First broadcast 15th November 2010.
Rhod Gilbert
Greg Davies
Lloyd Langford
Jo Whiley
Kaye Adams
Erin Boag
Katy Brand
Zach Galifianakis
Todd Phillips
Glenn Ross
Rhod Gilbert
Greg Davies
Lloyd Langford
Jo Whiley
Kaye Adams
Erin Boag
Katy Brand
Zach Galifianakis
Todd Phillips
Glenn Ross
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00CHEERY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC
00:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:22Tonight on Ask Rob Gilbert, our special guests are...
00:26She'll Strictly Stick To The Facts, it's Erin Bogue!
00:30And the very impressionable Katie Brand!
00:34They're here every week, it's actor and comedian Greg Davies!
00:39And it's Rod's flatmate, Lloyd!
00:43Ladies and gentlemen, Ask Rod Gilbert!
00:50Hello and welcome, yes, my name is Rod Gilbert
00:52and tonight my job is to find the answers to the questions that keep us all awake at night.
00:56Sometimes the answer to a question is really obvious.
00:59Like, why is George Lucas releasing the Star Wars films in 3D?
01:03The answer is obviously public demand.
01:05I, for one, enjoyed the original cinema release, the VHS version of the DVD,
01:08the DVD special edition, the DVD box set with extra features,
01:11and the Blu-ray DVD, and now I'm dying to see just how crap The Phantom Menace looks.
01:15It appears to jut out of my TV screen a little bit.
01:19But some questions are more complicated and go to the heart of who we are as human beings.
01:23Questions like, when I'm in a departure lounge waiting for my flight,
01:26why is that little screen that just used to tell me what gate to go to
01:29starting telling me to relax and shop?
01:31What do you mean, relax and shop?
01:33I can't relax and shop, it's either or.
01:35Make up your mind.
01:36You might as well tell me to lie down and do the Lombarda,
01:38or climb a tree and fetch a turnip.
01:40And anyway, stop telling me what to do.
01:42I can handle proceed to gate or wait in lounge,
01:45but what's with the lifestyle advice?
01:46You're an automated flight information system, not Trini and Susanna.
01:50When I'm waiting for a bus, the screen just says,
01:52bus due in seven minutes.
01:53It doesn't say, bus due in seven minutes.
01:55Ring your mother, make a Christmas list, frost your teeth, your breath stinks.
01:59And another thing, departure lounge people,
02:01if I do enter your competition and win it before I board my flight,
02:04what am I going to do with that ruddy Ferrari?
02:07If I didn't get 200 millilitres of toothpaste past the woman downstairs,
02:10how am I going to get through security with 200 grand's worth of high-powered bright red machinery?
02:14I had four pence in my pocket last time the metal detector went berserk.
02:18I'm going to start bleeping like a Gordon Ramsay documentary about swearing
02:21when I drive through at 197 miles an hour.
02:24Anyway, on with the show.
02:31In a world full of lies and deceit,
02:33we need someone with credibility to help us find the answers to our questions.
02:36So as always, we begin by asking, who is tonight's authenticator?
02:40She's narrated a six-part documentary series about the Merchant Navy.
02:44She's once won a fiercely contested episode of Celebrity Mastermind,
02:47beating off stiff competition from a premiership footballer,
02:50Bungle from Rainbow and this pineapple.
02:53She's the first ever host of the award-winning daytime series Loose Women.
02:59It's Kay Adams.
03:11Hello, Kay. Thanks for coming on the show.
03:13Pleasure. Deja vu. I was just back there.
03:16Was it Denise Welsh?
03:18Well, actually, I was thinking, you know,
03:20some of those ladies have got better stubble than you do, Lloyd.
03:24Anyway, thanks for coming on the show. How are you?
03:26I'm very well indeed, thank you.
03:28You know, a little bird told me, i.e. the internet,
03:30that you once turned down a hundred grand to get your kit off.
03:36Is that true?
03:37No, it's not true. That story got slightly mixed.
03:39So you did get your kit off?
03:41No.
03:42Would you do it, though, Kay?
03:43What?
03:44Would you do it?
03:45Would you?
03:46For a hundred grand?
03:47Yeah.
03:48I'd do it for 50 quid.
03:50What, you'd get your kit off?
03:51For a hundred grand. I'd pose naked with a tortoise.
03:55The question is, you've got to be clear about this,
03:57are you going to show your bits in the magazine?
04:00What if there were three tortoises over your bits?
04:03Yeah, I'd do that, yeah.
04:04Two terrapins and a turtle.
