the ghosts of motley hall - season 3 episode 2
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:30Forward, the Light Brigade!
01:00Was there a man dismayed?
01:02No.
01:06Into the valley of death rode the 600.
01:11Sir George! Sir George!
01:14Cannon to right of him! Cannon to left of him!
01:17Sir George!
01:18Cannon in front!
01:19How dare you interrupt the charge of the Light Brigade?
01:22But there's people in the Great Hall!
01:23People?
01:24Aye, lots of them! And they're planning a massacre!
01:27What?
01:28Shooting!
01:29Shoot?
01:29Shooting!
01:30For a week, they said!
01:42It's a bit fierce, Bob. Put a wire in it.
01:44Right.
01:48Like that. And tilt it over the fraction.
01:50No, Ria.
01:52You look peaceful to me.
01:54Can any of them see you?
01:56No, but...
01:57Did they say who they were going to shoot?
02:00That's it. We'll cut that speech altogether. All right, then.
02:03Yes, I think so.
02:04Oh, we said it before, anyway.
02:06Er, Tony, can we move the camera back a bit?
02:08Camera! So that's it. No cause for alarm.
02:11Oi, they're photographers. That's all. Just stay out of their way.
02:14Oh, they want a photograph.
02:15Oh, St. John. This is Mr. Gudgeon, the owner of Mottley.
02:19Mr. St. John Desmond, the writer of the programme.
02:21How do you do?
02:21I'm also presenting.
02:22That fellow looks familiar to me. What do you think, Bodkin?
02:24You all right, Sir George?
02:26I just can't place him.
02:27Well, don't ring a bell with me.
02:29Excuse me, girl. Ready to go when you are.
02:31Excuse me.
02:32Did you know any of your family, Mr. Gudgeon?
02:34Er, well, I worked for Sir Humphrey.
02:36Awful family, of course, eh? Rotten to the core.
02:38And the ones that weren't downright wicked were just plain stupid, eh?
02:41I don't think that's quite true.
02:42Well, I mean, look at him, for instance, eh?
02:44Arrogant and callous and conceited, eh?
02:46Bite the back of that cart!
02:48What do you mean, Sir George?
02:49Did you hear the villain, did you?
02:50Aye, we did.
02:51First position, please, Mr. Desmond.
02:54All yours, girl.
02:57Off you go, signor.
03:00Until recently, Sir Richard Upraw, the founder of Motley Hall,
03:05was thought to be a loyal servant of Queen Elizabeth I.
03:09Thought to be? He was.
03:11But it seems likely that in reality he's secretly plotted to assassinate her.
03:17Gods! Bad death!
03:19My noble ancestor, a traitor! The idea is absurd!
03:22I knew Sir Richard. I worked for him.
03:24He worshipped the Queen.
03:25All right, everyone.
03:26We can't stand by while this wretch drags the name Upraw into the mire.
03:29Forward!
03:38How's that?
03:39That's it.
03:40Right. Very quiet now.
03:44Turn over.
03:45I think I've got an aeroplane.
03:47Who says Sir Richard was a traitor?
03:49He does, Mr. Desmond.
03:51Ay, balaclava!
03:53Keep calm.
03:54I'm trying to.
03:55Not you, Sir George.
03:57Oh, leave me alone.
03:58OK.
04:00It's a vile slander.
04:02It's a vile slander, Dutton, and you've got to stop him.
04:05I can't.
04:06He must, or we'll see to it that Motley stays empty forever.
04:09You want to sell Motley, don't you?
04:11Until recently.
04:13But I can't argue with school's television.
04:15Cut!
04:16Oh, Belle.
04:18Could you please not talk while we're filming, sir?
04:22Yes, I'm terribly sorry, but just a minute.
04:24OK, going again.
04:28Turn over.
04:30They're relying on you to express our indignation.
04:33Spineless idiot.
04:35Action.
04:37Until recently...
04:39Be silent, you scoundrel, mongering blackguard!
04:42How dare you invent this monstrous calumny?
