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FunTranscript
00:00Oh, hi.
00:01Hi.
00:02Hi.
00:03Hi.
00:04Hi.
00:05Hi.
00:06Hi.
00:07Hi.
00:08Hi.
00:09We don't mean to interrupt.
00:10We live across the hall.
00:11Oh, that's nice.
00:12Oh, no.
00:13We don't live together.
00:14I mean, we live together, but in separate heterosexual bedrooms.
00:15Oh, okay.
00:16Well, guess I'm your new neighbor.
00:17Penny.
00:18Leonard.
00:19Sheldon.
00:20Hi.
00:21Hi.
00:22Hi.
00:23Hi.
00:24Hi.
00:25Hi.
00:26Hi.
00:27Hi.
00:28Hi.
00:29Hi.
00:30Hi.
00:31Hi.
00:32Hi.
00:33Hi.
00:34Hi.
00:35Hi.
00:36Hi.
00:37Well, welcome to the building.
00:39Maybe we can have coffee sometime.
00:40Oh, great.
00:41Great.
00:42Great.
00:43Great.
00:44Well, bye.
00:45Bye.
00:46Bye.
00:47Bye.
00:48How do I look?
00:55Could you be more specific?
00:57Can you tell I'm perspiring a little?
01:01No, the dark crescent-shaped patterns under your arms conceal it nicely.
01:08I'm a perfectly nice guy.
01:10There's no reason we couldn't go to the restaurant and have a lovely dinner.
01:14Maybe take a walk afterwards.
01:16Talk about things we have in common.
01:18You love pottery?
01:20I love pottery!
01:22There's a pause. We both know what's happening.
01:24I lean in. We kiss. It's a little tentative at first, but then I realize,
01:27she's kissing me back. She's biting my lower lip.
01:30She wants me. This thing is going the distance.
01:32We're gonna have sex. Oh, God. Oh, my God!
01:36If I don't show up, she'll still be expecting you.
01:39Why would she be expecting me?
01:42Stop asking me all these questions. I need to take another shower.
01:45Were the rest of the guys meeting this year?
01:47Oh, yeah. No.
01:50Well, it turns out that Raj and Howard had to work,
01:52and Sheldon had a colonoscopy,
01:55and he hasn't quite bounced back yet.
01:59My uncle just had a colonoscopy.
02:01You're kidding. Well, then that's something we have in common.
02:06How?
02:07We both have people in our lives who want to nip
02:11intestinal polyps in the butt.
02:20So, what's new in the world of physics?
02:23Nothing.
02:26Really? Nothing?
02:27Well, with the exception of string theory,
02:30not much has happened since the 1930s,
02:33and you can't prove string theory.
02:35At best, you can say,
02:36hey, look, my idea has an internal logical consistency.
02:44Hey, do you want to see something cool?
02:47I can make this olive go into this glass without touching it.
02:52How?
02:53Physics.
03:00Wow. Centrifugal force.
03:02Actually, it's centripetal force,
03:04which is an inward force generated by the glass acting on the olive.
03:10Excuse me.
03:11Now, if you were biting on the olive,
03:14you'd be in a non-inertial reference frame and would...
03:19Are you okay?
03:20Yeah, I'm okay.
03:23Did you spill ketchup?
03:25No.
03:26I'm not okay.
03:28I had a nice time.
03:29Yeah, me too.
03:32Well, um, goodnight.
03:34Goodnight.
03:36Leonard.
03:37Yeah.
03:39Was this supposed to be a date?
03:42This?
03:44No.
03:47No, of course not.
03:49This was just you and me hanging out with a bunch of guys
03:52who didn't show up because of work and a colonoscopy.
03:57Okay, I was just checking.
04:00When I take a girl on a date,
04:02and I do,
04:05she knows she's been dated.
04:09Capital D.
04:11Bold face, underlined.
04:13Like, dated.
04:17I think I might have a little concussion.
04:19I'm gonna go lay down for a while. Goodnight.
04:25So, how was your date?
04:27Awesome.
04:32Score one for liquor and poor judgment.
04:36Come on, guys, push.
04:37If I push any harder,
04:39I'm gonna give birth to my colon.
04:43Oh, hey, guys.
04:44Uh, hi, Penny.
04:48Take a break, guys.
04:51What are you doing?
04:52Oh, you know, just moving a time machine.
04:56Yeah, okay, neat.
04:57But I really gotta get to work, so...
04:59No problem.
05:01Hang on.
05:04But what about your time machine?
05:06Some things are more important than toys.
05:16Oh, I'm scared.
05:18Don't worry, baby, I've got you.
05:21Oh, Leonard.
05:23It's still my turn.
05:26It's my turn?
05:31Yeah.
05:34It's all good.
05:35It's all good.
05:37It's still my turn.
05:43You have a pretty good sense of humor.
05:45This is how you do things.
05:47Not the way I do it.
05:49But it's not me.
05:50I'm back.
05:54I'm sorry I yelled at you.
05:56It's not your fault.
05:58What happened?
05:59Well, I went over to Mike's to make up with him.
06:02Yeah, no, I know that part.
