Frasier Season 7 Episode 16 Something About Dr Mary
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00:00If I ever decide to redecorate my bathroom, I give you about a thousand decisions to make.
00:06After a while, you can't even tell the colors apart.
00:09Oh, Ross, perhaps my discerning decorator's eye could be of some assistance.
00:13Let me see here.
00:14This one's acryl, that's eggshell, and this, of course, is Navajo white.
00:19Very good, Frasier.
00:21Now let's see how you do on the color side.
00:24You know, Ross, I do hope you don't spend your entire vacation redecorating, you know?
00:32You should get out, you know, have some fun.
00:35Maybe take a cruise.
00:37Don't want to stay in your apartment cooped up with a bunch of sweaty workmen.
00:44Au revoir.
00:48And don't worry, Chuck Bramberg said he'd take over for me.
00:51Absolutely not, Ross.
00:52The man's speech impediment made me giggle all week long.
00:55Show a little compassion.
00:57Oh, come on.
00:58You've tried dealing with a call screener that says,
01:00Dr. Quain, we have a Queptomaniac on line three.
01:06Well, who do you want to use?
01:08Well, actually, I was thinking of reaching out to the community.
01:11You know, I was guest speaker last month at a program called Second Start.
01:15They offer career training to people who are stuck in tedious, low-paying jobs.
01:20And, uh, well, I thought I'd give the job to one of those students.
01:24That's a great idea, Frasier.
01:26It sounds like a great program.
01:28Oh, dear, there's Chuck Bramberg.
01:30Ross, you've got to tell him he doesn't have the job.
01:32Why can't you tell him?
01:33I'm sorry, I can't hear the man speak without just descending into giggles.
01:37Oh, you are such a child.
01:39Of course.
01:40Hi, guys.
01:41Hey, Chuck.
01:42How's it going?
01:43Oh, terrible, Ross.
01:46My wife was in the Caribbean, and she left me for a Wastafarian.
02:02You know, we have a couple minutes before the show, so listen, tell me a little bit about yourself.
02:06How did you get interested in broadcasting?
02:08Well, after I got laid off from the bakery, I guess I had some free time.
02:12So I took a few different night school courses, and when I got to the one in radio, it all clicked.
02:18Oh, well, you know, isn't that funny?
02:21You know, I had almost exactly the same experience.
02:25I first discovered psychiatry in Dr. Badgley's epidemiology seminar at Harvard.
02:34Except I bet you didn't walk through a metal detector to get to class.
02:38No, no, no.
02:39I did have to pass under a dangerously unbalanced portrait of Alfred Adler in the rotunda.
02:47We are practically separated at birth.
02:50Ten seconds, Mary. Here we go.
02:52Oh, my goodness. I'm so nervous. I don't know what to do.
02:54Oh, you'll be fine. Just relax.
02:56Okay.
02:57Ah.
03:06Hello, Seattle. This is Dr. Fraser Crane, and I'm listening.
03:12I'd like to take this opportunity to introduce someone who's going to bring her own flavor to the show this week while Roz is gone.
03:19Say hello to Mary Thomas.
03:27It's great to have you with us, Mary.
03:33You know, we want to get right to your calls, folks, so we'll be right back after this.
03:42Mary, I should mention that you should feel free to speak on the air.
03:48You know, Roz often chimes in from time to time.
03:51Oh, I can't believe I messed up so quickly.
03:53No, no, no. Not at all. Not at all.
03:55Just promise me that you'll speak up when it feels right.
03:59I will.
04:00Okay, great. I'm sure you have excellent instincts.
04:04Five seconds.
04:05Right.
04:09And we're back.
04:10All right, Mary. Who's our first caller?
04:14Maria.
04:19Uh, she's 36 years old.
04:22Married five years.
04:24And her husband's been staying late at the office so he can meet with his secretary.
04:29That's the way to do it.
04:31Uh, I mean, uh, I'm sorry, uh, Maria.
04:36Uh, I'm listening.
04:38Hi, Dr. Crane.
04:40Anyway, he's having an affair, and it's not his first.
04:44This has been going on since we were newlyweds.
04:47How do I get him to change?
04:49Well, Maria, you of course know that it's impossible to force anyone to change.
04:55But you can work to change yourself.
04:59Usually women who tolerate this sort of behavior from their husbands are suffering from low self-esteem issues.
05:04Now, you may need some counseling to resolve those issues.
05:07Let me ask you a couple of questions.
05:08May I say something?
