According to Jim
  • 6 months ago
Transcript
00:30Arnold!
00:32I'm here, Mother!
00:37You know, your father and I have been terribly worried about your progress at school.
01:04Yes, Mother.
01:05You just haven't been getting the marks we think you're capable of.
01:08No, Mother.
01:09Well, a few days ago I went to see the headmaster.
01:12He said it might be in your best interest if you were to be kept down a year,
01:15if you were to stay in Junior D for another year.
01:18Oh.
01:19Is that all you've got to say?
01:21Well, it's quite difficult to talk when you're tied upside down to a tree.
01:26Have you been playing with Howard and Frank?
01:28Yes.
01:29Well, what on earth were you playing?
01:31Well, I said it was such a shame we haven't got a swing,
01:35and they said they could make one.
01:37But I didn't realise they were going to make one out of me.
01:42Well, that's not done.
01:44Anyway, your father had a word with the headmaster,
01:47and we explained how much we wanted you to be a test pilot in the Space Corps,
01:51like your brother, John,
01:53and how this could damage your chances.
01:55We got this this morning.
01:57Do you realise how important this is?
01:59This decision could completely alter the whole course of your life.
02:26Whoa!
02:27Welcome home, Ace.
02:28Bless you, Spanners, old friend. It's good to be home.
02:30Well, how did you behave?
02:31The lightship? Like a frolicking filly in a harvest-time pasture.
02:35How you and your boys down in engineering got that crate to break the light barrier, I'll never know.
02:39Well, some people might say it's that devilishly brave and handsome guy in the cockpit that did it.
02:43Tish per shorn nonsense.
02:45Any old twit can hug the event horizon of a black hole,
02:48then loop-de-loop round a spinning singularity at twice the speed of light,
02:51then slam the engines into reverse and blast out of an imploding nebula.
02:55It's you and your guys with the magic wrenches down in engineering, Spanners.
02:58You're the ones who break the records.
02:59You'll be going to this party thing they've thrown for you tonight, I suppose?
03:02Good God, no.
03:03Heroes welcomes with 21 gun salutes in front of the entire Admiralty.
03:06Send me to the land of nods, Spanners.
03:08I'll be down in the mess with the salt-of-the-earth engineering boys as per usual.
03:12See you there at 1900.
03:13See you later, Ace.
03:16What a guy.
03:19Ah, welcome home, son.
03:22You've been in all our prayers, you know.
03:24Bless you, Padre.
03:25How's little Tommy?
03:26He's pulled through.
03:27Be on his feet in no time, thanks to you.
03:30Sitting by his bedside day after day, night after night,
03:33holding his hand, reading him stories.
03:36You know me, Chaplain.
03:37Any old excuse to get out of dinner with the Admiral?
03:41Listen, 1900, we're having a bit of a bash down in the mess.
03:44It would mean a lot to me if you were there.
03:45Oh, thank you, son.
03:471900.
03:50What a guy.
03:52Commander Arnold Rimmer reporting for debriefing.
03:54So, you dog, you're back.
03:56Did you ever doubt it when I got someone like you to come back to?
03:58If only it were true.
04:00Have you been doing lunchtime?
04:02Not sure. Why?
04:03Because if you're interested, I'll be in my quarters, covered in maple syrup.
04:08I'm sorry, Mallie, I don't fraternize with the staff.
04:11I resign.
04:12I'll be there at 1300.
04:15You're back.
04:16Afraid so.
04:17Had the feeling you might be.
04:19Rubber shares went up this morning.
04:22You wanted to see me, Bongo?
04:24Ever heard of a thing called the dimension theory of reality?
04:28Doesn't that run along the lines that there is an infinite number of parallel universes where every possibility exists?
04:33It's along those lines, yeah.
04:35The basic tenet states that for every decision that's made, the alternative decision is played out in another reality.
04:41So?
04:42So, the lab boys have come up with a drive that can break the speed of reality.
