First broadcast 21st September 2011.
Rhod Gilbert
Greg Davies
Lloyd Langford
Jo Whiley
Phill Jupitus
Kimberly Wyatt
David Hasselhoff
Tinie Tempah
Rhod Gilbert
Greg Davies
Lloyd Langford
Jo Whiley
Phill Jupitus
Kimberly Wyatt
David Hasselhoff
Tinie Tempah
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:06Tonight on Ask Rod Gilbert, our special guests are...
00:10She's No Pussycat, it's Kimberly Wyatt.
00:14And comedy legend, Phil Jupitus.
00:18They're here every week.
00:19Greg Davies and Lloyd Langford.
00:22Ladies and gentlemen, it's Ask Rod Gilbert.
00:27Hello, welcome. Yes, my name is Rod Gilbert,
00:29and tonight my job is to find the answers to the questions that keep us all awake at night.
00:33Some questions can be insensitive, like,
00:35Gran, is it really worth you wasting all that money on a bag for life?
00:41Some questions go to the heart of who we are as human beings.
00:44Questions like, when did we decide that it was OK to make fish give us pedicures?
00:49What are we going to do next, force crows to trim our nasal hair?
00:54Backsack and crackser?
00:55Certainly, I'll just dip this Jack Russell in hot wax and we're ready to go.
01:00People make all sorts of excuses.
01:02Oh, don't worry, it's what the fish do in the wild.
01:04What, foot treatments?
01:06Are you telling me Jaws wasn't a hunting machine at all,
01:09he was just a really clumsy beautician?
01:12I'm not coming here again, love.
01:13I asked him to do my bunions,
01:14and he took my leg off at the knee and at my surfboard.
01:17So what if they do it in the wild?
01:19My dog sniffs other dogs' bottoms in the wild.
01:20It doesn't mean I should employ him to check if my pants will go another day.
01:26We should stop using fish as a tool.
01:28Stop using fish like this.
01:30We already eat them,
01:30give them to anyone who can throw a ping-pong ball into a jar,
01:33and nail them to the wall and make them sing Don't Worry, Be Happy.
01:37Do they really have to work full-time in beauty salons as well?
01:39I know most of the women who work in there are bright orange with a three-second memory,
01:42but that's hardly the point, is it?
01:45Anyway, on with the show.
01:49In a world full of ambiguity,
01:51we need someone with credibility to help us find the answers to our questions.
01:54As always, we begin by asking, who is tonight's authenticator?
01:58We'll need the courage he showed on 80s TV sensation Knight Rider.
02:05He'll need the same vim and vigour he had when he was a star of Baywatch.
02:16We'll need all the diplomacy and tact he used as a judge on Britain's Got Talent.
02:26Yes, that's right.
02:27Tonight's authenticator is actor, TV megastar,
02:29and camp commandant of German disco pop, it's David Hasselhoff.
02:48Thank you.
02:52Wow.
02:54Thank you.
02:56Why is there a bird over here?
03:00Just your magnetism, I think, David.
03:03How are you going to help us tonight?
03:05Tonight, I am the authenticator.
03:07I will be providing you and the panel with all the information you need
03:12to answer tonight's questions.
03:15Wonderful.
03:15And when I think we have an answer, I will do this.
03:20So, what have you learned this week, Phil?
03:22I learned how to eat oysters properly.
03:25Because when I used to go to the restaurants,
03:26I used to do what the sea otters did.
03:27I used to put them on my stomach and get a brick and just go bang, bang, bang.
03:31And that got me thrown out of some of the finest seafood restaurants in the whole country.
03:35Kimberly, have you learned anything this week?
03:37I honestly learned something so magnificent, it blew my mind.
03:42Wow.
03:43A whale was once a land-dwelling creature with four legs.
03:49And it evolved into a whale.
03:52I don't know how to break this to you.
03:55I don't think a whale was just walking along one day and its legs fell off, though.
