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AmusantTranscription
00:00 (upbeat music)
00:02 (upbeat music)
00:05 (upbeat music)
00:10 (upbeat music)
00:15 (upbeat music)
00:19 (bell ringing)
00:22 (upbeat music)
00:31 (upbeat music)
00:33 - Yeah, that was good.
00:36 (grunting)
00:43 That's what I like about wrestling.
00:48 There aren't any rules.
00:50 You can do anything to a guy.
00:52 Jump on him, stick him with a pin.
00:54 The only limit is your imagination.
00:58 - Don't they have any girl wrestlers in this game?
01:01 - No, but some of the older ones have some breasts.
01:04 - Connie, that was your mother on the phone.
01:06 She wants to make sure you were doing your homework.
01:09 - Am I in trouble?
01:10 - I don't think so.
01:12 I told her you were busy wrestling with some word problems.
01:16 Oh, Peggy.
01:18 - Thanks, Mrs. Hill.
01:20 I guess I better start my math homework.
01:22 - Oh, that's gotta hurt.
01:24 (upbeat music)
01:29 (upbeat music)
01:32 (phone ringing)
01:45 - Thanks.
01:45 (phone ringing)
01:52 - This is Hill.
01:53 - Dust off your gym skirt, Peggy.
01:55 We need a sub for girl sports.
01:57 - Location?
01:58 - Tom Landry Middle School.
01:59 - Duration?
02:00 - Indefinite.
02:01 - Did the previous instructor leave a lesson plan,
02:04 calendar, notes on a Post-it?
02:06 - Well, that's sort of a funny story, actually.
02:09 See, there is no previous girls coach.
02:11 We sort of forgot to hire one.
02:14 - So where are you stationed today, soldier?
02:19 Fortin' mathematics?
02:21 - Today, I'm teaching gym.
02:24 - Whoa, now that's serious, Peggy.
02:26 Gym is where a boy learns teamwork
02:29 and the importance of winning.
02:30 - Actually, I'm teaching girls gym.
02:33 - Oh, well, good luck to you.
02:36 Do I have a clean shirt?
02:37 Why I choose basketball, well,
02:43 for one thing, it's the only sport
02:45 where you get to bounce a ball.
02:48 You bounce a football, well, that's a fumble, isn't it?
02:51 Baseball, no bouncing at all.
02:54 Bounce a ball in hockey,
02:56 that's a mandatory drug test right there.
02:59 So join the basketball team.
03:04 Thank you.
03:05 - Cool.
03:16 A little staged, but it's still pretty good.
03:18 - Gentlemen, I'm not going to try to win you over
03:23 with a lot of fancy talk about bouncing.
03:26 I just want you to know one thing.
03:28 Every kid who shows up to wrestle
03:31 will earn a place on the team
03:33 and the right to wear this.
03:35 - Wow, silver piping.
03:38 - Good morning, class.
03:42 I am Mrs. Peggy Hill, or Coach Hill.
03:45 Now, we are offering you girls a special program
03:48 which combines the thrills of wrestling
03:51 with the skills of basketball
03:53 in something we call general sports.
03:56 - All right, listen up.
04:03 - Go on.
04:05 - I want to start by showing you a basic move
04:09 and I need a volunteer.
04:11 You there, just come at me.
04:15 That's called a center step single leg attack.
04:21 Now, what are you going to do, huh?
04:22 Now what, big man?
04:24 You're going to dump me, huh?
04:26 You're going to pin me?
04:27 This will teach you to pull a knife on me.
04:30 Hard to stop a guy when you're hopping around all day,
04:32 huh, Hoppy?
04:33 - What?
04:34 - All right, good job.
04:35 - I hear Eddie Tucker started patching his driveway.
04:50 - Yep.
04:51 - Where'd he get his asphalt?
04:54 - Johnson's.
04:55 (coughing)
04:58 - Dad, dad, guess what?
05:01 I joined a team.
05:02 - A sports team?
05:03 - Uh-huh, wrestling.
05:05 It's the best sport ever, dad.
05:08 There's no running.
05:09 - Way to go, boy.
05:11 Wrestling's a damn fine sport.
