Team USA Is Going To Blow It - July 23rd, 2024 - Barstool Rundown
John Rich | Barstool Rundown
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00:00All righty, it's the rundown.
00:06I'm worried about these chairs.
00:08I mean, do we look a little teensy tiny boys,
00:10like if we're all the way back dangling?
00:12Keep them tucked.
00:12I'm in a good spot.
00:13Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:14They propped you up on a, all right, whatever.
00:16He's on a pedestal.
00:17Tuesday, July 23 with Nick and Chef Donnie.
00:20We're brought to you by Simply Safe today.
00:23Have you guys ever been broken into?
00:25Anything happen like that?
00:26I have, yeah.
00:27It sucked.
00:27In college, one summer, I was living in an apartment,
00:31leasing it from somebody.
00:33And the maintenance guys were doing work on it,
00:35going in and out of my room.
00:36I was like, guys, can you not maybe just use the other door
00:38to get to the patio and not use my bedroom?
00:40And then the next day, everything gone.
00:42The security cameras happened to be broken that day.
00:45For sure, the maintenance guys.
00:46During the day?
00:47Yeah, yeah, during the day.
00:48That's the thing.
00:49So according to the FBI, most break-ins
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00:52And they spike in the summer when homes sit unattended
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01:39No, no, no.
01:40Most break-ins happen during the day.
01:41When do you think most break-ups happen?
01:43Ooh.
01:44Probably the night.
01:44You think night?
01:45Middle of the night?
01:45A little booze?
01:46I think the night, yeah.
01:48I think next day you get your whistle.
01:49The morning?
01:50We need to talk.
01:51Yeah, I think it's day.
01:54I'm going night.
01:56Topic number one today, Team USA Basketball survived again.
02:01They are the biggest favorite to win the Olympics by a mile.
02:06They did finish 5-0 in exhibition play,
02:08but they have not looked great.
02:09They beat Germany by four, and they beat South Sudan by one.
02:13Are you nervous?
02:14Yeah, South Sudan is the newest country on Earth.
02:18It became a country in 2011.
02:19Expansion country.
02:20Yeah, they're an expansion country, dude.
02:22We were 43.5-point favorites when we played them,
02:26and LeBron hit basically a game winner at the end of the game.
02:29Yeah, I don't know if I would bet on us to win.
02:34Call me a Benedict Arnold, but yeah.
02:37How disappointing.
02:38So we're huge favorites.
02:39Would it be the biggest disappointment in USA history?
02:43In USA history?
02:45Take sports out of the equation.
02:47Take sports out of the equation?
02:49No.
02:49Didn't we lose the Korean War?
02:50What war did we lose?
02:51Vietnam.
02:52We lost the Vietnam War.
02:52That sucks.
02:53I mean, South Sudan has two NBA players.
02:56Germany has four.
02:57We've got-
02:58All of them.
02:59The rest.
03:00Why are we doing- I don't follow basketball.
03:02I'm probably the worst person to talk about this,
03:03but is everyone else is getting better athlete-wise?
03:06Is that it?
03:06Basketball is just getting more popular,
03:08and I think that's a good thing.
03:10But yeah, if we had these close-up calls,
03:14maybe they'd turn it on and start blowing people out.
03:16But at least, I mean, that South Sudan win really,
03:22probably made a lot of people nervous.
03:23Yeah.
03:23Well, that's like us losing to Japan in football.
03:26Yeah.
03:26That's not great.
03:27Jeff DeLo is our resident Olympic guy.
03:30He swears that we just haven't hit the switch yet,
03:33and we're going to be fine.
03:34I think it's that lib Steve Kerr's rotations, man.
03:37It's about time that he-
03:38Even Warriors fans get frustrated with that.
03:39Does he need to drop out?
03:40Steve Kerr?
03:41Yeah, he's too old.
03:42Is that Eric Spolstra running?
03:43Yeah.
03:44Yeah, he's too old.
03:46Let's have a woman.
03:47That'd be good.
03:49LeBron is carrying-
03:51He's the flag bearer for the United States this year, though.
03:53First time a men's basketball player has ever done it.
03:55Really?
03:56Are you happy with the decision?
03:57Can you think of anyone better?
03:59I mean, this is his last Olympics,
04:01and I think he's done a lot.
