Taskmaster NZ S05E04
Taskmaster NZ S05E05 >>> https://dai.ly/x94b4ty
Taskmaster NZ S05E05 >>> https://dai.ly/x94b4ty
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00:00Hello.
00:01And...
00:02Two!
00:03Come on!
00:04Woo-hoo!
00:05That's for the haters.
00:06Come here, come here.
00:07Jiggle a little, see?
00:08Oh!
00:09Ha-ha!
00:10Oh!
00:11Ha-ha-ha!
00:12Oh!
00:13Oh!
00:14Oh!
00:15Oh!
00:16Oh!
00:17Oh!
00:18Oh!
00:19Oh!
00:20Oh!
00:21Oh!
00:22Oh!
00:23Oh!
00:24Oh!
00:25Oh!
00:26Oh!
00:27Oh!
00:28Oh!
00:29Oh!
00:30Oh!
00:31Oh!
00:32Oh!
00:33My name is Jeremy Welsh and it has taken years for me to reach the incredible status I have
00:46today.
00:47I joined the television industry as a task officer before working my way up to task lieutenant,
00:53then task commander and task rear admiral until five years ago when I was
01:02promoted to the highest rank in New Zealand television. That's right, I am now
01:07the taskmaster.
01:13Tonight I will sit in a chair that Caligula would describe as tasteful and
01:18understated and watch as five comedians perform a series of ridiculous tasks all
01:24in the hopes of winning this. A magnificent golden trophy that took
01:32three hours to make and my head was covered in goo the whole time and let me
01:38be the first to tell you it was not worth it competing for this trophy.
01:43Please welcome Abbey Howells, Ben Hurley, Hayley Sproul and Tom Sainsbury and in lieu of
01:58Te Whenga Whipuliai tonight, back again it's your friend and my colleague Matt Heath.
02:07And beside me as always is my assistant, he has the gentle energy of someone who
02:13has either never been in a violent situation or has otherwise committed
02:18dozens of murders. Please put your hands together for Paul Williams.
02:27Jeremy I was wondering if before we get started you could sign my petition.
02:31What's it a petition for? You know when you go to like a sit-down restaurant and
02:36you get a burger, the burger's too tall. Like I can't fit it in my mouth. I'm
02:42sorry but if you have to stick a knife down through it to keep it together, that
02:45burger is too tall. Okay so you want me to sign something? Just on that please.
02:51It's a blank piece of paper. Okay you got me, I wanted your autograph for my niece.
02:58If you could make it out to her. What's her name? Her name is Paul Williams.
03:04Is that what you want? Yes please. God help me. Thank you.
03:19Okay what's our prize task tonight Paul? Tonight we've asked our contestants to
03:25bring in the best thing that makes you go hmm I don't know about that. So let's
03:32start with Matt. You are in here as a surrogate for Tofinga. Mm-hmm. What have
03:37you brought in? Well it's something that I've dipped into a couple of times but
03:41it's still quite a big mystery to me but it's the woman's reproductive system.
03:50Have you got two children? Yeah but I'm not, I can't see in there when that's
03:54happening if you know what I mean. Tom, do you reckon you can better that? Look I found mine at like a market and I
04:01thought hmm I don't know about that. I've named her, I've named her Abbey Haley.
04:09And you might not realise that but if you peel up her skirts you'll find a
04:14toilet roll in there. Tom you can't confuse Matt like this, like pull up the
04:20woman's skirt and there's a toilet roll in there. I know. He already doesn't know. Is that normal? Sometimes.
04:32So what's the practical reason for it? Because are you just keeping your toilet roll warm?
04:39I think it was an idea that seeing a toilet roll was somehow revolting. It was unseemly. It was unsightly.
04:45So that's way more unsightly though isn't it? Abbey. Yes? What's something that you went hmm I don't know about that?
04:53Well I brought in my friend Eric and I'm actually here to advocate for him because initially he'd be like oh I don't know about that.
05:05That's a ventriloquist dummy with a dirty Phantom of the Opera mask on it. So Eric was actually in my first ever solo stand-up
05:14show I did and we travelled all over the world together. Can you do Eric's voice for us?
05:19He was like hello Abbey. I love women's comedy, I support you so much.
05:27Ben? So I get motion sickness, I get car sickness which I think we can all agree is both sexy and cool.
05:35So I went on the internet to try and find a cure because I'd tried everything and I purchased these glasses that you put on
05:47and they have liquid in them so that you have an equilibrium at all times. And do they work? Hmm I don't know about that.
06:01Hayley what did you bring in? I've actually brought in this cuck chair.
06:06Now the winner of tonight's show doesn't get this chair but what they do get is to come over to my house, they can sit in that chair
06:17and then either myself or my partner Aaron will make love to either someone who wins it or their partner or spouse.
06:25Hmm tell me more. What a prize that would be, cheapest. And so we get to see all of these things?
06:34To be honest it's actually open to anyone and everyone watching, they can come over and sit in my cuck chair, yourself included Jeremy.
06:39And while there's a lot of motion going on, these would come in handy.
06:43So I'm going to have to score this. The Abbey Hayley, my grandmother actually had one of those so I'm quite familiar with them.
06:50So I'm going to give you one point for that because I've seen a lot of those. Matt very familiar with the female reproductive system, myself two points there.
