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Taskmaster NZ S05E05

Taskmaster NZ S05E06 >>> https://dai.ly/x94d8ba

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00:00Hello.
00:01And...
00:02Two!
00:03Come on!
00:04Woo-hoo!
00:05That's for the haters.
00:06Come here.
00:07Come here.
00:08Jiggle-biddle-chee!
00:09Oh!
00:10Yeah!
00:11He-he-he-he!
00:12No my picky my, welcome to Taskmaster.
00:39My name's Daryl Garmas, and I'm a professional Jeremy Wells lookalike, and if you're watching
00:45this Jeremy, cheers for the box of beers and the 20 bucks.
00:49But as far as the rest of you are concerned, for tonight, you can call me the Taskmaster.
00:59On stage tonight are five unlucky New Zealanders who have all made the same tragic misstep
01:04of pursuing a career in comedy.
01:07They are Abbie Howells, Ben Hurley, Hayley Sproul, and Tom Sainsbury.
01:18Now, our brilliant fifth competitor, Te Whinga Whipu Li'a'i, as you may know, is unable to
01:23be with us in the studio this season, so filling in for him for the next two eps, it's season
01:29three champion, Josh Thompson.
01:31And as always, next to me is the cheese to my mince, the tomato sauce to my cheerio,
01:41it's Paul Williams.
01:49I'm in a bit of a pickle, Jeremy.
01:51What if my bike is like the bus from the movie Speed, and what if when I drop below 50 miles
01:56per hour, my bike blows up and I die?
01:59You've already dropped well below 50 miles per hour, Paul.
02:03Oh, oh, oh, uh-huh, oh.
02:06Great.
02:08Thank god, thank god.
02:09You can never be too safe.
02:11Tell us about the prize task.
02:13Tonight we've asked our contestants to bring in the best thing that one person on the panel
02:18will really want.
02:20Tom, what have you bought tonight?
02:23Now, this person here, I think they could double as an Elvis impersonator.
02:35But then I thought, you know, this is a little bit of a gamble, so I thought I'd throw in
02:38an extra pair of shades just because I know he'll love these.
02:42Oh, wow.
02:44Can you do an Elvis voice at all?
02:47Uh-huh.
02:48See, see, see, I knew, I knew, I knew.
02:51I can do Elvis as well.
02:52Oh, is it?
02:53Hello, I'm Elvis, baby.
02:56Absolutely brilliant.
02:58What Elvis do you think Ben would be?
03:00Do you think he'd be sort of 1965 Elvis?
03:03I think he could straddle all of Elvis' career.
03:06Thank you, well, well said, Tom.
03:08You know what Jeremy was going for there?
03:10He was going for bloated Elvis, wasn't he?
03:13Abby.
03:14Yes?
03:14What did you bring in?
03:15I also brought in something for Ben.
03:17I got you a signed vinyl from the Beastie Boys.
03:21What?
03:22Yeah, it's from all the Beastie Boys.
03:24They, they, all of them, all of them signed it,
03:29even the one that died.
03:32I remember there was another prize Abby had and it was a
03:34journal she'd made for you, Jeremy.
03:36Thank God that, just that handwriting.
03:38See, doesn't it?
03:40No, I think whoever wrote that tried to change the way they do
03:42the E's.
03:43Right, right.
03:45Apart from on Love where it came out again.
03:48Okay, Ben, what did you bring in?
03:50There's this cliche that everyone with autism loves trains
03:53and there's someone on this panel who has autism and I know
03:57that she loves trains.
03:58She loves trains.
04:00So, I got her a train ticket to Palmerston North.
04:04Oh, wow.
04:08Because she loves trains so much, she doesn't care what the
04:12destination is.
04:14They just always come on time.
04:17So, this ticket here is from Wellington.
04:20Oh, yeah.
04:20So, Abby has to get herself to Wellington.
04:23Well, look, I looked into Auckland to Palmerston North and
04:27it was really expensive.
04:30Okay, Hayley, what about you?
04:32I know that my dear friend, Ben Hurley.
04:35Oh, my God.
04:38Would be devastated to know that if you look online for some
04:42erotic fan fiction about him.
04:44Oh, good Lord.
04:44There is very little.
04:46Okay, good.
04:47So, as a platonic friend, I struggled through actually
04:51writing him one.
04:52It's called Standing Ovation.
05:02The tagline reads, first she came for the laughs, then she
05:06came for him.
05:07Now, here I was, standing outside a dressing room with the
05:10name Ben Hurley written on it and all I can hear is the sound
05:14of my own heartbeat throbbing in my ears and, I'll be honest,
05:17throbbing somewhere else as well.
05:20The doorway has plenty of room but I make sure to brush past
05:23him on my way in where I can't help but notice his wicket is
05:26standing strong.
05:29I giggle.
05:30Ben, I'm about to knock your bales off, boy.
05:32So, it's really, yeah, it's a lot.
05:35Why am I holding a microphone and there's one in the stand?
05:40AI has come so far but it still has so far to go.
05:44Okay.
05:45He's also got six fingers, right?
05:47Well, five fingers and one thumb.
05:48Oh, my God, aye.
05:50She'll be happy with those six fingers, I'll tell you what.
