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AmusantTranscription
00:00 [Music]
00:03 [Music]
00:07 [Music]
00:11 [Music]
00:15 [Music]
00:19 [Music]
00:23 [Music]
00:28 [Music]
00:31 Ah, just my luck. The Super Bowl party's in ten days and my television goes on the disabled list.
00:40 Why don't we just get a new TV?
00:43 Well, I wish that was possible, son, but the terrible truth is that America, the best country in the history of the world, no longer makes television sets.
00:56 If this one fall apart, I'll let a piece of America die.
01:00 Well, couldn't we just buy like a Japanese one?
01:04 Bobby, go to your room.
01:06 [Humming]
01:08 Luann, telephone. It's Buckley.
01:12 Hello, Buckley.
01:15 What?
01:17 Of course not. We could go to the outlet stores next week.
01:23 It's not like they're having a sale or anything. They have everyday low prices.
01:28 [Sigh]
01:30 Why are people so mean at Peggy? It's been two thousand years since Jesus was born, but we're still acting like cavemen.
01:37 Oh, honey.
01:39 Peggy, we're going shopping for the Super Bowl party, not your feminine items. Diet soda?
01:48 Hank, we have got a situation here. Luann has come down with the bad case of the Y-me's.
01:54 Come on, just do something to cheer her up, please.
01:58 Hey, Luann, me and Bobby are heading over to the Megalo Mart. You want to go for a ride?
02:05 Is it okay if I don't feel like talking?
02:08 Sure, why not?
02:13 [Sigh] It's not just Buckley's everything. The world's going to pieces.
02:18 I mean, look at any newspaper. Aliens are getting autopsies and devil babies are being born every day.
02:24 Well, that may be true, Luann, but it's up to each of us to make the world a better place.
02:31 Take me, for example. I sell a clean, burning, energy-efficient fuel.
02:37 Oh, do you think I could sell propane?
02:41 No. What I'm saying is, you've got to find your own calling.
02:45 Yeah, you're probably right. You're always probably right.
02:50 Garage sale!
02:52 This is it. One deflection coil, made in the U.S. of A.
03:04 With this in our set, the only thing beyond our control is the size of the NFC Victory.
03:11 Why don't we just watch the game in Mr. Dautreve's house? I like it there. He keeps snacks in his couch cushions.
03:19 No, Bobby. The Super Bowl party goes Bill, Hank, Dale, Boomhauer.
03:25 This is Hank year, and I want everything to be perfect.
03:29 People are still talking about Super Bowl XXIV.
03:32 Boomhauer's dip was so thick, our chips were snapping like Joe Theismann's birdie leg.
03:40 [Gasps]
03:41 Oh.
03:45 My name is Lou Ann. What's yours?
03:50 I'm Mr. Cat. Meowty-doo!
03:54 [Laughs]
03:56 You're pretty good with those.
03:58 I used to play with the puppets all the time with the social worker.
04:02 Hey, how much for the puppets?
04:05 You mean?
04:08 Well, if it costs 25 cents to make you smile, it's a bargain.
04:12 Look, Dad! An old wig!
04:15 Bobby, take that off.
04:18 I'm not saying it was a miracle, Reverend Thomason, but I don't usually trip into boxes.
04:28 I think God has a plan for me, and it involves puppets.
04:35 Lou Ann, I like the idea of a Christian puppet show, but try to see things from my perspective.
04:42 As the spiritual leader of this congregation, we just laid new carpet in the activities room.
04:47 You put 30 kids in there and lose their attention.
04:50 Fruit punch all over my new carpet.
04:52 Oh, please just hear me out. You know how Baby Jesus was born in a manger?
05:00 Okay, Baby Jesus was born in a manger. Now, what if, Reverend, what if the barnyard animals who witnessed the miracle birth of the Son of God had a show of their own?
05:15 Mm-hmm. But Jesus only spent a few days in the manger, and after Luke 2.16, there's no mention of the animals.
05:24 Are you sure?
05:27 Yes, Lou Ann. After he leaves the manger, the Bible pretty much sticks with Jesus.
05:31 Well, ooh, maybe that's good, because then the animals are kind of like us. They're just waiting for Jesus to come back.
05:39 And in the meantime, don't you think they'd have all sorts of crazy adventures?
05:45 I call it the manger babies.
05:51 We're headlining next week in the activities room!
05:56 The manger babies. How do you like that?
05:58 This is going to be a great show, Lou Ann.
06:00 I know, but now I've got so much work to do. I have to write a script, build a puppet theater, learn to talk without moving my lips.
