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Video Information:
ShabdYog session, 12.06.16, Zandavoort, Netherlands
Context:
Understanding human relationships.
What is conflict?
How to avoid conflict in life?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Be a part of the Live Sessions: https://acharyaprashant.org/hi/enquir...
Want to read Acharya Prashant's Books?
Get Free Delivery: https://acharyaprashant.org/en/books?...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Video Information:
ShabdYog session, 12.06.16, Zandavoort, Netherlands
Context:
Understanding human relationships.
What is conflict?
How to avoid conflict in life?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Category
📚
LearningTranscript
00:00Well, I want to know, why is the world at the moment so hard, harsh, harsh, harsh, harsh?
00:16Yeah, yeah, perfect.
00:17So harsh.
00:18Yes.
00:19You see, there is nothing that one group, one community, or one person experiences that
00:38the other has never experienced, or is not experiencing, even to the slightest degree.
00:51Fundamentally, we are all one.
00:58As human beings, we all perceive the world through our senses.
01:05We all operate through language.
01:08We all think, and our basic tendencies are all the same.
01:15The same urge to have security, the same urge to find love, the same repulsion from a feeling
01:31of termination, of disappearance, the same attachments, the same kinds of identifications.
01:46We are all very much one, and the oneness becomes more and more apparent as we go deeper
01:55into our psyche, the mind.
01:58As we go deeper into the mind, the similarities become very apparent.
02:03You see, you take one mother here in the Netherlands, and you take another mother somewhere in Africa.
02:12If you just superficially look at them, you will only see differences.
02:17You will see differences in name, you will see differences in physique, you will see
02:22differences in diet, you will see a lot of differences.
02:29Then you look at their relationship with their kids.
02:32Again, superficially you will only see differences.
02:37The rituals will be different, the way they bring up their kids might appear initially
02:42different.
02:45But the deeper you probe into the relationship, you will find that more and more similarities
02:49are emerging.
02:50If it's the mother and the kid, then the mother wishes the kid well, the mother has a certain
02:57attachment for the kid, the mother also feels insecure about the kid.
03:05And the more you keep the names and the forms behind, you will come to feel as if these
03:12two mothers are just the same.
03:15Same for the kids as well, they too.
03:19So when we say why is the world harsh or violent or why is the world in conflict, we are essentially
03:26talking of ourselves.
03:29Because the world means an aggregation of people and their relationships, a totality
03:36of people and the way the people relate to each other.
03:41If we can understand why one man or one woman is in conflict, we will be able to understand
03:46why the entire world is in conflict.
03:50One person is a microcosm.
03:57One person is a miniature representation of the entire world.
04:03In different ways, obviously, I do not represent the world in the same way as he does or she
04:09does.
04:10There are differences.
04:13But the basic tendencies, the point that we are trying to make is are same within everyone.
04:23So why is one person in conflict, why is one man divided, why are we not at peace with
04:31ourselves and if we can understand why we are not at peace with ourselves, we will also
04:36be able to understand why we are not at peace with our neighbor and then with the neighboring
04:43state and then with the neighboring country and then with the entire universe.
04:51Why we are not at peace with anything.
04:54Why are we not at peace with ourselves firstly.
05:09Why are we not happy with ourselves, why are we not settled within ourselves, why are we
05:14not just contented.
05:18I repeat, if we can know why one man is not at home with himself, why he is not at peace
05:25with himself, we will also know why nations fight, we will also know why religions fight.
05:32We have to start at the unit level, at the individual level.
05:40Why is one man not able to be comfortable with himself?
05:46Why is he cursing himself or backing himself or expecting things from himself or asking
05:54questions to himself?
05:55Why do we all have issues with ourselves?
05:59Why does no one like himself perfectly?
06:16Well, I always thought that was testosterone in men for creating problems in the world.
06:29So women have no problems.
06:32Oh yes, oh yes.
06:35The aggression part, the war part.
06:44You have your own issues.
06:48Yes.
06:51It's only the ego, only the ego.
06:56Yeah, I think so.
07:00Your upbringing, or your parents, family, street, and city.
07:15My father said, I see you are thinking.
07:20Clutch!
07:22That is the definition maybe of ego.
07:32The definition of self is maybe a problem.
07:37For every attachment, that's ego I think.
07:45For my definition.
07:48Or that you are blind.
07:50Blind for the beauty of the world.