03:59No, no, it happened over millions of years, but...
04:02No, I think there was a period when whales were on bricks.
04:08Let's crack on.
04:09So, let's find out who wants to know what.
04:11Who have we got this evening?
04:14I like Marty Freeman.
04:15Oh, look at that.
04:16That is Hugh...
04:17Have you met Hugh?
04:18Hugh Hough, have you met?
04:20Yeah, Hugh Hough.
04:21Yeah, yes, I have.
04:23He was instrumental in bringing me a few girls to Baywatch, like Pamela Anderson.
04:27Did he?
04:28Yes.
04:28What, you rang him up and you said, hey, Hef, it's the Hough.
04:33Let's find out what Hef wants to know.
04:36Hefner says, do you think I'm too old for all this?
04:40Oh, I don't know Hugh, but I think you've misunderstood the meaning of the word earmuffs.
04:47Who else have we got?
04:48Oh, it's David Beckham, he's friend of the show.
04:50Friend of the last series, David Beckham.
04:53Rod, how come there are so many different shapes of pasta, but only one shape of rice?
05:06Let's see what's next.
05:07Ah, it's time for round one, which is The World Asks.
05:13Let's see who wants to know what.
05:15Ah, it's the Moulin Rouge.
05:17Ooh la la.
05:21Bonjour from Paris, Rod.
05:23Here at the Moulin Rouge, we girls are curious to know what's more intelligent, a baby or a dog?
05:34Lloyd, baby or a dog, which is more intelligent?
05:37Okay.
05:37I think a dog is easily more intelligent than a baby.
05:40Do you?
05:41Yeah.
05:42Dogs have gone into space and babies...
05:51I can't see.
05:54By that rationale, bottles of water are more intelligent than babies.
05:58Kimberly, what do you think, a dog or a baby is more intelligent?
06:00I think a dog.
06:01Do you?
06:02You can teach a dog to sit, but you can't exactly teach a baby to sit until they're a bit older.
06:07The one thing I'll say in favour of babies is they...
06:09What, you've only got one thing in favour of babies?
06:11Maybe you're not ready for kids, Lloyd.
06:14They can breathe underwater, can't they?
06:16Yeah.
06:17No, no, no.
06:19They can't.
06:20No, they can't.
06:20They can't.
06:21No, they can't breathe underwater.
06:24They can.
06:25Of course they can breathe underwater.
06:26Lots of babies are born underwater.
06:28That's a birth pool.
06:29No, they can't breathe underwater.
06:32Kimberly, they can breathe underwater.
06:33They can't breathe underwater.
06:35Haven't you seen birthing pools where babies come out and...
06:37Have you seen the cover of that Nirvana album?
06:39But they're not breathing down there.
06:42Babies, babies have a...
06:44They have a reflex that they hold their breath when you throw them in water.
06:47No, they can breathe...
06:47They haven't got gills.
06:50You blow on their face and then dunk them and they hold their breath.
06:52They can only breathe underwater for like five or ten minutes, any longer than that.
06:58And they lose that ability after...
07:00It's like, you know, like babies have got no knees.
07:03I'm sorry, they don't come out with totally straight legs.
07:08They have knees.
07:09There is a joint.
07:09Tentacles.
07:10They don't have knee caps.
07:11You said babies are just like meat slinkies.
07:14Back me up. Babies have no knee caps.
07:17Do babies have knee caps?
07:18Although it doesn't show up on x-rays, your baby does in fact have knee caps.
07:23Booyah!
07:34The fact is, they can breathe underwater for a while.
07:36Right, they can.
07:37They can't, they can't.
07:39I'm sorry, but let me make it very clear to you, a baby can breathe underwater.
07:43A baby cannot breathe underwater for whatever the smallest part of a second is.
07:48Please, people at home, do not experiment with your babies
07:52using them to lift cars and then plunging them into swimming pools for half an hour.
