The Dating Guy The Dating Guy S01 E004 – A Taste of Wang
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00J'espère que vous avez apprécié cette vidéo, si c'est le cas n'hésitez pas à vous abonner à la chaine pour d'autres vidéos comme celle-ci, merci et à la prochaine !
00:30Je suis aussi amoureux de la musique, et je connais des gens dans le boulot
00:34Ah oui ? Nommez un !
00:36Euh, elle ! Danica Morris, on est assez proche
00:39Oh, vous connaissez Danica Morris ? Elle est fantastique !
00:43Qui connait Danica Morris ? Qui ?
00:45Euh, je le connais, pourquoi ?
00:47Mark, rencontre Nathan dans le programme « My Greatest Dream »
00:49J'espère que vous avez apprécié cette vidéo, si c'est le cas n'hésitez pas à vous abonner à la chaine pour d'autres vidéos comme celle-ci, merci et à la prochaine !
01:00Eh bien, ça et la dialyse
01:05Eh bien regarde, j'aimerais que ça se passe mon pote, mais vous savez, Danica tourne en ce moment, elle ne reviendra pas pour longtemps, bien, vous savez, avant...
01:13L'heure de dormir !
01:14T'es un bâtard ! Son site web dit qu'elle est en ville toute la semaine !
01:17C'est un garçon smart, n'est-ce pas ? Un peu de merde...
01:30Sous-titres réalisés para la communauté d'Amara.org
02:01So, explain this to us again
02:04I don't know what's so complicated, I was trying to pick up a temp from work and I ended up lying to a dying kid about knowing Danica Morris
02:11Man, the things people who want me gotta do to get laid
02:15Nice
02:16Wait a minute, Jeannie, man, I dig through her trash for used dress shields any day
02:20You know, one of these days, somebody's gonna call the cops on you
02:23You think ? You ever been patted down by a lady cop ?
02:25So hot, and I almost always get a crotch squeeze
02:28Mark, why would you go and lie about knowing someone you've never met ?
02:31Who says I've never met her ?
02:33Go to hell, Toronto !
02:35Boy, I need a drink
02:45Cool
02:46Wait a second, Sam, you're a concert promoter, could you hook me up with her ?
02:48Let's examine the logic, if hooking up with rock stars were easy, would I be here with you three losers ?
02:53Or macking on Pete Wentz ?
02:55So it looks like unless that kid kicks the bucket tonight, I am totally screwed
02:58Let me see, little boy's life, you getting some, tough call
03:01Hey, look at me, I'm a self-indulgent badass British rock babe
03:04So, where's me little cripple fan ? Shall I puke on him for good luck ?
03:08Wow, you nailed her
03:09Try it again, but get under the table for realism
03:12Oh, my third leg !
03:13Sam, you gotta help me, I promised my boss I would make it happen
03:16Please pretend to be here, just for a few minutes
03:18You gotta be kidding me, no way will I try to fool some poor dying kid
03:22I can make it worth your while, name your price
03:24Vraiment ? Si je devais m'humilier et m'excuser moi-même, tu devrais faire la même chose
03:28Euh, ouais ?
03:29Je veux voir toi marcher sur Youngstreet en portant un collant de chien et en suite
03:33De toute façon
03:34Continue de baiser et je t'enverrai un téléphone
03:36Non, attends, laisse-moi penser
03:37Dis oui tout de suite ou c'est un coup de coeur
03:39Offre finale
03:40Oui, d'accord, en suite sur Youngstreet
03:42Pas de problème
03:43Elle vient, sois cool, sois cool
03:45Alors, comment sont les boules de poisson ?
03:47Oui, ce sont des boules de poisson
03:49Je veux juste savoir, Lily, combien de poissons sont-ils ?
03:52C'est des poissons, ce sont des boules comme ça
03:55Tu es tellement drôle
03:58Euh, comment c'est drôle ?
03:59Peut-être que la dame veut faire une petite visite à Downtown Browntown
04:02Hey, j'ai un sourire !
04:03Et un collant d'affection sur le dos
04:05Who the man ? Who the man ?
04:07Tu vas vraiment être une virgine pour toujours
04:13Si je voulais une bouteille qui ressemble à de la merde
04:15J'allais me baisser les couilles et faire un gros film moi-même
04:18Sam a ce truc de Danica en col
04:20Yeah, this might actually work
04:24Damn boy, that girl is so hot
04:26I bet she shits barbecue sauce
04:28Hold it too far, didn't need that mental image
04:31Oh my god, Mark, you were serious
04:33You really do know Danica Morris
04:36So, uh, you wanna meet her ?
