Frasier Season 5 Episode 15 Room Service
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00:00Good afternoon, Betsy. I'm listening.
00:05Hi, Dr. Crane. My problem is that my husband wants to take me on a cruise for our anniversary.
00:12Well, that sounds entrancing.
00:14Yes, except I keep having this dream where I'm in our cabin, and all of a sudden I see a few drops of water.
00:21It's starting to leak in, and at first it's just a trickle, and then it's a stream, and then it's gushing,
00:27pouring water everywhere, and there's nothing in the world that I can do to stop the flow.
00:33Well, that's a very powerful image, wouldn't you say so, Roz?
00:39Roz agrees.
00:41Excuse me, I'm looking for Fraser Crane. They told me he'd be up here.
00:45Lilla, it's me, Roz Doyle.
00:48Oh, yes, Fraser's fun-loving producer, who's apparently having a bit too much fun-loving.
00:56You know, I'd love to send one back at you, but I gotta pee.
01:03Well, that's all the time we have for today.
01:06This is Dr. Fraser Crane, wishing you a good day, and good mental health!
01:16I'm sorry. Someone just walked in the room and frightened me.
01:20It's my ex-wife, so if you're a regular listener, you know what I'm talking about.
01:25We'll see you Monday.
01:29Oh, hello, Lilla.
01:32Surprise.
01:33Yes, we're a little past that now, aren't we?
01:35Well, what brings you to Seattle?
01:39I'm here for the National Conference on Self-Psychology.
01:43Ah, and how is Frederick?
01:46And how is Frederick?
01:48Fine. We have an amazing child.
01:51Yes, we have. And, uh, Brian?
01:55Fine. I have an amazing husband.
01:58Yes, yes. So did you two get the gift basket I sent you for the holidays?
02:05What did you do to her?
02:07Nothing. I sent her a gift basket. Fruits and festive nuts.
02:12Oh, it's not the basket you knit. It's Brian.
02:18He left me.
02:21Maybe I should go.
02:23Oh, no. Everyone else knows it. You might as well know it, too.
02:29Brian was looking for someone a bit more... feminine.
02:36And he found him.
02:42Oh, Stan Jablonski, that little hussy.
02:49Oh, Lilith. Oh. I am genuinely sorry.
02:55I didn't know where to turn, but I knew somehow you would be here for me.
03:01Oh. So you didn't come for the conference?
03:05No.
03:06Oh, yes.
03:08You know, you really shouldn't be alone tonight.
03:10Uh, Niles and I are attending a reception at the Union Club.
03:14Would you like to join us?
03:17Oh, thank you, Frasier. I'd love to.
03:22I don't know if I deserve your compassion,
03:25but I feel better already just holding your strong, comforting hands.
03:30Oh.
03:32You know, I'll always be here for you.
03:35Oh. I could stay in these arms all day.
03:41Uh...
03:45Yes, well, uh, you'll have to excuse me.
03:49I have, uh, an appointment.
03:52Uh, stage manager. Very important. Can't be broken.
03:56I'll, uh, see you tonight.
03:59Bye-bye.
04:05Hey.
04:08That's rough, leaving you for another man.
04:11Mm-hmm.
04:12Did you have any idea?
04:13No, none at all.
04:15Stan was a contractor we'd hired to expand our master bedroom.
04:20It's ironic, isn't it?
04:22No sooner do I get the closet of my dreams
04:25than my husband comes out of it.
04:36Oh, hello, Niles.
04:38Oh, Frasier.
04:39Well, that barn looks good.
04:41I know.
04:42Well, I'm glad you're here.
04:44Oh, thank you.
04:46Oh, hello, Niles.
04:47Oh, Frasier.
04:48Well, that barn looks good.
04:50Now, now, remember your diet.
04:52Oh, yes.
04:53Speaking of buns, I could do without Lilith's back.
04:59Oh.
05:00That explains why blood was pouring from all my faucets this morning.