07:00Not only the master of tasks.
07:04Three points for Ben's motion sickness glasses, four points only just as that horrific ventriloquist dummy that came in.
07:13He's an ally Jeremy.
07:15And five points for you Hayley. Thank you.
07:22So what is our first proper task Paul? It's time to bring some order to the chaos.
07:29Music
07:36Hello Te Whanga. Hello Paul. Hello. Hello Abbey. Hello Ben. Hi.
07:42This looks exciting. What a strange collection of goods.
07:46Space these objects out in the right order. Fastest and most accurate object order wins.
07:53You have ten minutes. Your time starts now.
07:59The right order for what? Is this one object? Okay.
08:07Alright let's get on to it. Who's ordering are we going to see first?
08:10Up first it's Ben Hayley and Hurley Sproul.
08:14In the right order.
08:16Just got anything useful in here?
08:18Anna, Anna, Anna.
08:20Those are mine.
08:22Yeah.
08:23Property of Paul. Bit odd.
08:25That's a chocolate bar. That's a fork. That's a temperature.
08:29A satin handkerchief. Venus flytrap.
08:32A plate of soil.
08:33And a shoe with some pita bread.
08:35These don't make a great deal of sense to me.
08:37I'm just going to put it in alphabetical order.
08:39T.U.V. Paul's pervert folder. P.
08:43There we go.
08:44That's not correct. That's not correct.
08:46Is it the story of man? The sun started it all didn't it? And that's sort of a temperature there.
08:51So you've walked to get some bread and you've eaten the bread and that's your dessert.
08:55Boom!
08:56Earth sprung life and then we sort of evolved from life to man.
09:02Then man was like, whoa, bloody hungry.
09:07So he learnt how to eat.
09:09And then on the way home you see a nice Venus flytrap.
09:12Then it's its story of how it eats.
09:15Okay so that's kind of setting up the sequel.
09:17Yeah the sequel, yeah.
09:18Got you. Well it's not that.
09:20This one, bless you.
09:24Are you allergic to the plants maybe?
09:26I'm allergic to your bullshit.
09:27What?
09:28Sorry, sorry about that.
09:31Maybe it's just size.
09:34Yep.
09:35No sorry.
09:36Oh not again.
09:37Is that the order?
09:38That's not the order.
09:39Is that the order?
09:40That's not the order.
09:41Is that the order?
09:42That's not the order.
09:47It's hard to tell what the order is there.
09:49Do you know what?
09:50I give up.
09:51I'm just going to enjoy myself for 20 seconds.
09:55You've got one minute and seven seconds.
09:57Yeah.
09:58Did you put that in the dirt?
10:01Yep.
10:03Alright.
10:04Thank you Ben.
10:05Alright.
10:10Okay Paul, well before we go on I think we probably need to address your swearing,
10:14your rudeness towards Hayley.
10:16Would you like to apologise to Hayley for that?
10:18I'm sorry Hayley.
10:20I will say I knew that as soon as she agreed to come on the show
10:24that I was going to have allergy flare ups.
10:28Because I am legit allergic to her bullshit.
10:33I'm still bamboozled by that by the way.
10:35I have no idea.
10:36Do you know what?
10:37I don't want any points.
10:38That task was dumb.
10:40Alright, stop everything.
10:42It's time to go to an ad break and sell some stuff.
10:44Why not entertain yourself by putting all the products in order
10:47from most to least evil.
10:50We'll see you soon.
11:03Kia ora koutou and welcome back to Taskmaster.
11:06Before the break we were watching comedians attempt to put eight objects
11:09in a specific order because it's season five
11:12and we're running out of ideas.
11:16Who's up next Paul?
11:17Let me put this sentence in alphabetical order.
11:20Abbey and Howells, it's Sainsbury Tom.
11:26Anna Nicole, Anna Paquin, Anna...
11:32Annas, these are all Annas.
11:34They're mine.
11:35I love my Annas.
11:37No they're not your Annas.
11:38They were your Annas.
11:40My apologies.
11:41Tissue, Peter, pen, Peter.
11:44Oh and there's a foot in the waste paper basket.
11:48Pluto.
11:49You don't need to put that in there.
11:50I don't need to?
11:51No that's just rubbish.
11:52That's nothing.
11:53Okay.
11:54Sainsbury, brain, don't fail me now.
11:57Pluto.
11:59So Snickers.
12:00Was that a Mars?
12:01Can I just check?
12:02Is it a Mars?
12:03I'm not familiar with these.
12:04It's a Mars.
12:08They're the planets.
12:10Pluto's not a planet anymore.
12:12Venus.
12:13Okay, I've got it.
12:15Autism rules.
12:17Pen recognition.
12:20My man.
12:22Okay, Mercury, Venus, Earth.
12:27We've got Mars and we've got Venus.
12:29Mars.
12:30Jupiter.
12:31Jupiter.
12:33Jupiter.
12:36Saturn.
12:37This is Saturn.
12:39Neptune.
12:41It's like a tuning fork.
12:43It's Neptune.
12:44It's his trident.
12:46Uranus.
12:48Uranus.
12:52Stop the clock.
12:53Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune.
12:59Pluto.
13:00I feel alive.
13:02I feel electric.
13:10Well, first off, Abbey, congratulations on the autism.
