Frasier Season 9 Episode 17 Three Blind Dates
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00:00Hey, Daphne. Hey, Niles. Come on in. Is Fraser here? I need him to approve the latest version of his bio.
00:08Why does he keep updating his bio? What's changed in the last few years?
00:14Oh, his date of birth.
00:18He's now four years younger than I am.
00:23Well, that's silly. Does everyone fake their age in radio?
00:26No.
00:29Oh, uh, Roz, please sit down. I'm glad you're here. There's something we want to ask you.
00:38When Niles and I get married, it would make us very happy if you would serve as Maid of Honor.
00:44Really?
00:47I'm so touched. I don't know what to say.
00:50Oh, no, of course.
00:52Of course I'll do it.
00:54And now, uh, set aside September 1st.
00:56Oh, is that Labor Day weekend?
01:01Yeah, is that a problem?
01:03Well, there's this picnic I always go to, and I make the potato salad.
01:09What am I saying? Your wedding is more important than potato salad, or any salad.
01:16Then it's settled.
01:18I'll make the potato salad the night before, and I'll just get some...
01:22I'll figure it out.
01:27Hello.
01:29Hey.
01:31Look who's here. It's my little brother, Frasier.
01:33I brought your new bio.
01:35Oh, yes. Well, I'll have to deal with that tomorrow, Roz. I've got to be cross-town in half an hour.
01:37I'm previewing the new Benjamin Locklear exhibit, and then I'm having dinner with the artists afterward.
01:39Promises to be a very exciting evening.
01:41And what lucky lady are you sharing it with?
01:43Well, I'm going alone.
01:45Oh, I'm sorry.
01:47Oh, don't be. Truth is, I'm a pretty terrific date.
01:49Oh, I'm sorry.
01:51Oh, don't be. Truth is, I'm a pretty terrific date.
01:53Oh, I'm sorry.
01:55Yes, I know when to arrive.
01:57I know when to call it a night.
01:59And frankly, I always leave myself wanting more.
02:01And frankly, I always leave myself wanting more.
02:08Oh, it's too bad Dr. Crane doesn't have anyone to share these things with.
02:12I know.
02:14When was the last time he seriously dated anyone?
02:16Well, that would be Claire, but that was months ago.
02:18Well, that would be Claire, but that was months ago.
02:22We should set him up with someone.
02:24it seems to me he's choosing not to date. I have this friend at yoga he might like.
02:29No, she sounds flaky. I have the perfect person for him. Well, you know, he's always
02:36been completely capable of meeting people on his own. No, we should go with
02:40my person first. You don't have the best track record. Me? Whenever you've set me
02:46up with guys, I knew they were losers the second I saw them. Turned out to be bad
02:52in bed, too. Well, there's no reason we both can't try to set him up with
02:58someone. Okay, but we have to find someone who's gorgeous, sexy, and smart. Smart's
03:06good, but I'm not a fanatic about it. It's not for you, it's for Dr. Crane. Yes, even
03:14though he's expressed no dissatisfaction with his love life whatsoever, these two
03:18have decided to make it their mission to find him a mate. It's not a bad idea.
03:22It's been a long time since Frasier was excited about somebody. I kind of miss
03:29that spring in his step, you know? The nervous energy he gets where every first
03:35date might be the one. The electricity of that 30-point self-inspection before he
03:43rolls out of the showroom. He says he's happy. Isn't that what you would have
03:50said, too, before your brother helped bring us together? That's my point exactly.
03:55Let's start calling babes!
04:03What about Caroline? She got along great with your brother. She the one missing a
04:09tooth? She had it replaced. Our dental school did a good job, too. You can only
04:15tell it's fake under a black light.
04:23What about Jennifer? She's pretty smart. She has those perky breasts.
04:30Wouldn't call them perky so much as... I don't remember Jennifer.
04:39Well, besides, didn't Frasier already go out with her? Oh, you're right.
04:46Well, that's everyone I know. Oh, it's too bad. I was hoping we could help.
04:55There is this one woman I know, Lisa. She'd be great. They share a lot of interest. She
05:03even owns a bookstore. You've been holding out on me. Well, she's a former
05:09patient, so that's kind of an ethical gray area. I'm not sure I'm comfortable
05:14setting her up with Frasier. Well, what if she didn't know you were setting her up?
05:18You could point her out to me, and I could strike up a friendship. We could go
05:24out for coffee, see movies, tell each other everything. Yeah, maybe I was a
05:29little hasty in making Rosmarie a maid of honor.
05:36As soon as she finds out you're my fiancé, well, there's my ethical dilemma again.
05:43Well, what if they just happen to meet by themselves? Like at her bookstore?
05:50Exactly. Frasier is always going to bookstores. She does own a bookstore.