07:53We are open to the beauty of the world.
07:56Thankful.
07:57I think then it's a start.
08:00We are starting off by asking that before I can see the beauty out there, why am I unable
08:07to see the beauty in here?
08:11So that's the first question I think we must tackle.
08:17Why is the beauty within not so apparent?
08:21And we have obtained a valuable lead.
08:25You talked of the ego, you talked of upbringing, you talked of attachments.
08:31Are they not all one whole?
08:35Are we not referring to the same thing, the same creature?
08:39Whether we say upbringing.
08:42What is the ego?
08:47Some total of it all.
08:51The sense of self, the sense of who I am.
08:56The construction.
09:00A constructed self of who I am.
09:03Ego means I.
09:05Who I am.
09:09But given the way human beings are, we would always be raised somewhere, given the way
09:18the mind of a child is.
09:24He would be absorbing stuff.
09:28What he or she sees around.
09:30The television, the movies, the family, the school, the streets, the marketplace.
09:37The child would be absorbing influences.
09:40And the mind of the child, rather the brain itself, the physical thing itself is not yet
09:48in a position to exercise discretion.
09:54The child sees and the child imitates.
09:58Not learns, just imitates, copies, absorbs.
10:05So upbringing as a fact would remain.
10:10And that would mean that any child, any human being would always have a past behind her.
10:18A past in which he or she has been brought up and thereby conditioned, thereby influenced.
10:26So the person has been given a religion.
10:30The person has been given a feeling about nationality.
10:34The person has been made to think that this is the community he or she belongs to.
10:41You see this?
10:42The person has been made to take pride in the glory of his ancestors.
10:49And the person has been cultivated with ideas about what future must look like.
10:58Do you see all this?
10:59So it will necessarily be there.
11:01It's there for all of us.
11:03Every single individual has been through it.
11:06Now what to do?
11:07Does that mean that conflict is inevitable?
11:10That conflict is something that we cannot avoid?
11:14We have to live with it?
11:15What are we saying then?
11:22Well, I'm sure we could avoid the conflict.
11:29I'm not in it, of course, so it's easier to speak probably.
11:34But I'm convinced we could avoid it.
11:38And people start realizing what they're doing.
11:42And that there's another choice.
11:47I'm not for sure at all.
11:49For sure.
11:51It's in everyone.
11:55If they were born in Syria, it's difficult.
11:59They have a long way to go.
12:03It's so sad, because you would like to help, but you can't do it alone.
12:12So the individual, the one person, is being acted upon by different forces.
12:24Parts of the mind are being dominated by different influences.
12:29There is the influence of the church.
12:35There is the influence of the temple.
12:37There is the influence of the media.
12:39Then there are political leaders.
12:41Then there are small things like friends in school.
12:46And the comic strips.
12:50But all of them go towards filling the consciousness, don't they?
12:56Now, none of these influences is total.
13:02None of them has any wholeness about them.
13:06All of them are limited.
13:09All of them are partisan.
13:11Do you see this?
13:14All of them are very parochial, tiny little fragments.
13:24So they occupy only one portion of the mind.
13:28They sit upon one portion of the mind,
13:31and the other fragment sits upon another portion, another portion, another portion,
13:34and none of them has any wholeness.
13:39What will happen to the mind,
13:42the different parts of which have been occupied by, dominated by, different influences?
13:48What's going to happen to such a mind?
13:55The mind is confused.
14:00The mind is confused.
14:02And what is this confusion going to result in?
14:08What is this confusion, rather, all about?
14:14You see, for example, let me represent it through a more concrete example.
14:21There are several influences on the mind that teach us self-interest.
14:26Right?
14:28Self-preservation.
14:30And then there is the morality that is taught in school,
14:36and sometimes in the church,
14:38that tells us that one has to be good and fair and magnanimous towards the neighbors.
14:44Now, are these two the same thing?
14:48Preserving your own self,
14:51and being good to the neighbor as well?
14:54Not always.
14:56They'll very often be in conflict with each other.
15:02So the mind is torn.
15:06Whatever will come from outside will never have a totality about it,
15:12for the simple reason that it is coming from outside.
15:14It is not you.
15:16It can appeal to one part of you,
15:19but it can never be you in totality.
15:25So the human being is now divided.
15:30Right?
15:32There is confusion, there is inner strife.
15:35One does not know which way to go.
