The Queens Nose - Season 7 - Season Seven - Episode 6
Children's drama series about a magical coin which grants wishes. Wesley wishes for a pound every time anyone says `it's mine', but starts gaining pounds in weight rather than money. Jake uses his final wish to be smart and witty, and goes about trying to fix things.
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00:00My dearest Carla, I'm sorry. I'm very sorry indeed. I cannot apologize enough. I am truly,
00:22truly sorry. Please forgive me. All my love, Duncan. P.S. I'm sorry. You know, I think
00:29he's sorry, Carla. I think he's very sorry. What do you want me to do with them this time,
00:34Carla? Put them in the bin for all I care. I can't do that. The bin's already full. Look,
00:40Dad, if Duncan thinks that he can make everything all right with a few cheap flowers, then he's
00:45utterly deluded. He tricked me to get to your shop, and I feel totally used. Well, actually,
00:53the flowers aren't that cheap. And there aren't exactly a few of them, Carla. Oh, it all amounts
00:59to the same thing, Chief. He tried to put you out of business so that his shop could earn more
01:03money. And he's trying to get to you by softening me up with gifts. Well, as far as I'm concerned,
01:09he's a rat. So his plan is to get to me by buying you gifts? Yes. You know, I can't help thinking
01:16that he might get along better if he just bought the gifts for me instead. You want me to throw
01:23all these out? No, don't do that. I'm not the fun of flowers.
01:33It's my big day, Jake. The day of the date. So what do you think? I want you as well.
01:39Forget about your date for a minute and listen to me. This is important. I think we really
01:44messed up. I don't think Duncan's after the shop at all. I think he really does like Carla.
01:52I think he actually might be a genuinely nice person. And Carla liked him and, well,
01:57we wrecked it for them.
01:59Baby pink or electric blue?
02:01I don't know. Blue. Anyway, I'm feeling guilty, so I've decided that we should put it right.
02:08So use a wish. Yes?
02:11No. Don't you think I've already thought about that? There's only one wish left and...
02:16And you wanted to use the last wish for yourself. You missed your dad and you feel you've made
02:20no real friends around here.
02:21Since when did you get so clever?
02:23That one. Since forever, Jake. And don't worry, there are two wishes left. One for you and
02:28one for mum. Easy.
02:30Two wishes? Are you sure?
02:33Jake, hello, of course I'm sure. So let's think of a really great wish to sort mum out.
02:40But now I have a make-up conference with Lauren to get to.
02:45Right, I need sweets. Hey, let's put all our money together, yeah?
02:50I've got...
02:53Julie's nail scissors and Neil's comb.
02:56Darren?
02:58Seven pence and a detention slip.
03:02Nick?
03:03You know I'm saving mine.
03:04What, for your date?
03:05Yes, for my date.
03:07Well, that's that then. No sweets.
03:11Unless...
03:13Darren, I need a favour.
03:15Go on.
03:16How about if I wish for it to go back in time and...
03:20And what if I wish for a quarter pound of liquor sauce salts, a bag of wine gums and a can of coke?
03:26Thanks, Darren. Another ferret bite neatly avoided.
03:29Give it back! It's mine!
03:31Are you sure? Do you know, I wish I got a pound for every time someone said that to me.
03:40Give it back, it's mine!
03:41Come on.
03:43I've got a funny feeling that the kind of pounds Wesley wished for aren't the money kind of pounds at all.
03:49I think I might just have a plan.
03:52It's mine!
03:53Oi, Wesley!
03:57That's my coin, you know.
03:58Well, if you want it, why don't you come and get it back off me then, eh?
04:01I don't need to come and get it, because you're going to give me it in exchange for this.
04:06And what would I want with an old thing like that then?
04:10It's mine!
04:20Hey, give me that poster!
04:21Not until you give me the coin!
04:26Those do look sweet, anyway.
04:33It's impossible. One wish left to put everything right.
04:37How can one wish fix Carla's problems and my problems?
04:45Don't answer the phone if it rings. That idiot from the shop opposite keeps hassling me with
04:49calls. I've got a good mind to call the police. That's nice to hear.
05:00Some problems can be solved without magic. You know that?
05:03How do you mean? Nobody answer that! That must be Duncan on the phone now.
05:11Nice one. Duncan, hi. Jake here. Right, listen, I really think you and Carla could...
05:19Oh, hi, Dad. Jake, I've got some leave. Dad, that's fantastic. When?
05:24Oh, from Monday. I'm sorry it's such short notice, but I can't wait to see you.
05:28Brilliant. Me neither. So how long for? Just a couple of weeks, I'm afraid.
05:32Listen, son, I know you've not been particularly happy staying there with Carla, but you don't
05:36have to spell it out. I can tell from your letters.
