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Video Information: 09.09.2022, Vedant Mahotsav, IISc Bangalore
Context:
~ How to come out of a toxic relationship?
~ What to do if my spouse beats me?
~ How to tackle violence in a relationship?
~ Why are people afraid to move on?
~ Why do we get into abusive marriages?
~ Who are our mentors today?
~ What is the impact of movies you watch?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~
Be a part of the Live Sessions: https://acharyaprashant.org/hi/enquir...
Want to read Acharya Prashant's Books?
Get Free Delivery: https://acharyaprashant.org/en/books?...
~~~~~
Video Information: 09.09.2022, Vedant Mahotsav, IISc Bangalore
Context:
~ How to come out of a toxic relationship?
~ What to do if my spouse beats me?
~ How to tackle violence in a relationship?
~ Why are people afraid to move on?
~ Why do we get into abusive marriages?
~ Who are our mentors today?
~ What is the impact of movies you watch?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~
Category
📚
LearningTranscript
00:00Why are people afraid to step out of even abusive marriages?
00:14The reason is exactly the same as for those who feel compelled to get into marriages.
00:29That is the pressure to conform.
00:35That is the pressure to belong to the crowd.
00:44The fear to not to be labelled abnormal.
00:55The urge to not to miss out on something that has been glamorized as extremely important
01:04and central.
01:09Here in India, what are 90-95% of our movies about?
01:21Man and woman getting together, in some way or the other.
01:33So that's what it is.
01:36Obviously there is the biological urge embedded in the body itself.
01:46But much more than that, it is the social norm that first of all pushes us into this
01:57institution of marriage and then compels us to stay there even if that institution is
02:06sapping the very life out of us.
02:12See, don't we wear what Bollywood does or Tollywood or whatever, depending on your taste.
02:21We are in the South right now.
02:25We speak the way they do.
02:30We even raise our kids the way they teach us to do.
02:35They tell us how to handle our maternity.
02:39They tell us how to be good parents.
02:44They are our teachers, mentors, guides, philosophers, de facto gods.
02:59Do we see how much is our life dictated by the forces of entertainment?
03:10We spend such a lot of time on avenues of entertainment that we are bound to fully absorb
03:27the values they are giving us.
03:40If you read the Gita, there is no man-woman angle.
03:47So that kind of center, that feeling, that very issue will not even be activated in your
03:54mind.
03:55Will it be?
03:57Some other more important issue will take dominance.
04:05What is the right action, when to indulge in a war and when to retreat, how to pick
04:16the right battle to fight, who exactly am I, what is my relationship with the world.
04:25If you spend time with the Gita, these are the issues that will get activated within
04:30you.
04:31You will feel involved with these issues.
04:36Whereas if you watch a movie, what is the issue that will gain importance in your mind?
04:45How do I get my man, how do I get my woman?
04:57Even if you go to the Ramayana, what you find is that a noble and honorable man is prepared
05:04to give up on marital, conjugal pleasure for the sake of a higher ideal.
05:17Now this kind of a higher thing you will never find in the avenues that supply you your values.
05:32And all the time we are with entertainers.
05:37And so much of our entertainment is simply related to sex.
05:49If you think of 10 jokes that make you laugh, 7 or 8 or 9 would be sex related, right?
05:58Indirectly or indirectly?
06:09So right from the age of 6 or 8, we become deeply indoctrinated, please understand this.
06:28We are forcefully made to believe that the purpose of life is to chase a man or a woman.
06:41And the highest possible ideal is to spend time or life with some nice and right person,
06:51right?
06:53That is what you also call as settling down.
06:58Now that ideal is ingrained in our minds from a very very early age and it refuses to leave
07:06us even after we turn 80 or 90.
07:13What is life for?
07:15Life is not for a noble cause, life is not for liberation, life is not for knowledge,
07:24life is not for exploration.
07:28Life is so that you can have somebody's hand in your hand.
07:36Life is for romance, right?
07:44Life is when you have that right and perfect person with you, next to you, that's when
07:54life is right.
07:55It becomes impossible for us to even imagine a life that is not welded to somebody else's.
08:10What else is welding?
08:18That's why so much fire is there.
08:30It sounds scary if you imagine, if I tell you, you have to spend your life without being
08:39hitched to some person of the other gender.
08:44Most of us will start feeling scared.
08:50I can understand the situation of those who are already welded, but even those who are
08:57fortunate enough to not yet have been welded, even they will start feeling scared, oh my
09:11God, what a scary vision, all alone, what will happen to me, where did this feeling
09:19come from?
09:22Definitely this feeling is not coming from the body.
09:27Definitely this feeling is not prakritic or genetic.