04:46Those boffins have hammered together a crate that can cross dimensions?
04:50When do I launch?
04:51It's a one-way ticket, Ace. There's no coming back.
04:53I'm free at 1500.
04:55I do realize this is a prototype, but there's no way of knowing if it'll even get there.
04:59Where's there exactly?
05:00You'll be transported to an alternative reality.
05:02A reality where there's another Arnold Rimmer.
05:05Some decision was made at some point in your life where he went one way and you went the other.
05:10You might find he's quite different to you.
05:12Sounds like quite a caper.
05:13You'll do it?
05:16I'm a test pilot in the space called Bongo. It's my job to do it.
05:22I know this probably won't interest you, but I'd hate myself for the rest of my life if I didn't at least suggest it.
05:28Suggest what?
05:29If you're interested, I'll be in my quarters at lunchtime, covered in tarama salata.
05:36I didn't know your bread was buttered that side, Bongo.
05:38It isn't, Ace. I've been happily married for 35 years.
05:40Just a chap like you can turn a guy's head.
05:45I'm sorry, Bongo. Lunch is on Melly.
05:49Would it make any difference if it was hummus?
05:54I'm sorry, Bongo. I'm strictly butter side up.
05:58Understood.
06:00What a guy.
06:08Godspeed and bless you, son.
06:10All systems check. Let's get this kind up into the big black.
06:13Ignition. Chokes away.
06:16Bye, Bongo. Bye, Spanners. Bye, Padre. Bye, Melly.
06:19Spook me a kipper. I'll be back for breakfast.
06:23Bye, Ace.
06:38Light.
06:54Light.
06:59What?
07:00What are you doing?
07:01What am I doing?
07:02Yes, what are you doing?
07:04Just snipping down the cinema. Catch the midnight movie.
07:08What, dressed like that?
07:09Yeah. Go on and sit yours.
07:14You're going fishing, aren't you?
07:15That ocean planet we passed two days ago, you're going fishing without me?
07:19Oh, come off it, man. Don't be ridiculous.
07:22Hey, what are you doing with the lights on? Come on, let's get out of here before...
07:27I don't believe it. All three of you.
07:29What's he talking about?
07:30I don't know. For some reason he's got this crazy, whacked-out idea that we're all going on a fishing holiday.
07:35A fishing holiday?
07:36Dear Rimmer, we have gone on a fishing holiday.
07:39To the ocean planet we passed two days ago.
07:41We tried to wake you but couldn't. See you in three weeks, L, K and C.
07:45Oh, please, sir. They forced me to do it. I had no choice.
07:49Why did you want to go without me?
07:51We didn't want to go without you.
07:52But you still said it wasn't your scene. I mean, fishing.
07:55But it's boring, isn't it?
07:56I love fishing. The glow of the dawn, the line arcing into the water.
08:01That's it. That's exactly the reason we didn't invite you. There's no fish.
08:04That at least is true, sir. We sent down a search probe and there's no marine life on the entire planet.
08:09We're just going to sit out on Starbuck, dangle the rods over the side and have a few cans. You know, chill out.
08:14I don't believe anybody would want to go on a fishing holiday where they know there's no fish.
08:18We used to do it all the time, back home. Used to go down the canal. Never any fish in that.
08:23Used to go condom fishing.
08:26I swear, one time I caught this two-pound black-ribbed knobbler. It was about that big.
08:35Why didn't you just say, dear Rimmer, we're going on a fishing holiday and we don't want you to come?
08:39See, that's what I said we should say.
08:43I don't know what it is about me. All my life it's been the same old story.
08:46It's not easy, you know, to come in every night, look in that mirror and see a guy nobody likes.
08:50How do you think we feel? We've got to look at it all day.
08:54Look, we just thought you wouldn't want to come.
08:58I try to be liked. God knows I try.
09:01I regaled you with amusing stories of when I was treasurer of the Hammond Organ Owner's Society.