05:10Yes.
05:12Maria, Dr. Crane is right.
05:15You must make a change.
05:17And the first thing you change is the lock on your front door.
05:20What?
05:21Oh, listen, there's plenty of time for counselors.
05:23But at six o'clock, locksmiths start charging extra, so you get on it, girlfriend.
05:31You know, my grandpa Willie used to say,
05:34nothing stops a man from playing the field faster than a night out on the lawn.
05:39Okay? Okay.
05:48Oh, thank you, Grandpa Willie.
05:56Look at here, Tony. You're 35 years old.
05:59Now, your parents only had you for the first 18,
06:02so if you want to start blaming someone, maybe you need to blame yourself.
06:05Okay? Okay.
06:07Actually, chronic rage problems usually stem from childhood...
06:11And, uh, Dr. Crane, we're all out of time.
06:19So we are.
06:21Well, then, this is Dr. Frederick Crane saying goodbye, Seattle, and good mental health.
06:27And tune in tomorrow!
06:30Hello, Daphne.
06:32Well, Dr. Crane, you're in a good mood today.
06:34Mm-hmm. After six long weeks, I have finally received my yellow belt.
06:40Well, aren't you lucky.
06:42I ordered some old capri pants two months ago, and I'm still waiting.
06:46Well, I'm glad you're in a good mood.
06:48Well, I'm glad you're in a good mood.
06:50Well, I'm glad you're in a good mood.
06:52Well, I'm glad you're in a good mood.
06:54Well, I'm glad you're in a good mood.
06:56I ordered some old capri pants two months ago, and I'm still waiting.
07:03No, no, no. As this handsome certificate will attest...
07:07I've finally attained the second level of kickboxing.
07:10Oh! Congratulations!
07:15What made you take up kickboxing?
07:17Well, in order to protect Mel.
07:19As you know, she's a plastic surgeon.
07:21She has a habit of slipping her card to total strangers who she feels could use her services.
07:28So far, no harm done, but...
07:30Well, it's only a matter of time before you get your lights punched out.
07:33Exactly.
07:34Almost happened last week with Marjorie Dunsmore.
07:37Luck was on our side, but next time, there might not be a walker to kick over, so...
07:44But I think Dad will be properly impressed when I demonstrate my precision footwork.
07:52Whoa!
07:54That's very impressive, Dr. Crane.
07:56Thank you, thank you.
07:57You know, I just remembered that Chihuly needs a good dusting.
08:00Oh, no, no, Daphne. I thought you cleaned that yesterday.
08:02Oh, did I?
08:03Oh, no, no. What brings you here?
08:05Here to demonstrate my newly-acquired feat, Ho-Ho of Fury!
08:12Carry on, Daphne.
08:14Oh, Frasier! Frasier, who was that woman on your show today?
08:18Oh, that was Mary Thomas. She's filling in for Oz this week.
08:24Seemed to me like she was filling in for you.
08:29You're normally so particular about what happens on your show.
08:32I'm surprised you let her go on like that.
08:34Well, I started to say something, and then I thought, well...
08:37Oh, it...
08:39Might be a bit condescending.
08:41I know why you didn't say anything.
08:43Because she's black.
08:44Oh, that's ridiculous, Dad.
08:46Race has nothing to do with it.
08:48Oh, come now, Frasier.
08:50Can't deny a certain measure of guilt living as you do in your exclusive lily-white world.
09:01Now, I was owning the CD of Ella Sings Gershwin does not qualify you as a soul brother.
09:09You know, Frasier, such a thing as being too sensitive about this stuff...
09:13Now, if it was Roz blabbing on instead of this Mary, you'd tell her to put a sock in it, right?
09:19Well, I suppose so, but, you know, this is different, Dad.
09:22She's just starting out. I didn't want to squelch her enthusiasm.
09:26Because she's black.
09:27No, Dad, please, will you just stop saying that?
09:31Anyway, I just have to deal with it for a week till Roz gets back.
09:34Black.
09:35Stop it!
09:39My first roommate at Yale was black.
09:41Huntington Treadwell III.
09:44He's hardly representative of the African-American experience.
09:47His father was a pioneer in Selma and Montgomery.
09:51Yes, I believe he built golf courses all over the South.
09:56Oh, speaking of golf, Dad, I've become quite the sportsman myself.
10:00Oh.
10:01What do you think of that?
10:03Oh, it's very nice.
10:05But calligraphy really isn't a sport.
10:12More of a craft.