04:11Yes, Kay, do your hundred grand.
04:13How they measure sizes now, where you come from,
04:16I think you're about four tortoises.
04:21You've gone up a tortoise.
04:26Thanks for joining us, Kay. How are you going to help us tonight?
04:28Well, Rod, I'm going to be providing you and the lovely panel here
04:30with facts, lots of information throughout the show,
04:33which should help to bring us closer to finding out the answers
04:36to your burning questions.
04:37Wonderful.
04:38And when I think we finally have an answer, I will do this.
04:44I mean, you were with Peter Shutton, weren't you?
04:47Yes, I was.
04:49Did he keep saying the glitter ball and going to save it all the time?
04:54No, but he did, he danced like a goalkeeper.
04:56Did he?
04:57He danced like a goalkeeper?
04:59He did.
05:00Well, when he had to use his arms.
05:02Yeah.
05:03That was a goalkeeper dance, wasn't it?
05:05He should have tried disco.
05:08Anyway, on with the show. Let's find out who wants to know what.
05:11Who wants to know what? Who have we got tonight?
05:14Simon Cowell.
05:16Woo-hoo-hoo!
05:18We shouldn't be saying, because last week we did a whole big thing
05:22where everybody was dressed as Simon Cowell,
05:24and we should go a little bit easier on him this week.
05:26Let's find out what he'd like to know.
05:28Rod, I'm thinking of going on Who Do You Think You Are?
05:31to look into my family tree. Do you reckon it's a good idea?
05:34Well, Simon, I heard you might be going on the programme,
05:37and I've done a little bit of homework tracing your long-lost brothers.
05:39I'm pleased to say we can finally put you in touch with them.
05:42Here you go.
05:46Let's see Simon alongside.
05:51Come on, we did a proper moustache on him.
05:54There he is.
06:03Yes, here you go.
06:04Ledeen Coyle.
06:06Ledeen Coyle.
06:09We're in Belfast.
06:12It's not often I get to break that accent out.
06:15She said recently that she wanted to do a cookery show.
06:20And she said her favourite food, when slightly challenged on this by her...
06:24She said she did like food, and that she was particularly...
06:27And as proof that she loved food,
06:29she said she liked eating Lucky Charms and potatoes.
06:33Which to me just sounded like she's confused in the moment,
06:36flustered she just thought of two Irish things.
06:40Lucky Charms and potatoes.
06:44I can't do the accent, Lloyd, can you?
06:46I can only really do one accent.
06:50Who else have we got?
06:52Stephen Hawking.
06:53I notice we're not all trying to do his voice.
07:00It's Zach Galifianakis, is that how you pronounce it?
07:03Galifianakis.
07:04Galifianakis.
07:05Zach Galifianakis.
07:06Gal.
07:07Gal.
07:08Galifianakis.
07:09Galifianakis.
07:10I tell you what, I'll do his first name, you come in with Galifianakis.
07:12Oh, I just did it.
07:15I'll never do that again.
07:16It's Zach.
07:17Galifianakis.
07:18And Todd.
07:19Phillips.
07:23Let's see what they want to know.
07:25Hi, Rod.
07:26We've just wrapped on our new film in which two unlikely characters
07:29end up on a road trip together across the US.
07:32We've been thinking about the fastest way to get around
07:35and it got us wondering, will we ever evolve to have wings?
07:41The question is, will we ever evolve to have wings, panel?
07:44Can you see what you can find out, Kay?
07:46I certainly shall.
07:47Erin, would you like to have some wings?
07:49I would love to have some wings, yes.
07:51Instead of your arms, or as well?
07:53I would like ones on the back.
07:54Like little angel ones?
07:55Like little angel ones, yes.
07:56What would you do if you had wings?
07:58I'd fly.
08:03We wouldn't need cars any more, would we?
08:05No.
08:06But then we'd get a lot of jams in the sky, wouldn't we?
08:10You wouldn't get jams in the sky, Erin.
08:12You never see birds in a traffic jam.
08:15You know when they're in a V, birds,
08:16you know they're doing that deliberately?
08:18Not just one in the back going, this is ridiculous.
08:21LAUGHTER
08:29So, Kay, have we got anything else for us, please?
08:32Will we ever evolve wings?
08:34Well, to be honest, I really don't know if this will help,
08:36but take a look.
08:37OK.
08:42LAUGHTER
08:50LAUGHTER
08:58APPLAUSE
09:08I'm not so sure what he was trying to do.