09:06You never laugh.
09:10I offered to talk you through my photo collection of 20th century telegraph poles.
09:16You've always got some excuse. None of you like Morris dancing?
09:21Would that break your hearts? Every once in a while the four of us getting our knees up in the air.
09:25The jingle of bells. The clonk of wood on wood.
09:28No, every time I suggest it you all pretend to be ill.
09:32You've got it wrong, ma'am. We just thought you wouldn't want to come.
09:35Now we know you do great. You can come.
09:38But what are you going on about? It's like there's some major conspiracy.
09:40We've been planning it for days. We haven't.
09:43Really?
09:44Really.
09:46All right, then I'll come. I'll just get dressed. Holly?
09:48Oh, who woke him up?
09:58Steady now, Brighton.
09:59Yes, sir.
10:00Best to get there in one piece than to rush it and cause an accident, eh?
10:03I have passed my test, sir. I am a fully qualified pilot.
10:06Mind that star?
10:08That star is over two light years away, sir. We're nowhere near it.
10:11There's no percentage in being a boy racer, Cripeny.
10:14OK, you've passed your test. Mind that planet!
10:17Which planet?
10:18That planet!
10:19That's the planet we're heading to, sir.
10:23Excellent. Excellent. Plot an orbital course. We'll be there in no time.
10:26Yes, sir. I have done, sir.
10:28Yes, and get the second stage underway.
10:30I already have done, sir.
10:32But you haven't correlated the data with the main computer banks, have you?
10:35Yes, sir. I have, sir.
10:37You know, you know your trouble, Cripen?
10:39What, sir?
10:40You're a git.
10:42Stupid. Three weeks stuck with Captain Yawn.
10:45Look, it wasn't my fault.
10:47You could have sweet-talked the way out of it if you hadn't have blown the whole gaff.
10:50Me? What did I do?
10:51You're the one who woke him up.
10:53I could have sweet-talked my way out of it, but oh, no.
10:55You had to come blundering in with your size 12s.
10:58You are so two-faced.
11:00Why haven't you got the guts just to tell the dude nobody likes him?
11:03Oh, yeah. Great. Brilliant. What am I supposed to say?
11:05Excuse me, ma'am.
11:06Do you know you're about as popular as a horny dog at a Miss Lovely Legs competition?
11:11Well, that's what I'd do.
11:12I'd say,
11:13Hiya, buddy. How's it going?
11:16I just had to get out of there. He's driving me nuts.
11:19I cannot stand front-seat drivers.
11:23Well, come on. There's not a lot going on in here. We're on holiday.
11:25Let's cheer things up a bit.
11:26How about some music?
11:28I've brought my Hammond CDs with me.
11:31How about Reggie Wilson plays the Lyft Music Classics?
11:35What about Sounds of the Supermarket 20 Shopping Grades?
11:40Has anyone seen the keys to the medical cabinet?
11:42I feel a sudden urge to suffocate myself with a two-pound black-ribbed knobbler.
11:48Not Reggie Wilson. Please remember.
11:50You don't like Reggie Wilson? What?
11:52Not even Pop Goes Delius or Funking Up Wagner?
11:56How about something slightly more melodious,
11:58like the long-drawn-out death rattle of a man suffering from terminal flatulence?
12:04Come on, you boars. Let's do something.
12:06How about we all sing some campfire songs?
12:09Kumbaya!
12:12Kumbaya!
12:13Everyone, practice.
12:14Kumbaya! Kumbaya!
12:16Purple alert! Purple alert!
12:19What's a purple alert?
12:20What's a purple alert?
12:21It's sort of like not as bad as a red alert, but a bit worse than a blue alert.
12:25It's more like a mauve alert. Well, I say mauve...
12:27Ollie, wipe the rabid foam from your chin and start again.
12:31There's some sort of disruption to the time fabric continuum.
12:34At least I presume that's what it is. It's certainly got all the signs.
