30Now, are you quite certain that King John's men are here about?
12:34Yeah, they're looking for you all over the place.
12:37You better get back in there and keep hiding.
12:39Very well.
12:40Ah, by the by.
12:42A flagon of mead and a small leg of mutton would make excellent companions.
12:47Uh, yeah, very good.
12:51Quite a hallucination you've got living in your wardrobe, Gemma.
12:55I'm just glad you didn't wish for Little John and Friar Tuck as well.
12:59OK, maybe, maybe these wishes are more than just hallucinations.
13:04But why do some last longer than others?
13:07The talking ferret's wish is still active.
13:09But the coolest boy in school wish stopped working days ago.
13:12Uh, yeah?
13:14You sure about that?
13:16I mean, I still kind of feel I've got the edge over most of those losers.
13:29That's right, little mouse, run from the cat!
13:35This is not good.
13:40He's losing his will to fight.
13:42He can't bring himself to face what's happening to the shop.
13:46Yeah, but on the plus side, maybe he'll persuade him to get satellite.
13:50Except with the shop gone, there'll be even less cash around.
13:53What are we going to do about him?
13:55Hey, your wish, your problem.
13:58What do you mean, my problem?
14:00Have a good day with your new friend.
14:02Oh, and Robin, try not to fire any more arrows, yeah?
14:07The notice board we can replace, I mean.
14:10Jake, come back here!
14:13Mr Hood, Robin, you'll be all right on your own today, yeah?
14:18Well, in truth,
14:21it would be passing sad to see out the day without my merry men.
14:25But since Sherwood is surely not far from here,
14:29I will call the fourth wave!
14:32No, Sherwood's miles!
14:35Don't worry, Chief, just the postman blowing his trumpet.
14:40So, you're my pen friend from Norway, right?
14:43Zing! Hoo! For Norway!
14:45Could at least try a Norwegian accent.
14:48Oh, look, it's Magic Boy's little cousin.
14:51Who's your friend? You see magic too?
14:53He sure looks magic in those tights.
14:56Do they mock me? Shall I run them through?
14:59Don't run them through. Don't say anything.
15:02Don't run them through. Don't say anything. Don't do anything.
15:05Hey, light the bow and arrow.
15:07Who do you think you are, Robin Hood?
15:09Robin of the Hood will not be mocked by vagabonds.
15:13Well, shouldn't you be in Sherwood Forest with Maid Marian?
15:16Yes, well, matter of fact, things aren't going too well between myself and Ma...
15:20Not that that is of any of your concern!
15:23Hey, mate, try shooting that off my head with one of your arrows.
15:27You, sir, address the wrong man.
15:30That is the stick of William Tell.
15:34William Tell!
15:36I love to be confused with that one-trick pony!
15:39Congratulations.
15:41You've managed to find a one-bloke who's even more of an idiot than your cousin.
15:48Look, you are not Robin Hood.
15:51You are Oleg from Norway.
15:54Oh! Will someone help me here?
15:57But no more, Master Wesley.
16:00I have stuck there like a pincushion.
16:03He's from just outside Oslo.
16:06Apparently you're allowed to shoot arrows in school in Norway.
16:10Weird, huh?
16:12You wished for him?
16:14Well, it's your magic coin. Why should I have to look after him?
16:17Oh, is that what you've been doing?
16:19I didn't notice much looking after going on
16:22when he tied the headmaster up and was rifling through his wallet.
16:25Yeah, well, the dinner ladies weren't complaining
16:27when he was handing out the fivers.
16:29I'm just lucky the police didn't find him up that tree.
16:32Couldn't he stick to something a bit less criminal,
16:34like the apple-on-the-head trick?
16:36That's William Tell.
16:38Sorry?
16:39Forget it. Look, I've got much more important things to worry about at the moment.
16:42Oh, yeah? Like what exactly?
16:44Like Chief. I'm really worried about him.
16:46He won't move off the sofa.
16:48He's never watched TV in his life before.
16:50And now he watches Neighbours twice a day.
16:52Oh.
16:53If the shop doesn't get some customers soon, something bad's going to happen.
16:56He's going to lose his reason to live.
16:58Well, it's all down to the new shop over the road.
17:00They're just coining in our expense.
17:03I have an idea.
17:05We must rob from the rich shop to give to the poor shop.
17:10Brilliant.
17:12I've no idea why, but I had a feeling you were going to say something like that.
17:16The thing is, that's not how it works these days.
17:20The modern taxation system is effectively a form of wealth redistribution.
17:24Those with greater income contribute more to public services.
17:28But...
17:30I've got a bow and arrow, and I'm a really good shot.
17:37No, you hang up.
17:39Mum, can you have a word with Grandad?
17:42He's started to record everything in case he misses something good.
17:45Hang on a minute. I've got to go.
17:49I'll see you in half an hour.
17:51OK. Bye.
17:55That is not the same phone conversation you were having two hours ago, is it?