07:57If put underwater, babies will open their eyes and hold their breath
08:00in an inbuilt response known as a mammalian dive reflex.
08:05Except for babies in Wales, which have gills.
08:10That is so racist.
08:14Yes.
08:14You got another fact for us?
08:15How about this?
08:16A dog called the Hoff saved his sleeping owner from a house ablaze.
08:22The Staffordshire Bull Terrier, named after Baywatch star David Hasselhoff,
08:26that's me, woke his owner up, then led him to safety from his smoke-filled ground floor flat.
08:34But you've, uh, you've got dogs, haven't you?
08:35Or you did have dogs?
08:36Yeah, yeah, I have seven dogs.
08:38Huh?
08:39Well, yeah, I rescue dogs a lot.
08:41In a Baywatch kind of way?
08:42You run into the sea?
08:44I support a rescue foundation for dogs and I end up taking most of them home.
08:47We've got a picture of you with some of your dogs.
08:49Oh, you do?
08:50Yeah.
08:51Oh.
08:53I'm very close to those dogs.
08:56What exactly were you doing when you rescued those dogs?
09:01As you can see, I did need two dogs for that shot.
09:06Is that a giant schnozer?
09:09Uh, Eddie, um...
09:11We'd have to move the dog out the way.
09:14I think it's an American man-stiff.
09:24Who thinks that a baby's more intelligent than a dog?
09:26Hands up on that panel.
09:28Do you reckon you're more intelligent than a dog?
09:30Yes, of course I'm more intelligent than a dog.
09:32Would you reckon you could beat a dog in, like, uh,
09:35blockbusters or Countdown or a daytime quiz?
09:37The only thing I couldn't beat a dog at is herding sheep, Rob.
09:41Okay, well, do you want to take on a dog today?
09:44I know, before I've even done this, that this is going to be some sort of setup.
09:47But yes, I do think I'm brighter than a dog and I could take them on in any game.
09:50Let's get Jess in, our dog.
09:57That's Jess, who's your challenger.
10:00This is handled by David.
10:01Is this... look at that.
10:02I don't see that.
10:03There's no way you could have responded as quickly to anything.
10:06Are you confident that he can beat, uh, Greg?
10:09Jess, do you think you can beat him?
10:10Oh, no, no, no.
10:11It's warming up.
10:13Was that twice for yes?
10:14That was confidence, yes.
10:15That was confidence.
10:16He even limbered up.
10:17You'd better look out, Greg.
10:32Jess, is he going to get going?
10:33All right, Greg, out you go to Doctionary Corner.
10:34You can take on, uh, take on Jess.
10:36You've each got some, uh...
10:41Just to check, Rod, uh, this is entirely random, this collection of letters, yeah?
10:45Entirely random.
10:46We've plucked them out of a bag of letters.
10:48This is in no way set up for me to fail.
10:50No.
10:51Okay, that's... well, I believe you.
10:53Are you ready, Greg?
10:54Yes, I'm ready.
10:55Are you ready, Jess?
10:57Start the clock.
10:59What?
11:03Well, this is ridiculous.
11:06I'd speed up if I was you, pal.
11:10You know full well there's only one word I can make.
11:13Well, no, there's no other...
11:16Of course there is!
11:16That's what I never said.
11:18You can always make things a bit...
11:20Well...
11:22Jesus!
11:30Contenders, okay, if you'd stop there.
11:31Greg, what have you got?
11:32If you'd read out your word, please.
11:34Surprisingly, I was only able to make the word dog out of all my letters.
11:37You could have had god, it was there.
11:41This might be tricky.
11:42What is it, Jess?
11:45Oh, a visual clue.
11:46Fatso!
11:47So, I'm announcing that Jess has won with five letters.
11:52Fatso is fatso in the... over in Dogtionary Corner.
11:56Well, Rod, I'm glad you asked me.
11:58The word fatso is in the dictionary.
12:00In fact, it's just a photo of Greg.