12:36There's this big wibbly-wobbly-swirly thing, and it's heading straight towards us.
12:41What is it?
12:42I don't know, sir. Whichever way I manoeuvre, it follows us.
12:44It seems to be locked in on us.
12:46Wait, there's something coming out of it.
12:48It's going to hit us! Collision course!
12:53Emergency! Emergency! A Dutch crash procedure!
12:56Where's the card? Who's got the card?
12:58What card?
12:59The plastic card. The plastic card that the card used for the crash procedure on it.
13:02Don't panic, man!
13:03It should be in the netting behind the seats.
13:05Haven't we got to sit behind a woman clutching a baby?
13:07And what's the drill?
13:09Look, I know what it is.
13:10What?
13:11Sit down, tuck your head between your legs and brace yourself.
13:14Now what?
13:15Then you open the in-flight magazine and start reading.
13:19The dooms of the articles act as a sedative.
13:22I mean, look at this contents list.
13:24Salt, an epicure's delight.
13:26Classic wines of Estonia.
13:28Flemish weave in the traditional way.
13:30Don't fight it, man. Let it take you.
13:33How can you be so mind-bogglingly flippant?
13:35Don't you know what's going to happen? We're going to crash!
13:37You've got to stay calm. It's a well-known fact.
13:39The more relaxed you are, the less likely you are to be injured.
13:42Good luck, everybody! Here it comes!
13:46The ancient Egyptians would drink the leaves in salt.
13:50When most people think of classic wines,
13:52they are unlikely to consider the Estonian reds.
13:55Yet Estonian grapes are among the fruitiest and most subtle.
13:59Since the beginning of the 13th century,
14:01Belgium has been the home of some of the most remarkable weaving
14:04to come out of northwest Europe.
14:16MUSIC PLAYS
14:24Is everyone all right?
14:26Yes, thank God, I'm fine.
14:29Cat!
14:31It's bad, buddy. It's real bad.
14:36See what I mean? It's red with apricot.
14:39I look like a jerk.
14:41I'm bleeding an unfashionable colour.
14:44If I'd known I was going to get my leg crushed,
14:46I'd have worn white. It goes with anything.
14:48Is anything broken?
14:50Yeah, all the stitching's come away and the lining's ripped.
14:53Somebody, please, get me a tailor.
14:56Right, get the first aid box.
14:58Let's clean this up, make sure he doesn't get gangrene.
15:01Gangrene? You think I might get gangrene?
15:04Yes.
15:06Hey, that might work. Green with apricot.
15:08I think I could pull that off.
15:11It's a break, sir.
15:13Quite a bad one.
15:15I'm going to have to snap the bone back into line.
15:18And there's no anaesthetic.
15:20Here, read the in-flight magazine.
15:22Salt, an epicure's delight.
15:24The salt on my t...
15:26Oh, my God!
15:28Did it hurt?
15:30No, I'm talking about the article. Have you done my leg yet?
15:33Holly, what's the damage?
15:35Doesn't look good.
15:37We've lost the port engine, the starboard engine's packed up,
15:40the fuel line's severed, we're taking in water through the hull,
15:43we lost the landing jets after the electric's out
15:45and the elastic's snapped on the furry dives.
15:47What does that mean in real terms?
15:49Well, it means you've got a more tasteful cockpit.
15:53But unless you fix that starboard engine in the next 40 minutes,
15:56we're going to start sinking.
15:58Anything we can do?
16:00We could try and hire a dance band and get it to play Abide With Me.
16:03I'm going to have to go out there and fix the engine.
16:05You don't know anything about engines.
16:07Besides, there's a 40-knot gale out there.
16:09You'd have to be insane to even attempt it.
16:11Only a fool or a hero would even consider it.
16:17Bingo! Down there, they've ditched into the drink.
16:19I'm bailing out, computer.
16:21But Ace, it's a suicide mission.