15:38One decides to go this way,
15:41another influence comes, shows up,
15:44and then one is led that way.
15:47At one point in time, this appears important,
15:50at other point in time, that appears important.
15:54And even if one is able to prioritize,
15:57in the prioritization, there is a trade-off.
16:00We say, take this, leave this,
16:03you gain so much, and at the same time,
16:06you lose so much.
16:09It's just that you appear to be gaining more than you are losing,
16:12so go ahead with this decision.
16:15Do you see this?
16:17So you go ahead with the decision,
16:19because overall you seem to be gaining,
16:22but you can't get rid of the pain
16:25that you have also gained.
16:31Lost something.
16:33Maybe you have gained 500 units,
16:36but you can't forget that to gain these 500 units,
16:40you have to forego 200 units of something else.
16:43There was a compromise involved.
16:46So even as you feel happy about what you have obtained,
16:49some part of you keeps weeping about what you have lost.
16:55In fact, you have adages like,
16:57no pain, no gain,
17:00there are no free lunches,
17:03that to gain something, you have to also give up something,
17:07things like these.
17:10And then you run into privacy,
17:13you lose peace of mind.
17:16So you can never really rejoice in totality.
17:20You can never really say that both your hands are full.
17:24It's always one hand that is receiving,
17:27and the other hand from which something is being snatched away.
17:33So now man is divided.
17:35Now man is internally divided.
17:37Man does not know what to do.
17:40Do you see this?
17:43Is it not so that this same division
17:46expresses itself on the outside also?
17:53Is it not so that when there is
17:58strife inside,
18:01in a mental way,
18:03that same...
18:05Let's just call it a war.
18:08Let's just call it a conflict.
18:11A war, a conflict.
18:14So when there is a war inside,
18:16in a mental way, in an abstract way,
18:19that same war then appears outside in a physical way.
18:30You see, look at any war that is fought.
18:34Both the parties say that ultimately they want to gain something.
18:41And in order to gain what they aim to gain,
18:45they are saying we are prepared to compromise a few soldiers.
18:51All right, we will lose 10,000 men.
18:55But having lost 10,000 men,
18:57we will gain something which is bigger than the cost of 10,000 men.
19:06So it's the same trade-off thing not happening on the outside also?
19:11Yes, I will gain a university degree
19:14and in the process of gaining the university degree,
19:17I might have compromised on something
19:22that my heart is really into.
19:27But now at least I have a degree
19:29and I value the degree higher than the other thing.
19:33So I would say on the net,
19:36the trade-off is positive.
19:41That's how it's happening.
19:43I want progress.
19:45And in the attempt to have progress,
19:50if I damage the environment a little,
19:52it's acceptable because I can quantify,
19:56monetize both the things and see
19:58that what I have gained by having more electricity,
20:03more convenience, more luxury,
20:06better roads, better vehicles,
20:08better spaceships,
20:10is of a higher value
20:12than just the 200 species of birds that we have lost.
20:27Whenever the mind would act as per influences,
20:33there would be inner conflict.
20:37And that inner conflict
20:39would become the conflict of the world also.
20:45What's obviously then the way
20:49to not fight internally
20:52and hence also not fight externally?
20:57That's the way.
20:59What's the way?
21:02But I always fight in myself.
21:09Gender escape.
21:11Is it you who fights within yourself
21:15or is it one influence
21:17that fights with another influence?
21:19Yes, that's the case.
21:22And you are the battleground.
21:24Upon you the fight is taking place.
21:32Why must we become a participant in that fight?
21:38Because we identify with one player,
21:41the other player and sometimes
21:46both the players.
21:51We fight from both the sides often.
21:55Hmm?
21:57I ask you a very basic example.
22:01We went to the beach,
22:05we are returning from there.
22:07So we watch a billboard and an advertisement
22:12displaying one particular mobile phone.
22:16Hmm?
22:18Then we move some distance
22:21and we come across a shop
22:23that is advertising another mobile phone.
22:26Hmm?
22:27Two of different makes
22:29coming from different companies,
22:30different models.
22:35These two companies are competitors.
22:39Please see this.
22:41These two handsets are competing amongst themselves.
22:47They are competing amongst themselves,
22:49you don't have anything to do with that.
22:53But if you are influenced by the first one
22:58and then you are also influenced by the second one,
23:02then the fight takes place
23:05inside you,
23:07then you are torn.