12:06Fatso.
12:08So, Jess is the winner and Greg has been beaten by a dog.
12:11Yes, ladies and gentlemen.
12:13So, David, have we... have we an answer, David?
12:18Which is more intelligent, a baby or a dog?
12:20We actually have someone on the phone who can help us.
12:24His name is Dr. Stanley Coren from the Department of Psychology
12:27at the University of British Columbia.
12:29Hello, Dr. Stanley Coren.
12:31I'm here.
12:32Hi.
12:33Greetings from Vancouver.
12:34Are you well?
12:35Am I well?
12:36I'm fat and sassy.
12:39Oh, I'm sorry, you're fat and sassy?
12:43Have we got the wrong number?
12:46Dr. Coren, what can you tell us about which is more intelligent, a baby?
12:51The panel was split here between some people who think it's clearly a baby
12:54and others who think it's clearly a dog.
12:57Well, it depends on the age of the baby.
12:59Let's say it was a six-month-old baby versus an adult dog.
13:04Then the dog is smarter.
13:06The data says that a dog is roughly equivalent to a human two-year-old.
13:13It's equivalent to a two-year-old?
13:15Yeah.
13:17My two-year-old niece can say, hello, Uncle Greg.
13:21And my dog Rex, just before he died when he was 14, still had only managed...
13:30Well, it's just he speaks a different language.
13:36Can you just sum it up for us, sort of efficiently?
13:40A dog versus a baby.
13:41A dog is the equivalent to a two-year-old baby.
13:45That's right.
13:45He's more intelligent than a one-year-old, not as intelligent as a four-year-old.
13:49This is mathematics.
13:50I'm going to take that as an answer.
13:51Thank you very much, Dr. Coren, for joining us.
13:53Thank you, that was fascinating.
14:01So, girls of the Moulin Rouge, the answer is a dog.
14:03And like a baby, they can catch a frisbee,
14:05suckle at their mother's teat without help,
14:07and go outside to go to the toilet.
14:09Mind you, Greg can do some of those things as well.
14:11Watch this.
14:28I'm going to award that round to Lloyd, I think, was most helpful there.
14:32Well done, Lloyd.
14:39Let's find out who else has a question for us.
14:43Katy Perry.
14:44Lloyd nearly got married to Katy Perry.
14:46How did that happen, Lloyd? Tell us the story.
14:48Because of that horrible, massive black wart she has on her chin.
14:58Let's see what Jamie Oliver wants to find out.
15:01Rod, do you like trying new recipes?
15:04Well, Jamie, the answer is not really.
15:06I find cooking a bit like sex.
15:08It's safer to stick to the stuff I know I can do.
15:10The last time I tried something new in the bedroom,
15:12I invalidated the warranty on my George Foreman grill.
15:18My girlfriend ended up calling the pizza delivery guy
15:20to get what she really wanted.
15:22Lady Gaga.
15:23Kim Jong...
15:27Friend of the show, Kim Jong-il.
15:30Kim Jong is happy.
15:31Kim Jong is happy.
15:32Rod, do you think it's time to get a new cotton bud?
15:38Oh, it's a famous face asks.
15:42Let's see who we've got.
15:44And it is Tiny Temper.
15:46How you doing, Rod?
15:47As a rapper, I have a lot of questions for you.
15:50How you doing, Rod?
15:51As a rapper, I use a lot of words in my job.
15:53So my question for you is, how many words do we need?
15:57How many words do you need?
15:58David, can you see what you can find out?
16:01OK, let's see.
16:03How many words do we need?
16:05Kimberly, how many words do you use in total?
16:09To the nearest five.
16:13My guesstimate would be maybe 800.
16:18800?
16:19How many words do you reckon we use, sir?
16:21Right, you need food.
16:22You need to not be beaten up.
16:24So you need please, no, stop doing that, longer, food.
16:30How many is that?
16:31Five.
16:34We don't need as many as you think, is what I'm saying.