05:13 Hell, it's an Olympic sport.
05:15 And this is offered through the school, right?
05:19 Not some guy in a van with a camcorder.
05:22 - It's the real thing.
05:23 I'm in a very advanced weight class.
05:26 - You hear that, guys?
05:27 Bobby made a school team today
05:29 without me even being the coach.
05:32 - Congratulations, Hank.
05:34 - Woo!
05:35 - What are you here for?
05:40 - Well, Dooley, a preteen girl is like a skinny little tree
05:45 about to enter the hurricane of adolescence.
05:47 And if we don't protect and nurture this little tree,
05:51 before you know it, she'll be bitter and pregnant.
05:54 For that reason, I'm asking the principal
05:56 for new basketball for the girls.
05:59 - I peed in some kid's locker.
06:01 (dramatic music)
06:05 Girls' sports are a joke.
06:10 - Yeah, if I just Jim-Jangle my schedule a bit,
06:14 I think I can make it to all of Bobby's practices.
06:17 What a great time in a boy's father's life.
06:21 - Hank, what if Bobby was a girl?
06:24 - Well, that's just it, Peggy.
06:25 I don't think we have to worry about that anymore.
06:28 - Do you know what that principal said
06:30 when I asked for more basketballs for the girls?
06:33 He said that the money was earmarked
06:35 to put holograms on tickets to the football games.
06:38 - Holograms prevent ticket fraud, Peggy.
06:41 There's a lot of sick people out there.
06:43 - Well, it's just not fair.
06:44 It's like nothing has changed since I was a kid.
06:47 (students chattering)
06:50 - Can you run as well as you can hit?
07:05 - Yes, sir, I sure can.
07:06 - Then run over to the store then
07:08 and get these boys some sodie pop.
07:10 Atta girl.
07:11 (students chattering)
07:13 - Yeah, boys love soda pop.
07:17 We gotta remember to bring some to Bobby's practice.
07:20 (boy grunting)
07:23 Looking good, son.
07:25 (boy grunting)
07:26 - You too, dad.
07:28 - Uh, I wanted to give you this before practice.
07:31 You know, you might not be here if it weren't for this cup.
07:37 It's made from the finest American steel
07:40 ever to come out of Pittsburgh, PA.
07:42 This used to be mine,
07:43 and before that, it was your grandfather's.
07:46 - There's holes in it.
07:48 How am I supposed to drink out of this?
07:50 - Bobby, it's not for--
07:53 - Gotcha!
07:54 (laughing)
07:56 - Rhythm, girls.
08:02 First you blow, then you throw.
08:05 (students chattering)
08:08 - Hit 'em high, hit 'em low.
08:14 Landry, Landry, go, go, go.
08:17 (students clapping)
08:18 - Good spirit, Hill.
08:20 - Can I have some Gatorade now?
08:22 - Sure, kid, you're sweating plenty.
08:24 - Hey, Connie, how's it going?
08:30 - Not so good.
08:33 I just found out we're not getting uniforms.
08:36 - You're better off.
08:37 We have home uniforms, away uniforms.
08:41 It's so confusing.
08:43 - Uh-huh.
08:44 Did you learn the pile driver yet?
08:46 - That's not really a wrestling move.
08:48 Real wrestling is about holds.
08:51 You got your head locks, your leg locks, your belly locks.
08:55 If you got it, we'll lock it.
08:58 Here, I'll show you.
09:02 There's no way out.
09:03 Try.
09:05 - You mean like that?
09:06 - No, even use real wrestling.
09:10 If you use wrestling, it's impossible to get out.
09:15 But good try.
09:16 - Hill, Doug here needs some extra room to scrimmage.
09:23 So can you run a posture drill or something?
09:26 Get the girls against the wall?
09:28 - No, I'm afraid I cannot.
09:30 I am teaching general sports here,
09:32 and I need a general area.
09:34 - Uh, yeah.
09:36 General sports was something Doug here came up with.
09:39 It's like home economics,
09:41 sort of a code word for busy work.
09:44 But the one thing general sports was not meant to do,
09:46 and Doug can back me up on this, is take up space.
