Frasier Season 5 Episode 11 Ain't Nobody's Bu Siness If I Do
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00:00Oh I got your message about the wine club Friday night and yes I will be
00:06there. Oh good dad's kicking me out of the house that night so he and Sherry
00:10can have a little party. Oh you know life really is a circle isn't it. I'm letting
00:20dad use my place for his friends to get together and just a few years ago but if
00:25my dad would have to leave his house for my parties. Yes if you'd had any parties
00:30when we were young that would be filled with irony.
00:37Thank goodness you're here. I've got some rather shocking news. What is it? I found
00:44a ring in your father's underwear drawer. What on earth would leave a ring around
00:50his underwear drawer?
00:58Not around in an engagement ring in a jewelry box. Engagement ring dad must be
01:06about to ask Sherry to marry him. Do you know what that means? Yes. We're gonna
01:10hear what Mendelssohn's wedding march sounds like on the banjo. It means she's
01:18going to be our mother. What are we gonna do? Well there's nothing we can do
01:23Niles. It's what dad wants. But what do we even call her? I suppose you want us to
01:29call her mother. No that's too formal. Mama. No ma. Oh better still don't you
01:38look nice. Ma. Yes I'd love another corn dog. Ma.
01:46Off to the roller derby ma. That's typical of you two. Your father is about
01:55to get married and all you can think about is how it will affect you. What's
02:00about me? What about you? Sherry's never exactly liked me. You don't think she'll
02:07try to make your father get rid of me do you? Oh no Daphne of course not. He'd be lost
02:12without you. And even if by some chance that were to happen Daphne I could
02:17always use you. But I would know of a position you could take.
02:27Services that you could perform. I would know of an opening. This is on me.
02:41Marty you need to stir the dip more. It's got whole lumps of soup mix in it.
02:47Sorry. My my my. Quite a little shindig you two planning for tonight huh? You have the
02:59cheese logs, erotic fortune cookies for after dinner or bloopers tape. Too hot
03:14for hee-haw. See that Martha Stewart party book I gave you really paid off.
03:23Oh this old crowd they wouldn't go for that frou-frou stuff. Get them liquored up,
03:28put out some corn nuts and they can go all night. Would you say all night? There
03:33you go. Smooth as silk. Thank you. Who's going to be attending this soiree? Oh
03:40just some old friends I'm dying for Marty to meet. Now let's see there's Ray
03:46and Lola Sherwood. Well I worked with them in Atlantic City when they had a
03:50knife-throwing act. Oh now Marty try not to stare at her eyes. She gets
03:57self-conscious.
04:01And let's see. Oh and Edie's coming with her new fiance. Oh she's finally met him
04:10just this week. They're engaged and they just met this weekend? Well you see up
04:19until now it's been kind of a pen pal relationship. He's been detained the last
04:25few years. Well you know you're going to need some room for those corn nuts. Why
04:32don't I just get this pesky Price and Sculpture out of your way?
04:38Marty I never heard back from Vic and Linda. Did you get a message? No. Oh gee
04:44maybe they left one on my machine. So what are you guys up to tonight?
04:55Our wine club is having a vertical tasting of the Opus One. Oh well don't
05:01drink too much. Oh it's not like that dad you don't actually drink the wine you
05:06just swish it around and spit it out. We all did that at Duke's New Year's Eve
05:10party. Of course it wasn't wine it was egg salad.
05:20You know that is so weird. I just got a message from my manager down at McGinty.
05:24Some guy came in asking a lot of questions about me. What kind of
05:28questions? Well like where I used to work, the people I used to date, and the
05:33weirdest part is my neighbor told me somebody came around asking her about me
05:37too. Sounds like somebody's checking up on you. You mean like a detective? Oh no it's
05:42probably a credit card company something like that I wouldn't worry about it.
05:46Well still it is a little scary I wish I knew who it was. Oh forget it honey I've
05:52been through this before. Private investigators never leave a trail. Really
05:57could be anyone. Which one of you hired him? That is just crazy. Oh come on who
06:06else would have the money to do something like that? I have no idea we
06:10had nothing to do with it. Do you really think that we were hiring someone to spy
06:13on Sherry? My god I'm insulted. As am I. Well all right maybe I was jumping to the
06:20wrong conclusion. Most certainly have. I'm sorry boys. It's all right dad just
06:27forget about it. You hired a detective how could you? I've never been so insulted.
06:35Okay I'm sorry I just. I was looking out for dad here I mean what do we really
06:41know about this woman? She makes dad happy that's all we need to know. Is it?
06:46Some people do get married before they know all they should. Remember cousin
06:49Donald? He was married two years before he found out his wife used to be a man.
06:54Yes. Well cousin Donald is a very rare case. First most people don't have a
07:01hidden past and second most people have a better eye for details than cousin
07:06Donald. For God's sake the woman could pick up a watermelon with one hand.
07:14I was just simply trying to get some background information. Well stop it.
07:23Call it off right now. Consider it done. All right. We've got to run. Yeah.
07:29Goodbye. Bye boys. Have a nice time you two. We'll save you some cake. Thank you.