10:16No, no, no, this is for kickboxing.
10:19I finally reached yellow belt status.
10:21Hey, what do you know? I'm proud of you.
10:24Oh, come here.
10:29Well, you know, it requires a lot of talent.
10:31You have to have timing and balance.
10:34The ability to strike and instantly retreat.
10:37So you kick him and then run away?
10:38Yes, yes.
10:41My instructor says I'm a natural.
10:44Can I show you something?
10:45Oh, yeah, sure.
10:48I'll show you a roundhouse kick, all right?
10:51So you sense your assailant's presence.
10:55You feel your body in the space.
10:59Where your opponent is.
11:01And when you're ready, you strike.
11:12What have I done?
11:14Are you all right, Daphne?
11:15Yes.
11:16Really?
11:17No.
11:18I landed on my wrist.
11:19It's really rubbing.
11:21Oh, go get us some ice.
11:22Ohio?
11:25You know, Dad, perhaps you're right.
11:27Maybe I am too sensitive.
11:30Daphne, could you get that, please?
11:36Gabe, you must remember that compulsive shock
11:39is an addiction.
11:41There are no simple solutions.
11:43Oh, I've got one.
11:47Cut those credit cards up right now.
11:50Okay?
11:51Okay.
11:52Thanks, Dr. Mary.
11:55You know, I hate to be a stickler here, Gabe,
11:58but as Mary would be the first to point out,
12:01she is not a doctor.
12:03Oh, I don't mind.
12:05Oh, call me Dr. Mary.
12:07Call me Dr. Mary.
12:09You know, Latifah's not a real queen, right?
12:16Oh, you know what, doll babies?
12:18We're all out of time for today.
12:24So we are.
12:26Well, then, this is Dr. Frasier Crane.
12:29And Dr. Mary.
12:32Saying goodbye, Seattle,
12:35and good mental health.
12:43Hey, guys.
12:44Oh, Gabe.
12:45Just checking in to see how things are going.
12:47Are you kidding?
12:48This is a dream come true.
12:54So, uh, you and Mary,
12:58what do you think of her?
13:00Be honest.
13:02Well, I genuinely like her.
13:05She's delightful and dedicated.
13:09And?
13:12Well, uh,
13:15she does have a tendency to just sort of jump right in there,
13:18whatever she likes, you know?
13:19And frankly, her method of solving problems
13:23is totally different than mine.
13:25Yeah, I'm nuts about her, too.
13:29You know, the contrast between you guys,
13:31that's what gets things crackling.
13:33I always thought that your show
13:35was the gold standard of radio shrink chatter.
13:39But this last week has been even better.
13:41You think so?
13:42Absolutely.
13:43In fact,
13:45the boys upstairs would like to make you two
13:48a permanent team.
13:50Ah!
13:51Who am I kidding?
13:52There are no boys upstairs.
13:54I just love this show.
13:55Oh, Gabe!
13:58Oh, this is so exciting.
14:00I cannot believe it.
14:02Oh, me neither.
14:03Hey, and don't you worry about Roz.
14:05I'm just going to switch her over to Gil's show.
14:07The hours are better,
14:09and I'll even throw in a 20% raise.
14:11Oh, this is going to be great.
14:13I bet you within a month,
14:14you guys are going to have the hottest ratings in Seattle.
14:17Oh, this is so wonderful.
14:19Thank you both.
14:20Really, I'm going to go call my parents.
14:22Oh.
14:23Listen, Kenny.
14:24I know what you're feeling right now, Doc,
14:26and let me save you the trouble.
14:28Come here, big guy!
14:32I want some, too!
14:48Everything comfy, Daphne?
14:50Here you are.
14:51This key should hold you till dinner.
14:53Oh, Dr. Crane.
14:55You really don't need to fill in for me.
14:57It's just a sprained wrist.
14:58I'm perfectly capable of cooking dinner.
15:00Hell, you are.
15:04Daphne, it is the least I can do, believe me.
15:06Until you're fully recovered,
15:07consider me your full-time stand-in.
15:10Oh, which reminds me, Dad.
15:12I rented your favorite video.
15:15Oh, death wish!
15:19Oh, I'll get your beer.
15:21I'm just frosting the mug in the freezer
15:23the way Daphne does.
15:25I'll never frost your beer mug.
15:27Oh, be quiet, will you?
15:30He's feeling very guilty,
15:32and we have to help him work through it.
15:34That is just baloney, and you know it.
15:37Shame on you taking advantage of your son.
