Frasier Season 7 Episode 6 Rivals
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00:00Hey, Frasier!
00:01Hello, Poppy.
00:02You should have your hearing checked. I've been yelling, wait up, for the last four blocks.
00:06Well, I must be getting old.
00:08Like an old man could walk that fast. You were practically running the last block.
00:12Did I ever tell you about my uncle who ran everywhere? He ran to the store.
00:16Well, that's a very amusing story. I'll see you at the station, all right?
00:20Roz!
00:22Good God, thank God you were here.
00:24I know exactly how you feel.
00:26Last week I was ducked into a bathroom stall to get away from her,
00:28and there were three other women already in there.
00:34Roz.
00:34Listen, I have a favor to ask.
00:36This friend of mine is running this charity dinner dance Friday night.
00:38Oh, Roz, say no more.
00:40What are they, an autographed picture for their silent auction?
00:43That would be a silent auction.
00:45Oh, very funny.
00:47No, what I was hoping you would do is buy some tickets. They're only 100 bucks each.
00:51Oh, I don't know, Roz. You know, I'd have to take a date.
00:54Seattle does have certain expectations about the sort of person I should be seen with.
00:57Well, that's easy. Here he is. Let's see if he's free.
01:01I'll let you know.
01:02Hey, Roz.
01:04Frasier.
01:05Mind if I join you?
01:06Well, actually, I'm not staying. I'm avoiding someone.
01:11Who?
01:11He's the new so-called arts critic at the station, popping.
01:16The woman drives me mad, gassing on endlessly about the most mundane matters.
01:21It's absolutely infuriating, as is that smirk of yours.
01:26Well, I'm sorry I've noticed that not a day goes by that you don't badmouth this woman.
01:32Well, with good reason. The woman is a windsock.
01:36I'm wondering if someone isn't protesting a bit too much.
01:40She's very attractive, obviously well-bred.
01:44Perhaps all this pigtails-in-the-inkwell hostility is actually a latent attraction.
01:49Oh, well, bravo, Dr. Crane. Yes, I think you're really on to something there.
01:53Hey, where'd Roz go?
01:54Oh, she dashed off to the office. We're going to continue our meeting there.
01:58You know, Poppy, I was just telling my brother what an enchanting storyteller you are.
02:03Why don't you take my seat and he can find out for himself.
02:09Ta-ta.
02:11Well, nice to finally meet you, Poppy.
02:16Must be quite a story behind that name.
02:20Yes.
02:25So, you're the new arts critic at the station. That must be interesting.
02:33Oh, yes.
02:36Okay, well, um, if you don't feel like talking, I should really be running anyway.
02:41No, don't go. I'm just amazed at how different you are from your brother.
02:48He's sort of intimidating. I get so flustered around him, I just start babbling.
02:53But you, you're different. You're very warm.
03:00Thank you. So are you.
03:04And polite, not to mention stylish and charming and incredibly handsome.
03:15Oh, my God. Am I babbling again?
03:18If you were, I'd be too charming and polite to tell you.
03:22Well, what the hell are you doing?
03:38I've been waiting for 20 minutes.
03:43I am so sorry.
03:47You're probably wondering who I am.
03:50I'm mildly curious.
03:53I was in the shower, my shower.
03:57Uh, I just moved in next door.
04:00I probably should have started with that, huh?
04:02Anyway, oh, I'm Regan Shaw, by the way.
04:04Nice to see you.
04:05Anyway, uh, the doorbell rang and I figured it was the phone guy,
04:09because I've been waiting all day long.
04:11So I ran to catch him and stepped down into the hallway and locked myself out.
04:17Luckily, luckily, your father came along.
04:23Hi, Frank.
04:25Yes, that was lucky.
04:28All right, well, this should keep you nice and warm.
04:30And I'll just run in the kitchen and get you your herbal tea.
04:36If you'll excuse me, I'll just show my father where it's kept.
04:44Pretty sweet, huh?
04:45I just found it right out in the hall.
04:47Yes, well, I'm sorry, Dad, but you can't keep her.
