Why is it so difficult to forgive and forget? || Acharya Prashant (2022)

Acharya Prashant

‍♂️ Want to meet Acharya Prashant? Be a part of the Live Sessions: https://acharyaprashant.org/hi/enquir...   Want to read Acharya Prashant's Books? Get Free Delivery: https://acharyaprashant.org/en/books?...  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~  Video Information: 18.11.22, Institute talk, Rishikesh  Context: ~ How to deal with emotionality? ~ How to be free from emotions? ~ How to be free? ~ Why can't we forget some people? ~ Does forgiveness lead to peace?   Music Credits: Milind Date  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Transcript

00:00So, the next question is mine only. Why can we never forgive some people even though I

00:07know that thinking about them hurt only myself? Won't it be that easy that if we forget them

00:13or forgive them, it gives me happiness, it gives me satisfaction, calm and peace?

00:26You see, you have checked into a hotel. The experience there is not good enough, right?

00:42Two scenarios. First, in a fit, in a sway of rage, you check out of the hotel at midnight

01:03and find yourself on the road, on the pavement and it's cold. It's January.

01:14Scenario two, you check out of an inferior hotel and check in to a superior hotel, a wonderful one.

01:32When are you going to miss the bad hotel? When I don't get something good in life.

01:48That's what. Life does not afford vacuums. It cannot by its very definition because we

02:01have to be better. That's the reason we keep looking for something to relate to, something

02:10to identify with, something to do, something to call our own, something to associate our

02:18name with. Because that's the nature of human consciousness. We are born to be better.

02:28And there is only one way to be better. Associate yourself progressively with better people,

02:38better thoughts, better causes, better places, better work. So, life keeps wanting betterment.

02:52Now, incidentally, it may happen, happens with all of us, that you may associate yourself

02:59with something unworthy, relatively unworthy. It happens with all of us because there is

03:06error of judgment and we ourselves are not so worthy that we make the right decisions

03:12every time. So, that's something that happens and will happen. But what does one do from

03:22there? One has to move on in a very progressive way. Just moving on makes little sense. You

03:41have to ask yourself, if I am still the same person who got associated with the wrong person

03:48in the first place, have I moved on? Moving on is not only about dropping a particular

03:59person or thing or episode in life. Moving on is actually about moving on from your previous

04:10inferior self. That's the meaning of moving on. If you don't move on in an internal way,

04:22you will find yourself staring at a vacuum and we said life does not afford vacuums,

04:27so that vacuum will be again filled by someone equally unworthy. That's a terrible danger,

04:35isn't it? And a wastage of life. So, one has to keep getting better. One has to keep identifying

04:45why one made mistakes in the first place. And when you ask yourself, what was it within me

04:52that pushed me to that person, thing, place or relationship, you will discover that a lot of

05:01that is still firmly seated within you. And that's the thing of warning. One must be cautious at this

05:17point, no? One stumbled because one was wearing dark glasses. One fell down and bruised her knees.

05:33And you get up and you curse the stone or the boulder you stumbled against. And you say,

05:46I'm moving on. And I'm moving on with the same dark glasses. You're still the same person. You'll

05:55again probably, unfortunately, meet the same hurt. So, missing someone you had in your life at a

06:14point is a clear indicator that you are much the same person you were at that point in time. At

06:31that point in time, you were someone who was attracted to that person. And now you say you

06:43have seen the worst of it. You don't want to continue. You want to quit. And you say you still

06:52miss that person. Then how are you different from the person, your previous self, that fell for that

07:02person in the first place? You're much the same. And if you're much the same, then you will again

07:09receive hurt much the same. So, internal development is the only solution. When you

07:21change from within, then your relationships, your thoughts, your ideologies, your role models,

07:29all of them naturally change without effort. And if you remain the same, then all the things

07:40around you, occupying your physical and mental space, they too will remain the same. How does

07:48one develop internally? Wisdom literature is the key. Read, read, and read. In fact,

08:00one mark of great company is, does the person you are with encourage you to read? You have

08:23to ask, what does he bring for me? Roses or books? And be very cautious of those who bring

08:32roses for you, especially red roses. Books are what we all need. Right? And books are dangerous.

08:46Books are dangerous because they make you better. When they make you better, you do not fall for the

08:53inferior. Therefore, if somebody has a stake in keeping you inferior, that person will keep you

09:00away from books. If someone has a stake in making you better, that person will push you towards

09:08books. You see this, the purpose of relationship is not cheap gratification. Remember who we are.

09:24We are the ones born for improvement. Therefore, the purpose of relationship is self-improvement.

09:32If a relationship does not result in your internal improvement, it's a bad relationship. Right? So,

09:44read. Read a lot. And if I may advise, you may begin with Vedanta. And I understand it's not

09:57the in thing these days to go for wisdom literature, especially Vedanta. But I would

10:11put my weight behind this. And I'll vouch for this. You will benefit. Thank you so much. I

10:21will definitely try to read that and come up with a situation. Thanks a lot. It really helps me.

10:26Thank you. One query out of it. When you see your past memories, bad memories, bad associations.

10:38And you said you have to see yourself very honestly, your inner side. It becomes difficult

10:45because most of the time what I see is some fault in the other guys. I have been

10:53safe and park. I have done my, I mean, the way I should perform upon. And the relationship,

11:03something has come bad from that person, that shortcomings. So how to be honest in my analysis?

11:13You see, I went to buy a sweater and this is what I picked.

11:20Right? And now I find it has 14 holes. Who is to be blamed? The sweater or the buyer?

11:32My selection. Right. So that's it. If the other person is bad, then one is worse to fall for a bad person.

11:42The more you say the other person is bad, the more you prove you are worse.

11:52If he is so bad, how did you fall for him?

11:56So do not say the other person is so bad and I am so great. Had you really been great,

12:01you wouldn't have fallen for a bad person. So this kind of self-victimization

12:09is self-defeating and self-exposing. One is not only making bad choices,

12:16one is not accepting that the fault lies within. One is trying to blame circumstances or fate,

12:26whereas the chief culprit is one's own lack of discretion.

12:31So, rather than engaging in needless fault-finding, find out what is it within you

12:44that pushes you to the wrong objects in life. Be it a wrong sweater,

12:54be it a wrong sweater, a wrong locality, a wrong profession,

13:04or a wrong person, a wrong movie to watch,

13:13a wrong restaurant to dine at.

13:16Now, having used the word wrong so many times, I have fueled the question what exactly is meant by

13:23wrong. If we are the ones whose purpose is to grow in life, then obviously only one thing

13:36can be wrong. To put oneself in situations or relationships that impede one's growth,

13:47that's what is wrong. Ask yourself, are my relationships, are my decisions

13:55good for my inner growth? Will they lead to an inner clarity and freedom?

14:03Or will they aggravate my existing bondages? Because I am already in trouble.

14:11I am already in trouble. Is this relationship, is this decision to purchase or whatever,

14:19is this going to liberate me of my pre-existing troubles or is it going to aggravate them?

14:31So, one has to, has her eye firmly on the goal and the goal is freedom from bondages.

14:39On the yardstick of this goal, all of one's decisions are to be weighed and assessed.

14:50Let there be no other consideration. You are relocating to another city.

14:59You are changing jobs. You are entering a relationship. You are picking up a book to read.

15:06Always the criteria has to be one.

15:12What is this thing in my life, this new thing in my life, going to do to my consciousness?

15:22Is my mind going to feel freer, simpler, clearer, more illuminated? Or am I going to be

15:33more in bondage, in debt, in obligations? That's the question I think one must ask.

15:48Thank you, Sir.

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