06:05But he had already moved on.
06:07Already? That was quick.
06:09That's what I said to the woman who had her legs wrapped around his neck.
06:16Oh, Penny, I am so sorry.
06:18How could he do that?
06:21Well, you know, you did throw an 80 gig iPod.
06:24Yeah, no, how could he do that?
06:27I swear to God, I am done with guys like that.
06:30You know, macho with the perfect body and the hair and the money.
06:34Yeah, that must get old quick.
06:37You know, just once, I would like to go out with someone who is nice and honest and who actually cares about me.
06:47What about me?
06:49What about you what?
06:53What about if you went out with me?
06:58Are you asking me out?
07:01Um, yes, I am asking you out.
07:06Wow.
07:09I was just going off your comment about the nice guy.
07:12No, I know, I got that.
07:13And honest.
07:14Yeah, totally.
07:15It's no big deal.
07:16Yes.
07:18Yes, what?
07:20Yes, I will go out with you.
07:26Really?
07:29Yeah.
07:30Why not?
07:31I mean, what do I have to lose?
07:34Yeah.
07:37That's the spirit.
07:47Hi.
07:48Hi.
07:50Come on in.
07:54You look very nice.
07:56So do you.
08:01I made an eight o'clock reservation.
08:03Okay, yeah, great.
08:04Listen, um, maybe we should talk first.
08:13So you see, what you're eating is not technically yogurt because it doesn't have enough live acidophilus cultures.
08:18It's really just ice milk with carrageenan added for thickness.
08:22Oh, that's very interesting.
08:24It's also not pink and has no berries.
08:28Yeah, but it doesn't really answer my question.
08:30What was your question again?
08:32Do you want some?
08:35Right, no.
08:36I'm lactose intolerant.
08:37Right.
08:38So gas.
08:39Yeah, got it.
08:41Well, good night.
08:58What are you doing?
08:59There's a draft.
09:01I don't feel a draft.
09:04Why don't we just go into your...
09:07Oh, yeah.
09:08You know, but maybe we should slow things down a little.
09:10No, no, I didn't mean to go into your apartment to go fast.
09:13No, I know.
09:15I know what you meant.
09:16It's just, this is only our first date.
09:18Yeah, okay, sure, no problem.
09:19Why don't we just figure out where we're going and when we want to get there
09:24and then rate of speed equals distance over time.
09:30Solve for R.
09:33Or we could just wing it.
09:35That might work, too.
09:38Good night, Leonard.
09:39Good night.
09:45He's coming.
09:46Screen saver.
09:52Oh, hey, Leonard, how was your date?
09:56Bite me.
09:58Oh, hey, Leonard.
09:59Hello.
10:00Leslie.
10:01Hi.
10:06Okay, well, good night.
10:11Okay, well, good night.
10:15I ain't going to make your point.
10:29Okay, okay, that's enough.
10:33Call me.
10:36Right.
10:39Okay, good night.
10:41What?
10:42Have a great time, ciao.
10:44Hey, Leonard.
10:45Hey.
10:46Sheldon says you're going to the North Pole.
10:47Oh, yeah, pretty cool, huh?
10:49Yeah, just a little surprised you didn't tell me.
10:52Oh, well, it all happened kind of fast
10:54and we had to get physicals and buy thermal underwear
10:57and study up on, you know, snow and stuff.
11:01Sorry, I was going to tell you.
11:03Oh, hey, no, you don't have to apologize.
11:05There's no reason you have to tell me.
11:06I was just, you know, surprised.
11:08Hey, Leonard, can I talk to you for a sec?
11:10Sure.
11:11Let's go out here where there's a little less yelling and guilt.
11:16What's up?
11:17Well, I got you a little going-away present.
11:19Oh, a blanket.
11:21Oh, no, no, no, not just a blanket.
11:23See, it has sleeves.
11:27Yeah.
11:32So you can, you know, be all snoodled up
11:34while you do your science stuff.
11:36Oh, wow, cool.
11:40I'm going to miss you.
11:50See you later.
11:51Bye.
12:01Oh, Leonard, what time is it?
12:03It's 7 a.m. I'm sorry it's early, but we're leaving soon
12:05and I needed to talk to you.
12:07Okay.
12:09What did you mean when you said you were going to miss me?
12:13Um, I don't know.
12:15You'll be gone and I'll notice.
12:20Okay, well, um, what about this?
12:22What does this mean?
12:25Wine, credit card, and late-night television
12:27are a bad combination.
12:31All right, fine.
12:32What about that really long hug?
12:34What did that mean?
12:36That wasn't a long hug.
12:38It was at least five Mississippis.
12:43Standard hug is two Mississippis, tops.
12:49Leonard, I don't know what to tell you.
12:50It was just a hug.
12:53Glad we cleared that up.
12:54Yeah.
12:55I guess I'll see you.
12:56Okay.
12:57Have a safe trip.
13:00Bye.
13:01Okay, bye.
13:07That means I wish you weren't going.
13:11I'm gonna go let Penny know we're back.
13:13Mother, I have to go.
13:14Love you.
13:15Bye.
