icing out my SIL after she made fun of my wedding
icing out my SIL after she made fun of my wedding
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00:00My husband, 26M, and I, 24F, recently had our dream wedding themed around dungeons and dragons.
00:08Both of us are huge fans, and we thought it would be a fun and unique way to celebrate our special day,
00:14considering we met via playing the game.
00:16We both wore costumes, with my husband dressed as his eldritch knight PC, and I dressed as a seal archfey.
00:23We even encouraged our guests to dress up, and many of them did, which made the day even more magical.
00:30Most of our friends and family were supportive and seemed to have a great time.
00:34However, my sister-in-law, my husband's brother's wife, 29F, was not so pleased.
00:41She attended the wedding but refused to wear a costume, which was fine since it was optional.
00:46The problem started during the reception when she began making snide remarks about our theme.
00:52She loudly joked about how childish and ridiculous it was for adults to dress up like characters from a game,
00:59and even called it a waste of a wedding.
01:02I tried to brush it off at first, not wanting to cause a scene, but her comments continued throughout the night.
01:08She even said something directly to me about how I looked,
01:12like I was going to a Halloween party rather than my own wedding.
01:15By the end of the evening, I was really hurt and upset.
01:19My husband noticed and confronted her privately, but she brushed it off as just joking.
01:24She made fun of the food we chose to serve, the song we picked for our first dance,
01:30merry go round of life from Howl's Moving Castle,
01:33and even my wedding dress because it wasn't a real wedding dress.
01:37She hurt my feelings severely and when my husband stood up to her she told him our wedding was a nerdy loser wedding.
01:44After the wedding was over my husband stopped talking to her entirely and only has spoken to his brother ever since.
01:50Yesterday, a month after our wedding, we had a dinner party with our immediate families
01:55and I asked my husband if we could refrain from inviting her.
01:59He agreed and said she needed to be on a timeout for disrespecting both of us.
02:04She found out she missed the dinner and is super angry with me,
02:07texting me that I'm an ass and a bitch for not inviting her but still inviting her husband.
02:13I told her that my brother-in-law wasn't disrespectful
02:16and she shouldn't have been surprised we didn't want her around after she badmouthed our wedding.
02:21She told me I was a major asshole and that she was joking and talking about her preferences.
02:27I feel really bad for not inviting her,
02:29but I don't want to see her after she made our wedding about herself and her preferences.
02:34My husband agrees with me but my BIL has since stopped talking to either of us
02:38because we disrespected his wife and that she was just joking and we can't take a joke.
02:46First, the obvious, NTA if I'd were you, she would wait forever for another invite.
02:53Seriously, not in this lifetime.
02:55But to go even further, she directly texted you, not her brother-in-law aka your husband,
03:02no, you.
03:03As if she has a specific itch with you.
03:06And, oh, how fast she was to go from I want to be invited to events you host to.
03:12Bitch wow, real classy that woman.
03:15Also very fucking telling that her own husband went with your invite and left her at home.
03:20I think deep down he is the one giving her the biggest time out.
03:24So, in addition to all else, please keep up the icing out.
03:28Someone who calls you nerdy losers on your own wedding does not deserve to ever get an
03:33invite ever again.
03:35Oh, same of course goes for any family holiday.
03:39Wish you all the best.
03:41Comment 2.
03:42She sounds like a horrible person.
03:45To make fun of someone's preferences is bad enough, but to do it on your wedding day and
03:50upset you is even worse.
03:52She didn't have to like your theme, but she also didn't have to open her mouth.
03:57It's funny how she's just joking now there are consequences to her nasty words.
04:02You're doing the right thing by removing her toxicity.
04:05I'm sorry that happened to you, I think your wedding sounded super cute.
04:09Comment 3.
04:11I do wedding photography off and on.
04:14One of my favorite weddings that I shot was steampunk themed.
04:17Both myself and the other photographer dressed up as steampunk newsies and a good majority
04:23of the guests dressed up as well.
04:25The bride even had a dress change from ceremony to reception and everything was so amazing.
04:31It was a full day affair and I was so exhausted at the end but I have never been to a wedding
04:35like that before or since.
04:38I bet your wedding was absolutely magnificent and something to behold.
04:42You are not wrong for shutting these people out.
04:45NTA
04:49I, 22F, and my husband, 23M, got married young.
04:54I was 18, he was 19.
04:57Both of us knew we always wanted to get married and start a family young.
05:02I started college two years ago and he just graduated with a Bachelor of Biomedical Science.
05:08My husband has a girl best friend, 23F, who I'll call Sam, who he met in college, both
05:14of them grew up Baptist, and while he's left the church, they had a very similar childhood
05:19and bonded quite quickly.
05:21Despite what you may be thinking her and I got along really well.
05:25She and I liked the same music and we were both studying in relatively the same fields
05:30as she became a friend of mine as well.
05:33Since I found out I was pregnant though, some issues have started to arise.