05:52Absolutely.
05:55Okay, Josh.
05:56I haven't brought in any pornography but I did bring in
06:00something very beautiful.
06:02A golden replica of your face, sir.
06:07That's actually the winning trophy from Taskmaster New
06:10Zealand Season 3 and you might want to know how I got that.
06:13I got that by winning.
06:14Right.
06:16I do know that someone on this panel really wants to win
06:19tonight and the entire thing.
06:21They've been going about like, ah-ha-ha, it's just a bit of a
06:23laugh, I don't really care who wins but I wouldn't be
06:26surprised if sometime during this week Hayley Sproul
06:29murdered someone on this panel.
06:32Tom, I think you've got one point for your glasses.
06:37I think two points for Abbey and the Beastie Boys album.
06:42Okay, can I level with you, Jeremy?
06:44That actually wasn't signed by the Beastie Boys.
06:48Well, now that you've said that, actually, I'm going to take
06:49a point off you.
06:50You're going to get one point.
06:51Two points now for Tom.
06:54The train ticket of Abbey should be three points.
06:56Sure, I'll take that.
06:57I think four points for the erotic fiction and five points
07:00for Te Finga by Josh Thompson.
07:03Ball to head.
07:04Well done, my boy.
07:06Let's dive into another task, shall we?
07:08Great idea, Jeremy, but brace yourselves.
07:11This task is moving.
07:20Hello.
07:21Hello, Abbey.
07:22Hello, Tom.
07:23Hello.
07:24Hello, Te Finga.
07:25Hey, Paul.
07:26How are you?
07:27Not good.
07:27Oh, mate, we've really got to work on that.
07:30Yeah.
07:31Wow.
07:33Hello.
07:34Hi.
07:34OK.
07:38Move Paul.
07:40Most moved Paul wins.
07:42You have 20 minutes.
07:44Your time starts now.
07:46Emotionally moved or physically moved?
07:48All the information you need is in the task.
07:53OK, who's Paul moving are we going to see first?
07:55I would move mountains for these men, but can they move me?
07:59It's Ben and Te Finga.
08:00Oh, I know.
08:02You could be a chess piece and then I'd have to move you a lot.
08:04It's like if you were a piece that you move a lot, like a knight.
08:07Yes.
08:08You can dance for 10 seconds.
08:10Go.
08:11Oh, now?
08:12Yeah.
08:15It's not a dance.
08:18A bit more upper body.
08:21I'm going to make a chess board now.
08:23I need lots of rope.
08:25Oh, there's some rope.
08:26Oh, that's helpful.
08:27That's helpful.
08:28Go down to the bathroom back on the bike.
08:32That's it.
08:33Awesome.
08:34Can you ride the bike again, but this time singing the national anthem?
08:44That's crazy, man.
08:45OK, I've spent three quarters of the time making a rudimentary chess board.
08:51Queen.
08:52Bishop.
08:53Do we need sit-ups?
08:54Sit-ups?
08:55Yep.
08:55No days off, bro.
08:57That's the one.
08:58One.
09:00Two.
09:00That's the one.
09:01OK, let's play.
09:03You've got two minutes.
09:05Yep.
09:05I'm going to move my knight.
09:07One, two, three, and cross one.
09:1015 push-ups.
09:12I don't know what that is.
09:13Lower your stomach.
09:14Yeah, that's the one.
09:16Now put your hands where they were just then, on your side.
09:21OK, now move back and forth.
09:24That's it.
09:2510 of those.
09:27One.
09:28You've got 20 seconds.
09:29One, two, and three.
09:32Oh, they could take you, but for some reason they're not.
09:35Nine.
09:39Ten.
09:40One, two, three.
09:42I think that's check.
09:44I think you've got to move out of the way.
09:54Josh, I don't think I've ever seen someone move so little
09:57while telling someone else to move so much.
09:59Well, you know, Tuffing is playing the task,
10:02and the task is to make a Paul move, not himself move.
10:04And by sitting still, he's putting more of a contrast in.
10:08So if anything, he's doing it better.
10:10I love the dance.
10:11Could you do a rendition of that dance for us now?
10:15Righty.
10:17Yeah.
10:19See, there's movement there.
10:20Get a hip in there.
10:21Really snap those hips.
10:23Yeah, there's a little bit of sex in the old dog yet, isn't there?
10:25Yeah.
10:27Who would have thought?
10:29Ben, you did a lot of running around.
10:32I mean, you hardly moved Paul at all.
10:34Oh, I did, but I spent 17 of the 20 minutes making a chess board.
10:38You probably could have spent that time just moving Paul.
10:41Yeah, in retrospect, you have a point.
10:44So in terms of chess moves, he moved me eight times.
10:48Oh, that's pathetic.
10:50Now, to all of you at home, please leave the moving to us.
10:54You stay right where you are.
10:56We'll be back with more Taskmaster after this.
10:58Ka kite ākua nei.
11:13Ka mai, hoki mai.
11:14Welcome back to Taskmaster.
11:16Where were we, Paul?
11:17Up next, attempting to move a man who has cried for the entire duration
11:21of every movie he's ever seen.
11:23It's Abby and Tom.
11:25Move Paul.