06:07 If you want, you can make a theater out of that old refrigerator box in the garage. I keep it pretty clean.
06:13 Oh, Uncle Hank, thank you.
06:17 Hey, who said that?
06:25 You're doing a great job, Lou Ann.
06:27 Yep.
06:29 Yep.
06:31 Thanks, guys. But if you have any suggestions...
06:34 [arguing]
06:41 For those of you who missed my sermon this morning, I'd like to remind you that spilling anything on a new carpet is a sin.
06:51 Now, please give a warm welcome to Miss Lou Ann Platt.
06:55 Once upon a time, almost two thousands of years ago, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ was born.
07:07 In a manger. And in that manger lived the cutest little animals.
07:14 This is their story.
07:20 [music]
07:23 After Jesus left, King Harold came, demanding firstborn sons.
07:29 He cast an evil spell on them, freezing everyone.
07:35 He slayed a bull, ten activities seen out of yardsale's second hand.
07:41 They came to life and then, amen, I met the manger babies.
07:48 I met the donkey, he says, "Ee-ah."
07:51 Jose the cat, "Meow, meow."
07:53 An octopus, too, "Gurgle, gurgle."
07:56 But let's not forget the very British bird, Seresna Featherbuff from the third, charmed, I'm sure, governor.
08:03 They are the manger babies getting in trouble.
08:08 The manger babies spreading God's message of love.
08:12 The manger babies, manger babies.
08:21 [applause]
08:28 Darn it, I left a finished nail sticking out a quarter inch.
08:34 Shush.
08:36 Today's episode, going to the movies.
08:41 Who wants to go to the movies?
08:43 Ee-ah, I do, ee-ah.
08:47 Uh-oh, there are five of us and I only have four tickets.
08:52 One of us blokes could sneak in, watch, watch.
08:55 Count me out.
08:57 Is it sneaking, Ro?
08:59 Ee-ah, everybody's doing it, ee-ah.
09:03 Gurgle, gurgle.
09:05 Okay, let's go.
09:09 La, la, la, la, la, la, we're going to the movies.
09:12 La, la, la, la, la, la, la.
09:14 Yeah, but it reflects poorly on my craftsmanship, that's all I'm saying.
09:19 Hank, you're the only one who notices.
09:22 [chatter]
09:29 Here you go, four tickets.
09:33 But there are five of you.
09:35 You were trying to sneak into the movies.
09:38 You menager babies are in a lot of trouble.
09:41 I'm locking you in a closet.
09:43 No, no.
09:46 And that's why you shouldn't sneak into the movies.
09:51 The end.
09:54 The end?
10:01 Hmm.
10:03 Whoa, do they get out of the closet?
10:08 Uh, sure, I guess.
10:11 How?
10:14 How do they get out?
10:17 Um...
10:19 I'm bored.
10:23 I don't understand.
10:29 [music]
10:34 Okay, the man.
10:39 How do they get out of the closet?
10:42 [gasp]
10:44 Oh!
10:46 No, that won't work.
10:49 Jimmy the Lock with a coat hanger.
10:52 What? I don't... I can't...
10:55 Jimmy the Lock with a...
10:59 Uh, I'll save you, menager babies.
11:02 You will?
11:04 Yes, because I'm the assistant manager of this movie theater.
11:10 I sell popcorn and popcorn accessories.
11:13 And you are fired.
11:16 We're free! We're free!
11:19 [cheering]
11:21 Thank you, assistant manager.
11:25 Meow, can we ever repay you?
11:28 By never forgetting this lesson, sneaking into the movies is wrong.
11:33 As wrong as spilling juice on a new carpet.
11:37 Bravo! Bravo!
11:40 You know, Luanne really shouldn't waste this kind of talent on church.
11:44 If you want, I can show her taped in my boss at Channel 84.
11:47 He's always looking for quality children's programming and home videos of things blowing up.
11:54 Luanne really could use a boost right now.
11:56 But I could not take advantage of our friendship like that, no.
11:59 Oh, Peggy, honey, this is show business.
12:02 That's what friends do.
12:05 Done. All right, Bobby, it's safe to plug her back in now.
12:15 Uh, oh, okay.
12:21 Another Super Bowl, another can of Scotchgard.
12:24 It would be a whole lot simpler if you would just ask Bill not to wipe his hands on the cushions.
12:30 I got a better idea.
12:32 You sit here, Boomhauer, Dale, me and Bobby will sit here.
12:37 We'll do a zone defense around the chips.