18:00Maybe. I suppose so.
18:02Time flies when you're having fun.
18:04What if someone was trying to call?
18:06And where are we going to get the money for that phone bill?
18:09Not from the shop, that's for sure.
18:11Sweetheart, can we talk about this later? I'm going to be late.
18:15Mother, you are not going out dressed like that.
18:18What's wrong with the way I'm dressed?
18:21Mum!
18:25Right. All right.
18:31Well, there's nothing in the fridge. Or the cupboard.
18:34I know. He ate most of it.
18:36Let me out! Let me out, I say!
18:38You didn't!
18:40He's been getting distracting.
18:42We can't find out something, anything, about the coin.
18:45We've got to find a way of getting rid of the Prince of Thieves.
18:48But we don't know how many wishes we've got left.
18:50Oh, right. Well, I've done searches under magic coins, magic 50p's,
18:54wish-granting currency.
18:56Apparently in Spain there's a mythical magic for Sata,
18:59which makes hair grow out of your fingernails.
19:01But apart from that, zilch.
19:03You let me out!
19:06Don't worry. He's only got three.
19:09Right. Well, I was going to say...
19:16I kind of forgot to show you this.
19:19When the coin popped out the till, a message came with it.
19:23So I wrote it down.
19:25Oh, right. Great. You forgot to show me the message that came with the coin,
19:29explaining all about it.
19:31You can pay my internet phone bill for the last two days.
19:33Evening.
19:35Hi, Chief. How are you doing?
19:37Ever better. Five channels, but only one me.
19:41Taffy.
19:44Yeah.
19:46Anyway, the message explains that the Queen's Nose grants ten wishes.
19:50And we've already used up four.
19:52Six left.
19:54We can definitely spare one for emergencies.
19:56Farewell, Robin. I have a feeling you'll be much more merry back in the forest.
20:00No way! You can't just waste a wish like that.
20:03It's my magic coin.
20:05Hey! You're the expert in wasting wishes.
20:08Talking ferret. Need I say more?
20:10And it's my magic coin. It came from my till in my house.
20:13Right. I get it. It's not my house.
20:16I don't really belong here.
20:18That's not what I meant.
20:20Yeah, but it's what you all think.
20:22Maybe I'll use the coin to wish for a proper family.
20:31Jake! Jake! Wake up!
20:34What?
20:36Robin escaped. He must have had more arrows than I thought.
20:39We've got to go and find him.
20:43I am sure I heard something from inside the shop.
20:46Did you hear anything?
20:48Probably just Chief reloading the video.
20:51What's going on?
20:53This maniac threatened me with his bow and arrow.
20:56Then he stole all the deliveries for the shop over the road.
20:59The rich will pay the poor man's way
21:02And Robin's men will win the day
21:09Oh, great.
21:11Well, that was another great night.
21:13You're not angry with me for dropping you on your head?
21:15Do you know that if we were Eskimos
21:17that would be an official marriage proposal?
21:19Really?
21:21No.
21:23Um...
21:25I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to come in for a coffee?
21:28Normally people ask that when they're outside their front door.
21:31This is my front door.
21:35You live here?
21:37Well, I know it's not much, but...
21:39I don't think I can come in.
21:42Not tonight.
21:44OK.
21:45I mean, don't get me wrong, I've had a great time.
21:47It's fine, I understand.
21:50Um, so I'll see you at the next class then, maybe?
21:53Sure. Absolutely.
21:58Bye.
22:06Evening, Billy.
22:08Everything all right with the delivery?
22:10Trust me, Mr MacLean, you don't want to know.
22:12No.
22:14No, I don't want to know.
22:19Trust me, it's for the best.
22:21There's this big road protest camp in Sherwood Forest.
22:24They live in trees. Everything.
22:26They're robbing.
22:27Are they merry?
22:29I mean, if they're not merry, they've been very ill-qualified for the role of merry men.
22:32Trust me, they don't come any merrier.
22:34They were recently voted Britain's merriest men.
22:37Oh.
22:38But the rich, what of the rich?
22:40Who will do the robbing?
22:42Um...
22:43Don't worry.
22:44We'll do that.
22:46Very well.
22:48Farewell, brood companions.
22:50Bye.
22:53Ha-ha!
22:55Ho-ho, Kingsman!
22:57Good riddance!
23:01See? All we had to do was put our heads together.
23:04Worked like a dream.
23:06You're right. I suppose I owe you an apology.
23:09You do?
23:10I called you a freak.
23:12You're not a freak. You're a geek.
23:14But you're an all right geek.
23:16Thanks.
23:17And you know what?
23:18I think we're going to be all right, you, me and our magic coin.
23:21My magic coin?
23:23Hey, I thought we were going to be a team.
23:25Do you want to swap rooms, then?
23:27Because I wouldn't mind a turn in our nice big room.
23:30That's not part of the deal.
23:32I didn't know there was a deal, Gemma.
23:34Oh.
23:51THE END