11:26I'm going to do you a play.
11:28Okay.
11:28It's going to be the most moving play you've ever experienced.
11:31Do you want to come with me?
11:32Where are we going?
11:33To the performance of a lifetime.
11:40I'm going to tell you a story all about a girl,
11:43a girl who grew up in the sewers
11:46because her mother died in childbirth
11:49and her father was poisoned by his enemies.
11:53Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Theatre de Tomas.
11:57One day at the castle,
11:58Tomlet was walking past the bathroom and he heard Muppet struggling.
12:02He peered in through the keyhole.
12:05Into the bathroom?
12:06Yeah.
12:07Hardly appropriate.
12:09One day, a shaft of light came down for the first time.
12:14Maybe today is the day.
12:16I'm going to go out and I'm going to dance in the sun.
12:20Only to see the queen, his stepmother, standing over the king.
12:24I shall be queen.
12:26She is queen.
12:27She is, but queen alone.
12:29Okay.
12:30Me and my kin will be the new royals.
12:33They are still the royals.
12:34She is, but she's got kids from a previous marriage.
12:37If I have to explain it to you, you're not going to be moved.
12:39Okay, sorry.
12:45Whoa, is this is what earth is like?
12:47Bang!
12:50Oh no, I've been shot.
12:55Compliance is a problem.
12:58I should never have trusted the world.
13:00So Tomlet packs his things together.
13:03He gets into his carriage.
13:05Oh no, the carriage runs into the orphanage.
13:08Just children everywhere.
13:12I guess you're probably wondering who I am.
13:14I'm the little girl.
13:16And I just wanted to tell you I dance in the sun every single day.
13:20And heaven.
13:28Okay.
13:29Wait, what was the dancing at the end?
13:31I was just moving you to joy.
13:36So Tom, was that dance there at the end, was that planned?
13:39Or was that just sort of shared desperation?
13:42It was a little bit of desperation, but I just thought, you know, moved could be positive.
13:45And you know, I know that my dance moves really lift people's spirits.
13:48And so I thought, why not give that a go as well?
13:51How do you think it went?
13:53I think I failed.
13:56Abbey, yours was deeply moving.
13:59It seemed mainly for you.
14:02No, I saw a distinct facial expression on Paul's face.
14:06Yeah, that one.
14:10There seems to be a theme as well.
14:12I don't know, Abbey, a lot of people seem to be dying and childbirth particularly.
14:16I feel like this is the third time that's happened.
14:19There's more coming up the pipeline.
14:23You've never been through childbirth, have you?
14:26I've never been through childbirth, no.
14:29Not that I have.
14:31I was born.
14:31Yeah, you were.
14:34You're a victim of childbirth rather than...
14:36Yeah, yeah.
14:37I was like, oh, I get to be by myself and it's warm and lovely.
14:41No one hassles me.
14:42And then I come out and it's like, nothing but hassle.
14:44Oh, your play doesn't make sense.
14:45Oh, you talk about death all the time.
14:49OK, I want to see one more futile attempt to move you, please, Paul.
14:54Up last, we've got a woman who's got a licence to drive.
14:58It's Hayley.
14:59You have 20 minutes.
15:00Your time starts now.
15:03Do you want to come to my house?
15:05What do you mean?
15:05Do you want to come to my house?
15:06What, are you going to drive me to your house?
15:08Let's go.
15:09Come on.
15:11Get in my car.
15:12Move, Paul.
15:13I'll move you.
15:14I might have to stop at a dairy.
15:16If you could get anything, what would you want?
15:18Maybe an ice cream.
15:19Have we got time wires?
15:21You've got six minutes and 55 seconds.
15:24Hi, babe.
15:24Hi, Andrew.
15:25Hi.
15:29I'm just my house, Paul.
15:31It's beautiful.
15:32Do you have a favourite room?
15:35It's a double shower.
15:37We're both in here.
15:39Look how much room.
15:40Yeah.
15:42Wow.
15:42We could, like, walk around.
15:46Great.
15:48Do you want to go back for the crew?
15:49Because I feel like now that I'm here, I might as well just stay.
15:52We can walk.
15:53Okay.
15:54See you, team.
16:00At first I thought, wow, that's such a beautiful big shower.
16:03But you need a shower that size when you're operating a thruple.
16:06Yeah.
16:07Aaron and Andrew, we're very happy together.
16:10Yeah.
16:11So how far did Hayley drive you?
16:13So it was 6.8 kilometres, but I also did four laps of her giant shower.
16:19Oh, yeah.
16:20So we're going to score this.
16:21I think trying to move Paul emotionally, that was a tough challenge.
16:26Probably, Tom, you get one point there.
16:29Abby, two for you.
16:30Jeremy, what happened to us?
16:34It's just one of those things.
16:35You've just got to do better.
16:36Three points for Ben, who moved more than Paul, which seems silly, but still three points.
16:47Four points for Tofinga and five points for Hayley, because 6.8 kilometres is quite a long way to move Paul.
16:53That's a long way.
16:56How's the episode score looking, Paul?
16:58In first equal, both on nine points, it's Hayley and Tofinga.
17:03All right, things are starting to get interesting, Paul.
17:06Let's rip right into another task.