16:36What word do you find most annoying, Kimberly?
16:39If you could get rid of one word from the dictionary,
16:41what would you get rid of?
16:42Fanny.
16:45And this is why...
16:46I don't think anyone was expecting that.
16:49It doesn't...
16:50Somebody, get somebody to the hop.
16:51It needs resuscitating.
17:00Somebody revive the hop.
17:03Get the jump, please.
17:03No, I was on High Street shopping
17:05and was going to all these different stores
17:07asking for a fanny pack.
17:08And everybody kept laughing at me, every single store.
17:11Finally, somebody finally told me what fanny means over here
17:14and it's nothing I was ever taught in the States.
17:18Of the information, how many words?
17:19How about 45,437 new words of meetings
17:24were added to the latest revision
17:26of the Oxford English Dictionary,
17:28including the heart symbol.
17:30According to the Global Language Monitor,
17:32a new word is created every 98 minutes,
17:36making it 14.7 words per day.
17:39It's kind of sad about that last word, never gets finished.
17:4314.7 words a day.
17:47There's one word that's never a...
17:51It's sad.
17:53A heart symbol isn't a word, is it?
17:55You can't say a heart symbol.
17:57You just did, I think.
18:00You just said it.
18:01I wouldn't say, I heart symbol you off.
18:05And I most certainly do.
18:08Well, no, it'd be like, because when Prince
18:10changed his name to that squiggle,
18:12he was the artist formerly known as Prince.
18:14So it would be, I, the word formerly known as love, you.
18:19Yeah, but we as the public,
18:20when he changed his name to a symbol,
18:22just created a word in its place, didn't we?
18:24Twat.
18:27What do you reckon, Lloyd?
18:28Too many, are we using too many words?
18:31I don't think we're using too many words.
18:33We, there are new words come out every week, don't they?
18:38Not in Wales.
18:40That's an English thing.
18:42English, once a new thing is developed,
18:44you come up with a new word for it.
18:46In Welsh, we just employ old words.
18:48Again, we just recycle them.
18:50Like, here's an example, right?
18:52Microwave.
18:52When the microwave came along in English,
18:54you invented pretty much a new word, microwave.
18:56Whereas in Welsh, we called it popty ping.
19:02It's true.
19:03Popty means oven.
19:04Microwave in Welsh is popty ping.
19:06Ping oven.
19:07But with Welsh, it's more about intonation, isn't it?
19:09There's so many meanings.
19:10It's like, okay.
19:12Allo.
19:15Allo.
19:17Yeah, you're right, you're right.
19:19Allo.
19:21You could do that in French.
19:23Le pompomousse.
19:25Le pompomousse.
19:27I can be angry about grapefruit.
19:31I think we can start culling words.
19:33That's my theory.
19:33If they haven't been used for three months, get rid of them.
19:37I think so too.
19:38Yeah, what?
19:38I think there's a difference between need and want as well.
19:41I think we could get away with possibly three.
19:45Hi, yes, and no.
19:46Hi for politeness.
19:48Yes and no for life.
19:49Quite limited conversations you'd have though.
19:51It's true, but need is a whole different word than want.
19:54Yeah, but Kimberly, if you go to Wales and you hear those three words, hi.
19:59Yes.
20:01No.
20:03You don't need, for example, fruit.
20:05You just, you don't need all different words for a mandarin, a satsuma, and a clementine.
20:08Nobody knows the difference.
20:09There is no difference.
20:10No, it's true.
20:11Nobody knows the difference.
20:12Do you know, do you know, Kimberly?
20:14What's the difference between a satsuma, a clementine, and a tangerine?
20:18They taste different.
20:20Do they?
20:21Yes.
20:22Okay, in that case, those three are fine.
20:25What about a patty and a burger?
20:27A patty and a burger.
20:27Don't say they taste different.
20:29They don't.
20:29It's two words for the same thing.