07:35You see that how sweet she is? My god I can't believe you're actually having
07:40that woman investigate. You know try having a little trust in people.
07:45Quick. Someone following me? Oh yes. Lady of all now. Excuse me ma'am. I saw you
08:01cross against the light. I'm gonna have to write you a ticket. Oh listen I'm
08:05really sorry about that. It's just that it's so cold out there and the pollution
08:10and I just didn't want to expose my unborn child to the elements any longer
08:16than I needed to. You're pregnant. Well I know a little bit about that myself.
08:23Yeah you know exactly what I'm talking about. Society doesn't go easy on
08:28pregnant ladies does it? So what do you do? I'm not pregnant.
08:41That's Roz Doyle. You want to step over here please. R-O-Z. Hello Niles. Oh hello
08:54Frazier may I borrow your pen? Certainly. How do you do? I appreciate all your hard
09:01work and I am sorry to have to break off the investigation in the middle. That's
09:07all right. People change their minds all the time. I'm sure they do. There you are.
09:13Thank you. Goodbye. There now don't you feel better? I suppose so. I was right on
09:24this one. You had absolutely no justification for giving in your basic
09:30instincts and prying into Sherry's past. I almost forgot I wrote up a little
09:36report on what I found out so far. That's one interesting lady.
09:49Well I should have just told him to drop that in the trash. After all we're
09:54concerned with dad's happiness. Sometimes Frazier you are like a beacon piercing
09:59the fog of my baser instincts. Excuse me miss would you just drop that in the
10:04trash. Proving your point. I hate myself for what I'm doing. Frazier we're doing it for dad's
10:14own good. Well so far so good. Graduated from high
10:22school. Almost paid off his Subaru. Has she been married? Yes she mentioned that to
10:33Johnny Dempsey. There were two others. Ned Foley. Mark Wallace. That's a bit
10:43troubling. Three previous marriages? Vincent Mayhew.
10:51Milton Mandel. Waltz. Just give me the total. Six. That we know of. You had to go
11:02and fire that detective before he finished his report. Six husbands? Yes. She's
11:11obviously incapable of remaining in the relationship. Doesn't bode well for the
11:16marriage does it? On the upside it does bode well for dad getting a yes when he
11:20proposes. So he has a right to know about this. Yes but we already told him we
11:27weren't involved in the investigation. We can't just tell him now we were lying.
11:31There's some way to impart the information without explaining how we
11:35came by it. You know just sort of drop it casually in the conversation. And how
11:39would that go? Oh dad you're going to the Sherry ex-husband convention this year?
11:46Besides that you know dad may know everything already. Well I think we need
11:51to find that out. How would we feel if we let dad marry this woman and in a year's
11:56time he's tossed aside like Danny Mitchell. Who's that? Page five. Engaged
12:01but never married.
12:07Hey boys. Hey dad. Hi. Dad what do you think about this jacket? I don't know just
12:14something just doesn't quite feel right. I think it's nice. You know dad I was
12:21talking with a lady today down at the cafe. I happened to mention that I'd been
12:25married twice before. Oh a look clouded over her face as if I had confessed to
12:31some unspeakable sin. Hmm makes you wonder what people go through who've
12:36been married even more times than that. Quite a taboo they face. Oh I don't know.
12:42So you know dad I think it all harkens back to puritanical street that still
12:49runs through this country. What do you think? There's a yackety-yack street that
12:54runs through this family.
12:59Maybe it's the shirt. Do you like this shirt? Yes it's nice. I make a good topic to
13:05discuss on my show Niles. You know the hurdles that are faced by people with
13:10multiple marriages. Of course the hard part would be rounding up enough people
13:15who've been married a significant number of times. Do you know anyone? No I don't.
13:21You know Mrs. Krantz upstairs. How about you dad? Oh yeah sure I know some people. Really you do?
13:31Well I think. You think? Well maybe I do maybe I don't. Who cares? I hate this shirt.
13:38I gotta go change this shirt.
13:42Well that was fruitless. I'll tell you one thing I'm sure of.
13:49Guinness. Oh I'm allowed to talk now am I?
13:57I've never seen your father so nervous. He's meeting Sherry at McGinty's and I
14:02bet he's planning to pop the question. Well that's it Frasier we're just going
14:08to tell him what we found out. We still don't know what he knows. Don't you think
14:12if she had told him she'd been married six times that he would remember? Who
14:15Sherry? You know maybe this shirt isn't so bad. Especially with this new jacket. What do
14:22you think of this new jacket? I think it's nice. Sherry's been married six times.
14:28Who told you that? They did.
14:39What's this all about? You know I'd love to see that first shirt with the second
14:44record. Oh come on. You got this from the investigator you did hire him didn't you?
14:50All right I guess there's no use in denying it yes yes we did hire him
14:57although the word we is not entirely accurate. Frasier I am shocked. Oh shut up Niles.
15:08Look Deb we were just concerned about you. We know about the engagement ring. My
15:15ring? Which one of you went through my drawers? All right now pointing fingers
15:19is not gonna do us any good. What the hell is the matter with you two? She did it.
15:27Well it's nice to know there isn't a single person in this house I can trust.