05:39Well, I... Look, Jake, don't worry. We'll put our heads
05:43together next week and we'll try and sort something else out. Maybe boarding school.
05:48Look, mate, I've got to go, all right? Has anyone seen my lip gloss?
05:54If that ferret's been eating again, I'll...
06:04A bear? What is he doing sending me a bear? Does he think I'm six?
06:08Listen, if the doorbell rings, do not answer it.
06:14Bingo, call you Eddie.
06:17Hey, you see this? Pastrami, mayonnaise, gherkin, banana, parmesan and pickle.
06:23And just a hint of chocolate spread. A recipe of my mother's from the old country,
06:28except for the chocolate spread bit, which is my own edition.
06:37So, are we getting out of this madhouse?
06:40Well, you know, Frank, I'm beginning to think that it's not that bad here after all.
06:45Eh?
06:46Even if I haven't got any friends. At least I've got family.
06:50And even if they're a bit of a weird family.
06:53I've decided. I'm going to use the last wish on Carla.
06:57A wall of amazing wishes and you're going to waste your last one on somebody else?
07:02Ah, you humans could learn a lot from ferrets. We never think about anyone else.
07:08Go on, then. What's it going to wish?
07:11I wish... I wish I could be clever and confident and wise enough to sort everything out myself.
07:22I can feel it. At last. It's working.
07:28I'm not a nerd anymore. I'm going to be cool. Like Nick.
07:33Nick!
07:38Nick? What is that smell?
07:42I put on some aftershave. It was only a small tin.
07:46You put the whole tin on? That stuff reeks!
07:50Yeah, sorry. It does a bit. You look great, by the way.
07:54Thanks. So...
08:04I won! I won!
08:08Come on! Come on! Come on!
08:11I'm in the lead! I'm in the lead!
08:15Beat you!
08:17Go!
08:19Up!
08:21Yay!
08:24Up!
08:30Oh, no.
08:33Yahoo!
08:37Yahoo!
08:41I had a good time. Thanks.
08:43I had a good time, too. You're actually very good at hiding the fact that you're a nice person.
08:48How do you mean?
08:49Well, you hang around with that idiot, Wesley. You make fun of Jake.
08:54Well, I'm going to be sick of Wesley to tell you the truth. And sorry about Jake. He's all right, I suppose.
09:00You think Jake's all right?
09:02Will you do me a favour, then?
09:04Sure.
09:05Could you be a bit more friendly towards him?
09:07Only, he's planning on leaving because he doesn't think he's made any friends around here.
09:11And I'm kind of getting used to having him around.
09:14Yeah, all right.
09:17I need to talk to you about Duncan, Carla.
09:19Do not talk to me about Duncan.
09:21To date, he's sent round 23 bunches of flowers, which I have to arrange and find homes for.
09:27As if I didn't have enough to do.
09:29Cuddly toys?
09:30He has a bare-faced cheek to have seven large boxes of chocolates delivered.
09:35Does he not know I'm watching my weight?
09:37Askily thoughtless.
09:39I'd like to thank you, Jake, for unmasking him for me.
09:42Actually, Carla, I think I might have made a mistake.
09:46It was very sweet of you to try and make me feel better, but it's better that I know about Duncan.
09:50He's just a business man trying to do a deal.
09:54He didn't care anything about me.
09:59It's stupid to think that somebody like him would go for somebody like me.
10:03I can't believe you're talking like this, Carla.
10:06You're a brilliant, lovely, fantastic person.
10:11You help everybody.
10:12You do everything for Gemma and me.
10:14Particularly me.
10:16Because she's not even my mum, and you still do everything for me.
10:20I look after you because I want to look after you.
10:24Well, maybe Duncan invited you out because he wanted to invite you out.
10:29Duncan would be stupid if he didn't see how nice you were.
10:32And I don't think Duncan's stupid.
10:35Do you know what, Jake?
10:37You're really pretty smart.
10:40But I would never go out with Duncan again.
10:43It would be a total betrayal of Chief and the cabin and everything he's worked so long for.
10:49But thanks.
10:51Thanks for making me feel better.
11:00Right, here's your chance. Remember you promised to be nice.
11:03I'll be very nice, and then you'll ask him, right?
11:07Not you, Lauren.
11:09I know you'll be nice, and yes, I'll ask him.
11:12But it's them I'm worried about.
11:14Don't worry. We'll be nice.
11:16Darren?
11:17Yeah, why not? He's OK, I guess.
11:20All right, then, just try.
11:22Hi, Jake.
11:23Hi.
11:25Hi.
11:26Hi.
11:27So are you doing anything this afternoon?
11:30Jake, you don't need them. You've got me, Frankie.