13:13Thank you so much.
13:15It's an honour and a privilege.
13:17That was really good.
13:18This all makes me think maybe I need to get tested.
13:23That was the test.
13:26Congratulations, you're in the club.
13:28Oh my god.
13:29Yay.
13:30Don't look me in the eyes.
13:34How did watching that make you guys feel?
13:38Just real dumb.
13:42Yeah, pretty dumb.
13:43On the bright side, I don't have to wear headphones at concerts.
13:53I went to a concert and I did wear some headphones.
13:58And I remember thinking, Abbey, everyone thinks I look real cool.
14:03Okay, by my calculations, we've still got one comedian left, Paul.
14:08Correct, Jeremy.
14:09And even if you're terrible at putting things in order,
14:11I'm sure you can probably guess who's coming up next.
14:14It's Taufinga.
14:16Oh.
14:17What's her name again?
14:18Hannah Paquin.
14:20Why have you got all these pictures of her?
14:22Those are my Annas.
14:24Your Annas?
14:25Yeah.
14:28Okay.
14:29What sort of plant is this?
14:30It's a Venus flytrap.
14:31A what?
14:32Venus flytrap.
14:33A Venus flytrap?
14:34It traps flies.
14:36Just flies?
14:38Why are you asking?
14:39I was wondering if you wanted a trap, Hannah Paquin.
14:42A fork.
14:43Oh.
14:45Now I know why the fork's there.
14:46Why?
14:47Because I'm wondering what the fork this is all about now.
14:51Are you enjoying this one?
14:52It's probably my favourite task of all time.
14:55I just wish I had my family here.
14:57It's just so wonderful.
14:58You've got four minutes and 22 seconds.
15:00Thank you, Paul.
15:01It's really helping me.
15:03It's okay.
15:08I hope you think.
15:09It does still need to be in the order, though.
15:11Oh, yeah.
15:12I'll leave a little bit.
15:14I just have to get the order right.
15:15It doesn't have to explain what it's supposed to mean, eh?
15:18Yeah.
15:20That is not the correct order.
15:23That's not right.
15:25That's not right, but you're not that far off.
15:28Not that far off?
15:30No.
15:33It's quite a stink task.
15:35Okay.
15:36There's ten minutes I can't get back from my life, Paul.
15:38I've got to spend that with my kids.
15:40Doing their maths homework.
15:42Telling them a story before they go to bed.
15:44But you ask me, come here, do this.
15:49Thanks, Paul.
15:50Thank you, Tofinga.
15:56Okay, Paul.
15:57Would you like to publicly apologise to Tofinga
16:00for taking him away from his kids?
16:03Sorry, Tofinga.
16:05That's a heartfelt apology.
16:06Yeah.
16:12Sorry.
16:13Having a flare-up.
16:17Matt, would you like to explain whether or not
16:20you thought Tofinga was being sarcastic when he said that he...
16:23No, no, he wasn't.
16:25We at Team Tofinga, we don't approve of that task.
16:29I don't think we even want to be part of that order.
16:32I don't approve of it.
16:33We approve.
16:35We actually might just boycott that.
16:37And I think we're a majority now,
16:39so I reckon that task gets stricken from the record.
16:41Yeah.
16:42I mean, I think, luckily, you aren't a part of it
16:44because you get no points at all.
16:46So I think that's fine.
16:47No, but you're not giving us no points.
16:49We're not taking the points.
16:52We don't want your points.
16:53We don't want your points.
16:54So if I gave you points, you wouldn't take them?
16:56Well, how many are you offering?
17:00How are we going to divvy up the points?
17:02Well, so it was timed.
17:04Tom and Abbey, the only two to successfully order the items.
17:08Tom in 8 minutes and 54 seconds.
17:11Abbey in 4 minutes and 10 seconds.
17:16That's impressive.
17:19So how would you like to score it?
17:21Probably a 4 and a 5.
17:22So 4 for Tom?
17:23Yeah.
17:24And 5 points for Abbey Howells.
17:28It's only fair.
17:29OK, so where does that leave the episode score so far, Paul?
17:32Out in first with 9 points, Abbey Howells.
17:40All right, Paul, these tasks are just like a potato snack
17:42that I'm not allowed to name.
17:44I have popped and I cannot stop.
17:46Give me another one, please.
17:48It's another team task
17:49and it's time for a good old-fashioned boxing match.
18:05Oh, wow. OK.
18:07Hey, Paul.
18:08Oh, my God, this is exciting.
18:09Kia ora, Paulie.
18:10You go, mate.
18:13OK, build the tallest skyscraper out of the boxes
18:16without leaving your designated areas.
18:18One person will build, the other two will supply boxes.
18:22The supplier may request a box by asking Paul for it by number.
18:27That supplier must do an impression...
18:29..of the person written on the box.
18:32If the builder guesses the impression correctly...
18:35..the supplier may supply it.
18:37..the builder may not request a new box...
18:40..until the last impression has been guessed.
18:43If you cheat, Paul will knock over your skyscraper
18:47and you must start again.
18:49Tallest skyscraper wins.
18:50You have one minute to discuss your roles
18:53and 15 minutes to build.
18:55Your time starts now.
18:56I reckon you be the impressionist.
18:57And you be the builder?
18:58Mm.