05:38We announced our pregnancy on social media after we told our parents.
05:42Sam texted my husband congrats text and then told him to pass on her well wishes to me.
05:48She's been texting him non-stop with baby advice and what she likes to call advice for
05:53mama which includes sometimes relatively targeted jabs at what I should eat.
05:58Honestly I kept brushing the texts off, but it got a point where the conversations were
06:02less about the baby and more about me which I was getting increasingly uncomfortable with
06:07because she wasn't texting me she was texting my husband.
06:10My husband acknowledged this and has just started to show them to me and ask what I
06:15want him to do.
06:16I just told him to ignore them.
06:19When I announced I was having a baby shower and sent out the invites, I received a text
06:24from Sam.
06:25She said something along the lines of wanting to host my baby shower and set it up.
06:30I told her politely that my mom was planning on hosting it with the help of my sister and
06:34that it was a special moment for them and I wouldn't want to take that away.
06:38Well Sam ignored that message, because the next day, she came over and insisted we start
06:44working out arrangements for the venue.
06:47I told her once again, my mom and sister were hosting it and she told me that she should
06:51take her advice and let her plan it because she'd ensure that the baby shower would be
06:56better if she planned it particularly because she'd be working on the menu.
07:00Whether it was pregnancy hormones or just bottled up rage, I told her that the jabs
07:05she'd been making at me behind my back about my diet during this pregnancy to my husband
07:09are really annoying at that no she cannot host this shower and from now on her unsolicited
07:14advice was not appreciated especially if she can't say it to my face.
07:19That night my husband's phone blew up with messages from Sam saying that he had no right
07:24to show her those messages and they were just supposed to just be health tips because Sam
07:28was studying nutritional science and only wanted to help her best friend and ensure
07:33a happy baby and life.
07:35Honestly I don't know.
07:37I know she had somewhat good intentions and she's been a good friend to my husband and
07:42to me so...
07:42Comment 1
07:44NTA
07:44Your instincts are right on this one.
07:47If the two of you got along so well, why wasn't Sam texting you directly with all her helpful
07:52advice?
07:53This woman sounds like she is trying to insert herself between you and your husband in a
07:58really nasty manipulative way.
08:00I think you need to have a serious discussion with your husband about boundaries.
08:05What did husband say after his phone blew up?
08:08Comment 2
08:10You know what's bad for the baby, stress, and she's adding to it.
08:14Your husband needs to set boundaries with his friend now before he starts looking like
08:19an R.
08:20When the baby comes, neither of you will have time to entertain a third party because you'll
08:25be exhausted.
08:26She sounds borderline crazy.
08:28Make sure she doesn't try to hurt you and keep her far away from the baby.
08:32Comment 3
08:36My friend asked me if I would watch her daughter for a weekend while she went on a trip with
08:40her boyfriend.
08:42So fast forward, my friend drops her daughter off at my place and everything seems to be
08:47going great.
08:48I see her daughter all the time because her mom is a friend LM really close to, so she
08:53wasn't uncomfortable or shy at all and made herself right at home.
08:58A few hours go by and she tells me she needed to use the bathroom, so I show her the toilet
09:03and leave her to do her business.
09:05After about 15 minutes I hear her calling my name so I'll go running to the bathroom
09:10worried that something had happened.
09:12I open the door and ask what's wrong and she replies I need help wiping.
09:17This confused me because this is a 7 year old girl we're talking about, not some toddler
09:22or baby that's still potty training.
09:25I say what do you mean, did something happen?
09:28And she says no, I just went poop.
09:31So I tell her I'm not going to help her wipe she's a big girl and should know how to do
09:35it on her own but she was not budging and refused to do it herself and said that her
09:39mom wipes for her because she says if she did it herself she wouldn't get clean enough.
09:44Ultimately I was disgusted, and maybe I'm in the wrong I understand all parents raise
09:49their kids differently and all children are on their own time frame of learning new things
09:54and such but being a 7 year old and still not wiping your own ash was just beyond me.
10:00After a while of telling her I won't be wiping for her and she is going to have to sit on
10:04the toilet until she decides to do it herself, she starts hysterically crying telling me
10:09she can't do it herself because it's gross and she won't get clean.
10:13At this point I call her mom and explain the situation and making it clear that I will
10:18not be wiping her butt for her.
10:20Thinking my friend would understand my reasoning for not wanting to and tell her daughter she
10:25needs to do it herself this time.
10:27Boy was I wrong, my friend I got in a huge argument over this.
10:32Her telling me how immature I am for not wanting to wipe a little kid's butt and telling me
10:36that I was seriously going to ruin her trip over this because she would have to come back
10:41home and get her child because I'm making her feel bad about how she does things.
10:45I got extremely frustrated over this whole thing, told her she would need to find someone
10:50else to come pick her daughter up and watch her if this was going to be such a big deal
10:55because there was no way in hell I was wiping her 7 year old's ash.