05:08Well, go easy on her.
05:10Her husband has left her.
05:12And get this.
05:14For a man.
05:15Damn.
05:16I owe Dad $5.
05:25Well, poor thing.
05:27I mean, she's obviously devastated.
05:29Her entire world's been turned upside down.
05:31But, yeah, look who I'm talking to.
05:33No one knows better than you how a messy divorce can leave one...
05:36...strangely relaxed.
05:44Niles?
05:46Niles?
05:47Yes?
05:48Am I boring you?
05:50Did I do it again?
05:52I'm sorry.
05:53Frasier, it seems I'm suffering through a bout of narcolepsy.
05:57Good Lord.
05:59When did this start?
06:01Right after we started divorce proceedings.
06:04I checked with my doctor.
06:05I'm fine.
06:06It's a reaction to stress.
06:08It's my way of escaping the frustration of the whole ugly mess.
06:12I'm terribly sorry.
06:13Please, go on with what you're saying.
06:15Well, obviously, Lilith is distraught.
06:17And she's come to me to help her make sense of the whole thing.
06:21I find it just a bit disconcerting.
06:23How so?
06:24Well, we have a destructive pattern.
06:27Whenever she comes to me in need, I find her vulnerability highly desirable.
06:31Against my better judgment, we end up in bed, and I'm left with feelings of regret.
06:36And you felt this way about her today?
06:38Oh, baby.
06:43Well, uh, do your best to avoid her.
06:46No, I can't.
06:47She's joining us at the union club tonight.
06:49What?
06:50She's going to be there?
06:51Oh, come on, Niles.
06:52It's just a bunch of stuffed shirts talking about their portfolios and prostates.
06:56Exactly, and you've ruined it.
07:00Excuse me.
07:01Yes?
07:03Damn.
07:04It's one of Maris' cadre of lawyers.
07:08Uh, we've been over that.
07:11No, I can't.
07:13How dare you?
07:14She already has the house.
07:16I'm not even allowed to visit the koi pond.
07:19Oh.
07:20Oh.
07:27Niles!
07:28I'm not even allowed to visit the koi pond.
07:30Here, give me that.
07:33He will call you back.
07:36Aren't we a pair?
07:38A narcoleptic and a weak-willed sexual obsessive.
07:41Look like a couple of brothers out of an O'Neill play.
07:48Come on, boy.
07:49Come on.
07:50Come.
07:51Hey, Daph, come down here.
07:52I taught him a new trick.
07:53Oh, I love animal tricks.
07:55You know, I was reading in a movie magazine where there's this stunt dog that they taught to ride a motorcycle into a burning building,
08:02pick up a baby in its teeth, then jump out the window to safety.
08:06What did you teach Eddie?
08:10To roll over.
08:13You must be very proud.
08:17Ah, forget it, Eddie.
08:22Oh, hey, Niles.
08:23Evening, Dad, Daphne.
08:25Hello, Niles.
08:27Sherry, I think we have time before Lilith arrives.
08:29What?
08:30You never said she was coming up here.
08:32You just said you were going to dinner.
08:33You never said she was coming up here.
08:37It's just to rendezvous.
08:39It's all of two minutes.
08:40But you never told me.
08:41You've been home an hour.
08:42You never told me not a word.
08:44Did he say anything to you?
08:45No, nothing.
08:46You could have told us, you know.
08:47We could have made plans to be elsewhere.
08:49Well, how come you didn't know about it?
08:51All right, she's coming.
08:55Both of you, suck it up.
08:59Lilith has had a devastating week.
09:01Her husband has left her.
09:04Least you can do is show a little compassion.
09:06Unless, of course, you'd like to go hide in your room.
09:08It's because two minutes of polite conversation with a woman in need is too much to ask.
09:14Out of my way.
09:15Me too.
09:18Lilith!
09:25Remember, Frasier, I'm here for you if you feel yourself starting to weaken.
09:30I'm fine.