20:31Yeah, but what about women called party?
20:33I just wanted to briefly mention lol, because everybody knows what lol means in the world,
20:41apart from my mum, who thinks that lol means lots of love.
20:45I did.
20:46So she'll text me and say, your dad's not feeling very well today, lol.
20:53Hoff, have you got any more?
20:55There are many words that have become obsolete.
21:00Hoff, are you struggling to balance in that thing?
21:03We can get you a pole if you need help.
21:05I'm getting, yes, I'm balanced.
21:07There are many words that have become obsolete.
21:09Some of them are quite unusual.
21:11Do you want to guess what these ones mean?
21:14Go on then, Hoff.
21:14Give us a word.
21:15Oh, we got, there we are.
21:15Dolly mop.
21:17I think that's what happened to that, uh, cloned sheep after it died.
21:28You won't know about the cloned, uh, the cloned sheep.
21:30Isn't it someone who, isn't it someone who follows, uh, Dolly Parton around,
21:33in case she has one of her little accidents?
21:37Kimberly, any ideas what a dolly mop might have meant before it became obsolete?
21:41A mop on wheels.
21:43Bizarrely, yours is the oddest suggestion.
21:47Does this thing exist, a mop on wheels?
21:48A dolly exists and a mop exists.
21:50I'm just trying to figure out how the two exist together.
21:52What's a dolly in America?
21:53Is it not a kid's doll?
21:54Well, it can be, but a dolly is also a metal thing that you use for stuff that's really hard to lift.
22:00You put really heavy boxes on.
22:01All right.
22:01You tip it back.
22:02Does it have a different word here?
22:03Did you used to work in a warehouse before pushing out dolls?
22:05Exactly, with my family.
22:08Did you?
22:08Yeah.
22:09All right.
22:13Hoff, what have we got for dolly?
22:14The answer is...
22:18A part-time prostitute.
22:20It's not.
22:22Wouldn't it be terrible if, like, the clock went off and you were like,
22:24right, let's make this.
22:25Yeah, that's it, yeah.
22:27Next.
22:28Yeah, let's have another one, yeah.
22:29Soap gadget.
22:32Does that phrase exist in America?
22:34I have never heard of that phrase.
22:36It's obsolete, that's why.
22:38Any guesses?
22:39My guess would be something that happens in prison.
22:46The answer is...
22:48One who faked leprosy by putting thick soap on his skin.
22:53Why would you fake leprosy, David?
22:55I don't know, but they can never win a poker because they always throw in their hand.
22:59Boom!
23:08Hoff, are we any closer to finding an answer?
23:10I found the answer for you.
23:13According to Jim Dollar from the Basic English Institute,
23:17we need just 500 words or sound combinations to have a language between a closed group of people.
23:26But to get along in a normal everyday living with the general public, you need 850.
23:33Pretty close.
23:33I'm going to take that as an answer.
23:41And I'm going to award that round to Kimberley, because you were damn close.
23:44What did you say?
23:45800.
23:46And it was 850.
23:47I just pulled it from the sky.
23:49Wow.
23:49Wow.
23:55Remarkable.
23:56Remarkable.
23:57So, Tiny Temper, you asked how many words we need, and the answer is about 850.
24:05Next up, it's my quickfire round, the audience asks.
24:09I'm going to try and get through as many questions from the audience as I can before we hear this noise.
24:13For our quickfire round, there's no answer button.
24:20We're just going to use this little bell.
24:23So, who have we got first?
24:26Anthony McNeil.
24:26Anthony McNeil, where are you?
24:28Quick.
24:28It's my quickfire round.
24:29Quick.
24:29Get on with it.
24:29What is it?
24:30My question is, can fish get depressed?
24:34It's supposed to be a quickfire round.
24:35Are we going to answer that quickly?
24:36Can fish get depressed?
24:37Hoff, what do you think?
24:39Yes.
24:40Yes, because they're always wet.