09:34Because this kind of feeling is not found in animals.
09:40Animals do form pairs, but only for a while and then they go their own way, till the next
09:50mating season, they are away.
10:00This kind of a welded relationship, this concept does not exist in prakriti.
10:06So surely it is coming from the society, not biology.
10:12And from where in society is it coming?
10:16It is coming from our avenues of entertainment.
10:25Songs, you go to YouTube, which is the most watched YouTube channel across the world,
10:38and what do you watch there?
10:40Songs and what are those songs necessarily about?
10:45Man and woman, man and woman, man and woman, man and woman.
10:51The entire world is watching that.
10:55That particular channel is in Hindi, but even otherwise, east or west, that's what we are
11:02constantly crooning, where is my man, where is my woman, where is my man, where is my
11:08woman.
11:09So that's the reason why the day you turn 12, you actually start looking for a partner.
11:24I've heard kids of age 6 and 8 have boyfriends and girlfriends these days.
11:33That's because this mass culture through media is now reaching them even earlier.
11:41They all have mobile phones.
11:44So even they are thinking that the highest thing possible in life is a boyfriend or girlfriend,
11:53and if you have that, then you have arrived, you have succeeded.
12:03With that kind of ideal, how will you ever have the courage to walk alone?
12:14And when I say walk alone, that does not mean that you cannot be in a relationship.
12:21When I say walk alone, that means being free of the compulsion to be in a relationship.
12:29These are two very different things.
12:32You can be in a relationship out of your freedom.
12:35It is an expression of your freedom that you are in a relationship, that is possible, right?
12:40Since I am free, hence out of my choice, I am in a relationship.
12:45But that's not the case very often.
12:50Most of us are in relationships not because of freedom but because of compulsion.
12:59And that's the reason why we have so many husband-wife jokes.
13:04Otherwise how can there be something to joke about in that?
13:08You don't have mother-son jokes, you don't have brother-sister jokes.
13:12Why do you have so many husband-wife jokes?
13:16Just to mitigate the suffering a little.
13:21Just to be able to laugh at your own sorry situation a little.
13:27Isn't the mother-son bond an important one?
13:35Why don't you have mother-son jokes then?
13:38Why only husband-wife jokes?
13:43Because without joking it will be even more difficult to tolerate.
14:01This institution has ruined so many people and continues to do that on a daily basis,
14:08especially women.
14:10Here we have a man stating his predicament and suffering.
14:19But this institution has been equally, if not more, harsh upon women.
14:29Because they are even more scared to step out.
14:36How is it possible for a simple, normal, average, powerless lady like me to survive all alone
14:51in this big, bad, bullying world?
14:57So she'll tolerate all kinds of nonsense and abuse and violence, but will stay put.
15:05And she'll say, you know, I'm doing it for the integrity of the family and welfare of the kids.
15:19Same goes for men, because now women are as nastily empowered as men used to be.
15:30So they are as nastily exploitative as well.
15:43Finally get into your own mind and ask yourself, who has taught you to put up with daily abuse
15:53and humiliation?
15:58Who declared that to be your destiny?
16:05Who is that script writer?
16:11Who is this decree that cannot be reversed?
16:26Why must you act as if you are helpless and powerless?
16:34Why must you behave as if there is no choice?
16:41I do not know what you must do.
16:44You have been with me only since a week.
16:47I do not know the intricacies of your situation.
16:54But I can talk of a general principle.
16:58Nothing in life is irreversible, please.
17:03The only thing that you should never compromise on, never negotiate on is the central purpose
17:08of life and that is liberation.
17:15All else is dispensable.
17:22Nothing is cast in stone.
17:27You are free to be, you are free to not to be.
17:35And there is no God sitting upstairs to declare a mandate.
17:52Existence will not curse you if you are solo.
17:56And there is no special reward for remaining hitched.
18:11The curse that we experience in our daily life acts both ways.
18:16One, we feel compelled to stay in rotten relationships.
18:24Second, we feel constrained from entering the right relationships, both.
18:41And I am not necessarily talking of giving up on one woman and being with another one.
18:50The right relationship might as well with travelling.
19:00Travel that you cannot afford because the other person won't allow you to.
19:06So that relationship is not only abusive in itself but also an impediment to another
19:19right relationship.
19:31That's the reason why wisdom literature right at young age is so important.
19:43So that you may have higher ideals, especially girls, both.
19:51It's the age of empowerment.
19:54Else the only ideal you will worship is the ideal of a couple, the happy couple.
20:02And that is the ideal almost everybody has.
20:07Done your UG, done your PG, now what?
20:10Now I will happily settle down.