04:44Give me a way, Sir George.
04:46What are we going to do?
04:48What are we going to do?
04:50It's likely that, in reality, he secretly plotted to assassinate her.
04:56Cut.
04:57How's that?
04:58Just checking again.
04:59Set?
05:00OK.
05:01It's OK.
05:05How long are you going to be?
05:07About five minutes.
05:08Go on, Gatwin, go on!
05:10Yes, but...
05:21Excuse me, Mr Desmond, I...
05:23I don't know quite how to put this,
05:25but I'm awfully worried about this business of Sir Richard Uproar being a traitor.
05:31Are you?
05:32Well, I've always understood that he was rather a splendid figure.
05:36Oh, you ought to read my book.
05:38There's a whole chapter about the Uproars.
05:40Well, in Sir Chevrolet Uproar's history...
05:43I... I shouldn't bring him into it, if I was you.
05:46That book is a whitewash of history.
05:48If I was you, that book is a whitewash of every black sheep in the family,
05:52and there were enough of them, including Sir Chevrolet.
05:56Sir Chevrolet? A black sheep?
05:59Oh, yes.
06:00He was caught cheating at Domino's under Queen Mary.
06:03But Sir Richard Uproar was knighted on this very terrace.
06:07Lots of villains have been knighted. It goes on all the time.
06:10Yes, but surely.
06:11I know a lot about the Uproars, and some of it is very nasty.
06:15My mother's cousin married one. It gave her a miserable time.
06:18But the facts...
06:19Facts? There are very few facts in history, Mr Gudgeon.
06:23A distance lends enchantment, you know.
06:26I mean, great figures of the past, it's a load of rubbish.
06:30I cut them down to size. I showed them up for what they really were.
06:34Just a lot of inbred gangsters struggling for power on a muck heap.
06:39I don't think you can say that.
06:41Look, I really haven't got time to argue about it.
06:44Now, all the Uproars are dead and buried, thank goodness.
06:47I can't upset any of them now.
06:49I wouldn't be too sure about that.
06:51Yes. Well, I'd better get back.
06:54You must it, you grey apeth!
07:04Wally's having a bit of trouble with his costume, Garth.
07:06Oh, is he?
07:07I hope that man Gudgeon isn't going to hang about all day.
07:10He just tried to tell me how to write the script.
07:13It's worse than useless.
07:15What's that?
07:17Who's he supposed to be?
07:19Mr Bilton.
07:21Great.
07:22Eh? Looks as gay as a goose and a guy, doesn't he?
07:25You look great.
07:26I can't hear very well through this thing.
07:28It's like a bloody straitjacket.
07:29Yeah, well, it's historically correct.
07:31Eh? I said it's historically correct.
07:34It'll split. I know it will.
07:36Well, where's your coxcomb?
07:38Me what?
07:39Your coxcomb, you know, that stick with bells on it.
07:41No, I left that in the dressing room.
07:42You have to carry it!
07:44Well, I'd better get it then.
07:48Gloriana.
07:50Miss Gloriana.
07:52Right, Angela, darling, the Queen over there.
07:54Sir Richard will be on the stairs.
07:56Brenda!
07:57Where's Wally?
07:58He's gone to get his coxcomb.
07:59Wally!
08:00That tea, not coffee.
08:01Mr Desmond.
08:03Wally, you're on top of the stairs.
08:06Sir Richard, on the second stair.
08:08Is my hair sticking out?
08:09It's fine.
08:14A little to your right, St John.
08:16That's going very quiet now.
08:19This is a rehearsal.
08:21Clear the stairs, girls.
08:24Action, St John.
08:26In September of the year of our Lord, 1601,
08:31Sir Richard Uproar...
08:33Action, Martin.
08:34...received Queen Elizabeth I at Motley Hall.
08:37Action, Wally.
08:38Action, Wally!
08:40In his employment was an evil and vicious toady
08:43known as Bodykins.
08:45Did you hear that? Did you hear what he said?
08:48He eagerly agreed to murder the Queen.