24:43There's your answer.
24:44Yes, they can.
24:47James Tindley, where are you?
24:48Is it true that humans have an inbuilt homing mechanism, so you always know where your home is?
24:54No, it's got an address.
25:00There you go.
25:03Dale Pritchard, where are you, Dale?
25:05Do you ever get annoyed at folk at cash machines that seem to have about three or four cards
25:09and not a clue how to use them?
25:11Do we ever get annoyed at cash points with people who have three or four cards
25:13and don't know how to use them?
25:15Yeah, I did once see a guy with a queen of spades, just...
25:20Do you still go to ATMs, Hoff, yourself?
25:22I'm the person up there with the three, four cards.
25:25Are you?
25:26I still can't figure it out.
25:28Hoff's in the machine.
25:28How much money would you like?
25:32It'll have to be an even figure.
25:3540 or 60, not 50.
25:37I only have 20.
25:41Do we get annoyed with people at cash points?
25:44Yes, we do.
25:45Yes, we do, Dale.
25:45Who's next?
25:46Alistair Grant, where are you, Alistair?
25:47Quick, right.
25:48Yes, what do you want?
25:49Who invented the cocktail umbrella and why did they do it?
25:52It's supposed to be a quick find.
25:54Who invented the cocktail umbrella?
25:56Did they do it so that the ice doesn't melt as fast?
25:59Yeah, it shades the sun.
26:00It shades the sun.
26:01Yeah.
26:01Right.
26:02That's it.
26:03So, obviously, people from sunny countries know these things.
26:07You wouldn't know, Scottish.
26:08No wonder you didn't know, fair enough.
26:09Who was Gordon Hamilton?
26:11Why are carrots orange?
26:14I know the answer to this.
26:15Go on.
26:17In the 16th century, the Dutch were obsessed with orange.
26:23I think the political, or the monarchy is the House of Orange.
26:27Specifically, an aggressively bred orange carrot, to the exclusion...
26:31How do you aggressively breed a carrot?
26:33Right.
26:36Right.
26:45Greg, I'm not sure that would produce a carrot.
26:50Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
26:52My God.
26:54We never found out.
26:56We are out of time.
26:58That noise, that delightful sound meant we are out of time.
27:02I'm going to award that round to Phil.
27:06Let's see what we've got next.
27:11Oh, it's our special guest asks.
27:13Kimberly, do you have a question for us tonight?
27:16I do.
27:18You know, as a dancer, I do have to watch everything that I eat,
27:21what I eat, but I want to know what food is most likely to kill me.
27:25A live tiger.
27:28Buzz, not a food.
27:30Yeah, it's a food.
27:30You can eat anything.
27:31You can't eat a live tiger.
27:32You can try and eat a live tiger.
27:34He'll get you first.
27:35It might be only self-defense, but he'll get you.
27:37Yeah, I might get his tail off, I'll tell you that.
27:39You would not get an eat a tiger's tail off before he got you.
27:42I think I would be able to eat a tiger's tail off before it got me.
27:44Let's bring in our second guest.
27:54Let's get back to the question, Hoff.
27:55Have you got any more, any facts for us that might lead us in any direction?
27:58I have a fact.
27:59Go on.
28:00One in 20 motorists have crashed or had a near miss fiddling with food at the wheel.
28:07A packet of crisps is the most dangerous food to eat while driving.
28:12I can believe that one in 20 motorists have had a crash or something,
28:14fiddling with food at the wheel.
28:15I don't believe crisps are the most dangerous food you can eat.
28:17What about a hog roast?
28:18I didn't write that.
28:20Instead of fillet a bream and eat it.
28:23We've got a clip of some weird food, Hoff.
28:26Of a weird food.
28:27Do you want to see it?
28:27I would love to see it.
28:28Let's roll it.
28:30What is that?
28:44That is the hopsicle.
28:47And similar to me, it may take a licking but it keeps on ticking.
28:51Yes.