04:38Really ? Imagine, me, meeting a sensitive, artistic soul like Danica
04:45Hey Danica, I want you to meet...
04:48What the hell ?
04:50You alright love ?
04:51Oh my god, I can't believe I just got punched in the face by Danica Morris
05:03Hey, you tried to steal a sign ?
05:05I go all Jackie Chan on your ass !
05:15Wow Wang, it's me, BJ, I'm here for the job
05:19Job ? Why you wanna be busboy, VJJ ?
05:21No no, it's VJ, VJJ is my sister
05:24Daddy, if he wants to work here, let him, I could use the help
05:28Oh, whatever
05:33This food's still good, lipstick on egg roll look like plum sauce
05:41You know, Lily, I was wondering if you and I might...
05:44VJ, you're sweet and cute, but I'm not right for you
05:47All I ever do is sit on my couch, watch porn and eat pizza
05:50Pepperoni and lactose free cheese ?
05:52Uh-huh, dairy makes me gassy
05:54Me too, and sci-fi porn, right ?
05:56The classics, sex track voyeur, and...
05:59The empire likes crack !
06:02Lily, I think I love you
06:05Erwin !
06:14Forget about her, she Erwin's girl, he leader of Dragon Ball
06:18Baddest triad in all Chinatown
06:20Wang, I think I'm in love
06:22Love not clean dirty dishes, you work now
06:30Ok, the kid will be here any minute, you'll sign an autograph, post some pictures and go
06:35Mark ! Danica, look who I just ran into
06:38That little sick bloke who fancies Danica
06:40Wow, Mark, you weren't just blowing smoke up my skirt, you really do know Danica
06:45You know, I like a well-connected man
06:48Oh, uh, just barely, we're more like acquaintances
06:51This is the happiest day of my life
06:56Except the day I saw my nurse uncross her legs
06:59Mark, you did it, you made that little kid's dream come true
07:02I am so hot for you right now
07:04Danica, could you sing a song for me ?
07:06You know, cause I'm dying and all
07:09I'm afraid not, my voice is a bit skiffed at the moment
07:12Oh, you sound like two chalkboards mating at the best of times
07:16Yo, people, Hotel Ego's got a surprise for y'all
07:20Give it up for Danica Morris
07:24This song goes out to a brave little bloke
07:27And a big stupid one
07:301, 2, 3, 4
07:31Men, they ain't worth a dollar
07:34Men, they make me wanna holler
07:37Men, put on your swimsuit and don't call her
07:41Oh, now that sounds interesting
07:50Last night was total hell
07:52I crowd surfed and got felt up by a bunch of drunks
07:54Do you know what that's like ?
07:55I have a pretty good idea
07:57But you got to play rock star for a night
07:59I mean, isn't that like every little girl's dream ?
08:00My only dream was to get through one softball game
08:02Without my father shouting
08:03You should have been born with a penis !
08:05Anyway, that swimsuit stroll is gonna be so worth it
08:07Jeannie was on fuego last night
08:10She's up there ? With Woody ? Are you crazy ?
08:12Oh, you're good, girl
08:14Net one, pearl two, very cool
08:16My grand-mama's gonna love this scoff
08:19Hey, Mark
08:20Nathan ? What are you doing here ?
08:22Is Danica around ?
08:24I just...
08:25I really wanted to see her again
08:27I wheeled all the way here
08:28Hello, little tyke
08:30Danica, will you marry me ?
08:31We don't even have to go on a honeymoon
08:34I'd settle for just a tongue kiss
08:37Don't be daft, boy, you're way too young
08:39Then, can we at least go somewhere
08:41So the other kids can see me with you ?
08:43Well...
08:44It's just they always make fun of me
08:46They call me names like...
08:48Sicky McDeafpants
08:50Cruel little buggers
08:51Sure, I'll go with you
08:52Anything to bring a little sunshine into your final days
08:55You know, about that honeymoon
08:57Really, I'd be good with just a quick boobie flash
09:04See ? Even the octopus likes you
09:06Oh, Vijay, you say the sweetest things
09:08Hey, so, do you think maybe after work
09:10You might want to...
09:12I don't know, grab a pizza
09:13And watch the Cherry Sunday masterpiece
09:15Space Odyssey 69 ?
09:16Vijay...