16:23I caused the smash, should apologize. Only manners.
16:26Bring around for another pass.
16:28Please, Ace, don't go. I love you.
16:30Step up a motor more, girl.
16:32Smoke me a kipper. I'll be back for breakfast.
16:36I love you.
16:47Name's Commander Rimmer. Arnold Rimmer.
16:49Friends call me Ace.
16:51I've come from another dimension. Explain later.
16:54But first of all, let's get you out of this pickle.
16:56What do they call you, matey?
16:58Krashen, sir.
16:59Series 4000 mechanoid, am I right?
17:01Sold to the Space Corps.
17:04Spanners.
17:05Eh?
17:06I'm sorry, you reminded me of a fellow I once knew.
17:08What's your handle?
17:09Lister. Dave Lister.
17:11Of course it is. Put it there, Dave.
17:13You look a great bloke to be in a scrape with.
17:15What about the guy in the sharp suit?
17:17He hasn't got a name. We just call him Cat.
17:19Looks like you bought yourself a broken leg there, Cat.
17:21I love the Cuban heels.
17:23Who's the deeply delicious, stunningly gorgeous computer?
17:25Holly.
17:28My God, it's me, only much more handsome.
17:32Well, looks like I'm superfluous.
17:34Hold on, he'll have you out of here in no time.
17:36He's a hologram. He can't touch anything.
17:38Dead, eh?
17:40Well, commiserations, old man.
17:42What a crushing bore that must be.
17:44You're me?
17:45Don't quite understand the science,
17:47but it's got something to do with us living identical lives up until a certain point,
17:50where a decision was made, and you went one way, I went the other.
17:54Still, can't hang around here chin-wagging all day.
17:56Let's get this box up into the air, shall we?
17:58What's your plan, Arne?
18:00I haven't got one.
18:03OK. Right, well, um...
18:06I suggest this. The starboard engine is repairable,
18:08but it's a two-man job. Any volunteers?
18:10Yeah, OK, count me in.
18:12I've got a window in my schedule this afternoon.
18:14Not so fast, Davey boy. You leapt in so quick,
18:16you didn't give Arne here a chance to speak.
18:18He was just about a volunteer, weren't you, Arne?
18:20No, I wasn't.
18:23OK, well, um, let's get cracking, shall we, Dave?
18:25What's the starboard engine's thrust-to-input ratio, Arne?
18:28What's that?
18:30Well, you can work it out. What's the craft's inertia rating?
18:33I don't know.
18:35Well, what's the PSI?
18:36I don't know!
18:38OK, we'll work it out when we get there, shall we?
18:40Come on, Dave, better grab a brolly. It's a bit of a drizzle outside.
18:43Sir, can I have a word in private?
18:45Of course, old friend.
18:47Excuse us.
18:53What's the problem, Criters?
18:55Well, I have a limited understanding of medicine, sir,
18:57but it's plainly obvious even to me
18:59that your left arm is broken in several places.
19:01Took a bit of a tumble in the landing. It's only a scratch.
19:04I cannot allow you to go out in this storm, sir,
19:06not with your arm in that condition.
19:08I must insist you allow me to go in your place.
19:10I see.
19:12The series 4000 isn't waterproof, is it?
19:14Well, that's besides the point, sir.
19:16Look, I'll tell you what we'll do.
19:23Sorry, old chum, no option.
19:27Arnie, Crichton's taking a bit of a whack.
19:29I want you to reroute his circuitry and bring him back online.
19:31How?
19:33You don't know how to do that?
19:35No.
19:37Come on, Dave, let's catch a breath of fresh air.
19:40Smoke me a kipper.
19:42Can you do that?
19:44I'll be back for breakfast.
19:52What's up with the music, Dave?
19:54Can't you hear it?
19:56I want you to sing a song.
19:58I like Rasta Billy's skank.
20:00Right.
20:02Grab my arm, Dave.
20:04Grab my arm.