17:09Sure thing.
17:09Let's give this one a spin.
17:19Live life to the fullest with this Frisbee.
17:22You have one hour.
17:24Your time starts now.
17:26What?
17:27Start living life to the fullest, please.
17:30Just what?
17:31Was that it?
17:38So what's happening there?
17:40I just thought Ben needed to live life to the fullest.
17:45I was so confused.
17:45I was like, I don't remember this task at all.
17:49This almost killed me.
17:52It was at the end of the day.
17:53It was like half past five at night.
17:56We didn't do this.
17:57Oh, no, you didn't.
17:57You didn't.
17:58We didn't do this.
18:00Oh, no shits, pal.
18:03I think there's too much joy to consume right now.
18:06So we've actually peppered it throughout the rest of the episode.
18:09Oh my God.
18:10I'm so dirty.
18:13I can't wait to see you live life to the fullest, Ben.
18:15It's going to be great.
18:16Let's crack on.
18:17Launching the next task in three, two, one, fire.
18:21Hello.
18:28Hello, Abby.
18:29Bonjour.
18:30Bonjour, Hayley.
18:31How are you?
18:33Good, thank you.
18:34It's going to be a tricky one, mate.
18:35What makes you think that?
18:38The egg.
18:39Protect the egg.
18:41The egg will be launched from Paul's catapult in exactly 18 minutes.
18:46Least damaged egg wins.
18:48Your time starts.
18:51Now.
18:52Is this the egg?
18:53Yeah.
18:54That's my little baby?
18:55Correct.
18:57It's definitely fresh.
19:00Can you show me your catapult?
19:01Yes.
19:03Oh my God.
19:13Okay, this task seems pretty straightforward.
19:15Let's see you catapult some eggs.
19:17Paul, who's first?
19:18It's Ben and Tom.
19:19Can we do a little test to see like with something else?
19:23Just stay back because it's quite full on.
19:25This is dangerous looking.
19:29Oh, I see how this works.
19:31You're very good at this.
19:33Test launch in three, two, one, launch.
19:38About there, okay.
19:40Strap stuff around it and then catch it.
19:44What are the ladders for?
19:45I need like a tarp or a sheet.
19:47Okay, I'm going to pack it in wigs.
19:50One wig.
19:53Brian May wig.
19:59Oh, shoot.
20:01Here we go.
20:02Okay, I've had a rethink.
20:03Here's the egg.
20:04Got a lot of leftover wigs.
20:07Good luck, egg.
20:08Preparing to launch.
20:09I'm in position.
20:11You're not going to hold the pole?
20:12No, I'm going to raw dog it.
20:14Three, two, one.
20:19Oh, it didn't even move.
20:28Well, it's a terrible catch.
20:32The moment of truth.
20:34Come on, baby.
20:34Come on, baby.
20:35Where are you?
20:42Zero damage to the egg.
20:43The egg is uncracked.
20:49That was a good catch.
20:55Thanks.
20:56Why did you need to wear a wig underneath your helmet?
20:58You look psychotic.
21:01I just had a few leftover wigs and just giving it a little bit of extra spice.
21:06Bit of that.
21:07Tom, you seem very impressed that Paul here could operate a catapult.
21:11I mean, it's not a skill that you need in everyday life, is it?
21:13I grew up in a really rough slash medieval neighbourhood.
21:17Oh, I'm so sorry.
21:19I didn't realise that.
21:20So there we go.
21:21That's where the skill comes from.
21:22So many sieges.
21:25There is more egg catapulting to come after this egg break.
21:28But first, a quick little check-in on Ben Hurley living his life to the fullest with a frisbee.
21:36I'm not very good at frisbee.
21:38Keep living life to the fullest, please.
21:39Okay.
21:41For an hour?
21:43Oh, I'm so enjoying this.
21:48Are you living life to the fullest?
21:54Yeah.
21:58I dropped it.
21:59I'll get it.
22:00Thanks.
22:07Welcome back to Taskmaster.
22:09Paul, please give us a recap of where we were.
22:11Our contestants are trying to protect an egg that's being launched from a giant catapult.
22:16All right, who's next with the eggs then, Paul?
22:18You think an egg's going to scare these guys?
22:20These guys eat eggs for breakfast.
22:23It's Hayley and her finger.
22:25The rope or string there then?
22:27I can go get rope if you want.
22:29Okay.
22:29I'm going to put the egg in here.
22:32Okay.
22:32If you touch it, I will murder you.
22:35Okay.
22:36I'm going to grab a few things.
22:38Easy.
22:40Thank you, Paul.
22:41Paul?
22:46Don't respond well to threats.
22:48You could have done that?
22:49Not at all.
22:50Not at all.
22:53Good luck.
22:55You ready to go?
22:56Ready to go, brother.
23:00That wasn't good.
23:01Have you fired anything else from your catapult?
23:04Just eggs.
23:05Have you tried kids?
23:09Let's go.
23:10What about small dogs?
23:12This baby ain't getting smashed.
23:14Okay, are you ready?
23:15Yep.
23:16Three, go egg.
23:17Two, one.
23:26Cool.
23:27Go!
23:31You would have lost the war by now.
23:34What a stink catapult, man.