09:10He was trying to be a mascot and be, you know,
09:13and bounce around and be jaunty
09:15and whip the crowd up into a frenzy,
09:17but I'm not sure we needed the mime of him going...
09:20I think it's factually inaccurate as well,
09:22because the swan is the only bird with a penis.
09:30You do know that was a minor costume, right?
09:34Yeah, but even so, he should have stayed in character.
09:40My dad's budgie died in a terrible way, you know.
09:42Your dad's budgie died in a terrible way?
09:44I can see the story coming on.
09:45He was lying around the kitchen, Joey.
09:47Lovely blue budgie.
09:48And he thought he saw the garden
09:50and decided he wanted to go out to feed him,
09:52but he didn't realise there was a window
09:54between this room and the garden,
09:56and so he flew full tail into the window,
09:59smacked his face against the window,
10:01fell into the sink, stunned, drowned, gone.
10:06I think I can top that.
10:09When I was teaching, I used to...
10:11I used to be a teacher.
10:14I used to do a game with the kids to kill time,
10:17where we'd all sit round and talk about something
10:19that had really made us laugh,
10:21and all the kids were showing these really hilarious stories.
10:24And it got to this one girl, and she couldn't stop laughing.
10:27She was in absolute hysterics.
10:29My budgie was flying around the kitchen,
10:31and then it accidentally flew into the deep fat fryer.
10:38Just for a second, it came out.
10:40No, no!
10:44LAUGHTER
10:47Just before it was finally deep fried.
10:50Oh, no!
10:53If you could be any bird you'd like, what would you be?
10:56Um, I don't know, probably a nice robin or something.
10:59A nice robin? Yeah.
11:01Cos I think people like robins.
11:03I'd be an owl. I love the owl.
11:05Bad luck. Owls, don't touch them. Bad luck.
11:08The only person ever to say an owl's bad luck.
11:10No, my mum says it as well. Really?
11:12I wonder where you got it from.
11:16I was at a wedding the other day, and there was an owl in the wedding.
11:21Was it with the bride or the groom?
11:24It was like an outdoor wedding.
11:26Like an outdoor wedding. So it was in the tree somewhere?
11:29No, Erin, let me finish!
11:31I wouldn't have said there was an owl at the wedding
11:34if he was just in a tree nearby.
11:36I don't include all the woodland creatures in the vicinity as guests.
11:41It was in a field, and there was a little marquee,
11:43and there were sandwiches and things and drinks and stuff,
11:45and then there was a welly-throwing thing,
11:47there was a crazy golf, and there was an owl tent.
11:51I don't think you were at a wedding, I think you were at a fete.
11:56I was not at a fete, I was at a wedding!
11:58There was an owl thing in between the welly-throwing and the...
12:01It was really badly placed.
12:03It was in between the welly-throwing and the coconut shite.
12:06But I found out, I learnt a load about owls,
12:08and I thought they're the coolest bird, I would love to be an owl.
12:10They turn their heads all the way around, right?
12:12Yeah, they can turn their heads.
12:13How far can they turn their head?
12:14Well, all the way.
12:16Imagine an owl just got round there and went,
12:18Oh, God!
12:20I thought it was only half way.
12:22No, they can turn them all the way round, 360.
12:24Kids keep going 360, like, 30 times, and then just go...
12:29In fact, you get their head and go...
12:34You can actually use them as a hand blender, can't you?
12:36You can.
12:40OK, back to the question, everyone.
12:42Have you got anything else that might draw us closer to whether we should evolve wings?
12:45Well, yeah, we're talking about evolution here,
12:47but there are people, of course, who don't wait for evolution.
12:49Take a look at this.
13:07APPLAUSE
13:13That's amazing, isn't it?
13:14That is amazing.
13:15Would you do that, Erin?
13:16I would love to do something like that, yeah.
13:18Would you? Would you do it?
13:19Yeah, I would.
13:20I'd be terrified.
13:22It's easy.
13:23You haven't done it.
13:24I do it all the time.
13:26There's only one man that does that all the time,
13:28and his name is Jeb Corliss,
13:29and he's the bass-jumping, like, amazing thing on YouTube.
13:31Yeah, I know.
13:32No, I know Jeb.
13:33Makes a big fuss, makes a big song.
13:36Have a look, OK?
13:37Jeb!
13:42Jeb.
13:46Quite like.
13:53I had no idea that you were into that wingsuit stuff.
13:56Yeah.
13:57It's not the trendiest wingsuit you've got there, though.
13:59No, it's not, is it?