18:59You want me to be the builder?
19:00Yeah, you go, builder.
19:01I'm confident to be in here.
19:02Yeah, I trust you.
19:03OK, and we'll do the impressions.
19:05Yeah. Oh, boy.
19:10How quick was Ben Hurley to say,
19:13right, Hayley, you do the acting and I'm going to do the building?
19:15Building's for boys, acting's for girls.
19:17No, Hayley spent $38,000 on an acting degree
19:21that she's never used.
19:24All right, who's first?
19:25It's the team of three.
19:27Supplier's ready.
19:28We're ready.
19:29Builder.
19:30Builder ready.
19:31Ready.
19:32Let's go for number 29.
19:36Right, a beautiful house out of juncture bridge.
19:39Oh, the witch from Hansel and Gretel.
19:41Yes!
19:42We got it!
19:43Go, go, go, go!
19:44OK, let's go for number 45.
19:48I'm a bit of a star man, you might say.
19:51Oh, David Bowie.
19:52Yeah!
19:54You do one.
19:56I'm Norman Bates.
19:58I'm hit, Afrin Titchcock.
20:00Oh, his mother, mother...
20:01No.
20:05You're holding a knife.
20:06From?
20:07Psycho.
20:08Yeah!
20:09A knife from Psycho.
20:10Yeah!
20:11That's not a character!
20:12Let's go for 53.
20:14Marilyn Monroe.
20:15I'm chocolate.
20:16I melt in the mouth, not in the hand.
20:19You're the Green Man Minion.
20:20Yeah!
20:21Correct.
20:22You go for?
20:23Number four.
20:24I don't even know who this is.
20:26Should we just say his name so we can go on to the next one?
20:29Yeah.
20:30Ernest Rutherford.
20:32Oh, no!
20:33Oh, no!
20:34I'm so sorry.
20:3614.
20:37Yes.
20:38Please be easy.
20:40Oh, I really love doing magic.
20:42Harry Potter's...
20:44Oh, Daniel Radcliffe?
20:45Different character.
20:46Oh, it's a different character.
20:48Oh, gosh.
20:49I don't even watch Harry Potter.
20:50I'm sitting on my...
20:52Chair?
20:53Seat?
20:54Ass?
20:55Not the top, but the...
20:57Bottom.
20:58Neville Longbottom.
20:59Yeah!
21:01Number six.
21:02I'm American, and I love to fly jet planes.
21:06Tom Cruise?
21:07Yeah!
21:08Wait.
21:09Tom Cruise and Top Gun?
21:10Yeah!
21:11Correct.
21:12Can we have number 10, please?
21:14That's hard.
21:15Yeah.
21:16Apparel Parasolter?
21:17Yes!
21:20Number nine.
21:24Many millions of years ago.
21:26Yes, this is good.
21:28You're a dinosaur?
21:29Yep.
21:30Are you a species of dinosaur?
21:31Yes.
21:32Rolosauraptor?
21:33Correct.
21:34Yes, yes, that's right!
21:35One minute left.
21:36I've only told them to blow the bloody doors off.
21:39Five seconds.
21:40Sons of a tangerine.
21:41Oh, oh, Bruce, what have you done?
21:45Three, two...
21:48Chuck.
21:55Oh, Tom.
21:56Tom, you had to just chuck another box on there at the end,
21:59didn't you?
22:00I know.
22:01We did.
22:02I don't know if you noticed in our charts,
22:04whenever I would get someone, it would be like,
22:06Michael Caine was someone easy,
22:09and Ernest Rumsfeld...
22:10Once again, Team Twofinger's doing all the hard work.
22:12Yeah.
22:13Yeah, but did you like Twofinger's strategy,
22:15which was if Tom couldn't guess it,
22:17he'd just continue doing the same thing?
22:19It worked.
22:20And it worked.
22:21It worked.
22:22Should we see other team,
22:23or should I tell you how tall their tower was?
22:25I think you should tell us how tall their tower was.
22:2778 centimetres.
22:28Not bad.
22:29Hard to beat.
22:30That's pathetic.
22:32All right, stop everything.
22:34Let's do your best impression of a good consumer
22:36and watch these ads.
22:37We'll see you straight after the break.
22:51Nau mai, hoki mai.
22:52Welcome back to Taskmaster.
22:54Who have we got next, Paul?
22:55It's time to see the acting skills of a drama school graduate
22:59and the building skills of a Ben Hurley.
23:02It's Hayley and Ben.
23:057, 24, or 50?
23:067, let's go 7.
23:077.
23:09OK.
23:14Psycho, knife.
23:16Alfred Hitchcock.
23:17What is the thing that's in my hand?
23:18It's a knife.
23:19From?
23:20Psycho.
23:21The knife from Psycho?
23:22Was it?
23:23Yeah.
23:24Oh, right, so it's not just people.
23:25OK.
23:26Ooh, Merry Christmas.
23:30Oh, Ebenezer Scrooge.
23:31Ooh.
23:32You're the Ghost of Christmas Past.
23:33Not the past.
23:34You're the Ghost of Christmas Future.
23:36Yeah.
23:40Ooh, hello, everybody.
23:42Queen Elizabeth II.
23:43Or?
23:44Queen Elizabeth I.
23:47We are brothers and we learned to fly the first.
