good
funny
Transcript
00:00Good Cabinet meeting, darling.
00:02I want a triple Scotch.
00:04Oh, it's bad as that. Why?
00:06Apparently the financial crisis is much worse than we thought.
00:10All the Cabinets have got to make cuts in their spending plans.
00:13Oh, Bernard, would you like a Scotch?
00:15Oh, yes, sir. Could I have a large one, please?
00:17Another triple.
00:18Bernard! Humphrey should have seen this coming and warned me.
00:21I don't think Sir Humphrey understands economics, Prime Minister.
00:23He did read classics, you know.
00:25I won't answer frankly.
00:27He's head of the Treasury.
00:28Well, I'm afraid he's an even greater disadvantage in understanding economics.
00:31He's an economist.
00:33It's a public crisis. Can't the Cabinets see they've got to be cuts?
00:36They can see they've got to be cuts in other departments, not in their own.
00:39So this morning you ordered a clampdown?
00:41I can't order anything, darling.
00:43I'm only the Prime Minister.
00:45Are you in charge?
00:46No, I'm not. A leader can only lead by consent.
00:48Consensus. That's democracy.
00:50So who is in charge if you're not?
00:52Well, nobody, really.
00:55There must be.
00:56That's what democracy is all about.
00:58And as if that weren't enough, I've got a deputation of MPs coming to see me this afternoon
01:02about a pay rise I promised them.
01:04What will you say?
01:05I shall say I deeply sympathise, which I don't.
01:07They fully deserve their money, which isn't true.
01:11And that I shall make it my first priority as soon as the crisis is over, which I shan't.
01:15But if they go and vote themselves a whacking great pay rise
01:18and then tell everybody else there's no money for their pay rises,
01:20it doesn't do very much for the dignity of Parliament, which it doesn't.
01:23But aren't they underpaid, in fact?
01:25Underpaid? Backbench MPs, darling.
01:29Being an MP is a vast subsidised ego trip.
01:33It's a job for which you need no qualifications,
01:35there are no compulsory hours of work,
01:37no performance standards,
01:39you've got a warm room and subsidised meals
01:41for a bunch of self-opinionated windbags and busybodies.
01:46You suddenly find people taking them seriously
01:48because they've got the letters MP after their name.
01:50How can they be underpaid
01:52when there are about 200 applicants for every vacancy?
01:56You could fill every seat 20 times over,
01:58even if they had to pay to do the job.
02:00You were a backbench MP only five years ago.
02:03I was the exception.
02:06I was the cream.
02:07I rose to the top.
02:12Do you think what you say will shut them up?
02:14Who knows?
02:15But the public will never stand for MPs giving themselves a pay rise
02:18when they're having to cut back on nurses and teachers.
02:20Nurses and teachers?
02:21Oh, that's a much more serious problem.
02:23No, no, darling, much less serious.
02:25Nurses and teachers can't vote against me till the next election.
02:28Backbenchers can vote against me at ten o'clock tonight.
02:33Humphrey, I've just had a very stormy meeting with my backbenchers.
02:36Oh, I'm so sorry.
02:37I mean, if I'd had some warning,
02:38I could have softened them up a bit in advance.
02:40But the paper only arrived the night before Cabinet.
02:43Oh, indeed, Prime Minister, most regrettable.
02:45Well, it's up to you, Humphrey.
02:47Your Cabinet Secretary,
02:48you must insist that we get papers circulated earlier.
02:51Alas, there are grave problems about circulating papers before they're written.
02:57Why the sudden crisis?
02:58The Treasury must have seen it coming.
03:00Prime Minister, I am not the permanent secretary to the Treasury.
03:02You must ask Sir Frank.
03:04What would Sir Frank say?
03:06It is not for a humble mortal such as I
03:08to speculate on the complex and elevated deliberations of the mighty.
03:13But in general, I think Sir Frank believes that
03:15if the Treasury knows that something has to be done,
03:17the Cabinet shouldn't have too much time to think about it.
03:20But that's an outrageous view.
03:22Yes, indeed. It's known as Treasury policy.
03:25I suppose the Cabinet has questions.
03:27Well, I think Sir Frank's view is that
03:29on the rare occasions when the Treasury understands the questions,
03:32the Cabinet doesn't understand the answers.
03:45.