14:00You'd think it'd been made in, what, I don't know,
14:02ten minutes before the show, wouldn't you?
14:04What have you got for us, Kay, about our life with wings,
14:07or getting us closer to an answer?
14:09OK, well, I think we need an expert on this one,
14:11and we've got an expert for you, Rod.
14:13We've got Dr Bill Sellers,
14:14and he is from the University of Manchester.
14:18Dr Bill Sellers, from the University of Manchester.
14:21Are you there?
14:22I am, hello.
14:23What can I do for you?
14:24Ah, you can do for us...
14:25You can solve some little debates that we're having in the studio here.
14:29Uh-huh.
14:30Firstly, will we, just to get straight down to the question,
14:33ever evolve wings?
14:35Um, the thing is, we probably aren't going to evolve anything at all.
14:39We're probably just going to die out,
14:40because that's what happens to most things.
14:43Thanks for being on the show.
14:44That's a very, uh...
14:45Merry Christmas to you, too, Doctor.
14:47That's a very rosy view of life you take there.
14:50If you're very, very lucky,
14:51then you're one of the successful species,
14:53and you might, what we call,
14:54adaptively radiate into all sorts of different things,
14:57and you get lots and lots of different sorts of offspring,
15:00lots of different types, you know,
15:01flying forms and swimming forms and burrowing forms.
15:04So your advice to me personally is,
15:06win the lottery, become very successful...
15:08Have lots of children.
15:09And then have lots of children,
15:10who are, some of them are reptiles,
15:11some of them are birds, some of them are fish,
15:13some of them are going to live in tunnels,
15:14others are herdless, that kind of thing, yeah?
15:16It's really, a lot of good luck has to go in your way
15:19for it to work that way.
15:20Can an owl rotate its head 360 degrees?
15:24Um, no.
15:26Yes, it can, Doctor, you just haven't seen it.
15:29About how much? About how much can it rotate?
15:31Well, you know, they can certainly rotate their heads
15:34far enough around so they can bite you
15:36if you're holding them at the back.
15:37So, you know, they're pretty good,
15:38but they can't go all the way around.
15:40About 270, would you say?
15:42Well, a bit more than 180, a bit less than 270.
15:45Is the swan the only bird with a penis?
15:48I don't know, I've not looked at all the birds' penises.
15:53Can we get all of these questions out?
15:54Is it acceptable to use an owl as a hand blender?
16:01Have you ever tried holding an owl?
16:03I haven't, no.
16:05I have, but not face down in a smoothie.
16:10Listen, Doctor, thanks very much for your time,
16:12I will take that as an answer, thank you.
16:20So, Zach and Todd, you asked if we would ever evolve to have wings
16:23and the answer is we are unlikely to.
16:25We could graft them on, apparently,
16:26but it wouldn't be very practical.
16:28Now, according to Darwin's theory of evolution,
16:31we came from a lava pool, we evolved into beetles,
16:33then we developed wings, then we married an unstable Georgie
16:36who took all our money.
16:38This isn't Darwin's theory of evolution,
16:40it's Paul McCartney's autobiography.
16:46Let's have a look, what have we got?
16:48Peter Andre.
16:50Let's have a look what Peter wants to know.
16:52Peter says, Rod, any idea whose CD this is?
16:54It's got my name on it but I don't remember buying it.
17:01That's you, that's you, Peter.
17:03What else have we got?
17:05Ooh!
17:08I was wondering when God was going to send in a question.
17:11God, what would you like to know?
17:13Is my son's birthday coming up?
17:15Tell me, if your child is born on Christmas Day,
17:17do you get them two sets of presents or just the one?
17:22There's two issues here.
17:24One is that when Jesus was born, it wasn't Christmas Day.
17:27Whoa, whoa, whoa!
17:29Are you saying Jesus wasn't born on Christmas Day?
17:32No, I'm saying the main point here is that Jesus was probably born in April or May.
17:35Whoa!
17:37The time of year that all of the things in the Bible story would have been happening,
17:41like shepherds having their flocks out
17:43and the configuration of the stars and the certain types of astrology
17:46would have put it around April or May.
17:50I did do a theology degree, yeah.
17:52Why would the shepherds not have had their flocks out?
17:54It's cold and nobody wasn't born in Bristol.
17:57You can't have Christmas in April or May.
17:59No.
18:00It'd be ridiculous.
18:01The clash is with Easter and Jesus.
18:05Let's try this. It's my son's birthday coming up,
18:07so tell me, if your child is born on Christmas Day,
18:09do you get them two sets of presents or one?