20:10Right, I'm going to have to do
20:12something a bit sisterly.
20:14I'm going to have to do
20:16something a bit sisterly.
20:18I'm going to have to do
20:20something a bit sisterly now.
20:22Blackout.
20:26Sorry about that.
20:28Let's get cracking.
20:30Whether you like Rasta Billy.
20:32Come on, Dave.
20:34Sing that song.
20:36Whether you like Rasta Billy.
20:40Hazel with stripes.
20:44Green anorex with furry collars.
20:46They're great.
20:48Oh, Siri, he's delirious.
20:50Oh, rubber trousers
20:52held down with bicycle clips.
20:56Come on, Derrima.
20:58I ask you.
21:00Ace.
21:02Bath City.
21:04I bet you anything he wears women's underwear.
21:06They're all the same, this type, you know.
21:08Hurly-burly, rough-and-tumble
21:10macho marines in public.
21:12And behind closed doors
21:14he'll be parading up and down
21:16after ballgowns, drinking mint juleps,
21:18whipping the houseboy.
21:20Sir, he's you. It's just that your lives
21:22diverged at a certain point in time.
21:24Yes, I went into the gents and he went the other way.
21:26I assume, sir, you are making
21:28fatuous references to his sexuality.
21:30If I may just point out.
21:32Yes, we did it!
21:36Well, let's see.
21:38How you got that housing clear, I'll never know.
21:40Oh, come on, Ace, it was you.
21:42I could never have reconnected that fuel line.
21:44How could you hang upside down
21:46and fix a starboard engine?
21:48It was totally brutal.
21:50What a team.
21:52Now I know where I've seen you two.
21:54Weren't you the double-action centerfold
21:56in July's edition of Big Boys in Boots?
21:58Now look here, Arnie.
22:00You can say what you like about me,
22:02but I won't hear a word against Skipper here.
22:04Skipper?
22:06A man like him deserves a nickname.
22:08I thought Skipper sat rather well.
22:10Ace and Skipper? You sound like a kid's TV series
22:12I don't know what you're doing, Skipper.
22:14Let's get this tea chest up into the stars
22:16and back to the small rouge one, eh?
22:18Yeah, the sooner we get back, the sooner you two
22:20can climb into a nice hot soapy bath
22:22and play Spot the Submarine.
22:24Sir, the cat.
22:26I don't think he's going to last much longer.
22:34Bry nylon underwear.
22:36Sock suspenders.
22:38Shoes with cardigans.
22:40He's delirious. His leg's all swollen.
22:42I think he may lose it.
22:44Lose his leg?
22:46I fear so. The operation to save it is beyond my expertise.
22:48Lose my leg?
22:50Hey, that's terrible. None of my suits will fit.
22:54Brighton, I'll need 500 cc's
22:56of corticoadrenaline, two pints of plasma,
22:58a laser scalpel, and some kind of tissue
23:00sample the microbiologist will do.
23:02Oh, my God.
23:04Field microsurgery, all part of basic training
23:06in the Space Corps Special Service.
23:08Scrub up.
23:10I'll go and throw up.
23:16How's the cat?
23:18Aced, did he? The cat's fine now.
23:20He's just sitting up in bed, looking through some swatches,
23:22trying to find the material he likes
23:24for his dressings.
23:26I don't know how aced does he.
23:28He's been on his feet for 36 hours.
23:30He's still laughing and joking.
23:32What a guy.
23:34He's just nipped off the teacher's craic.
23:36Amazing, dude.
23:38So, is it a simple registry office,
23:40or a full church do for you two?
23:42I don't understand your attitude, Rimmer.
23:44He's you. He's not me.
23:46I'm me. He's a me who had all the luck,
23:48all the chances, all the breaks that I never got.
23:50No, it was just a single incident,
23:52and your lives went off in completely different directions.
23:54It's incredible to think
23:56that one decision in your childhood
23:58could produce such drastically different people.