04:02So, yeah, give it to LeBron.
04:03Do they always give it to the best?
04:05Like, was Michael Phelps the flag bearer back in-
04:06Had to have been.
04:08Is it always the top athlete?
04:09I'll say this.
04:10I saw a little blog on it.
04:12Actually, I blogged it now that I think of it.
04:13But I was looking back.
04:15They do fencers sometimes.
04:17That's what I thought.
04:18It was always-
04:18Equestrians.
04:19Like a lesser athlete.
04:20Yeah, I don't know, but good for him.
04:22Face of America.
04:24Okay, well, I guess we'll go from an American hero
04:26to an American tragedy.
04:28Netflix documentary,
04:30they're releasing one on Conor Stallions.
04:34What is your take on-
04:35So, it stinks that we're-
04:37It's a mockery of the American justice system,
04:39but let's hear your take on it.
04:41I mean, true crime documentaries are in,
04:44and he's the worst of the worst of criminals, is he not?
04:48That's what I'm most-
04:49They're taking a terrorist and making him-
04:51Who's making all the irons, Bob?
04:52Who's making it?
04:53From what side is producing this documentary?
04:55Is he going to be a hit piece on him
04:56or make him look cool?
04:57What's it called, Stealing Signs?
04:58So, probably not great.
05:00And our boss, Dave Portnoy, is in the documentary.
05:03Whoa.
05:05So, the big thing, though,
05:07is that the investigation hasn't even wrapped up yet.
05:10Conor Stallions refused to talk to the NCAA,
05:13and now he's talking to Netflix and getting paid to do it.
05:16Yeah, I mean, as a neutral party in this,
05:18I have no stake in whether Michigan does good or bad.
05:21I think it's fucking awesome that he was able to do all that,
05:23like secret agent shit, stealing signs,
05:25helping the team from underground,
05:27and I think it'll be a very interesting documentary.
05:29I think it'll come out more of a folklore hero
05:31than beforehand.
05:32I think it kind of pays to be a bad guy,
05:35but not like a murderer,
05:37but like him or like the Fyre Fest dude.
05:39Those guys are getting doxed out the wazoo.
05:41It's beneficial.
05:43And you get the rush of being like a criminal
05:45without having to-
05:47Espionage would have to feel so good.
05:50I don't even know if like a climax would feel as good.
05:54If you performed a successful espionage,
05:57what would you do?
05:58What is there left to do?
05:59I don't know, yeah.
05:59Do you think he was getting super into it
06:00with like getting all like the gear?
06:02Had to have gear.
06:02Yes, yes.
06:03Conor Stallions?
06:04He was on the sideline of Central Michigan
06:07wearing Central Michigan's coaching gear with sunglasses.
06:09That's awesome.
06:10Do you think he's like,
06:11was he sneaking in a stadium studio, fake passes?
06:13Did he have all like-
06:13That's how deep-
06:14The rush.
06:15I don't like the way
06:17that this is going.
06:18No, I think-
06:18I'm gonna idolize him.
06:19This is what's gonna happen on Netflix.
06:20I love tech.
06:21I love espionage.
06:22I love a successful heist.
06:24I always root for the criminal
06:25on like a heist that can pull it off.
06:27Like if you pull off a million,
06:28multimillion dollar like a jewelry heist or anything
06:30or something like this,
06:32credit to you.
06:32Good job.
06:33One thing credit to you,
06:34but this guy was affecting,
06:35let's also as an unbiased party.
06:36Sure.
06:37Jim Trestle in Ohio State basically got the death penalty
06:40for getting tattoos.
06:41And now we're like making a mockery of this guy
06:43that not only affected-
06:44He didn't get the death penalty.
06:45He's at Youngstown State.
06:47We didn't even let him go to the NFL.
06:49And now Jim Harbaugh gets to go right on to Los Angeles.
06:52It's an absolute joke that we're treating this
06:54like it's funny.
06:56And he affected on-field scores
06:58and other people's livelihoods.
07:00Yeah.
07:01So, I mean, what's the domino effect?
07:02Did somebody get fired as a coach
07:04for losing badly to Michigan?
07:05Maybe they go home,
07:07start drinking a little bit too much
07:09because they're unemployed,
07:10eventually kill themselves and their family.