12:40 But what if Bill tries scrambling around the coffee table?
12:43 He doesn't have that kind of quickness, Peggy. Not anymore.
12:48 Aunt Peggy, could you please pull your car out of the garage?
12:51 Me and the babies need to rehearse.
12:53 The TV station could call any minute.
12:55 They'd be crazy not to.
12:57 That was the best dang Christian puppet show I have ever seen. Ever.
13:02 Well, I couldn't have done it without your help, Uncle Hank.
13:06 You saved the day.
13:08 That's why this time I wrote a part specially for you.
13:13 Well, that's very nice, Luanne, but my appearance was one night only.
13:17 But you gotta do it.
13:18 Who else am I gonna get to play God?
13:22 God?
13:24 Sure. You were great as the hero of my last show, so I figured,
13:29 why not have you play the greatest hero of them all?
13:32 Tell you what, Luanne, just as soon as I finish turning beer into water, I'll meet you in the garage.
13:40 Great!
13:43 She made me God.
13:46 Hey, if you're God, I guess that makes me Jesus.
13:51 Bobby, honey, you really shouldn't say that. That is for Luanne to decide.
13:56 Let there be light. And it was good.
14:02 Yeah, that's super, Uncle Hank, but can we get back to the script?
14:05 We're at the part where you meet your arch enemy.
14:09 Bobby's G.I. Joe?
14:12 G.I. Joe Sixpack.
14:13 He's a drunk driver who died in a car crash and was sent to hell.
14:17 And then he borrowed Satan's pickup truck without asking and trashed it so he got kicked out of hell.
14:22 And now he roams the earth riding buses and doing evil like he won't call you on your birthday and he throws beer bottles at your head.
14:29 What? He crashed a truck? You will feel my wrath.
14:35 Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
14:39 (Birds chirping)
14:41 What you throwing out, Grandpa? The money I poured into the Social Security System?
14:49 It's for Luanne's puppet show. I'm playing God.
14:54 Well, maybe we ought to ask God who's gonna win the Super Bowl.
14:58 Going to win. The game was pre-taped six months ago in the same Nevada hangar where they faked the moon landing.
15:06 Yeah, man, it's like that dang old Capricorn One, man. It was a good movie, but you know, they ain't gonna fake no stand on the ground like that.
15:12 They don't do that on Neil Armstrong.
15:15 Well, I hope you're ready for that party, Hank, 'cause you only got...
15:19 ...four more days 'til the Super Bowl.
15:24 Bill, the Super Bowl is in three days.
15:27 Oh, damn.
15:29 (Grunts)
15:35 God's not angry on that line. He's vengeful. Let's try it again.
15:39 Luanne, it's the TV station.
15:42 (Screams)
15:44 Hello?
15:46 Oh, Hank, look how excited she is. You know, just a few days ago she was talking like...
15:52 ...like the world was coming to an end. You're a good man.
15:56 Man?
15:59 (Screams) We did it! We did it! Channel 84 is putting major babies on the air!
16:05 It's UHF, Uncle Hank. Ultra High Frequency.
16:10 Oh, Luanne, you have thrust your hands into something wonderful this time.
16:14 We'd better get back to work. We've got a whole hour to fill on Sunday.
16:18 Well, that doesn't give us much time to get ready. I mean, Sunday is... Sunday?
16:24 Now, is that before or after the Super Bowl?
16:28 During. Can you believe it?
16:30 They put us on against the highest rated television event of the year...
16:33 ...because they know we're the one show that can beat it.
16:36 It's a huge responsibility. But I know I can do it. With God on my side.
16:43 Uncle Hank, I just realized my octopus only has six legs.
16:56 Hmm. Now, if I call him a sextopus, do you think I'll offend Sensibilities?
17:01 Uh, I'm sure you'll figure it out before Super Sunday.
17:05 I call it Super Sunday because that's when they play the Super Bowl. This Sunday.
17:12 Mm-hmm.
17:14 I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm going to stay home and watch the game.
17:19 What? But you're in my shell.
17:23 Luanne, the Super Bowl is an event. We're having a party. I'm the host.
17:28 So, you mean... you're not coming?
17:32 Uh, no, that's not what I said, exactly. I said I'm going to watch the game.
17:40 But it could end early due to injuries or, uh, a terrorist attack. Yeah, who knows?
17:52 Don't you think I want to miss the Super Bowl?
17:54 No, sir. I've got enough money on this game to cover the bath I took on the Dinosaur Classic.
17:59 But I will sit through that puppet show because Luanne asked me to.