13:18Hello, old friend.
13:28Daddy's home.
13:32Leonard, you're back.
13:34Yeah, I just stopped by to say...
13:41Yeah, so hi.
13:42Hi.
13:52Dammit, I should have gone over and told her we were back.
14:00Yeah, it was first come, first served.
14:05Hi.
14:06Hey, listen, since we got, you know, interrupted last night,
14:08I didn't have a chance to give you this.
14:10Oh, Leonard, you shouldn't have.
14:15Oh, boy.
14:18What is it?
14:20It's a snowflake from the North Pole.
14:24Are you serious?
14:26It'll last forever.
14:27It'll last forever.
14:28I preserved it in a 1% solution of polyvinyl acetyl resin.
14:36Oh, my God, that's the most romantic thing anyone's ever said to me
14:39that I didn't understand.
14:42It's actually a pretty simple process.
14:44You see, cyanoacrylates are monomers which polymerize on...
14:51Red alert, Leonard.
14:52Sheldon ran away.
14:53Man, I cannot catch a break.
14:56How do you know he ran away?
14:57Well, he's not answering his phone.
14:59He handed in his resignation at the university,
15:01and he sent me a text that said, I'm running away.
15:05Okay, well, thanks for letting me know.
15:07Leonard, aren't you going to do something?
15:09Of course I'm going to do something.
15:12Howard, you check the comic book store.
15:14Raj, go to the Thai restaurant.
15:16I'll stay here with Penny in her apartment.
15:20Oh, dammit.
15:22It's Sheldon's mother.
15:24I cannot be caught.
15:26Hi, Mrs. Cooper.
15:28He is.
15:30Sheldon went home to Texas.
15:32Yeah, no, I know he resigned.
15:35Yes, I guess it kind of is our fault.
15:39No, no, no, you're right.
15:41Someone needs to come talk to him.
15:42Don't worry, I'll take care of it.
15:44Yeah.
15:45All right.
15:47New plan.
15:48Howard, you and Raj go to Texas.
15:50I'll stay here with Penny in her apartment.
15:53You're not going to go with him?
15:54Well, you know, I gave you the snowflake and we were kissing.
15:58Come on, I don't want to go to Texas.
16:01Oh, right, and I do.
16:02My people already crossed the desert once.
16:04We're done.
16:09Trust me, you'll be fine.
16:10See ya.
16:11Wait a second, Leonard.
16:12Come on, how can you not go?
16:14He's your best friend.
16:15I already saw him naked.
16:16Just come here.
16:17No.
16:19I promise I will be here when you get back.
16:21Just go help Sheldon.
16:23Really?
16:24Yeah.
16:25We waited a few months, we can wait a few more days.
16:32Maybe you can.
16:36Go.
16:39Boy, you cannot catch a break, can you?
16:45How about that?
16:46I finally caught a break.
16:49Uh-huh.
16:54You know how they say when friends have sex it can get weird?
16:58Sure.
17:00Why does it have to get weird?
17:03I don't know.
17:05I mean, we were friends and now we're more than friends.
17:10We're whatever this is.
17:12But why label it, right?
17:14I mean, it is what it is.
17:17Leonard.
17:18Yeah?
17:19It's weird.
17:20Totally.
17:21We should have done this last night, you know?
17:23Have a little wine, take the edge off.
17:25Actually, ethyl alcohol inhibits electrical conduction in the nerve cells
17:29and stimulates reuptake receptors of inhibitory neurotransmitters
17:32like gamma-aminobutyric acid.
17:39Don't talk, just drink.
17:44Mmm.
17:50What are we drinking now?
17:52Peppermint schnapps.
17:56Why would you buy peppermint schnapps?
17:58Because I like peppermint and it's fun to say schnapps.
18:06Hey, Leonard.
18:07What?
18:08Schnapps.
18:11Schnapps.
18:13You're right.
18:14He's fun.
18:15Oh, hey.
18:16Hey, what did Sheldon say to you?
18:18Not a lot.
18:19Just that we always have the option of going back to being friends.
18:23Is that what you want?
18:25I don't know.
18:26I mean, you have to admit, things seemed simpler when we were just friends.
18:31I guess.
18:33It would take the pressure off.
18:34It would, wouldn't it?
18:37So, we'll just be friends.
18:40Good.
18:41Good.
18:43Come here.
18:57Okie dokie.
18:59Want to get a little crazy?
19:01What are you thinking?
19:03Let's slide over to Sheldon's spot and make out.
19:09You are a dirty girl.
19:14Oh, God.
19:15How did he know?
19:17Hello.
19:19Hi, Howard.
19:20Am I interrupting?
19:22A little bit, yeah.
19:24Guess I should have called.
19:25Yeah, maybe.
19:35Every night I usually go line dancing with Raj at the Palomino.
19:40Uh-huh.
19:42I bet he's working with Sheldon.
19:44Yes, we know.
19:46Want me to leave?
19:48You know, whatever.
19:50Okay, I guess I can hang for a little while.
19:56Having a little trouble catching your breath there?
20:00No, no, I'm good.
