Stuck in a bad relationship? || Acharya Prashant (2022)

Acharya Prashant

‍♂️ Want to meet Acharya Prashant? Be a part of the Live Sessions: https://acharyaprashant.org/hi/enquir...   Want to read Acharya Prashant's Books? Get Free Delivery: https://acharyaprashant.org/en/books?...  ~~~~~  Video Information: 09.09.2022, Vedant Mahotsav, IISc Bangalore  Context: ~ How to come out of a toxic relationship? ~ What to do if my spouse beats me? ~ How to tackle violence in a relationship? ~ Why are people afraid to move on? ~ Why do we get into abusive marriages? ~ Who are our mentors today? ~ What is the impact of movies you watch?  Music Credits: Milind Date  ~~~~~

Transcript

00:00Why are people afraid to step out of even abusive marriages?

00:14The reason is exactly the same as for those who feel compelled to get into marriages.

00:29That is the pressure to conform.

00:35That is the pressure to belong to the crowd.

00:44The fear to not to be labelled abnormal.

00:55The urge to not to miss out on something that has been glamorized as extremely important

01:04and central.

01:09Here in India, what are 90-95% of our movies about?

01:21Man and woman getting together, in some way or the other.

01:33So that's what it is.

01:36Obviously there is the biological urge embedded in the body itself.

01:46But much more than that, it is the social norm that first of all pushes us into this

01:57institution of marriage and then compels us to stay there even if that institution is

02:06sapping the very life out of us.

02:12See, don't we wear what Bollywood does or Tollywood or whatever, depending on your taste.

02:21We are in the South right now.

02:25We speak the way they do.

02:30We even raise our kids the way they teach us to do.

02:35They tell us how to handle our maternity.

02:39They tell us how to be good parents.

02:44They are our teachers, mentors, guides, philosophers, de facto gods.

02:59Do we see how much is our life dictated by the forces of entertainment?

03:10We spend such a lot of time on avenues of entertainment that we are bound to fully absorb

03:27the values they are giving us.

03:40If you read the Gita, there is no man-woman angle.

03:47So that kind of center, that feeling, that very issue will not even be activated in your

03:54mind.

03:55Will it be?

03:57Some other more important issue will take dominance.

04:05What is the right action, when to indulge in a war and when to retreat, how to pick

04:16the right battle to fight, who exactly am I, what is my relationship with the world.

04:25If you spend time with the Gita, these are the issues that will get activated within

04:30you.

04:31You will feel involved with these issues.

04:36Whereas if you watch a movie, what is the issue that will gain importance in your mind?

04:45How do I get my man, how do I get my woman?

04:57Even if you go to the Ramayana, what you find is that a noble and honorable man is prepared

05:04to give up on marital, conjugal pleasure for the sake of a higher ideal.

05:17Now this kind of a higher thing you will never find in the avenues that supply you your values.

05:32And all the time we are with entertainers.

05:37And so much of our entertainment is simply related to sex.

05:49If you think of 10 jokes that make you laugh, 7 or 8 or 9 would be sex related, right?

05:58Indirectly or indirectly?

06:09So right from the age of 6 or 8, we become deeply indoctrinated, please understand this.

06:28We are forcefully made to believe that the purpose of life is to chase a man or a woman.

06:41And the highest possible ideal is to spend time or life with some nice and right person,

06:51right?

06:53That is what you also call as settling down.

06:58Now that ideal is ingrained in our minds from a very very early age and it refuses to leave

07:06us even after we turn 80 or 90.

07:13What is life for?

07:15Life is not for a noble cause, life is not for liberation, life is not for knowledge,

07:24life is not for exploration.

07:28Life is so that you can have somebody's hand in your hand.

07:36Life is for romance, right?

07:44Life is when you have that right and perfect person with you, next to you, that's when

07:54life is right.

07:55It becomes impossible for us to even imagine a life that is not welded to somebody else's.

08:10What else is welding?

08:18That's why so much fire is there.

08:30It sounds scary if you imagine, if I tell you, you have to spend your life without being

08:39hitched to some person of the other gender.

08:44Most of us will start feeling scared.

08:50I can understand the situation of those who are already welded, but even those who are

08:57fortunate enough to not yet have been welded, even they will start feeling scared, oh my

09:11God, what a scary vision, all alone, what will happen to me, where did this feeling

09:19come from?

09:22Definitely this feeling is not coming from the body.

09:27Definitely this feeling is not prakritic or genetic.

09:34Because this kind of feeling is not found in animals.