09:50 - Okay, then.
09:52 I'm expanding my needs.
09:54 General sports is now total sports,
09:57 and I need the whole gym and all the equipment,
09:59 and Doug can back me up on that.
10:02 (gentle music)
10:05 (panting)
10:11 - It's over, Mrs. Hill.
10:14 Maybe sports wasn't such a good idea.
10:18 Maybe I should do yearbook instead, or chess club.
10:21 - Connie, don't you say that.
10:23 Yearbook is a shameful, spoiled waste of time.
10:26 Now, you just tell me what sport you want to play,
10:30 and I will make sure you play it.
10:32 - What if it's not a girls' sport?
10:36 - Oh, poo.
10:37 Honey, there is no such thing as boys' sports
10:39 or girls' sports, they're just sports.
10:41 - Then I wanna wrestle.
10:42 - Well, then, we will show those coaches
10:46 there's nothing a boy can do that a girl can't.
10:49 - Go ahead, punch it!
10:51 (punching)
10:52 (groaning)
10:56 (upbeat music)
10:59 - Look at that, pig in a blanket.
11:03 And my Bobby's the chef, not the weenie.
11:06 - All right, ladies, hit the showers.
11:11 And no Oklahoma car washes, neither.
11:13 Get your hair wet.
11:15 What are you doing here?
11:22 Shouldn't you be teaching the girls about their monthlies?
11:25 - No, not today, coach.
11:26 Today, I'm teaching a lesson in fairness.
11:29 I have someone here who would like to join the wrestling team
11:32 and her name is Con Supanusampone, Jr.
11:35 - Does she speak the English language?
11:37 - Well, of course she speaks English.
11:39 - Well, then, tell her wrestling's a boys' sport
11:42 and that's final.
11:43 - Oh, no, it's not.
11:45 Title IX of the Civil Rights Act
11:47 clearly prohibits sex discrimination in public schools
11:50 and guarantees equal athletic opportunities
11:53 for all boys and girls.
11:55 - Yeah, well, Roe versus Wade
11:56 doesn't apply to my wrestling team.
11:59 - Oh, I think you'll find it does apply.
12:01 Come on, Connie.
12:03 - Mrs. Hill, isn't Roe versus Wade--
12:05 - Yeah, I know, dear, but you have to pick your battles.
12:08 - It was nice of you to come by, Peggy, here,
12:10 and you can stay until you finish your Zimzibar.
12:13 But wrestling is a boys' sport.
12:15 Connie might get hurt.
12:16 - Oh, boys are given the opportunity
12:18 to get hurt all the time.
12:20 Connie deserves the same chance.
12:22 - If Connie gonna get a workout, she'll be up here.
12:25 Build mental toughness.
12:27 She get into good college,
12:28 hire former wrestlers to pave her driveway.
12:30 - Dad, maybe being on the wrestling team
12:32 can help me get into Harvard.
12:34 Remember how disappointed you were with my application essay?
12:38 You said my first draft lacked life experience.
12:41 - She right.
12:41 Connie play violin, sculpt wood metal,
12:44 and speak three languages, but what set her apart?
12:47 - I thought being smart person in Texas set her apart.
12:51 Maybe that not enough.
12:53 - I'm sure that wrestling will have
12:55 a wonderful effect on Connie.
12:56 Well, ever since my Bobby joined the team,
12:59 I've seen marked improvements in his social skills
13:01 and in his balance.
13:03 - Wait a minute.
13:04 Bobby Hill is your son?
13:06 - Very good.
13:07 You follow trail of clues that start with same last name.
13:10 Where you find this guy, Scotland Yard?
13:12 - Now, Mr. Sonfonis, Sinfon,
13:15 I'm sure there's a simple solution to all this.
13:18 Perhaps you could persuade your lovely little gal
13:20 to take gymnastics.
13:21 Asian girls usually excel at gymnastics.
13:24 I mean, with her tiny little feet,
13:25 Bounce Beam sends as wide as a sidewalk.
13:27 - Con Junior, you want to take gymnastics?
13:32 Gymnastics blows.
13:34 - You heard her.