20:02If my P.E. teachers had told me this is what I was training for, I would have tried a lot harder.
20:09Do or do not, there is no try.
20:15Did you just quote Star Wars?
20:18I believe I quoted Empire Strikes Back.
20:24Oh, my God.
20:26I am lying in bed with a beautiful woman who can quote Yoda.
20:36I love you, Penny.
20:52You're welcome.
20:55I just want to put that out there.
20:56Oh, yeah, no.
20:58I'm glad.
20:59Good.
21:00Glad is good.
21:01Yeah.
21:04No, no.
21:08So, it's getting pretty late.
21:11We should probably go to sleep.
21:12Yeah.
21:13Okay.
21:14Probably.
21:15Okay.
21:16Good night, sweetie.
21:17Mwah.
21:23It's 10 o'clock.
21:24Where have you been?
21:25We stayed for the California Adventure Water Show.
21:28It was pure Disney magic.
21:31I was going to see that with him.
21:33How was I supposed to know that?
21:34It's all right.
21:35I'll see it again with you.
21:36And I have food here you said you were going to call.
21:39I know, I know.
21:40I can still eat.
21:41No, you already threw up once.
21:43Go put on your PJs and brush your teeth.
21:47Okay, but just don't fight.
21:49We're not fighting.
21:50Just go.
21:54Aren't you going to thank Penny for taking you to Disneyland?
21:56Thank you, Penny.
22:00You're welcome, sweetie.
22:03Want a cup of coffee?
22:04Oh, um, I should probably get going.
22:07Come on, it's just a cup of coffee.
22:10Yeah, okay.
22:18Yeah, the whole thing seems a little twisted to me, too.
22:22What am I smelling?
22:24Sheldon's churro on my shoes.
22:27So while we were going out, how often would you pretend to like things just to have sex with me?
22:32All the time.
22:35You're kidding.
22:37Does this sound familiar?
22:39I would love to go shoe shopping with you.
22:42Hiking?
22:43It's great.
22:45It's 2 a.m.
22:46Of course I want to go to Koreatown and sing karaoke with your friends.
22:49Who wouldn't?
22:51Okay, we were going out.
22:52You were going to get sex anyway.
22:54Really?
22:55You would have slept with me after a three-hour documentary on dams?
23:00No, no woman would.
23:03See, now that's the great thing.
23:05We're out as friends.
23:06This is not a date.
23:07Sex is off the table.
23:08So let's go learn why hydroelectric power might not be the environmental bargain you think it is.
23:16Sorry, spoiler alert.
23:21All right, fine.
23:22Thanks.
23:24Tickets are 11 bucks.
23:30Not a date.
23:32Would you like to try something new for dinner?
23:34Maybe Indian?
23:35Tex-Mex?
23:36Do you ever wonder how humans would be different if they evolved from lizards instead of mammals?
23:43Okay, let's talk about that.
23:47As you know, lizards, cold-blooded animals, lack the ability to sense temperature.
23:52But they do move more sluggishly when it's cold.
23:55So lizard weathermen would say things like,
23:58Bring a sweater.
23:59It's slow outside.
24:04We all do.
24:07Now how about dinner?
24:08Oh, I would assume we'd enjoy insects or smaller lizards.
24:13We could also pull each other's tails off and grill them.
24:15They'll just grow back.
24:19Oh, my life-size cardboard Mr. Spock is here.
24:25I know he wouldn't care for an outburst of human emotion, but oh goody, oh goody, oh goody.
24:33Commander Spock requesting permission to be unfolded.
24:38Excuse me.
24:39Permission granted, Commander.
24:43Which is why the more intelligent the monkey, the more feces they fling.
24:50Excuse me, Amy.
24:52Penny, do you have plans for dinner tonight?
24:53Why, are you guys going somewhere?
24:54No, I mean just you and me.
24:57You mean like a date?
24:59Not like a date, a date.
25:01Ooh.
25:06Um, okay, sure.
25:10Ooh.
25:14Oh, no, they sent the wrong Spock.
25:20Live long and suck it, Zachary Quinto.
25:27So, do they have a name for a first date with someone you used to go out with?
25:32That's a good question.
25:33How about awkward?
25:37That sounds right.
25:40Hey, how about if we pretend we're actually on a first date?
25:44See how that goes.
25:45Okay.
25:48So, Polly, tell me about yourself.
25:51It's Penny.
25:52Oh, sorry, yeah.
25:53Awkward.
25:57Okay, let's see.
25:58I'm from Nebraska, and ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed of moving to L.A.
26:02and becoming a movie star.
26:04Anyway, after four years of acting lessons and waiting tables, I've done a hemorrhoid commercial
26:10and a production of Anne Frank above a bowling alley.
26:14So, you know, dreams do come true.
26:18Your turn.
26:19Let's see.
26:21I am an experimental physicist at Caltech.
26:24Most of my research is with high-powered lasers.
26:27Oh, I've just gotten a big government grant to see if they can be used to knock out incoming ballistic missiles.
26:32Wow.
26:33Can they?
26:34Oh, God, no.
26:39The money's pretty good.
26:42And I used the equipment to make my own bat signal.