23:52Oh, the Wright Brothers.
23:53Which one?
23:54Orville Williams.
23:55Yes!
23:56I'm good at history.
23:57Why is everybody taking so long?
24:00Please.
24:02Don't take my, don't make me choose!
24:04Meryl Streep.
24:06I'm an American actress.
24:08You're a Jerry Maguire?
24:11Yes.
24:12Yes.
24:13I play a British journalist.
24:14Yes, yes.
24:15I got big and then I get skinny.
24:16You're Bridget Jones and you're in the one about the Civil War.
24:18Yeah.
24:19And what is your name?
24:20I look like I've sucked on a lemon.
24:22Yeah, yeah, I know exactly who you mean.
24:23I can't think of a name.
24:25Renee Zellweger.
24:27Oh, man.
24:28Come on, come on.
24:29OK, pick a number.
24:30Oh, no, no, no.
24:31Bottom one, the bottom one.
24:32Windows not allowed?
24:33The bottom one.
24:34Windows not allowed?
24:35OK.
24:36OK.
24:37What is happening?
24:39Right, what's the deal with like crazy people these days?
24:42Isha Carlson.
24:46Yes!
24:47Look at how the eagle flies.
24:49David Attenborough.
24:50Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
24:52Dame Julie Andrews.
24:53Real famous little chocolate button.
24:55You're a green M&M.
24:56I'm going to write a play, thou doth not know.
24:59Oh, William Shakespeare.
25:00I wake up at one four in the morning.
25:02Elvis Presley.
25:03Here you go.
25:0420 seconds.
25:05Yes!
25:06Yes, yes, yes.
25:07You're so good.
25:08You're so good.
25:09That was really good.
25:10You're so good.
25:16Such positive affirmation in your team.
25:20It's not often I say this, Hayley,
25:21but that drama degree really came in handy.
25:24That is $38,000 before your very eyes, Jeremy.
25:29Congratulations on knowing the Wright brothers' name.
25:32I mean, that was good.
25:34Orville and Wilbur.
25:35Wilbur.
25:36Yeah.
25:37That was good.
25:38Hey.
25:39But you could tell I was doing Orville.
25:41Yeah, totally.
25:42The performance gave Orville.
25:43I was like, I know Wilbur, my Wilbur sits more back here,
25:46like this.
25:47Orville's more front leading, like that.
25:50How high was Hayley and Ben's tower?
25:54The height to beat was 78 centimetres.
25:57Theirs was 287 centimetres.
26:04So in terms of scoring,
26:05five points presumably for the team of two.
26:07How many for the team of three?
26:09That's a good question.
26:10Tom, Abbey and Tofinga should get two.
26:13Two points.
26:14I think that's fair.
26:15Yeah, that is fair.
26:17And you know what?
26:18I'm going to take part in this task,
26:19as opposed to the other one.
26:21Oh, was that not clear?
26:22I've opted back in as well.
26:23Yeah, back in.
26:24Right, time for another task, Paul.
26:26What have you got in store for us?
26:27Get your backpacks off and get your books out.
26:29School is in session.
26:42Hello, Ben.
26:43Hi, Paul.
26:44Hello, Paul.
26:45Hello, Abbey.
26:46Hello, Hayley.
26:47Hi.
26:48Hi, Paul.
26:50My favourite.
26:52What's your favourite?
26:53Apples.
26:54Apple.
26:56Oh, were you saying hey, Paul, or apple?
26:58It's hey, Paul, or apple.
27:00Oh, OK.
27:01Apple.
27:03Hello.
27:05All right, what are we in for now?
27:08Teach Paul a lesson.
27:11This lesson wins.
27:13You have 30 minutes.
27:15Your time starts, as always, now.
27:19Hmm.
27:24Seems pretty simple.
27:25Teach Paul a lesson.
27:27We all know Paul doesn't really know that much,
27:29so it's not hard, surely.
27:32OK.
27:33For first period, we've got Mr Hurley and Mr Sainsbury.
27:39What if I taught you every New Zealand Prime Minister
27:42since 1935 in order?
27:44That would be pretty good.
27:45What ones can you name?
27:47Bill English.
27:48Obviously.
27:49Obviously.
27:50I'm wondering if I can do the scattergun effect,
27:52if I try and teach you many lessons.
27:54Like quantity over quality.
27:55Yeah.
27:56Because I'm a cool teacher,
27:57I'm going to sit in my chair like this.
28:01Very cool.
28:02First up, we've got biology.
28:04Did you know that seagulls,
28:05to every eight male chicks that are hatched,
28:0810 female chicks are hatched?
28:10And 14% of seagulls are exclusively lesbian.
28:13Did you know that?
28:14No.
28:15Michael Joseph Savage becomes the first Labour Prime Minister.
28:19Peter Fraser, now he was our wartime Prime Minister,
28:22and we had Mike Moore.
28:25Do you like using a megaphone,
28:27or do you like using a Mike Moore?
28:32When it is the verb, you stress the second syllable.
28:36When it is the noun, you stress the first syllable.
28:38He's an object, but I object.
28:42We had Chippy Hippy.
28:43That's what I'm going to call him,
28:44because I think that adds some fun to the lesson.
28:46So when I'm handing you a gift, it is a...
28:49Present.
28:50No.
28:51It's a...