15:39I don't know how you sleep at night.
15:41Oh, pretty good,
15:42since he started putting a mint on my pillow
15:44and a cup of cocoa by the bed.
15:47He never leaves me cocoa.
15:49Oh, you have to fill out that little card.
15:51Oh.
15:57Oh, hey!
15:58How'd the show go?
16:07It was very educational.
16:10Today, Mary taught us
16:12how to manipulate our husbands
16:15by withholding sex.
16:19And she taught us how to
16:21lie to our children about the past.
16:24Boy, that Dr. Mary sure goes on and on.
16:27For the last time,
16:29she is not a doctor,
16:30no matter how many times she refers to herself as one.
16:32A cat can have kittens in the oven,
16:35but that don't make them biscuits.
16:44Dear God!
16:46Now I'm quoting Grandpa Willie.
16:50For heaven's sake, Frasier,
16:52why didn't you just talk to her?
16:53Well, it's a delicate situation, Miles.
16:55For God's sake.
16:56It's not all that easy.
16:58I mean, she is new to the field.
17:01She's sensitive.
17:02She's eager to please.
17:04She's black.
17:05Dad, please!
17:07Well, you know,
17:08damn well that's what this whole thing's about.
17:10I don't know what the big deal is.
17:12If she's talking too much,
17:13just tell her to shut her big bazook.
17:15Oh, really?
17:16And how do you suggest I accomplish that
17:17without sounding like a complete bigot?
17:19Well, perhaps a little diplomacy is in order.
17:22Oh, are you saying
17:23I should just choose my words more carefully?
17:24Is that it?
17:25Yeah, exactly.
17:26Oh, fine, fine.
17:27All right, Miles.
17:28Just exactly how would that go?
17:30Why don't you play me in I'll Be Mary?
17:33All right.
17:34Mary?
17:35Frasier?
17:40I've been meaning to speak to you.
17:42You know, people listen to the show for my expertise.
17:45Oh, so my opinion's not worth anything?
17:48Well, I'm the one with the medical degree.
17:50Now, I want you to contribute,
17:52but only up to a point.
17:53So you want me to stay in my place?
17:55Master!
18:04She's not going to say master.
18:06What, am I getting too uppity for you?
18:08You sherry-swilling,
18:09opera-loving,
18:10Armani-wearing elitist!
18:12You have no idea
18:13how difficult it is for a black woman
18:15in a white man's world!
18:22Frasier?
18:23I don't think so!
18:28Look at me!
18:29This is ridiculous!
18:30I have walked myself straight into a minefield!
18:35Listen, Frasier.
18:38I know you're trying to be sensitive,
18:40but you're not showing this woman
18:42any respect.
18:43If you're not as honest with her
18:45as you would be with someone else.
18:46Right!
18:47This is your show!
18:48When she gets her own show,
18:49she can say whatever she wants!
18:55Wait a minute.
18:56You know what, Dan?
18:57You may be on to something there.
18:59Gosh, I don't know why I didn't think of that myself.
19:01You know what?
19:02I'm just going to call Kenny
19:03and tell him to give her her own show.
19:05They're looking for a replacement
19:06for Let's Go Camping with Dan and Jenna.
19:08What happened to them?
19:09They don't know.
19:11Kenny!
19:12It's Frasier.
19:13Listen, I've been thinking.
19:15You know what?
19:16I think I'm holding Mary back.
19:19Yes, I mean, a talent like hers
19:21should not be stuck in a producer's chair.
19:24He agrees with me.
19:26Oh, I'll tell you what you do.
19:28You snap out of it.
19:30You know why you're afraid to get married?
19:33You think there's some room full of
19:35hoochie mamas out there
19:36that's waiting for you
19:38in case you don't want to do the right thing.
19:40Let me tell you something.
19:41The only thing you're missing out on
19:43is a lot of cold and lonely nights.
19:45And I tell you what,
19:46there's not one person out there
19:47that will disagree with me on that.
19:49I do.
19:55I don't think he deserves that girl.
19:57And if he's not man enough
19:59to take that leap of faith,
20:00then she's better off without him.
20:02Louise, is you tripping?
20:04Girl, they've been together before.
20:06Excuse me, Miss.
20:07You've got four kids.
20:08You've got to get married.
20:10He needs to do the right thing.
20:12Why are you trying to kill that day?
20:14You ain't never been married.
20:16Oh, no.
20:17Oh, no.
20:18I'm not getting married.
20:19I don't see a doctor.