09:32Believe me.
09:33I am in complete control.
09:37Oh, baby.
09:41Thank you, Frasier.
09:43I needed that.
09:45I treated myself to a little shopping this afternoon.
09:48Probably just a pathetic attempt to compensate for the battering my ego's taken recently.
09:54It's pretty transparent, huh?
09:57No, but if you're standing in the light, maybe I could...
09:58Frasier.
10:04Niles, sorry to hear your marriage ended in a shambles.
10:08Ditto.
10:15Now that we've got the pleasantries out of the way, let me take your rag.
10:18Oh, thank you.
10:21Niles.
10:23Oh, Lilith, that dress is stunning.
10:26Frasier, may I see you in the kitchen?
10:28No.
10:32It's from a new couture line called Encore.
10:35Oh, well, bravo.
10:39I can almost feel the curtain rising.
10:41Frasier.
10:44Excuse us.
10:47Eddie will entertain you.
10:52Hello, Eddie.
10:58Damn her lily white hide.
11:01She knows what she's doing dressing like that.
11:03That woman plays me like a lute.
11:05Well, I guess you know a thing or two about that.
11:08Look at me. I've got all the resistance of a horny stag.
11:11Niles, you've got to help me through this.
11:13Niles.
11:14Niles.
11:22Did I do it again?
11:23Yes.
11:24You fell asleep with your cheek right against the ice tray.
11:27It's so strange. I dreamt I was tangoing with Maris.
11:34Niles, I need your help resisting Lilith.
11:38All right, all right.
11:39Let me think, let me think.
11:41I think I have the answer.
11:44When you feel yourself yielding to her, summon an image so repellent you'll be incapable of any sexual desire.
11:52Remember, the summer we were at Uncle Henry's farm, we found that dead horse lying in the hot sun crawling with maggots?
11:59Yes, yes, of course.
12:00Hold on to that picture. You can ride that horse to safety.
12:06Thank you, Niles.
12:07I think that might just do the trick.
12:09When it comes to an ugly image, you can't beat a dead horse.
12:18All right.
12:20Feel up to facing her again?
12:21Yes.
12:22Let her bat her eyes all she wants to.
12:24She can push her breasts up to Canada.
12:26I won't budge.
12:40Morning.
12:45Morning.
13:08My God!
13:11What did we do?
13:12Well, first you put your...
13:15I know what we did! What do we do now?
13:19Let's try to stay calm.
13:21These things happen.
13:23They happen every day.
13:25Every day in Arkansas!
13:35Frasier is going to kill us!
13:39Why did you have to look so damn bewitching all evening?
13:43Why'd you have to drive me home and walk me to my door?
13:46Oh, there's no point in pointing fingers.
13:49We both know why this happened.
13:52Last night was simply two wounded people overcome with loneliness and confusion and...
14:00Tequila shooters.
14:05Who's that?
14:07Don't panic. No one knows we're here.
14:09I told Frasier I was driving you home.
14:11Why did you do a stupid thing like that?
14:14Well, it wasn't stupid at the time.
14:16How did I know the minute we got in this room you'd be on me like a hawk on a titmouse?
14:25Just be quiet.
14:28Who is it?
14:29Room service, ma'am.
14:30Oh, that's right.
14:32We ordered breakfast last night.
14:35Good morning, ma'am.
14:36Morning, sir.
14:37I have Eggs Benedict and Eggs Florentine.
14:41Did you bring ketchup?
14:42Oh, uh, no.
14:44I'm sorry. Let me get that for you right now.
14:46Ketchup on Eggs Florentine?
14:48Oh, your, uh, first breakfast together?
14:51Just get it.
14:57Now I remember ordering this.
15:00It's the breakfast I always have after a night of passion.
15:04Eggs Benedict? That's very rich.
15:07I only have it once a year.
15:17That was quick.
15:19Sir, are you awake?
15:20It's Frasier.
15:21Oh, my God.