26:47Bat signal?
26:48What are you, some kind of nerd?
26:50Not some kind of nerd.
26:51I am the king of nerds.
26:57What does that mean?
26:58Uh, it means if anyone displeases me, I don't help them set up their printer.
27:05You are so funny.
27:07Good.
27:08Remember that when I take my shirt off.
27:13Leonard, this is nice.
27:14I'm so glad we did this.
27:16Me, too.
27:19So, what do you think?
27:20Are we gonna get back together?
27:22Whoa, not so fast.
27:24I'm sorry, what did I say?
27:26Leonard, you know I will always have feelings for you.
27:29Oh, God.
27:30What?
27:31You said always.
27:32You'll always have feelings for me.
27:34So?
27:35So, that sounds more like something you'd say if you didn't want a relationship with someone.
27:40This isn't working out, but I'll always have feelings for you.
27:43I'm sorry I slept with your best friend, but I'll always have feelings for you.
27:48Here's the thing, Lisa.
27:49I'm into dudes now, but I'll always have feelings for you.
27:53How would you say it?
27:54I have feelings for you.
27:56It's the same thing.
27:57No, it's not.
27:58Always made it worse.
27:59You're overthinking this.
28:00No, I'm not.
28:01Yes, you are.
28:02You always overthink things.
28:03There you go.
28:04Always made it worse.
28:06See, this is where everything goes wrong.
28:08When we talk.
28:10Look, I don't know how you have a relationship without talking.
28:14Hey, I went out with this guy, TJ, for eight months.
28:16We never talked.
28:17I don't know what TJ stands for.
28:20Wait, if you guys didn't talk, well, you'd never mind.
28:22Stupid question.
28:25To wine and bubble wrap.
28:29And to not having to watch Sheldon demonstrate his reverse osmosis machine that converts urine into drinking water.
28:37You know, in Girl Scouts, Tammy Dinesha said you could do that with pantyhose.
28:42Boy, was she wrong.
28:46Anyway, you want to make out?
28:49I thought because our relationship's in a beta test, you wanted to take things slow.
28:53Okay.
28:54Do you want to make out slow?
28:58I can go so slow, it'll be like there's a snail in your mouth.
29:04Oh.
29:07Well, lucky for you, there's nothing else to do right now.
29:12Sorry, I did.
29:13I crossed a line.
29:14I didn't mean to.
29:15Who says something like that right in the middle of sex?
29:17I don't know.
29:18It just came out.
29:19People say weird things during sex all the time.
29:21Okay, well, they sure as hell don't say that.
29:23Well, it's the heat of the moment.
29:25No, the heat of the moment is, oh, yeah, just like that.
29:28Not, will you marry me?
29:32I'm sorry.
29:33Just give me another chance.
29:34Why?
29:35So you can crawl under the covers and go, hey, baby, want to go look for houses and neighborhoods with good schools?
29:41Again, I'm sorry.
29:44You know, with Howard and Bernadette getting married, I got caught up in a little wedding fever.
29:48I take it back.
29:49You can't take something like that back.
29:51I mean, what are we even supposed to do now?
29:53Okay, at some point, we'll look back and this is going to be a funny story.
29:59Why don't we just start doing that now?
30:02You're kidding.
30:03No.
30:05Do you remember that time when I proposed to you in bed?
30:13And you were all like, what are you doing?
30:18That was so funny.
30:21So funny.
30:24It's not funny.
30:26Give it a minute.
30:30Is that a little smile I see there?
30:33I should go.
30:39Hey.
30:40Hey.
30:41Off to work?
30:42Yeah.
30:43Have a nice night.
30:45Okay, you too.
30:47Penny, just wait.
30:50I've been thinking about what I said when we were in bed the other night.
30:53Yeah, I've been thinking about it too.
30:55I noticed you never answered me.
30:59Okay.
31:06No.
31:10Follow-up, are we still dating?
31:11Yep.
31:13Is it still weird because I proposed?
31:14Yeah.
31:16I have a couple more quick questions.
31:18Do you want to call me from the car?
31:19No.
31:23That played that pretty well.
31:26Here we are.
31:27Yep.
31:30Really going to miss you.
31:31I'm going to miss you too.
31:33Penny, we're in the red zone.
31:36The white zone is for loading and unloading.
31:39We're breaking the law.
31:42There's no space in the white zone, so.
31:44Anyway, we can e-mail and I think the phone connections are pretty good.
31:49All right, you have to get out of the car right now.
31:50I'm not going to jail for you.
31:52Just relax.
31:53Oh, I see a space in the white zone.
31:55Circle the airport.
31:58Did you bring enough inhalers?
31:59Yeah.
32:00And extra Dramamine?
32:01You remember what happened on It's a Small World?
32:05No, I'm covered.
32:06Okay.
32:07Oh, dear Lord, a police officer is glancing in our direction.
32:10We've been made.
32:13Calm down, I'm getting out.
32:16I have something I want to give you.
32:18Leonard.
32:19All right, it's just a heart-shaped lock with a picture of Leonard's face in it.
32:21You got them all on clearance.