20:20I'm not trying to hear you.
20:30Hi, Ross.
20:31Hey, Frazier.
20:33Listened to your show for about 20 minutes
20:35today.
20:36I didn't even hear your voice.
20:38Well, I'm playing a diminished role these days.
20:42Although still an important one.
20:43I am the glue
20:46that holds the show together.
20:49Or as Mary said in her intro,
20:52the filling
20:54in our little Oreo.
21:00Well, it's no picnic working with Gil either.
21:03You know that little joke he makes before every show
21:05that his taste buds are insured?
21:07They really are.
21:08Oh.
21:11Guess who had to take the claims photo
21:13after he ate a hot slice of pizza?
21:15Oh.
21:16God, Ross, I'm so sorry.
21:18You should be.
21:19Go away for a week and you give away our whole show.
21:22Yes, I know.
21:24Oh, Lord, there she is.
21:26You know what?
21:27I could have nipped this whole thing in the bud
21:29if I'd just been honest with her from the beginning.
21:32You know what?
21:33Perhaps the time has come for me to just tell her the truth.
21:36Wow.
21:38Sounds like an intense conversation.
21:41I think I'll get out of here and give you a little room.
21:43Thank you, Ross.
21:45Thank you, boss.
21:50Hey there, partner.
21:51Is there room for one more at the doctor's table?
21:55Of course, Mary.
21:57Listen, there's something I wanted to talk to you about.
21:59Oh, I don't doubt it.
22:00Could you believe Louise today?
22:02She just would not stop talking, would she?
22:05Well, it's not Louise.
22:06Every time I've turned around,
22:08she's just yappity, yappity, yappity, yappity.
22:10I mean, what is her training anyway?
22:12Mary, please, just stop it.
22:14Stop it, please.
22:15The problem is not with Louise.
22:19It's with you.
22:21What?
22:24Look, the truth is, I...
22:26Look, the truth is, I...
22:29I don't enjoy working with you.
22:32I haven't enjoyed working with you from the start.
22:35We have different styles,
22:36and I have absolutely no respect for the advice that you give.
22:42I had no idea.
22:45Well, why didn't you just say something before?
22:51Well, it's because you're black.
22:56And...
22:58The truth is, I was afraid that if I said something critical of you,
23:02you might react the wrong way, and...
23:07I feel just terrible about it.
23:10Well, maybe you shouldn't feel so bad because...
23:13No, no, actually, I should.
23:14You see, I pride myself in being able to communicate with just about anybody,
23:18and I couldn't even be honest with you.
23:21No, it's not that easy.
23:23You didn't want to disappoint me, I understand.
23:25I mean, if you don't like the show the way it is right now,
23:28then that comes first.
23:30Like Grandpa Willie used to say,
23:33if the shoe don't fit, then that ain't your shoe.
23:40You know, as much as I've come to loathe Grandpa Willie,
23:44that does actually make me feel a little better.
23:48You know, I'll let you in on a little secret.
23:50All those expressions, I made them up myself.
23:56I'll give you another reason not to feel so bad about all this.
24:00Today, KPXY offered me my own show.
24:05I'm gonna be just fine on my own.
24:07Mary, that's wonderful news.
24:10So you forgive me?
24:14Well, I think you could have been honest with me.
24:18Then again, if you had told me to be quiet,
24:20then I'd be back at the bakery.
24:22Instead, I've got this brand new career,
24:25and this afternoon, I'm shopping for cars.
24:29So I guess what I'm saying is,
24:31God bless your guilty white ass, okay?
24:43So, how'd it go?
24:46Well, actually, better than I expected.
24:49Better than I expected.
24:52I guess we're a team again, Ron.
24:54Great.
24:55We'll have to wait a little while.
24:57I mean, I gotta stay with Gil, at least until we find him a replacement.
25:00Oh, right, of course. Well, I can find somebody.
25:06Thank you for your call, Jill.
25:09Well, Chuck, who else is on the line?
25:12Well, Dr. Quain,
25:15we have Winda on line three,
25:18who believes people are laughing at her.
25:29Maybe we can just come back to that one, Chuck.
25:32All righty.
25:35Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling
25:39Tossed salads and scrambled eggs
25:43Oh, my
25:45And maybe I seem a bit confused
25:48Well, maybe
25:50But I got you pegged
25:52Ha, ha, ha, ha
25:55But I don't know what to do
25:57With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs
26:01Scrambled eggs
26:04They're calling again
26:07Goodnight!