07:12Put it in the Netflix documentary.
07:13Yeah.
07:14It's domino effect.
07:15Okay.
07:16Did you guys see the eBay employees harassment scheme?
07:19I didn't know eBay had employees.
07:20I didn't either.
07:21eBay, shout out.
07:22How long has eBay been around?
07:23It was like,
07:24since one of the first websites here.
07:25I don't know, like 1.0.
07:26Yeah. Amazon and eBay.
07:27Still cooking.
07:28So I bought Exodia off of eBay.
07:29Got it fake.
07:30Fake one?
07:31Dude, I got a fake one too.
07:32And I used it in a duel and I got called out.
07:33Yeah, dude.
07:34That's one of the more embarrassing moments.
07:35You getting caught with a fake Exodia in a duel.
07:37Yeah, it's not great.
07:38I did have from a pack,
07:40I got the left arm
07:41and you can't do anything with left arm.
07:43It's like 400 attacks, 600 offense.
07:45But I still put it in my deck
07:47just to fucking flex a little bit.
07:48That's good.
07:49You couldn't do anything with it.
07:50I blew eyes by a dragon too.
07:50Fake, fake, all fake.
07:51Yeah, I was tribute fodder for my summon skull.
07:53Anyway.
07:54The way this story goes is a lady runs her own blog.
08:00Like think about like a mom and pop type,
08:02like Frank the Tank encyclopedia type website.
08:05Like nothing.
08:06Frank has an encyclopedia.
08:07Encyclopedia, sorry.
08:09Nothing fancy.
08:11She wrote a blog about eBay
08:14groundbreaking news that the CEO
08:17makes 150 times the average eBay employee.
08:21That makes sense.
08:22That's normal for CEOs, isn't it?
08:23Yeah.
08:24You would think.
08:25But what does, okay.
08:26I couldn't imagine.
08:27How many employees do you think eBay has?
08:29I'm sure they have some people for updates
08:31and running stuff and running.
08:33Customer service too.
08:34I feel like that's it.
08:35But like, yeah.
08:36It's like Craigslist.
08:37How many employees in Craigslist?
08:38None.
08:39I bet you were really underestimating.
08:40May I Google?
08:41Yeah, please do.
08:42Or Bing?
08:43Do they have an office?
08:44They have to.
08:45eBay is a.
08:46Yeah, I guess.
08:47They're huge.
08:47Yeah, no.
08:48They're huge.
08:49They own StubHub.
08:50Yeah, okay.
08:51I use Game Time.
08:52Yeah.
08:52With that being said,
08:54as you find this,
08:55so the mom.
08:5612,000.
08:57Okay.
08:58Holy shit.
08:59So.
09:00Big company.
09:00That's a lot of employees.
09:01And the CEO makes more money.
09:02We're gonna look so dumb.
09:03This is tough.
09:04They also,
09:05the one lady that runs her own blog
09:07also was saying that eBay was poaching customers
09:10from Amazon.
09:12What do completely different sites do?
09:14What do you think eBay's response was
09:17to this single lady
09:18that runs her own WordPress blog?
09:22Do they sue her?
09:22Kill her?
09:23Take everything from her?
09:24Worse than both.
09:25Well, they started by sending threatening DMs
09:27and nothing happened.
09:29So they assembled a team.
09:30John Rich,
09:31if this is a fake story,
09:33this is ridiculous.
09:34Assembled a team of seven employees,
09:36sent them to Boston,
09:3720 miles from the small town where the lady lived.
09:40Sent a couple of dead pig fetuses,
09:44live cockroaches,
09:45a bloody pig mask,
09:46a book titled,
09:47How to Survive the Loss of a Loved One,
09:49a funeral wreath,
09:51sent porn to the neighbors with the husband's name on it.
09:55This eBay squadron did this?
09:56All seven employees.
09:57I wanna work for eBay.
09:59Wait, I wanna work for this eBay crack base.
10:01Posted the lady's address online,
10:03advertising yard sales and sex parties,
10:05and then followed around in vans and cars
10:08all because they pointed out
10:11that the CEO was making more money.
10:13There's no way.
10:14Dude, maybe it's because they have 12,000 employees.
10:16Most of them don't know what to do.
10:18They started doing this shit on their own.