15:23Just a second.
15:24What'd we do?
15:25Hide in the bathroom.
15:31No, not you.
15:33Wait a minute, wait.
15:35Take the cart with you.
15:37Wait, shh.
15:38Food in the bathroom?
15:39No, I just...
15:48Hello, Frasier.
15:50What are you doing here?
15:51Surrendering, Lilith.
15:53I'm yours.
15:54Oh, no, Frasier.
15:56Oh, please, please don't punish me for playing hard to get last night.
16:00It was everything I had to resist you.
16:02Well, this isn't right.
16:04Who cares?
16:05Lilith, can you honestly tell me that when you were lying in your bed last night, you weren't thinking about me?
16:10Yes.
16:13Oh, drop the mask, Lilith.
16:15We both know why you came to Seattle.
16:17We both know why you dressed so enticingly last night.
16:19Oh, it's...
16:30Is someone in your bathroom?
16:31No, it's a defective toilet.
16:34It's been doing that all night.
16:36I think I'll just go check it right now.
16:42Niles!
16:43Yes?
16:46Ellis Luke flushed the toilet.
16:49Damn.
16:50Is he still here?
16:51Yes, he wants to make love to me.
16:54Does the man have no scruples?
16:59He specifically asked me last night to keep him away from you, but the minute my back is turned, he sneaks back here and, yes, I'm aware of the irony.
17:08I'll just ask him to leave.
17:15My God.
17:18My goddess.
17:27Room service.
17:28Go away.
17:30Well, I have your ketchup, ma'am.
17:32Not necessary.
17:34Okay, but I need the bill.
17:36Later.
17:37Well, let's just take care of this.
17:42I'm sorry to disturb you. Here's the, uh, ketchup.
17:46Sorry it took so long.
17:50Uh, I still need the bill.
17:55Where's the cart?
17:59In the bathroom.
18:01Why is the breakfast cart in the bathroom?
18:03Uh, I was going to take a hot bath while I ate.
18:09Still food in the bathroom.
18:14Be right back.
18:20Well, this is a little embarrassing.
18:24My ex-wife, we're, uh, sort of reconnecting.
18:29Yes, sir. That's, uh, wonderful.
18:33Oh, who knows? It may just work out this time.
18:36Okay.
18:41There you go.
18:43There's a generous, generous tip in there for you.
18:46Thank you, ma'am.
18:47Oh, say, Elizabeth, while you're still here, uh,
18:49why don't you send up an order of eggs benedict?
18:52No reason why she should eat alone.
18:56Okay.
19:02Now, where were we?
19:04Oh, this isn't a good time for this, really.
19:07Why not, Elizabeth?
19:08Oh.
19:09Please, we're alone.
19:10We're here.
19:11You need your breakfast.
19:15What the hell was that?
19:17Wait, Frazier, no, don't go in there! Wait!
19:20Niles!
19:21Yes?
19:24My God!
19:26Oh, Frazier, I'm sorry.
19:28Oh, it was a mistake.
19:29My God!
19:30It was a terrible, misguided mistake.
19:32Stop it, Niles! Stop it! Don't tell me how or why!
19:35I've just got to get out of here!
19:37Frazier, you...
19:41This is my worst nightmare.
19:42You have egg on your face.
19:44That is an understatement.
19:45No actual egg.
19:52It's in your hair, too.
19:55I knew you couldn't stay mad at us.
19:57I'm in our bathrobe, you jackass!
20:04I can understand your shock.
20:06And believe me, if I could erase everything that happened last night, I would.
20:11But if you could just look at this rationally, just for a moment.
20:15We didn't technically do anything wrong.
20:20What?
20:21You didn't do anything wrong?
20:24I'm a little unclear on that myself, but I'm willing to go along with it.
20:28You and I are no longer married.
20:32Neither is Niles.
20:34I won't say this is my shining hour,
20:37but we are not responsible to you or anyone else for our actions.