23:09Then you are torn.
23:10Then you are thinking,
23:12should I buy this, should I buy this,
23:14should I buy both or should I buy
23:17neither of them.
23:19Now all four options are available
23:22and you don't know what to do.
23:25No.
23:26Indecisiveness, can you say?
23:28Yes.
23:29So something that had to be really outside of you,
23:33something that you principally had nothing to do with,
23:37has now become your personal matter.
23:41Yeah.
23:44Do you see this?
23:45Yes.
23:47Yes.
23:48Yes?
23:49And all this happens like this.
23:52Yes.
23:53Even more subtly than this.
23:55You don't even realize,
23:57you know, the eyes look at it,
23:59the mind reads it,
24:01then eyes look at that,
24:03the mind reads that,
24:04and it has happened.
24:06And you are thinking that you are
24:09internally debating on something
24:13that is immensely important to you.
24:17You feel as if it is you who must decide.
24:21You feel as if it is your individual interest
24:24that is at stake.
24:26You don't even realize that you have
24:29been made a victim of propaganda,
24:33that it is somebody else's battle that you are fighting.
24:36Yeah.
24:38Did you see that?
24:41Yeah.
24:48So, does that suggest
24:52a way to have freedom from this inner conflict?
24:59Not sure.
25:00It's not buying stuff.
25:02It's not buying stuff.
25:04Seeing it for what it is.
25:10Or saying it's not my karma.
25:15Whatever I do,
25:17which one I choose,
25:19it's their karma,
25:21it's not mine.
25:22Even before that,
25:24had I not been told to choose,
25:26was there a need to choose at all?
25:29No.
25:30Had I not been compelled
25:32to think about the mobile phone,
25:35would I have thought about it at all?
25:38No.
25:39Is the thought itself
25:41not an external implant?
25:43Like...
25:44You know?
25:45Yeah.
25:46Yeah.
25:47Hmm?
25:48Comparison.
25:49Like somebody sneaking in
25:51foreign stuff into my home?
25:53Mm-hmm.
25:54Hmm?
25:55Mm-hmm.
25:56Yeah.
25:57And the stuff stinks?
25:59Mm-hmm.
26:00And my whole house?
26:02Stinks.
26:03Now stinks along with the stuff?
26:07Hmm?
26:08Mm-hmm.
26:09Do you see this?
26:10Yeah.
26:11What then is the way
26:13to freedom from this conflict?
26:20Realizing what you really need,
26:22actually need,
26:24inside you,
26:25feeling inside,
26:26what do I really need to feel?
26:28And what do I make myself?
26:30Now, who are we?
26:32We had started off by saying that
26:35you said that the child is conditioned.
26:38You talked of ego.
26:40We talked of attachments.
26:42Who are we then?
26:44Who is the one
26:45who gets influenced by advertisements?
26:47Who is the one
26:48who is a product of his upbringing?
26:51Who is this one
26:52that we are referring to?
26:57Is that not who we are?
27:02Hmm?
27:04If that's not what we are,
27:06then who else
27:08is the target,
27:10the aim
27:11of all those advertisements?
27:14For sure,
27:16a lot of propaganda is taking place.
27:18For sure,
27:19forces
27:20that influence us
27:22are very much active.
27:24Correct?
27:25They are there all around us.
27:29Right?
27:30And if not we,
27:31then who else
27:32is the target of those forces?
27:39It's we, right?
27:42Which means
27:43that
27:44it's we
27:45who are
27:46a product
27:47of that conditioning.
27:50Which means that
27:51whatever I have been
27:54is just external
27:56and whatever is external
27:58just causes division.
27:59Hence the only way
28:01to really connect
28:04is to
28:05not
28:06be
28:07what we have been
28:08trained to be,
28:09what we believe
28:10ourselves to be.
28:12The more
28:13that is put aside,
28:15the more it is possible
28:16to connect with the other.
28:19The more
28:20blank one is,
28:21the more
28:22one has
28:23something in common
28:24with the other.
28:27Yes, yes.
28:28Yes, yes.
28:30Yes, yes.
28:32And the more
28:33your sheets
28:34are full,
28:35let's take
28:36an opposite example
28:37in the opposite direction.
28:40You write down
28:41what I have read,
28:42what I have said
28:43over the last
28:4445 minutes.
28:46And then I say
28:47kindly elaborate on it.
