Episode 2 of Series 2. In this episode, Diana has forgotten that Bruce proposed to her, but still finds herself attracted to him. Penelope decides to make him human for a day - not out of the kindness of her heart, but because she believes her mother is only in love with him because of his magic powers. However, this leaves her with Baz as her genie slave for the day and uses him to wish for a dinner date between her and Prince Umberto...
Stars Alexandra Milman, Anna Galvin, Glenn Meldrum, Sandy Winton, Monica Maughan, Mark Mitchell, Fletcher Humphrys and Petra Jared, plus former and future Neighbours stars Bernard Curry (as Prince Umberto) and Jacinta Stapleton, who was currently starring in the soap when this was broadcast in August 1998.
Stars Alexandra Milman, Anna Galvin, Glenn Meldrum, Sandy Winton, Monica Maughan, Mark Mitchell, Fletcher Humphrys and Petra Jared, plus former and future Neighbours stars Bernard Curry (as Prince Umberto) and Jacinta Stapleton, who was currently starring in the soap when this was broadcast in August 1998.
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TVTranscript
00:00In days of spring and summer spree, in love forevermore, though numerous maids have turned my head...
00:08Romance is one of those things that, well, makes you sick, really. It's very overrated.
00:13Only when you're missing out.
00:15Baz, I've told you not to sneak around. It's so sneaky.
00:18...found us in the sky, eternal and divine...
00:22It's like a disease.
00:23...a love like that twixt thee and I.
00:26Doth moon and stars outshine.
00:33You enjoyed that, didn't you?
00:34Yes.
00:36Now, let me see.
00:40I wish for a boy to be interested in me.
00:42Oh, jealous, are we?
00:44You know I'm not like that, Bruce.
00:46No, I'm wishing for a boy because...
00:49You can't get one yourself.
00:51Thank you.
00:52Look, Pen, magic's not the answer in situations like this.
00:56You can talk. Mummy certainly wouldn't be interested in you if you were just human.
01:00I know you use magic on her.
01:02Do you, Dad?
01:03Of course not.
01:04If he was human, there's no way anybody would be interested in him. He'd be like...
01:08Like you, Pen.
01:12Right. That's it. This is a wish, Bruce. I wish for you to be human.
01:16No magic, no powers until midnight tonight.
01:19Me too?
01:20No. You can be my genie for a day.
01:27Doesn't feel any different.
01:39Hey.
01:41Hey, I felt that.
01:44Interesting.
01:47Let's see what Mummy thinks of him now.
01:49Diana.
01:50Hey, Penelope. Is that your new boyfriend?
01:57I wish the earth would swallow them, Baz.
02:07Sorry, didn't I mention the bog?
02:09People are always falling into it.
02:13Somebody help!
02:16Baz!
02:17Someone's got to help her.
02:31You were very brave, Bruce.
02:33Oh, really? Do you think so?
02:35For a clown.
02:37What are they?
02:39Goosebumps. Haven't you ever seen them before?
02:42No.
02:45How human.
02:49I must say, I was awfully worried about you, sir.
02:52Well, Sebastian, that's so sweet.
02:56If I can't have romance, they certainly can't.
02:59I wish you'd get rid of the boys, Baz.
03:06Looking for Thomas and Sebastian?
03:09Oh, I'm sorry. They've gone. They had other dates.
03:13Boys. They're so unreliable.
03:17They're never around when you need them.
03:19Why can't all boys be like Prince Umberto of Moldovia?
03:23Oh, so yummy.
03:26And so rich.
03:28Of course you realise Prince Umberto and I are having dinner tonight.
03:34Oh, you didn't.
03:37Who's Prince Umberto?
03:39Who is he?
03:41Baz, he's only the most eligible boy in the whole world.
03:44He's heir to the throne of Moldovia.
03:47So where's that?
03:49Oh, it's... somewhere. It doesn't matter. He's perfect for me.
03:53Um, Mossop.
03:55Um...
03:57I want to do something for Diana.
03:59You know, something nice.
04:01Why don't you cook her a nice dinner?
04:05Mossop, that's... that's brilliant.
04:08That's so human.
04:12So, uh...
04:14So what do we cook?
04:16Roast lamb?
04:20That is brilliant.
04:22I mean, that's just so ordinary.
04:30Mercier, Sophie.
04:32We've told everyone that we're...
04:34that you're having dinner with Prince Umberto.
04:37You should see them. They're all squirming with jealousy.
04:40Yes, I can see.
04:42Please crawl in. I mean, come in.
04:44Well, I have to get a photograph to show everybody.
04:46Oh, of course.
04:48Say cheese!
04:51I can't wait to meet him.
04:53No, nor can I. I wish he was here right now.