10:19Yeah, they're bored as fuck.
10:19They're all vigilantes.
10:20They traced it back to them.
10:22They caught them based on using a rental car address.
10:25Four are now in jail,
10:26three are on house arrest,
10:28and eBay had to pay them $3 million.
10:30That seems low.
10:32Yeah, 3 million's low,
10:33but I mean, good for them.
10:34She got, that's a big payday.
10:36Holy shit.
10:37I need that to happen to me one time.
10:39That's crazy.
10:40Write a blog about a company.
10:41So I should write a mean blog about someone
10:43and then-
10:44Yeah, get Etsy.
10:45Yeah, get someone on eBay adjacent.
10:47Damn.
10:48Wow, damn.
10:49eBay's-
10:50Yeah, and it was like high,
10:51it was like legitimate security
10:53and marketing people from eBay.
10:55They run it like the mall.
10:57Yeah, I kinda respect eBay more now.
10:59I don't know if that goes to show
11:00what kind of person I am,
11:01but damn, that's a good-
11:02I'm afraid of them.
11:03That's crazy.
11:04And I don't wanna get on their bad side
11:05and I'll keep buying my early 2000s ads off of there.
11:09You ever get banned from eBay?
11:10I got banned from eBay.
11:11Were you trying to sell stuff on something fake?
11:12I was selling fake shoes.
11:13Yeah.
11:14I was big into Nike's and Chinese.
11:16Were you selling them as they were real shoes?
11:19I, it was, it wasn't-
11:21Gray area.
11:22Clear, it was gray.
11:23I said, yeah, good price, buy these shoes.
11:24But they, some of them came in-
11:26Did you even like write it?
11:27Like a Chinese seller?
11:28Good price, buy these shoes?
11:31It wasn't my bad.
11:31Dude, I was in middle school, man.
11:32I'm just trying to flip and make a quick buck.
11:34I sold fake Beats, fake shoes.
11:36Oh, wow.
11:37Yeah, I was into-
11:38You were the bad boy of eBay.
11:39Yeah, well, they didn't last long.
11:40Like, they got me.
11:41It was probably the same detail.
11:42Surprised they didn't come-
11:43I got my prized possession from eBay.
11:44What is it?
11:45It's a Vince Carter jersey card,
11:46but he's wearing camouflage, like an army uniform in it.
11:49And it's a piece of the camo in it.
11:51Oh, wow.
11:52How much did you pay for that?
11:53Probably like $12.
11:55Nice.
11:55But I was, I was a young buck.
11:57And that was a lot.
11:58I had to have the Vince Carter jersey.
12:00Any more on that one?
12:01Or did you-
12:02No, I think it was, I think I,
12:03I would buy it now, guys, eBay.
12:04I don't bid, I don't have the, I don't have the balls.
12:07I go buy it now too, but I wish it wasn't a feature.
12:10Yeah.
12:10Give me an old fashioned auction.
12:11Give me the rush.
12:12The bidding is fun.
12:14Sharks off the coast of Brazil tested positive for cocaine.
12:19They brought in 13 sharks because they were like testing,
12:23do drug smugglers dump out their drugs?
12:25Does it affect the animals?
12:26All 13 tested positive at a rate of 100 times more cocaine
12:32than the other sea animals.
12:33Sharks love cocaine.
12:34Sharks love coke.
12:36Probably not the worst sea animal to be on blow.
12:41I think a dolphin would have its way with me.
12:43Yeah.
12:44Yeah.
12:45Dolphin on blow.
12:46You'd get raped.
12:46Unless he couldn't get it up.
12:48I don't know.
12:49A shark on blow is terrible.
12:50Sharks are already scary enough.
12:51Imagine one of those 10 times as fast.
12:53Orca on blow would suck.
12:55I wouldn't trust octopi are too smart to be on blow.
12:59I don't know, man.
13:00Shark on blow is terrible.
13:01Did you see that?
13:02Speaking of orcas,
13:03I saw a shark get killed by an orca yesterday.
13:05Oh, orcas would fuck.
13:06Orcas are horrifying.
13:07Orcas are big whale, right?
13:08But how are they getting the coke?
13:09Is it just dissipated in the water
13:11and they're swimming it just through osmosis?
13:12Yes.
13:13That feels like it's not that strong.