28:51I say
28:52kindly fill
28:53four A4 sheets.
28:55You know an A4 sheet?
28:56Right?
28:57I say now fill
28:58A4 sheets
28:59elaborating
29:01what I have said.
29:05Now would you find
29:06more division
29:07or less division?
29:14Ok,
29:15simple example.
29:23Think of it.
29:25Let's say
29:26all of you write down
29:27that I have been
29:28talking of awareness.
29:29So all of you
29:30write down
29:31a simple word
29:32awareness.
29:33Then I say
29:34now explain
29:35in two pages
29:36what I have been saying.
29:38Awareness.
29:39As far as
29:40the single word
29:41was concerned,
29:42there appeared
29:43a certain commonality.
29:44Everybody is saying
29:46awareness.
29:47Now you elaborate
29:48on that.
29:49Now do you find,
29:50will you find
29:51more division
29:52or less division?
29:54Which means
29:56which means
29:57that the more
29:58you have mental activity,
30:00the more
30:01you have
30:02of yourself,
30:03the more
30:04you are
30:05cut off
30:06from your neighbour.
30:08Because you know
30:09what would happen?
30:10The more you write
30:11about awareness,
30:12the more you will write
30:13from your own
30:14personal point of view.
30:17Are you getting this?
30:18Do you see this?
30:19Which means
30:20the more you expand,
30:21the more you find
30:22the more you find
30:23yourself in isolation.
30:27The more you expand,
30:28the more you absorb,
30:29the more you are,
30:31the more you are
30:32in isolation.
30:34The only way
30:36to be one with someone
30:37is to be nobody.
30:41The more
30:42you are grounded
30:43in your nationality,
30:45the more you believe
30:46in your religion,
30:49the more you believe
30:50in your ethnicity,
30:51the more you believe
30:52in your economic class,
30:54the more you believe
30:55in your ideals,
30:56your thoughts,
30:57your philosophies,
30:59your assumptions,
31:00the more you will
31:01be divided.
31:02The only way
31:03then to connect
31:04is to be blank.
31:09Now we see
31:10what is it that
31:11connects all of us?
31:12It's a certain emptiness,
31:13a certain blankness.
31:15That's the only thing
31:16that we share
31:17with each other.
31:18And it's not
31:19the
31:20blankness
31:21or emptiness
31:22of
31:24loneliness.
31:26It's an emptiness
31:27that sings.
31:28It's a very
31:29expressive emptiness.
31:31And it's called
31:32emptiness only because
31:33it is free
31:34and clear
31:35of all kinds
31:36of impurities.
31:38So it is empty
31:39of rubbish.
31:40That's what the word
31:41emptiness means.
31:42That's the only thing
31:43that connects
31:45all of us.
31:46Which means that
31:47as I am speaking,
31:48all of us
31:49can be in
31:50perfect agreement
31:51only if we are
31:52nothing,
31:53thinking nothing,
31:54analyzing nothing,
31:55concluding nothing.
31:57You know that state
31:58of meditativeness?
31:59When we are so
32:00deeply connected
32:01that
32:02no one here
32:03is anyone.
32:05You have forgotten
32:06who you are.
32:07You are listening
32:08so intently
32:09that you have
32:10totally forgotten
32:11who you are.
32:12You are so immersed
32:13in listening
32:14that you too
32:15have forgotten
32:16who you are.
32:17Now the two of you
32:18do you see this?
32:19This is the only thing
32:20that can connect
32:21humanity.
32:22Otherwise
32:23whatever the eyes
32:24perceive,
32:25whatever the mind
32:26thinks of,
32:27whatever the society
32:28gives,
32:29is only going to be
32:30a cause of
32:31division and conflict.
32:35Only an absence
32:36of all of that
32:38and by the way
32:39the heart
32:40that you talked of.
32:41This emptiness
32:42is that heart itself.
32:43Is that heart itself.
32:44The more you are
32:45identified with
32:46whatever is there
32:47in the mind
32:48irrespective of
32:49what it is,
32:50the more you
32:51will be
32:52violent,
32:53parochial,
32:54divided,
32:55identified,
32:56partisan.
32:57It doesn't
32:58matter
32:59what you are
33:00thinking.
33:01You might be
33:02thinking
33:03the kindest
33:04words.