05:01Uh...
05:03Hello.
05:05Ooh!
05:08Uh...
05:19Can I make a mess? It's crowded.
05:22Oh, there you are, Your Highness.
05:24May I remind you that you have a meeting
05:26with the Japanese ambassador in 15 minutes?
05:29Must I, Grigor?
05:31Of course you must, Your Highness.
05:33And, uh, following that,
05:35you must review the armored regiment.
05:38There's a flag-raising ceremony
05:40commemorating Moldavian independence.
05:42Not to mention your speech to Parliament
05:45seven minutes' free time
05:47before the royal dinner party.
05:53It's so...
05:55quiet here.
05:57Too quiet? We can make it louder.
05:59No. No, I like it.
06:01No bodyguards,
06:03no sycophants,
06:05no press people
06:07snapping endless photographs.
06:09But, Excellency,
06:11you are Prince of Moldova,
06:13ninth richest principality
06:15in the northwest Mediterranean region.
06:17It is your duty and privilege,
06:19your responsibility,
06:21to be our figurehead.
06:23Don't worry, Your Excellency.
06:25We don't like photographers
06:27or sycophants around here either.
06:29Much.
06:33I got the potatoes,
06:35onions,
06:37carrots.
06:39Cauliflower.
06:43That's a lot.
06:45Bruce, any reason we didn't just
06:47go to the supermarket
06:49instead of out here to this farm?
06:51Is that how you normally do it?
06:53Ah, well,
06:55doesn't matter.
06:57Feeling very human.
06:59Even found us a leg of lamb.
07:01Oh, I'll, uh...
07:03I'll work out what to do
07:05with the other three legs
07:07when we get back home.
07:09Darling?
07:11Darling?
07:13Did you know that Master and Sophie
07:15are sleeping in the entrance hall?
07:17Really?
07:19What was that?
07:21A cricket?
07:23Penelope, if you've got a boy in your room...
07:27See? I told you!
07:33I'm very sorry.
07:35It was very inappropriate.
07:37I'll never do it again.
07:39No, that's nothing.
07:41Do I know you from somewhere?
07:43He's Prince Umberto of Moldova.
07:45And he's keeping the ambassador waiting.
07:47Your Highness, really,
07:49you haven't had enough time.
07:51You have an image to maintain.
07:53It's just no fun being a prince.
07:55You mean you're leaving already?
07:57Well,
07:59I wish I didn't have to.
08:01So do I.
08:05Your Highness,
08:07I'm cancelling all your engagements
08:09for the rest of the day.
08:11Are you absolutely certain?
08:13You don't sound like yourself.
08:15No, I don't.
08:17In fact,
08:19I just might
08:21find a whole new career.
08:43Is there a problem, officer?
08:45No problem.
08:47Apart from you speeding, no problem at all.
08:49Oh, what a relief.
08:51I was worried there for a moment.
08:53What a human thing to do, eh?
08:55Can I see your license, please, sir?
09:01Careful, it's very old.
09:05What is this?
09:07It's a letter of authority
09:09from the Sultan Askabala
09:11to drive a two-horse chariot
09:13Is this a joke?
09:15Well, it's not good enough.
09:21And is this a family member
09:23or your driving instructor, sir?
09:27It's a sheep.
09:43Welcome to the
09:45Bondmeister Experience
09:47Birdwatching Tour.
09:49So, where are the birds?
09:51Up in the sky.
09:53Where do you reckon they'd be?
09:55You haven't been doing this for very long, have you?
09:57Conrad, come here.
09:59Listen, I want you to do a bit of a recce.
10:01Check out the place.
10:03Find Penopoly.
10:05When you find her...
10:07Ah!
10:11Jammer socks off, huh?
10:15I must apologize
10:17again for my, uh,
10:19unprincely behavior on the bed.
10:21Oh, no, we don't care about that sort of thing.
10:23Beauty, because I do it
10:25all the time when you're not here.
10:27It's so, uh, different to the palace.
10:29Rules and regulations
10:31always having to be so, uh,
10:33civilized.
10:35No one cares here, do they, Pen?
10:37So have some fun.
10:39Baz, Umberto's not some Australian pleb
10:41like Conrad.
10:47Oh, ladies.
10:51We must apologize for fainting before.
10:53I'm sure that happens to you all the time.
10:55Maybe Conrad would like to play, too.
10:57Oh, what a wonderful idea.
10:59That'd be my wish for him to see me now.
11:01He'd be so jealous.
11:05Ah!
11:07Ah!
11:13Oh, I'm so sorry.
11:15Why don't you watch where you're going, pal?
11:17I'm really sorry. I didn't see you.
11:19Get off me. I was having too much fun on this,
11:21uh, this, this thing.