15:32Sherry told me about her marriage is the first week of our dating. I didn't tell
15:37you because it's none of your damn business just like it's none of your
15:40damn business who I marry or who I don't marry. I don't know why I'm even wasting
15:45my time talking to you. You see what I get for confiding in you two blabber mouths?
15:51The next time I find something interesting in your father's underwear
15:55drawer I'm just gonna sit on it.
16:07Well this evening is an entire disaster. I'm already late for dinner with
16:16Maris. I just don't know how this could have happened. Yes who'd have guessed
16:23that something so innocent as spying on a man's girlfriend and rifling his
16:27underwear drawer could turn so ugly.
16:31Well there is one consolation. We told dad the truth and we were able to bear
16:37his anger. That's the nice thing about our relationship. We're all adults. We can
16:44talk things through. We're not afraid of confrontation. Stop stalling now. Dad
16:49must be on the elevator by now.
16:54Look what you found in your father's jacket. I do not want to know about it. He forgot the ring.
17:00This is gonna be embarrassing for him. I suppose I could take it down to him.
17:05No no Daphne. I should do that. Give me an excellent opportunity to show him just
17:12how happy I am that he's marrying Sherry. That will be very nice. Yes I just can't
17:18figure out why he would propose in a place like McGinty's. Seems like such a
17:23shabby setting. Well I guess he was just trying to match the ring.
17:35So I told her that you and I would take a trip up there this spring. Well you
17:41like my sister right? Yeah sure. Oh now come on Martin you can't hold one
17:48little embarrassing moment against her. She didn't know you were in there. No no I
17:55don't. No I like your sister. Well then what is wrong with you? You're being so quiet. I got
18:03something on my mind. Well what is it? I've been thinking a lot about us and
18:14what do you see us going? Well I don't know. I mean I'm having fun the way things are. You
18:23have your life. I have mine. No pressure. Yeah that's what I thought you'd say. Is
18:29there something wrong with that? Just having fun? No it's we've been just
18:35having fun for a long time now. Let me ask you something. What do you see us in
18:42a year? Five years? Oh gee I don't know. I try not to look too far ahead. Well I
18:56guess that's the difference between us because I can't stop thinking that far
19:01ahead. You know I've come to realize Sherry that I want to get married again
19:15and you know that's not anything that you're interested in. Well can you
19:23blame me? I mean Marty you know my track record. I've been down that road a lot of
19:31times. I mean I I've learned the hard way. I'm not looking for forever.
19:41I am. So you're you're breaking up with me? We're just looking for different
19:53things Sherry. I'm sorry.
20:01It's hot in here. Yeah.
20:14Dad! Dad! What? Can't he see you here? Get out of here! Please! Listen I've got something with me here that I
20:23think you might like to have before you tell Sherry what it is you want to tell
20:26her. Oh he's already told me. He has? Well that is just wonderful to me. I say it's
20:36about time. I couldn't be happier for you. Well that's nice to know. I'd like you to
20:43know that everybody is 100% behind this decision. My god we're all so excited.
20:49Well I'm so glad that you're so happy your father is breaking up with me.
20:56Breaking up?
21:04I had no idea. And you get paid to help people through their difficult moments.
21:19It isn't easy saying goodbye is it? No it doesn't get any easier either. I should
21:27know. Listen Marty this is usually the time people say well let's be friends
21:36and then oh there's a phone call or two but they never see each other again. Well
21:46I just want you to know that I am around for you if you ever get lonely or you
21:53just need to talk.
22:02Thanks. Oh and when you call if a man answers hang up.
22:16Hi Dad. Obviously I came down here to bring you this.
22:44Obviously I made another colossal blunder in a week full of them. I'm
22:52really sorry Dad. Guess you don't really feel like talking huh? You know Frasier
23:02sometimes I just feel like sitting and watching a game all right? Fine I can do
23:13that. Yeah sure. Well I saw the Sonics and the Bulls. Huh that Jordan he's really
23:27something huh? Yeah. The way he scores those points and gets the ball back when
23:38you have a team missing. Wow well that's incredible he made the same impossible
23:46shot twice in a row. It's the instant replay.
23:56You know I was carrying this thing around for a month. Really? Yeah but at
24:07the end of every night I just I just couldn't pop the question and then I
24:17realized it was because I knew what the answer would be. She didn't want to get
24:24married again. I'm sorry Dad. Oh it's all right. Maybe it wouldn't have worked out between us anyway.
24:37Mom's a hard act to follow. I never went through anything like this with her.
24:47We knew we were meant to be together and that was that.
24:56It's hard to find that out there. I've been trying for a while.
25:04You'll get there.
25:11Hope we both do. You know Dad in time...
25:19That was quite a shot. Peyton's been pretty hot lately. What's the score here anyway?
25:35Sonics are only down by five so I got a chance to make an old Jordan. Can I get a beer here please?
25:40Yeah make that two.
25:50Hey baby I hear the blues are calling tossed salads and scrambled eggs quite
25:59stylish and maybe I seem a bit confused well maybe but I got you pegged but I
26:10don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs they're calling
26:17again Frasier has left the building