33:05You might
33:06be
33:07upholding
33:08the
33:09values
33:10of
33:11equality
33:12and
33:13upholding
33:14the most
33:15benign
33:16and most
33:17charitable
33:18philosophy.
33:19Yet you
33:20would be
33:21internally
33:22very very violent
33:23if it is
33:24a philosophy.
33:27You might be
33:29swearing
33:30allegiance
33:31to the
33:32most
33:36kind
33:37and accommodative
33:39thoughts
33:41that
33:42religion can
33:43give you.
33:45And yet you
33:46will find
33:47that these
33:48very thoughts
33:49are causing
33:50you to
33:51distrust
33:52your neighbour.
33:54As long as
33:55you are
33:56something
33:57and it
33:58doesn't matter
33:59what that
34:00thing is,
34:01as long as
34:02you are
34:03somebody
34:04and it
34:05doesn't matter
34:06who that
34:07somebody is,
34:08you are
34:09in for
34:10conflict.
34:11I have
34:12never
34:13seen her
34:14as an
34:15Indian.
34:16There is
34:17no way
34:18she can
34:19relate to
34:20me as
34:21somebody
34:22who spent
34:23time in
34:24the service
34:25industry.
34:26We relate
34:27only when we
34:28forget who
34:29we are.
34:30Do you
34:31get this?
34:32We relate
34:33only when we
34:34forget who
34:35we are.
34:41I said,
34:42that's not kind
34:43to say that
34:44towards you.
34:45It doesn't matter
34:46who you are,
34:47we don't relate
34:48to that.
34:49Just forget about
34:50yourself.
34:51Yes, of course.
34:52And don't you
34:53know that
34:54in your own
34:55experience,
34:56when you
34:57are
34:58really,
34:59really
35:00in love,
35:01do you
35:02consider
35:03the various
35:04social parameters,
35:05do you
35:06consider
35:07your thoughts,
35:08your philosophies
35:09and such things?
35:10When you are
35:11really absorbed
35:12in music,
35:13do miscellaneous
35:14thoughts come
35:15to you?
35:16Do they?
35:18Yes?
35:20That's the
35:21only way
35:22one can
35:23connect and
35:24relate.
35:25By not
35:26being the
35:27one,
35:28one has
35:29always been.
35:34The mistake
35:35that man
35:36makes is
35:38he finds
35:39that what
35:40he is
35:42is prone
35:43to conflict.
35:45So he tries
35:46to become
35:47somebody else.
35:49He says,
35:50this that I am
35:52caused problems,
35:53caused pain,
35:54suffering,
35:55violence,
35:56wars,
35:57so let me
35:58just become
35:59somebody else.
36:00Maybe the
36:01opposite of
36:02what I have
36:03been previously.
36:05And it doesn't
36:06help because
36:07you still
36:08are somebody.
36:10You will be
36:11disappointed again,
36:12you will find
36:13yourself in
36:14conflict again.
36:15The only
36:16way is to
36:17give up
36:18this absurd
36:19belief in
36:20being anything.
36:21Of course,
36:22in day-to-day
36:23living,
36:24practically,
36:25you have to be
36:26somebody.
36:27You carry a
36:28passport,
36:29you carry a
36:30name,
36:31you carry a
36:32bank account,
36:33you have a
36:34house,
36:35you have a
36:36car.
36:37The identities
36:38should not
36:39percolate.
36:41Deep within,
36:42you should
36:43remain untouched
36:44by whatever
36:45you are.
36:47Young,
36:48old,
36:49man,
36:50woman,
36:51African,
36:52Asian,
36:54Martian.
36:59Deep within,
37:00you are not
37:01an identity.
37:03Deep within,
37:04you are not
37:05an identity.
37:07The more you
37:08connect to the
37:09other through
37:10identities,
37:11the more
37:12superficial your
37:13relationship would
37:14be.
37:15Deep within,
37:16there are no
37:17identities.
37:18Which means,
37:19if identities
37:20are connecting,
37:21the relationship
37:22is only superficial,
37:23not deep.
37:27If a man
37:28connects to a
37:29woman,
37:30the relationship
37:31can go
37:32deep,
37:33only to a
37:34certain extent.
37:36If there has
37:37to be a real
37:38relationship,
37:39then the man
37:40will have to
37:41forget that he's
37:42a man,
37:43and the woman
37:44will have to
37:45forget her
37:46own gender.