11:33Come on, let's go and buy some cakes.
11:35Well, we could go to the arcade.
11:38You could show me how to play Alien Planet, Darren.
11:41You were good at that.
11:43Yeah, I could. That'd be a laugh.
11:46Oh, Nick, I was wondering if you could tell me where you got your trainers from.
11:50You like these? Sure, I'll show you.
11:53Great.
11:55You look nice, Lauren.
11:57Have you done something with your hair?
11:59Yeah, I had some highlights put in.
12:03Fancy going to the newsagents and getting some cokes?
12:06My treat. I've got a couple of quid for helping Chief out in the shop.
12:09Brilliant. I've slowly got seven pence.
12:12And a detention slip.
12:14Shut up.
12:17Uh-oh. Barrage balloon, 11 o'clock.
12:20Don't be so mean. It's not his fault.
12:24Wesley!
12:26Wesley, mate, you're looking great.
12:30Yeah, nice threads.
12:33I just got fat. All of a sudden.
12:36Had to borrow some of my uncle's clothes.
12:38He's a professional darts player, you know.
12:40Really? Great sense of style.
12:43My mum's got me eating lettuce and cucumber.
12:46And I'm starving all the time, but, well, look at me.
12:49I just keep getting bigger and bigger and bigger.
12:51What am I going to do?
12:53Hey, I think I've got an idea that can help you.
12:56Really? Look, I'll do anything, anything.
12:59Come with me.
13:02Were you asking for me now?
13:04Go on, please.
13:08The way I figure it is that this could well be a case of corpulence syndrome.
13:13Corpu-what?
13:15It's a rare affliction, but there is a way to cure it.
13:19Look, how? Just tell me how.
13:21It's easy. In fact, for you, it's going to be very, very tough.
13:26Look, I'll do anything, all right? Anything. Just tell me, please.
13:29You're going to have to be nice to people, Wesley.
13:33What, is that it?
13:35Oh, yeah, that's it.
13:37For every nice thing you do, you'll find, little by little, you'll lose a bit of weight.
13:41It's psychosomatic.
13:43Psycho-what?
13:45Never mind, Wesley. Just trust me.
13:51How do you know it'll work?
13:52I don't. But even if it doesn't, there's no harm in having a nice Wesley around for a change.
13:56What's come over you, Jake? All of a sudden, you're clever, confident.
14:00You're a different person. Nick and Dan really liked you, you know.
14:04Yeah. What's it supposed to do?
14:07Lauren liked you even more.
14:09Really? Lauren? Did she?
14:12Yeah. She asked me if I'd ask you to go out with her.
14:16Me? Lauren?
14:19Out? When? How? I don't know.
14:23What's not to know? Do you like her or don't you?
14:26Well, yeah, of course I like her. There's nothing not to like about her, but why me?
14:31Life's a strange thing, Jake. There must be one explanation.
14:34You must be... OK.
14:37Yeah. I must, mustn't I?
14:39Hey, stop it! That's mine!
14:41Give us the bag, now!
14:42Give it back!
14:45Oi! What do you think you're doing, fatty?
14:48I'm telling you to give that girl her bag back.
14:51And if you don't, do you know what I'm gonna do?
14:54I'm gonna sit on you.
14:58Keep the bag.
15:06A bit looser.
15:10Thanks a lot.
15:12Think nothing of it.
15:15Well, do you need a hand?
15:17Of course, thank you, young man. You are kind.
15:26I've got copulence syndrome, you know.
15:29Have you?
15:31It's psychosomatic.
15:34Oh, I see. Your trousers are falling down.
15:38That's all right, ma'am. Just means the cure's working.
15:43One protractor.
15:45One box of breath mints.
15:48One hairdryer.
15:51And a pair of fishnet stockings.
15:54For my wife?
15:57Naturally.
15:59You know, Chief, I'm glad you're not selling.
16:02What do you mean, selling?
16:04That fellow across the road, word is he wants to buy your shop.
16:09But your shop isn't for sale, is it, Chief?
16:11Not at the moment.
16:12Your shop is your life, isn't it, Chief?
16:14Well, I suppose...
16:15You couldn't live without your shop.
16:17Well, maybe...
16:18No, you're doing the right thing.
16:20You stick it out here.
16:22Whatever he offers you, even if it's way, way more than it's worth,
16:26stick to your guns.
16:29Bye now.
16:39DOORBELL RINGS
16:49Oh, hello. You're Mr... Mr...
16:52Just call me Chief.
16:54Mr Chief, I've just bought a little something for Carla.
16:57Does Carla like fruit? Do you think she'd like a fruit biscuit?
17:00Or perhaps I could do a hamper. Wine, cheese, biscuits, that sort of thing.