20:41You're actually defending what you did?
20:44Just listen.
20:47The past few days have been the worst of my life.
20:50I have never been less self-assured, more in need of validation,
20:55both as a person and especially as a woman.
20:58Niles was feeling the same thing.
21:00Exactly.
21:02Wait a minute.
21:05Our physical reaction to each other was nothing more than a desperate attempt to reaffirm our own worth.
21:17That is very impressive, Dr. Stirnan.
21:22Well, I, too, happen to be a psychiatrist.
21:25Let me tell you what actually transpired.
21:29This was a passive-aggressive manifestation of your deep resentments toward me.
21:36Niles, you were punishing me for my notoriety,
21:39you for my successful adjustment after our divorce.
21:43It is this shared bond that brought the two of you to your palace of sweet revenge.
21:50Allow me to rebut.
21:53What a crop!
21:54It is not!
21:55It is so!
21:56This is yet another example of your complete self-absorption,
21:59which is the reason we could not stay together in the first place.
22:03I have a right!
22:04Why am I defending myself?
22:07If you ask me, you are both off the mark.
22:10Last night was about two people ruled by very powerful superegos,
22:15tortured by them,
22:17who found a chance, however misguided,
22:20to break through and rediscover their ids together.
22:24Call me an old softie, but that's how I see it.
22:31Okay, then.
22:35The three of us have certainly analyzed the crap out of this.
22:44Yes.
22:46Where do we all go from here?
22:49I don't know.
22:55That's my cell phone. It's in my jacket pocket.
23:03Hello, Niall Strain.
23:04Do you realize if you had simply given in to me last night instead of this morning,
23:09the three of us would not be in this hell?
23:11No.
23:13It would be the two of us in a whole different hell.
23:17Well, I don't give a damn!
23:19I've been manipulated by your jackals enough!
23:21I'll see you in court!
23:24The very idea that Maris still thinks she can...
23:28Hey.
23:30I'm not sleeping.
23:33That conversation should have put me out like a light.
23:36Well, it's not surprising.
23:38Your experience with Maris has been emasculating.
23:41Last night may have gone a long way toward restoring your self-confidence.
23:46Of course.
23:48And by the same token,
23:50you can now give up the neurotic assumption that Brian left you because you're unattractive.
23:55You have ample evidence to the contrary.
23:58Yes, I have.
24:00Well, to hell with Brian. If he wants a prissy little wife, he can keep Stan.
24:07Oh.
24:08Isn't this peachy?
24:12Everything's turned out just fine for everyone.
24:15You two have solved your problems.
24:17The waiter received a handsome tip.
24:20Niles and I have matching bathrobes.
24:22And looking here, it's not even 9.30 yet.
24:29Fraser, try to understand.
24:32Yes, what happened last night was just...
24:34Oh, stop it, both of you!
24:36Enough!
24:38It happened, and I'm just going to have to deal with it.
24:42I suppose, in a twisted way, there is one positive for me in this.
24:47You see, Lilith, I have never stopped desiring you.
24:51Even though I know we are completely wrong for each other.
24:55But now, from this day forward,
24:59whenever I look at your face, I will see the back of my brother's head!
25:05And that is one bucket of ice water, let me tell you!
25:12You know, Fraser...
25:13Enough, Lilith.
25:14All right.
25:21Maybe I'll just go...
25:25have some breakfast.
25:35Are we okay?
25:39No, we're not.
25:44But we will be.
25:47Well, that's enough for now.
25:54We're an odd little family, aren't we?
25:57Aren't we?
26:03Room service.
26:10Here's your eggs benedict, if you could just...
26:22Okay?
26:28Hey baby, I hear the blues are calling
26:32Tossed salads and scrambled eggs
26:36Oh my
26:38And maybe I seem a bit confused
26:41Well, maybe
26:42But I got you pegged
26:47But I don't know what to do
26:49With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs
26:54They're calling again
26:57Thank you!