06:00Over time, it's highly probable he would find himself in her bookstore. Perhaps I
06:08could just place them within range of one another. I'd just stay out of sight.
06:15That'll do. So what does she look like anyway? Oh my god, she's gorgeous. She has
06:21these... I'd have to check my notes.
06:41Well, it's a lovely little bookstore in Isles, but I hardly see how it's worth
06:48driving all the way across town. It doesn't seem to have much of a selection.
06:52Well, they may not cater to all tastes, but I'm confident you'll find something
06:57to pique your interest.
07:04Um, Frasier, um, Daphne had asked me to provide her with a reading list, you know,
07:14to broaden her mind. Oh, that's admirable. Yeah, and I was thinking of
07:18starting with Shakespeare, and you have such a grasp of his work. I was wondering
07:23if you could help me make a selection. Well, of course, although I'm a bit
07:27surprised. I mean, you always considered yourself the more well-versed. Well-versed,
07:31yes, but you're the expert. Well, it's since third grade to hear you say that.
07:45Um, you know, maybe she'd appreciate Shakespeare more if she knew something
07:55about him, perhaps a biography. That's good thinking.
08:03Although philosophy is the basis of all thought, any mind-broadening exercise
08:08should begin with philosophy. Very well. Or sports.
08:16No philosophy. You're certain? Unquestionably.
08:38Here we are, Plato's Republic. Can't say I agree with everything in there, but it's a place to start.
08:52Oh, there's a little tear in the cover. Would you get me another copy?
08:55Good heavens, Darth, what am I, your lackey? No, no, no, I'm just engrossed in this
09:00Heroes of Nazcar. Fine. Here you go, pristine condition. Thank you.
09:18You know, while we're here, I'd like to try to find a book on the early British monarchy.
09:24I've recently read The Isles, a history, and they didn't go into as much detail as I might have liked about
09:29the Plantagenets. Well, you know, why don't you ask someone here? I found the staff here very knowledgeable.
09:37Well, yes, all right, all right, I'll be right there. Ah, excuse me.
09:44Do you happen to have a book on the Plantagenets? That's like a banana, right?
09:53Never mind. Any luck? Finding dunderheads, yes.
09:57Oh, well, maybe you should ask someone else. All right.
10:01Can I help the next person? Or maybe what we should do is just pay for our books and go.
10:05Well, Naz, we just got here. You're acting very strangely.
10:08Am I not? What the hell is wrong with you? I'm sorry, dizzy spell.
10:15There's a footstool in the Shakespeare section. Why don't you just go have a seat for a minute?
10:19I'll be fine. You just pay for the books? Right, yes, of course.
10:21Clark, can you take over? Sure.
10:28Hello again. Yes, hello. So, did you find what you're looking for?
10:32Not really, no. Okay.
10:36Oh, I have book lovers discount. Ah, we don't accept that.
10:40Independent booksellers? No.
10:44Bibliophiles? Dewey Decimal Discount? Dust Jacket Gang?
10:51I'm sorry, we do have our own card. It's $25. $25 for a little car?
10:57You get 15% off all purchases. Very well. How much will I save today?
11:05The discount starts with your next purchase. What?
11:09What kind of a Ponzi scheme are you operating here? Store policy.
11:13I would like to speak with the store owner, please.
11:16What's going on? I'm going to give the owner a piece of my mind.
11:19Oh, that's all right. Forget it. I don't want the book.
11:21Yes, you do. You're getting the book. No, I don't.
11:23You're getting the book and a discount. Lisa, we have a card challenge at checkout.
11:28No, no, no. Challenge withdrawn. Over my protest?
11:32No, no, look, we're leaving. Everything's okay. All right, all right.
11:35You know, by the way, you have an alphabetical misfire, but I'm not telling you where.
11:44I just know the two of you are going to hit it off.
11:49I thought you were always complaining you're such a tight ass.
11:52I'm not complaining. I'm bragging, you know?
11:57But I work with someone who's got such a tight ass.
12:01Frazier! Susanna! Susanna, this is Frazier.
12:06Come on in. Roz has told me all about you.
12:09She's told me all about you, too.
12:11I thought since you were making dinner, I'd add a little contribution of my own.
12:15It's nothing special, just a key lime pie.
12:18Nothing special. She made the whole thing herself from scratch.
12:23The crust, the meringue. She even baked it in a pie plate she fired in her own home kiln.
12:32In my spare time, I use my power of invisibility to fight crime.
12:38Am I overselling this a little?
12:40Just a bit, yes, Roz. I'll just go put this in the kitchen.
12:45Why don't you ladies make yourselves comfortable?
12:54Would anyone care for some wine?
12:57Sure. Frazier knows pretty much everything there is to know about wine.
13:02Tell us some things about wine, Frazier.
13:08Sometimes you have to know when to put a cork in it.