23:37It only looked like 10 metres.
23:39Hayley's egg is unbroken.
23:41The egg is intact.
23:43The egg is intact.
23:44Enjoy your egg.
23:46Thank you, Hayley.
23:47Are you going to poach, fry, or scramble?
23:49I go raw.
23:50Like a real man.
24:00Oh, Paul.
24:02I've talked to you about eating raw eggs before.
24:04This is not the first time you've done that.
24:06I love eggs.
24:09Tell you what, Tofinga had an interesting idea, didn't he, Josh?
24:12Where he was saying, you know, why wouldn't you use this catapult to catapult babies?
24:16Some kids, small dogs.
24:17Yeah, yeah, branch out.
24:18I mean, again, I don't like a poor craftsman blames his tools.
24:21I don't want to have a go at Paul.
24:22But it might be unfair to penalise Tofinga for Paul's lack of back strength.
24:28Can I say a good craftsman congratulates his tools.
24:33Shout out to the catapult.
24:35Yeah, actually, I think you're a marvellous tool.
24:39Hayley, how do you feel knowing that Paul touched your egg?
24:44You said that you were going to murder him.
24:45Yeah, that's the plan.
24:47Obviously, I'll wait for the rest of the episodes.
24:50But after that, yeah, you're dead meat.
24:52All right, so that's four comedians down and four completely unscathed eggs.
24:58We could be on the track for the first ever five points to everybody here on the panel.
25:04Lastly, it's Abbey Howells.
25:06OK, I found some jeans and then I have some nice soft fabric.
25:12Soft, soft, soft.
25:15Do you want scissors?
25:16Yeah.
25:27Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
25:34Mm, we're ready.
25:38Come on, jeans.
25:40Three, two, one.
25:45Wow, sounded soft.
25:48Let's go with the geese.
25:52It was a decoy.
25:57Five seasons of Taskmaster, never been so humiliated.
26:02I think you'll find it's in pristine condition.
26:05What did the task say?
26:09Don't do this, please.
26:12Paul, no.
26:14This brings me no joy.
26:15Paul, you don't have to do this.
26:19Watch it, please.
26:29Our trust.
26:30Yeah.
26:31It was like the shell of this egg.
26:34Over here and over here.
26:36And broken.
26:37Broken.
26:38Completely shattered.
26:38Broken.
26:42Abbey.
26:44Oh, Abbey, Abbey, Abbey.
26:46Although I thought it was a bit psychotic of you to make her watch as you obliterated the egg.
26:52I was upset.
26:54When I was standing there, I was like on top of the world right now.
26:57I can't wait to see him, look at it.
26:59I've tricked him.
27:00And Jeremy's going to be like, yes, you bamboozled Paul.
27:02Good one, Abbey.
27:03Everyone stands up.
27:03Oh, she's bloody done it.
27:05Let me change chairs with you, Abbey.
27:06You should be the Taskmaster.
27:09And then we had to go and spoil it all and say something stupid.
27:12Like, let me catapult your egg.
27:14If you just put the egg in the thing that you'd made and then flipped it, you would have got...
27:21But where's the showbiz?
27:22Where's the prestige?
27:25So how do you want to score this?
27:27Okay, well...
27:29Jeremy.
27:29I know.
27:30Look, I'm sorry, but I can only give you one.
27:32I can't give you any more than that.
27:33I mean, you're lucky to get one, to be honest.
27:34I am lucky to get one.
27:35I should probably give you zero.
27:36Judas got 30 pieces of silver.
27:43How many for everyone else?
27:44Well, I think everyone else gets four other than Ben Hurley, who caught his.
27:50Yes!
27:51I thought that was a great show of skill, so I'll give him five for that.
27:54Okay.
27:56I'll take that.
27:57All right, Paul.
27:58Load another task up for us.
28:00New task, new me.
28:18Hello, Ben.
28:19Festive.
28:20Happy New Year, Paul.
28:21Happy New Year.
28:22Happy New Year.
28:24Happy birthday.
28:25Happy New Year.
28:26Money.
28:28Hi, mate.
28:28How was your year?
28:29Really hard.
28:30Oh, another one.
28:32What can we do?
28:33I need some money.
28:34I really can't help you there.
28:36Um, all right.
28:37Here we go.
28:38Ring in the New Year in style.
28:40Your New Year celebration must have a dance.
28:43A kiss, a drink, and a resolution.
28:47You have 45 seconds to ring in the New Year.
28:50Your five-minute countdown to the New Year starts now.
28:54Oh, God.
28:55I hate New Year's.
28:56It's like my nightmare, just being stuck in this.
29:03Ben, you don't like New Year's.
29:04I hate New Year's Eve.
29:06Why?
29:06It's like, oh, tonight we're staying up to midnight.
29:11You know what I hate?
29:14And everyone looks you in the eye.
29:16Oh, old Lang Syne.
29:17Old Lang Syne.
29:18And they're all like, look at me.
29:19And I'm like, I'd rather perish.
29:21What's this?
29:22You don't know about old Lang Syne.
29:23I don't know what this was.
29:25Oh.
29:25Yeah, I thought that was gangland style.
29:29No, this is actually Hayley in a thropple.
29:38Come on, then.