37:47Otherwise,
37:48the relationship
37:49would be only
37:50skin deep.
37:51That's why
37:52we have way
37:53too many
37:54people,
37:55for example.
37:57I find it
37:58so interesting
37:59that what
38:00you said
38:01about
38:02when you
38:03are all
38:04listening to
38:05one.
38:08But one
38:09not in the
38:10sense of
38:11following
38:12a certain
38:13ideology that
38:14I might be
38:15suggesting.
38:16That would be
38:17very misleading.
38:18Just listening.
38:19Just listening.
38:20Only being aware.
38:21Only being aware.
38:22And that awareness
38:23has no content.
38:24If somebody
38:25asks you,
38:26what are you
38:27aware of?
38:28You return
38:29blank sheets.
38:30And if you
38:31write something,
38:32then you're
38:33not aware.
38:34What is the
38:35feeling that
38:36you have
38:37with great
38:38speakers,
38:39like Gandhi
38:40or any
38:41person,
38:42any great
38:43person?
38:44Everyone who
38:45listens feel
38:46connected.
38:48I would like to
38:49say something.
38:50It's not even a
38:51feeling of being
38:52connected.
38:53Because if you
38:54are connected,
38:55then you are
38:56a divided entity.
38:57If you are
38:58whole,
38:59then how
39:00can you
39:01be connected?
39:02When you're
39:03in a
39:04group,
39:05you are
39:06connected.
39:07My experience
39:08is also,
39:09sometimes I do
39:10with him,
39:11I do a group
39:12meditation,
39:13and then
39:14it's also,
39:15it feels
39:16so good
39:17when you are
39:18together,
39:19but you
39:20try not to
39:21think only
39:22slightly.
39:23Yes, but
39:24in the depths
39:25of meditation,
39:26do you even
39:27remember that
39:28there is
39:29somebody
39:30in front of
39:31you and
39:32then you
39:33are just
39:34socializing?
39:37Are you
39:38not?
39:39Because if
39:40you do
39:41remember that
39:42there is
39:43somebody in
39:44front of you,
39:45then you
39:46would also
39:47be conscious
39:48of the fact
39:49that he or
39:50she is not
39:51performing
39:52the right
39:53steps.
39:54And the
39:55fellow on
39:56this side
39:57is so fit,
39:58his leg
39:59goes up
40:00four inches
40:02In real
40:03meditation,
40:04you have to
40:05be alone,
40:06right?
40:07Aloneness
40:08is what you
40:09discover.
40:10Now there
40:11is nobody
40:12else.
40:13Even if
40:14there are,
40:15yet there
40:16are nobody.
40:17I feel
40:18when I am
40:19with a group,
40:20it goes
40:21better than
40:22when I am
40:23alone.
40:24Then I go
40:25deeper,
40:26then I forget
40:27something.
40:28That can be
40:29an initiator,
40:31like the
40:32presence of a
40:33teacher,
40:34like the
40:35presence of
40:36a friend
40:37or a
40:38lover.
40:39That can
40:40initiate you,
40:41but that
40:42cannot last
40:43right till
40:44the end.
40:45In the
40:46end,
40:47you have to
40:48become one
40:49with the
40:50teacher or
40:51the lover
40:52or the
40:53friend.
40:54In the
40:55sense that
40:56separation
40:57has to go
40:58away.
40:59The
41:00fellow in
41:01front is
41:02still there.
41:03That's a
41:04very long
41:05answer to
41:06a very
41:07simple
41:08question.
41:09You
41:10see,
41:11it's far
41:12better to
41:13go into
41:14the depths
41:15of this
41:16than to
41:17try
41:18superficial
41:19methods.
41:20Man
41:21has always
41:22been
41:23fascinated
41:24by war
41:25and
41:26in
41:27equal
41:28measure
41:29he has
41:30loathe
41:31war.
41:32You
41:33know,
41:34man's
41:35liking for
41:36war is
41:37matched only
41:38by his
41:39repugnance
41:40for war,
41:41towards war.
41:42He
41:43dislikes
41:44war.
41:45On one
41:46hand,
41:47man finds
41:48war heroic.
41:49Man
41:50worships the
41:51generals who
41:52have fought
41:53in war and
41:54man names
41:55streets after
41:56them.
41:57They are
41:58heroes.
41:59Countries
42:00worship them.
42:01Our war
42:02hero.