04:53Now, I brought her here for you.
04:55I've been talking you up the whole time.
04:57Really?
04:58Yeah, listen, I'm serving this one to you on a platter.
05:02In fact, if it wasn't for the jasmine on your robe,
05:05I'd say that this one was a slam dunk.
05:08I just wonder.
05:08It's a basketball shirt.
05:09Yes, I know that, Dad.
05:13Just wonder how to chat up a half-naked woman without looking uncouth.
05:17Well, just be friendly.
05:19Oh, she's a veterinarian.
05:20She's single.
05:23She's very athletic, as you can tell from that body you already have.
05:30Just because you're serving the cake doesn't mean you can't have a few crumbs to drop off.
05:37Well, here we go.
05:41There you are.
05:42Now, I got a call to make, so Frazier will keep you entertained.
05:47Thanks for the tea.
05:48You're welcome.
05:50So, uh, you're next door.
05:55Oh, that's right.
05:56Judge Gilroy, uh, moved in with his daughter.
06:00I bet he never wandered into your apartment wearing a towel.
06:03No, no, I did hear he wandered into work one day wearing a towel, though.
06:08I guess that's why he had to move in with his daughter.
06:12That was dumb.
06:12I walked off with your car keys.
06:14I should have known from the big BMW on it.
06:19Thank you, Jan.
06:29So, Regan, that's, uh, an unusual name.
06:34Is it by any chance from...
06:35From King Lear, yeah.
06:37One of the ungrateful daughters.
06:39I don't know what my dad was thinking.
06:42Never do.
06:44I'm sorry.
06:45I have some issues with my father.
06:48Excuse me again.
06:52I have no idea what that would be like.
07:00Well, I better get on my way, huh?
07:02And, uh, just let you two talk.
07:05Oh, he's a wonderful listener, you know.
07:08In fact, that's the motto on his very popular radio show, I Listen.
07:15Yes, Dad, don't forget my sign-off.
07:17Goodbye.
07:25I actually listened to your show.
07:27Really?
07:28Well, I'm flattered, thank you.
07:31I think if I hadn't gone into veterinary medicine, it would have been psychology.
07:35But I guess I was always just drawn to animals.
07:42Yes, it is hard not to love them.
07:47I just feel so responsible.
08:06Maybe there was something more I could have said.
08:09Something more I could have done.
08:12Keep playing it over and over in my head.
08:17I'll ask her out today, Dad.
08:22So, Dr. Crane, do you believe women have an intuition about men?
08:27An intuition?
08:29Like they might know when a man has a little crush.
08:33You know, by the way he fidgets or gets a look in his eye or...
08:48I only ask because I'm getting that feeling from your brother.
08:52Really?
08:53He's all moony-eyed today.
08:55Someone he's quite keen on.
08:57Yes, actually, I know who it is.
08:59I called him on it yesterday in the coffee shop.
09:01He won't admit to it.
09:03The problem is...
09:05Yeah?
09:08I've developed a crush myself, and it happens to be...
09:14Frasier?
09:18What are you doing?
09:26Nothing.
09:26Come in.
09:27Come in.
09:30So, Niles, how are you?
09:32Uh, well, the question is, how are you?
09:39I hear you've been mooning around like a lovesick schoolboy.
09:43Who told you that?
09:44Let's just say the birds around here are chirping anyway.
09:49Are you prepared to admit that my little theory yesterday was correct?
09:55Are you talking about Poppy?
09:57Yes, the woman you so adamantly denied having any attraction to.
10:02I still do.
10:02She's loathsome.
10:06Does it gall you so much to admit I'm right?
10:08But you're not right.
10:10Oh.
10:11Well, then, who is this person you're so interested in?
10:14You don't know her?
10:15Uh-huh.
10:16Tell me about her.
10:17It's premature.
10:18Oh, brother.
10:20All right, fine.
10:21If you must know, the woman happens to be...
10:24Hello?
10:25My next door neighbor.
10:27What good timing she has.
10:33Hi, come on in.