13:14But what it seems like is that the other animals
13:17are getting that.
13:17They're like seeking it out to the point where that's like.
13:20They're addicted to cocaine.
13:21They're addicted.
13:22Is that a bad thing?
13:24That's probably not great.
13:24Do we have to fix this?
13:25How much coke is in the system of like a shark though?
13:28Can they test how strong it is in them?
13:30I don't know.
13:31If they're dumping.
13:32Get Sidney Wells on it.
13:34I mean, imagine like getting a coke high
13:36from like eating a fucking halibut, dude.
13:38That would be awesome.
13:39Oh, that would be.
13:40Holy shit.
13:41Like getting mercury poisoning
13:42if you eat too much fish.
13:42Yeah.
13:43Dude, you catch me rubbing albacore on my gums.
13:45That would be nuts.
13:46Oh, that's good shit.
13:47That would be nuts.
13:49And then finally, here in Chicago,
13:51big disaster yesterday.
13:52The Wienermobile crashed.
13:54It rolled over like the fucking things in 7-Eleven.
13:57It was just kept on going.
13:58Wasn't that just here?
13:59That was the peanut.
14:00Ah.
14:01You're using your mobiles.
14:02Which brings us to the question,
14:04we need more road advertising.
14:05What would be good road advert?
14:08Like can we get like a driving high noon can down the road?
14:10Yeah, like I'm a huge mobile guy from Pope to Wiener,
14:16which is a pretty, not that much separation.
14:20But yeah, it's great advertising.
14:22Everybody loves it.
14:24Is it?
14:25I want a T-shirt in the peepmobile.
14:28What's a peepmobile?
14:28That's the one for peeps.
14:30There's a peepmobile.
14:30Like a marshmallow goes down?
14:33Yeah, the marshmallow peeps, they have a mobile.
14:35What's the origin of it?
14:36When's it become a float?
14:37A mobile or a float?
14:38Are they kind of one and the same?
14:39No, God no.
14:40And you're gonna get fucking found in the comments.
14:43Yeah, no.
14:44Mobile industry coming at you.
14:45No, it's black and white.
14:46It's very different.
14:47I think floats are.
14:48Slow?
14:49I don't even have the time to.
14:50Okay, yeah, I was really wrong on that one.
14:52I just didn't,
14:53can you make anything into a fucking
14:55street legal mobile then?
14:56I think mobiles almost just have to be
14:58long and huge and metal.
15:00I think mobiles are tougher.
15:02Okay, all right.
15:03Chef Donnie, would you get into the mobile game
15:05for maybe your cooking stuff?
15:07Yeah, I'm trying to think what I would do.
15:08Like that hasn't been,
15:09I feel like the hot dog is a perfect one.
15:11Peanut, it's already the right shape.
15:13You need the shape.
15:14It's a company that has, yeah, like what would.
15:15Maybe like a big knife would be kind of cool.
15:18That'd be awesome.
15:19Or yeah, just start doing appliances.
15:21Big fridge.
15:23I don't know if I have a cucumber.
15:25I'm trying to think of other shapes.
15:27A cucumber would work.
15:28Cucumber would work.
15:28Pickles, yeah, I'm sure.
15:29Pickle mobile.
15:30Oh, Heinz has to.
15:31Does Heinz have a pickle mobile or a Vlasic?
15:34Who else is making pickles these days?
15:35A tube of ketchup would be nice.
15:37Go-gurt would be kind of.
15:38A go-gurt tube.
15:39A go-gurt would be a good one.
15:40I don't know if they have the funds for a mobile.
15:42Are they done?
15:42How much do you think a mobile is?
15:44I don't know, probably like 60,000.
15:46No way, way more than that.
15:47Too much?
15:48They're huge.
15:49No, I would guess probably 300 grand.
15:50Did you see the peanut thing the other day?
15:52I didn't see it.
15:53I just heard it was here.
15:54Oh my goodness.
15:54But what's that?
15:55I mean, what's the price of an RV?
15:57It's a bigger RV and it's shaped like a big peanut.
15:58Can you live in it?
15:59Custom made.
16:01Can you live?
16:01All right, so the retired Wienermobiles,
16:03you can buy it for seven grand.
16:04All right, there you go.
16:06I might.