09:40Animals do form pairs, but only for a while and then they go their own way, till the next

09:50mating season, they are away.

10:00This kind of a welded relationship, this concept does not exist in prakriti.

10:06So surely it is coming from the society, not biology.

10:12And from where in society is it coming?

10:16It is coming from our avenues of entertainment.

10:25Songs, you go to YouTube, which is the most watched YouTube channel across the world,

10:38and what do you watch there?

10:40Songs and what are those songs necessarily about?

10:45Man and woman, man and woman, man and woman, man and woman.

10:51The entire world is watching that.

10:55That particular channel is in Hindi, but even otherwise, east or west, that's what we are

11:02constantly crooning, where is my man, where is my woman, where is my man, where is my

11:08woman.

11:09So that's the reason why the day you turn 12, you actually start looking for a partner.

11:24I've heard kids of age 6 and 8 have boyfriends and girlfriends these days.

11:33That's because this mass culture through media is now reaching them even earlier.

11:41They all have mobile phones.

11:44So even they are thinking that the highest thing possible in life is a boyfriend or girlfriend,

11:53and if you have that, then you have arrived, you have succeeded.

12:03With that kind of ideal, how will you ever have the courage to walk alone?

12:14And when I say walk alone, that does not mean that you cannot be in a relationship.

12:21When I say walk alone, that means being free of the compulsion to be in a relationship.

12:29These are two very different things.

12:32You can be in a relationship out of your freedom.

12:35It is an expression of your freedom that you are in a relationship, that is possible, right?

12:40Since I am free, hence out of my choice, I am in a relationship.

12:45But that's not the case very often.

12:50Most of us are in relationships not because of freedom but because of compulsion.

12:59And that's the reason why we have so many husband-wife jokes.

13:04Otherwise how can there be something to joke about in that?

13:08You don't have mother-son jokes, you don't have brother-sister jokes.

13:12Why do you have so many husband-wife jokes?

13:16Just to mitigate the suffering a little.

13:21Just to be able to laugh at your own sorry situation a little.

13:27Isn't the mother-son bond an important one?

13:35Why don't you have mother-son jokes then?

13:38Why only husband-wife jokes?

13:43Because without joking it will be even more difficult to tolerate.

14:01This institution has ruined so many people and continues to do that on a daily basis,

14:08especially women.

14:10Here we have a man stating his predicament and suffering.

14:19But this institution has been equally, if not more, harsh upon women.

14:29Because they are even more scared to step out.

14:36How is it possible for a simple, normal, average, powerless lady like me to survive all alone

14:51in this big, bad, bullying world?

14:57So she'll tolerate all kinds of nonsense and abuse and violence, but will stay put.

15:05And she'll say, you know, I'm doing it for the integrity of the family and welfare of the kids.

15:19Same goes for men, because now women are as nastily empowered as men used to be.

15:30So they are as nastily exploitative as well.

15:43Finally get into your own mind and ask yourself, who has taught you to put up with daily abuse

15:53and humiliation?

15:58Who declared that to be your destiny?

16:05Who is that script writer?

16:11Who is this decree that cannot be reversed?

16:26Why must you act as if you are helpless and powerless?

16:34Why must you behave as if there is no choice?

16:41I do not know what you must do.

16:44You have been with me only since a week.

16:47I do not know the intricacies of your situation.

16:54But I can talk of a general principle.

16:58Nothing in life is irreversible, please.

17:03The only thing that you should never compromise on, never negotiate on is the central purpose

17:08of life and that is liberation.

17:15All else is dispensable.

17:22Nothing is cast in stone.

17:27You are free to be, you are free to not to be.

17:35And there is no God sitting upstairs to declare a mandate.

17:52Existence will not curse you if you are solo.

17:56And there is no special reward for remaining hitched.

18:11The curse that we experience in our daily life acts both ways.

18:16One, we feel compelled to stay in rotten relationships.

18:24Second, we feel constrained from entering the right relationships, both.

18:41And I am not necessarily talking of giving up on one woman and being with another one.

18:50The right relationship might as well with travelling.

19:00Travel that you cannot afford because the other person won't allow you to.

19:06So that relationship is not only abusive in itself but also an impediment to another

19:19right relationship.

19:31That's the reason why wisdom literature right at young age is so important.

19:43So that you may have higher ideals, especially girls, both.

19:51It's the age of empowerment.

19:54Else the only ideal you will worship is the ideal of a couple, the happy couple.

20:02And that is the ideal almost everybody has.

20:07Done your UG, done your PG, now what?

20:10Now I will happily settle down.

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