29:38Come on.
29:39OK, sorry.
29:41Well, like you, Ben, I love a New Year party.
29:44Show me some New Year ringing in-ing, please, Paul.
29:47You know them from Taskmaster New Zealand Season 5.
29:50Here's Abby, Ben, Hayley, Torfinga, and Tom.
29:53A drink.
29:54OK, what's this?
29:56We've got a drink here.
29:57Party popper.
29:58That's a party popper.
29:59I mean, you could drink that, but it would be small bits of paper.
30:02It's just water, so it's, I guess, not the most festive.
30:05I'll make it festive.
30:07All right.
30:10A mysterious green liquid.
30:11A mysterious green liquid.
30:13I sort of want you to be, like, a stripper on your table.
30:19Is there some phrase about kissing one of these guys?
30:21Kiss a croc, avoid the dock, is what my mum used to say.
30:25Yeah, still got it.
30:26Why do you know the dance from Cats?
30:28I used to do it every day in my bedroom when I was a little kid,
30:32and I thought one day the bullies will see me doing this,
30:34and they'll think I'm cool.
30:35There is a thimble.
30:36That's what a kiss is in Peter Pan.
30:3810 seconds.
30:399, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
30:48Happy New Year!
30:50Happy New Year!
30:52I'm going to do that flossing the kids do, because I'm really good at that.
30:57I don't know what that is.
30:58Here's your kiss.
30:59Happy New Year, Cassandra.
31:01A kiss?
31:02A kiss to everyone.
31:04Oh my god, the stripper's here!
31:06Ah!
31:07Take it off!
31:07Take it off!
31:14You've got 20 seconds.
31:15A New Year's resolution.
31:18Kiss, drink, resolution.
31:20I'm done.
31:24Oh my god, you're amazing!
31:27Where are you going, party boy?
31:28Just to get my whistle.
31:34Was that after the whistle?
31:35No.
31:38Uh-oh.
31:39What's this?
31:40Is that another one?
31:41Yeah.
31:42Oh gosh.
31:46Perfect.
31:48Happy New Year!
31:50Complete your New Year's resolution.
31:51Most complete resolution wins.
31:53You have 15 minutes.
31:55Your time starts now.
31:57What?
31:58I forgot about that.
32:01Tom, you made a beeline straight for that mysterious green liquid.
32:04I know, and I haven't been since.
32:08Abby, did you ever get a chance to prove those bullies wrong
32:11by showing off your skills in musical theatre?
32:14I think I just did, Jeremy.
32:16Yeah, where are those bullies now?
32:18They're doctors and lawyers.
32:21This show does rate very well with bullies.
32:23Yeah.
32:24It's literally based on bullying.
32:27Well, Hayley's was basically based on sexual harassment.
32:32Is it traditional to have a stripper at New Year?
32:37What, you've never hired a stripper for your New Year's party?
32:40It's like a bitch.
32:41It's such a square bed.
32:44My New Year's resolution?
32:46Watch more ads.
32:47More Taskmaster, after some ads,
32:50and four seconds of Ben Hurley having fun with a frisbee.
33:05Are you living life to the fullest?
33:06Yeah.
33:07Well, you sound disappointed.
33:09I don't know why you thought that.
33:14Paul Tumai, welcome back to Taskmaster,
33:17where we're about to learn which New Zealand comedians
33:19can come up with proper New Year's resolutions,
33:22and which comedians just do joke ones
33:25because they refuse to look inwards
33:28for fear of what they might find there.
33:31Is that about right, Paul?
33:32That's right.
33:32Our contestants were tasked with making a New Year's resolution
33:35and then completing it within 15 minutes.
33:38First up, Abby New Year.
33:40This year's Ben Good.
33:41It's Abby and Ben.
33:44So my resolutions were be kind to myself,
33:46party hard, party fresh, and no scrubs.
33:50What does no scrubs mean?
33:52It means no bad boys.
33:54What was your resolution?
33:55Never to do New Year's again.
33:56So have you got any New Year's plans this year?
33:59No.
34:00Good answer.
34:00Nice try.
34:02OK, this is me being kind to myself.
34:04I like your haircut.
34:04You tried something new with the fringe,
34:06it didn't work,
34:07and you grew it out,
34:08and that's fine.
34:09We're going to do anti-New Year.
34:11Yeah, I've sucked it back.
34:12All right, Paul, it's time to party hard.
34:19And the opposite of dancing.
34:21Standing against the wall, like that song.
34:23I'm just going to lean against Jeremy here.
34:27Now it's time to party fresh in the fresh air.
34:30Do you want to go to a music festival?
34:31No thanks.
34:32Anti-New Year.
34:34Anti-New Year.
34:41Welcome to the 1st of January,
34:43just like any other day.
34:46You're going to walk backwards.
34:47I don't have to do everything, I'll just let go.
34:49Thank you, Ben.
34:50Thanks, Paul.
34:51Happy New Year.
34:52Oh, no.
34:57Hey, baby.
34:58Hey, are you respectful?
35:00No.
35:01Then get out of here, scrub.
35:05I think it was nice that you forgave yourself
35:07for that brief foray that you had, obviously, into fringes.
35:10It's always a mistake, okay?