28:52Present.
28:53Sorry, I thought you were presenting me.
28:55Oh, sorry.
28:56With a gift.
28:57You get it.
28:58There's English.
28:59There's probably not a great mnemonic here, is there?
29:01Mary Poppins said...
29:02Mary Poppins said...
29:03Wait, children.
29:04Wait, children.
29:05Wait, children.
29:06Jumping never works.
29:08Would also maybe help if you came up with a story
29:10that sort of involved their names.
29:12I mean, that's how I remember it.
29:13What's your story?
29:14Well, just the story of New Zealand history.
29:17Oh, OK.
29:18They're like, Christ has risen again.
29:20And Thomas is like, I don't believe that.
29:23And then from then on, he was known as Thomas the Doubter.
29:26Oh, wow.
29:27I know.
29:28OK, that's your religious instruction.
29:29What else am I missing?
29:30Mary.
29:31Mary.
29:32Mary.
29:33Mary.
29:34Mary.
29:35Mary.
29:36Mary.
29:37Mary.
29:38Mary.
29:39Mary.
29:40Mary.
29:41Mary.
29:42What was the most common female name in the 1950s?
29:45Anne.
29:46Close.
29:47Anna.
29:48It wasn't close.
29:49Oh.
29:50It begins with N.
29:51Mary.
29:52Mary.
29:53Do you know what the least common name was in the 1950s?
29:55Adolf?
29:56You still don't meet many Adolfs.
30:00No.
30:01Jumping, Jax, Hate, Jumping, Bill English, Jacinda Ardern,
30:07Chris Hipkins, Chris Luxon.
30:11Well done.
30:18Some important lessons learnt there.
30:20So Ben taught you the New Zealand Prime Ministers from the Second World War.
30:24Correct.
30:25Can you list them in order now?
30:31Hey, hey, the task is not teach Paul a lesson and have him retain it for three months.
30:37That's true.
30:39Tom.
30:40Yes.
30:41You were teaching a different type of curriculum.
30:44I did everything.
30:45Something else about seagulls is that they live to...
30:49I'm feeling like I'm more and more Abbey Howells at every moment.
30:54They lived, like there was a species of seagulls that lived to 45,
30:57so you might be walking around with a seagull that's like,
31:00get out of my way, and it's 45 years old.
31:02Yeah.
31:03Wow.
31:04For a while there you pivoted into religious studies.
31:06I did.
31:07Well, you know, there was a Catholic school, wasn't it, Claire,
31:10with our overlord, you, overlooking everything.
31:14Maybe one day you'll be crucified, Jeremy.
31:18One can only hope, Abbey.
31:20One can only hope.
31:21Save us from our sins.
31:22Exactly.
31:23That's enough learning for now.
31:24It's time to soften your brain with the soothing power of unskippable ads.
31:29We'll see you after that.
31:37Welcome back to Taskmaster,
31:39where five comedians are trying to win a haunted puppet from Abbey
31:43that will definitely kill them in their sleep.
31:46Where were we, Paul?
31:48Our five contestants were attempting to teach me a lesson.
31:51So far, Ben has taught me every New Zealand Prime Minister
31:54since World War II,
31:55and Tom Sainsbury has taught me which seagulls are gay.
32:01For seven years, I've been trying to figure out
32:05For second period, we've got Miss Sproul and Mr Fipuliai.
32:11Can I have a bite?
32:13You can have several.
32:14OK.
32:16I'm going to teach you a small marching routine,
32:19which you will then perform.
32:22I'm actually allergic to apples.
32:24Um...
32:25How allergic?
32:26I'll be fine.
32:27I've got a bit of an itchy throat.
32:28I'll teach you to make a cup of tea.
32:30You know how to make a cup of tea?
32:31Not really.
32:33Not really.
32:34We'll go to the kitchen and I'll teach you.
32:35That's a lesson, eh?
32:37Are you sure you should keep eating that?
32:39You're allergic.
32:40A little bit.
32:41OK.
32:42I have allergies too.
32:43Well, you're allergic too.
32:44I'm allergic to your bullshit.
32:47Now that we've got water in here, what do you do?
32:50Turn it on.
32:51Yeah, that's the one.
32:52Now, while we're waiting for the hot water,
32:54what we usually do is we learn a dance or a song.
32:57OK.
32:58Stand and up, stand and down.
33:03Why have your head down?
33:04I thought that's what you did.
33:05No, no.
33:06And then I say,
33:08and you go,
33:11Yeah, but you have to move your hips as well.
33:14Stand and down.
33:16No, don't do the head.
33:17I'm looking at your feet.
33:18My head just naturally wants to go down.
33:20It just feels more respectful.
33:22To whom?
33:23Who are you bowing to?
33:25The troops.
33:26Just pour it into a cup.
33:27About three quarters.
33:29There's your cup of tea.
33:30That's us, Paul.
33:32You don't want to do any more?
33:33Nah.
33:36Ready?
33:37Stand at ease.
33:39Stand and up, stand and down.
33:42Head up.
33:43Attention.
33:44Stand and up, stand and down.
33:47Quick.
33:48March.
33:49And one, two, three, four.
33:51In.
33:52And one, two, three, four.
33:54In.
33:55And one, two, three, four.
33:57In.
33:58Left.
33:59March.
