The Queens Nose - Season 6 - Season Six - Episode 5
Children's drama series about a magical coin which makes dreams come true. Melody prepares for her appearance on Top of the Pops. The Helping Hands agency has some grotty jobs lined up for the girls. And Jack's search for the money does not go according to plan.
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TVTranscript
00:00That was the worst day in the history of the world, ever.
00:19The worst.
00:20Ever.
00:21No, I was talking about me.
00:23My day.
00:24The worst.
00:25Ever.
00:27All right, then.
00:28Everyone, one pound for the worst day in the history of the world, ever.
00:32Winner takes all.
00:33You first.
00:34You sure?
00:35Winner takes all?
00:36You first.
00:37OK.
00:38Think back to this morning, 11 o'clock, the argument.
00:39But you said.
00:40I did not say.
00:41There was no point at which I said.
00:42There was.
00:43There was a moment.
00:44I distinctly remember.
00:45We all remember, don't we?
00:46Yeah.
00:47See?
00:48I have my career to think about.
00:49I have my career to think about.
00:50I have my career to think about.
00:51I have my career to think about.
00:52I have my career to think about.
00:53I have my career to think about.
00:54I have my career to think about.
00:55I have my performance to think about.
00:56When I appear on top of the pops today, all eyes will be upon me.
00:57I will explode onto the pop world like a supernova.
00:58They will love me.
00:59Want me.
01:00I will be brilliant.
01:01I will be a superstar.
01:02And you will be at home.
01:03Understood?
01:04We've got better things to do anyway.
01:05Yeah.
01:06Much better things.
01:07Much better things.
01:08Much better things.
01:09Much better things.
01:10Much better things.
01:11Much better things.
01:12Much better things.
01:13Much better things.
01:14Much better things.
01:15Much better things.
01:16Much better things.
01:17Much better things.
01:18Much better things.
01:19Much better things.
01:20Much better things.
01:21Much better things.
01:22Much better things.
01:23Pirate!
01:24Did you find out where they took the money?
01:25Brilliant.
01:26Is it in...
01:27Lambeth?
01:28Westminster?
01:29No.
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04:44Look at my hands.
04:46Red wool.
04:49Nothing.
04:50Nothing?
04:51Nothing compared to what happened to me.
04:55After the argument with Melody, I just decided to check out the help at Hangang's website,
04:59when I felt a tap on my shoulder.
05:01Sophie, I've got to talk to you.
05:03Okay.
05:04I honestly thought he was joking.
05:06He went nattering on about me and him going to steal the money back.
05:09I had no idea he'd talk to you first, Sam.
05:11Jack, Jack, Jack, I'd hate to shatter your dreams,
05:14but do you really think I'd take part in such a harebrained, lunatic scheme as that?
05:20Let it go, Jack. It's only money.
05:22And it's not even your money.
05:24That's not the point, Sophie.
05:25Somebody has to put things right.
05:27Whatever.
05:28Sam, Sam, come look at this.
05:30The help at Hangang website.
05:31Besides, there are much more important things on my mind.
05:34And I'm so good with children. Please let me do the children.
05:37I must admit, I thought I'd drawn the longest straw.
05:40Babysitting two kids in the middle of the afternoon.
05:43It had to be a doddle.
05:46Oh, hello.
05:48They're pets, both of them.
05:51Just make sure they're happy and don't let them get into mischief.
05:54Oh, as if they would.
05:56She seems so intelligent, doesn't she, darling?
05:59Yeah.
06:00Oh, and homework.
06:01Don't forget about the homework. That's the most important thing.
06:05They were so sweet and so cute and so cuddly.
06:09How could it all go so horribly wrong?
06:12Right then, shall we get on with the homework?
06:17That's when I realised they were demons from the deepest pits of hell.
06:21All right, you. Hands up.
06:23You're dead.
06:27No, stop!
06:28Please, stop!
06:31Hey, stop that!
06:36Please, I'm sorry, I love her, I want her now!
06:39Come on, give me the ball, man!
06:41Come on, give me the ball!
07:01My beautiful home!
07:05The worst day in the history of the world ever.