13:14So, Roz, where's Roger?
13:16I don't know. I'll call him and see what's holding him up.
13:20You know, Susanna, now would be a good time to show Frazier your portfolio.
13:26Susanna's an artist. She even has a gallery that shows her paintings exclusively.
13:33It's not so much a gallery as a restaurant slash bowling alley.
13:38She's a hell of a bowler, too.
13:42Someone better snatch her up before she joins a league and there go her Saturday nights.
13:52Roz, go make your call, all right?
13:56Here we are.
13:59I don't usually travel with my portfolio, but she made me bring it.
14:04I'm glad she did. I actually fancy myself a bit of a collector. I'd love to see it.
14:08Oh, all right. But be gentle.
14:11Of course.
14:17Oh, my.
14:20Well, that is interesting. It's quite remarkable, really.
14:23Thanks. The original's hanging over the shoe rental.
14:29Wonderful texture.
14:32And these blues.
14:35So much sadness.
14:38Most people don't get that.
14:42And your elongated figures are actually reminiscent of Modigliani.
14:46That's interesting. I used to love Modigliani as a girl.
14:50Maybe I was subconsciously influenced by him.
14:52Quite possibly, yes.
14:55See, you're also a fan of Benjamin Locklear.
14:58What?
14:59Benjamin Locklear as a showman.
15:01I know who he is. His stuff isn't anything like mine.
15:04Maybe you haven't seen his latest work.
15:07You see, I was just in attendance at his most recent opening.
15:11I purchased a fantastic piece myself. Here, let me show you.
15:18Oh, my God.
15:19It's magnificent, isn't it?
15:21You know, I'm thinking of putting it in my bedroom to set off the duvet.
15:25That hack ripped me off.
15:27That's quite an accusation.
15:29The guy is a thief. Everyone in the art community knows it.
15:32I consider myself a member of the art community. All I've heard is good things.
15:36Oh, please. The guy steals from lesser-known artists
15:39and markets himself to suckers with more money than taste.
15:44You know what?
15:46You're right.
15:48Maybe he did copy you.
15:51Maybe he got his inspiration one evening when he was out
15:55bowling a few frames.
15:58I do not need to be insulted by someone who buys art
16:03because it matches his bedspread.
16:06It's a duvet, and it's a bedspread.
16:09I buy his art because it matches his bedspread.
16:12It's a duvet, and you're delusional.
16:14Dilettante.
16:15Forger.
16:16Man who uses the word duvet.
16:24Hey, guys. How's it going?
16:27She is crazy. That's how it's going.
16:29And for your information, Benjamin Locklear is as overrated as your ass.
16:40What the hell was that supposed to mean?
16:42I have no idea. Have a nice weekend.
16:46What's going on out here?
16:48I don't know.
16:50Ros set me up on a blind date with one of her friends.
16:54Big waste of time, huh?
16:56Well, there's pie.
16:59Homemade?
17:01Yep.
17:02Cherry?
17:03Key lime.
17:05I can live with that.
17:09Sorry, son. Tough break.
17:11Oh, I bet it's got a lard crust.
17:19Brought you a fork, Dad.
17:20Oh, thanks.
17:22Wish I'd never let Ros set me up on that date.
17:25Well, you know you can't hit the ball unless you take a swing.
17:29Oh, now, there's this gal at the building where I work.
17:33Dad, you're not proposing another blind date?
17:35Now, she's a beautiful young lawyer, and she couldn't be nicer.
17:39I am not interested.
17:40Well, now, don't say that. You gotta see her.
17:43Dad.
17:44Frazier, listen to me.
17:48You gotta see her.
17:53Young lawyer, you say?
18:02Thanks for meeting me here.
18:04Sure.
18:05I thought it would be nice to have a drink before dinner.
18:09You know, I don't think I've ever really been here before,
18:11but it does have a nice sort of neighborhood feel to it.
18:15It is my favorite place.
18:18So my dad tells me that you're a lawyer.
18:21Actually, I'm a legal secretary.
18:24But I'm planning to go to law school next fall.
18:27Oh, well, that's admirable.
18:30Of course, you know, paradoxically, you'll have to pass the bar
18:36if you expect to pass the bar.
18:40You're so funny.
18:44Hey, Chris.
18:46Hey, Clint.
18:47Nice to see you.
18:48Hey, that's a great sweater.
18:50Oh, thank you.
18:56So, um, what did my dad tell you about me?
18:59Oh, he talks about you all the time.
19:02Really?
19:03He's very proud of you.
19:05Oh, Mom.
19:06But what he didn't tell me is how good looking you are.
19:12Well, thank you.
19:14Compliments of the gentleman in the Hawaiian shirt.
19:19Thanks, Graham.
19:25So you, uh, you know him?
19:27Oh, you know.
19:31Hey, you.