10:34I just wanted to return this teacup.
10:37Oh, well, no, you're welcome anytime.
10:40Regan Shaw, this is my brother, Dr. Niles Crane.
10:45Hello.
10:48Do you two know each other?
10:50No.
10:50Yes.
10:53Well, I'll just go get us all some coffee
10:57and you two can decide if you know each other or not.
11:05I'm so sorry, Dr. Crane.
11:07I was just a little startled seeing you outside your office.
11:10Please, don't even think about it.
11:12Have a seat.
11:14Well, so I gather this is your new building.
11:17Yes, right next door to your brother who I just met.
11:22Is that so strange?
11:23Yes.
11:24Well, remember, I have a policy of total confidentiality.
11:28He never needs to know that you've started seeing me.
11:36Oh, here it is.
11:41What did you find out?
11:43Well, it sounded like they've had a date or two.
11:45He mentioned having seen her.
11:47Damn him!
11:51I can't think of it.
11:52He said something in the elevator about having a crush on someone.
11:55Well, I'll just have to confront him,
11:57see if he's man enough to admit that he's horned in on my territory.
12:00Well, excuse me, Dr. Crane, but didn't your brother meet her first?
12:04Oh, honestly, definitely.
12:05Just try to keep up.
12:06It's not that complicated.
12:09Well, here we are.
12:10Uh, actually, I can't stay.
12:14I've got the cable man coming.
12:16Oh.
12:16Could I take a rain check?
12:18Well, certainly.
12:21Would you like to go out for coffee sometime?
12:24Yeah, I'd like that.
12:26Great.
12:27Bye.
12:28Bye.
12:28Bye.
12:37So, I take it you two do know each other?
12:40Uh, we met briefly at some event.
12:43I see.
12:45Changing the subject completely,
12:48Daphne just mentioned that you happen to have a little crush on someone yourself.
12:53Yes, I have.
12:54Care to elaborate?
12:57Actually, I will.
12:58Unlike you, I don't mind being candid.
13:00The woman is Poppy.
13:05Poppy.
13:05Uh, we had coffee yesterday after you left.
13:12Uh, you're not upset?
13:16No, not at all.
13:18Thank you for your candor, Niles.
13:20I'm sure that you and Poppy will be very happy together.
13:26Are you laughing at me?
13:28You think so little of my chances?
13:30No, no, Niles.
13:31I wish you and Poppy the very best.
13:36I don't need this smug attitude of yours.
13:38I fully intended to discuss this amiably.
13:40You refuse, so I'll just say goodbye.
13:43Very well.
13:43Thanks for dropping by.
13:44Off you go.
13:49What kind of a fool does he take me for?
13:50He is obviously pursuing Regan.
13:52The man has the nerve to say he's chasing Poppy.
13:56Poppy?
13:56Yes, as if anyone could pursue that insufferable air horn.
14:02That's deceit.
14:03That's chicanery he's after.
14:04I'll give him more than he can handle.
14:06Dr. Crane, before it gets to that level,
14:09wouldn't it make sense for you two to just have one open and honest conversation?
14:14Oh, honestly.
14:15Daphne, how have you managed to oversimplify absolutely everything?
14:24These shoes are killing me.
14:27I can't wait to sit down.
14:29Well, you're not going to sit there.
14:30Why not?
14:30I'm expecting someone for coffee.
14:32Well, Niles is small.
14:34We can share.
14:35He's not Niles.
14:36Would you stop saying that?
14:38It happens to be a woman.
14:39Well, I'll move when she gets here.
14:43By the way, I still have four tickets left for that cherry ball Friday night.
14:46I'm sorry, Ross.
14:47Thanks anyway.
14:48Come on.
14:49It's for a good cause.
14:50They provide disaster relief.
14:52Hi, partners.
14:54How soon can they get here?
14:57Frasier, I was leaving the booth and I saw this umbrella.
15:01I think it belongs to you.
15:04Yes, it's my emergency umbrella.
15:08I always leave it in the booth.
15:10Don't feel bad.