11:23Apparently you can even drag clothes on it.
11:25Oh, my gosh.
11:27Conrad!
11:29Why don't you watch where you're going?
11:31I must order one of these for the palace.
11:33Conrad, this is a friend of mine,
11:35Umberto.
11:37Delighted.
11:39I don't often get a chance to meet normal people.
11:41Who you calling normal, pal?
11:43Oh, for me.
11:45Thank you very much.
11:47Unfortunately, I have to give them to charity.
11:49Oh.
11:51Conrad.
11:53He's a prince.
11:55Oh, I know he's a prince.
11:57Umberto.
11:59Roger, over and out.
12:01You got no I.D.
12:03No passport.
12:05There's no record of your birth.
12:07No record of your entry into the country.
12:09The only thing we know about you
12:11is you can't drive.
12:13So, um, am I in trouble?
12:15Of course you are.
12:17Humans always get in trouble, aren't they?
12:19Just part of the whole
12:21amazing tapestry, isn't it?
12:25What an experience.
12:31Come on.
12:35Come on.
12:41Charlene!
12:43Hey!
12:45I wondered where you were.
12:49These bird watchers, they're a nice, quiet group,
12:51aren't they? I reckon we should get more of them.
12:53What do you reckon? Yeah, well, book them yourself then.
12:55I'm not booking any more tour groups
12:57until I get paid. I'll break it to you,
12:59although it's only a couple of weeks late.
13:01Otto, you owe me six months' pay.
13:07All right, darling.
13:09I was going to keep this a secret,
13:11but since you've
13:13forced it out of me,
13:15because I respect you,
13:17because I'm proud of you,
13:19because I'm a generous sort of guy,
13:21I'm offering you
13:23a half share
13:25in the business.
13:27This business?
13:29It's worth nothing!
13:31It's less than nothing. It's an insult.
13:35That's all right. You don't have to thank me.
13:37If you look
13:39carefully, I think you'll spot
13:41a vulture around here somewhere.
13:43Really? Yeah.
13:45A big, fat one.
13:49We have to get a photo of him, or else no one's
13:51going to believe we ever met him.
13:53How can we brag if there's no evidence?
13:55He hates photographers.
13:57He's a very private and cultured person.
14:17Prince Umberto?
14:19Never heard of him.
14:21Oh, probably said he's some famous dude,
14:23you know, and that got me thinking.
14:25Oh, Conrad, I have warned you
14:27about that, haven't I? I have told
14:29you specifically not
14:31to think. You know why, don't you?
14:33Oh. There you're doing it
14:35again. You are thinking again.
14:37Well, I'll tell you why. It's because you're thick.
14:39For instance, what was this
14:41alleged thought you were supposed to do about?
14:43I was thinking we get a few snaps of him
14:45swinging from the clothesline, then we sell him to the
14:47papers for a packet. See?
14:49Stupid. We haven't got a camera.
14:53Yeah.
14:57Well, what are we waiting for?
14:59Come on.
15:03You've no idea what it's like at the palace.
15:05Always on show all the time.
15:07Must be awful.
15:09But you're a prince, Prince Umberto.
15:11People want to know where you're going,
15:13who you're with.
15:15But everything I do gets
15:17reported, filmed,
15:19photographed. Then it gets
15:21published in the tabloids.
15:23It's awful. Would that one
15:25happen here, Pen? Will it?
15:27Of course not.
15:31If I'm to be staying for dinner,
15:33should not someone be preparing it?
15:35True. I wish it was happening right now.
15:37That's right,
15:39Inspector. Middle Eastern terrorist
15:41from the papers.
15:43I managed to capture him all by myself.
15:45Constable, I'll have it to fall on MI5
15:47standing by when you bring it.
15:49Um, sorry, sir.
15:51Constable, come in, constable.
15:53Pleased to meet you.
15:55Glad we got out of that one.
15:57Glad?
15:59I mean, that's just so
16:01human, no?
16:03Well, Wilder, that's human too.
16:05I know you are
16:07the chef and everything, but
16:09I've never done any cooking. Would it be possible
16:11to help? You can do it all
16:13if you like.
16:15I think I need a lie down.
16:21Do you know anything about cooking?
16:23No.
16:25Me neither. I wish you'd learn
16:27quickly.
16:31I'll do the consomme and the
16:33pate en croute.
16:35And I will do
16:37the tri-ala vinaigrette and the
16:39creme brulee.
16:43Excuse us. We understand you've got
16:45an indoor royal Preston Umberto
16:47around here. We're at 12 o'clock.
16:49Ready? I wish we were making custard tarts.
16:51Take your line.
16:53Fire!
17:01I wish they'd get
17:03lost.
17:05Let's all get lost.