32:22I love you, boo.
32:26I love you.
32:28I love you, too.
32:33Don't worry, officer, they just love each other.
32:35We're not smuggling frogs.
32:41It's really sweet what Howard wants to do for Bernadette.
32:43Yeah.
32:44Hey, how come you've never done anything romantic to celebrate our first date?
32:48Oh, for starters, you've broken up with me so many times.
32:51What first date are we talking about?
32:54Oh, somebody call the Bern ward.
32:58And back to the zone.
33:02Besides, I do romantic things for you all the time.
33:05Can you even name one romantic thing you've done for me?
33:07I can name tons.
33:08Sex doesn't count.
33:09Oh.
33:11What about that bed and breakfast?
33:13Well, I took you there, all you did was...
33:15I know what I did.
33:18I thought they had to throw out that rocking chair.
33:23You know, I can be romantic if I want to.
33:25It's fine.
33:26And also not true.
33:29Okay, just you wait and see.
33:31I'm going to romance your freaking ass off.
33:35That's beautiful.
33:36Is that Shakespeare?
33:38Sheldon?
33:39Zone.
33:42He'll figure it out when he falls off the roof.
33:45I feel like everything is falling apart.
33:48Come on, it's okay.
33:49No, it's not okay.
33:50Look at me, okay?
33:51I took a temp job as a waitress forever ago and I'm still doing it.
33:55I can't quit because guess what?
33:56I can't do anything else and I finally get my big break and it goes away.
34:01Such a mess.
34:02No, you're not.
34:03Really?
34:04Because this morning at Starbucks, a pair of old underwear fell out of my pant leg.
34:11I wasn't the only one in there.
34:15Okay, listen to me.
34:16This is just a minor setback.
34:18No, it's not, okay?
34:19I've been out here for like ten years.
34:21I have nothing to show for it.
34:23Well, you have me.
34:26You're right.
34:29I do have you.
34:34Let's get married.
34:38What?
34:45Leonard Hofstadter, will you marry me?
34:50Um.
34:54Did you seriously just say, um?
34:59You know, I love you, but you're drunk and sad and feeling lost.
35:05Okay, so you don't want to marry me?
35:07That is not what I said.
35:08No, forget it.
35:09I take it back.
35:10Offer's off the table.
35:11Who's in the mood to laugh?
35:16So, what did you think of your first funeral?
35:19Oh, I don't want to be a jerk, but it was kind of a bummer.
35:24Yeah, well, when I die, you can rent a bounce house.
35:29Think about dying?
35:31No, I think more about if I have any regrets.
35:34What would you regret?
35:36You know, that I didn't travel more, take more risks, learn another language.
35:42You know Klingon.
35:45That's true.
35:46No, I meant that as a regret.
35:53Just thought of one more.
35:54What's that?
35:56I regret not saying yes when you asked me to marry you.
36:00Well, it just wasn't the right time.
36:03Yeah.
36:05It's also not the right time.
36:06Do not propose.
36:09What?
36:10I know that face.
36:11That's your propose face.
36:12Look, I was not going to propose.
36:14It's already two to one.
36:15What's two to one?
36:16I proposed twice.
36:17You proposed once.
36:18Two to one.
36:19Oh, my.
36:20It's not a contest.
36:21I don't know what you're upset about.
36:22I'm the one who's losing.
36:23Okay.
36:24Fine.
36:25Would you feel better if I proposed so you could turn me down again?
36:27Yeah, I think I would.
36:28Okay.
36:29Leonard, will you marry me?
36:31Hmm.
36:33No, don't you dare.
36:34Don't you dare.
36:35You reject me right now and tie things up.
36:39It's just such a big decision.
36:41I don't want to have any regrets.
36:44You know I want to marry you, but you're only doing this because you got fired and you're
36:48feeling sorry for yourself.
36:49Okay.
36:50It may look that way, but getting fired from that movie was the best thing that could have
36:53happened to me, okay?
36:54I finally realized I don't need to be famous or have some big career to be happy.
36:58Then what do you need?
36:59You, you stupid Pop-Tart!
37:07Oh.
37:10Then I guess I'm in.
37:14Really?
37:15You guess you're in?
37:17No, I guess I'm in.
37:19I guess I'm in!
37:23Okay.
37:24Cool.
37:30So is that it?
37:31Are we engaged?
37:33Yeah, I think so.
37:37Alright.
37:41What's wrong?
37:43I'm not sure.
37:44It just feels a little anticlimactic.
37:49Yeah, it kind of does, huh?
37:52Oh, I know.
37:56This might help.
38:00Oh.
38:02Where did you get a ring?
38:04I had it for a couple years.
38:07Not important.
38:13Penny, will you marry me?
38:17Oh my God, yes!
38:23This would have been so much more romantic if you didn't have monkey hair on your fingers.
38:30Oh, it's beautiful!
38:33Oh, the girls really did a nice job.
38:36Oh, I know I wasn't into this before, but I'm so glad I get to take you to your first prom.
38:41What makes you think I didn't go to my prom? I went.
38:44Well, who'd you go with?