15:12I'm forgetful, too.
15:17No, I think I'll just go see what's keeping my latte.
15:20Would you watch my table, please, Ross?
15:31Oh, Ross, I noticed that Poppy was here.
15:37Did she mention where she was headed?
15:38No, but listen, Niles, could I interest you in a couple of tickets for a charity ball
15:43this Friday?
15:44It's a great event.
15:46Is Frasier going?
15:47No, but do you have to go to everything together?
15:50I'll take two.
15:51I'm in a hurry.
15:51I'll send you a check.
15:55Who is Niles in such a rush off to?
15:57I have no idea.
15:59Last chance.
16:00Only two tickets left.
16:02I thought there were four.
16:03Niles just bought a pair.
16:05Damn him.
16:08Probably off to intercept Regan right now.
16:10Who?
16:11I'm sorry, Ross.
16:12I'm in a hurry.
16:13I'll write you a check for these.
16:15Enjoy the table.
16:19This is the best kind of party.
16:21We get to dress up, have a wonderful time, and it's all for a good cause.
16:26Well, it really is an impressive organization.
16:28I've heard that within 24 hours of any worldwide disaster, they can put together a ball.
16:37Oh, look, it's your brother.
16:39What?
16:40Oh, so it is.
16:43Uh, why don't you find our table and I'll get us some champagne?
16:46Okay.
16:51Ross, you didn't tell me Frasier was going to be here.
16:54Yeah, he bought the last two tickets.
16:56After he knew I'd be here with Poppy.
16:58Obviously, he wants to get a shot at her himself.
17:00He brought that woman along as his beard.
17:02Do you think Frasier's interested in Poppy?
17:06I shouldn't be surprised.
17:06The subtle signs of attraction are lost on you,
17:09a woman to whom the gunning of a Harley engine is like a come-hither look.
17:18Hello, Ross.
17:19Hi.
17:19See that Niles has brought himself a date for the evening?
17:23Yep, and you'll never guess what he thinks.
17:25Oh, I know exactly what he thinks.
17:28He thinks by bringing Poppy as his patsy,
17:30he can steal a few minutes with Regan, try to win her for himself.
17:32That's not what he thinks.
17:34Ross.
17:34He likes Poppy.
17:36Dear, simple Ross.
17:40After six years of listening at my feet,
17:42have you learned nothing of the dark forces that move people?
17:46Open your ears.
17:55Are you looking at your brother again?
18:03Yes, I'm sorry.
18:04It's just that he keeps staring over here.
18:06For God's sakes, he hasn't paid any attention to his date whatsoever.
18:10Can you imagine how that woman must feel?
18:13Yeah, women hate that.
18:16He's doing it again.
18:17What?
18:18My brother is staring at us,
18:20obviously thinking what a striking couple we made.
18:23In fact, let's give him something to stare at.
18:30Oh, I'm sorry.
18:32Same toes before?
18:33Yes, same toes before.
18:36What is going on with you two tonight?
18:41All right.
18:42I suppose you're going to find out sooner or later anyway.
18:45You see, I know about you and me.
18:50You do?
18:51Yes.
18:52But it's all right.
18:53I don't mind.
18:55It's just that, well,
18:58he's really quite smitten with you.
19:01Oh, my God.
19:02Really?
19:05You think you're going to lose the nail?
19:07No, no.
19:07I just need to sit for a minute.
19:13Oh, my gosh.
19:14I love the tango.
19:16You won't mind if I dance one with your brother?
19:19What?
19:20Well, actually, Poppy, I...
19:21Oh, come on.
19:23Niles can keep Regan company.
19:25Oh!
19:29Uh, you know, Regan, I'm getting a second wind.
19:34Uh, should we show them how it's done?
19:36Well, actually, Dr. Crane, I...
19:38Oh, don't be so formal.
19:40We're not doctor and patient tonight.
19:43Oops.
19:50Your brother's quite romantic, inviting me to a ball on our very first date.
20:00He certainly doesn't waste time, does he?