08:52Murder the Queen?
08:54How could I murder the Queen? I never met her.
08:56When she came to Motley, I'd been dead for five months.
09:00Now, very quiet now.
09:02This is a rehearsal.
09:04Right. We start on Wally.
09:06And as he moves down...
09:08You don't mind, do you, Teddy?
09:10Of course not, St John. Go ahead.
09:12Prove that you were dead when the Queen came to Motley.
09:15This villain's play will blow away like chaff before the wind.
09:19Prove that you were dead when the Queen came to Motley.
09:22This villain's play will blow away like chaff before the wind.
09:30Art thou come hither, Bodykins?
09:33I'm not having this, Bodykins.
09:35I don't look anything like that.
09:37Haven't you seen a lime in a get-up like that?
09:40Oh, yes, there.
09:41My name is Bodkins.
09:43You think I go jingling round the place like a walking Belfry?
09:45Art thou come hither, Bodykins?
09:47I am, Master.
09:48The Queen hath made her hither on the morrow.
09:50Ha! Doth she so?
09:52In truth, she doth.
09:53And when go she hence for the nonce?
09:55Ay, what not? Yet.
09:58I said, Bodies, did you all talk like that on those days?
10:02Nobody did.
10:04Glad.
10:05Ha!
10:06Come, draw thou near and lend thine ear to what I shall impart.
10:12Wiltred the world of Tyrant.
10:14Meant thou the Queen?
10:16Ay, none greater lives.
10:18Thou speak'st sooth. Wilt doot?
10:20Doot, my lord, I. I'll doot.
10:22Here's gold.
10:24And that's where we cut, isn't it, Ted?
10:26If you like, Shringham.
10:27All right, set up for a take.
10:29I'd like another rehearsal.
10:31Why, no, they know it.
10:33I think we should go for a take.
10:34We can't let this travesty continue.
10:36How can we stop it?
10:37By proving to them that Bodkins was dead when the Queen came to Motley.
10:41Yes, but how?
10:47MUSIC
11:12Do you remember where you were buried?
11:15I don't even remember my funeral.
11:17But I know I, er...
11:18Quite right.
11:20In April, because the daffodils was out.
11:22Could it have been March?
11:23No, no, it was April.
11:24A special day of some kind.
11:26April.
11:27Apart from the fact it was my last, of course.
11:29You must be buried somewhere.
11:30Local churchyard, I expect.
11:32But which one? There's one or two churches round here.
11:35Anyway, we don't even know if I had a tombstone.
11:37True, can't prove anything without a tombstone.
11:40Must have the date, you see.
11:42What's he use? We can't go and look for it.
11:44Oh, it's Bud, he's right.
11:48Gudgeon could go.
11:50Gudgeon?!
11:51Why not?
11:52If it was all explained to him very carefully.
11:55Can you see Gudgeon grubbing around graveyards on our behalf?
11:58The idea's absolutely ludicrous.
12:00Well, there's no-one else.
12:01Besides, he doesn't like St John any more than we do.
12:05You'll never persuade him.
12:07I'm the only one who can.
12:13Ugh!
12:22It's me again.
12:23Ah!
12:25Did you say something?
12:26No, nothing, no.
12:29Your nerves are in a dreadful state, Gudgeon.
12:32Make-up!
12:33Gudgeon, how do you feel about seeking a grave?
12:36Oh!
12:37Not yours, Budkin's.
12:40Bodykin?
12:41No, not Bodykin, it's Bodkin's.
12:44Why?
12:45Because he was married in D.E.V.D. when the Queen came to Muckley
12:49and we are here to prove it.
12:51Right, very quiet now.
12:53Turn over.
12:55Sound running.
12:56Mark it.
12:57Six, take three.
13:01Action.
13:02Up, up, come hither, Bodykin.
13:04High shorts.
13:06They're doing it all again.
13:08That's done once wasn't too much.
13:11Ah, doth he so?
13:13Insooth, she doth.
13:14And when go she hence for the nonce?