35:12It's always a mistake, don't do it.
35:14Yeah, but, you know, it's good to party hard
35:16and party fresh as well.
35:17Yeah, well, you actually had quite a few resolutions.
35:20I did.
35:21Everyone was like, whoa, how's she going to do this?
35:23Don't worry, baby's got it covered.
35:24Yeah.
35:25Whereas, Ben, how are you going to do nothing, really?
35:28I'm just going to do nothing.
35:30I'm just going to do nothing.
35:31I'm just going to do nothing.
35:32I'm just going to do nothing, really.
35:34I'm just not going to do New Year.
35:35I don't like organised fun.
35:38What do you call this?
35:41My job.
35:44That's fair.
35:45All right, let's see some more New Year's resolution resolving.
35:48These guys are dynamite.
35:50It's TNT, Tom and Tefinga.
35:53And what's your resolution?
35:54Continue to spread the love.
35:56My New Year's resolution is to end my relationship
35:59with Cassandra the croc.
36:00What else can I share love with you, Paul?
36:03You want me to read you a story?
36:05Cassandra, I think you know what I'm going to say.
36:08I know you've probably been feeling it, too.
36:10I can't see whatever this is going much further.
36:15It's not you, it's me.
36:16And I wish you all the best for you, Cassandra.
36:21That was much harder than I thought it was going to be, Paul.
36:24Once upon a time, there was this man.
36:29He had a dog and it was a German shepherd.
36:33He took it for a walk down to the park.
36:37The man said, hey, no dogs allowed.
36:41Why don't you read the sign?
36:45The man said, I can read it.
36:49But my dog can't.
36:51So after that, they had hot dogs.
36:54The dog was old and just died.
36:57And then they just cut it up.
36:58It's quite a sad ending.
37:00He was sharing the love.
37:01He shared it with the man that said, no dogs allowed.
37:03Oh.
37:05Because of course, the liver's expensive.
37:07You have a pet, best friend, and then it becomes a meal.
37:11Share a meal with your new friend.
37:17Tom, that was quite an intense breakup with Cassandra,
37:19considering you'd only been together for five minutes.
37:21I know.
37:22And it wasn't a clean break either.
37:25So Josh, Tofinga's idea of spreading the love
37:29was to write a song about taking a German shepherd down to a park.
37:33You then cut the German shepherd up into bits
37:36and then eat it with the person who was complaining about you
37:38having the dog down at the park in the first place.
37:40It's kind of the ultimate burn.
37:43I can't bring my dog?
37:44Well, what if I eat it then?
37:48Yeah.
37:49Beautiful.
37:50Now, Paul, we must have one New Year's resolution to go.
37:53She loves marching, but does she love Decembering and Januarying?
37:58It's Hayley.
38:00Make Paul rich.
38:03We need something we can do in 15 minutes to make you rich.
38:05Why don't we blackmail someone?
38:06Who?
38:07Ursula Carlson.
38:08She's got a bit of money.
38:08I've got quite damning photos of her.
38:10What are they?
38:11Photos of her kissing women.
38:12How have you got so many photos of her?
38:14Don't ask.
38:15Ursula Carlson, I have pictures of your feet
38:18and I have pictures of you kissing women that nobody knows about.
38:23How much did you want?
38:24Twenty dollars.
38:25I will release these to the media unless you transfer to me twenty dollars.
38:30You've got...
38:30Ten minutes and 16 seconds.
38:32Ten minutes and 16 seconds.
38:34Oh, okay.
38:35She's replied.
38:37Well, well, well.
38:38Looks like someone needs some vagina pictures too.
38:41We've only got the feet.
38:43I got so much more incoming.
38:46Seems like she kind of wants to be blackmailed.
38:47Yeah, I know.
38:49Okay, she sent me a photo that looks quite rude
38:53but I can tell that it's actually just her mouth on the side.
38:57Otherwise I'm going to be in quite a lot of trouble.
38:59Yeah, she's not really grasping the blackmail.
39:01Yeah.
39:02You have six minutes, Ursula.
39:04Transfer me twenty dollars or I'll burn your house down.
39:11Okay, she's seen a voice.
39:13Okay, okay, fine.
39:14I'm doing it.
39:15Yes, okay.
39:16And now we wait.
39:19This is nerve-wracking.
39:20You've got one minute.
39:21I've got to dot, dot, dot.
39:23Twenty-five seconds.
39:26Hayley Spratt, twenty dollars.
39:29She's paid the money.
39:30You were rich.
39:31Got ya, I said.
39:39Why do you have these photos of Ursula kissing me?
39:42I would rather not say.
39:45We're very close.
39:47I have throughout the years quite a number of pictures of Ursula.
39:52How many throuples are you running?
39:55I've got so many on the go, it's just everywhere.
39:58Okay, I'm thinking Ben Hurley gets one point
40:01because we're not going to know whether or not
40:04your New Year's resolutions come true until this New Year.
40:07That's true.
40:08One point for you.
40:09I think two points for Tofinga.
40:11Eating the dog was just a bit intense for a 7.30 TV2 audience.
40:15Yet not doing New Year's is worse than murdering a dog.