38:45I took a little lady I like to call Loneliness.
38:50Aw.
38:51It's alright. We ended up having a threesome with her friend Humiliation.
38:55Well, if I would have been there and saw you alone, I would have asked you to dance.
38:58No, you wouldn't have.
38:59Well, you don't know that.
39:00It was before my growth spurt.
39:02What? That already happened?
39:03Uh.
39:06Very funny.
39:07Well, you wouldn't have asked me either.
39:08I would have asked you.
39:11In my head.
39:14On the way home.
39:16While I was having a good cry.
39:18While I was having a good cry.
39:22Further, have either of you prepared your own vows?
39:25Yes.
39:26No.
39:28You wrote vows?
39:29Yeah.
39:31I don't have any. You're kind of making me look bad.
39:35It's okay. I don't have to say them.
39:37No, no. Go ahead. I'll come up with something mushy. You'll cry. We got this.
39:41Penny.
39:42We are made of particles that have existed since the moment the universe began.
39:47I like to think those atoms traveled 14 billion years through time and space to create us,
39:52so that we could be together and make each other whole.
39:57Wow.
40:00Penny?
40:02Right. Um.
40:04Okay.
40:08Leonard.
40:09Leonard, I...
40:11You're not only the love of my life, but you're my best friend.
40:14And...
40:17You've got a friend in me.
40:23You got troubles.
40:25I got them, too.
40:28There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you.
40:32We stick together and we can see it through,
40:35because you've got a friend in me.
40:40Is that the song from Toy Story?
40:42He loves that movie.
40:43I do.
40:46Never have I ever kept a secret bank account because I think my wife can't handle money.
41:01Okay. You have every right to be mad.
41:03And what you said is true. You do make more money than me.
41:05So I had no right to do what I did, and I'm so sorry. I hope you can forgive me.
41:10How long have you had this secret account?
41:12A couple years, but I just put a few bucks aside every month for emergencies.
41:17Well, how much you got in there?
41:18$6,427.
41:21$47 once my Nana's birthday check gets here.
41:25My God, Leonard, do you know what I could do with that kind of money?
41:28I do, and that's why I hid it.
41:32What good is it if you don't use it?
41:34You have shoes you love, but never wear.
41:37I have money I love, but never spend. We're kind of a cute couple that way.
41:41Kind of promised your mom we'd have another wedding ceremony so she could attend this time.
41:47Wait, we're going to get married again?
41:49Yeah, kind of. And now we can invite our friends and family.
41:52Seems like a lot of trouble for a hug.
41:55Come on, it'll be fun. And you know, your mom was genuinely hurt we didn't invite her to the first one.
41:59Well, in our defense, it was kind of a spur of the moment thing.
42:02Kind of a spur of the moment thing. And also, we don't like her.
42:07Leonard, come on, she's your mom. If we can do something to make her happy, why wouldn't we?
42:10I just said why. We don't like her.
42:13Okay, look, forget about her. Let's do it for us.
42:15We keep it small and informal. This time we can invite our families.
42:18Is your brother out of prison?
42:20Thanks to overcrowding, yeah.
42:23I'd love it if my dad could come.
42:25Oh, you have to invite him. I haven't seen him since the divorce.
42:28He's like a different man. He stopped twitching and I think he grew an inch and a half.
42:34Well, then it's settled.
42:38So funny. I never thought my second marriage would be to you.
42:43It's still my room. We haven't really made it yours.
42:47Which is why I got you this pink Power Ranger.
42:53Put it anywhere you like.
42:55Okay, but you may feel some discomfort.
42:59I'm kidding. I want you to feel at home here.
43:01Decorate it any way that makes you happy.
43:04Do you really mean that?
43:05I really do.
43:06Great. And just so you know, I'm not getting rid of all your stuff.
43:09Yeah? What are you keeping?
43:11That candle and you.
43:16What about my robot poster?
43:17I can make do with just the candle.
43:22Okay, open your eyes and see your new room.
43:29Oh.
43:34I know. I went a little overboard. We can always dial it back.
43:36No, no, no. It's important to me that you have the bedroom you want.
43:40Oh, that means so much. I love you.
43:42I love you, too.
43:47Just hiding some stuff in your closet. Don't tell Penny.
43:51I'm trying to take an interest in other people. How was your girls' night?
43:55Oh, it was fine.
43:56It was fine.
43:57Did you have anything to eat?
43:59Uh, chips.
44:01Anything to drink?
44:03Some wine.
44:05Boy, I'm just playing tennis against the drapes here.
44:09Just ignore him.
44:10At least he took an interest.
44:13What's that supposed to mean?
44:14Nothing.
44:15Hey, what's going on with you?
44:17I don't want to talk about it.
44:18Oh, come on. Just tell me.
44:21Fine.
44:23Lately, I kind of feel like you've been taking me for granted.
44:26What? Where is this coming from?
44:28Leonard, she might be drunk. All she had was chips.
44:33It's just since we got married, you seem to think you don't have to try anymore.
44:37That is ridiculous.
44:38This is exactly why I didn't want to talk about it.
44:40No, no, no, no. Let's talk about it.