18:04 Uh, come on. I'll be God some other time. Like, uh, Easter. That's during baseball season. Who cares?
18:12 Hank, Luanne believes in you.
18:15 How can you allow suffering in her world when you have the power to prevent it?
18:21 Suffering is a part of every religion, Peggy. I mean, look at what the Jews have been through, and you never hear them complaining.
18:29 (singing)
18:39 Okay, who had three minutes and forty seconds?
18:43 Yelp.
18:45 Well, goodbye, Hank. Enjoy the Selfish Bowl.
18:49 Selfish Bowl.
18:50 Uh, Luanne, I want you to know, if Uncle Hank lets you down, honey, it doesn't mean that the world is a bad place.
19:04 Oh, yes, it does.
19:06 Check it out.
19:10 Right into the commercial.
19:18 What the hell do Tina Turner's legs have to do with auto insurance?
19:23 Whoa! Wait a minute!
19:26 It's just in from the Super Bowl. With 48 seconds left in the first quarter, it's 63 degrees and partly cloudy.
19:34 Now stay tuned for the premiere of Luanne Platter's Manger Babies.
19:38 What are you doing, Hank? If I wanted to spend Super Bowl Sunday staring at my wife, I would have married Fran Tarkenden.
19:47 I didn't do anything.
19:48 (whispering)
19:54 Oh, Uncle...oh.
19:57 Okay, Luanne, you're on in five, four, three, two...
20:04 Hey, look at her! He's broken free!
20:09 Go, go, go!
20:11 Come on, man, turn it back.
20:16 I didn't change it!
20:17 Oh, damn, we missed it!
20:20 Well, at least we get to watch them dance in the end zone.
20:24 That's right. Come on.
20:26 Okay, Hank!
20:31 Hey, man, what the hell is this?
20:35 Come on, Manger Babies. I'll give you a ride.
20:42 We don't need it. God is the designated driver tonight.
20:46 God doesn't care about you.
20:49 How can you say that? God does care, and he will show it.
20:54 (sighs)
20:56 This is getting old, Hank.
20:58 It's not me. It's this damn remote control. Bill must have dripped crumbs in it or something.
21:11 Maybe God had a flat tire or...
21:13 What the hell is going on?
21:16 All I know is this is the part of the movie where I start thinking, "Why don't they just get out of the house?"
21:22 Don't be an idiot, Luanne. God's not coming.
21:26 He's watching the Super Bowl. Now get in.
21:30 Eee-yah! We better do what he says! Eee-yah!
21:35 Well, he's our only ride.
21:38 Luanne, no! Don't get in the car!
21:41 Eee-yah! If God doesn't get here soon, we're all going to die!
21:50 Maybe it's best that we do die. Who wants to live in a world without God?
21:56 You're right.
21:58 Hey, Joe Sixpack, why don't you just point your car at those oncoming headlights and let's get this thing over with?
22:07 (Gasps)
22:08 (Screams)
22:11 Oh, my God!
22:13 Yes, I have come.
22:16 Thank you, Uncle... Lord. We never stopped believing in you.
22:22 The manger baby's faith has been rewarded. You are all saved!
22:28 (Cheers)
22:31 And as for you, Joe Sixpack, anyone who drinks and drives is a real jackass.
22:38 Eee-yah! Hey!
22:40 (Cheers)
22:42 (Laughs)
22:44 So, Hank, how does it feel doing the right thing?
22:57 Not good, I guess. Of course, not as good as getting to watch the end of the Super Bowl.
23:02 Ah, the Super Bowl's always a blowout. This puppet show, it was a real knuckle-biter.
23:08 Oh, my Lord! It's Troy Aikman!
23:11 What are you doing here, son... uh, sir?
23:14 Well, it's kind of a funny story. Some guys were snapping towels in the locker room, so I went to Bible study to get some perspective on it.
23:21 And I saw a flyer for this puppet show. Sort of a little miracle, I guess.
23:26 You know, it was kind of a miracle that brought me here, too. You see, I was watching my TV, and it started flipping channels.
23:34 Mom, I hope you don't mind, but I borrowed the batteries from your remote control.
23:39 What remote control? I don't have a remote control.
23:42 Sure you do, in your purse. The universal remote that can change the channel on any brand of television. I borrowed the batteries from my Game Boy.
23:51 When?
23:53 Before the Super Bowl.
23:55 But if the remote had no batteries, how did I...?
24:00 Or after the Super Bowl. I don't remember.
24:09 [theme music]
24:16 [theme music]
24:21 [theme music]