13:35 If my girl doesn't wrestle,
13:36 I'll show you who put the shoe in super-noose upon.
13:40 - Cherry is strictly an after-wrestling gearade,
13:43 but lemon lime is good anytime.
13:46 - All right, Tinker, Bounce, listen up.
13:48 We got a situation here.
13:50 The girl's gym sub has got a bee in her bonnet
13:54 about co-editing our team.
13:56 Long story short, we got a gal on deck.
13:59 (audience groans)
14:01 I know, I know, but there's nothing we can do.
14:03 It all goes back to Title IX,
14:06 Dick Nixon's biggest mistake.
14:08 Now, I know I told you there's a place on this team
14:10 for all comers, but now,
14:12 I'm not so sure everybody's going to make the team.
14:16 (dramatic music)
14:19 (sighs)
14:22 - Hey, Bobby, did you hear?
14:29 Your mom is going to get me on the wrestling team.
14:31 Now, I can hang out all afternoon
14:33 and my mom won't care 'cause it's practice.
14:35 - Shh, I can't remember my combination when you're talking.
14:40 - Okay.
14:41 - This could take a while.
14:46 - Oh, okay.
14:48 - Mom made the coach take Connie on the wrestling team
14:55 and now he's out to get me.
14:56 - Oh, no, we were so close.
15:00 It's all well and good to talk about equal rights
15:02 until some man loses his job.
15:05 How's that equal?
15:06 - Yeah, and it's worse when they take away our favors
15:10 'cause we're used to getting them.
15:11 - Now, hold on, Hank.
15:13 I'm all for ladies wrestling,
15:16 except when they do it in pudding.
15:18 That's just demeaning to the human beings who make pudding.
15:22 - Ever since they had that big women's conference
15:25 in Beijing, co-ed sports has been the number two priority
15:29 on the international feminine night agenda.
15:33 You wanna know what the number one priority is?
15:36 - Please, not right now, Dale.
15:38 - Co-ed bathrooms.
15:40 (snorts)
15:42 It'll be a cold day in hell
15:44 before we institute that in the gribble home.
15:47 - Bobby was on the verge of getting a nickname.
15:52 I thought you were keeping busy teaching girls
15:55 how to blow up basketballs.
15:58 When did this turn into a desire to ruin wrestling?
16:01 - Oh, give me a break.
16:02 I don't see why having a girl on the team would ruin it.
16:05 Did a woman judge ruin the Supreme Court, huh?
16:08 - Yes, and that woman's name was Earl Warren.
16:11 - Take a seat, debutantes.
16:14 I've got an announcement.
16:16 Because of unprecedented interest in wrestling this year,
16:19 I've decided to hold tryouts on Friday.
16:22 Instead of a guaranteed spot on the team this year,
16:26 it'll be based on ability.
16:27 I know it isn't fair,
16:31 but apparently that's what some people like to call progress.
16:35 First match, Kaiser versus Gutierrez.
16:38 Fino versus McGimsey.
16:40 Sufanusin Thon versus Hill.
16:44 (gasps)
16:46 (laughs)
16:49 - You got her into this biggie here.
16:56 You can't abandon Connie now.
16:58 She need help.
16:59 She need training.
17:00 - Oh, I want to, Min.
17:02 I feel responsible.
17:04 Connie is picking up the softball bat
17:05 that was ripped out of my hands as a girl
17:07 by that little man from the little league.
17:10 But then Bobby, Bobby's my only son.
17:13 I don't know if I could choose.
17:14 - Choose Connie.
17:15 - But Bobby's my only--
17:16 - That's not my problem.
17:17 Choose Connie.
17:18 - Oh, what do I do?
17:20 What do I do?
17:21 - Choose Connie.
17:24 Choose Connie.
17:25 Okay, we try outside the ankle breakdown.
17:31 Luan, try to stop me.
17:33 - Connie, you got the four color pen?
17:35 You take good note this time.
17:37 (yells)
17:40 - Bill for crying out loud.
17:47 - I was listening.
17:48 - Wrestling a girl, that's a tough one, Bobby.
17:52 If you win, you get the shame of having beat up a girl.
17:56 If you lose, you just better hope she snaps your neck.