18:11Well, chill out, God. It's only November.
18:13You created the world in six days.
18:15I'm sure in 39 shopping days you'll be able to lay your hands on a tangerine
18:18in a tin of Quality Street.
18:20Now, before the show started,
18:21you at home had the chance to send questions in to me,
18:24so let's look at what you wanted to know.
18:27Who have we got?
18:28Ah!
18:29It's a couple called James and Kate McIntosh.
18:32Let's see what they want to know.
18:34Hello, Rod.
18:35We were watching the show last week
18:37and Kate laughed so hard that her waters broke,
18:39so thanks for getting this little fella to us a week early.
18:42So my question to you is,
18:44what are the most unusual methods of inducing labour
18:47that you've heard of?
18:50Any interesting inducement things in New Zealand, Erin?
18:53Is there any old wives' tales?
18:55No, I did hear somebody once say,
18:57squeeze her like she's a tube of toothpaste
19:00that's down at the top.
19:01What?
19:02I don't know.
19:03We're just having a conversation.
19:04That's what they do in New Zealand, to induce a birth.
19:06You literally start at the top of a woman's head
19:08and squeeze them all the way down.
19:10Roll her head down.
19:13I've heard of nipple stimulation.
19:18So have I, Lloyd.
19:19What's that got to do with this question?
19:25Nipple stimulation works,
19:27but you have to do it on the woman.
19:31What else have you heard of?
19:32A pineapple.
19:35I'll tell you what,
19:36someone once said,
19:38Pineapple.
19:41I'll tell you what.
19:42What do you do with it?
19:44There's an enzyme in pineapple called bromelain,
19:47which apparently softens the cervix
19:50and so makes giving birth even easier,
19:53but the problem is you need to eat seven pineapples.
20:04James and Kate,
20:05you asked what's the most unusual way to induce childbirth
20:07and I have randomly decided
20:08that it is to grab a lady by the head
20:10and roll her downwards like a tube of toothpaste
20:12while stimulating the nipples
20:13and applying the juice of seven pineapples.
20:17OK, now let's see what you, the studio audience, want to know.
20:21Who have we got?
20:23Er, oh!
20:25Gene Simmons from Kiss!
20:27Oh, no, it's some bloke with a beard pretending to be him.
20:29It's Brian McCart.
20:30Is Brian McCart in the audience today?
20:33Hello, Brian.
20:34Hiya.
20:35How are you?
20:36Good. What is your question, sir?
20:38If we can breed micro pigs and micro goats,
20:41can Science Evolved breed micro gorillas and micro elephants?
20:45If we can breed micro pigs and micro goats,
20:48can we breed micro gorillas and micro elephants?
20:51Yeah.
20:52Can you see what you can find out for us, Kate?
20:54Yeah, I will.
20:55Are you a micro pig fan, Erin?
20:57Not really.
20:58I mean, I wouldn't want a little pig at home,
21:00but I'd like a little gorilla,
21:01cos, you know, those little micro pigs,
21:03they're really tiny, aren't they?
21:05I have them in the house,
21:06and I think they even fit out of the cat flap.
21:09They're sort of small.
21:10But I'd like a little gorilla at home.
21:12So would I.
21:13I'd make him stand on top of the ketchup bottle,
21:15and I'd throw Airfix models at him and recreate it.
21:18King Kong.
21:20Are you a fan of the micro pig?
21:21Yes, I would like a micro pig.
21:22Are you? Would you like...
21:23No, you wouldn't like them? Why not?
21:25I don't think micro pigs exist.
21:27Yes, they do.
21:28What do you mean you don't think micro pigs exist?
21:30I keep reading all these stories in the newspapers
21:32where somebody goes,
21:33oh, I met this guy and he sold me a micro pig,
21:35and he was about this big, and he was brilliant,
21:37and then six weeks later, now it weighs two and a half tonnes,
21:40and it's smashed up my living room.
21:43You weren't sold a micro pig, you were sold a piglet.
21:47That's right, they do exist.
21:48We had the same argument with microchips the other day,
21:50and I showed you a box.
21:54OK, any information for us that might get us closer
21:57to an answer of whether we might be able to breed micro elephants
22:00and micro grizzlies?
22:01Well, breeding is quite a difficult thing, actually.
22:03Breeding is difficult?
22:04Yeah, it's hard enough at the best of times,
22:06as you will witness with this.
22:08Oh.
22:09Oh.
22:16Can we see that again?
22:25I hear you correctly say, or poor horse.