16:07Donnie, you should, yeah.
16:09Dude, you should live in it.
16:10That would be kind of awesome.
16:12There's one on Craigslist, carbon copy.
16:13All right, you gotta send me this link.
16:15I might consider that.
16:17Repaint it, wrap it.
16:18Yeah, what would you?
16:20I mean, something.
16:22Something fell.
16:23Dude, that looks nice as fuck.
16:24That's only seven grand?
16:26That one's seven grand.
16:27Would we be able to park it in the parking lot here?
16:30Probably.
16:30I don't know.
16:31We could probably put it in the garage.
16:32That's like the animatronic band at Chuck E. Cheese.
16:34I tried to buy, you can buy those for around seven grand.
16:36The whole thing.
16:37Oh yeah, I did a GoFundMe to try to buy Mr. Munch,
16:40the drummer.
16:42What'd you get?
16:43I made a video so I could buy it and fuck it.
16:45It was before I even worked here.
16:46I just had a lot of time on my hands.
16:48So not for content, just for?
16:49No, I didn't even work here.
16:50I was a professional.
16:52And this one guy DMed me, he showed me his bank account.
16:57He's like, I'll buy you the entire Mr. Munch
16:59if you send me a video of you fucking it.
17:02Deal?
17:03No, I didn't.
17:04Oh my God, you should've done that.
17:05No, but I, yeah.
17:06Stop.
17:07Any animatronic, any mobile.
17:08I love advertising, dude.
17:10Yeah.
17:11All right, post show, first of all, shout out Marty Mush.
17:13Did you guys see his first pitch yesterday?
17:15Unbelievable.
17:16Same.
17:17Lifelong Cubs fan.
17:17Yeah.
17:26That was big time.
17:27People have been chirping me.
17:29Shout out Marty Mush, shout out,
17:30I think Frank the Tank is doing one.
17:32Dude, what if you're the last person here
17:34to throw out a first pitch?
17:35I don't even hate it.
17:36I think.
17:37Pirates, please, let me, hit me up.
17:39Fasolis, you mean throwing out?
17:41That would hurt.
17:42I'll say this, if Fasoli throws one out before me,
17:44series is canceled.
17:46I think Wednesday.
17:48Frank the Tank, I think, is throwing one out
17:49at the Guardians game.
17:50Really?
17:51That's, man.
17:52And I'm driving two and a half hours
17:53to throw one out in Beloit, Wisconsin at the same time.
17:56Is that his third first pitch?
17:57He's had a couple now.
17:58Yeah, he's a mega star.
17:59This series, which you should check out,
18:02you, if you just curse yourself
18:05and everybody's throwing out first pitches
18:07without having to go through the trials and tribulations.
18:10That's my thing.
18:11So I'm trying to make it to the majors
18:12and people are like tagging me,
18:14like Tate's gotta be hurt.
18:16Listen, the series is starting T-ball
18:18and get to the majors.
18:19It's not to get just the majors.
18:20I'm earning my way there.
18:22They didn't fucking earn it, right?
18:23They didn't earn it.
18:24They gotta, if I've learned one thing about working here
18:25is you gotta earn it, so.
18:27All right, and then the other thing, Nick,
18:29this is specifically for you.
18:30Donny, you weren't in Rat Race, were you?
18:32I was not.
18:33Rat Race starts, debuts Thursday,
18:35unless you wanna get a sneak peek on Wednesday.
18:38At the Barstool River North Bar.
18:40Can you give us some like, I don't know,
18:42like a trailer, but not give anything away?
18:44How's it gonna be?
18:46I won.
18:47Breaking news.
18:50It looked like a blast.
18:53Are you going to the River North?
18:54Yeah, I'll be there.
18:55I'll be there.
18:55I'll be sipping drinks.
18:57I don't fucking know, yeah.
18:58And I think you're watching,
18:59I think I saw you're watching the first half.
19:01Yeah, Clemmer doesn't want any spoilers.
19:02That's crazy, but all right.
19:05Yeah, so travel in to watch the first half
19:07or you could stay in your home
19:08and wait one day to see it on your own.
19:14Show the whole thing, man.
19:16All right, you guys got anything else?
19:17That's all I got.
19:18God bless.
19:19All right, that's a run down.
19:20See ya.