07:08You've got us, I had no idea, what a terrible...
07:10Hold on, hold on, what about me? We haven't finished yet.
07:13Are you sure you don't want to concede now?
07:15Not by a long chop.
07:17Looks like Jack spoke to all of us.
07:19I just didn't realise he was so serious.
07:21I think maybe I was a bit harsh with him.
07:24I don't know.
07:26I just didn't realise he was so serious.
07:28I think maybe I was a bit harsh with him.
07:30You're mad and you're thick and you're completely insane.
07:32If you think we're going to help you get the money back...
07:34Mad, yeah, insane, yeah, they both mean the same thing.
07:36Yeah, well, you're both, I'm crazy too.
07:38All right, OK, I get it, look, if nobody's going to help me,
07:41I'll just have to do it by myself.
07:43Oh, yeah, like you ever would.
07:45I would.
07:46Go on, then.
07:47I will. I will.
07:49I mean, I don't think he really did, did he?
07:52Anyway, I had other things on my mind too.
07:56Oh, dog walking, can I do the dogs?
07:58I love dogs and they love me.
08:01Just make sure they're happy.
08:03Don't let them get into any mischief.
08:06Come on, doggies.
08:08Porkies.
08:10Porkies.
08:11All right, if you want to play rough, I can play rough.
08:14Can you get it?
08:16That's when I realised they were demons from the deepest pits of hell.
08:20That was my babysitting kids.
08:22You think?
08:27Why?
08:28Why did you have to go in there?
08:31Why?
08:34Just give me five minutes rest, OK?
08:36Then we go home.
08:38Please?
08:39Please?
08:40Five minutes!
08:45Stop!
08:46It's so funny!
08:56Oh!
08:59You got us.
09:00The worst.
09:01In the world.
09:02Ever.
09:07That was the worst day in the history of the world.
09:11Ever.
09:12Hang on, I think we might have a new contender.
09:16I don't know when it all went wrong.
09:19All I can tell you is that from the moment I got back home,
09:22the clock was ticking down to the end of my life as I know it.
09:29How do I look?
09:33What do you think? It's like a cross between walking and running.
09:37It's a revolution, I think.
09:41No!
09:42I'm talking about me now, not you and your stupid inventions.
09:48Don't pass out on me when I'm talking to you, Gregory.
09:53Look at me.
09:56This is my big day.
09:58I don't imagine you've even thought about ordering a taxi to take me to the BBC.
10:04Yes, dear.
10:05Of course I have, dear.
10:07It's probably waiting outside now.
10:18I assume that this is a joke, Gregory,
10:21because there is no way I will be arriving at the top of the pop studio
10:26in that clapped-out old banger from Duff Drives.
10:29Full stop!
10:31But I was trying to be helpful, my angel.
10:34Duff Drives are very reliable.
10:36Reliable?
10:39Gregory, when you are the top, poppermost pop idol,
10:45you do not turn up at the top of the pop studios in a car that looks like that!
10:50If you were really being thoughtful, you would have called Posh Limo cabs,
10:54which mistake you will be rectifying right about now.
10:59Posh Limo?
11:00It's under P in the book.
11:03And get a chauffeur with a hat, OK?
11:08I didn't mean to be so hard on Gregors,
11:10but this was my big moment, my big break.
11:14I wanted everything to be perfect,
11:16but unfortunately, it wasn't to be.
11:21Where is it?
11:23They said they'd be here.
11:25They have to be here!
11:39Where is it?
11:41They said they'd be here.
11:43It's not here!
11:47At last, some good luck!
11:53You're going the wrong way!
11:56We're going the right way, love.
11:57You sure it's going the wrong way?
12:04Help me!
12:05Please!
12:06I've got to pop music!
12:08Please help me!
12:10Taxi!
12:15The BBC! Step on it!
12:20Top of the top!
12:21We're here now!
12:24Top of the top!
12:26You're too late, love. Filming's finished.
12:30My life is finished!
12:35My life is finished.
12:38I think she deserves it, yeah.
12:40Definitely. The three pounds is hers.
12:42What about me?
12:44What happened to you?