42:03On the
42:04other hand,
42:05we always
42:06talk of
42:07war as a
42:08disease.
42:09If war is a
42:10disease,
42:11then why are
42:12you worshipping
42:13the soldiers?
42:14So,
42:15it's very
42:16important not
42:17to try
42:18half measures.
42:19Otherwise,
42:20in spite of
42:21the dislike
42:22that you
42:23have for
42:24war,
42:25war will
42:26not
42:27materialize.
42:28Given the
42:29kind of
42:30accumulation
42:31we have
42:32of nuclear
42:33weapons,
42:34a physical
42:35war may
42:36not
42:37materialize
42:38just because
42:39it deters
42:40one person
42:41from using
42:42it and
42:43in equal
42:44amount the
42:45other person
42:46from using
42:47it.
42:48But then
42:49there is
42:50psychological
42:51warfare.
42:52The
42:53minds are
42:54divided.
42:56May be
42:57worse.
42:59May be
43:00worse.
43:01With a
43:02wound on the
43:03hand,
43:04you can
43:05still be
43:06peaceful,
43:07but with a
43:08wound in
43:09the psyche,
43:10you can
43:11never be
43:12peaceful.
43:13So,
43:14this thing
43:15about trying
43:16this and
43:17trying that.
43:18I'm just
43:19thinking the
43:20whole psyche
43:21is one
43:22wound.
43:23The whole
43:25psyche is
43:26one wound.
43:27So,
43:28all
43:29the methods
43:30that then
43:31we try
43:32to prevent
43:33conflict,
43:34be it
43:35the conflict
43:36between husband
43:37and wife,
43:38yes,
43:39between father
43:40and son,
43:41or between
43:42two
43:43large
43:44countries,
43:45all the
43:46methods that
43:47we try are
43:48all
43:49thought-based
43:50methods,
43:51are all
43:52identity-based
43:53We try those methods, remaining somebody, do you see this?
44:01Remaining somebody we try those methods, those methods are always going to fail.
44:06Some may fail immediately, some may take time to declare that they have failed.
44:17The only method that will never fail is that you do not remain who you are, yes, stay empty.
44:30Do not forget that you are not that.
44:37Let the two mobile phone companies compete with each other.
44:43Let the competition not begin in your own mind, let it not begin here.
44:52As long as you have not become that, war will not start.
44:58You remain free of influences and wars will not start.
45:05Emptiness does not fight emptiness.
45:07Something fights something else.
45:11Somebody fights somebody else and as long as you are somebody, the other one will be
45:16somebody else and there would be war.
45:29And let's also again not take this as a matter very removed from our daily lives.
45:37Let's not say that what do I have to do with war.
45:40I have a peaceful house somewhere in a, you know, peaceful village and war is none of
45:48my concerns.
45:49We are not only talking of armies fighting each other, I repeat, we are also talking
45:55of the brother and sister not being at peace with each other, yes, of man and daughter
46:03not being at peace with each other and fundamentally of man not being at peace with himself.
46:11So this is something of immediate and direct concern to each one of us.
46:16I would like to say something a little different from this.
46:43That which we are is a perpetual starter, it keeps on starting.
46:49One need not start with himself, one needs to stop himself first.
46:54That's what we need to stop.
46:57No more starts are needed, fits and starts we have had just too many.
47:03We better stop, better stop yourself.
47:11And another thing is betterment is not necessary.
47:15Because all betterment means self-improvement, it's not necessary, yes, because in self-improvement
47:27you retain the core of what you are and then you want to decorate yourself around it.
47:34In self-improvement you say fundamentally I will remain what I am, which is my ego-centered
47:39identity, but I will, you know, pep it up a little, make it a little more acceptable,
47:47make it a little more presentable, but I will not change or let change my fundamental tendencies.
47:59If I am possessive, I will remain the possessive one, it's just that now I will show that I
48:05am not possessive.
48:06So that is self-improvement.
48:07Improvement, remember, is always gradual, incremental, it's always on the same base.
48:15When we say let's improve this wall, that does not mean that we will bring down this
48:22wall.
48:23Improving this wall would mean that it gets a fresh coat of paint, it gets a new painting
48:30here.
48:31What else can be done to improve this wall?
48:34We can put soundproof, you can have a TV, you can have two models standing by this wall.
48:51But you will never bring down this wall.
48:54So improvement never gets rid of the fundamental problem.