22:27No, I said, was that a cow or a horse?
22:29Because there was a horse, if you look back at it,
22:31there was actually a horse standing behind it.
22:33What, there's a horse watching?
22:34Where?
22:35No, wait, when it goes by you,
22:37you'll see a horse in the background.
22:39Where?
22:40Watch.
22:41Really sinister horse.
22:42Watch, watch, watch, hold on.
22:44Here it comes.
22:45Oh, yes!
22:48Anything else for us?
22:49Well, do you want the definitive on this?
22:50Well, yeah, why not?
22:51Yeah, we've got it.
22:52A zoologist, Professor William Amos,
22:54says that it would indeed be possible,
22:56but only if you took an isolated population of gorillas or elephants
23:00and somehow encouraged only the smallest individuals to breed.
23:04So, I mean, is it possible?
23:06It is, but it would take several hundred years of selection
23:09to cause this significant change in size.
23:15Well, that's nearly all the questions we've had sent in this series
23:18from all over the world,
23:19but it's time for one more literally out of this world.
23:23Who is it?
23:25It is Theodore on board the ISS,
23:29which is the International Space Station.
23:55Is that a micro pig floating by?
23:58Genuinely a question from the International Space Station.
24:01How exciting.
24:02That's Theodore.
24:03What do you think, Greg, what do we miss more, the sun or the moon?
24:05Well, obviously the sun.
24:07What do you mean, obviously?
24:08Well, the moon's rubbish, isn't it?
24:10Why is the moon rubbish?
24:11It affects two things, the tides.
24:13Who wants tides?
24:14People get drowned in tides.
24:15And moths.
24:16Who cares about moths?
24:17They're like stupid birds.
24:20I would happily press a button now
24:21and get rid of all moths and tides.
24:23Boop!
24:24And the moon.
24:25But aren't women meant to be governed by the moon?
24:28Fine.
24:29Boop!
24:37Which do you prefer, the sun or the moon?
24:39Which one do we miss more,
24:40which one's more important to the planet?
24:42Well, no, I have to go with Greg
24:44and sort of slightly grumpily say the moon.
24:48I have to grumpily say, well, the sun, obviously.
24:51But still, the moon has a certain...
24:54Has a certain what?
24:55Has a certain charm, doesn't it?
24:57And I do go a bit funny on full moons as well.
25:00I sleep very badly when it's a full moon.
25:02So maybe in that sense, maybe I would prefer the moon to go.
25:05But I do always have a very...
25:06You sleep very badly in a full moon?
25:08Yes.
25:09You thought about getting a roof?
25:12I do go with that, though.
25:14I do think the moon is more powerful than...
25:17When I was teaching,
25:18I didn't realise how badly a full moon would affect kids.
25:20It makes them go loopy.
25:22It's a lunatic, isn't it?
25:23That's what a lunatic is.
25:25And criminal activity increases when there's a full moon as well.
25:28Oh, it does.
25:29I have to back Katie up on this.
25:30Research by Sussex Police showed that a correlation
25:32between the full moon and a rise in crime...
25:34Of course there's more crime in that,
25:36but it's not because there's anything mysterious
25:38or because it's the moon having its unusual effects.
25:40It's simply because criminals have got the good sense
25:42to go out when they can see.
25:44You try mugging somebody in the pitch dark,
25:46you tip out your loot and you go,
25:47look at this, a bonsai tree, a couple of receipts
25:49and a bit of dog food.
25:51Back to the question.
25:52Sun or the moon?
25:53I think the moon itself is probably pretty depressed, isn't it?
25:56It's certainly got a dark side.
26:00Have you got any facts for us, Kate,
26:01that might take us closer to an answer?
26:03It's true to say the sun is extremely powerful,
26:05but you do have to remember that the moon
26:07can still blot it out in a total eclipse.
26:09Take a look at this.
26:16Look at that!
26:17Look at that!
26:40Look at that!
26:42It's the most incredible thing I've ever seen, actually.
26:50Have you ever seen...
26:51Aren't there irregular occurrences down your way, aren't there?
26:53They're not regular, it's just...
26:54Well, I say regular, I mean...
26:55There are certain places you see them, aren't there?
26:58I don't know, I can't work it out.
26:59Aren't you supposed to look through a little bit of paper
27:01with a hole in it?
27:02Yeah.
27:03Yes, yes, I've heard that.
27:04You'll get blinded if you do that.
27:05They give you special glasses.
27:06Yeah, to do it, I admit.
27:08Aren't you supposed to make a hole and then look through that?