24:00Right. He probably got to go to some really great school
24:02while I was lumbered with I.O. House.
24:04He got to meet all the right people.
24:06Greased his way up the old boy network.
24:08Towel flicked his way into the Space Corps.
24:10Masonic hand shook his way into flight school.
24:12And Brown tongued his way up the ranks.
24:14You think you'd be pleased
24:16that somewhere in some other dimension
24:18there's another you?
24:20Another you doing really well for himself?
24:22Oh, come on. How would you feel if some git
24:24arrived from another dimension?
24:26Another Lister with wall-to-wall charisma
24:28and a PhD in being handsome and wonderful?
24:30Hey, man, I am that Lister.
24:32No, come on.
24:34How would you feel if there was another Lister
24:36doing a hell of a lot better than you are?
24:38There is. Ace knows him.
24:40That's why he called me Spanners when he first came in.
24:42In Ace's dimension, he's a flight engineer in the Space Corps.
24:44Married to Christine Kachansky.
24:46Twin boys, Jim and Bexley.
24:48I made up for him.
24:50Whatever he did that I didn't, he deserves the lot.
24:52For me, it kind of makes sense of a load of stuff
24:54to think that in all these dimensions
24:56every possibility is played out.
24:58Hell, there's probably a really, really weird dimension
25:00where people are better looking than me.
25:02Well, it just makes me bitter.
25:04You know I've always had this thing
25:06about not getting the breaks?
25:08Well, there's living proof of what I could have achieved
25:10if I got the one he got.
25:12Skipper, got a moment?
25:14Go on. He's probably picked a ring.
25:22Skipper, I've decided I'm not going to stay.
25:24Why?
25:26Him and me, it would never work.
25:28I just can't stand to be near the man.
25:30To see myself so warped, so bitter, so weasley.
25:32The man's a maggot.
25:34So where are you going to go?
25:36Just out there.
25:38I can't go back.
25:40But there's a billion other realities to explore.
25:42A billion other Arnold Rimmers to meet.
25:44Maybe somewhere there's one who's more of a pain in the butt than him.
25:46But I doubt it.
25:48Well, good luck, man.
25:50And look, don't be too hard on Rimmer.
25:52You got the break, he didn't. He's just bitter.
25:54Do you know what that break was?
25:56At the age of seven, one of us was kept back a year.
25:58The other one wasn't.
26:00Put your finger on that, will you, Skipper?
26:02That's the only difference.
26:04Rimmer went down a year and you stayed up.
26:06No.
26:08I was the one who went down a year.
26:10By his terms,
26:12he got the break.
26:14But being kept down a year made me...
26:16the humiliation.
26:18Being the tallest boy in the class by a clear foot.
26:20It changed me.
26:22Made me buckle down.
26:24Made me fight back.
26:26And I've been fighting back ever since.
26:28Well, he spent the rest of his life making excuses.
26:30Maybe he's right.
26:32Maybe I did get the lucky break.
26:34I'll grab my things and be off, Dave.
26:36Smooch me a kipper, Skipper.
26:38I'll be back for breakfast.
26:50Ha-ha-ha!
26:54Ha-ha-ha!
26:56Ready?
26:58I'll smoke him a smegging kipper.
27:06Now.
27:08Ha-ha-ha!
27:10Ha-ha-ha!
27:12Ha-ha-ha!
27:14Ha-ha-ha!
27:24Ha-ha-ha!
27:26Ha-ha-ha!
27:28Ha-ha-ha!
27:30Ha-ha-ha!
27:32Ha-ha-ha!
27:34Ha-ha-ha!
27:36Ha-ha-ha!
27:38It's Wednesday night.
27:40It's amateur Hammond organ recital night.
27:42Okay. Take it away, Scutters.
27:54Take it away, Scutters.
28:24Ha-ha-ha!
28:26Ha-ha-ha!
28:28Ha-ha-ha!
28:30Ha-ha-ha!