44:42I'm the one who's made all the effort in this relationship since day one.
44:45Please tell me what more I could do.
44:47Okay, you know what? Maybe I'll take Amy with me to the spa this weekend instead.
44:52Fine. Go ahead.
44:58Amy is free.
45:01Oh, good. You're here. Are you still fighting?
45:03If you get divorced, do I get two Christmases?
45:06We're not getting divorced.
45:08Listen, we realized that we're facing some new challenges as a married couple.
45:14Yeah, and there are a few things we need to stay on top of.
45:16So we thought it would be useful.
45:19I can't believe I am about to say this.
45:22Would you please help us make a relationship agreement?
45:28But one that's tailored to us, okay? We don't need a bathroom schedule.
45:32Although a rule about him texting me from in there might help with the romance.
45:39What do you say?
45:40I get to write a contract?
45:42I say let's get this party of the first part started.
45:47Woo!
45:51You really think that's funny?
45:52It's in our agreement. I have to laugh.
45:55Surprise!
45:57Oh, crap. Is it our anniversary?
46:01No, wait.
46:06No.
46:08Alright, so what are we celebrating?
46:10Well, Bernadette and Howard are pregnant again.
46:12They're pregnant again. Amy and Sheldon are getting married.
46:14I didn't want you to feel left out.
46:17Left out? Bernadette has to grow a baby inside of her and Amy has to marry one.
46:21My life is great!
46:25So do you not want the cake?
46:26Try and take it away. See what happens.
46:32Oh, crap. It is our anniversary.
46:35Happy anniversary!
46:36I made a list of all the cool things we did this year.
46:38Oh, fun. Can I help?
46:40Yes. Can you think of a single cool thing we did this year?
46:45Well, both of our jobs are going great.
46:48Sure. I mean, my Air Force project got taken away and you're not crazy about selling pharmaceuticals.
46:56I'll just write down still employed.
47:00Oh, we had our second anniversary.
47:02Yeah, but we did kind of forget about it, so maybe just write still married.
47:10Right, okay. Okay, that's a start.
47:15What else?
47:19You know, maybe this is enough.
47:25Let's look at our pictures. That'll jog our memories.
47:29What is that a picture of?
47:30Oh, that's a mole on my back.
47:35Wanted to make sure it wasn't growing.
47:38How'd you get a picture of your own back?
47:40Sheldon took it. We're kind of mole buddies.
47:45Hey, that's a cute picture. Isn't that the day we almost went to the beach?
47:48Memorial Day?
47:49No, that was the day we almost went to the mountains.
47:53That's the great thing about California. You can almost go to the mountains and almost go to the beach in the same day.
47:58Okay, that's my dad. Now remember, do not bring up any baby stuff, right?
48:02Not me not wanting one, not you having one with Zach.
48:04Got it.
48:05And if he brings it up, change the subject to literally anything else.
48:07I got it.
48:08But not the Cornhuskers. Do not discuss the Cornhuskers.
48:12Is that a sports team?
48:14Never mind, you're good.
48:17Daddy!
48:18Slugger!
48:21Hey, Wyatt.
48:22Leonard.
48:23Hey.
48:24That's a hell of a handshake.
48:25Oh, well, I've been taking vitamins.
48:29Dad, come on in. Sit down. Can I get you something to drink? Maybe a beer?
48:33Sure, if you're having one.
48:34Why wouldn't you? Since you're not pregnant.
48:39Um, Leonard wants to have a baby with my ex-boyfriend, Zach.
48:50How about those Cornhuskers?
48:56That's the fourth time she's been to the bathroom in the last two hours.
49:00So?
49:02Her breakfast was binding. I made sure of that.
49:06So?
49:07So she clearly has some sort of stomach distress.
49:09If it's viral, we're all susceptible.
49:12She's probably just airsick.
49:14What if she's not? What if we get what she has?
49:16What if we infect the King of Sweden?
49:18That's how wars start.
49:26Alright, that's it. This is outbreak and she's the monkey.
49:29Wait. Stop. Be reasonable.
49:33Leonard, we need to do something about your wife.
49:36What's the matter?
49:37She's clearly sick and she's going to take us all down with her.
49:39She's not sick, Sheldon.
49:41She is and I'm going to catch it and it's going to ruin the greatest day of my life.
49:44I promise you're not going to get what she has.
49:47What's going on?
49:48I'm clean! I'm clean!
49:50What?
49:51He thinks you're sick.
49:53Oh.
49:55Should we tell him?
49:56If we don't, he might try and jump out of the plane.
49:58Doesn't answer my question.
50:01Tell me what?
50:04I'm pregnant, Sheldon.
50:06You're right. I can't catch that.
50:13Good news, Amy.
50:15She's just pregnant.
50:17I was there the moment Leonard and Penny met.
50:20He said to me that their babies would be smart and beautiful.
50:23And now that they're expecting, I have no doubt that that will be the case.
50:27Thanks, Sheldon. I haven't told my parents yet, but thanks.
50:32Oh.
50:33I'm sorry.
50:35Don't tell anyone that last thing. That's a secret.