17:09That was close.
17:11Hello! We were just wondering
17:13if we could possibly...
17:23Smile!
17:25You've still got
17:27to get some photos or nobody will believe
17:29us. And if nobody believes us,
17:31then we'll just be nobodies.
17:33And that includes you.
17:35So get a photo of him.
17:37I wish I was at home so at least I could get
17:39changed. I wish
17:41you both were.
17:45Not only
17:47are our clothes ruined,
17:49but we have not seen a single
17:51bird for the entire trip.
17:53Now look, I know you're
17:55upset, but I think this is going to
17:57cheer you up nowhere.
17:59This is my specialty. I prepared this
18:01for you myself. You are gonna
18:03love it. One duck!
18:05Why?
18:07I prepared lobsters.
18:09How are they gonna love this?
18:11Order! Order!
18:17Oh, you shall feel very strange
18:19sitting at the dinner table with your lady chef.
18:21The chefs insisted.
18:23They wanted to do everything themselves.
18:25Bruce thought it would be...
18:27very human.
18:29Yes.
18:33You know, it's a funny thing.
18:35Pre-dinner chat.
18:37Some people just can't do it.
18:39Really?
18:41The reason I came down under, some Aussie chaps
18:43and I decided to hold a sort of global
18:45think tank, put our heads together,
18:47see if we could nut out the problem.
18:49Pre-dinner chat?
18:51Yes. Did you come up with any
18:53topics of conversation? Oh, yes.
18:55That was the best thing about it.
18:57I only have to mention the think tank and
18:59everyone becomes incredibly fascinated.
19:01Oh, you can see why.
19:03Dinner is served!
19:05Ladies and Bubbles,
19:07I'm proud to present Kerosene.
19:09Kweezing.
19:11Kweezing,
19:13a la Umberto and Bruce.
19:23Bruce, I never realized
19:25you had so many talents.
19:27Thank you, but
19:29really, it's nothing.
19:31I'm a human after all.
19:37Oh, please.
19:45This is sublime.
19:47I've never had such beautiful company.
19:49It's very satisfying serving people, isn't it?
19:53Especially when they're so appreciative.
19:55Can I just say
19:57this is one of the happiest moments of my life.
19:59If I was not going
20:01to be a king,
20:03I think I would be a chef.
20:09Is that a camera?
20:11It's not a camera.
20:15This?
20:17Why, yes, I think it is a camera.
20:19Were you taking photos of me?
20:21Photos of you?
20:23With this camera just then?
20:25Well...
20:27Well, you see, Umberto,
20:29Penn knew what a great time you were having,
20:31so she just thought you should have a memento.
20:35Is that true?
20:37I certainly wish it were true.
20:39I mean, well, yes,
20:41of course.
20:43This is for you.
20:45Oh, you don't know
20:47what this means to me.
20:49Being happy with such good friends is so much
20:51more important than being famous.
20:53That's what Penn always says.
20:55Oh, quite often you hear me say that.
20:57Thank you very much.
21:01Would you mind?
21:19Oh, Stella.
21:21It's nearly midnight.
21:23Can't that wait till morning?
21:25Would you leave it till morning?
21:27Well, no,
21:29but it's my job.
21:31Yeah, well, I'm just
21:33enjoying a human moment.
21:35Bruce,
21:37you'll be a very strange
21:39human.
21:41Yeah, thank you, Mossy.
21:53Thank you.
22:15You're quite a surprise package, aren't you?
22:17A man of hidden talents.
22:19Got any more tricks up your sleeve?
22:21Well...
22:23Ouch!
22:25You've cut yourself.
22:27No, you don't. Not when I've got the opal, mister.
22:29I wish we were back in England right now, Baz.
22:35I wish Mummy's finger was better.
22:41Oh, you kissed a button.
22:45Penelope?
22:47Penelope?
22:49Penelope?
22:53Have you got the film?
22:55No, I gave it to Prince Umberto.
22:59Parcel for Penelope
23:01Pounds.
23:03Oh.
23:05Weren't you...
23:07Aren't you...
23:09I was, but then,
23:11one day, suddenly, I realised
23:13what was important to me.
23:15Freedom.
23:17And a goodbye.
23:19Sign here, please.
23:25So you don't have any proof
23:27that we...
23:29that you met him?
23:31Not one single photograph?
23:33Well, I suppose I do wish that...
23:35Oh, you wish?
23:37Oh, no, actually.
23:39But what about all our friends?
23:41What are we going to say to them?
23:47No.
23:49Idiot.
23:51I've realised that Umberto was right.
23:53Being happy is more important than being popular.
23:55And some magic moments don't need to be shared with everybody.
23:59Thank you, Baz.
24:01No worries.