12:45My invention. It blew up.
12:48Your inventions always blow up.
12:51I win.
12:53But what about Jack?
12:59I know we were a bit hard on him,
13:01but you don't think he would really...
13:03What?
13:04Go after the money on his own?
13:05No, of course not.
13:07He'll probably be home any minute.
13:09Yeah! Any minute!
13:37Well, well, well.
13:39Why have we here?
13:41It looks like we may have stumbled across a way
13:44of making a big pile of money in there
13:46grow into an even bigger pile of money.
13:49Ha, ha, ha!
13:51Ha, ha, ha!
13:53Ha, ha, ha!
13:55Ha, ha, ha!
13:57Ha, ha, ha!
13:59Ha, ha, ha!
14:01Ha, ha, ha!
14:03Ha, ha, ha!
14:05Ha, ha, ha!
14:11Hello?
14:13Yeah.
14:15No.
14:21Yeah.
14:23Okay.
14:26Yeah.
14:30Was that Jack?
14:32He's okay, yeah?
14:34He was caught by the crooks.
14:36They want all Melody's money from her record
14:38before they let him go.
14:39Well, let's call the police!
14:41They advised us not to,
14:42if we want to see Jack back in one piece, that is.
14:45Are you going to tell her or shall I?
14:47I think it's time to use our secret weapon.
14:50That's a good idea.
14:52But...
14:53But what? We need to save Jack, don't we?
14:55Yeah, of course we do, but I'm worried.
14:57I mean, the Queenstowners were sent to me
14:59to make sure Melody and Gregory stay together
15:01and look at them.
15:04Ha, ha, ha!
15:09But...
15:10Why don't we make a sort of...
15:12global wish?
15:14What do you mean?
15:15I know what she means.
15:16We use one for Melody and Gregory,
15:18but at the same time it helps Jack as well.
15:20Yeah, maybe us too.
15:21I've got it.
15:22We've all had a bad day today, right?
15:24And we've all made mistakes.
15:25But if we had a chance to correct those mistakes,
15:27then everything would be all right, yeah?
15:29I certainly wouldn't let those dogs get another one over on me.
15:32I could get another crack at those kids.
15:34Let's do it then.
15:37OK.
15:38We wish...
15:40We wish that if we had our time again,
15:42we could remember our mistakes and learn by them.
15:46Sam, Sam, come and look at this.
15:47The helper hand gang website.
15:49Drop a sale for them.
15:50Oh, excellent.
15:51We do have something better to do
15:52than go to stupid Tumfor Pops and stupid Melody.
15:54What have we got?
15:55Dog walking, babysitting
15:57and helping out at the cafe on the corner.
15:59Gasp it up.
16:00Oh, dog walking.
16:01Can I do the dogs?
16:02I love dogs.
16:03And I think they love me.
16:05Well, I'll do the kids then,
16:07cos I'm really good with kids.
16:08And they always do exactly what I say.
16:12You're leaving me with the cafe.
16:14All right then.
16:15Well, actually, no, I don't mind.
16:16I mean, you can do the babysitting if you want.
16:18Or the dogs.
16:19I've got this weird feeling.
16:21So have I.
16:22Like we've been here before.
16:24Well, I'll see you lot later then.
16:26Yeah, whatever.
16:31I assume that this is a joke, Gregory,
16:34because there is no way I will be arriving
16:37at the Tumfor Pops studios
16:39in that cracked-out old banger from Duff Drives.
16:42Full stop.
16:44But I was trying to be helpful, my angel.
16:46Duff Drives are very reliable.
16:48Reliable?
16:50Gregory, what's more important,
16:53reliable or reliable?
16:56Gregory, what's more important,
16:59reliability or style?
17:03Well, reliability, I suppose.
17:09Yes.
17:10I wouldn't want to be late.
17:13Maybe I could just get him to drop me off around the corner.
17:16That's the ticket.
17:20You are a thoughtful pet, aren't you?
17:22Are you OK?
17:23Yes.
17:24Slucky I thought to put this crash helmet on.
17:26I could have caused myself a nasty injury.