34:00And one, two, and three, four.
34:04And in.
34:05And salute.
34:06And up.
34:07Two, three, down.
34:11I think that's a really good start.
34:13Chicken noodle tea.
34:15Chicken noodle tea.
34:16A kikipopo kikipopo.
34:17A rumpapa tea.
34:18A rumpapa tea.
34:19A kikipopo kikipopo.
34:20Simi simi se.
34:21A simi simi se.
34:22A willy willy mitty.
34:23A willy willy mitty.
34:24Viva, viva, hey.
34:26Suana papa nana.
34:28Suana papa nana.
34:29Suana papa nana.
34:31Suana, suana, suana, banana.
34:34Suana, suana, suana.
34:37Banana.
34:38If you want it, throw it outside.
34:40If you want it.
34:41Throw it outside.
34:42Throw it outside.
34:43Throw it outside.
34:44Yee-hoo.
34:45Yee-hoo.
34:46Ay.
34:47My man.
34:53Matt, as Tuffing is surrogate tonight.
34:56Yes, we're very happy with that.
34:59How much of Tuffing's dance was culturally appropriate there,
35:03with your knowledge of Samoan dance?
35:05120%.
35:06Wow.
35:07The kikipopo kikipopo, you got that down, didn't you?
35:10Yeah.
35:11Have you retained the dance?
35:13I think if he led me, I might be able to.
35:15Go on, Matt.
35:16Are you able to fulfil that role?
35:19Suana pop banana, I remember that bit.
35:21It was the kikipopo kikipopo.
35:23I don't think that's quite right.
35:25It was definitely if you don't want it, throw it outside.
35:27That's right.
35:28Which is a good lesson for anyone.
35:31True.
35:32Hayley, were you impressed?
35:34Paul's dancing was quite good.
35:35Where did you learn...
35:36Sorry, sorry.
35:37Dancing, Jeremy?
35:40Marching is a sport.
35:42It's sort of like dressage for people.
35:44It's sort of this.
35:47When did you do marching?
35:48Still.
35:49You march now?
35:50Yeah.
35:51I've marched since I was like eight years old and I'm 34.
35:54Why?
35:56It's a good question.
35:58How many people are you rustling up for your marching?
36:00Is it just you?
36:01No, no, it's a team.
36:02There's a team?
36:03In a technical block, there's ten.
36:05Impressive.
36:06And you can get ten people together to do that?
36:07We'll get hundreds.
36:09OK, Paul.
36:10I'm ready for another lesson.
36:11Who have we got next?
36:12Last but academically not least, it's Dr Howells.
36:17Stop right there!
36:20Before you pass, you must answer my question three.
36:25OK.
36:26Is your name Paul?
36:29Yes.
36:30Do you like to party?
36:33Yeah.
36:34Do you think I'm beautiful?
36:40Do you think I'm beautiful?
36:49Yes.
36:50Whoa!
36:54Thank you, Paul.
36:56You have freed me.
36:57Because you can see that I was beautiful on the inside.
37:01And that's what matters.
37:04OK.
37:05Telling the truth serves a lot of good, doesn't it?
37:08I was going to say, like, when you had the mask on,
37:10I felt like I was lying when I said yes.
37:12Yeah, I kind of hoped that you would say.
37:15But the magic still worked anyway.
37:17OK.
37:18Yeah.
37:19And it's important to be kind and respectful, OK?
37:23Because you don't know what people are going through.
37:26Thank you for saving me.
37:28No worries.
37:32OK, Abby.
37:33So just quickly clarify the lesson that you were teaching Paul there.
37:37It was through not lying that he found my inner beauty.
37:42But he did.
37:43But he didn't lie.
37:44He did lie.
37:45I did lie.
37:46That mask was, I'd say, objectively ugly.
37:50I think probably the lesson he learned was kindness always.
37:54Always.
37:55Always.
37:57I think I did learn that if you're going to hurt someone's feelings,
38:01lie.
38:02And why are we vilifying the ugly version of Abby?
38:05Like, why is she bad?
38:06Well, that's another lesson.
38:08Hey, this is the thing.
38:10The actual thing that we watched, there was no lesson.
38:13No.
38:14All right?
38:15Let's just be clear about that.
38:16I'm hearing nothing but lessons.
38:17There was no lesson.
38:18There was no lesson.
38:19I will say I did learn the lesson that ugly people are bad.
38:23I will say I did learn the lesson that ugly people are gross.
38:28Yes.
38:30And should be avoided.
38:32Yes.
38:33OK, I have to score this.
38:36One point for Abby, because there was no lesson.
38:39OK?
38:40It was teach Paul a lesson, and there was no lesson.
38:43I enjoyed it, but there was no lesson.
38:45I don't think you did.
38:46You're fired up, mate.
38:47I loved it.
38:50It's true.
38:51This is literally the shittiest we've seen him all season.
38:55Two points for Hayley, because there was one lesson that was taught,
38:58and it was the marching.
39:00Tofinga ended up teaching Paul two lessons.
39:03Well, one and a half, really, so I'll give him three points.
39:06Tom taught Paul some lessons,
39:10but he didn't testimony any of the lessons,
39:13so none of it went in.
39:15Whereas I thought, Ben, actually, you should get five points,
39:18because you taught Paul a lesson, and he remembered it at the time,
39:21even though now he doesn't.