10:59My friend screamed at me about how insanely immature I am, hung up the phone, and about
11:0440 minutes later the daughter's grandma was at my door to pick her up.
11:08So ALTA for not wanting to wipe a 7 year old's butt for them after every shit they take?
11:14Please let me know, I don't have kids of my own and never planned to but I sure as hell
11:19know that when I was 7 I was definitely wiping, comment 1.
11:23NTA the child is 7 years old.
11:26I doubt her teachers or school nurse wipe her ash when she's at school.
11:31If your friend and her mother want to wipe her butt that's their business,
11:34the child is old enough to know how to use the restroom without assistance and or use
11:39wipes if her mother is afraid she's not doing a good job.
11:43Comment 2.
11:44NTA.
11:46That's so gross.
11:47The mom has serious issues if she has her 7 year old convinced that she can't wipe her
11:52own butt at that age.
11:54I have younger cousins and most of my friends have kids.
11:58After 3 years old that stops, and if anything the kids end up with shit stains because they're
12:03so confident that they know how to wipe on their own and don't need any help.
12:07It's a problem that fixes itself, in my experience.
12:143 weeks ago, my, 15F, parents, 41F, 53M, welcomed into the world my twin baby brothers Jonah
12:23and Isaac.
12:24They are the sweetest bundles of joy, but were absolutely oops babies, on account of
12:29my parents' ages.
12:31This is the situation.
12:34Ever since the birth, my mom has been out of the house when the twins have needed something,
12:39in the bathroom, or too busy with whatever she's doing to come and tend to their needs.
12:44I know it's not work because she's a zam.
12:46My dad's never home, and my sister, Neveah, 17F, is too busy planning her wedding, in
12:53a state of mania and breaking down mentally because I don't think she even loves the guy
12:58she's engaged to, to help me with anything.
13:01This leaves the babies to me.
13:03It was fine the first few days it happened, I get that healing from birth sucks and postpartum
13:08depression is a thing, but it doesn't feel fair that these responsibilities keep falling to me.
13:14This Sunday, at 6 in the morning while we were all getting ready for church, it fell
13:19to me to wait the twins, feed them, wash them, change them, and get them dressed.
13:24I also had to load them into the car.
13:27I hardly had time to get myself ready while my family was yelling for me to hurry up and
13:31get in the damn car, Libby, thanks, dad.
13:35I am 15.
13:37I also have marching band responsibilities.
13:40I do not have the mental bandwidth to deal with this.
13:44This leads to today.
13:45My sister and I were having lunch while talking about wedding planning,
13:49she's getting married to our pastor's son, 19M, so it's kinda a big deal.
13:54We were bantering and debating floral arrangements, she was having one of her better mental health
13:59days, when all of a sudden we heard the twins start crying.
14:03They screamed and cried, and I just sat flipping through magazines before I noticed my sister
14:08staring at me.
14:10The interaction went something like this.
14:13Me, what, Neveah?
14:15Neveah, a bit annoyed, aren't you gonna get that?
14:19Me, get what?
14:21Neveah, the twins.
14:23Duh.
14:24I don't know what came over me, but I groaned and yelled that I hated being the boys live-in
14:29nanny instead of their sister, and that I couldn't understand why mom can't take care
14:34of them herself.
14:35I ranted for a while.
14:37I said I hated not being able to get sleep, or even take care of my own needs because
14:42I had to watch out for the boys first.
14:44Neveah got a nasty look on her face and told me I was an ass for trying to make mom's life
14:49harder than it needs to be, and that I should be overjoyed that our parents have bestowed
14:54me the blessing of taking care of our brothers and being able to bond with them while they're
14:58still young.
15:00I asked her that if it was such a blessing, why couldn't she help out?
15:04This made her just get pissy with me and walk away.
15:08It's been a few hours, and my sister still hasn't talked to me.
15:12It's very clear to me that she's been avoiding me, so am I really that much of an a-hole
15:16for not wanting to take care of my brothers?
15:19Comment 1.
15:20NTA and how did your parents' twins become yours?
15:24You didn't have them, your parents did.
15:26And for your sister to just stare at you as if you were neglecting your own kids tells
15:31me that they've all agreed to make you the surrogate parent.
15:34That is wrong on so many levels.
15:37If sis thinks forcing you to be a free nanny is a blessing, then I'd suggest that as a
15:42wedding gift it her.
15:43The blessing of being the new, free nanny.
15:46Sure hope that doesn't put a damper on the honeymoon.
15:50Edit, make sure sis knows you won't be her free nanny either.
15:54Comment 2.
15:56NTA.
15:57I think there should be a small level of everybody pitching in, but what you are being
16:02saddled with is excessive.
16:04You are only 15 and you are not their mother.
16:07Can you talk to your father about this?
16:09Does your mother need medical help with depression?
16:12She and your father need to be primary caretakers and you and your sister should do a little
16:17to help out when necessary.
16:19The fact that your sister turned to you when the babies cried is concerning.
16:23Where was your mother?