17:30Oh, did I mention we've got a co-sign of builders
17:32coming in from a construction site of junction 3 of the M40
17:35at half-past twelve?
17:36And they do like their sandwiches.
17:44Right.
17:49Right.
17:52Right.
17:54Twelve more fish paste,
17:56half a dozen tuna nicoise and a fried egg back.
17:58Fish paste on the side, tuna on the way
18:00and fried eggs to take home.
18:02Right.
18:21All right, you, hands up.
18:23You're dead.
18:27Are you feeling lucky?
18:32Ha-ha-ha-ha!
18:36Homework time, I think.
18:55Cup of the pops, madam?
18:56Yes.
18:57If I may say so, madam, you require a million dollars.
19:00Well, you may say so, you really may.
19:05Now, straight on to the top spot this week,
19:07with our debut single,
19:10make some noise for Melanie Parker Woods.
19:15♪ Make a wish, anything you want, ♪
19:19♪ I can make your dreams come true. ♪
19:22♪ Make a wish, anything you need, ♪
19:26♪ I can make you feel so good. ♪
19:30♪ Look into my eyes, trust in me, totally. ♪
19:38♪ I can help you find what you need, set you free. ♪
19:46♪ Let me take control of your mind and your soul. ♪
19:51♪ And your soul, now your hands are tied. ♪
19:57♪ Who knows what we will find? It's okay, it's alright. ♪
20:04♪ There's magic here tonight. So all you gotta do is... ♪
20:12♪ Make a wish, anything you want, I can make your dreams. ♪
20:18♪ Make a wish, anything you need, I can make you feel so good. ♪
20:25♪ Make a wish, do, do, do, do, I can make your dreams come true. ♪
20:33♪ Make a wish, do, do, do, do, I can make... ♪
20:38♪ Do, do, do, do, do, I can make your dreams come true. ♪
20:47Right. That should be pretty easy to break into.
20:55Why am I talking to myself? Nobody talks to themselves.
21:04Just do it, Jack. Get the money back and stop talking to yourself.
21:10OK? OK? OK.
21:13That was a good day.
21:15A very good day.
21:16Possibly the best day in the history of the world ever.
21:21How was it, Melody? Did it go well?
21:23Yes.
21:24Huh?
21:25Yes.
21:26Yes as in yes.
21:28Yes as in I am a star.
21:33Oh, Gregory, I love you.
21:38Really? Oh, great. Really?
21:46Where's Jack?
21:49I don't think he...
21:52He'll probably be home any minute.
21:54Yeah, any minute.
22:01Hello?
22:03Yeah.
22:05What?
22:08Yeah.
22:10OK.
22:12Bye.
22:14Was that Jack?
22:16Uh-huh.
22:17Is he in trouble?
22:19He did it.
22:21It was incredible. It was like I knew what was going to happen.
22:23I thought to myself that even if it was a dream, I should learn by my mistakes, right?
22:27And I did. I really did.
22:29I called the transport police over, told them about the stolen money.
22:32They set up a sting operation and caught them both.
22:35Oh, and apparently there might be a reward.
22:37Not that I want any one because I just wanted to get the money back, but I mean if I...
22:40You don't want reward money? Are you mad?
22:43Well, apparently it's mine whether I want it or not.
22:45You want it. Believe me, you want it.
22:47Quiet, everybody. Quiet.
22:50I want to say a few words.
22:52Now, I know I've been a little difficult lately, a bit on edge.
22:57But from this moment on, I'm a different Melody.
23:01I've learned from my mistakes.
23:03Life begins again from today.
23:06The old Melody is gone.
23:08Say hello to the new Melody.
23:11The nice, kind, generous, thoughtful, loving Melody.
23:17Melody the successful.
23:19Melody the star.
23:21I love you all.
23:24And now, in place of our advertised programme,
23:27we will be going to Adrian's Small Jobs and gardening around Britain.
23:30What?
23:32What are you talking about?
23:34Our apologies to those waiting for Top of the Pops,
23:37but it has been cancelled due to an industrial dispute.
23:40And now, over to Adrian.
23:42No!
23:45And now, over to Adrian.
23:47No!