09:17I know, I know, it'll never live up to the original, but...
09:19It's not that
09:20I really like you, I do
09:22But it's complicated
09:24I just can't
09:28So when your fish are gonna kick ass tonight
09:30At the fish fight
09:31Kill that wonton
09:32Make her your bitch
09:43Hey, nobody treats my girl that way
09:47Please, no, I'm a bleeder
09:53You know who you're talking to, Gandhi ?
09:55We're the Dragon Boys
09:56We make a chop suey out of fish
09:58You know who you're talking to, Gandhi ?
10:00We're the Dragon Boys
10:01We make a chop suey out of anyone who mess with us
10:05Erwin say, in your case, maybe a nice curry
10:07With a little nun on the side
10:09What's with him ?
10:10He only communicate through cigarette smoke
10:12One time he go on nicotine patch
10:13Not say word for a month
10:14Oh, yeah ?
10:15Well, tell him that I've got a fish
10:16That will smoke his fish
10:17And the winner takes the prize
10:19Lily
10:20Vijay, no !
10:24Erwin say, deal
10:26He also say, me choking
10:27You're choking ?
10:31Hi, handsome
10:32You busy tonight ?
10:34The world's gone totally whack
10:35First Mark scores with his sister
10:37Then Sam fakes being Danica Morris
10:39And now you need a fish to fight some crazy Asian dude
10:41Who's boning your woman ?
10:42What's next ?
10:43I move to the North Pole and go celibate ?
10:45Ah, you already tried that, remember ?
10:49Oh, yeah, girl
10:50Nothing like some man looking up the North
10:53We need a kick ass fish that can take on Erwin's monster
10:55This could take months to find
10:57You need strong fish ?
10:59Or seconds
11:01Ancient fighting coin
11:02Read in only one village on banks of Yangtze
11:05Then, my brother-in-law, Puntang
11:07Bring it he in plastic baggy
11:09Shoved up his bum hole
11:11Sold !
11:12I'll take the fish
11:13And a fresh baggy
11:15Hey, mister, check it out
11:17I'm best pals with Danica Morris
11:19Yo, Holmes, people I'm hanging with
11:22Push, shizzle, right ?
11:24Yikes, check out Vanilla Ice on wheels
11:27Hey, Tuskadero, you wanna meet my friend, Danica Morris ?
11:31Big friggin' deal
11:33So you convinced some Brixton Tart
11:35Oh, no offense, Danica, big fan
11:37To hang out with you because you're about to croak ?
11:39Lame, man
11:41I'm so out of here, I was never even here
11:45You call this lame, huh ?
11:47You wanna mess with little Nathan, do you ?
11:51That was so hot
11:53And a little scary
11:55Oh, no, you peed yourself, man
11:57That's only half the story
12:01Are you sure about this ?
12:02Trust me, a few laps of swimming away from this will toughen him up
12:07It's on, Blend
12:08Come on, Punja Punisher, flop those fins
12:11Whipped
12:12He's doing it
12:13Go for puree
12:14Puree
12:16He couldn't handle puree
12:18You can
12:19Well, good thing we got five fish, huh ?
12:23And I'm really glad you could be here with me
12:25Buddy, there's no place I'd rather be
12:27That and I had nothing else to do
12:29Like, nothing, I mean, nada, zip, zilch
12:39I get it, I get it
12:43My fish is gonna turn your fish into the blue plate special
12:46Actually, this is our official last fight
12:48Then we stir fry him
12:50I got dibs on the eyes
12:54Let the fight begin
13:04Death threat or not, that is one cool trick
13:09So, that was my agent on the horn
13:11Got to fly out tonight
13:12Elton John and I are doing a concert for her majesty
13:15Yep, me and two queens
13:17Can I tell you a secret ?
13:18I know you're not Danica Morris, you faker
13:20Let me tell you a secret
13:22You faker, let me touch your boob or I'll blow the whole deal
13:25Now let me tell you something, you little son of a...
13:27Sam, I mean Danica, get a grip on yourself
13:29Mark, the jig is up
13:31This kid's dying all right, dying to cop a feel
13:33Ah, forget it
13:34I'm gonna go tell Denise I want to meet Pamela Anderson
13:37That chick will spread him for anyone who can fog a mirror
13:39No, no, you can't leave
13:41Jeannie's totally turned on by me helping you
13:43She's promised me a threesome with her contortionist roommate
13:45So, what's in it for me ?