39:22I taught Paul.
39:23Yes.
39:24Yeah, beautiful.
39:25Thanks, guys.
39:26So that does it for part four.
39:27It's time for you to watch some videos that all have the same important lesson.
39:31It's good to buy stuff.
39:33We'll see you after the break.
39:35Welcome back to Taskmaster, you cheeky rascals.
39:38Now, if you're just joining us, you have really screwed up your timing,
39:41because we're nearly at the end of the episode.
39:44We have just got the live task to go, but before we get to that,
39:48can I have a score update, please, Paul?
39:50It's extremely tight, but out in front on 13, it's Ben,
39:53and it's Hayley.
39:54Hayley, you're up.
39:55Hayley, you're up.
39:56Hayley, you're up.
39:57Hayley, you're up.
39:58Hayley, you're up.
39:59Hayley, you're up.
40:00Hayley, you're up.
40:01Hayley, you're up.
40:02Hayley, you're up.
40:03Out in front on 13, it's Ben Hurley.
40:05Oh, wow.
40:06OK.
40:07We've been out in front.
40:08It's anyone's episode.
40:10All right, you guys, please head up to the stage
40:12for the final task of the show.
40:18OK, Paul, who's reading out the task tonight?
40:21Ben Hurley will read the task.
40:23OK.
40:24Sure.
40:25Write down the name of an animal, vegetable or vehicle
40:29and hand it to Paul.
40:34Thank you, Tom.
40:35Thank you, Matt.
40:36Thank you, Hayley.
40:37You're welcome.
40:38Thank you, Ben.
40:39Thank you, Abby.
40:41There's a second task.
40:42Yeah.
40:43Using the canvas behind you, communicate to the taskmaster
40:46what your animal, vegetable or vehicle is.
40:49You may now turn around while working on your canvas.
40:52You may not tamper with your backpack.
40:54When you are ready for the taskmaster to guess,
40:57stand next to your canvas.
40:58If he guesses wrong, you may alter your canvas and try again.
41:02Fastest correctly guessed animal, vegetable or vehicle wins.
41:07Oh, dear.
41:10You each have a mirror.
41:11Are you ready?
41:12Yeah.
41:13Yeah, man.
41:24A carrot.
41:25Yes!
41:26Correct.
41:32Oh.
41:36Jeremy.
41:37A pig.
41:39And Matt?
41:41A turnip.
41:42Incorrect.
41:43Close.
41:44Jeremy.
41:45A diplodocus.
41:46That is not correct.
41:48Ben's a turtle.
41:49Correct.
41:52Koala.
41:53Correct.
41:54Matt.
42:00Just...
42:01A chicken?
42:02That is incorrect.
42:05Matt's done a Jackson Pollock.
42:08It's a cat.
42:09Incorrect.
42:10Don't give up, Abby.
42:13Oh, an aeroplane.
42:16Matt, is that... Do you want to guess?
42:18I'm just trying to actually ascertain the best way forward here.
42:21OK.
42:22Maybe if they each tell me either it's an animal or a vegetable or a vehicle.
42:28Abby?
42:29It's an animal.
42:30OK, that's not helping.
42:32Matt?
42:33It's a vegetable.
42:36What?!
42:38Abby, is yours an albatross?
42:40No.
42:41Matt, is yours a cauliflower?
42:43No.
42:44OK, they can do one pose.
42:48OK, you must be a radish.
42:50Incorrect.
42:51And Abby's?
42:52Horse.
42:53OK.
42:55Pony.
42:57Matt?
42:58A carrot.
42:59Yes!
43:00Correct.
43:01What the hell is this?!
43:02You should have just pointed it there.
43:04So, the artwork's carrot, carrot, koala, turtle, Shetland pony.
43:11Oh, no!
43:13OK, Ben.
43:14Oh, no!
43:16OK, Ben.
43:17Come on down and we'll judge it.
43:27Jesus!
43:29Welcome on.
43:30So, based on the order that Jeremy guessed the pictures,
43:34we get one point for Abby, two points for Tofinga,
43:36three points for Hayley, four points for Ben,
43:38and five points for the King of Carrots, Tom Sainsbury.
43:43Right, so what does that mean for our episode?
43:47It means that the winner of episode four with 17 points is Ben Hurley.
43:52There we go!
43:54Ben, congratulations on winning five things that make you go,
43:58hmm, I don't know about that,
44:00arguably one of the worst selection of prizes we've ever had on this show.
44:04Please go and collect them on stage.
44:08That's the end of episode four.
44:10And what have we learned?
44:12We've learned that if you meet a man with a creepy folder
44:15full of pictures of women,
44:17it's most likely to do with the solar system.
44:19We've learned that if you meet an old witch in the forest,
44:22either tell her she's ugly or don't,
44:25it will work out fine either way.
44:28But most importantly,
44:30we've learned that the winner of this episode is Ben Hurley!
44:37We can't wait to see you back here next week.
44:40Ka kite anÅ. Goodnight.
44:59It's time to party hard!
45:02Hello.
45:03I don't like organised fun.
45:04What do you call this?
45:05My job.
45:06What kind of old dog are you?
45:07Cool.
45:08You look psychotic.
45:10There's a little bit of six in the old dog.