28:53Very strange with people going around sucking on your head.
28:55Especially when it's got chocolate on it.
29:01Especially when that person is you.
29:03It's actually raspberry.
29:05That was a raspberry hopsicle.
29:06Yes.
29:07And that exists?
29:08Is that how it was?
29:09It existed?
29:10It, yes.
29:11Well, it existed until it melted.
29:15That's incredible.
29:16Not anymore.
29:18Limited run.
29:23Quite David.
29:24Just before we wrap it up with the final answer, I heard from somebody,
29:29I was doing a radio show in Wales and somebody said that they'd found a cow's eyelid in a pasty.
29:36Have you ever found anything disgusting in food?
29:39I don't think so.
29:40I have.
29:41A big lump of plastic in the middle of a kinder egg.
29:54I'm going to give you a pint for that, Lloyd.
29:56Well done.
29:59Greg, can you think of any way of how we might determine what food is most likely to kill you?
30:04Yes, I think I can, Rod.
30:06Have you been giving this some thought?
30:07I have been giving it some thought.
30:08And I think if we're going to find out what's the most dangerous food,
30:11we should probably do it scientifically.
30:13Yeah.
30:13Why don't we go to the lab?
30:21Welcome to the laboratory.
30:23There's only one way, Rod, to find out what the most dangerous foods in the world are,
30:27and it's to fire food at Lloyd Langford.
30:31The first thing we should test, obviously,
30:33because it's near the top of the alphabet, is the baguette.
30:36So please welcome Phil with his baguette bazooka.
30:44I am going to go for his face.
30:47Experiment number one.
30:54How was that, Lloyd?
31:00I think it's going to be a really interesting conversation with my girlfriend
31:03when I tell her why I'm infertile.
31:07Let's see what damage gravy can do, ladies and gentlemen,
31:10in the form of Rod and Kim's gravy grenades.
31:13Now, what you do, Kim, is...
31:15Try and hit me in the face.
31:18Should I go first?
31:18Please, Rod.
31:22Lovely.
31:23That's how you do it.
31:24That's how you do it.
31:25Quick.
31:29Clearly going to have to up the stakes here in the laboratory.
31:32And what better way to do that than to bring on the trifle trebuchet?
31:38Full trifle, please.
31:39Full trifle.
31:40Got the sprinkles?
31:41Got sprinkles.
31:42Kimberly's got sprinkles.
31:42Kimberly, sprinkles.
31:43OK.
31:44The sprinkles, which will surely irritate Lloyd's eyes.
31:47That's good.
31:48The trifle trebuchet is loaded.
31:50It's loaded. I'm ready.
31:51Let Lloyd have trifle.
31:53Yes, please!
32:04Well, what can possibly be more painful than that?
32:07How about the deadly combination of ice cream and flakes
32:13fired at speed from a powerful weapon?
32:16Who could have such a weapon?
32:18I'll tell you this.
32:19With the AK-99, it's the Hoffs!
32:41Everybody has a moment.
32:44This is yours.
32:46That's the ice cream.
32:48The ice cream's good.
32:49And that's my flake!
32:53Give him more flakes, Tom.
33:02That's it.
33:03That's it.
33:04The real answer is it's not food that kills you.
33:06The poison in the food does it.
33:08That's pretty much it for tonight.
33:09So people of Britain, if you've got a question,
33:11you can tweet hashaskrod on Twitter.
33:14But for tonight, it's thanks to Kimberly Wyatt.
33:18John Jupiter.
33:21Of course, the authenticated David Hasselhoff.
33:25I'm Rod Gilbert, and you can ask me literally anything.
33:29Good night.
33:40Well, you can ask Rob Brydon, David Mitchell and Lee Mack
33:42anything you like, too,
33:43but you might not get the truth out of them.
33:46Would I lie to you Friday at 9.30?
33:49Next tonight on BBC One,
33:51round three round-up with the League Cup show.