40:20Three points for you and Cassandra
40:22because I know that you're going to go back
40:23for sloppy seconds at some stage.
40:26I think four points for Hayley because that was successful.
40:30And I think five for Abby
40:31because you completed four New Year's resolutions
40:34which is impressive.
40:35Thank you, Jeremy.
40:36We're back, baby.
40:39After the break, we'll do a live task
40:41and find out the winner for this episode.
40:43Don't miss it
40:44or someone will spoil it for you at work tomorrow.
40:47We'll be back in just a moment.
40:50Keep living life to the fullest, please.
40:52Yeah, okay.
40:54Is that fun?
40:54Yeah, that's kind of.
40:56I'm getting a real rhythm.
41:04Oh, yes!
41:07Come on, come on.
41:10Welcome back to Taskmaster.
41:12Just about to find out who gets to go home
41:14with a porn and train-based prize pack.
41:16But first, may I have a score update, please, Paul?
41:20I have to ask first,
41:22is Ben getting any points for living life to the fullest
41:24with a Frisbee for an hour?
41:26I don't know whether Ben deserves a point for that.
41:29Oh, my God.
41:29Not a single point.
41:31You were having a good time on the bike.
41:33The task was to live life to the fullest.
41:36We're helping you.
41:37I've never seen him angrier.
41:39Can I say, when you're real angry, Ben,
41:42something happens to your skin that just really glows.
41:46Hey, I don't know what moisturiser you're using,
41:48but you look great.
41:49It's called seething.
41:52Mate, look, okay, I'll give you a point.
41:56Some ways it's worse.
41:59I'll take a point.
42:00Okay.
42:03So, the scores for episode five.
42:06Out in front with 17 points,
42:08Hayley Sproul.
42:13Okay, everyone, you all know what to do.
42:15Head on up to the stage for the final task.
42:23Someone tell me what's going on up there, please.
42:25Abby, will you please read the task?
42:27It would be my honour.
42:29Pinch, protect or plunder.
42:32If you choose to pinch,
42:34you may pinch one point from the person you choose.
42:37If you choose to plunder,
42:39you may plunder all the points of the person you choose.
42:42If you choose to protect, you cannot be plundered,
42:46but you cannot protect from a pinch.
42:49Most points wins.
42:51Let's get it, cowboy.
42:54Round one, Abby.
42:56I will plunder Tom Sainsbury.
43:01Tom, are you protected?
43:03I'm not.
43:04I'm gonna Josh plunder.
43:05Tom has been plundered.
43:07Give us his balls.
43:08Three balls to Abby.
43:11Josh, are you protected?
43:13I am pinching Abby.
43:16Three balls to Tom.
43:19Josh, you are pinching from Abby.
43:22One ball.
43:24Gripping stuff.
43:27Ben Hurley.
43:28Yes, I'm gonna plunder Tom too.
43:32Hayley, are you protected?
43:35Protect.
43:38USA.
43:41Round two, we're gonna start with Ben Hurley.
43:43I am going to protect.
43:46Okay, Hayley Sproul.
43:48I would like to plunder Josh.
43:51Josh, reveal your board.
43:52I am pinching from Abby.
43:55You have been plundered.
43:56Goddammit.
44:02Tom, reveal your board.
44:03I'm gonna plunder Hayley.
44:05It's a good haul.
44:07Abby.
44:08Plunder beans.
44:13That is the end of round two.
44:18The final round with Hayley.
44:20I am a feminist.
44:22However, I'm plundering Abby.
44:24Plunder Josh.
44:26You're not protected.
44:27You have been plundered by Hayley.
44:29Josh, reveal yours.
44:31I'm gonna pinch Abby.
44:33As you were not protected, yours has been plundered by Abby.
44:38I was just gonna pinch a bean.
44:40You've got that right, Hayley.
44:43It's been pinched back.
44:46Ben Hurley.
44:47I'm going to pinch Josh.
44:49This ball getting a lot of mileage this round.
44:53Tom, reveal your board.
44:55I was gonna pinch from Abby too, but alas, there's nothing there, right?
45:01Nothing.
45:03Oh.
45:05All right, everyone, come on down and we'll score.
45:12So Abby and Josh got zero balls.
45:15Hayley and Tom had four.
45:16And Ben won the live task with seven balls.
45:19Really great, Scott.
45:21So how would you like to score that?
45:23I think it probably makes sense that last place one point.
45:26For Abby and Josh.
45:27Yes.
45:28And then three points for second place.
45:31Hayley and Tom equal points.
45:33And then first place, Ben Hurley, five points.
45:40All right, so before we announce the winner, Paul,
45:42what's happening with the overall series scores?
45:45With a three-point lead, with 83 points, Hayley Sproul.
45:51And Paul, who has won episode five?
45:55She's our series leader and she's won her first episode.
45:59It's Hayley Sproul.
46:00Congratulations, Hayley.
46:02You're now the proud owner of some things you may or may not want.
46:07Please head up to the stage and enjoy your bounty.
46:11Ka kite anō, kō manahau.
46:14Aotearoa.
46:31This is going to be quite obscure television.
46:33Delicious.
46:34Come on.
46:38How's the work happened?
46:41Lord have mercy.
46:44There's so much to unpack there.