13:16I what not?
13:18There's just one tiny problem, though we don't know which church you're with.
13:22I don't really think I'm the right one.
13:24Do you want the uproar family to be scorned and reviled
13:26because of that loudmouthed liar?
13:28Find Bodkin's brawlstone.
13:30But I may not be able to.
13:32Cut!
13:33Oh, my God, what's going on?
13:35I told you before, sir, you simply must not talk while we...
13:38You ruined the take!
13:39Yes, I'm terribly sorry.
13:41Knife hold.
13:42If you can't shut up, get outside.
13:44I was just about to leave anyway.
13:47Don't worry, I'll find it.
13:50He's round a twist.
13:52No, I don't think he realised.
13:54Of course he realised, he was deliberate.
13:57OK, everyone, we're going again from the top.
14:05Come on.
14:36Here's gold.
14:39Cut.
14:40Good one.
14:41Tony, are you OK for me?
14:42Any chance of any teething?
14:43Is that OK?
14:44Yes.
14:45Bodkin's missed a hat.
14:46Oh, sorry, Mr Desmond.
14:48Oh, it doesn't matter.
14:49It matters to me!
14:50It's OK.
14:51That hat is very important to the rhythm of the scene.
14:54Yes, it's a bit of a long shot.
14:56I don't think we should rely on it.
14:58What else can we do?
14:59We can't just sit here and do nothing.
15:01It's a bit of a long shot.
15:02I don't think we should rely on it.
15:04What else can we do?
15:06We are, in a sense, behind enemy lines and outnumbered.
15:12Therefore, a frontal attack is out of the question.
15:16None of them could see us anyway.
15:18Which gives us the element of surprise.
15:21Action.
15:22Exactly.
15:23Action.
15:27Aye, master.
15:28Oh, Rihanna, tattooing it again!
15:58Mark it.
15:59Eight, take one.
16:00Action.
16:01Now, why did Sir Richard's plan fail?
16:02Well, my theory fits what few facts we have.
16:03It seems...
16:04Cut!
16:05Cut!
16:06Cut!
16:07Cut!
16:08Cut!
16:09Cut!
16:10Cut!
16:11Cut!
16:12Cut!
16:13Cut!
16:14Cut!
16:15Cut!
16:16Cut!
16:17Cut!
16:18Cut!
16:19Cut!
16:20Cut!
16:21Cut!
16:22Cut!
16:23Cut!
16:24Cut!
16:25Cut!
16:26Cut!
16:27Cut!
16:28All right.
16:30Who did that?
16:36Now, why did Sir Richard's plan fail?
16:39Well, my theory fits what few facts we have.
16:44It seems highly probable that...
16:46Aye.
16:47Cut!
16:48What's going on here?
16:51Cut!
16:52Cut!
16:53Cut!
16:54Cut!
16:55Cut!
17:26Now, why did Sir Richard's plan fail?
17:38Still running.
17:40Sorry.
17:41Start again.
17:43Now, why did Sir Richard's plan fail?
17:47Well, my theory fits what few...
17:50Now, why did Sir Richard's plan fail?
18:05Well, my theory fits what few facts we have.
18:09It seems highly probable that...
18:12Hey!
18:13Quiet!
18:16Eight take twenty-two.
18:18Twenty-three.
18:19Twenty-three.
18:20Let's have a proper ride then, Keith.
18:22Eight take twenty-three after false start.
18:26Action.
18:29Now, why did Sir Richard's plan fail?
18:33Still running.
18:37Now, why did Sir Richard's plan fail?
18:40Ah!
18:41Cut!
18:42Who screamed?
18:43What the hell's going on around here?
18:45My dressing room door opened and no one came in!
18:48What the hell's going on?
18:52It's been awfully well ended.
18:55Awfully?
18:56Awfully!
18:57Awfully!
18:58Awfully!
18:59Awfully!
19:26Action.
19:28When the Queen went to bed, Bodykins was probably already hiding in the room.