18:00 That's the quickest way.
18:02 - Yeah, man, dang old dang if you do dang if you don't,
18:04 man, that old--
18:05 - Dad, what am I gonna do?
18:07 I'm danged here, I'm royally danged.
18:11 - Now, the key to wrestling is the ability to explode.
18:19 The way I figured, if you can explode your way
18:22 out of underneath a piece of wet carpet,
18:24 you can beat any 12-year-old in the county.
18:27 All right, here we go.
18:29 One, two, three, explode.
18:34 Explode, boy.
18:35 Come on, Bobby, light the fuse.
18:38 You're a keg of dynamite.
18:40 That's it, boy, you got him where you want him.
18:42 Time to really explode.
18:47 Keg of dynamite.
18:51 (upbeat music)
18:55 - Hey, Hill, a bunch of us decided
18:59 that if you don't beat that girl tomorrow,
19:02 we don't know what we'll do.
19:04 So you better beat her.
19:06 - Guys, there's no way I can lose.
19:09 I'm in the best shape of my life.
19:11 - Hey, there she is.
19:13 Watch this.
19:15 How are you doing, Connie?
19:21 (laughing)
19:23 (upbeat music)
19:29 - Can we please just forget I ever said anything
19:32 about this stupid wrestling thing?
19:33 - What?
19:34 No, I'd go out on a giant limb for you, Con Junior.
19:38 You lose, you no longer my son.
19:40 (crying)
19:44 - Why don't you edit the yearbook, Peggy?
19:55 (kissing)
19:57 You're so good with paste and scissors, Peggy.
20:00 (kissing)
20:01 - Oh yeah!
20:02 - Your arms are so strong.
20:05 Why don't you stir punch at the prom?
20:08 Louise!
20:12 Quarters!
20:15 (dramatic music)
20:19 (moaning)
20:26 - I'm sorry, little Jeffrey.
20:29 - That's Bobby.
20:30 - Oh yeah, I wanted to call him Jeffrey,
20:34 but some man wouldn't let me.
20:37 - You mean Uncle Hank?
20:39 (scoffing)
20:42 (moaning)
20:44 (dramatic music)
21:10 - Remember, take old playmate down hard and fast.
21:13 Mom captured everything on video camera,
21:16 included in a Harvard application.
21:18 - Dad, I'm not even in high school yet.
21:20 - And you never get there with that attitude.
21:23 You're next, Till.
21:24 I just wish your mama was here to see you.
21:27 (laughing)
21:28 - She wanted to be here, but she had to sleep in.
21:32 - Son, I know everyone's been filling your head
21:36 with crazy stuff, but I just want you to know this.
21:40 Connie killed your frog.
21:43 (dramatic music)
21:48 - Atta boy, Bobby!
21:55 - Way to go, Connie Junior!
21:58 (sneezing)
22:03 (gasping)
22:06 (screaming)
22:09 (sneezing)
22:13 (dramatic music)
22:15 (screaming)
22:21 (groaning)
22:34 - What the hell is going on here?
22:36 That's not Olympic style wrestling!
22:38 - Nope, that's real wrestling.
22:41 (screaming)
22:51 - I wanna go to a party school, yeah, Chico State!
22:57 (screaming)
22:59 (screaming)
23:02 - She zombified him.
23:09 - Snap out of it, Bobby.
23:11 (sneezing)
23:16 - Oh, that's gotta hurt.
23:18 - Think they've had enough?
23:22 - Not yet.
23:23 (screaming)
23:27 - My eyes!
23:29 - Hey, Connie, no more feet, finish him!
23:33 - Why are you smiling?
23:45 Oh, did Bobby crush that poor girl in her dreams?
23:48 - Nope.
23:49 - So that little witch whooped my boy?
23:51 - No, they figured a way out.
23:54 Listen to the cheers, Peggy, I think they both won.
23:58 (cheering)
24:01 - Oh, yeah!
24:02 - Wow.
24:04 - Look at him explode, that's my boy.
24:07 - That's our boy, that's our Jeffrey.
24:10 (upbeat music)
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24:48 (upbeat music)
24:51 Oh