17:03What do you think, fruit or a hamper?
17:05Or maybe even soap?
17:07Soap would be very nice.
17:09Only I need to speak to Carla.
17:11I need to show her how sorry I am about keeping who I was a secret.
17:14I think she already knows.
17:16So she's forgiven me?
17:18No.
17:19But maybe one day she will.
17:22She really thinks so?
17:23Perhaps.
17:24But I think you and I have one or two things to discuss.
17:28My shop, for instance.
17:30Mr Chief, I can only apologise from the very bottom of my heart for any mix-up.
17:34I must admit that originally I did have ideas about your shop, but not any more.
17:39Not now I've met Carla.
17:41Not now I need to build up a bond of trust between us both.
17:44How could I ever be...
17:45How much?
17:47Carla means far, far more to me than any shop. You must understand that.
17:50I need her to forgive me.
17:52Just write down a figure.
17:55Double it.
18:02Why won't you speak to me, Frank?
18:06I'll give you a sandwich, a slice of cake, anything.
18:09Are you alright?
18:12It's Frank.
18:14He won't speak to me.
18:16I don't know what I've done wrong.
18:19You know what I think?
18:21I think the magic's worn off.
18:23Now that you've got real friends, you don't need them anymore.
18:26Listen, Gemma, I've got a confession to make.
18:30I haven't got any real friends.
18:33I use the last wish to make myself clever and witty and confident.
18:38The wish will wear out and I'll be back to where I was.
18:42Laura, Nick, Dan, they don't like me.
18:45Not the real me.
18:47They like some... some... figment of my imagination.
18:52Actually, I've got a confession of my own to make.
18:55I miscounted. Wesley used the last wish on himself.
18:58Whatever you wished afterwards didn't happen by magic, but because you wanted it to.
19:02You really have got friends now.
19:04And just to prove it, Lauren asked me to give you this.
19:06What is it?
19:08It's her phone number.
19:09Why doesn't the witty, clever, confident Jake give her a call?
19:12Well, you know what? I think I just might.
19:18Oh, hi. It's... er... it's... it's the wrong number.
19:39Lauren?
19:40Hi. It's Jake.
19:43I didn't mean to call you before, but Gemma's only just given me your number.
19:46You know what a flake she can be.
19:48Yeah?
19:50Yeah.
19:52Well, if you've got any time, maybe we could hook up?
19:56Sure. Definitely. That sounds great.
19:59See you then. Bye.
20:03Yes!
20:06Jake, you OK?
20:08Oh, yes, Chief. I'm most definitely OK.
20:11In that case, come into the living room. I have an announcement to make.
20:14Gem, you two, living room, now!
20:17Yes! You sold the shop! I can't believe it!
20:21Oh, now Duncan's got exactly what he wanted.
20:23He's drummed you out of business, he's got his shop, and he has humiliated us all.
20:29It seems to me that everybody is scared of me selling my shop, except for me.
20:33I don't want to work in a shop all my life.
20:36I want to be free and to have fun.
20:40And he just bought my shop for twice what it is worth.
20:45And do you know why?
20:48Because he's in love with you.
20:52My mother used to say in the old country,
20:55never mix love and business.
20:57About this, she was wrong!
21:00He loves me?
21:02Yes! He loves you.
21:05He loves me?
21:08Ahoy! Come, you two, you must dance also!
21:21I think this could be a whole new beginning for us, Jake, for all of us.
21:25Carla, I know it can't have been easy for you,
21:29having me landing on your doorstep like that.
21:31I just want to say you've been great. Thanks for everything.
21:35My dad says we can make alternative arrangements.
21:38Is that what you want?
21:40Well, there's not much room, and Gemma wants her office back.
21:43Actually, having my computer in my bedroom is much more convenient.
21:46I didn't like moving from room to room much anyway.
21:49Oh dear, what are we going to do with that big old spare room then?
21:52It's a tough one.
21:54We need a lodger.
21:56A member of family would be best.
21:58How about a cousin of yours?
22:00It'd have to be a nice one.
22:02All right, all right, I get it. I'd love to stay.
22:05Thanks. Thanks a lot.
22:07That's settled then.
22:09Cheers.
22:22Carla, no, it wasn't my idea. It was Chief's.
22:25He said you wouldn't mind. He said it'd be all right.
22:27He said one day you might forgive me. He said he didn't want the shop any more.
22:30He said...
22:32Chief says a lot of things. Shut up and drink that.
22:38So, do you forgive me?
22:41I might, one day.
22:45In the meantime, let's dance.
22:49Yes, let's dance.
23:01So what are we going to do about the Queen's nose?
23:03It's time to send it back.
23:05I suppose so.
23:30I suppose so.
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