19:35It's quite likely that he fell asleep as he was known to drink.
19:39What a liar!
19:41Now, Sir George.
19:43No, wait.
19:44I want to watch this.
19:52I have soon sent intruder in my chamber!
19:54Help!
19:55Help!
19:56Behold!
19:59Sir Richard!
20:01Your Majesty!
20:02It was Sir Richard!
20:03Thou perish, all traitors!
20:06Kneel, for thou hast saved thy Queen!
20:11Arise, Sir Richard!
20:13Uproar!
20:16And so...
20:17Then by...
20:18By killing Bodykins, Sir Richard earned his knighthood.
20:21Action!
20:22I'm not standing for this!
20:23What's going on?
20:25I'm not standing for this!
20:26I'm not standing for this!
20:27I'm not standing for this!
20:28I'm not standing for this!
20:29I'm not standing for this!
20:30I'm not standing for this!
20:31I'm not standing for this!
20:32I'm not standing for this!
20:33I'm not standing for this!
20:34I'm not standing for this!
20:35I'm not standing for this!
20:36I'm not standing for this!
20:37I'm not standing for this!
20:38I'm not standing for this!
20:39I'm not standing for this!
20:40I'm not standing for this!
20:41I'm not standing for this!
20:42I'm not standing for this!
20:43I'm not standing for this!
20:44I'm not standing for this!
20:45I'm not standing for this!
20:46I'm not standing for this!
20:47I'm not standing for this!
20:48I'm not standing for this!
20:49You!
20:50You're trying to sabotage this production aren't you?
20:56Well you want to watch what you're saying!
21:02Gujin!
21:03What?
21:04Where's that madman Gujin?
21:05Where is he?
21:06Where is he?
21:07Gujin!
21:08Gujin!
21:09I beg your pardon?
21:17Ah! I beg your pardon? You're trying to wreck this production, aren't you?
21:21What? You know what I'm talking about, dropping things, frightening people.
21:25I've never done anything of the kind. You did! You terrified Queen Elizabeth!
21:29She thinks the place is haunted! But I assure you... I don't think... Shut up, Ted.
21:33You set yourself up as an authority on Motley Hall,
21:36cos you can't bear your precious Uproar family being shown for what they really were,
21:40a bunch of criminal parasites!
21:43And you set yourself up as an historian
21:45when your writing is really a malicious and scurrilous fiction.
21:48Oh! Fiction? Yes, Mr Desmond, fiction.
21:51That is a slanderous statement.
21:53Oh, no, it is a fact. It is you who make the slanderous statements.
21:56When Queen Elizabeth I came to Motley Hall in September 1601,
22:00Bodkin, and you'd even got the name wrong, was already dead.
22:04Gloriana! He found it!
22:06...in Melbury Churchyard. A simple inscription.
22:10Bodkin, 1601.
22:121601? That doesn't prove anything.
22:14Oh, I know that, but there was something else on the stone as well.
22:17Would you all like to hear it? It was only dog roll,
22:20but it will pinpoint the day exactly when Bodkin died.
22:23Here lies a fool who had the wit to die upon the day most fit.
22:28The day most fit, Mr Desmond.
22:31All Fool's Day. April Fool's Day, if you like.
22:34April 1st, 1601.
22:37No way round that one, is there, St John?
22:39I don't see how I can do this script now.
22:41Then you'd better get him to write you one.
22:45Hooray!
22:48Actually, that isn't a bad idea, is it, Bill?
22:51No, Gav. Right, break them for tea.
22:54We'll start again.
22:56And this time, with your help, we might get the facts right.
23:07The Queen did knight Sir Richard at Motley?
23:10Yes. Yes.
23:12On a Friday. On a Friday?
23:14On a Friday. On a Friday.
23:16On a Friday. On a Friday.
23:18Good. We'll build on that.
23:20But you can't have known that, Bodkin, if you were...
23:24Right.
23:26Ah, yes, but I was there in spirit.
23:29Yes?
23:311934.
24:07© BF-WATCH TV 2021