20:02No, he doesn't, does he?
20:12You do realize that I'm interested in your brother.
20:16You mean you're developing real feelings for him?
20:19Yeah.
20:20Well, you may think so now, but trust me, your future's not with him.
20:29I know this is confusing.
20:35You'll see everything more clearly when I've got you on the couch.
20:46Well, I can't take any more of this.
20:50Sorry, I have to cut here.
20:51See? How romantic.
20:53Come with me.
20:58You should be ashamed of yourself.
21:00Your tango wasn't so impressive either.
21:03I'm talking about your behavior tonight.
21:05You mean that I won't simply stand aside and let you have the woman you want?
21:08Exactly.
21:09Obviously, one of us has to back off, not just tonight, but permanently.
21:13Rachel, can I talk to you a minute alone?
21:16Of course.
21:17Just give me one more moment with my brother.
21:20Niles, when you're finished, I'd love one more dance.
21:23Ah, I'll be right there.
21:28Well, I believe she has made her choice.
21:32Yes, I believe she has.
21:35Uh, Frasier, I think I'd like to leave, if that's all right.
21:49Leave? Already?
21:51Well, couldn't we just have one last dance?
21:55Well, I guess.
21:56I'm just feeling a little uncomfortable.
21:58Yes, I certainly don't blame you for that.
22:00But you see, now I've spoken with him, Niles has agreed to behave himself.
22:04Now I can put all my attention on you.
22:07Oh, that is a relief.
22:11I mean, you can understand how I was kind of freaked out by all that, right?
22:20Frasier?
22:23He's a brave little soldier, isn't he?
22:26Awash in despair, and yet he dances.
22:30This is when they wrote songs that were really about something.
22:36True love, broken hearts.
22:40Yes, there's nothing quite so poignant as someone with a broken heart pretending that it isn't.
22:49No wonder he keeps staring over at us.
22:52He's suffered such a crushing defeat tonight.
22:57Can we go?
22:58Well, yes, of course.
23:01That's the best thing to do.
23:03No, let me just have one last word with him.
23:06Oh, my God.
23:10Niles, if you don't mind.
23:12You guys are going to wear me out.
23:15Can I see what Barclay did?
23:19I think I'm going to catch a cab.
23:20Aren't you having a good time?
23:22Frankly, no.
23:23Are you?
23:24Oh, yes.
23:26I think Niles has got quite a little crush on me.
23:30Actually, Poppy, there's something you should know about Niles.
23:36Niles, I just want you to know that I...
23:39I'm not happy with the way things have ended this evening.
23:42Oh, neither am I.
23:44How could I be?
23:46And the worst thing is, it's not just tonight.
23:49What happens when we keep running into each other?
23:52Yes, the victor will have his trophy.
23:55The loser will be empty-handed.
23:57It hardly seems worth it, given the permanent damage this could do to our relationship.
24:01Yes, I can't help but wonder if perhaps we're being a bit short-sighted.
24:08Niles, is that Regan and Poppy leaving just now?
24:13It was, wasn't it?
24:20I want you to go after her.
24:23What?
24:24Yes.
24:25I won't stand in your way.
24:28No, Frasier, I would feel better if you went after her.
24:33No, no, I couldn't do that to you.
24:38I think we're both feeling the same thing.
24:40I know we are.
24:43You noble bastard.
24:47Right back at you.
24:48Right back at you.
24:52Oh, it's for the best.
24:55After all, the most important thing is our friendship.
24:59I think that's worth drinking to.
25:01Two bourbons.
25:03You know what, Moranis?
25:05Let's propose a toast to one pretty remarkable woman.
25:10Well, she'd have to be to have won both of our hearts.
25:13Yeah, yeah.
25:15Well, then, to Poppy.
25:19I think we're gonna need two more here.
25:39Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling.
25:42Toss salads and scrambled eggs.
25:46Mercy.
25:47And maybe I seem a bit confused.
25:51Well, maybe.
25:52But I got you pegged.
25:57But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
26:04They're calling again.
26:07Good night, everybody.