19:33Hey.
19:34Wouldn't mind stopping and spilling those roses.
19:36Oh, you are so funny.
19:40Jason, this is Frasier.
19:42Frasier, Jason.
19:43Nice to meet you.
19:44So you owe me a pool game.
19:47Another time.
19:48Oh, sounds like somebody's scared.
19:51Yeah, you.
19:53Scared of getting your ass kicked.
19:56But it'll have to be another time.
19:58I'm on a date.
20:00Frasier doesn't mind.
20:01You don't mind, do you?
20:02Well, uh, actually.
20:04I'll be right back.
20:09Mind if I break?
20:10Sure, go ahead.
20:16Looks like you're stripes.
20:18You are definitely solid.
20:21Shut up.
20:22I got next game.
20:23I'm after Graham.
20:27So.
20:29How do you know Chris?
20:33You know.
20:36No, I really don't.
20:39I got her next.
20:40Oh, Chris.
20:41I got my car checked out.
20:43You were right.
20:44Was the transmission.
20:46Then you owe me a pitcher.
20:48Uh-huh.
20:53So you know Chris a long time?
20:55Who are you?
20:56I'm her date.
20:59Nice job.
21:01It's hot tonight.
21:02Is that who are you?
21:07Excuse me.
21:18Hello.
21:20Oh, dad.
21:23Yeah.
21:25Oh, yeah.
21:26She's very pretty.
21:28And, uh.
21:29And nice.
21:33A little too nice, perhaps.
21:43Frasier.
21:44The table only takes quarters.
21:47Would you get some change?
21:49You know, Chris.
21:50Maybe we should cancel our plans for tonight.
21:53What?
21:54Why?
21:55Well, you're having such a good time with your crowd here.
21:59No.
22:00I just have to teach this one guy a lesson.
22:03Then I'm all yours.
22:04I promise.
22:06Well, I guess I could ask the bartender for some change.
22:09Oh, Smitty's too busy.
22:11But try next door at the dry cleaners.
22:14Tell them it's for me.
22:16Thanks for the tip.
22:18You are so sweet.
22:21Isn't Frasier sweet, guys?
22:23Yeah.
22:29I felt sure that Frasier was going to head it off with Chris.
22:33She's really popular in the office.
22:38Poor Dr. Crane.
22:39I feel like we failed him.
22:41Well, I'm not ready to throw in the towel.
22:44There's this woman at the dog park.
22:46If you're going to try again, we should try again, too.
22:50Maybe Frasier had the right attitude by leaving it up to fate.
22:54There's nothing wrong with lending a helping hand.
22:57Maybe we were destined to fix him up with someone.
23:00No.
23:01I'm afraid whatever we wanted for Frasier,
23:05fate had other plans.
23:09Hi.
23:11Can you give me change for a dollar?
23:13No change.
23:15It's for Chris.
23:16Oh, yeah, sure.
23:20There you go.
23:22Hi, Lisa.
23:23Oh, Andy.
23:26Can you get out spray paint?
23:28Well, how'd this happen?
23:30I was at the new Benjamin Locklear exhibit,
23:33and this crazy woman came in and started ranting
23:36about how he'd ripped off her work,
23:38and then she started spray painting everything.
23:44Actually, I don't know if I should clean it or hold on to it
23:46Actually, I don't know if I should clean it or hold on to it
23:48till after she dies.
23:52You know, because art increases in value after the artist...
23:57Think you can get this out?
24:00Excuse me.
24:01You only gave me three quarters and a nickel.
24:04Huh.
24:05I guess I don't have any more quarters left.
24:07You want your dollar back?
24:09Oh, I might have change.
24:11Let me look.
24:12Oh, that's very kind of you.
24:15Candy.
24:16Oh, oh, oh.
24:18Here you go.
24:19Thanks.
24:23Say, don't you have a coat?
24:26It's kind of cold outside.
24:28I just got spray paint on mine.
24:30I wanted to get it cleaned as soon as possible.
24:33Did you put seltzer on it?
24:34Of course.
24:35You know, a lot of people mistakenly use lemon juice.
24:40Which never works.
24:41No, no.
24:43And it attracts bees.
24:45I did not know that.
24:48Well, I'm not exactly certain that it attracts bees,
24:50but, I mean, it does make sense, doesn't it?
24:55Not really, but you say it with such authority, I bought it.
25:02Say, do you play pool?
25:05No.
25:07Neither do I.
25:09Hi.
25:10My name is Fraser.
25:11Hi.
25:18Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling
25:21Tossed salads and scrambled eggs
25:25Mercy
25:27And maybe I seem a bit confused
25:30Well, maybe
25:31But I got you pegged
25:36But I don't know what to do
25:38With those tossed salads and scrambled eggs
25:43They're calling again
25:46Good night, everybody!