27:11No.
27:12You make a hole in a bit of paper,
27:14put it up to the sun,
27:15and then put another bit of paper behind the hole.
27:18Oh, yeah, that's it.
27:19Oh, is that what you're supposed to do?
27:21Yeah, I just went...
27:22Literally, just went like that.
27:27Really?
27:28Yes.
27:29I thought that's what you did.
27:30I told loads of people to do it.
27:32You go and look at the sun with your naked eye,
27:34then how is making a hole in a bit of paper
27:37Well, I know, I didn't understand it myself.
27:41What else have you got for us, Kate?
27:42Well, I've got some more facts about the sun here.
27:44It takes eight minutes for the light from the sun to get to Earth,
27:47travelling at 700 million miles an hour.
27:49If the sun were to disappear,
27:50we would only have eight minutes of sunlight left.
27:53What would you do?
27:54Eight minutes of sunlight left.
27:55At seven minutes and 59 seconds, I'd do this.
27:58Hey, everyone, watch this.
28:00I tell you what, the...
28:02Talking of the sun and stuff,
28:03did you see those two blokes who were trying to cool the Earth down
28:08because of climate change and stuff?
28:10By getting spray from waves and foam,
28:12and then they were firing that up into the clouds in rockets.
28:15Two of them.
28:16And then that would make the clouds shinier,
28:18and then the sun's rays would bounce back up,
28:20and then the clouds would be shiny again.
28:22And then they'd be like,
28:23and then they'd be like,
28:24and then they'd be like,
28:25and then they'd be like,
28:26and then they'd be like,
28:27and then the sun's rays would bounce back up,
28:29and it would keep the Earth cool.
28:30Yeah, but wouldn't you just make the sun hotter?
28:32You can't make the sun hotter, it's the sun.
28:34It's already boiling.
28:35It's already boiling.
28:38You can't get the sun any hotter than it is.
28:40It could get hotter than boiling, couldn't it?
28:42How is it going to get hotter than boiling?
28:43Well, I went on holiday to Egypt,
28:45on the first day it was boiling,
28:46on the second day it was hotter, it was scorching.
28:52Well, I mean, it is apparently believed
28:54that the moon is responsible for why we humans exist on Earth.
28:57However, now that we don't need it so much,
28:59the sun, like the moon, can cause tides.
29:01On the flip side, if the sun were to disappear,
29:03we would be plunged into darkness,
29:05and the Earth's temperature would drop to below zero Fahrenheit in a week,
29:08and all the plants and the living organisms would be unable to survive.
29:12So that's our answer?
29:14That's your answer.
29:15Oh!
29:21So, Theodore, you asked which did we miss more,
29:23the sun or the moon, and the answer is the sun.
29:26As it's nearly the end of the series,
29:28let's take one more question.
29:30Who have we got?
29:32Let's have a look.
29:34Ah, it's Jeff Goldblum.
29:36Let's have a question from Jeff.
29:41Hi, Ron. It's Jeff Goldblum here.
29:43I've been watching the show for seven weeks now,
29:45and frankly, I'm sick of seeing Lloyd getting stitched up.
29:48What I want to know is, when's that grotesque,
29:50critically obese, swamp-toothed Greg going to get his comeuppance?
29:57Jeff Goldblum.
29:58Good question from Jeff Goldblum there.
30:00What do you reckon, Lloyd?
30:01I think Jeff makes a fair point.
30:03So do I.
30:04I think Jeff makes a fair point as well, Greg.
30:06You've got away pretty cleanly off this series so far,
30:08if I remember rightly, if I cast my mind back over all seven shows.
30:11I wasn't victimising Lloyd for any of that.
30:13It's in the name of science.
30:15Well, maybe in the name of science,
30:17some serious experiment should be conducted on you.
30:19Oh, God.
30:20Greg, off you go.
30:31Ladies and gentlemen, this week's experiment,
30:33Greg is going to see what life is like without the sun.
30:37Right.
30:38Greg, you're on an exercise bike
30:40and you might have thought that without the sun,
30:42you might A, get cold,
30:43and B, you might need to generate your own electricity.
30:46So I think you should start pedalling.
30:48Right.
30:49And I should let you know,
30:50if we think that you're not pedalling fast enough
30:52and the temperature drops,
30:53then you will feel a temperature drop.
30:55Of course, if the sun disappeared,
30:57Lloyd, who's holding an eye mask,
30:59it would be dark.
31:00Oh, yeah.
31:01Pop that on.
31:02Of course it would.