13:47Maybe plenty
13:48That is, if you'd enjoy seeing a grown man
13:50Make a big dipshit of himself in front of hundreds of people
13:53I'm listening
13:54Ah, crap
13:58Man, sorry Vijay
14:00Come on, we'll stop at the vid store on the way home
14:02Porn's on me
14:03No, there are some problems even porn can't solve
14:06Goodbye, my love
14:10Oh, Papa, my heart feels like a gutted fish
14:13Vijay was my one chance at happiness
14:16Stop
14:17Although Wang Chung forced daughter to work 17 hours a day in restaurant
14:21And rub his fungus-infected feet in spare time
14:24He still wanted to be happy
14:26That is why I demand a rematch tonight
14:29Who would want to know why ?
14:31He already won your daughter
14:32Because this time I put up my restaurant
14:35A taste of Wang
14:36Papa, you'd do that ?
14:37You must really care about me
14:39As much as any father can care about a daughter
14:42Who chooses nerdy brown busboy over powerful triad boss
14:45Hey
14:46Yeah
14:47So, what do you say ?
14:48Mark in a swimsuit on Yung Street, won't that be hilarious ?
14:51Who cares about him in a banana hammock ?
14:53I wanna touch your boob
14:55Come on, Sam, it might be nice to get a little action
14:57When there's really no chance for a long-term relationship
15:00You're sick
15:01Please, Sam, do it and I will totally owe you big time
15:03How about it ?
15:04A little goodie grab for charity ?
15:06Fine, just make it quick
15:08One squeeze, treat it like Charmin
15:17Damn !
15:19Ok, ok, it's not a stress ball
15:23Get off !
15:26Nathan ?
15:27Nathan ?
15:28Oh my God, he's dead ?
15:30And somehow the little shit undid my bra
15:33PJ, you're Auntie Sheila and I worry so much about you
15:37Why must I bring my fish here ?
15:39Are you on a cult ?
15:40Or worse, pledging a white man's fraternity ?
15:42No, Vikram Chacha, I'm not in a cult
15:44It's about a girl
15:45A girl ?
15:46Great Ganesh, that is good news
15:49We always figured you were a bit of a swishy man
15:51I need a fish that can take on a deadly fighting koi
15:53Only fish that can do that is a piranha
15:56Cool !
15:57Except it's the wrong color, it needs to be gold
16:02Hey, my breakfast drink !
16:10You're a genius !
16:11No, Ravi Shankar is a genius
16:13I am just a simple man
16:15Who parlayed a phony veterinary license
16:17Into a chain of overpriced criminally negligent animal clinics
16:20And now, I'd like to ask the person
16:22Who gave Nathan so much joy in his last days
16:25To say a few words
16:27Oh no, love, really I can't
16:29I'm too overcome with grief
16:38Ready, set, fight !
16:44He won !
16:45I won ?
16:49Chicken balls for everyone
16:51Two dollars a piece, extra for sauce
16:53No coupons
16:58And so the name of Nathan...
17:00Er...
17:01What's-his-face
17:02Will be forever engraved on my art
17:04Potty on, Nate !
17:08Er... Mark my words...
17:09I'm not going to do it
17:12Er... Mark was in on it the whole time
17:14She let him read Shaved and Slippery
17:17I think we better get out of here
17:19I know, I know, never call you again
17:20Here's a pamphlet to help you come to terms with this ordeal
17:27At last we can be together, my love
17:29Lily !
17:30I love you
17:31And I'm not letting you go without a fight
17:36I've never heard him speak before
17:38A fight to the death !
17:40All right, bring it, ashtray breath
17:42Let it go, VJ
17:43No !
17:44Now's my chance to fight for her
17:46I gotta do this, this is the moment I've waited my whole life for
17:48I thought it was the invention of jetpacks
17:50Well, the non-technology related moment
17:58Did I just win ?
17:59It hurts so bad
18:00I want my mommy
18:02You know, sometimes smoking does make people cooler
18:05Oh Lily, we're gonna be so happy together
18:08I'm talking wall to wall, pizza and porn
18:10Gosh, VJ, it sounds like heaven on earth
18:13Then let's go !
18:14The Pizza Place and VidStore are both running a meat lover's special
18:18Mommy !
18:20I can't leave Erwin
18:22He's even more pathetic than you
18:23But maybe someday we'll be together ?
18:25For sure, but think really far in the future
18:28I gotta go
18:29I know, before you burst into tears
18:32No, before table 7's order gets cold
18:34See ya