31:03I imagine you haven't started pedalling enough yet, Greg.
31:05I imagine the temperature would already be dropping now.
31:07All right, I'm pedalling.
31:08Pedal, pedal to keep yourself awake.
31:09I imagine you're not pedalling fast enough.
31:10Lloyd, make the temperature drop, will you please?
31:12Just quickly get out of the place.
31:14Oh, Greg, you've stopped pedalling.
31:17You've stopped pedalling, Greg.
31:19You don't want to do that.
31:20You want to keep it going, I would.
31:21Keep it going.
31:22I imagine that without the sun for a little,
31:24any length of time,
31:25his pigmentation would start to disappear, wouldn't it, Lloyd?
31:28Wouldn't he start to get very pasty, I imagine?
31:30Let's see what Greg might look like.
31:32Oh, he has gone very pasty.
31:35Keep pedalling, Greg.
31:37I imagine people would start to use some kind of fake tan, wouldn't they?
31:41They're bound to, quickly.
31:42Let's get some fake tan.
31:43He looks very peaky at the moment.
31:47He seems to have stopped pedalling again, Lloyd.
31:49The temperature might be dropping again.
31:51The temperature might be dropping again.
31:53I imagine, I imagine that a world without the sun as well,
31:57that night animals would be running riot.
31:59Urban foxes would be going through our rubbish.
32:01I imagine there'd be bin bags full of rubbish going everywhere,
32:04wouldn't there, Lloyd?
32:06Urban foxes.
32:08Oh, it would be awful.
32:10Keep pedalling, Greg.
32:12Keep pedalling.
32:14I imagine, Lloyd, as well,
32:15would it be very difficult to find food?
32:17There'd probably be only tin food available, wouldn't there?
32:20Only tin food, I imagine.
32:22Let's get some nice tin food.
32:26Oh, don't tell me that in the darkness,
32:29Greg has picked up dog food by mistake.
32:32He has!
32:33Oh, but he's...
32:34That's ridiculous!
32:35Lloyd, have you got anything there that might take the taste away
32:38of that horrible dog food?
32:39Is there anything you can lay your hands on
32:41that might keep Greg warm at the same time as taking the taste away?
32:45That better not have been dog food, genuinely.
32:47Look, look what we've found hanging over from show four.
32:51Do you have to remember show four, Greg,
32:53when you fed Lloyd some tin?
32:54Try this.
32:55Oh, no!
32:56Try that.
32:58Have a good old bite of that.
32:59Have a good old bite of that.
33:00And he stopped pedalling again.
33:01Oh, no!
33:02He stopped pedalling.
33:03Oh, no!
33:10I'm pedalling!
33:11Pete!
33:14Oh, no!
33:17I imagine...
33:18Oh, my God!
33:20Did you not enjoy the chilli from show four, Greg?
33:23Oh, my God!
33:25You seemed a lot happier when you fed that to Lloyd.
33:27With the ice.
33:29Listen, I imagine, Lloyd,
33:30cos if... Would Greg be the only person left?
33:32He'd have to keep the human race going, wouldn't he?
33:34He'd have to try and reproduce with whoever was around.
33:37I imagine, with the sun gone and everybody dead,
33:40it's probably you and only the strongest, fittest people would survive,
33:43isn't it, Lloyd?
33:44That's entirely true.
33:45I'm afraid to let you know, Greg,
33:46that the only other person left alive is Glenn Ross,
33:49Britain's current strongest man.
33:52Oh, no!
33:53Oh, no, Greg!
33:54Oh, Greg!
33:55It seems that you and Greg are...
33:57Oh, no!
33:58Oh, no!
33:59Oh, no!
34:01Oh, no!
34:02Oh, no!
34:03Oh, no!
34:04Oh, no!
34:05Oh, no!
34:06Oh, no!
34:07Oh, no!
34:08Oh, no!
34:10Oh, no!
34:11Oh, no!
34:12Oh, no!
34:13Oh, no!
34:14Oh, no!
34:15Oh, no!
34:18Well, that's pretty much it for tonight,
34:20and indeed for the whole series,
34:21so, people of Britain, thank you for watching,
34:23and thank you tonight to Erin Ball,
34:27Katie Brann,
34:31Greg Davies,
34:35my flatmate Lloyd,
34:38our authenticator Kay Adams,
34:42and UK's strongest man and Greg's newfound love,
34:45Glenn Ross!
34:48I am Rod Gilbert,
34:50and you can ask me literally anything.
34:52Good night.
35:17Thank you.